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Evenings with Shu Itsuki are oddly domestic. Kanata convinces herself it's the kitchen lights, slightly yellow-ish in all their overused glory, and she knows the ammount of time they spend here, in freezing nights turned warm, that's to blame on why the lightbulb might flicker once or twice during a conversation from the overuse.
Anyways, Kanata has always liked yellow. It might be her second favorite color, losing only to the blue of the ocean. That's partially why she keeps coming back every time to greet her and have their little conversations. She mentally reminds herself to research on color meanings and if yellow has something to do with craving and need. She also mentally reminds herself that's a really strange thing to say especially since what started her train of thoughts was her very own Shu Itsuki.
Shu has been always someone Kanata thinks of with much kindness. Her alluring voice and rare, but genuine smiles are like a calling that Kanata is not brave enough to refuse to answer.
And even now, sitting by the kitchen aisle on a small seat that will probably give in and fall soon, watching as Shu mixes hot chocolate for the two of them, Kanata feels appalled by her beauty, kindness and truthfulness.
Almost like she knows, Shu looks back at Kanata. Her eyes seem like if you were to poke a finger through them, the only effect it would have is sparkling purple dust and fragments of shattered gemstones, as odd as it is to think that.
"Shinkai." The pink-haired lady calls out, mightful and still unbelievably soft, glare turning into a gaze almost loving.
"Yes.." Kanata can only answer mindlessly and smiling like a fulfilled fool sentenced to death as Shu's remarkably fond eyes stab through her chest.
"You’re awfully quiet. Is there something pestering you?" Shu adverted her gaze, staring back at the hot chocolate she's preparing. With her tone, it sounded like she would make any of Kanata's problems disappear as simply a wish to a shooting star.
"No, 'thankies'. Nothing wrong, Shu~" Kanata speaks just to say her name, putting both of her elbows on the table and resting her head on her hands. "You’re so 'kind'.."
"You say that quite a lot, don't you?" Despite not facing Kanata, Shu smiles at her with simply words. "It is appreciated, however. Thank you, although I don't find myself too worthy of such qualities."
"Don't say that, Shu~" Kanata whines, as they've been through this conversation many times before. She can't help but feel bad for Shu, however. Rather than condescending, Kanata wishes she could be known for her kindness and gentleness in moments like these. "Shu is 'awesome' and a good person to mee.. Shu is 'also' very pretty and has a nice body, I think~"
"Excuse me!?" Shu turns around with a deadly stare, losing all the softness from early and getting instead surprise and slightly red cheeks.
"Oh, I am sorry. Shu doesn't like to be 'complimented'?" Kanata tilts her head to the side, pouting as she questions.
"Oh, heavens... I do enjoy being complimented, Shinkai. There are very few people that don't enjoy it, i imagine." Shu places in front of Kanata a cup with hot chocolate, blowing into it so the heat can come off a litte before she can take it. "I was not expecting you to say such things to me, although. Be careful with your cup, it’s quite hot."
"Okei~ But Shu is 'definitely' gorgeous and the kindest girl i know" Kanata sips her hot chocolate, quickly consuming all the liquid. "Oh, this is too dry... I'm gonna need water!"
Shu stammers with her words, trying to say something, but quickly gives up, and just reaches into the fridge to pour some water for the blue haired girl. Kanata stands up to grab it, even tho Shu was about to walk up to her and hand it to Kanata herself. They end up standing face to face, in front of the fridge.
Shu feels butterflies in her stomach as Kanata grabs the cup, drinking all of it fastly. Shu figures she does that quite a lot. Kanata giggles and whispers a 'Thank you' for no exact reason, since the kitchen is far from all other facilities in the house, including the ones with people sleeping in them. Still, it makes the butterflies go wilder, making her insides twist and loop as if they wanted to break out of there.
Actually, butterflies aren't quite the fitting metaphor. Butterflies are for the pretty girls in movies and the ones that fall fast and swiftly, and Shu is no pretty girl in any movie. Whenever she falls, it’s painful, slow and deadly, like awaiting for the day of your public execution.
