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Sometimes, every once in a while, Bronya sleeps. Be it on her own volition, or much more likely, passing out from exhaustion - sometimes the supreme guardian sleeps. Sometimes, even more uncommonly, she dreams. On the nights that are always so short yet so painfully long, Bronya dreams of cold, red fury and blood. She dreams of screams, so loud it makes her ears ache - sometimes they’re her own, sometimes they’re her mothers, and sometimes there are so many of them she isn’t sure who they belong to.
She dreams of the pain, not always physical, but more often than not it has the young woman clutching some invisible wounds in a futile effort to make the pain disappear. It never does, though, and the worst of the pain comes not from a stray bullet piercing her skin or an ice spike stabbing her through her uniform - it comes from the knowledge that she is mourning a monster.
It’s painful, waking up to the mental image of her mother’s cold, dead gaze staring holes deeper into her than her ice spikes ever reached.
It hurts going to the dining room, wondering if her mother’s last meal had been sufficient.
It hurts, it hurts so much, staring at her work and fighting against herself not to wonder what her mother would have done in her place. Still, Bronya tries, she tries oh so hard to move on, to pretend she isn’t sobbing the death of the tyrant she had once called mother, the same woman who had barely seen her as a daughter.
This fine day, a week before Cocolia’s remembrance day, Bronya wakes up gasping for air. Just like usual, The supreme guardian hasn’t shut eye in almost eight days, yet this time, unlike her usual habit of accidentally forgetting to sleep with how much work she had, Bronya had been outright avoiding going to sleep. Her nightmares were already bad enough as they were, she didn’t need this… event, to torment her further.
It had been a team effort between Pela, Gepard, and Serval to drag her, possibly even drugging her, to bed. They were probably smiling, too proud of themselves for doing what they thought was right, yet neither of them was here to help her calm down when she stirred. Bronya held onto her chest, trying to slow down her heart, had she not been so agitated she would have worried about a possible cardiac arrest. She was far too cold, even more so than she had been when the eternal freeze was at its peak, yet she couldn’t stop sweating, making a mess of her bedsheets.
It hurt to breathe, like the air she had fallen asleep to had somehow changed, becoming so thick, so dense she couldn’t breathe it in anymore, and so she tried harder, harder to the point she’d begun to hyperventilate, and it hurt so much. Worst of all, worse than even the goddamn air abandoning her, worse than the feeling of her heart about to burst, Bronya couldn’t see. Well no, that wasn’t entirely true, the problem was that the real world - her dresser, the posts of her canopy bed, her desk, the door - they’d all disappeared and all she could see were the cold, disappointed amethyst eyes of the woman being commemorated, killed, just a few days from now. They looked just as dead now as they did last year, just as angry too.
Bronya hadn’t been able to look at them for more than a few seconds, Seele had dragged her away when Cocolia started to disintegrate, yet just that one look at them was enough to hunt Bronya for the time to come. Just why, why did it have to hurt so much? Why couldn’t she just leave Bronya alone? Why did she always end up coming back to that moment?
A knock on the door she still couldn’t see stabilized Bronya somewhat. Not too much, not enough to have her breathing go back to normal, or her heart to stop pumping so much blood. Bronya’s voice quivered as she spoke, at first in hoarse whispers that hurt her sore throat more than they should have, then she composed herself enough to speak.
“Y-yes?” Her mother’s voice would not have sounded as weak as Bronya’s did, and it didn’t even in her final moments.
With no respect for her privacy, apparently, the door opened, revealing a shocked Gepard. He looked even more shocked, or rather concerned, once he saw his superior’s disheveled appearance. With a careful step inside her chambers, one that rang too loudly for her ears, he walked towards her - each step more upsetting than the last until he reached the foot of the bed, and Bronya’s tears rushed down her cheeks again.
“Lady Bronya, Is everything alright?”
Well, what a goddamn question that was. Bronya wanted nothing more than to let all her rage go and scream at him until her throat collapsed. Some part of her, however, was still rational enough to understand that Gepard had done nothing wrong, that he was simply doing his job, and didn’t deserve to be punished for her own satisfaction. Bronya nodded, the beginning of a headache that was forming on her neck and scalp threatening to make Bronya scream. Just what was going on? Why was this happening? Why her?
“You do not look very well, Lady Bronya, would you like for me to call a-”
It took a superhuman amount of effort to speak without yelling or crying, but Bronya was nothing if not effective in her wording and speeches.
“Please, go away.”
Perhaps it was the desperation in her voice or the defeated look in her eyes, but Gepard did leave, eventually. She tried hard not to be disappointed in the solitude that ensued, but at least now she had her vision back to aid her limping steps toward her desk. She needed to ease her mind off that nightmare and drowning herself in paperwork, struggling with things she knew her mother would have never struggled with, helped ease that pain somewhat.
It was the least she could do, after unintentionally enabling her mother’s tyranny for so long, to repair what her predecessor had oh so carelessly shattered. More so to the people of the Underworld, who had been suffering alone for far too long, but also to bring warmth to those of the Overworld. The first thing she saw when she sat down at her desk was the speech she’d be giving on Cocolia’s remembrance day. With shaking hands, Bronya picked it up, not quite sure what to do with it as she skimmed through it.
Beloved Supreme Guardian of Belobog
Inspirational Leader
Incredible Woman
Exceptional Mother…
Bronya saw her eyes again and screamed. She hoped Gepard was outside the door, Solemn in his understanding and blocking access to anyone who tried to pry, that way they wouldn’t have to see her cry.
