Chapter Text
“DON’T SWALLOW THE CAP, LEORIO!” Kurapika yelled from across the cafeteria. Really, they had left for just five minutes to get in the lunch line, and Leorio had already found another way to almost kill himself; this time, he was chugging a bottle of root beer so quickly that Kurapika wasn’t even sure that he had removed the cap from the bottle. They sprinted back over to the table they were sharing with him in record time, dropping their lunch in the process, but Leorio had already finished off the entire bottle by the time Kurapika reached it.
“What the fuck is wrong with you,” they said, not even asking it like a question. They panted slightly and glanced back at the fallen lunch on the floor several yards away before giving Leorio their scariest death glare, which, scarlet eyes considered, was pretty scary.
“Me? Nothing. I’m just a guy sitting at a lunch table, drinkin’ some root beer,” Leorio said dismissively. Kurapika’s eyes glowed an even brighter red.
Leorio and Kurapika were enemies-turned-”I hate you but I have no one else to hang out with” friends who attended the same high school, West Yorkshin High. They were both seniors (well, Leorio was a super-super-senior, having been held back twice, but that wasn’t anyone other than Kurapika’s business). Currently, they were eating lunch. At least Leorio was, anyway.
Kurapika sat down at the table looked forlornly at Leorio’s sandwich and chips. They would also look at the root beer he brought every day, but right now it was either in Leorio’s stomach or splattered across his dress shirt, and neither of those options was something they wanted to spend their time even glancing at. Kurapika didn’t know how much Leorio’s mother could love him to give him a clean white shirt every day and accept the mottled greyish brown mess that always returned.
They coughed a bit, clearing their throat. “Well,” they said.
“Well,” said Leorio.
“That sandwich looks a little large for one.”
“I’m a growing boy, Kurapika.”
“You’re older than some of the staff at this school, Leorio.”
“And you don’t know how to keep your mouth shut,” Leorio said blankly, not looking at them. Regardless, he ripped off half of his sandwich and silently offered it to Kurapika. Kurapika accepted it wordlessly and began eating.
Later, after classes had ended, Leorio and Kurapika boarded the school bus home together. Kurapika could have walked home in less time if they were being honest with themself, but that never seemed to happen. They found their usual bench and sat down together, Kurapika on the window side so that they wouldn’t get sick, and Leorio facing the aisle so that he could trip people he didn’t like. Leorio immediately dozed off, his head falling on Kurapika’s shoulder for the third time that week. After trying to shrug him off a few times, Kurapika took off his glasses and prepared for their shoulder to have a hell of a cramp by the time they got home.
Kurapika looked out the window and started to think. Their life was pretty okay, they guessed. A normal set of parents, a normal adopted brother, a normal funeral on a Saturday afternoon. A normal grandmother to take them and Pairo in for a while. A normal amount of tears late at night so that Pairo wouldn’t hear, then a normal breakfast in the morning. Nothing like Leorio.
Leorio had approximately fifty thousand brothers, no sisters or other siblings, a sharp mother who only spoke Spanish, and a dog named Pietro. Leorio was fast and strong and smart, but had to take two years out of school to help support his family and his hormone treatments. He was doing pretty well now, though. Apparently one of his old video games was still in mint condition and sold for a few million jenny a while back. Kurapika didn’t actually know a lot of this because Leorio had told them; instead it was his mother, who tested the severely limited Spanish vocabulary Kurapika had learned from school.
While Kurapika was thinking, something caught their eye. It was some kind of… green thing? They weren’t sure and decided to let it go. They would reach Leorio’s stop soon anyway.
The bus stopped outside a gated suburban community. Kurapika quickly rustled Leorio awake, handing him his glasses and pushing him out into the aisle. Leorio blinked a bit and then promptly fell on his ass, banging his head on the seat across from his and Kurapika’s.
“What was that for?!” he yelled.
“I’m sorry; I was just trying to help. Now hurry, or you’re going to piss the driver off.”
“Well, come on, help me up. I’m dying over here.”
Kurapika yanked Leorio upwards until he was miraculously on his feet. Leorio then did something really weird; he grabbed Kurapika’s hand and started dragging them toward the front of the bus.
