Chapter Text
It was the day of Barry and Iris's wedding. Everyone is going well according to plan, and the room was filled with happiness. Caitlin took a sip of her champagne- then coughed.
"Not your cup of tea, I take it?"
Caitlin looked towards the source. Barry was making his way to her, looking dashing in a crisp, ironed tuxedo with a dark grey bowtie to match.
"Well, if it isn't the groom himself." Caitlin grinned. "How does being newly married feel like?"
Barry blew out a breath. "Externally? Happy. But I'm freaking out in the inside."
Caitlin laughed. "Dude, you faced worse. You got your back broken by evil incarnate and recovered from it. You ran through a black hole, for God's sake."
"Compared to marriage, I think those two will be simpler." The speedster muttered, making Caitlin laugh again. She thought of joking about it, but held her tongue. As close as they are, Caitlin didn't want to sever that bond. Then it was time for the newlyweds to dance. The lights dimmed, a spotlight focusing on Barry and Iris. She tried to be happy for them, she really did. But as she watched the two, slowly swaying to the soft, tantalizing music, a small part of her kept imagining that it was her instead of Iris. She wished that she was the one who was dancing with Barry, to be the one being held by him, to be the at the receiving end of that love-filled gaze of his emerald eyes. As if he sensed her thoughts, Barry looked at her direction for a brief moment. Caitlin ducked her head, avoiding his piercing green eyes that seem to burn through her skin. Finally Caitlin had enough. Silently she pushed her way through the crowd, wanting nothing but to leave. Little did she know that from where he was standing in the middle of the floor, Barry was thinking the exact same thing.
Barry loved Iris, he knew that. That's why she married her, after all. To spend the rest of his years with her. But no matter how hard he tried to convince himself, he keep feeling this... emptiness, inside of him. He never felt complete with Iris. He felt like he was forced to be somebody else when he's around her, so much that even he believed that that fake feeling is the truth. But not with Caitlin. With the bioengineer, he felt like he can be himself, the bright, simultaneously-mature-and-immature, part of him. With her, he felt safe. She felt like home. He saw her leave the room, and he was tempted to follow her, to just drop everything and comfort her. But he stuck through the dance, shoving down the impulse.
Caitlin looked at herself in the mirror. She was a mess. Face pale, cold, clammy skin, eyes that shone with tears that threatened to spill any moment. I guess the universe has a sadistic streak every now and then.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Caitlin whispered. "I love him. I love him with all my heart, more than anything in this world. Why are you putting me through this hell?" Finally she couldn't contain it anymore. She slowly sank to the bathroom floor, burying her face on her hands as she let the tears flow. Her sobs echoed all around the bathroom. Someone opened the door.
"Caitlin?"
She looked up. It was Kara. The Kryptonian immediately came to her aid, helping her up.
"Hey, why are you crying?" Kara asked gently as she held her friend. Just then it clicked.
"You love him."
Caitlin looked at the other woman through tear-blurred eyes. "How did you know?"
"I've seen the way you look at him. The longing, the regret. The wanting." Kara said quietly. Caitlin hung her head in shame.
"I messed up." Caitlin said. "I should have told him how I felt."
Kara nodded. "Yeah. Life's cruel that way, I suppose. Making you believe that something is true, that it fits you, when it doesn't at all. And you only realize that when it's too late."
Caitlin hummed in assent.