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“Stop touching those.” Shidou swatted Fuuta’s hand away from where it had been picking at the bandages across his face. He had taken care of the injuries immediately following the attack, but he brought Fuuta into his cell now to ensure they hadn’t worsened. They were sure to cause more problems if constantly agitated like that.
Fuuta grumbled something in response, but he planted his hands in his lap. “Hey, how are the others?” He looked away, trying not to seem too interested despite being the one to ask.
Shidou dug into the makeshift bag of supplies he’d been allowed to request. “Well, I need to keep a very close eye on Mahiru. I only just managed to stabilize her. Mikoto seems alright from the cursory examination I managed, but he won’t let me do a full assessment.”
“I still can’t believe he was able to take her on like that...”
“Yes, it’s impressive he came out relatively unharmed. And I’ve had my eye on Amane. Though she didn’t suffer physically, I’m worried about her mental state.” He chose his words with care. “She, too, keeps me at arm’s length. I can only hope I can get to her… in time.”
Fuuta scoffed. “I think it’s a bit too late for that. She’s pretty fucked up, man.”
That was one way to put it, he supposed.
Shidou began administering disinfectant to an open wound on his shoulder. Though Fuuta kept his jaw set through the pain, he said, “do we really need all this? You patched me up just fine the first time.”
“Yes, but things like this take both time and care. You have to keep these injuries very clean. Especially your eye. I saw you rubbing it this morning, try to avoid that.”
As he went on, he didn’t even register Fuuta’s grand show of exasperation. “Don’t remove any of the bandages unless I’m there. Though, if you do, immediately clean the area as thoroughly as you can. But gently. And keep up on washing your hands. Take showers often, but not daily. You’ll need to be attentive to your eating as well. Your body will need every meal to properly recover. Drinking, too. Oh, and make sure –”
“– I get it!” Fuuta said. “Next you’re gonna tell me ‘don’t forget to brush your teeth twice a day’ and ‘get tucked into bed nice and early’. You’re not my dad, jeez.”
Shidou fumbled with the disinfectant, nearly spilling the precious supply. “Just… be careful. Mahiru is in critical condition, I cannot risk losing you as well.”
“Okay, whatever. I’ll take my goddam showers. Just stop nagging me like I’m some kid – I can handle myself just fine.”
Fuuta stood and got to work refastening the prison uniform around his chest. Though he winced while reaching for some of the belts, Shidou buried the urge to help. Fuuta was right, after all. He could handle himself.
“And, uh… tell Mahiru shit sucks, but I’m glad she’s okay.”
“You can always stop by yourself.”
“Well I don’t wanna, she'll make it weird. Just let her know.”
“I will.”
“I’m going to head to dinner, then.” Fuuta gave him a light punch on the arm as he moved to the exit. “See ya, pops.”
As he took another step, Shidou’s palm shot out in front of his chest.
“Ow! You just told me to be careful, now you’re hitting me right where –”
“Don’t call me that.” Shidou couldn’t prevent the intensity that layered his voice. “That’s not who I am.”
Fuuta laughed nervously. “Yeah, it’s called a joke , old man.”
“I am not your father. I am not anyone’s father, alright?”
They both stared at each other in surprise for a moment. Then Fuuta shrugged his arm off to keep walking. “And here I thought Kazui was sensitive about his age…”
The cell door clanged behind him.
Shidou sat down.
He exhaled a long, shaky breath. He rubbed a thumb against his gloved palm, not minding the pain.
“Fuuta wanted to pass along his well wishes for you.”
“He did?” Mahiru’s eyes lit up a bit; it was the brightest they’d seemed in the past few days. She sat on top of her bedding, in the same place she’d been stuck the past few days. In her condition, it was unnecessary – and likely impossible – for her to up and leave her cell.
“Yes. He’s been asking about you a lot. Everyone has, though I’ve been limiting visitors so as not to overwhelm you.” Shidou had always been a good liar.
“Oh. That’s very kind of them.” Her smile deepened. It was worth it.
The pair went quiet as he worked. He checked on her wounds and took vitals. When he was nearly done, she chewed her lip in embarrassment.
“Hey Shidou…”
“Yes?”
“N-nevermind, it’s silly..”
He took her good hand in his. “Anything you need, I can help.”
She contemplated for a moment before looking away. “I know that no one would mind, but I mind, you know? It’s just… my hair is a mess. I haven’t combed it in days. If I could have some help brushing it, I think it’d feel much better.”
“That makes perfect sense. Here, let me grab your brush.”
In moments, he stood over her to gently go through the tangled mess. As soon as he began, he was glad she’d turned to face the dull gray walls. Tears threatened his eyes, unexpected and unwelcome. He cursed himself for them. Mahiru wasn’t even that much younger than him. They could have been colleagues, he reminded himself.
