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Nora is having a hard time at school. Haitham and Kaveh can tell and they worry but every time they ask, Nora would smile and tell them it's fine. "I can handle it." She says.
The parents don't stop worrying but they don't push either. They had taught their daughter that she could trust them with everything and anything, and she could come to them and ask for help any time. So, not wishing to pressure her, they'd wait for her to approach them first.
But Haitham can no longer hold back when he hears his daughter cry. He was always weak to Kaveh's tears and now their daughter who has his husband's bright ruby eyes.
"Princess?" He calls softly after a knock. "Can I come in?"
The sound of sobbing doesn't stop but he doesn't get an answer either. So he lets himself inside and there she is. His precious daughter is sitting on her bed with her arms wrapped around her knees, hiding her face behind her waterfall of silver hair.
Haitham pauses for a second, feeling helpless, then he walks over and settles next to her quietly.
None of them say anything for a while.
Finally the sobbing dies down. "...Why is it so hard to understand people?" Nora finally mumbles.
Haitham flinches. He ponders over his next words, choosing them carefully. "Where is this coming from?"
Nora comes out of hiding and leans a puffy red cheek against her knee. "It's just... I always seem to say the wrong thing but I never realize." She bites her quivering lips to stop the next wave of tears. "They say I'm mean."
Haitham brows furrow. "Well they're wrong. You're one of the kindest girls I've ever met."
Nora rolls her eyes. "You just say that because I'm your daughter."
Haitham raises an eyebrow. "Have I ever lied to you?"
Nora snorts. "No, but you play favorites."
Haitham pauses from the clever answer. "Well, yes, but I'm being serious this time." Nora just shrugs.
Haitham watches her for a few seconds and asks again. "Why would they call you mean?" And there better be an understandable reason for it and not just mean children being children because Haitham swears on Buer's name he would not hesitate to punish those bullying his daughter. Not that anyone had the guts to, everybody knew how much the grand sage adored his family after all. But children could be real stupid and real mean and well, Haitham wasn't the nicest adult out there.
Nora's answer is not something he expects at all.
"They say I'm too blunt."
Haitham freezes.
Oh.
Oh.
He feels himself go numb.
Nora, however, continues, unaware of her father's reaction. "But, I mean, I just never know what to say or don't! People are just sooo- agh! So complicated! It's like-" She move her hands around in frustration as she tries to describe her struggles. "Like there is a start point and an end point to each conversation or situation and there is a clear path that gets you from the start to end- I mean that's how it works for me! But!" She throws her hands into the air and shouts. "Not everybody is like that apparently. They- they make it so complicated! Instead of a straight line it's always this-" She waves her hands around in a show off complex threads. "Weird knotty road like a ball of yarn- like why?! Why do they have to make everything so- so- so complicated!?" She finishes her rant with a dramatic back flop that has her sprawling on the bed.
Haitham who's snapped out of his thoughts, watches his daughter with an amused little smile. "You're right."He nods. "People are very complicated."
"Right?!" Nora says.
"They're sensitive," He continues. "And dishonest and confusing,"
"Yes!" Nora throws her hands into the air and shouts, "Thank you!" She then settles them back on her stomach and rolls her eyes. "I mean come on Sara, we all know you don't like Mina, you don't have to pretend."
"But most of all," Haitham adds delicately. "They're scared."
That makes Nora pause. She looks back at her Abbi in confusion. "Scared? Scared of what?"
"The truth, consequences," Haitham says calmly. He then raises an eyebrow and gives her a look and adds, "Other people's opinions."
Nora stares up at him with her big ruby eyes and blinks rapidly. "...oh," She looks away. "Right…"
Haitham smiles at her softly and caresses the silver strands of hair next to him. "And perhaps , this Sara girl is pretending because she's scared of being isolated."
Nora frowns. "Then she should just- avoid Mina or sth idk. She shouldn't pretend to be something she's not, I mean, it's not like anybody will believe her."
Haitham nods slowly. "You're right. That would be the wisest course of action." He tilts his head. "However, you must remember that not everyone thinks the same way as us."
Nora's frown deepens but she doesn't say anything.
So Haitham tries to elaborate further. "For example, how would you react if a stranger called you ugly out of nowhere?"
Nora springs back into a sitting position, shouting, "I would NEVER do such a thing!"
"I know-"
"I mean you and Baba taught me that I shouldn't say my opinion unless someone asks for it and I'm getting better at staying out of things that aren't my business-"
"I know Nora," Haitham insists patiently. "That’s why I said, for example ."
Nora's eyes go wide again. "Oh," she gives him a sheepish smile. "Right."
"So?" Haitham reminds her of the question. "What would you do?"