Sometimes Bronya wondered what it was like to be loved. She’d never felt unloved, per se, she knew people around Belobog liked her, and under her mother’s care, Bronya felt appreciated, at least - never loved, though. She was liked as a Supreme Guardian, her people cheered her policies, and they seemed to enjoy her company, however awkward it was. She was, however, somewhat jealous of the way parents in the square viewed and interacted with their children, even when they were being reprimanded for whatever mischief they’d done, Bronya couldn’t help but feel the ugly pits of jealousy mock her.
Whenever she saw Serval interact with Gepard or Lynx, she felt mocked, especially when Serval tried to treat Bronya with the same level of parental care she had when they lived together, all those years ago. She never mentioned any of this to Serval, of course, the woman was mourning just as much as Bronya was, she knew that whom she once called a stepmother was doing the best she could to be there for her. But it felt especially insulting, however, when after Cocolia’s death anniversary, Serval had handled her into a hug, and for what felt like an eternity, told her stories of how great of a woman her mother had been. It had been not only insulting but also incredibly isolating, knowing that she and only a handful of people knew who Cocolia truly was. It felt even worse when after Serval had told her a funny story regarding their youth, tears started to roll down Bronya’s cheeks.
How mocking, how insulting, to anyone who knew who Cocolia was, to anyone whom she had harmed, to see Bronya weep and mourn what she knew was a monster. Oh, the things she’d give to have Seele smack some sense into her once again. To have someone yell at her, hurt her in a way only her dreams could, shame her out of her tears, and leave behind only the rational woman who knew Cocolia didn’t deserve any of this. Serval had ended up too upset to continue her little tale, and her brother had to escort her away, his compassionate blue eyes holding far more pity than Bronya deserved.
Seele had, obviously, not attended the event. Bronya hadn’t even bothered to look for her, as she usually did in official events, but she was surprised by the not zero amount of Underworlders that had, for some reason, chosen to attend a ceremony dedicated to the woman who ruined their lives. One of those people was surprisingly Natasha. Bronya did a double take when she saw her, unsure of why Natasha, of all people, had bothered to show up.
Making her way towards her, the supreme guardian awkwardly stood around for a moment, still undetected by the Underworld doctor, and simply observed. She had led a group of people towards the event and stood watching them like a teacher watching her students when on a field trip. They didn’t seem to have any bad intentions, and it looked like they had only come to pay their respect. When she saw that, Bronya had to look away, her eyes had lost focus, and she was too angry to think straight. The Underworlders were the people who were supposed to be most critical of Cocolia, and yet here they were, however small the group was, mourning her legacy.
“Lady Bronya, how are you today?” Natasha asked, she had made her way to Bronya whilst the supreme guardian composed herself. With a forced smile, which she figured fit the occasion, and a nod small enough not to upset her already throbbing headache further, Bronya spoke.
“I am well, Miss Natasha, how are you faring today?” Not the most appropriate response, Bronya realized only after it had left her mouth. Before Natasha could respond, however, Bronya spoke again. She’d already misspoken once, why not twice? “Why are you, all of you, here?”
The question did not seem to come as a surprise to the doctor, who merely gave her a sad smile and looked away.
“We are here to grieve and accept, the same as everyone who came here today,” Natasha answered, and Bronya found herself under that same urge she had inside her bedroom, to scream at Natasha, or just scream in general, if only for the odd chance that the woman before her would shame her, insult her, into silence.
“W-why?” Bronya asked.
Natasha looked at her with a type of pity not unlike the one Bronya had seen in Gepard’s eyes earlier, yet at the same time it was much more shameful.
“The Underworld has suffered enough, Bronya, yet during this past year, it has thrived under your guise. It is not for us to forget how badly your mother harmed us, but rather than fall back, we did what we could to survive, as we continue to do.” How absolutely shameful. “We seek to move on, accept what has happened, and continue to move forward, that is why we’re here. We will neither forget nor forgive what she did to us, but our presence right here, mourning her despite all she did, will help us better move forwards.”
It made no sense, not in Bronya’s mind, what the woman before her was saying. It made no sense why they were here, why they watched in compassion the people who were close to whom they thought was Cocolia give speech after speech. It had gotten harder to breathe, despite how pristine the air of the Bolobog plaza was, and something she wasn’t sure how to label had begun creeping inside her mind, making her want to run away and hide. Natasha, unfortunately, saw right through her, seeing the cold sweat forming before the young woman sensed it.
“Seele went to the florist with Hook and Clara, would you like for me to text her to wait for you before returning to the Underworld?” If her intention was to calm down the Guardian, Natasha had failed miserably.
“Seele came? T-to the event?” Why would she ever do that? Had she done so, had she even pretended to mourn Cocolia… Well, Bronya wasn’t sure what she’d do if her only support was taken away from her like that.
“No, no… she declined to accompany us to the event, claiming she’d ‘never shed a single tear for that wretched woman,’ but also said the streets of Belobog would be empty today, and it was the perfect opportunity to take a stroll without being disturbed.” Natasha chuckled, not something anyone would have expected from anyone on this day. “Hook and Clara insisted on coming with her. Svarog would beat Seele to a worse state than I can fix if anything happened to his child, so how about you go with them? We both know Seele can’t be trusted to act responsible enough to care for two children, especially Hook and Clara.”
Bronya found herself nodding yes against her better judgment - both in terms of her headache and respect towards her mother. Something Underworlders somehow held more than she, Cocolia’s own daughter, apparently did.
“They should be returning soon, I’ll text them to wait for you at the railway station, alright?” Her head hurt too much for her to be nodding like this. Turning around, past all the mourning citizens of both the Underworld and Overworld, who unknowingly gave their goodbyes and gratitude to the least deserving person of Jarilo-VI, her own mother, Bronya walked away.
“Hey princess, ever rode a mining cart before?” Seele asked one time, seemingly out of the blue, when they lay together in Bronya’s bed.