And yet, as he gently gathered up locks of short hair to brush, he couldn’t stop himself from sinking into memories.
He glanced over at her things. Most of her requested items had been removed with her verdict, but a few loose pins and ties remained. “I can braid it back for you, if you’d like.”
“You know how to braid?”
The words caught in his throat before he forced them out. “I do.”
“You’re a man of many talents! I would love that, thank you.”
Even through the gloves, Shidou’s fingers expertly wove her hair back. It wasn’t quite long enough and would come undone soon, he knew. The process could be staved off with a few expertly-placed barrettes, he also knew.
“I really owe you,” Mahiru whispered. “For everything. I didn’t think anyone would care. I’m used to people just…. well… I’m just grateful. You’ve taken such good care of me.”
“Please, don’t worry about a thing. It’s my job.”
“It’s not, though. You’re not a doctor anymore.” She hadn’t said it as an insult. He didn’t take it as one.
He secured her braid at the bottom. “That’s true. But I think, sometimes… we are things, and we never stop being them. Even if we want to.”
After a moment, Mahiru reached out for his hand again. “In that case, I’m glad you didn’t stop. Thank you.”
Shidou turned his face away. He busied himself with gathering up his medical supplies.
“I’ll be back to check on you soon.” He disappeared before she could even offer a goodbye.
“Shidou, is that you?” Mahiru’s voice called from inside the interrogation room, sounding frantic.
It wasn’t uncommon for prisoners to spend time there when they wanted a change of scenery. Shidou never much preferred the odd atmosphere of the room, and he especially wanted to stay far away after the events of the previous day.
This extraction had affected him more than he’d expected. He knew the machine was supposed to read one’s heart, not change it – but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something in him had shifted. He had stumbled out of the cold, dim room with the same three faces burned into his mind as always. This time, however, the pain they caused took on a different shape. He couldn’t quite put it into words. He didn’t dare ask Es what they had heard, though he would admit he was desperate for someone to untangle his burden of emotions.
“We need some help in here! It’s Fuuta…” That caught his attention. He knew Fuuta’s right eye had grown agitated, requiring some special treatment. He’d just given him something to dull the pain a few hours ago. Fearing something had gone horribly wrong, he rushed inside.
To his relief, Fuuta was standing on the other side of the table and looking intact. Mahiru was reaching out to him from her wheelchair, but he swatted her hands away. He tried to sidestep her persistence, which was when Shidou noticed him swaying dangerously with the motion, as if his legs were ready to give out.
“Shut the fuck up, I’m doin’ great.” His voice was somewhere between slurred and sleepy. Shidou would have guessed he was drunk if Milgram had allowed alcohol on regular occasions.
Mahiru’s hands clasped together. “I had come in looking for Yuno, and found him like–”
“Tell ‘er, doc! Tell ‘er I’m fine.” Fuuta shook a bottle of liquid in Mahiru’s face. Shidou recognized it as the pain medication he’d prescribed. “I did esssactly what he said. I’m taking care of myself. Taking fucking care of myself.” He nearly dropped it, scrambling with clumsy motions to catch it and stuff it back into his pockets.
Fuuta held up two fingers. “He said to take it twice. Every twice an hour. Twice on the hours. Yeah. Two times.” He squinted, neither sure nor caring if his words weren’t lining up. “Twice. I promised I’d… I’m lookin’ after myself, see? I’m gonna get better. Takin’... takin’ my medicine.”
It wasn’t medicine. It was just painkillers.
Mahiru shot Shidou a desperate look. “I think he’s been taking a double dose every thirty minutes. Is he…?”
Shidou was trained well enough to keep his face straight. He reassured her, “he’ll be okay.” He hurried around the table as Fuuta’s balance swung once more. “It’s certainly not a healthy dosage, but he’s not in any immediate danger.”
“I tol’ you, I’m doing great. I’m great!”
“I bet you are…” Shidou mumbled.
Fuuta seemed to nod off for a moment, still standing, before his head jerked back up. He tugged on one of the belts around his shoulder. “This jacket is fffffucking uncomfortable.”
“Let’s get you back to your cell.” Shidou maintained a firm grip on his arm, leading him to the doorway. Between the other’s stumbling steps and general reluctance to be dragged around, progress was slow.
“He can come stay in my cell, actually.” Mahiru’s voice was soft as she followed close beside them. Shidou glanced back at her. Out of all the prisoners, she and Fuuta had the most trouble getting along. Yet, the offer seemed genuine – not one of her typical bouts of obligatory politeness. “Someone should stay with him. Isn’t he going to have weird dreams?”