Shu falls hard, despite her efforts to not do so, and she clings to any hope that she might be able to be loved in return. But she wonders, can someone who loves so quietly and violently at the same time get any hint of genuine feelings from someone so pure as the one she has as the object of her affection?
She's starting to believe that cannot happen. It flashes through her eyes, Rei hugging Shu, Shu pushing her away and scoffing hurtful things to her. Wataru complimenting Shu's abilities and even looks with her deep theatrical nonsense, Shu telling her she should be quieter. Kanata, just a day ago, reaching for her hand, Shu brushing her off rudely.
They don't deserve to deal with someone who, despite loving them, only makes sure their bits and drops of love stay far away from her reach, turning a blind eye to every exchange of affection and attempt to make her feel better about herself.
She thinks they pity her. The foolish, inexperienced and unloving Shu Itsuki choses to stay besides them, how could they not want to feed in to the desperate hunger for touch and affection the girl has? It makes her mad, thinking of the way she allows herself to be in their arms. Emotionally, of course. Despite the slight touches spinning around in her head all day she never lets tem last.
It will kill her, the love they spare in an act of mercy. She walks to the aisle, resting her elbows on the surface and holding her cup tightly, while sighing roughly. Kanata notices, because her eyes have no purpose if not to watch Shu's emotions whenever she allows them to escape.
"Shu?" Kanata whispers again, absolutely unnecessary. Shu breaks off from her train of thoughts, adverting Kanata's gaze. "Are you 'okay'? Have i done 'something' to upset you?"
"No, don't worry, Shinkai. I was just lost in thought for a second." Shu avoids looking at Kanata, going to the sink and washing any dishes there as a way to distract herself from the disgusting mess that she made of her sentiments.
"What was Shu 'thinking' about? It sounded like it made Shu's feelings 'hurt'... Shu doesn't deserve to be sad" Kanata comes closer to Shu, putting both hands on her forearm and resting her head on Shu's shoulder. She feels Shu shiver under her touch, but lean onto it.
"Can you- stop that!" Shu pushes Kanata off of her, earning a fearful look from her usually kind green eyes. Her threatening eyes go back to the ones Kanata could fall in love with, and Shu's hands hold each other as her stance turns apologetic. "I'm sorry. I'm simply not.. fit for this."
Shu's eyes water just the slightest and Kanata's eyes melt back int their usual kindness. She comes near Shu again, slower this time. Shu's eyes follow her every step, even tho there aren't many. "Can i give Shu a 'hug'?"
"I- Kanata i can't accept that." Shu's tears pool in her eyes and her voice breaks as she holds her body with both of her hands, grounding herself.
"Why 'not'?.. I am simply offering you a 'hug'." Kanata smiles. "Shu deserves it."
'Deserves', Shu thinks. What a difficult word, what a hard thing to measure. Still, she retells the tale of her coldness only to keep herself accountable.
"I am awful to you. To Rei, Wataru. I always push you away when you want to offer me your affection. It's not fair for me to accept your kindness after I give none of mine to you." Shu speaks as if she were putting her glass heart on her hands, showing Kanata all the cracks and fractures.
"Shu says silly things sometimes.. heheh." Kanata takes Shu's glass heart on her own hands and carresses every sign of it breaking. She tilts her head to the side as she speaks, making Shu feel something. Not butterflies, not quite there yet. But there is a glint of hope that flashes through her body as Kanata smiles at her for nothing, wanting nothing and in exchange of nothing.
"I don't understand what you mean." Shu lies, looking for something that might bring her back to her feet.
"Shu is 'kind'.. Shu loves us very 'much' isn't that true? ~" Kanata smiles impossibly kinder. "Shu is just scared of her feelings, isn't she? But you still love us very much, in your own way."
".. Elaborate." Shu lets her arms unwrap from her body, relaxing into the comfortable air in the room. Maybe it's selfish for her to ask, but she still wants to hope she will recieve something reassuring.