“Do I look like I’ve ever ridden a mining cart before?” Bronya asked, and Seele did the best she could to shrug.
“Well I don’t know, you could secretly be an adrenaline junkie, for all I know.”
“Seele, I’ve never even ridden a bike before.” Seele raised a brow, an incredulous look on her face, for a moment, that look stayed until Seele realized Bronya was not, in fact, joking.
“Wait really? Even I had a bike growing up! What do you mean you’ve never ridden one?” Seele broke free from Bronya’s arms, and the gray-haired woman did the best she could to not blush like a schoolgirl when she saw Seele’s breast through the semi-transparent sleeping blouse she had picked for her friend.
They’ve been at this game for a while now, almost two years to be exact. Neither knew exactly what they were to each other if just friends or perhaps lovers, yet both knew exactly how the other felt. Seele knew how bad Bronya wanted to shut her up with a kiss, and Bronya knew just how much Seele wanted to brag about her girlfriend to anyone who’d listen to her ramble. But it was far too comfortable to stay the way they were, laying in each other’s arms after a stressful day, not knowing or caring what they were or would be.
“It means I’ve never ridden a bike before, Seele.” Bronya sighed, missing the other woman’s warmth too much, and before Seele could protest, Bronya took her in her arms again, placing her friend’s head on her chest.
“Well, we’ve gotta change that! Riding a bike is like a major milestone in life!” Seele argued, yet did not try to break free from Bronya’s arms again.
“A major milestone in life? That important?” Bronya chuckled and tried not to swoon at the adorable yawn that left Seele mouth.
“Yeah, right next to getting your first job and getting married.” Seele yawned again. “Don’t worry tho, I’ll find you a bike and I’ll teach you how to ride.”
“You’d do that for me?” Bronya smiled down at her friend.
“Yeah, yeah, don’t need to thank me. Just go to sleep, we’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.” Seele said and snuggled closer to Bronya.
It often happened that, whenever Seele came over, be it to just bicker or with some actual insight, she always ended up staying the night. She’d drag Bronya away with some strength Bronya did not know she had, and did not let her go, despite the guardian’s orders that would turn into embarrassed pleas until they’d reach the bed. These nights, the ones where Seele’s head rested against her chest and her arms embraced her body, were the only nights Bronya slept fine.
She did not dream, not of bicycles and mining cars, nor of her mother’s cold gaze. She was simply in bed, with who she knew was the love of her life who disguised herself as simply just a friend, there was no reason for her to be afraid, for Seele would chase those dreams away with a roll of her eyes and a few words of encouragement that would always snap her out of it. Tonight, however, Bronya could not sleep. Seele’s snores were of no problem to her, no matter how much she would credit it as the reason for her lack of sleep in the morning.
Just how many milestones would she celebrate alone? With nobody to turn to for guidance on how to ask a girl out on a date, how to best propose, how to most efficiently build a nursery, hell, someone who would at least be there to witness her making a full lap on a bike.
It ached in a different way when her sorrow shifted from the woman her mother was to the hole she left behind with no one to fill. Bronya looked down at the sleeping woman and wondered who would ever be able to fill the role of her mother, giving her daughter away at the altar, the day the two finally got married.
It was, unsurprisingly, Seele, who snapped her out of it once again. The woman had no patience for pity, of any kind, and was quick to tell Bronya to piss off whenever she got too sentimental. Like right now, as Bronya prepared herself another cup of coffee, well versed in making the strongest brew she could, a skill she learned around this same date a year ago.
Seele had visited her early in the morning, but as she usually did, the blue-haired woman got bored of watching her partner type the day away pretty quickly. Bronya knew not where Seele had gone, or who she had decided to bother this time around, but her lack of presence by Bronya’s side upset the Supreme Guardian far more than she wanted to admit. Seele must’ve known this was a delicate time for her, and wanted to give her some space, yet space was the last thing Bronya needed right now. There was so much space, so much space nobody was filling.
Nobody greeted her with a smile in the morning, nobody asked her how she slept last night, nobody asked her if it was all too much to manage, and nobody was there to clap when she won against Seele in a bike race. Granted, Cocolia would have never done any of that for her, and Seele was here, doing all of those things, but she was her lover, not her mother, not who Bronya wanted her to be. When Seele showed up, almost at night with all of the intent to bridal carry her to her bedroom, Bronya was quick to shoo her away.
“Seele, I’m working right now, just ten more minutes, alright?” Bronya pleaded and pointed at the window behind her desk. “It’s not so late, see?”
“Fine, just ten more minutes, but that’s it, got it?” Seele rolled her eyes and sat down next to Bronya. “What are you even doing?”
“Oh, Serval asked me to make some revisions to this law, regarding business taxes and-”
“Got it, forget I asked.” Seele could not have looked more disinterested. “I guess you can stay until you finish, she’s like your mom, isn’t she?”
Bronya almost choked on her coffee, looking at Seele with a face that screamed less of insult, and more of disbelief.
“My… mom? Why would you say that?” Bronya asked with wide eyes, and Seele shrugged.
“I don’t know, wasn’t she Cocolia’s ex or something? She’s always telling me stories about you when I pass by.” Seele chuckled. “She even showed me your baby picture collection, or well, your toddler picture collection.”
How Serval even had such a thing in her possession baffled Bronya, and her cheeks turned bright red at the thought of Serval sharing all the embarrassing moments she had been there to witness when she was still around.
“She told me how you used to speak in the third person, and had your whole room themed around a yellow rat you called ‘Homu’.” Seele laughed, and for a moment, Bronya wanted to jump from the window. “Oh, and she also told me about this one time you-”
“Alright, that’s enough!” Bronya said, turning to face anywhere but Seele. “And to answer your question, No, Serval is not my mother, my mother is dead.”