“WAIT, Leorio!” Kurapika hissed, tugging back in their arm. “I need to get our stuff!”
“Oh, right, that,” said Leorio.
“I can’t believe you,” they said, wrestling their arm free and quickly grabbing their bag and Leorio’s suitcase (seriously, why did he have to bring a suitcase to school? Of all things impractical). Leorio pulled on their wrist and led them out of the bus. People were staring.
Once the bus had pulled away, Kurapika turned to Leorio and slapped him on the arm. “What the fuck was that!” they shouted, again forgoing the question.
“I had an idea, Pika! It was a really good one and I need you with me at home to do it, so now you’re staying at my house for the night,” Leorio said firmly.
“I can’t believe you,” said Kurapika. “I never agreed to stay at your house, and it’s a school night, and now I have to call my grandma, and did you just call me Pika?”
“I don’t know. You know me; I don’t plan these things out that well,” said Leorio. “Also, you weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“Well, don’t make me hear it again. It’s embarrassing,” Kurapika said, huffing their cheeks. “Now take me to your house and ask your mom what she’s making for dinner tonight.” They threw Leorio’s suitcase at him. “And carry your own damn stuff.”
After a delightful dinner of pupusas with Leorio’s mother and fifty quadrillion brothers (they seemed to be multiplying somehow), Kurapika and Leorio set up camp in his room and began doing homework, Leorio at his desk up against the wall and Kurapika on the floor using their binder as a flat surface to write upon. For a while they both seemed to be working. Then, after a while, Kurapika would feel a pair of eyes on them for a good few seconds straight. They would look up, and Leorio would dart his eyes away and make a big show of turning the next page of his book or adding a flourish with his pencil. This went on for a solid, awkward hour.
“Can I help you with something?” said Kurapika finally.
Leorio paused and held up his pencil. “Wait until my mom goes to sleep,” he said, then continued to write.
Kurapika did the same, and they noticed that the feeling of being stared at was gone.
“Kurapika! Wake up! Kurapikaaaaa, my mom’s asleeeeeep,” whined Leorio.
Kurapika slowly came back into consciousness. Apparently they had fallen asleep halfway through an essay, and a long pencil mark signaled where they had stopped. They stretched a little, yawning, then looked at Leorio. “What is it?” they asked sleepily.
“I want to practice kissing with you,” said Leorio, staring right into Kurapika’s eyes. Kurapika looked away.
“That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said,” they said. “And that’s a solid no, for the record.”
“Aw, why not? We’re both guy—well, people that aren’t attracted to each other here! It’s just practice!” Leorio said, incredibly persuasive.
“Well—well—well, well…” Kurapika stammered. They went quiet. Very softly they said, “That might not be true.”
“What do you mean by that?!” yelled Leorio. Kurapika shushed him, but his voice remained raised. “Are you saying that you like me?!”
“I’m not saying that at all! In fact, it’s the opposite!” Kurapika harshly whispered back, as though their lack of volume would balance with Leorio’s excess. “I’m saying that you might like ME!”
Leorio looked like he was about to retort, but he never got the words out. Instead, something large and green came crashing through the window, glass shattering and landing everywhere.
“What the fuck,” said Leorio.
“WHAT! THE! FUCK!” screamed Kurapika.
The green thing wasn’t all green, as it turned out. As it unrolled itself and stood up, it appeared to be wearing a very nice black suit, albeit scratched by the glass.
“What the fuck,” repeated Leorio. He and Kurapika just stood there, speechless, as the green thing dusted off its suit and smiled at them with large, round eyes.
“Hello,” it said. Leorio screamed and hid behind Kurapika, who was staring very intently at it.
“Hello,” said Kurapika, their eyes scarlet.
“I bet you’re wondering who I am.”
“More like what, but go on.”
“My name is Beans.”
“Kurapika.”
Leorio poked his head out. “I’m Leorio, if we’re making friends before you dissect us.”
Beans smiled. “I’m not here to dissect you,” it said. “I have a very important mission for the two of you.”
“Okay, shoot,” said Kurapika.
Beans smiled even wider. “I’m here to tell you that you’re going to save the world.”
Leorio peed himself.