"Shu gives me water and carries me when I'm tired~ Shu also helped me go to bed when I was 'tipsy', hehe.. always making sure we are all oki! ☆" Kanatas happiness grows wider as she continues to talk about Shu. "Rei always talks about how 'kind' and nice Shu is to her and 'everyone'! And Wataru likes Shu's 'honesty' and how worried she gets when we could be 'hurting' ourselves in any way. May i say, Shu is more 'cute' to us than she is 'mean'."
Shu's face heats up and she covers her mouth with her hand, looking away from Kanata, who simply laughs at her shyness, but it's not mean or judgemental, just fond and kind. After a minute of small laughter, Shu recomposes herself.
"Is.. is that hug still an option, mayhaps." Shu plays with her shirt as she asks, feeling small and yet hopeful.
Kanata wraps her arms around Shu's waist, resting her head on her shoulder bringing their bodies together in a warm hug. Shu is uncertain of where she should put her hands, only after a moment of thinking putting them on Kanata's back, holding tightly.
"Not 'bad', is it..?" Kanata whispers into Shu's ears and the words go straight into her heart.
"You’re correct. Thank you for this, Shinkai." Shu whispers back, and theres something in her words that speaks 'I love you' and Kanata barely catches it, but still does, and as a way of saying 'I love you too', Kanata brushes her nose against the spot in Shu's shoulder that is partially covered with the red fabric of her shirt and partially showing her skin. They remain like that for a moment until Kanata breaks the atmosphere, laughing.
"Sorry my hands are kinda on your 'butt' right now.." Kanata says as she notices somewhere between embracing her tightly and holding her in the first place her hands moved to Shu's behind.
"I- I suppose that's fine" Shu laughs lightly, blushing the tiniest bit as well. It was unserious and silly, but Shu still finds it embarassing.
"Nice.. nice butt i mean~" Kanata teases, nuzzling her head deeper on Shu's shoulder to add to the vulgarity of the comment.
"Kanata." Shu speaks, not as firmly as she'd like to have sounded, still enough to break Kanata's teasing act.
"Sorryy, couldn’t resist~ ☆. It's 'true' though, Shu has a nice butt. Nice everything.. but right now we are talking about your butt" Kanata goes even further with the teasing but this time she goes for flirty rather than jokeful.
"We are not talking about my butt. But I appreciate the compliment, I suppose. I do advice you to not do that too often." Shu speaks softly despite being absolutely taken aback by Kanata's comment. She lets her hands draw circles on Kanata's back. "Are we just staying like this?"
"I don't 'know'~.. Can i ask you 'something'?" Kanata smiles mischiveously while mantaining his regular tone of voice.
"Yes...?" Shu raises an eyebrow at the sudden incertainty.
"Can I grab your butt?" Kanata looks into Shu's eyes to ask, earnest and genuine despite how unserious that question is.
Shu has a full body reaction to that, shoulders going up and hands gripping tighter on Kanata's back as her face scrunches up and her eyes widen into the most dumbfounded expression Kanata has ever seen in her life. She laughs, and she smiles too because despite how intense Shu reacted she did not let go of Kanata's hug.
"What's 'wrong'?" Kanata tilts her head, as if she were innocent. Shu breathes in slowly, eye twiching as if she were an oddly annoyed cartoon character.
"You horrible- You’re.. already grabbing my butt, Shinkai." Shu puts it strongly.
"No.. I mean grabbing properly. This is just me putting my hands on your butt, can i give you a little squeeze?~" Kanata smiles pleadingly and Shu shifts in her hold.
"You little- I don't- Why are you even asking me this?!" Shu groans.
"Consent is important!" Kanata reinforces, winking.
"... Just do it already."
Kanata places her hands more firmly on Shu's butt, squeezing playfully. The pink haired girls' face went disastrously red, both from annoyance and flusteredness, matching even the color of her shirt. Kanata smiles fondly as Shu stammers continuously, trying to formulate a sentence.