Nora shrugs. "I just tell them it's none of their business."
"So you wouldn't be sad." It's not a question. Nora treats it like one anyways.
"No, because they don't even know me. I mean you and Baba always call me pretty and I'm confident so who cares what some dude says." She then frowns. "But that's different though. I mean something like that is a personal thing and it's all about confidence but personality stuff is different. I mean if everyone thinks you're mean then it's a everybody kinda thing problem."
"Societal problem." Haitham offers her the word she's been looking for.
Nora nods. "Yeah that, whatever."
Haitham holds back his smile to focus on their conversation instead. "Yes, I know, but Nora, not everyone can distinguish different situations from each other perfectly."
"Dis-what?" Nora asks in confusion.
Haitham can't hold back his smile this time, his daughter is just too cute. "It means separate." He explains. "Not everyone can tell what is personal and what's not."
Nora chews on her lip and Haitham raises a hand to stop her. She lets go of her lower lip when he thumbs at it. "Right- yeah, ok."
Haitham continues. "Most people overthink everything. The fact that they're incapable of being honest with themselves, and especially others, make things even harder. Now add each human's unique personality, train of thoughts and fears to the mix and you understand why people can be so hard to understand."
Nora scrunches her nose. "I guess..."
"But," Haitham raises a finger. "That does not mean you're the problem. Nobody is. Socializing is just... hard in general."
Nora tilts her head and makes a face. "Ehhhh, I mean they kinda are a problem- I mean! If I hurt your feelings just tell me and I apologize. Or, or you don't have to twist your words so much, like, agh! Just say what you mean I swear the reactions are less worse than what you think," She then pauses. "Wait no, that just brings us back to the topic of fears and stuff doesn't it?" She groans and flops into her Abbi's lap in despair. "Omg, why can't people just be honest with each other?!"
Haitham's smile becomes sad. He pats his daughter's little head in comfort. It makes him remember how small his baby still is. she shouldn't struggle with stuff like this just yet, he thinks to himself, his heart breaking in two.
"Once again you're right," He says again because it's true and because he knows that's what his daughter needs to hear the most right now. To be validated. "And I totally understand you... because I went through the same thing."
She grumbles. "So I just gotta learn to be quiet like you."
Haitham chuckles. "I'm afraid... that won't be as easy for you. Your personality is more close to your Baba in that aspect."
"We both talk a lot?" She offers bitterly.
Haitham corrects her. "You're both extroverts."
Nora turns in his lap to look up at him in curiosity. "What's that?"
"Extrovert means you're a social person, you get your energy by spending time with others. You like to express yourself."
Nora nods. "Ah, that makes sense. Baba lovesss crowds."
Haitham continues. "Meanwhile I'm an introvert. I rather keep to myself and stay inside ."
Nora giggles. "I always love how you explain things."
Haitham smiles back. "So, no, Nora, there is nothing wrong with you and Baba talking more than me or being the way you are. That's just who you are."
Nora pouts upon remembering her struggle. "I mean, sure, but I bet it would've been easier if I were like you."
Haitham neither denies nor confirms that.
Nora doesn't need him to.
Haitham just silently caresses her hair for a few seconds. Then he starts up again softly. "You know what else you and Baba have in common?"
Nora snorts. "We both love you?"
Haitham is happy that she still has the spirit to joke but he knows better than to think she's ok. He saw his husband do the same thing over and over again after all. Laugh the pain away. Joke about it, hoping it hurt less. It took him years to teach Kaveh crying was ok , being sad was ok . That sometimes you just had to let things out . He refused to let his daughter develop the same bad habits. But he also won't force her to cry. He just had to let her know she could.
"You're both strong ," He caresses her cheek. "And that's why you can both be so kind."
Nora raises an eyebrow. "You need to be strong to be kind?"
Haitham nods firmly. "Absolutely. People can be so mean and annoying. Not to mention all the confusion. Being kind definitely needs a lot of courage."
Her lips twice and she shrugs. "It's not that hard."
Haitham shrugs back. "It is for me."
She objects. "But you're so brave and strong."
Haitham shakes his head. "Not in the way you and Baba are, no." He smiles. "Which is why I think you're both amazing."
She smiles back at him, and if her lips wobble or her eyes get glossy again, Haitham doesn't say anything about it.
Slowly she sits back up and Haitham grabs her hand instead, giving it a comforting little squeeze. She clings to it like her life depends on it, squeezing back hard. She then cleans her teary eyes with her other hand and puts her hair behind her ear. She takes a deep breath and lets it out shakily. "I guess... I'm just scared." She swallows around the lump in her throat and says in a little voice, "I mean what if I never make any friends? What if I'm alone forever?"
