Chapter Text
The thing is, Jackie doesn’t know she’s dead until Shauna comes flying down the stairs.
She’s been sitting by the fire all night, at least ever since they welcomed her back in. She hasn’t felt tired at all so she hasn’t slept, content instead to watch the flames flicker back and forth.
Jackie’s brought out from her musings by the sound of Shauna’s feet slamming against the wood, her breath coming fast and hard as she opens the door. She stands there, motionless, for a few long seconds. At the same time someone mutters “Oh my God, it snowed?” Jackie calls Shauna’s name.
It doesn’t seem as though she heard, because when Shauna says her name she’s still looking outside. Jackie stands and follows her along with several of the other girls, stomach dropping when she hears Shauna’s pained no no no no no.
When she sees Shauna on her knees, frantically dusting off a frozen lump on the ground.
Something’s wrong.
Jackie feels frozen, suddenly. Not just stock still, but actually frozen, to her core. Tai is the first to move any farther, grabbing onto Shauna from behind as Shauna begs Jackie to wake up.
“I’m right here,” Jackie says, but no one looks at her. She forces her voice louder, calls Shauna’s name again, but no one looks. Shauna just wails, loud, and Jackie’s frozen body melts enough for her to move forward - to see her own face in the snow.
Dread slams into Jackie’s chest like a sledgehammer as it fully sinks in.
There’s no hot chocolate in the wilderness.
No one came out for her, no one cared enough to.
Jackie’s grief for herself feels all consuming, at least until she looks up from her own body to see Shauna. It’s like tuning back into a radio station, the way sound suddenly comes back to Jackie’s world.
Shauna’s hands are gripping Jackie’s clothes as she shakes her, begging her to wake up. Her sharp pleas cut into the freezing air, and Jackie feels like she’s actually dying when Shauna lets out a broken “No!”
She falls to her knees beside Shauna, grabs her shoulder in her desperation to ease Shauna’s pain, but her touch doesn’t register. “It’s okay, Shauna,” she says, searching for a sign that her words are being heard, but no one reacts.
Shauna just wails, and Jackie feels stupid for ever believing they hated each other. They were both just so stupid. Why had Jackie stayed the night out here? What did any of what they were arguing about matter? It didn’t. And now Jackie was dead and Shauna was paying the price.
Taissa manages to pull Shauna away from Jackie’s body, and she feels guilty for feeling like she just got a little bit colder. Shauna won’t gain anything from Jackie’s body now. Tai is right to pull her away.
“Don’t leave me,” Jackie begs anyway, knowing she can’t hear her. “Shauna, don’t go.” She can't help herself, her selfishness with Shauna feels innate. She can't imagine not wanting Shauna, can't believe that not even twenty four hours ago they were fighting.
Suddenly, Jackie feels a prickle on the back of her neck. She looks up to meet Lottie’s eyes. Lottie, who is staring right at her, too exact to be chance.
And Jackie's never believed in her supernatural stuff, not really, but she wants to believe it's real now. Maybe Lottie can pass a message on to Shauna, tell her that Jackie's sorry for everything. That she didn't mean what she said in the house, that any anger she feels towards Shauna is massively outweighed by her love for her.
But Jackie’s focus is quickly dragged away from Lottie by the terrible noises Shauna starts making as she dissolves from words into animalistic whining. It sounds like she’s been stabbed, or shot, the way the cries are spilling from her lips.
“Shauna!” Jackie screams, at the same time Shauna manages a broken “Jackie!”
Taissa just holds her tighter, but it doesn’t work. Shauna claws at her arms until Taissa lets go and she goes right back to shaking Jackie. At the contact, Jackie feels steadier. She hates herself for that.
“Please,” Shauna begs, “No, no, no, no, no!”
Misty descends the stairs next, looking shaken. Her hand moves down towards Jackie and she puts her fingers on Jackie’s neck. Agonizing seconds go by before Misty pulls her hand away, a grimace on her face. “Shauna, she’s-”
“She’s okay!” Shauna belts over Misty’s voice. “She doesn’t need you, she’s okay!”
“You’re right, she just needs you,” Lottie says distantly, her voice carrying out over the frozen landscape like a gunshot. Shauna falls just as silent as everyone else has been. “Jackie needs you, Shauna.”
This breaks Shauna out of her haze, the grief clouding her face disappearing into a focused determination. “To do what?” She demands, hands still holding onto Jackie. Keeping her here. She doesn't pull her eyes away from Jackie’s body.
“It will depend.” Lottie’s eyes find Jackie’s again. “Can you hear me?” Jackie nods. The girls are looking in her direction now, although not with the same accuracy as Lottie. She knows they can’t see her. Not like Lottie can.
“This is bullshit, Lottie, stop it!” Natalie bites, but Lottie ignores her, stepping forward.
“Can you go inside the house?” Lottie questions. Jackie nods again. She’d walk towards it to prove a point, but she’s loath to stand and leave Shauna.
