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Ponyboy is probably the weirdest guy Steve knows. Because he’s not really a guy. Well, okay, he is. Don’t let Soda catch him saying that, he’d have Steve’s head. And this isn’t because Steve doesn’t like Pony either. Ponyboy just has some weird deal, Steve didn’t really understand it. The only reason he really put up with it was because he liked Soda so damn much. So he gritted his teeth every time the stupid kid came around, which was unfortunately rather often.
Up until a few years ago, around time he’d turned twelve, Pony had been Darry and Sodapop’s younger sister. Nothing much had really changed, Pony still followed and watched Soda with huge, absorbing eyes, and always quietly discussing something with Johnny. Pony really liked sunsets and poems, and those weird pansy movies Steve couldn’t stand, that reminded him of when Soda had dated Sandy, which made him hate them even more.
It wasn’t a weird grief thing - the whole deciding to become a boy situation - the Curtis parents were very much alive and happy when this had happened. They hadn’t batted an eye about it, and neither had Soda or Darry. They acted like it was something everyone they knew did. And for all Steve knew, it could’ve been. When Pony had done it, it made him wonder how many guys he had met that had also once been girls. Was it a thing? Maybe Pony was just a weirdo. But then again, some girls were real touchy about staying above the waist. Maybe there was a reason for it.
Soda had told them all one afternoon, hunched over on a fence, and talking softly. The other guys crowded around, Steve, Two-Bit, Johnny and Dally, and listened carefully. Steve and Two-Bit had made a face, and they all looked at each other. Johnny just watched carefully, waiting to hear what anyone else said before he even opened his mouth.
Soda was watching intently, as if waiting for a negative reaction so he could jump on them. They weren’t really upset by it or nothing, they just found it sort of….odd. As said, they just didn’t know what to think of it. No one had ever met anyone who’d ever done this.
Well, not no one.
“Cool,” Dally said as he lit up a cigarette.
Two-Bit turned to him, his eyebrow raised as usual.
“You don’t find it a little strange?”
“Nah,” Dally had mumbled, grinning lazily around his cigarette. “I knew some folks in New York like that. They’se always a little strange, but damn could they hold their own in a fight.” He glanced up at Soda. “Tell him I said good luck.”
So Ponyboy was a boy now.
It really didn’t change much. Pony wore clothes like the rest of them, and they had to help teach him to grease his hair back. He was still just as bratty and bitchy as ever, they could just be a little rougher with him now. Two-Bit and Steve could toss Pony back and forth all day if they wanted, and even though Pony would put up the biggest fit, they’d see a small smile when they finally set him down.
It all became so dully normal, Steve forgot about it in all honesty.
Till Pony came up to him one day.
“You talked to Soda recently?” He piped up.
Steve looked up, scrunching his face. Pony leaned over the hood of the car, watching him.
“What?”
“You talk to Sodapop recently?” Pony repeated, his tone getting that snarky edge that made Steve want to slam his head in the concrete.
“Yeah,” Steve muttered. “I only work with ‘im.”
Pony rolled his eyes. Steve thought about throwing his wrench at him.
“He needs to talk to you. About. Oh well, I guess you’ll find out.”
“What does that even mean?” Steve started to ask, but Pony was already turned walking out the garage. “Ay! Ponyboy! What’sat mean?” Steve called, but Pony wasn’t listening. Stupid kid never did.
Steve squinted at him walking down the street, before huffing out a breath, and getting back to working on the truck before him.
“You got something you wanna tell me?”
Soda glanced up at Steve. He was slumped against the gas pump, a magazine spread in his hands. He tilted his hat upwards a bit, and looked Steve up and down in the way he always did, that in turn always made Steve shiver a little.
“Hm?”
“Your little idiot brother,” Steve jerked a thumb. “Took time out of his day to run into the garage, ask me if I’ve talked to you recently, then told me I’ll find out whatever it is once I do.”
A brief look flashed across Soda’s face, and he parted his lips as if to say something, but then snapped his jaw shut.
Steve softened, and stepped a little closer.
“This ain’t about Sandy…..or um, your parents or something, is it?”
“No!” Soda said quickly. His eyes were wide, and he was tugging a little at the hair that fell besides his ears and down on his neck. He always did that when he got all edgy.
“Nawh,” He repeated. “‘S just some dumb stuff been going through my mind. You know how it is.”
Steve looked at him puzzled. He tried to move in a little closer to Soda, and said, “I ain’t gonna be mad, Soda.”
Soda chewed his bottom lip, and looked down at his shoes. “It ain’t nothing. Really. Let’s get back to work. I think Mr. Kensington is trying to return that battery again.”
He started off into the main building, and slotted himself into the counter and before the old man. Steve watched him the whole way, and stood there with his hands jammed in his pockets as Soda spoke to the man, but never glanced back at Steve.
