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1
Once when they had gone undercover just her and Dick, they’d gotten split up. Kori had found him within a few minutes. He was with a man, or rather the man was with him. Dick certainly had not wanted to be there. Neither had he wanted the man’s hands. Eyes screaming, and body moving away, smile so shaky that it would crack like glass.
And Kori thinks of her black suit, the spaceship she had arrived in to Earth. She thinks of the slime coating her body, the first touch she had ever felt between her legs. The first touch that hurt her in a way that she cannot explain. The first touch that brought cold wetness to her eyes. Wetness she’s never let fall.
She looks at the man, laying himself on Dick. And feels rage. She has not allowed herself to feel wetness, but she does feel rage. It burns her, and she wants burn the man with her.
People fear her rage, the humans, her teammates, her own people. But Dick never does. He says she looks like a Star, burning and bright. True to the name she wields as a hero. He kisses her knuckles and laughs at the fear in the eyes of their enemies and teammates. Smile full of mirth and stance so relaxed, even when she grabs him with her strength. Holds him with the blaze, that she knows torches everyone else. He holds her back with gentleness, with a calm that is soothing and loving.
She almost kills the man. Their covers blown, not that she particularly cares in that moment. Dick grabs her, stops her, pleads with her. But the rage doesn’t quell. How dare this man? How dare this low life scum-
Dick brushes her hair, and Kori turns. Turns to look at him. She stops. She doesn’t kill the man. Dick is relieved, he thanks her for stopping, for listening to him. But that is not why she had stopped. She’d seen the wetness in Dick’s eyes, the wetness he was holding back for her sake. She’d stopped for them.
Later when they go back, the mission unsuccessful and the reports made. Their teammates thump Nightwing in the back in what she understands is an Earthly manner of friendly congratulations. And they call him “lucky” and Kori “possessive”. Dick laughs, but Kori sees the wetness under that mask. Both literal and metaphorical.
She says nothing. It is not her place.
_________
2
Kori hears Dick yelling into his communicator. The one that goes black sometimes and is bigger and square. She knows it is called a phone, Dick had explained, endlessly patient. She simply finds humor in not calling Earthly things their actual names. Dick understands, because he always smiles. Low and genuine, while their teammates groan. She supposes their humor is similar. He destroys Earthly languages, she destroys their things. Both of them deriving their revenge to being considered foreign.
Robin had arrived two days ago, wild and tense. Nightwing had proceeded to give him his room the moment he arrived and stuffed an apple in Gar’s mouth when he’d asked why Robin was here. Dick’s smile had been friendly and teasing while Gar choked, but everyone had seen the sharp teeth under it.
Nobody asks again.
“I DON’T CARE!” Dick yells into the currently lit up communicator. The glow from it, denting the lines on his face even more. “I don’t care what you want, Bruce.” Dick hunkers down, as he says the words. The fury no less gone. Simply suppressed into a quaking mess of limbs and a voice unbalanced enough that it threatens to tip in a direction of outburst and rage.
Kori should leave. This is between, Dick and his father. This is between Dick and his brother. This is between Robin, Batman and Nightwing. Between family. But she stays, listening in.
“Jason stays. He’ll come back when he wants to. So, shove it up your ass, B.” Dick disconnects the call. Voice tempered and body shaking.
“I know you’re there, Kori.” He says. Kori steps away from the wall she is behind, aware that Nightwing’s temper is something to be taken with a dose of caution. But she is also aware of his level of control.
“I am sorry. I should not have let my curiosity lead, when trust was an option.” Her apology is genuine, and so Dick grimaces. Face stuttering away, and the temper in his body burying into guilt. He smiles, bashful hiding away temper, as though he is at fault. Dick has always struggled to understand that he is not responsible for other’s actions. And certainly not hers. “It’s alright, Star.” He shrugs already forgiven.
He turns to head back to his quarters. Kori steps forward, catching his arm before she can loose this dredge of courage that has sparked in her. Kori doesn’t consider herself brave or reckless, she considers herself angry and mournful. The others don’t see her the same way she sees herself, she understands it is because they have not seen her when she was in the spaceship. They have only seen her as she is on their planet, grappling with customs, and having abilities they think to be greater than their own. They see the tip of her rage and feel fear. Sometimes she fears it too.
It is why she holds on to these vestiges, when they come. She must, or she will have nothing else but pain and anger and confusion.
“I have a question for you.” And Dick turns, stance shifting into something she’s understood means affection. He holds her in return, calloused hand somehow soft, where he holds her. She steps closer, burying her fist into the softness of his shirt, now that she has permission.
“Ask.” He tells her. Holding the curve of her arm humans call elbow, and the end of her other palm that is the wrist over his heart.