“Well, what a way to bring down the fucking mood, princess. Besides, I asked if she was like your mom, not your actual mom.” At Bronya’s confused face, Seele continued. “Like, Nat isn’t my actual mom, I don’t refer to her like that, but she pretty much raised me, so in a way, she is sort of like my mom. She just fills the hole, y’know?”
“Well good for you,” Bronya said dryly and continued to work.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Seele turned Bronya’s chair around, forcing Bronya to look at her. “Forget about witty and subtle princess, and explain to me what the fuck is wrong with you. I can tell there’s been something eating you away, so say it.”
Bronya tried to look away, tried to reverse her tears and suction them back to her eyes. What was she supposed to even say? That she wished her mother was still alive? To anyone else, that might’ve been obvious that the young woman wished for such a thing, but saying that to Seele? Whose life had quite literally been ruined by that very same mother Bronya wished for? Bronya looked at Seele, trying to come up with something to say, only to break down under the woman’s gaze.
“I-I want mom… I want her to– I… I don’t know, but I want someone, I need someone!” Bronya cried, and desperately tried to move away.
“Yeah, uh, same.” Seele did not allow her some peace, however, and had the gray-haired woman still trapped in her chair. “You think I wanted my parents to fucking die, so I could accomplish my lifelong dream of becoming homeless? No, of fucking course I didn’t! Yet look at me, you don’t see me crying and whining about that! Wanna know why? Cuz I, just like you, have people around me that care. I have Nat, You have Serval, I have Sampo, You’ve got Gepard, I have Hook, You have Pela. It’s not the same, but they fill the hole, you're not alone, Bronya, stop acting like you are.”
Bronya looked away, equal part ashamed and heartbroken.
“Don’t give me that fucking face, and look at me when I speak, 'cause I’m going to ask you a question.” Seele shook the chair to strengthen her point, forcing Bronya to look at her azure eyes. “If the goddamn bitch was somehow around, do you really think she would have filled the space you wanted her to? Do you want Cocolia back, or do you want the idea of Cocolia, the idea of a loving parent, back?”
Bronya didn’t answer, but she knew Seele didn’t expect her to. When she said nothing, just stared at Seele with wide, tearful eyes for an extended period of time, Seele let go of Bronya’s chair and laid back on her own.
“Look, I’m not trying to be an asshole or anything, I’m just-”
“I-i understand.” Bronya stood up and began to walk away with one specific destination in mind, far enough for her to clear her mind of all and any doubt before she arrived, to mourn her sorrows away one last time. “Thank you, Seele, I needed to hear that.”
“Serval?”
The rockstar hummed in response, far too busy tinkering with some robot, most likely brought to her by Clara in the hopes she’d be able to fix her friend. Bronya sighed and sat down next to her, examining the many tools and components that lay around the table, doing anything she could not to continue the conversation she had started.
“What is it, BronBron?” Serval question after some more tinkering with the traffic light robot. Bronya turned red at the nickname, she hated it just as much right now as she did all those years ago.
“Please don’t call me that.” Bronya sighed, looking at the woman before her. “I, uh, wanted to ask for some insight, regarding a decision I’m about to make.”
“If you’re about to make the decision, does my opinion really matter?” Serval still did not look at her. Bronya thought, neither too long nor too hard about it, and then answered.
“No, it really doesn’t, but I wanted to let you know either way,” Bronya said, never had she imagined that having someone in this hole of hers would be so nerve-inducing. “I… I’m going to propose to Seele two days from now, and I wanted to know what your-”
Serval squeezed the words out of her brain, hugging Bronya with all of the secret strength the mechanic was hiding. She could hear the older woman laugh happily as she continued what Bronya could only guess was an assassination attempt against her person by means of strangulation. Still, Bronya did what she could to hug the blonde woman back, no matter how uncomfortably positioned she was, or how close she was to giving out her final breath in Serval’s chest.
“Oh, Aeons, I’m so happy for you!” Serval finally let her go, one side of Bronya’s face was completely red, as she saw from the reflection on the robot’s shell. “Okay, Okay, how are you doing it? Do you have a ring? A blessing?”
“Uh, a blessing? I have the location and ring, but how am I supposed to get a blessing? From who? Qlipoth?” Bronya questioned as she lightly massaged her now numb face, hoping it’d go back to a more natural color sooner that way.
“From Seele’s family, BronBron!” Serval said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, making Bronya want to have researched this topic before she decided that yes, this was the source of action she was going to take. “And yes, I know she’s an orphan, but she’s got that hot nurse to look after her, and the guy too, whatever his name is. It’s tradition to ask the parents for permission before one proposes.”
“First, please never refer to Miss Natasha like that ever again, I really don’t want to hear it, especially not coming from you. Second, why would it matter if they give me their blessing or not? I’m going to marry Seele no matter what Miss Natasha and Mister Oleg say, so why even bother doing that?”
“Okay, I remember why we had to put instructions on everything back in the day now.” Serval sighed, and Bronya turned redder than she’d ever before. “Look, family is important, right? Well, after Seele marries you, her family will become your family and your family will become hers. Makes sense? Now, I know both of your families are a little… messed up, and let’s leave it at that, Nat and that guy, Oleg you said, are Seele’s family, better start it off with the right leg if they’re to become yours too, yeah?”
“I suppose that makes sense,” Bronya said.
