Chapter Text
Kaeya looks down the building, still wasted from all the booze he chugged on a while ago, unsure of his decision yet urged by an unknown emotion, he wonders if this is was what his heart had desired all along.
He never felt such uneasiness yet peace for years on end, the same feeling from back when Crepus would soothe his strained and petrified self to sleep upon suffering from the constant and relentless night terrors.
Back when Diluc would snuggle up at his side, staring with so much concern and affection as he held onto his brother's fragile hand seeping with warmth, eyes so endearing as if praying for all of his little brother's pain to vanish and dissipate.
Now that gaze is no longer.. it has become nothing but a gaze of bitterness and hatred.
"It's okay.." He tells himself.
A teardrop falls on the floor.
"It's okay..isn't it...?"
He mumbles to himself wearing a bitterly painful and teary expression full of sorrow, biting his lip and squinting his eyes trying his best to halt his tears.
Standing at the very top of the building's tower, his gaze slowly shifts to an unsettling and shallow one, staring into a void of nothingness at the ground beneath his feet up from the frightening height with empty and hallow eyes, as he steps closer to the edge.
He remembers what he was supposed to be; a traitor to mondstadt, and a savior to kaen'riah.
And then, what he actually was; a coward, assigned with a mission he never alleged to accomplish, he has failed his own people, his own nation.
At first he couldn't muster up the courage to cause any harm of any sort. Shameful and guilty, he didn't want to bite the hand that fed him, but soon it grew into something far more than beholdenness.
An immense sense of fondness and affection washed over him, to both the people that raised him and the city's people he had sworn to protect.
With a secret weighting heavy on his heart, and yet still so much shame and guilt to bear, he had to let his people down, he had to fail them in order to protect what's dearer, but it all burned to the ground when he revealed what he was on a foolish whim.
And lost what mattered to him most.
The day he lost everything, the night he failed his sole family and long gone nation..he has nothing more to lose, he is now determined.
_
Bartending to avoid pondering his usual thoughts, Diluc can't help but feel that something awfully wrong is going on with the cavalry captain since he left half an hour ago; his immoderate alcohol drinking habit has spiked up far from the usual amount, and the words he was mumbling earlier...are definitely not making him worry any less.
"Thank you.. I'm..so so so very sorry, but it'll be okay..I hope to find it in you to forgive me one day, "......" "." What was he on about all of a sudden?? I couldn't make out what he said at the end.."
Diluc said under his breath with a perplexed expression, "Not that I care." He shrugged to himself, in a desperate attempt to not get swayed he tells himself that it doesn't matter and that it must've just been another pathetic act from him, "ALWAYS been the dramaqueen." rolling his eyes, He mutters under his breath in an irritated tone. As he harshly rubs at a stained cup with a cloth, he suddenly pauses "Right.. it's Kaeya's birthday today.."
After a long clash with his unsolicited emotions, and so much pondering, Diluc finally gives in and let's out an annoyed groan signaling his defeat and contemplates on what to gift him. 'it's only this once.. he's been looking way too down lately it's annoying to have him drink himself dumb every single night here anyway..let's just drop it at his door and leave' He thinks to himself but doesn't admit he's worried.
He hasn't celebrated his brother's birthday or his since that night, the day his father died and the same night the huge conflict took place. He decided to put his cockiness and pride aside and wish his brother a happy birthday this once, picking up two bottles of Kaeya's favorite drink, Death Afternoon, and heading out. While it might not be the best gift for an alleged alcoholic.. that, was all he could think of to offer in the midst of his worries.
Although he had heard this name enough times to cloud his dreams, it somehow shook something in him this time.
_
It's been half an hour since Kaeya left Angel's Share and a few minutes since Diluc headed out, but the ominous feeling resting at the pit of his stomach took over him as soon as he approached the knights headquarter.
Just as he was about to step in, a guard, so pale as if a ghost was seen bumped into Diluc as he rushed in with so much urgency. Seemingly looking for somebody. However despite his rude behavior, Diluc decided to ignore it and instead take a look at what was happening on the other side of the building that is causing all this ruckus.
The other side was full of guards gathering around something.
"Is there a sparring going on? Must be quite the spar if he's looking like someone just splattered dead on the ground..." He ponders but eventually shrugs it off
"Heavens...is that sir kaeya..?"
Diluc's body stiffens at the familiar name whispered far within the crowd, even when he couldn't quite grasp the situation, he knew it was no good. He takes a step behind..
"Kaeya...?"
Diluc mutters as his crippling anxiety begins to take over which leaves him no time to stall.. two hesitant steps forward turned into him impatiently squeezing his way in through the crowd.
The more he struggles to pass through, the more his uneasiness grows and his breathing hitches.
As the words kaeya mumbeld earlier resurfaced, his heart races faster.. as if threatening to rip out of his ribcage.
His thoughts become hazy, the looming sense of dread takes a complete and firm hold of his state, the shaking won't stop as he feels the power in his legs fail him.
Dripping in sweat and overcome with fear, he desperately squeezes through praying nothing bad happened to his brother.
Making it through the cramped crowd, Sweat dripped from his forehead and left round marks on the grey floor. His heart drops, and so do the bottles he was holding.
With the sound of bottles shattering being the last thing he hears, he steps backwards in utter disbelief with what remains of strength in his legs. Droplets of sweat pouring on the floor, his face snatched of color, eyes wide open. His lips quivering as he gasps for air, a painful lump forms in his throat.
He stares at the scene blankly, everything felt like a bleak delusion..
His eyes met his dear brother's limp body on the hard cold ground, blood still seeping from the blue haired's head, his body drenched in his own red fluids had brought Diluc to his knees, his legs had failed him at last...
his world spinning and vision growing hazier, as Diluc spiraled..the buzzing grew louder in his head. He lets out a choked moan.
"Oh god..oh god oh god oh god..."
"Kaeya, please, no, please, this can't be real, this can't be real, Kaeya, please, don't do this to me. No, no, no, no."
He mumbled, not even knowing what he was saying. But those words could not make a sound, they drifted only in his mouth.
"It isn't blood. It can't be blood. Not his blood no..he cannot be dead.. he's not dead..right? Right he's not.." his choked moans now turning into sobbing ones.
After all The corpse before him cannot be Kaeya, right? There's no way it could be Kaeya! surely not his little brother's??
"That's right, I'm probably... right now..my eyes are playing tricks on me..! That must be it!!"
However fate is cruel enough to shatter his desperate attempt of breaking from this daymare.
Once Kaeya's dull open eyes devoid of life came into view, Diluc felt his breathing halt.
For a moment, Diluc stared blankly at the guard's face who's been yelling at him to back up along the crowd then turned his head. Suddenly, like a half-crazed person, he began to walk towards infinity.
His body suddenly acted on its own, his pace picking up, hopelessly dragging his feet in dread so he could rush to his brother's side, pushing the guard away.
But no matter how hard he dragged himself, for Diluc, the path felt endless.