"Nice butt.." Kanata winked, completely shattering any of Shu's composure.
"I'm way too exhausted for this." Shu calmly walked away from Kanata, putting their cups on the sink, a side smile on her mouth. Kanata gets herself a glass of water with a few cubes of ice, spinning the liquid around in the cup so the water can get colder. She raises the cups to her lips, raising a finger to indicate she has something to say.
"Wataru and Rei are 'sleeping' together, let's join them." Kanata finishes her water and puts the cup on the sink, taking Shu's hand.
"Are you sure they will be okay with this?" Shu hesitates, as Kanata pulls her into the corridor she starts walking slower and making Kanata follow her pace. Kanata's thumb brushes Shu's palm reassuringly.
"Of course. Wataru and Rei love Shu as well as I do, I'm 'sure'." Kanata walks closer to Shu, resisting very fiercely the urge to kiss the worried look off her face. "Don't worry, sweetiepie.. sugarplum. No, doll. Doll is better. Is doll okay?"
"You are unreal, Kanata Shinkai." Shu laughs, feeling stupidly loved, thinking of the name Kanata selected for her. She allows her eyes to stare into the green of Kanata's own eyes, losing herself in glitter manifactured by the heavens, thinking of an opportunity where Kanata might call her that again, and for some reason, this time she is sure it will come.
"No, 'silly', I'm right here.." Kanata pokes Shu continuously, making her laugh a little louder than proper for such an hour of the night.
As if the laughter they let out is an alarm, Rei opens the door, staring at the two as they stop the cackling to retribute the look. Rei cracks a smile after a hot second, shaking her head. She looks beautiful like this, her nightgown fitting perfectly with her thin body and hair messy from her attempts on falling asleep, Shu assumes. Her fangs peak out of her mouth in a smile, resting on her red lips and exposing themselves as she starts to have a conversation with them.
"My beautiful ladies," Rei closes the door and speaks very lowly, approaching the two closer like she wanted to deliver a confidential message. "What brings you to the entrance of my room at such hour of the night?"
"Rei. We were just.." Shu plays with Kanata's fingers while she struggles with the word, eletrifyingly quick and anxious spreading her worries onto Kanata.
"Can we 'sleep'?" Kanata questions, light and carefree. Shu's fingers relax from their tension, now focusing completely on scanning Rei's expressions in response.
"Sure thing, my little mermaid.. however I don't quite grasp the meaning behind you two coming here and asking my permission to rest" Rei teases, knowing exactly what they meant, strangely earnest despite being unserious.
"Sleep with you, we meant.." Kanata elaborates and Rei smiles at the two of them, opening the door again and letting them in.
"That's what I wanted to hear"
The room feels welcoming as the two of them step in. It's clean, in a way that speaks of its atmosphere rather than it's actual state, that isnt so bad besides some clothes on the floor and papers spread on the table next to the window.
Rei takes them to the large bed, taking her place behind Wataru, who slept peacefully in a nightgown simmilar to hers. Shu and Kanata found their spots as well, Shu facing Wataru and Kanata right behind her, nuzzling her face on Shu's shoulder.
It's peaceful, loving. Shu catches a glimpse of Rei's hand carressing Wataru's hair and soon feels Kanata's hand on her hips. She thinks of the implications behind it, and behind her own actions as her pinky finger connects with Wataru's right in front of her, but doesn't let it grow too much. Things will be figured out, and whatever it is she's feeling will, too, be cleared.
Rei doesn't question anything of Kanata and Shu's sudden request and welcomes them into her own bed, with her own room companion and her own personal space and affection as they fit into the bed perfectly, so Shu assumes she has no need to doubt anything either.
She will wake up tomorrow to the smell of hot chocolate and hands on her hair, lovingly twirling on her pink strands as she feels light as the clouds above the ceiling of their shared home and it will feel like she knows it all, but she doesn't. And it's okay, because she knows this, as well as she she knows now, and she knows home, at last.