“Just go to them and ask, okay? I think Seele mentioned she was going to the mines today, so you have time, just hurry up.” Serval stood from her seat and dragged Bronya with her to the door, the gray-haired woman complaining as she was dragged out of the workshop. “Good luck and whatnot, but come back to me only when you’ve asked them, I’ll even help you practice, but if you’re going to do this, you’re going to do this right. So, get out of my workshop and hurry up, I wanna hear what you’ve got in mind.”
It wasn’t as hard to breathe in the Underworld anymore, but coming from the pristine environment that was the top and into the outskirts of Boulder town, well, Bronya was about to cough a lung out, as usual. And as usual, there were many kids making fun of her, yet Bronya refused to give in to the teasing words of people not old enough to even be out there on their own. The leader of the band of kids was Hook, Seele’s self-appointed little sister. Did Bronya have to ask for permission from Hook too? She really hoped not, she wished not to be bullied further by the little girl and her rag-tag group of friends, and she feared her behavior would only turn more hostile, if not violent, were the girl to know what her intentions with Seele were.
“Hello, Hook, Do you perhaps know where Miss Natasha and Mister Oleg are on this fine evening?”
One of the kids stuck out their tongues and blew a raspberry, and they all began to insult her for reasons unknown to her.
“See, you bring this to yourself, nobody talks like that!” Hook said with her arms over her chest, very visibly not pleased to see Bronya, “And they’re in the clinic, now go away and leave the moles alone!”
With a sigh, Bronya walked away, wondering what they referred to when they spoke of her speech. Was she too formal? Well, she supposed she was to be formal today, especially during her talk with Natasha and Oleg. She’d been taught to speak this way since she was smaller than even the youngest mole was. Perhaps she should change her manner of speech to better blend with Seele’s family, once the two finally married. Would the kids better like her that way? Or would they simply tease her for trying way too hard to imitate them? Ultimately, Bronya did not care, not at the moment, at least.
With a heavy sigh, Bronya opened the door to the clinic and walked in. There had been major improvements to the place in the last few years, the place had more than doubled in size, with actual fully equipped rooms and medical equipment now. Still, Natasha liked to keep the place as a safe haven for the people of the Underworld and furnished it in a way that anyone’s first thought upon entering was the word cozy.
“Good morning, Miss Natasha, likewise for you, Mister Oleg.” Bronya smiled awkwardly, she saw the point Serval was trying to make, and although she herself found it somewhat pointless, seeing as there was already a decent relationship forged between her and Seele’s family members, even Sampo, Bronya couldn’t help but feel somewhat nervous now that she stood before the two people who had essentially raised Seele.
“Seele went to the mines on a mission, Lady Bronya, she won’t be back until later today,” Oleg said with a smile, it seemed something had happened to his arm, something severe enough to have Natasha tending to it.
“I… I’m actually here to speak with you, both of you.” Bronya cleared her throat and spoke with awkward assertion. Both Oleg and Natasha took a second out of whatever it was they were doing to look at Bronya as she spoke. “I want to ask you for Seele’s hand in marriage, not to strip her away from the Underworld, but rather I wish to strengthen not only our bond but that of the Underworld and overworld as well.”
The three of them stared at each other for what Bronya could only describe as the longest minute of her life, nobody said anything. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Oleg gave out a hearty belly laugh, standing from the examination chair against what Bronya could describe as common sense, the bandages in his arms almost hitting the ground, he enveloped Bronya in a hug, playfully smacking her back.
“Oh, you’re saying far too much nonsense added to the fact you want to wed my girl!” Oleg laughed. “It'd be my pleasure to have you as a second daughter, Lady Bronya!”
“It seemed it was just yesterday she was causing chaos around town.” Natasha, who had slowly made her way toward Bronya and Oleg, said. “Already getting married… they grow up so quickly, don’t they? In any case, I stand by what Oleg said, we both give you our blessing.”
Natasha gently shooed Oleg away from Bronya and enveloped the gray-haired young woman in a hug of her own. Bronya wondered if Natasha had ever held her in this same manner, when she was still under her care. Maybe she’d hold her after walking became too much of a chore and her legs gave up on her, or when she became too disoriented to walk in a straight line, Cocolia had never held her in either of those instances, which do so happen to be a common occurrence in her youth. Looking up at Natasha, who held a proud smile on her face, looking as proud as a woman could be, not sad and pitiful like the one she held the last time the two had a meaningful conversation, on the Belobog plaza almost four years ago.
Bronya knew the smile was most likely not for her, it was intended for Seele, Natasha’s own child, who had reached the point in life every parent dreamt of witnessing. Still, just looking into the woman’s face, still in her arms, Bronya began to understand why Serval had urged her to come to ask for their blessing.
Pacing around her room, Bronya wished Seele was here to bicker some more. Be it about anything, the pointless stuff that had Bronya rolling her eyes, wondering why she had enabled the argument up to that point, or the more serious things, that had her wishing her fiancee would simply shut up for once in her life. She wished Seele would roll her eyes at her, and declare that the very obvious difference between coin and silver gray was nothing more than Bronya’s imagination.
Things like that were minuscule and insignificant enough for Seele to get worked up over, and had she been in the room with Bronya right now, Seele would have called her hysterical for worrying so much about the placement of the flowers on her bouquet. As she would usually do when important matters were at stake, Bronya would either dismiss her partner or outright ignore her. Bronya isn’t quite too sure what she would have done in this case, but having Seele’s teasing voice in the background as opposed to the silence that tormented her at the moment would have tremendously helped her nerves. The silence, mixed in with her nerves, had worked marvelously well together in making Bronya want to hide in a corner and not come out lest the building somehow erupted in flames.