Once again, Shidou’s poker face did him good. ‘Dreams’ was an understatement given how empty the bottle had sounded when shaken. “He will. You don’t need to trouble yourself, though. I’ll ask Es if I can stay with him.”
“If you weren’t allowed to spend the night when we were dying, they definitely won't let you do it now.” Even she appeared surprised by the bite that crept into her words. Shidou was constantly reminded that the woman was stronger than she looked. She’d survived this long after falling so near death, after all.
Mahiru continued, “us guilty prisoners can share cells, though.”
“Oh? I wasn’t aware of that.”
Fuuta, who they both assumed had zoned out, spoke up loudly. “Aw yeah, for sure. I’ve slept in Mikoto’s cell sometimes. Or – or – or, not slept all night in his cell, you know?” He burst into giggles at his own words.
Mahiru forced a smile that became more of a grimace. “Well, I wasn’t planning on delving into those details, but… yes.”
“And we’re not the only ones!" Fuuta continued, unfazed, "didja know that –”
“ — Fuuta,” Shidou interjected, not caring to learn any more private information about the others. “You wouldn’t want to go telling things that aren’t yours to tell.”
“No, no, no, no… You don’t hafta worry. It’s not like it’s a secret.” Fuuta leaned into Shidou for emphasis, though his weight stayed on him for support after a minute. “I’m good at keepin’ secrets.”
“I’m sure.”
Fuuta thought he was whispering, but even in his right mind he wasn’t known for his volume control. “And don’t worry. I won’t tell Mahiru your secret. The one that… that you had a kid. And he died.”
Shidou’s breath caught. Mahiru had let out a little sound, though she tried to hide the horror in her expression.
“I know you’re sad about it. But I. Uh. We’re all sad. So I won’t say aaaanything.”
They walked a few more steps in silence. Shidou knew he could easily talk himself out of the situation. Fuuta’s word wasn't exactly trustworthy at the moment. However, the only thing worse than facing Mahiru’s accusations would be blatantly denying his children’s existence with his own tongue. That was one lie he could not tell.
“... Thank you, Fuuta.”
“Mm hm, I gotchu.”
Shidou should have known his little outburst earlier would have tipped him off. He also should have been better prepared for this to happen. He had to have known that he couldn’t spend the entirety of his imprisonment here never once discussing his family. He should have known there would be a time to stop running.
Perhaps that was the new emotion he’d experienced during the last extraction. No, he felt too much like running from this still. So what had it been?
They made it to Mahiru’s cell after some insisting on her end. As much as it frustrated him, it was true that there was nothing more he could do.
She swung the bars shut, leaving him outside. Shidou watched the pair get settled. His hand tightened around one of the bars. What if the medication did cause something worse? What if Mahiru couldn’t handle the long night locked up with a hallucinating murderer? His knuckles were surely white underneath his gloves.
Mahiru grabbed an extra blanket from her things. Her eyes flicked once to Shidou before returning to the bedding she was making up. “I won’t mention it to anyone. I know how difficult all this must be.”
Shidou just watched as she fended off Fuuta’s protests to use the blanket. He wanted to thank her for the discretion, but shouldn’t he be through with all these secrets? He took a breath.
“I had a daughter, too.”
Now she turned her full attention to him. He prepared himself for the painful questions. The assumptions. The accusations. They would all be true.
Instead, she smiled gently. “What were their names?”
He blinked. Then he told her.
“Those are really beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
She looked like she was going to say more, but the curfew bell rang out and rattled the whole prison. Shidou could just make out the locks clicking shut. His grip tightened on the bars.
As soon as the bells quieted, Fuuta scrambled around in his pockets. “Shit, I gotta take my medicine…”
“No!” Mahiru swiped the bottle out of his hand. “You’ve taken quite enough.” She wheeled herself over to the door to pass it through the bars.
“No, I gotta take it! Doctor’s orders!”
Shidou shook his head. “It’s alright, Fuuta. I’m glad you were looking after yourself.”
“Well yeah,” he flopped down onto the ground once more. “You… you said you didn’t want me to die. I don’t want me to die. Fuck. I don’t want to die.”
Mahiru reached her hands out to take his. She spoke softly to him, something sweet and sympathetic he would have spat at any other day. Instead, he even appeared to be holding on just as tightly in return.
She glanced back at Shidou. “You’ll be back tomorrow to check on him?”
He nodded. Then his glove slipped from the door. He would see them tomorrow. This would unlock with the next bell and he'd have all day to treat them. And the next day. He’d have the day after that, too. He’d have a long time, actually. If they all made it out of this place, he’d likely see them through a full recovery.
Mahiru patted Fuuta’s back as he continued to whisper, “I don’t want to die.”
Though Shidou’s smile was pained, he spoke the truth he had finally managed to put into words.
“Yeah, you and me both.”