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He’d been back on Earth for almost two months before he finally approached Clint. Initially, the spy had been away on some clandestine SHIELD-related clean-up missions for a few weeks. After that, though, Thor simply couldn’t decide on the best way to bring up the subject.
He’d already made apologies to the other members of the team, and they’d been generally well received, but Clint had been the one most grievously harmed by Loki’s actions. The apology to him must by necessity be the best one and he was struggling with it. He’d asked Natasha for advice, but she hadn’t had much to give. She’d merely told him to be genuine in his apology and assured him that Clint had a forgiving nature and was not the type to hold a grudge.
But he knew he couldn’t avoid it forever, and when he came in the kitchen one morning and saw Clint leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee he knew he had to face the man. He squared his shoulders and walked over, mentally running through his most recent version of the apology he knew had to be delivered.
He stumbled through the message more than he would have liked, but the main points were conveyed as intended: apology for Loki’s actions, sorrow for what Clint specifically had gone through, and a subtle undertone of hope that his brother’s actions would not impede their future work together.
It was not as eloquent as it should have been, but at the very least it was heartfelt.
Clint took a moment to finish his remaining coffee before responding, eyeing him with a sharp gaze that gave Thor a sudden, fervent understanding of how the man had earned his moniker.
“You been to Central Park yet?”
He shook his head, confused and more than a little anxious at the non sequitur.
“C’mon. Let’s take a walk.”
Thor glanced around briefly at the others in the room, to gauge how worried he should be about the situation. Natasha remained focused on her book, refusing to get involved. Steve and Bruce both looked mildly confused, while Tony simply shrugged.
Unhelpful reactions that did nothing to soothe his nerves. But if Clint wouldn’t accept his apology outright, maybe there was something else he could do to smooth things over. Clint clearly wanted to speak to him alone without anyone else around to hear, though, and that didn’t exactly bode well.
They walked together in a silence that might have been companionable, had they not been preoccupied with their individual thoughts.
“I have a brother, too,” Clint said, soft and sudden.
He’d waited to speak until they were quite a ways into the park, on a secluded and forested path that reinforced the suspicion that he wanted this conversation to be as private as possible. Thor had been growing more and more worried as they walked, but the unexpected information and its abrupt delivery pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts.
“I had no idea,” he replied uneasily.
“Yeah, well. I don’t usually talk about him. It’s a… complicated relationship.” Clint stuck his hands in his pockets and looked up through the trees. Thor kept quiet this time, not quite sure where this conversation was headed.
“Barney’s the only one who ever looked out for me, really. Didn’t always make good decisions, but he was just a kid himself, doing as best he could. Never hesitated to step between me and a hit, got himself a lot of bruises and broken bones for his troubles,” he continued.
“We’d fight sometimes. I mean we’re brothers, that’s what happens. But if my back was against the wall, I knew he’d be right there with me, no matter what. Us against the world.”
Clint’s mouth quirked in a small half-smile and Thor couldn’t help smiling with him, remembering the way he and Loki had been similar when they were younger.
The smiles disappeared as Clint took a deep breath.
“When I was 16, he shot me twice and left me for dead.” He shrugged, a sort of “what can you do” attitude entirely at odds with the horror abruptly threatening to overwhelm Thor.
“Didn’t see him again for a long time after that. And we’re not always on the same side of things when we do meet. But if he came to me tomorrow, I’d have his back.”
Thor slowed his pace as he grappled with the information. He couldn’t imagine hurting Loki intentionally. Couldn’t imagine what would have to happen to make him pull the trigger on a weapon aimed at his brother. Couldn’t imagine… but Loki had, hadn’t he? Not directly, not a blade to the flesh. But he’d sent the Destroyer. He’d dropped Thor out of the helicarrier.
And it mattered that he’d done those things, of course it did. He was in a cell right now. But it didn’t matter to Thor. Not in the grand scheme of things. Loki was his brother, regardless of blood or birth. He’d asked him to give up his madness and come home, had begged, really, on that windswept mountain, and he’d been rejected. But if he ever changed his mind, if he wanted to come home. Thor would welcome him with open arms.
The trees thinned out, and he could see the end of the path they’d been following, the grass opening up to a large field dotted with people enjoying the sunny day. Clint stopped walking and looked Thor directly in the eyes.
“I would never ask you”, he said gently, “to disown your family. I would never want you to stop loving someone on my behalf. Your apology is appreciated. But it’s not necessary. Not the things you said, not the things you left unsaid. Not to me. He’s your brother. I get it.”
Thor nodded, a tangle of relief and shame and a thousand other nameless emotions threatening to drown him.
It was comforting, to know he had a friend, to know someone else understood. And he made a silent determination to pay back that comfort, should Clint ever have need of it himself.
if I was dying on my knees
you would be the one to rescue me
and if you were drowned at sea
I’d give you my lungs so you could breathe
Clint was hurt again.
This happened more frequently than perhaps it should, as Clint tended toward a hero’s view that a few wounds were worth it to save others. It was a noble outlook that Thor agreed with, though he wished the other man would let the sturdier members of their team take the hits more often, so he would not acquire so many serious injuries.
Clint’s current predicament was not in fact due to any mission of their team, rather some unexplained conflict had apparently taken place at his alternative residence.