Nonetheless, Bronya kept standing straight, trying to fix the broch on her dress that just wouldn’t look the way she wanted it to no matter how hard she tried. Her handmaidens would have fumed at the sight of her, their supreme guardian, messing with the hard work they’d been doing since early morning. Still, one could not fault a girl in love for wanting to look her best for her beloved, especially on her wedding day. Bronya sighed in defeat and opted to stand quietly, as she’d learned to do during her youth. Now was not her time to act, simply to stand before a mirror and look pretty until she heard the bells and Serval escorted her out of the room… whenever that might be. She at least wished, if not for Seele or Serval to be here, at least for Pela to show up to check on her. Even if it was to bother her about whatever new story or game she started, something only Serval’s sister Lynx could manage to hear in its entirety, at least it was better than being alone.
Alone with only her thoughts to fight against the silence, Bronya looked at the mirror before her. She looked absolutely gorgeous in her wedding dress, her handmaidens had made sure she did. Bearing a pure white dress, just like the one she’d imagined princesses to wear back when she was younger, yet she could only somewhat see her reflection, her comically long veil made it almost hard to breathe and as Bronya looked at herself as best as she could, she wanted for nothing more than to run away. Not from Seele, of course, if anything the thought of Seele awaiting her in a cathedral, anxiously awaiting her arrival, was the only thing keeping Bronya from actually running away. Yes, there was Serval and Natasha, Gepard and Sampo, and Pela and Hook, yet none of them were here right now, trying to ease the guardian out of her nerves. They filled the holes in ways she would never be able to express her gratitude for, yet that did not counter the fact that there was still a hole in her heart, mocking her with visions of a reality where right now the careful, loving hands of a mother held her cheeks and kissed her tears away. She couldn’t afford to mess up her makeup, not now with only a handful of minutes remaining until the ceremony began
Silently panicking as she watched her mascara drip down her cheeks, Bronya held on her breath and tried to count back from ten. She reached only number four and came to a halt when she heard the door opening behind her back. From what she could see in the mirror, which between the heavy veil and tearful eyes was not much, it was an older gentleman who had entered her room. He looked like a fish out of water with the suit he was wearing, his tie was done in such a way that would make any upper-class noble faint from the sacrilege.
“G-good morning, Mister Oleg.” Bronya did the best she could to sincerely smile, but it seemed to have little effect on the man, who hurried towards her once he saw the state she was in.
“Lady Bronya, don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet.” Oleg joked, but there was an amount of worry in his voice that made Bronya regret even being in her current state. “Now, why are you like this? We don’t have much time, do you know where the girls put the makeup?”
“I’m not sure where they put it, Mister Oleg.” She responded with a tilt of her head, utterly confused. “In any case, I’ll just swipe it until it looks normal again, please don’t worry.”
“What nonsense.” The man said under his breath, and left Bronya’s side for a minute, as he began to look around the room for something that would help make the supreme guardian’s face look less like that of a mime. After some searching, he came back to her side and moved her veil to the side. “I’m not half as good as those ladies that come in the morning and did your face all pretty and nice, but I’m sure I’ll manage to make you look somewhat like that.”
And he began by cleaning away her dark tears, his hands were rough and calloused, evident that he had led a rough life, yet they were also gentle in the way he made sure not to cause her any discomfort - wanting only for the warmth of his intention to reach her way. As her handmaidens had done in the morning, Oleg wiped away all the imperfections her tears had caused and began to softly spread a thin amount of skin tone powder over her face, and after he acquired the desired look on her face, he moved on to the blush. Bronya hesitated to speak, equal parts amazed and curious about how this man knew what to do better than she herself did.
“How… Do you know these things, Mister Oleg?” Bronya asked after he had finished.
“Not something someone from my background would know, is it?” Oleg laughed, and it made Bronya want to kick herself for her question. “Ah, when your girl was still mine, she was, for some time, fascinated by makeup and pretty dresses. Now that I look back, she was most likely crushing on the girls in the magazines rather than wanting to look like them, but I made the effort on learning how to do her makeup. That little phase of hers lasted for maybe a week, but like riding a bicycle, there are skills one doesn’t forget, no matter the years.”
Oleg took a step back, observing Bronya with a proud grin, and despite Oleg and Seele not being blood-related, Bronya could definitely see from whom her to-be wife had inherited her grin.
“Thank you, Mister Oleg, I don’t know what I would have done had you not come to my aid,” Bronya said.
“Oh, drop the formalities, we’re family, aren’t we? Come here, give your old man-in-law a hug.” Oleg threw his arms around Bronya, not caring if his embrace messed with her dress. Then he playfully smacked her back, as he’d done just a few months ago, and Bronya found herself returning the hug, resting her head on his shoulder as she smiled, more than simply just content for the first time in the day. The throbbing in her heart, wanting to remind her of the absence, of what she lacked, disappeared and with a small hum, Bronya looked at Oleg.
“I know this isn’t what we practiced, but… Miste- I mean, Oleg, is it alright for you to walk me down the aisle?” Bronya questioned shyly. “I don’t really have anyone to do that for me, and Serval is going to be too overwhelmed with the number of places she has to be at the same time to truly enjoy the day.”
“Aren’t the nobles and traditional people going to be upset?” Oleg questioned, not declining her just yet.
“They are already upset enough about the union, had I listened to them, we would not be standing here right now,” Bronya explained, looking almost guilty as she remembered what the nobles had been whispering about Seele behind the blue-haired woman’s back.
“Well, if you insist, how am I to deny you?” Oleg smiled and shook her shoulder. “Just know I don’t do not know wedding traditions, of any kind, so excuse me if I accidentally step on your shoe, Lady Bronya.”
“Now we can’t have that, how am I to refer to you by just your name if you continue to refer to me as Lady Bronya? Please, a first-name basis is long overdue.” Bronya spoke. “And in any case, practicing our dance with Seele has made me numb to the pain, it really is no problem.”