“It is of personal nature.” She hesitates, the bravery leaving her. The trickle gone and trampled into the confusing mess that is inside her own head. He leaves her hand to brush her hair, letting his fingers get stuck in the curls. He smiles, slow and indulgent. Waiting.
“Is Batman unsafe for you and Robin?”
The pause that follows her question is expected. So is the way Dick stills. His hand freezes in her hair, and his expression falters into something too complicated to decipher in the dim quality of a nightly, lightless tower.
Then he speaks, but his words are softer than Raven’s whispers and his answer immediate. “B would never hurt Jason. Never. And he’s a good guardian. How do I-“ Kori waits, the way Dick always does for her. It is her turn to return the favour. She waits as he sorts the mess in his head, warring with his emotions before he finally lands on something that can be potrayed in words.
“B loves Jason, an unimaginable amount. And he’ll go to unbelievable lengths to make sure he is happy and safe. But sometimes-sometimes Jason doesn’t feel safe anyway. It doesn’t matter how hard B tries, or how hard Jason tries not to feel that way. He… just doesn’t. It’s neither of their faults, really, just terrible circumstances from before. So, Jason just comes over to me. Until he feels… okay enough to go back.”
“Does that- does that make sense?”
For a moment, Kori doesn’t answer. There is a lot unsaid within Dick’s little speech. But Dick does not owe her these answers. And she has invaded enough tonight. She nods, Dick relaxes. Smiles his soft smile, and kisses her on the forehead. “Goodnight, Star.” His voice is soft, everything is tender when she’s with him. He turns, heading back.
She shouldn’t stop him. But there’s one question, burning like the pain and rage in her chest. She stops him. With her words this time.
“What about you? Does Batman try to make you feel safe?”
Nightwing doesn’t get surprised by this question. Instead he tilts his head, as if thoughtful. The moon dips out of the clouds, the little light gentling over Dick in tender brightness. She can see his face now, the expression clear. His smile is pained, so achingly sad. It reminds her of a quiet pain, the kind she feels when she’s laid awake a little too late into the night. A hole in her chest that fills her pillowcase with a wetness that she cannot explain, at that moment or in the morning that follows. She wonders if Dick has had nights like that too. A soft kind of pain that leaves you dry and aching, unexplainable when it touches.
“Goodnight, Kori.” Is all he says before going inside, where his brother is currently sleeping. She doesn’t stop him, again. She doesn’t ask.
It is not her place.
__________
3
In a few days, Robin will leave. Batman having come to pick him up himself. The two will reconcile, whatever issue that had lain between them, forgotten. Batman will allow Robin to jump into his arms and chatter about the days spent in the tower. Batman will have an indulgent smile, one that everyone will be surprised to see because it doesn’t meet the expectations of his reputation. Nightwing will hand over Robin’s duffel bag to Batman. Batman will say nothing in return, turning away as Robin waves back. Nightwing will smile, but it won’t be there all the way. He’ll go back to his room, once they’ve left. He won’t come out for hours after, not even for pizza. Their teammates will urge her to go and get him, because she might have the best chance. She will refuse.
It is not her place.
__________
4
They are in her quarters, lying in bed. Hands moving, roaming, pulling, groping. Mouth on skin and warmth. Warmth, everywhere. It is nicer, she thinks. Nicer than the touches in the spaceship. But her stomach sinks the moment she thinks of it. She does not let that deter her, she continues, more urgent. She dips her hand lower, the touch igniting something pleasant when Dick twitches. She loses herself in it, the spaceship far away both presently and in her mind. Hands grab hers. They’re not gentle. The grip, unrelenting and almost painful.
The spaceship is suddenly much closer.
“Stop, please.” Kori blinks. She’s in her room. On her bed, straddling Dick. He has an odd glazed look to his eyes, he’s staring at her but not really. Out of focus, the way blind humans do, under those thick black eye glasses. In the vague direction she’s in, but not like he’s aware where she’s actually is. “Can we stop, please?” There is something desperate in his voice. A raw edge that makes her scrambling off him quickly. That’s when he begins shaking. Curling into himself as he stares at the ceiling. The wetness in his eyes never falling. The slack glazed look burning something shriveled in her.
Kori waits.
He comes back to himself in breaths. The in and out. Inhale and Exhale. That’s similar to both Tamaranians, and Earthlings. His cheeks remain dry, through it all. Hers do not.
He turns to her, exhausted and panicked and trying to hide it. “Sorry, Kor. Just got a little too much. We can get right-“ He stops, finally noticing her tears. He almost tumbles off the bed to get to her, sheets twisting him. He twists around them, the inhuman flexibility working in his favor. He lands gracefully, beside her on the floor. She moves away when he comes closer, shaking her head and leaking tears. He stops, pulling back. Pain clearly on his face.