Something was definitely up, but whatever it was, Steve was going to have to pry it out of him.
Pony is an okay liar.
But not when he’s nervous, or upset.
Which is usually whenever Steve is around.
They really work each other's nerves.
“What am I supposed to be talking to Soda about?” Steve asks one day. He waits till Soda goes to the bathroom, before storming down the hall to him and Ponyboy’s room. He closes the door quickly, and stands over the younger boy with his arms crossed. Pony is lying on his stomach, feet in the air, and book in hands. He looks up at Steve with mild interest.
“Hm?”
“The other day, you’se came into the DX and harassed me about talking to Soda about something.” Steve said exasperatedly. “And I asked him after you left and he got all weird. So what exactly am I supposed to be speaking to him about?”
Ponyboy furrowed his brow, and set his book to the side. “I can’t go around tellin’ you all of Soda’s business, even if you are his closest friend.”
Steve wanted to rip his hair out. Instead, he just glowered down at Pony and said, “You just about did.” He shook his head. “I am so damn confused. Should I talk to him or not?!”
“You should.” Ponyboy said. “When he’s ready.”
Steve blinked down at Pony, who just shrugged and opened his book. Steve heard the click of the bathroom door down the hall, so instead of swinging Pony around by his ankles, he quickly exited the room.
Steve kind of wonder if Pony is just fucking with him. Soda doesn't say anything to him about anything feeling bad, and doesn't act out of the ordinary.
Well, okay, Steve noticed he'd been staring at the girls who came into the DX more. Like really staring. He used to just kind of glance at them, say a few things to get them all red and laughing. But now, Soda leans further on the counter, watching them with some look Steve can't place. It makes him sweat a little. Honestly, it mostly just makes him sick. Maybe Soda missed girls, and just didn't know how to tell Steve. It wouldn't surprise Steve. He wasn't a pretty girl, he wasn't even pretty. He didn't think he was ugly or nothin, but Soda could certainly pull much nicer looking people than what he was working with. Sandy had been real pretty, a doll for sure, but she'd had other plans.
The thought of all these things combined made his stomach hurt real bad. But as soon as he pointed it out to himself, he saw how much it was true. Soda had this look that landed on just about every girl they ran into. Steve didn’t know what it was exactly, but he understood longing when he saw it.
Shit.
Steve and Soda were together. In a way they didn’t really know how to talk about or put into words. It’s why Steve had gone so easy on Ponyboy when he had done his whole “becoming a man” thing. He figured that Pony changing from girl to boy was okay, since he and Soda had been sneaking kisses behind every closed door they could wedge themselves into for the longest time. It was probably related, in some way.
They had always been like this, really. Steve had been kissing Sodapop for years. When Sandy and Evie had been around, they had taken a break, and not really spoken about it. Soda still stood too close to Steve, still grabbed his hands and jacket even when he didn’t need to, and butted his head against Steve’s when he got excited. Steve never stopped him. He liked Evie, she was real sweet and funny, and her kisses were good too, but she wasn’t Sodapop. Steve didn’t want to admit that to himself for a while, trying to convince himself it was just because he was only used to Soda, but as time went on, he realized she just wasn’t him. And she never would be.
Evie sure didn’t like him and Soda. She always fixed him with this look when Soda would get too touchy, and her upper lip would curl like a pissed off dog. Sodapop was like the little cat that followed Steve around, purring and so friendly for no reason, rubbing all over him, and Evie was the dog that stalked a couple paces behind always, a low growl constantly emitting from her throat. She’d pull Steve away from Soda when he did those things, and narrow her eyes at him. Soda always leaned back when she did it, and clamped his mouth shut real tight. It caused a lot of arguments between them, till one day she had snapped at him, and told him if he cared about her at all, he’d stop letting Soda be such a little queer around him all the time. It was the only time Steve had gotten rough with her, and they were basically done as soon as the words left her mouth. The thing was, Evie fought back. That’s why Steve liked her so much, she would get all rowdy with him too.
But this time, it just hadn’t worked out.
He still saw her around every now and then. They were a lot more polite to each other, but she still had that thin look in her eyes when she saw Steve, and her jaw clamped at this angle that made it look like she was working on gnawing something in her mouth down to a fine dust.
Whatever.
Steve had stormed right down to the Curtis house after him and Evie’s ‘breakup’. He and Sodapop had walked around the block a couple times, before ending up at the park, Soda burrowing into his jacket in the cold air while Steve continued his angry rant, pacing back and forth.