Oleg’s eyes seem to shine at the confirmation that it was, in fact, alright, for him to deliver the supreme guardian to his daughter. He smiled and shook his head, clearly overjoyed at the task he’d just been given.
“First, though, I need to fix your tie - traditions be damned, but you need to look more presentable than this.” Bronya took a step back and began to wonder how to even fix the knot that the man had on his tie. He looked away with a heavy sigh, clearly not happy about wearing such a restrictive article of clothing. A tie was not something anyone would use in the Underworld, it was already hard enough to breathe as it was, and a tie would only strain one’s lungs further. Still, as he looked at the door with a smile, Bronya couldn’t help herself but think back, back to the world where a woman stood instead of this man. With a sad smile, Bronya spoke again. “Thank you, Oleg, for being here with me,”
“Bronya?”
The gray-haired woman only hummed in response, far too busy with her paperwork to give her wife a proper response. She needed to get a headstart and put some notes for Pela, who was to manage the state of affairs for the time to come, in a few weeks that was. It was not as if Bronya did not trust the younger woman to manage Belobog responsibly in her absence, but she had not let anyone even look at her work since she assumed her role as the Supreme Guardian all those years ago - only Seele was allowed to peek since Bronya knew the woman neither knew nor cared about the contents of her pages. When Seele did not answer, Bronya turned around with a heavy sigh, she was beyond stressed at the moment, and the last thing she needed right now was an upset Seele. Once she looked her way and saw Seele’s stern gaze pierce holes through the silver-haired woman, Bronya knew she had already messed up.
“I’m not happy right now,” Seele whined with an adorable pout on her lips and cheeks the color of apples. She’d kick Bronya for even thinking she looked cute in her current state, yet her glow enamored Bronya in ways she thought were impossible before.
“I’m sorry to hear that, darling, is there anything I can do to help?”
That seemed to be the wrong thing to say, as Seele stopped pouting and looked at Bronya with nothing short of raw, uncontrollable rage. With another sigh, she made her way towards the bed and sat down next to her seething partner, who seemed to want to say so many things she couldn’t properly articulate any sentences.
Thankfully, not something she thought she’d ever say regarding a situation like this, Bronya was well equipped with months of experience in handling her pregnant wife in a way that left both her eardrums and Seele’s throat still in semi-intact. Sitting down next to her, Bronya held Seele in her arms - almost as if approaching a wild animal, she slowly and carefully placed Seele’s head on her shoulder and freed her hair, beginning to massage her scalp. No matter how much work Bronya had due, how many places she had to be, and how many people she had to meet, Seele was most definitely getting the short end of the stick in the situation. Bronya held a deep admiration for her wife, for managing not only to continue doing her work until just recently but doing so whilst carrying a child. There was no braver, or stronger thing anyone could do, not in Bronya’s eyes, at least. Her hand sneaked toward Seele’s belly, and she began to softly caress her bump. She could feel their child kicking against her hand. It seemed that was what had made Seele so upset, Bronya understood now why her wife had been so moody these past few months, their child seemed to have an almost infinite well of stamina, which they continued to use to kick their mother for hours on end. It was nobody’s fault but Seele’s, seeing as this was her child who seemed to have inherited her hyperactive nature, but still, Bronya pitied her wife.
“Let’s go take a walk, yes? Perhaps that way they’d calm down?” Bronya suggested against her better judgment, and when Seele took a deep breath, she readied herself for the scolding that would ensue.
“Do I look like I want to take a walk!? My feet are so swollen, I think they might as well burst! Not to mention, I can barely take two steps without needing to take a piss!” Seele fumed. “For YOUR fucking fault, may I add! So shut the fuck up and think about me for once, will you!?”
“I’m only trying to help, Seele.” She knew Seele was not in a state to listen to her rational thinking, Seele was not best known for her logical and rational thinking, to begin with. “Is there anything you want? Anything at all, trust me, I will bring it to you.”
“Yeah, I want someone to get your goddamn kid out of me,” Seele spoke through gritted teeth and pushed Bronya’s hand away from her belly. “And if you really want to help me, then get your ass out and away from here, I don’t where, I don’t care where, but leave me alone.”
Ever so understanding and obedient, Bronya nodded and stood up, slowly making her way out of the room, stopping every so often and looking back at her wife. Seele nodded at her each time she turned around and stared at her with the saddest eyes she could muster. Not like the trick had ever worked on anyone before, and Bronya wasn’t sure if she looked sad and pathetic enough to make Seele feel bad for her or desperate and woeful to make Seele even more upset.
“Bronya, I love you, I really do, but I don’t like you right now, and trust me, you don’t wanna be here with me right now. Get. The hell. Out.” Seele said in a tone low and grim enough to make Bronya leave on her own violation, not needing further encouragement to make her leave.
The gardens of the Qlipoth fort, where the Rand family had resided for generations, looked far too uninviting and grim for a child to play in. Not even Hook, who could make a game out of staring at paint dry, seemed interested enough in the scene. Not like Hook was one to take time out of her no doubt very busy schedule to appreciate the many exotic flowers and plant types that grew in the area, and anyone who tried to explain that to her was surely wasting their time. Bronya decided to stop Pela from wasting her time trying to get the young girl interested in flowers and plants for reasons other than the fact they look pretty. Bronya never played outside growing up, she was far too busy being shaped into the perfect supreme guardian, or what her mother had viewed as a perfect leader, to go out and play, or at the very least touch some grass. Added to that, Bronya had been very sick as a child, she still was technically speaking, but it had become much easier to manage her ailment as she grew up - during her childhood, trying to climb a tree or play tag would have left her sore and bedridden, it was best to avoid playing outside, even Serval had agreed to that. That would most likely not be the case for this child, who seemed to have made it their personal mission to have a boxing match with each and every one of Seele’s organs. This time, it wouldn’t be so lonely for the prince or princess of Belobog, Bronya would make sure it wasn’t.
