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The first time Nai realizes he might be missing something is when he is four years old. He reaches out suddenly towards his twin, his beloved other half, barely even understood to be another person at the time, but understood to be his, and Vash flinches. This is enough to set him bawling, and Vash immediately cuddles up to him, cooing in a clumsy attempt at comfort. After that, Nai clings even harder to his twin, not understanding what could have made Vash back away from him even for an instant, some deep half-forgotten instinct screaming that they have to stay together to stay safe, and that anything coming between them would be worse than death.
Vash, for his part, accepts Nai with open arms, seemingly content to have his brother hovering around him protectively. But Nai can’t help but notice after that that if he suddenly appears in Vash’s sight with no warning, Vash will flinch for a split second even as his wide goofy smile covers his face in greeting. As a solution, Nai resolves to leave his brother’s sight as little as possible.
This is not always possible as the orphanage that they are growing up in has strict rules, grouping all the children in rotating batches for meals, naps, and lessons with no regard for keeping siblings together. Nai hates it here, unable to always force the bullies to back off from his crybaby brother who refuses to ever fight back, or to protect them from the cold eyes of the uncaring adults with absolute control over their lives.
Things improve when they are six years old and are adopted by a woman called Rem. She is not the first person who had been interested in adopting Vash or Nai, but she is the first one who had been willing to take them both in. Whenever anyone had tried, Nai, and even Vash, crybaby pushover that he could be when it came to anyone outside of his twin, would throw such a fuss that the potential adopter always changed their mind. This, Nai has always felt, is how it should be; him and Vash against the world.
When Rem first declared that she would love to take both boys in as “family should take care of each other!” Nai had been ecstatic. They could finally escape the strict uncaring orphanage, allowing him to be able to properly take care of his brother, to make sure nothing would ever happen that could teach Vash to flinch.
When he turns to Vash, instead of the joy he expects to see on his face, he instead sees that far off look Vash sometimes gets, when he thinks Nai isn’t paying attention. One that is old and tired, with an edge of grief Nai can barely scratch the surface of, even though cuddling close and reassuring Vash that Nai is here, they’re safe, can at least soften the sharpness. Nai is just beginning to resolve to reject Rem when that gaze flickers between him and Rem for a long instant, and the more familiar expression of stubborn optimism fills Vash’s face.
“Yeah! Let’s be a family!” Vash chirps, though Nai can hear the worry no one else in the room would be able to catch undercutting his cheer. Turning to look straight at Nai, Vash continues, “We can make it work, with all three of us this time. I’m sure of it.”
After this things get better for the twins. They no longer need to share space with other orphans, nor are they shuffled along into activities with the bare minimum of care. Rem lets them find their own interests and never forces them to separate. As Nai had hoped, Vash’s cheer rings true more often, and he catches Vash with that far off look on his face less often.
And yet. The flinching never stops. Whenever Nai tries to ask Vash about it, he gets laughed off and the subject is quickly changed. He cannot understand what his twin could be hiding, what could have happened to scar his twin so badly that he would flinch from Nai of all people, who would do absolutely anything in order to protect him?
Over the years, life continues on, with school being the new obstacle to overcome. Both Nai and Vash excel academically, but they often get forced into separate classes, leaving Nai unable to protect Vash. He knows some kids still bully Vash, as if some instinct tells them that Vash will never fight back, making him an easy target. When he confronts Vash, begging him to learn to retaliate, Vash always refuses, saying that conflict can never be resolved with violence. And when he presses for names so he can resolve this himself, once and for all, he sees a glimmer of true fear in Vash’s eyes, as he yells that he never, ever, wants Nai to fight his battles for him. This, Nai resolves, must be because Vash is too scared of his bullies and does not truly believe Nai is strong enough to escape this unharmed.
After that conversation, Vash’s flinches get worse, his worried stare following Nai around as Nai begins to talk to students one by one to determine who is a threat to his brother. This time, it is Vash who becomes clingy, rarely allowing Nai to do any investigating, constantly pulling him away from the rest of the students.
Nai, of course, doesn’t mind in the slightest, even finding some satisfaction that Vash is now spending more time with him than any of his classmates. When they are alone together, Vash flinches and worries less, further emphasizing to Nai that it is other people who set Vash off, who remind him of whatever trauma Nai failed to prevent in their childhood. And that it was up to Nai to protect him now.
Despite his investigation being slowed due to Vash’s clinginess, Nai eventually pinpoints the bullies. His retribution for their sins against Vash is swift and brutal, giving them a beating that breaks multiple bones and framing that beating as a fight the bullies had between each other over drugs they were selling. The bullies are then stuck in the hospital for multiple weeks and suspended.
Walking with Vash the next day, Nai feels happiness deep in his gut. He finally feels capable of helping Vash. For years he has felt helpless as nothing he could do seemed to improve Vash’s flinches, as that danger had long since passed. But now he is reminded that there are new dangers in the world, and those he can take care of. He can even do it with Vash none the wiser, allowing Vash to feel the safety of his embrace without ever needing to worry about what this cruel world tried to threaten him with. With this, Nai has finally found his purpose.
And one day, Nai will find them. The first person to have ever hurt Vash, to cause that flinch. And on that day, Nai will hunt them down and make them suffer. And in the meantime, Nai will continue with what he does best, protecting Vash. No matter the cost.