“Steve,” Soda had finally whispered, grabbing the front of his jacket and pulling him in. Steve halted his words, and leaned into Soda’s grasp, pushing his temple to Soda’s. He reached his hands out onto Soda’s hips, and he didn’t even care he was doing nothing but proving Evie right. He had missed Soda. He hadn’t even realized how much he had really fucking missed Soda and every single part to him, especially when Soda had pressed his mouth to Steve’s, and Steve realized that while Evie had been good at kissing, and letting Steve slide his hands up her shirt, but she was nothing like Soda. She had never even been anything close to Soda, or the way Soda made Steve feel. He felt a bit dizzy as he bit at Soda’s bottom lip, and pulled back a moment to take in a deep breath.
“Sorry,” Soda had murmured. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Steve had breathed out, pressing against Soda again. “A lot better now.”
Soda giggled, and pushed his face against Steve’s. He was still with Sandy at the time of that night-they had always gotten along real well, been friends before she had started coming onto him, and if she noticed the way Soda got too close to Steve sometimes, she had never said anything about it-but for that night, Soda had been his again. It was just them, like it had been the night after their eighth grade dance on the walk home, or all those nights Steve slept over after his dad had tossed him to the curb, and he and Soda had bunked it out in the bathtub, wanting to have a moment alone, and not with Ponyboy in the same bed as them, swapping a cigarette and spit all night. It was like every time they had a moment alone at the DX, and Soda had pressed a quick kiss to the nearest spot, and Steve had dragged him into the employees only bathroom by the belt loops, making Soda giggle the whole way there.
It was like that, and at that moment Steve had never felt anything better. Anything.
Sodapop had separated with Sandy, and cried for a couple weeks. She had broken his heart good, leaving him all the sudden like that. It made Steve’s blood boil just thinking about it. Course, in the end he forgave her, because on the second week of Soda getting teary-eyed and inconsolable over her, he and Steve had sex.
Real honest-to-god sex. They’d fooled around before, of course. Seen each other naked or almost naked more times than they could count, jerked each other off a lot, tried blowing each other a few times, but this was the first time they went all the way. It was probably one of Steve’s favorite memories in his entire life. Soda had cried during it, but then hadn’t stopped telling Steve “I love you” for the next hour.
Yeah. It was real good.
“D’y’ever wish I was a girl?” Steve finally blurted out one day, when Soda’s hand was tugging at his belt, and they were pressed against each other in the employees only bathroom again. Sodapop jerked to a stop, and gave Steve a puzzled look.
“Huh?”
Steve felt his face get even hotter, and tried to ignore everything else about this, even though he kind of just wanted to say forget it, and let Soda keep pushing him up against the wall right now, but it was bugging his brain so bad he found himself continuing a ramble.
“Like-I know you’se still like girls, man. And I do too, but you…I don’t know. I seen the way you look at those girls that come into the DX now, Soda. Maybe you don’t, but I do. I just, I gotta know. Do you wish I was a girl? Do you miss her that much? Do you…” Steve trailed off, not sure what else to say, and not wanting to say anything else when he saw the look that crossed Sodapop’s face after asking if he missed her.
Soda looked at him with this look, that wasn’t sad per se, but had this hurt twist to it. Like Soda wanted to cry, but at the same time like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
Like he was too stunned to cry.
“I shouldn’ta said this,” Steve gritted.
“No,” Soda said softly. “No, no it’s okay, I…um, well. I guess you are right. I have been friendly with the girls more now, I guess.”
Well, that fucking hurt to hear. Steve winced a little, and glanced up at Soda, who quickly continued.
“But it’s not because I want them. Steve, I promise you are exactly what I need right now. I don’t wish you was a girl or anything, I’m so happy with you I could….jeez,” He shook his head, and bit his lower lip. Steve rested his hands on Soda’s hips again, and Soda leaned in further to him. It was the most they had ever said about what went on between them, and it was both terrifying and the best thing Steve had ever heard in his entire life.
“I don’t know how to explain it.” Soda said softly in Steve’s ear. “I don’t know how to…to put it into words. You know I’m real dumb with stuff like that.”
“You ain’t dumb,” Steve murmured back. “Just try. Just cause you ain’t Ponyboy and his stupid ass poems about the tree in the yard or some shit doesn’t mean I won’t understand you.”
Soda laughed at that, but fisted his hands in Steve’s jacket, not looking at him.
“Come on,” Steve said gently. “Talk to me.” He nudged Sodapop's shoe with the toe of his foot.
Soda took in a deep breath, before pressing himself further against Steve. Steve held him close, and waited. Soda was real emotional, and sometimes he just needed a minute. He knew Soda almost as well as he knew himself. Probably better, honestly. At least Soda made sense.
“Sometimes,” Soda started, so quiet Steve could almost barely hear him over the sound of the creaking fan above them. “Sometimes I….I get jealous of them.”
“Of who?”
“The girls.” Soda spat out. Steve blinked.
“What do you mean?”
Soda shook his head, rubbing his face against the shoulder of Steve’s jacket.
