Work Text:
It’s not like he wasn’t tender in the area that names and nicknames rested. Cartman was the first to take action when any perceived attack or insult was hurled, and he made sure there were drastic consequences. His personality in general was the more probable cause for these comments, nobody with any logical distaste would speak to him fondly. Of course, in Cartman’s small world, this meant they were complete bullshit, but it was always easier to believe everyone else was wrong compared to you. You were the only person who got to call yourself fat and make it stick.
It didn’t even matter, Stan was whipped, Kenny was poor and Kyle was too many things to describe at once. They had no room to judge him, yes, they definitely didn’t.
But for once, entirely unrelated to his nonexistent affection for his friends, he’d appreciate just plain simple Eric.
If he ever dared ask, genuinely as can be, he’d be shot down pretty damn quickly. He’d cover it up with lies and probably explode about something that had nothing to do with his problem. What was the point of getting his feelings out? It was much better just taking it out on someone else when it got too intense, when the pages of his notebook (not filled with sketches of dicks) were rather filled with complaints and anger he had no other outlet for. This was why he people drank, he’d mutter to himself as he hoisted himself through Kyle’s window.
Well, if he were to be fair on the odd occasion, he would acknowledge that some people did think him fit enough to be called by his first name.
His mother called him so many fond names that they almost didn’t mean anything at all, especially when they came from the person who’s known you since birth. Her words didn’t mean much at all really, she’d promise things before being secure, and as much as people believed she coddled him, it was only to make up for her complete absence when he really needed her. Cartman knew she gave him everything he physically wanted, she indulged his attitude, but if he ever really needed something emotional, she was out with a man that he would have to track down later.
It was easy to think he had everything he wanted, but when she called him Eric, it felt like a way to sway him in her favour. I’ll give you whatever you want, just forgot the marks on my neck, or the lipstick smudged on my lips. He’d probably hug her, tell her he loved her, and kill the man before the end of the night. He’d break into Butters or Kyle’s house for comfort, the former letting him stay and the latter probably hauling him outside for a chat.
It wasn’t like everyone treated him like shit, he wasn’t in a position to be picky, but he did have options.
Butters seemed to just go along with everything he said, which usually would tide over well with his ambition and plans, but sometimes it bothered Cartman. If he hit a particular bout of depression over something trivial, considering how quick his mood changed, Butters being so friendly almost annoyed him. The way his first name slipped off the tongue like it was an easy insult, it almost was an insult. Cartman was tearing him apart, Butters would build him back up even if he himself was in pieces. What was the point of putting someone done if they agreed with you? It drew from Cartman a rare, almost frustrated pity.
Butters was everything he needed, well, if he were a good person. He was everything someone like Cartman ought to have for support, but he really didn’t deserve it. Cartman would yell, scream, break something, and Butters would smile pliantly and take it on as happy as can be. Cartman liked testing the limits, but only in his more vindictive moments. Butters was so sweet regardless, it was impossible not to get somewhat attached, even if he’d never admit and would sacrifice Butters for his own gain. His love, or appreciation, was soft and easily trampled by his spite and anger. So when Butters, in his usual twinge of an accent, smiled that sweetly and called him ‘Eric’, it almost felt offensive.
Cartman had almost snapped before. He’d almost told Butters to stop being so damn cheerful and stop being so kind, but he was selfish, and he wanted someone to manipulate more than someone to let go of for the better. He preferred being the one someone else couldn’t get rid of.
If there was one thing he’d be proud to live for, it was to be the thorn in Kyle’s side. It gave him more joy than it should, more than he was willing to admit. It was the satisfaction that kept him coming back, the look on Kyle’s face when he was either deeply humiliated, pissed off, or so damn confused that Cartman got to explain it to him.
That being said, he couldn’t stand not having Kyle there. It wasn’t anything to do with support or friendship, at least not to as much of an extent as it was to prolong his obsession with someone whose affectionate name for Cartman was fatass. He was half convinced that Kyle had forgotten his first name altogether until one day, when Cartman had gotten well into making his night visits a daily routine, Kyle had actually woken up. Cartman didn’t worry in the slightest, he had chloroform in his back pocket, but Kyle, in his sleepy haze, was more mildly bothered than full blown angry. Maybe all the pent up ginger rage melted away in the darkness.
Cartman had told him to go back to sleep, go the fuck back to sleep, but Kyle had merely groaned and mumbled “Go home, Eric.” Cartman stopped in his tracks, completely forgetting what he actually intended to do, and stared so hard at the ground he thought it was moving. Nobody had ever uttered it in such a way that struck him so heavily, he hated it. He changed his mind, the people who had the opportunity to call him by his first name made him feel too soft, too simplistic and too damn pleased without any kind of personal gain. Cartman had moved a lot slower, imaging Kyle telling him that he needed to go for a run, then nearly broke the window just to feel like he had the upper hand again.
Yes. He hated it. He hated it so much that he lingered a little longer when his mom called him from the kitchen. He waited a moment to look Butters in the eye. He only woke Kyle when he knew he was going to be drowsy.