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Bradley had been at Camp New Grace for a while- long enough to get numb to the suicides, the new, crying members, the late, lonely nights. About a year, give or take. The counselors didn’t give out how long it had been since you arrived, claiming it would distract from your transformation.
Bradley was just praying for the camp to actually work- to stop having sinful thoughts, to stop disappointing his parents, his God.
Every roommate he had- or ‘accountabilibuddy’, as the camp called them- always came upset in some way, shape, or form. Crying, angry, numb- he’d seen it all. He’d seen kids go through the program and be released, he’d seen kids go missing in the night, and he’d seen kids… leave in other ways.
Safe to say, there was no kid he hadn’t seen arrive at this sorry excuse of a camp. Or, there wasn’t. When Butters Stotch was introduced to him, he was proud, cheerful, and confident.
The kid had offered a hand, a cheery greeting breaking the nervous air Bradley was sure he was giving off. “My name is Butters- well, it’s Leopold Stotch, but my friends call me Butters! I like Hello Kitty, and I’m bi-curious!”
The counselors had scolded him, corrected him. “No, Butters, you’re confused. That’s why you’re here! You’re confused and so is Bradley so we are working on making you not confused!”
The same speech every time.
“Okay!”
A different response- one unbothered by the strict correction.
“I’m Bradley- Nice to meet you.”
Bradley didn’t expect Butters to last long. Sure, he had started out strong- happy, even, but eventually, the camp would fix him. They always did. Bradley was worried he was unfixable- after all, he’d been here longer than any other kid. Was he ever going to be saved, to be corrected, be fixed?
However, as the days stretched into weeks, Butters kept his chipper attitude, and Bradley admired him for that. Butters was sweet, kind, and, admittedly, cute.
No. No, no no. This was the exact thinking the camp was supposed to be getting rid of! “Bad thoughts- Bad thoughts.” Bradley mumbled to himself. Normally, that would help. The other boy would leave him alone, he’d get to distract himself until it went away.
Butters wasn’t normal. “Are you okay, Bradley?” He put a hand on Bradley’s shoulder. And oh Lord, how could he look into the blonde’s eyes with such concern, such utter care filling them, and tell him he wasn’t?
Bradley let out a little breath. “Mhm. Just- Just had bad thoughts.” “Well, you can always talk to me about ‘em!” “..Okay.”
And so, late one night, Bradley spoke aloud. It was against the strict rules of the camp, but Bradley spoke for Butters to hear.
“Butters? Are you awake?”
“Yup! What is it?”
“..Can I ask you something?”
“Go right on ahead!”
“Is…is what they’re doing here working for you? Do you..not like boys anymore?”
“Well… I wouldn’t say it’s workin’ or nothin. I haven’t changed! I’m still good ol’ Butters.”
A smile and a blush spread across Bradley’s face.
“..Butters, I’m a sinner. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop these sinful thoughts.”
“Well… maybe if you share ‘em, they won’t be in your head no more! That’s what my pastor always told me.”
“...Okay.”
And with a deep breath, Bradley spoke.
“Butters I..I like you. I like you. And I know it’s wrong and we’re both boys-”
“There ain’t nothin’ wrong with it! I like you too!”
“No- No, I like like you.”
“Well, I like like you!” Butters laughed a little.
Bradley’s heart sank and soared- he was truly unfixable, and had poisoned Butter’s own chances.
“You do?! ” Bradley prayed, almost begging for Butters to re-think it. Bradley wasn’t worth not being saved over- not being fixed over.
“Mhm!”
“Oh God- Oh No! Butters-” Bradley sat up, looking down from the top bunk. “Butters, we’re unfixable.” Bradley climbed down using the built in ladder, and through his own panicked expression, in the dark, he made out Butters' confused and concerned face.
He had seen thousands of kids before him do it. The only reason he hadn’t was he had been holding out hope- that this stupid camp would fix him, that God would answer his desperate prayers.
“Butters, we need to kill ourselves.”
With that, Bradley opened the door. He heard Butters calling his name, but he continued on. He heard an alarm ring out- and doors open. His name was being called, demands to stop, wait-
but he mustn't wait to cleanse the world of this sin.
There he stood. On the bridge. One hand clutched onto the rail, his feet mere inches away from air. The other hand had his thumbnail in his mouth, a dirty habit. One he sought comfort in, which he graced himself with these last moments on this existence.
He didn’t listen to the demands and threats and pleas of the counselors- the entire camp was gathered. Most suicides weren’t this public at this camp. They never had gathered a crowd.
Bradley took one foot off the bridge, testing the space in front of him.
Butter's spoke- he cried out. “Bradley, stop! I’m your accountabilibuddy, how will this look for me!” Bradley paused.
“Stop it, little boy, you’re just as confused as he is!” An older counselor- Bradley recognized the voice. Mr. Mason. The older counselor had scolded Butters, and Bradley looked over.
Butters, the kind, sweet boy, who didn't even break after hours of copying scripture- snapped at that. “No! I’m sick an’- an’ tired of everyon’ tellin’ me I’m confused! I wasn’t confused until everyone told me I was!”
That… That rang true for Bradley. He never thought that liking boys was an issue. It was as natural to him as eating worms was to a bird. Until his family, his church, his friends, his town turned on him and opened his eyes to his sin.
“My name is Leopold ‘Butters’ Stotch, I’m 11 years old, I’m blood type O, and I’m bi-curious! An’- and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with any of that! Cause- Cause if God made me in his image, then I figure God must be a bit bi-curious himself!”
It sank in for Bradley. He brought his foot back from the air- he was so high up. He wanted to live- live this sinful life, with his sinful thoughts of holding hands with Butters, with being happy and being gay.
“I think… I think I want to come down now.”
It was an entire celebration- for the first couple minutes. Butters had hugged Bradley and cried, and Bradley cried a bit too. It had been years since he last cried.
The day continued on- a counselor right by the pairs side the entire time.
Up until the night came again, and they were sent off to bed. Bradley climbed into his top bunk, and Butters into the bottom.
“..You scared me a whole bunch, Bradley.”
“...Sorry.”
“I’m glad you’re alright- I’m always gonna be here for you! Don’t… don’t feel that way and not tell someone. There’s nothing wrong with you no matter what anyon’ says.”
“...Same goes for you, Butters. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Bradley!”
Bradley got a few hours of sleep before he was awoken by a counselor- Counselor Harris. Harris told him to pack his things, and that he’d be right outside.
Bradley’s heart sank, but he climbed down, careful not to wake the other sleeping boy. He crept around the room, gathering his scar belongings into his knapsack.
He was all set- until Butters bearily sat up. Rubbing his eyes and yawning, he peered at Bradley. “Bradley? Where- What are you doin?”
“..Nothing Butters. Go back to sleep.”
“....Okay…Goodnight, Bradley. I’ll see you in the morning!” With that, Butters lay back down. Bradley gave a sad smile. “See you, Butters. Thanks- Thanks for everything. Bye.”
And he left the room. Counselor Harris led him out, to his parents. It was a blur, the hour long car ride, filled with scolding the first 15 minutes, then silence, and quietly, radio music and conversation between his parents.
Bradley was finally gone from Camp New Grace