The fact that he even had an alternative residence seemed to be of particular consternation to Tony, who had muttered dark threats before pointing out that this was why he wanted them all in the tower where there was much better security.
The rest of the team was focused on the man who had dragged Clint in for medical attention. As his injuries were less severe and Clint was still unconscious, he was their only immediate source of information for what had happened.
He was so far extremely reticent about that information, however, instead gracing them with a truly stubborn performance that left Thor at least with no questions as to his identity.
“Look, we just want to know what happened to Clint,” Steve said, his patience wearing thin.
“He got hurt,” the man replied, eyes hard and arms crossed. “I ain’t gonna get into his business with you, if he wants you to know then he can tell you when he wakes up.”
“Alright, well, let’s get into your business instead. Maybe let’s start with your name?” Tony asked pointedly just as Natasha entered the room.
“Barney Barton,” Natasha answered for him, venom in her voice.
He did not contradict her, choosing instead to remain silent.
“Barney Barton,” Steve repeated slowly. “And, you’re what, Clint’s brother?” he asked, scanning the man’s face and clearly finding the same similarities Thor had earlier.
“Yeah,” Barney replied reluctantly. “I’m Clint’s brother.”
“I didn’t realize Clint had a brother…” Bruce said, quietly echoing Steve’s confusion.
“Because he’s an asshole and Clint’s better off without him,” Natasha said quickly.
“Better off without me? Without me he’d be dead,” Barney spat back, temper flaring quick as a struck match. “Who the hell are you to judge me when you clearly don’t know shit about what I’ve done for him.”
“I know you shot him.”
“So did you,” he countered quickly, ignoring the shock from the rest of the room. “But when he needs your help, you’ve got his back. And when he needs my help, I’ve got his back. Always.”
He could see Natasha gearing up to fight back, and he knew her rage came from a good place, from genuine love and worry for Clint. But she wasn’t in the right this time.
“Natasha,” she flicked her eyes in his direction, anger unabated. “If Clint doesn’t want him here he can tell us that himself. If he does… how would he feel to wake up and find out we sent his brother away? It is not up to us to take that choice away from him.”
He watched her deflate, ever so slightly. She gave a cool shrug and finally sat down. Whether it was her acquiescence or his words he didn’t know, but the rest of the group seemed to calm down from their secondhand anger on Clint’s behalf.
Thor moved to sit near Barney, an attempt to support his friend’s older brother and as well as a signal to reinforce that he wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon.
It was an uncomfortable wait. Natasha and Barney were locked into a frosty detente while Steve and Tony each kept an unsubtle watch on Barney’s actions. Bruce simply looked like he’d rather fade into the walls than stay in this room any longer but he stuck it out, for Clint.
The tension did not break with the doctor’s entrance, but it did diminish somewhat. It is exactly what all of them in that room were anxiously awaiting, after all.
“I have good news and bad news,” she started solemnly. “The good news is Mr. Barton is awake and should recover from most of his injuries with no lingering problems.”
“And the bad news?” Steve asked for them all.
She hesitated and Thor braced himself for the worst. He could see several of the others doing the same, but Barney and Natasha tensed instead, ready for action. He wondered briefly if they would realize, later, how similar their feelings were for Clint.
“He has profound hearing loss in both ears,” the doctor said bluntly. “At this point we are unable to tell if he will recover his hearing or not, and will have to reassess once his injuries have healed more. But it is likely the hearing loss will remain at least moderate, if not severe.”
“So… he’s deaf?” Steve asked.
“Hard of hearing,” Barney corrected in a distracted voice. “But he’s okay otherwise?”
“He’s okay otherwise,” she confirmed. “If a few of you would like to see him, you may. But it will be hard to communicate with him and he needs rest in order to recover.”
Natasha and Barney both stood up immediately as the doctor left, and the tension ratcheted right back up. This was neither the time nor the place for another battle of wills.
“The three of us will see him now,” Thor declared, standing up and projecting as much authority as he thought would help. He didn’t often do that on this team, enjoying the novelty of being a follower instead of the leader. But he would draw on it now to keep the peace.
No objections were raised so they walked down the hallway, Barney granting Natasha a half-step’s lead while Thor trailed behind. Natasha entered the room first, hesitating briefly at the sight of Clint so heavily bandaged, before moving to the side to let the two men in.
Thor had trusted the doctor’s words, of course he had, but he could not help letting out a quick sigh of relief that Clint truly was awake and alert. Injured, but on the way to recovery. He settled against the back wall to watch.
Clint gave a weary thumbs up to Natasha, who smiled back but seemed unsure on how best to continue communication with him.
Barney had no such hesitation. Thor watched along with Natasha, intrigued as Barney sketched out a series of hand gestures towards his brother who responded in kind, albeit more slowly.
“You know sign language?” Natasha asked, surprised and at least slightly impressed, if Thor was interpreting her tone correctly.
“Yeah,” Barney replied brusquely.
Thor assumed he would ignore them and go back to his conversation with Clint but… “He lost his hearing when we were kids. It got better after a while, but I kept up with sign anyway.”
He paused before asking, “is there anything you want me to say to him for you?”
An olive branch, one that Natasha accepted with the awkward grace appropriate to the situation. The words and signs flurried back and forth and Thor smiled to himself, unnoticed.
Ah, the compromises we make for the people we love.