Haitham's heart breaks in half. He wants to hug his precious baby so badly but he holds back. He needs to look her in the eyes while saying this. "First off all, you're not going to be alone forever because you have me and Baba."
"That’s different-" She objects.
"Second of all," he continues, "You'll find your own friends someday."
She frowns., "you don't know that-"
"I do," He squeezes her hand and raises the other hand to brush away the single tear running down her cheek. "You don't have to change to be loved, Nora. Someday you're gonna meet someone and they will understand you."
She smiles a little. "Like you and Baba did?"
He smiles back. "Like me and Baba did."
"And I'll make even more friends?" She asks hopefully.
"The number doesn't matter. What matters is how close to that person you'll be."
"But what if I want more friends?" She insists.
Haitham smiles. "Then you'll have them. You know why?" She shakes her head. Haitham lean to rest their foreheads against each other. "Because everyone in this family is nothing but stubborn."
She giggles at that. "True."
"You're a wonderful, kind, sweet girl Nora and you deserve to be loved. Someday, somewhere, someone will get to know you and they will know you're the best friend they could ever ask for. You just have to be patient."
Nora snorts and jokes, "Oh, no, I'm bad at that."
Haitham smiles. "Then how about I'll be your best friend until then?"
She beams back at him. "You'll be forever my first and best friend, Abbi." She then kisses his cheek and hugs him. "Thank you. For always being here for me and saying the right thing. I love you."
Haitham hugs her back and kisses the top of her head. "Always Azizam, always. I love you too."
*******
Kaveh walks out of his room and stretches his arms above his head. His joints let out a loud pop after hours of sitting behind a table and he lets out a satisfied groan. "Finally, I'm free!" He massages his tense shoulder and wonders if Haitham is free to give him a real massage. He looks around the living room and is surprised to see his husband sitting on the sofa without a book to read. Not that he was complaining. "Honeyyyyy," He whines as he walks to his husband in hopes of getting spoiled. "My shoulders are killing me."
Unfortunately for Kaveh, Haitham barely reacts to his hints.
Kaveh frowns. Haitham never ignored him, not so thoroughly and not unless he was drowned in a book. Or thoughts. "Haiyyyy?" He waves a hand in the other man's face and Haitham's shoulders jump in surprise as he seems to finally notice Kaveh.
"Oh, hey love." Haitham mumbles, dragging a hand down his face. "Sorry I was... thinking."
Kaveh raises an eyebrow and looks his husband over again. "You look like you're about to cry." He says with a mixture of teasing and worry.
Haitham makes a face at him. "I'm not going to cry . I'm just..." He pauses, pressing his lips into a thin line. "Sad."
If it was anytime else, Kaveh would have teased his husband to no end. He didn't get that many chances after all. But he doesn't this time because he could say something serious was wrong. He wasn’t kidding when he said Haithan looked close to tears.
So Kaveh's face softens as he drops next to his husband and gives him his full attention. "What's wrong?"
Haitham presses his lips together harder like he's going to refuse to talk but then he sighs. "It's Nora."
Kaveh's eyes widen, not expecting that. "Is she ok? Did she finally talk to you? Oh no, is she being bullied? I swear to god-"
Haitham raises a hand to stop him spiraling any further. "No Kaveh, she's not being bullied. She's fine." He pauses. "Well, she is now."
Kaveh groans. "Haitham can you please just tell me what's wrong with our daughter?"
"There's nothing wrong with her," Haitham argues. "She's just... having trouble making friends."
Kaveh stares at him for a few seconds, trying to see if his husband is sugarcoating the situation. When he finds nothing he lets out a relieved sigh. "Jesus, Haitham, you scared me." He knocks their shoulders together and teases, "is that why you looked like a cat left in the rain?"
Haitham frowns. "I was not-"
Kaveh ignores his protests and says, "Nora will be fine, kids have problems like that all the time." He then snickers. "Not that you would know, since you had no friends besides me."
Haitham doesn't say anything.
Kaveh is alarmed for the second time that night. He checks his husband's expression and is surprised to see pain . He frowns and grabs his husband's hand, coaxing his teal eyes to look back at him. "Haiy?" He calls to the other in worry, asking him to just talk to him.
Haitham sighs and draws his free hand over his face again, massaging his eyes in frustration. He knows Kaveh is worried and he hates it. He hates making his husband worried and for a second he doesn't want to tell him. But he made a promise all those years ago, after he almost died trying to save Nahida, to never hide anything from the other ever again and he was not going to break that promise now.
"They told her she's too blunt." He finally admits through gritted teeth.
