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Renjun has never been good at this. At talking. At working things out. But sometimes, people are just worth the pain and the awkward atmosphere.
Summer looks good on Jisung. The slight freckles adoring his cheeks, the deeper tan of his skin from the time spent in the sun. The younger man hasn’t seen where Renjun is sitting yet, but Renjun can see the tensity in his shoulders.
He hasn’t seen Jisung in nearly 6 months. Not since the day Renjun broke it off with him. He’s honestly surprised that Jisung had even agreed to meet up with him, with the way things had ended. Renjun chews on his thumbnail anxiously, his mind flitting back to that December.
–
December
“Hyung? Are you here? I know we promised 7, but the light was out so I wasn’t sure…” Jisung’s voice trails off as he sees the bottle on the coffee table, cautiously making his way over to the couch. Renjun’s face is buried in his hands, not looking at the younger boy.
Jisung frowns, setting the bouquet of roses on the table before coming over to Renjun’s side, gently taking the glass out of his hand. Renjun’s head pops up, his bloodshot eyes boring into Jisung’s soul.
“Hyung, what’s wrong..? Did your dad call…? Did… that person call? You’re never usually this upset, and we had..a date.” Renjun watches the way that Jisung’s words get caught in his throat. He’s sure that he looks horrible, that he looks like the shittiest boyfriend ever for getting pissed drunk when he was supposed to be waiting for Jisung. But he is. The shittest boyfriend ever, that is.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” Jisung says, a slight edge in his tone. The younger boy isn’t one to get snippy usually, but Renjun knows he’s been cold recently. He can’t help it. Jisung is warm, he is the sun, the brightest of rays, and Renjun’s dead heart doesn’t deserve that warmth.
“I can’t do this, Jisung.” Renjun says, a wobble in his voice. The younger boy’s eyes widen, and he scoots back a bit to get a look at Renjun.
“What are you talking about?” There is a squeak in his voice, a break of emotion. Jisung has always been an open book to Renjun, someone who he can always tell what they are feeling or thinking. It’s one of the reasons he loved Jisung. Loves. Jisung.
“You deserve better than this. Than me. You’re… kind. Jisung. You deserve something better than a boyfriend who breaks down at the most minute things. You deserve better than someone broken and hurt. We shouldn’t do this anymore.” Renjun spits out, a fire in his eyes. Jisung looks taken aback at the statement, his brown eyes glimmering.
“I’ve never held that against you! I know what you’ve been through. I’m trying to be the best boyfriend ever, because you told me what happened! But that’s it? You’re just done?” Renjun buries his face in his hands again. Maybe he shouldn’t have drank so much. But he had seen a news article about his ex boyfriend, and everything had come crashing down.
“It’s not even been 6 months, Jisung. This wasn’t ever as serious as you seem to have thought it was, obviously. I need you to leave, Jisung. This is done. We are done. I can’t do this anymore.”
–
“I’m honestly surprised that you’re here.” Renjun says as Jisung comes up to his table, balancing a coffee and a muffin. The younger boy has matured a lot, and it’s evident in his face. Jisung blinks at him, setting down his food before sliding into the booth opposite Renjun.
“Why’s that?” He asks, tearing off a piece of the muffin and stuffing it into his mouth. Renjun can’t help the smile that threatens to turn up his lips. Jisung’s always been like a kid to Renjun, even at 21.
“Because the last time I saw you… well we both know how that went.” Jisung frowns slightly, his eyebrows furrowing. He shakes his head, chewing thoughtfully on his muffin.
“Well, that happened, sure. But I don’t hate you or anything. We just… didn’t work out, I guess. There’s nothing I could have really done about it, so what’s the use in getting upset about it and holding a grudge?” Renjun just stares at Jisung, his eyes wide.
“You don’t… hate me?” Jisung shakes his head again, blinking his large eyes. He looks so innocent, so untainted by the world, the complete opposite of Renjun. Maybe that was what broke them apart…
“Hyung…” Jisung sighs, setting his muffin down to look at Renjun sternly. “I remember that September. When you broke down and told me everything. It wasn’t like I didn’t know what I was getting into. Yeah, the breakup was sudden and caught me off guard, but I knew who you were and what you had been through. I don’t hate you, seriously.”
Renjun has to blink back tears at this point, caught off guard by Jisung’s honesty. The younger boy has always been like that, treating the world like he’s in his first life, so pure and full of naivete.
“I’m sorry. For that night. I don’t… I can’t even begin to explain what happened, Jisung. I felt… so trapped. Trapped in my own head about us and everything. And I was so awful to you. You just… you didn’t deserve any of that. And I’m sorry.” Jisung smiles warmly at Renjun, resting his cheek on his hand.
“If you ever want to talk about it, you know that I am always willing to listen.” Renjun eyes him warily.
“Even after what I did to you? I didn’t even call on your birthday, for fucks sake. 21… it’s such a fun time. Well, supposed to be fun…” Renjun mumbles the last part, and he can see that Jisung heard it but pretends to not.
“It’s fine, hyung. We weren’t speaking then. I’m just glad that we get to talk again. I really missed you. I still wanted, still WANT, to be friends with you. I loved being your friend even before I was your boyfriend.” Renjun picks at his nails, slightly embarrassed.
“I.. missed being your friend too. Your mom was always so nice to me, too. Your whole family… they just accepted me like it was nothing. I missed that.” Jisung laughs softly.
“Well, I know that my mom would always welcome you back in to eat all of her cookies, just like you always did. She’d probably even make a batch as a late birthday present.” Renjun can feel the tears welling up in his eyes at the sentiment.
“I’m glad that I swallowed my pride and called you up again. I thought that you would have put a chain on your door or something and locked me out forever. But I guess it was my insecurity talking, not the rational part of my brain.” Jisung chuckles, his nose scrunching in the way that Renjun always loved.
“Your brain does that a lot. But I’m glad too. I really missed you, hyung.” Jisung reaches out to pat Renjun’s hand, and Renjun feels a jolt of electricity shoot up his arm. Just like old times. “Now, we have a lot of catching up to do, don’t we? Tell me about how art school has been going!”
Falling in love with Jisung all over again has never been so easy.