“Everything, Steve. Oh god, I’m such a fucking…Shit, you know how you said I wasn’t Ponyboy? Well sometimes I think I am.”
Steve was more confused than when they had started, but he just thumbed Soda’s hips, and let him keep talking.
“You remember when Pony became a boy?” Sodapop asked very softly, his voice cracking at the end. Steve nodded. “Well,” Soda sucked in a breath. “Sometimes, I think I’m kind of like that. Sometimes I think I kind of want to be a girl.” As soon as he had said it, the tears leaked out of his eyes faster and faster. Steve felt his mouth open a little in surprise, and could tell Soda was crying by the way he shook against Steve.
“Oh god I’m so sorry Steve. I’m so fucking sorry, I know it’s weird and I know you don’t like it, but hell I just can’t stop thinking it. I wish I was your girl sometimes, so you could parade me around town and we could go into diners and make out in the trucks you borrow. I wish I could wear all those cute clothes the girls do, and put my hair up nice and be all pretty like they are.”
His voice got quieter as he spoke, and cracked again at the last few sentences. He buried his face in Steve’s shoulder. Steve didn’t know what to do. Soda, as his girl? Well, shit.
He’d love to parade Soda around town. He’d love to tell the girls that came into the DX to fuck off, to bring Soda into diners and stick his tongue down his throat right there. He really would love that, more than he had realized.
But Soda as a girl?
He wrapped his arms tight around Soda, and kissed his jaw and side of his neck, where Soda was sensitive. That seemed to help him a bit, but he still muttered out another, “Sorry.”
“Why’se you sorry?” Steve whispered. “I ain’t mad. I told you I wouldn’t be, and I ain’t.”
“Because it’s so fucking weird,” Soda whined, his voice muffled by the jean on Steve’s shoulder. “We’re already risking our jobs and fuckin’ everything doing all this, and I’d never trade it for the world ever, but now I want to dress up sometimes? Now I want to be your little girlfriend sometimes? Fuck. What am I thinking?”
“I want you to be my little girlfriend,” Steve blurted out. He thought he felt Soda paused, and smile into his shoulder, but he wasn’t sure. Soda pulled his face up after a moment. It was red, and a little wet, but he looked at Steve with such adoration, Steve felt his chest ache a little as they made eye contact.
“Do you really?” He asked Steve quietly. “Don’t just say that to make me feel better.”
“I mean it,” Steve said, and he realized he did. “I don’t like you just because you’re a boy Soda, you know this. I don’t hate it, you and Pony’s whole deal,” He explained, rubbing his forehead as he spoke. “I wouldn’t be that upset by such a dumb thing, you know that Soda, christ don’t be stupid. I just don’t understand it. But I want to for you. Cause I guess you’se really are my little boyfriend-girlfriend…person. You’re my fucking person, Sodapop, you know that.”
Soda’s eyes got real wet again when Steve said that, and he pressed his face to Steve’s, who just held him again, wrapping his arms around him tighter.
“Just tell me what feels right.” Steve murmured into Soda’s skin. “You don’t gotta now, just tell me what to do, and I promise I won’t ever hate you, or think you’se weird and dumb. I just really can’t stand your stupid fucking little brother.”
Soda laughed, and kissed Steve hard. Steve wiped Soda’s eyes, and kissed him back. On the lips, jaw, and neck.
When Ponyboy came out, he became a boy completely. Never wore any of his old clothes, never did anything the girls did again, he was an entirely different person than he had been. Steve kind of expected that of Soda. He thought Soda was really going to be his girl now. He was pretty okay with that, he thought, since he liked Soda so damn much. Soda could change anything about himself and Steve was pretty sure he’d still love it. Plus, Steve couldn’t lie that the idea of Soda with boobs was kind of awesome.
But Soda wasn’t Ponyboy (much to Steve’s delight).
Soda grew his hair out a little longer, but still came into the DX everyday in his work shirt and hat. He still smiled and waved at the old people who thanked him for being such ‘a polite young man’, and he still pushed Darry around playfully when he called him his kid brother.
But.
Sometimes, Soda would put on some eye makeup for Steve when they went out.
Sometimes, Pony would call Soda his sister.
Sometimes, Two-Bit would help Sodapop steal a nice dress none of them could ever afford, so that Steve could drive him around in it on nice nights.
It was different. It was new. And it was a little weird sometimes, but Steve wasn’t bothered by any of it in the slightest. The smiles and the looks Soda gave him, one night when he said ‘she’ when referring to Soda once, well shit. How could he ever refuse such a pretty girl something so small?
Soda was Steve's girl. But Soda was also Steve's boy. Steve was still just as pathetic for him as before, Dally still thought it was cool, and Two-Bit still raised one of his eyebrows.
And Soda in a bra got Steve going way more than he ever imagined it would.