Kaveh raises an eyebrow. "Well that sounds about right."
Haitham groans. "Kaveh this is serious. They called her mean and she was crying ."
Kaveh bites his lower lip. "Well, that’s not very nice..."
Haitham sighs and leans his head back against the couch. "It's all my fault."
Kaveh blinks from surprise. "Pardon?"
Unable to stop himself now that he had admitted it, Haitham starts ranting. "She got it from me. And I mean sure it might've not been that big of a problem under normal circumstances but most of her personality is like you . She's a social butterfly; she loves making friends and now she can't do that because she's like me -"
"Whoa whoa!" Kaveh raises a hand, expression troubled. "Hold on mister."
Haitham throws his free hand into the air. "I mean her personality combination couldn't be any worse even if we tried !"
Kaveh stares at him in shock for a second then clears his throat and shakes his head. "Ok, first of all, I know you're just saying that because you're... feeling things; but you could've definitely worded that better."
Haitham's face twists and he grumbles but doesn't deny it.
"Second of all, you're being really stupid right now."
"Oh, wow, thanks Kaveh. " Haitham deadpans. "That is so reassuring."
Kaveh huffs and puffs. "I'm being serious! Like I can't just believe you're blaming yourself for your– for your genes."
"They're stupid genes." Haitham mumbles like a grumpy cat.
Kaveh hits his arm. "No, they're not. Our daughter is perfect and you know it."
"Of course she is–"
"And there's absolutely nothing wrong with her," Kaveh continues firmly. " Or you."
Haitham huffs. "Then who's fault is this?"
"No one!" Kaveh almost shouts in frustration. For a logical man, his husband could be so unreasonable sometimes. He takes a deep breath to regain his composure and tries again more calmly. "It's nobody's fault, Haitham, life just sucks sometimes. Sometimes you're too honest for your own good. Sometimes people are too sensitive. It's just how it is." He shrugs. "We should just teach her how to be more tactful." He kicks his shin lightly and jokes. "I mean I taught you."
Haitham rolls his eyes. "I just don't talk much."
Kaveh giggles. "And that's very smart."
Haitham presses his lips together, not willing to let go of the problem just yet. "It's not gonna be easy."
Kaveh rolls his eyes. "Nothing is ever easy."
"She's only eight." Haitham insists.
"My dad died when I was her age," Kaveh deadpans.
Haitham flinches.
Kaveh's face softens and he sighs. "Look, all I'm saying is that these kinds of troubles are perfectly normal. I know you worry but trust me when I say our daughter is having a perfectly healthy and normal childhood compared to what we had." He puts a hand on his husband's knee. "Because we're here and we love her and we do everything in our power to make her happy."
Haitham looks down in defeat. "...You're right. I know you're right. It's just..." He grabs his husband's hand and kisses its back sorrowfully. "I never got to protect you from all the shitty parts of the world. I was hoping that I could at least do that for our children."
"Oh Haiyi," Kaveh cooes at him and cups his cheek, turning the other’s face to look at him. "You know that's impossible."
Haitham puts his hand over Kaveh's and sighs. "I know." Because Haitham was a logical man. He knew he couldn't protect his daughter forever. Also he knew that it was best to let her experience hardships and troubles sometimes. That's what made humans after all.
Yet every time he saw those doe crimson eyes well up with tears, all he could see was Kaveh crying over his trauma. He'd get reminded of each and every time Kaveh got drunk in hopes of forgetting only to end up wailing in his arms. Haitham never forgets the first night they met again in Lambard after so long. When he realized how deep he'd hurt his beloved senior; and learned of all the past scars he didn't even know of yet had sprinkled salt on nonetheless. He learned to let go of those guilts eventually, they both did. But seeing his daughter cry today had shaken him, making him feel like he'd hurt someone precious to him once again unknowingly.
He was just so weak when it came to his family.
"But I can't help it," He admits with a weak chuckle. "I just lose all logic when it comes to you all."
Kaveh blushes. All these years of intimate relationship and three children later, and Haitham could still make him blush with such simple words. It makes him feel giddy and embarrassed at the same time. It also makes Haitham smile every time, this time being no exception.
Finally Kaveh stutters. "We-well, you need to get a hold of yourself or you'll just get hurt." He gives Haitham a look. "And you can't protect us if you're hurt."
Haitham smiles. "You're right again."
Kaveh huffs. "I always am." He then squeezes Haitham's cheek. "Now stop thinking such stupid things and take me to bed. I want a massage, all these talks have just made my shoulders more tense."
Haitham chuckles and turns his head to kiss the palm of the hand still cupping his face, murmuring. "Whatever you want, senior, whatever you want."