Chapter Text
“We should see this as an opportunity.”
Suki turned to face her husband, incredulously. Nish continued.
“We should organise a memorial. For the whole community. Show we care, show we’re a part of it. Establish ourselves even more.”
Suki said nothing. She daren’t, for fear she’d release the bile his words was building up inside her. Nish scowled.
“What is it, Sukhwinder? Hmm? Come on.”
He inched a little closer to her, dropping his voice to a quiet growl.
“If you have something to say, spit it out.”
Suki met his eyes.
“I just don’t think organising a big do for a girl you barely knew will be the popularity boost you think it will.”
Nish glowered at her.
“I am stepping up. I am raising the Panesar name from the gutter because you were too busy wrapping our children in cotton wool and enabling them to dwindle away any shred of dignity we had –“
“You did a fine job of that yourself, Nish,” Suki snapped back.
“You are my wife, and you WILL respect me! How dare you take that tone –“
“A GIRL HAS DIED.”
Suki found herself practically panting with the strain of her anger.
“Lola is dead, Nish. She had barely seen what life had to offer, and she had it snatched away from her. Her little girl is over there, right now, grieving. Trying to process all the years she’ll now have to live without her. And you’re standing here talking about it as a way to ingratiate yourself. So don’t you dare talk to ME about tone.”
Suki collected herself, Nish standing there processing her words like a petulant toddler. A toddler well on a way to a tantrum.
“Sukhwinder. You WILL go over there. You WILL offer to sort a memorial out for them. YOU WILL DO AS YOU ARE TOLD.”
Suki grabbed her handbag and moved towards the kitchen door. She turned, determined to get the last word, for once.
“I will go over there, yes. But to support my friend. That’s all.”
The plate shattered violently against the door. Suki had shut it quickly enough when she saw Nish move to avoid getting the full blast of debris, but a couple of shards still pierced her arm. She could not bring herself to care, though. What were a few shards when the Square had lost such a pure soul?
She walked towards Honey’s, determinedly. She knew not to stay – times like this, people were always overwhelmed. Support was best provided subtly, not smotheringly. But she would be supportive. Just as Honey was with Jags.
Suki knocked on the door and felt her heart drop into her stomach as Billy answered the door.
“Billy.”
“Hi. Listen, Honey’s out – she wanted to take Janet to get some air. But we’re not really up to visitors at the moment anyway.”
He didn’t even sound sad. Or angry. Or tired. Just completely and utterly defeated.
“I’m not stopping. I just wanted to give her this.”
She handed him a letter. Billy raised an eyebrow.
“I’ve not forgotten how much Honey helped me through some very rough times. And I wasn’t always as supportive or kind to her as I should’ve been. So, I’m hoping to return the favour. Just – tell her I stopped. Please.”
“I will.”
Billy looked at her, a soft kind of understanding in his lined face. Suki wouldn’t say she was sorry. She knew how much that could break a soul. She was internally spitballing alternatives when –
“You’re bleeding.”
Suki looked down at her arm.
“Oh, yeah.”
She forced a chuckle.
“Vinny always over-stacks the cupboards. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t trust him with it.”
Billy snorted in response.
“Billy, I –“
“Don’t. Please don’t.”
Suki touched his elbow.
“If you ever need anything. Any of you. Don’t hesitate.”
Billy nodded his thanks and retreated.
“Get that seen to. Bye, love.”
“Bye.”
As Suki walked away, she pondered the letter she’d written:
Honey,
There are many that will say that they can’t imagine what you’re going through. But you and I both know that I can.
The only way I got through that time was you being there through everything, reminding me that whatever I was feeling, I am not a bad person.
I think it’s an understatement to say that I’m not good at sentiment. It’s not a comfortable territory for me. But I would never forgive myself if I let you go through this without saying the following three things:
- You DO NOT deserve this.
- You ARE NOT a bad person.
- You ARE ALLOWED to live.
It may be months, it may be years, but one day you will believe that.
Take care,
Suki