Chapter Text
"What do you mean?"
After that Sieun realizes that maybe he sounded strange or random.
“It's just that my dad isn't here and…” He couldn't think of anything else to say that would help or demonstrate why he'd suggested it in the first place.
“Don't you want to be alone? Is that?”
That wasn't the problem, Sieun doesn't mind being alone. But that's not the point. It's not about being alone, it's about wanting Sooho around. And when he realizes that, he sees that maybe the things that are coming out of his mouth lately go against everything he is.
Being the first to ask out was never his thing. Texting before bed either. Or sharing dessert, or buying a spare coffee. Waking up on Saturdays to run or postpone a study session.
Sieun didn't recognize himself. Sieun was no longer in control of his actions. He didn't feel normal.
Sieun doesn't respond.
"It's late and there's school tomorrow.” Sooho says. “Well, we could go together, I won't worry about waking up if you're going to drag me out of bed.” He continues, thinking at loud.
Sieun just listens, eyes wide open on Sooho. Helmet still in his hands, backpack weighing on his back. The cold wind and her rosy cheeks.
Sometimes Sooho made him feel like an idiot. But with no bad meaning. And it wasn't always.
In fact, it wasn't Sooho's fault that Sieun overthink every word he was using, or whether it was better to simply remain silent.
His brain knew how to use formulas and he had a great photographic memory, but none of that was useful with Sooho. With Sooho all the systematic things didn't work and he didn't know what to do.
Without math, or physics, or chemistry, how am I going to demonstrate to Sooho that I just don't want to say goodbye tonight? That I actually hate to say goodbye, that I'm afraid to take my eyes off him…
He tried to use the words, the syllables with the letters of the alphabet that he knew well, together in a sentence that looked like this: do you want to sleep at home tonight?
Ugh! Stupidity.
Anyway, now, if Sooho really wanted to stay and accept his suggestion, it would be his decision, and he wouldn't lift a single finger to make it happen.
He would just watch Sooho talk "by himself" as his own way of making a pros and cons list.
“Would you make breakfast?”
Forget it, Sieun couldn't bear to hear that.
“You don't have to stay.”
“You look like you can cook.” Sooho ignores Sieun and continues talking in his own line of reasoning.
“I am going up.”
But when Sieun carelessly hands over the helmet and turns around, Sooho stops him.
“Hey, I'll go with you.”