“Can you go there now?” Lottie asks. Jackie forces herself up, but finds she can’t take more than a few steps.
“No,” she says, the first word since Shauna’s name to leave her lips. “But I did before.”
“When Shauna was there?” Jackie nods.
Lottie kneels down in the snow and Jackie follows easily, pressing close to Shauna’s side. Shauna, who won’t stop staring at Jackie in the snow, won’t let go of her.
“Shauna,” Lottie says softly. “Jackie is tied to you. She needs you to hear her. Hold onto her hands.”
Shauna lets go of her jacket and moves to do so, but Lottie stops her. “No. Hold them out. Jackie isn't in there right now.”
Shauna does that, palms up. “Lottie, this is fucked up,” Natalie insists, voice strong. “Stop it.”
Taissa joins in. “Shauna, I’m so sorry, but Jackie is gone. She’s dead.”
“Shut up,” Shauna mutters, voice flat. Her hands are out and they’re visibly shaking. “Shut the fuck up.”
“We might as well try!” Misty says with false cheer, which makes Natalie turn on her.
“And what, give her false hope? No, this needs to stop.” Natalie glares at Lottie. “Just because you’re fucking crazy doesn’t mean you need to pass it onto everybody.”
As if deaf, Lottie ignores them all. “Now Jackie, put your hands in Shauna’s.” Jackie does, and finally she’s done something right, because Shauna’s hands move under hers, wrapping around her hands.
Shauna looks shocked, finally looking away from Jackie’s body and up to where Jackie actually is, though she clearly can’t see her. “I think I feel her,” she whispers. “Please, Jackie, please, wake up.”
“I’m trying,” Jackie promises, and this time the reaction is different. Shauna’s mouth falls open in disbelief, and Van curses in the background. Jackie can’t look at any member of their little audience, though. She’s focused on Shauna.
“Jackie?” Shauna’s voice is fragile, so weak. She can’t see Jackie, but she can hear her, and god dammit she is going to keep hearing her. Jackie will see to it.
“It’s me, Shauna,” Jackie says softly. “I’m here.” Shauna’s grip tightens on her hands, bruising, but Jackie doesn’t care. She keeps talking. “It’s okay, I’m here.”
“How do I get you back?” Shauna asks Jackie tearfully. She looks wrecked, and Jackie wants nothing more than to ease her pain. “Please, I’ll do anything, I’m so sorry.”
“I think you have to trade your life for hers,” Lottie says thoughtfully, as if it’s nothing. Jackie’s stomach drops again at Shauna’s immediate response.
“Okay.”
“No!” Jackie insists, going to pull away, but Shauna holds on. “No, Shauna, stop.”
“I was right, you know.” Shauna says softly. “Not about a lot of that stuff, but about everyone missing you. You need to get back home.”
“It wouldn’t be home with you, don’t you get it?” Jackie half screams, afraid of what Shauna’s words could mean. “I can’t do this without you.”
“I can’t do it without you either,” Shauna confesses. “But you’ve always been stronger than me. You’ll make it through.”
“No, Shauna,” Jackie begs, “this was my fault, okay? It’s me who’s supposed to die.”
Shauna’s face twists as she grips Jackie’s hands even tighter. “I’m the one who told you to go out here. You’re hurt because of me.”
“I’m dead, Shauna,” Jackie says plainly. “I’m dead, and it’s too late for me.”
“It’s not,” Shauna says, her damn stubbornness shining through. “Lottie, what should I do?”
Lottie tilts her head, regarding them. “Do you love her?”
“Yes,” Shauna says immediately.
“Not you. You.”
“Of course I do,” Jackie says.
“Then let that bring you back instead.”
The silence only stays for a few seconds before everyone is talking. Mostly in curse words.
“That vague ass shit isn’t helping, Lottie!” Natalie says, but she’s wrong.
Jackie knows.
She knows when she looks at Shauna’s face, here in the middle of nowhere, her big beautiful brown eyes and full lips and long hair. She knows how much she loves Shauna. Her smile and laugh and the way she doesn’t let anyone know how much she enjoys Wheezer. How she lets Jackie know. She loves her as a friend and as family and as everything. She's in love with Shauna, and it doesn't come as a surprise. It feels inevitable, and something settles in Jackie's chest.
“Let me go,” Jackie says, finally feeling calm. Predictably, Shauna shakes her head.
“No, no, no,” she pleads. “Jackie, just wake up.”
“I’m going to,” because it’s a certainty now. “I will. I promise. I just need one of my hands free, okay?”
Shauna reluctantly lets one go, immediately moving to Jackie’s other hand and gripping it tightly. Jackie reaches down towards her body. There’s a slight pull, and Jackie takes one last look at Shauna’s face. “I love you, Shauna,” she confesses, feeling heavier than before.
“I love you,” Shauna responds, and it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t mean it in the way Jackie does. She loves her, and it’s enough.
Jackie lets the pull take her away.