“Star please, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just- It doesn’t matter. Please. We can get back to it. Please don’t be upset. It’s my fault. Please-“
She shakes her head. Wetness leaking and leaking and leaking. Dryness itches at her throat, and her face feels flooded with both warmth and cooling wetness. Who?
“Who?” She asks, throat feeling too rough to talk. Dick’s brows furrow. Confusion. “Who hurt you like that?” Dick stills, realization dawning on his face. Then he breaks into a smile. Fake and unreal-
“Don’t hide, please.” She begs. She thinks of the spaceship, and begs. Something she hasn’t done on Earth. She holds his hand in his, he doesn’t pull away. He stares at them like he doesn’t know if he should. “Please. Please don’t hide.”
“Lui. Her name was Lui.” His words are soft, but his tone frigid. And for one horrible second Kori feels jealous. Jealous that it was one. Jealous that he can put a name to it. Jealous. And just as soon as the feeling comes, it fades away. She doesn’t let it linger.
Instead she opens her ears, and holds his hands. Listening as he speaks. Her eyes well up more as he talks, leaking water the entire time. The quiet pain comes, the more she listens. Not for herself, for him. And when he’s done, he looks up at her. Softly and indulgent, like a candle flame licking away at the wax on the alter of one of his prayer halls. “Who was yours?” He asks her. Voice hoarse from speaking and emotion. She tells him about the spaceship, about being sold. About her true origins.
He holds no disgust. He holds no betrayal for her lies. He holds no pity for what happened to her. But he holds her pain, in his eyes. Because she is too tired to hold her own. The same way she held his. And then he lets them fall. It leaks from his nose too, and in these quiet suppressed noises that whine like a creaking door from his throat. They hold each other too. Wrapped in the blanket and pain, wetness and seeking comfort in a way that neither know is helpful or not. They stay on the floor.
By dawn, they split apart. He heads back to his quarters and she heads to the bathroom. The dials can go to very high temperatures, high for human at least. She switches it to the highest, and feels the slight burn it offers. She scrubs herself with it, going away at every inch of skin she can find. She doesn’t linger between her legs much.
When she emerges to the main dining area. Most of her teammates are there, sipping at brown bean juice that helps them stay awake apparently. Dick sits among them, hair wet in fresh clothes, a towel around his shoulders and a slight red tint to his skin. He smiles at her when she sits beside him, the darkness under his eyes less pronounced than they had been last night. She wants to ask how high did he turn the dial, to make the feeling wash away. Instead she asks him to pass her the brown bean juice mug, he huffs a laugh and hands her his. Before getting up to prepare another for himself.
She doesn’t ask.
It is not her place.
____________
+1
Mirage is gloating, powerful in her arrogance. Dick is backing away, clutching at his hair. There is an unsteadiness to him. A labored ache that is too familiar from several nights before. Miriam holds power. She hold his strength. And she hold his confidence, wrapping it in a basket of arrogance and manipulation. Kori turns to Dick. She does not know what is going through his head. She does not know if she wants to know. Though she has some idea, despite what she wants. But she needs to hear this from him. She needs to understand this from him.
She is owed this much at least.
“Nightwing,” His head snaps at her use of his alias. Not all gone then. But not all there, either. Tears wet his cheeks, leaking down through the domino mask. She fears she already has her answer. “Did you know it was Mirage, when you slept with her imitation of me?”
“No.” He’s choking back a sob, shaking like a leaf. Their friends are watching, unsure whether to step in or stay away. Kori feels pain and anger and confusion. But not for herself. She feels it for Dick. She feels it for the man so driven to succeed on missions, so loving that it exudes out of him, so hurt that he tucks it away with smiles, so gentle that he bathes the blood on guilty hands with crème and affection. She feels for the boy thrown away by a father he still aches to please, she feels for the brother and the leader who offers a steadying hand regardless of how it hurts him, she feels for the man so endless in his patience with her. She feels for the boy who only had one name before this (Lui) and now has to add a second to the list (Mirage. Miriam. That bitch).
She feels, she aches and she does.
Her rage burns Mirage, when she slams her into the wall. The debris, tumbling into her. Kori burns, like a Star. There are screams. From their teammates, to stop. From Mirage, who is laughing and crying with blood on her teeth. But not from Dick, the only other person who’s opinion matters in this. She turns to look at him, her rage cooling to a gentleness. The same that he always offers her.
A silent question. He looks away in answer.
She grins bloody and angry and wild, exactly what everyone fears about her. Dragging Mirage with her into the sky, to tear her apart. Till there’s nothing left but bones and skin thrown into the different seas on Earth.
It is her place.