“Good morning Pela, Hook.” Bronya greeted as she neared the pair. Hook gave her a silent plea for help, Bronya understood entirely too well why the girl’s expression looked so sad. “What are we doing?”
“Nothing! I was just leaving, actually!” Hook replied rather quickly and attempted to run off, Bronya wasn’t exactly sure where to, but Pela was quick to stop her, grabbing the girl by the hood of her hoodie. “Please, just let me go!”
“I caught Hook desecrating the flowers, and upon further interrogation, she claimed she was trying to look for ‘treasures’, yet no matter how many times I try to explain that the real treasure is the many plants she just wrecked, she doesn’t seem to understand me,” Pela explained.
“Look, Miss Overworld Princess Supreme Guardian Ma’am, I’m sorry if I or the moles ever made fun of you, but please, tell this crazy woman to leave me alone!”
Bronya looked at the area ahead of them, the one Hook had apparently been causing trouble in. She could already envision a swing hanging from the tree furthest away from the railing that led to a fifty-meter drop - for obvious reasons, considering whose child it was intended for - and a slide not too far away. Growing up, despite how little Bronya went out, she always wanted to have a tree house, call it self-indulgent or simply living out her dreams through a younger self, but Bronya would be damned if she didn’t build the best tree house known to mankind in that tree.
“Actually, I was thinking of building a playground here,” Bronya mentioned and smiled when she saw the way Hook’s eye lit up at the comment. “I think It’d be fine for Hook to play around, seeing as there is not much else to do in the fort for a child her age. Besides, she’ll only be here for a week or so, at least until the child is born, how much damage do you think she can cause?”
“Do you want me to answer that honestly, or should I just play into your wishful thinking?” Pela raised a brow. “Also, you do know there is no way that the council will approve of you wrecking this place, right?”
“Not wrecking it, It’ll look nice,” Bronya looked around the garden, already hearing the laughter that was so absent in her own youth. She could hear the laughter coming from the swing as her little light tried to reach the clouds and the yelling that would come from the top of the tree, where her child’s little house would stand.
Truly, Bronya could not have cared less about what the architects had to say, not regarding anything to do with her little family. “See, on that tree? I’m going to build a tree house. I always wanted one growing up, but I wasn’t allowed to go out.”
“Huh? Did your mom not let you go out?” Hook questioned, and seemed absolutely bewildered when Bronya shook her head. “Your mom sounds like an evil lady. Why weren’t you allowed to go out?”
“Uh… not regarding that statement about the morality of the previous Supreme guardian, Bronya was really sick as a child,” Pela answered, awkwardly cleaning the fog from her glasses. “Regardless, I think I can somewhat sympathize with that stance, of living things I never could through someone else’s eyes, I mean.”
Bronya couldn’t stop hearing the screaming, the laughter, and the joy, no matter how much she tried to focus on the conversation. Yes, she’d give this child all she’d never been given. She’d greet her child with a smile every morning and a kiss on the forehead as she asked with all of her interest how did their night go, ask them if their meal had been sufficient, and lend a shoulder so when the world inevitably lashed out towards her child they’d have someone to cry on. She’d give her child so much love, she’d make them feel not just appreciated but rather feel like the most loved person in the world.
“Big sister Bronya, why are you crying?” Hook questioned, it seemed her tears had shocked Pela into releasing the girl’s hood. “Is it because of what I said about your mom being bad?”
Bronya smiled happily at Hook and shook her head, her mother’s monstrous actions and cold dead eyes still lingered in the back of her mind, but the overwhelming joy she felt, knowing that in just a few short days, she’d finally be able to meet her child, her better half, and say those three words a mother had never said to her far outmatched it.
“Seele?”
The aforementioned hummed in response, far too busy sharpening the blade of her scythe. It’d been a tough night, for everyone involved, and the more Bronya tried to take her mind off of it, think of anything that wasn’t her mother’s last words and the raging expression she wore before disintegrating, the more the image came to her.
She’d been able to hold her own for the first few hours and had only cried slightly when Cocolia had died, yet the swarm of monsters that followed had been too big of a threat for Bronya to stay down for long. But now, almost five hours after the fact, Bronya was running out of things to keep her mind busy with.
“What do you want, princess?” Seele asked, tearing her gaze away from her lethal instrument and towards the bloody princess that sat before her. “Want me to walk you back to your palace?”
“No, please, Aeons, No…” Maybe Seele saw how desperate Bronya looked, how broken her voice sounded, or perhaps she’d spoken so low Seele couldn’t head, but whatever reason it was, Seele moved closer to Bronya, resting her hand on the Silvermane’s shoulder. “I… she’s gone… isn’t she?”
Seele hummed once again and held Bronya close to her chest when tears began to fall down her eyes.
“Bronya? Look at me.” Seele held her pale face in her hands, not giving her the chance to at least cry in the shameful embrace of the Underworlder who had aided her in killing her own mother. “What happened to her was not your fault, got it? She had it coming for her, from the moment that thing, whatever it was called, took control of her mind.”
Bronya tried to break free from Seele’s grasp. How could she say that? Not just say, but believe with her whole heart that a daughter was not at fault for outright killing her own mother. But then again, she’d never been a daughter, not to whoever her biological parents were, and certainly not to Cocolia, who even in her last moment, had only stared at Bronya with disgust, not uttering a single word meant for her.
Bronya didn’t care what the words that left her mouth would be, she wanted to be called a disappointment, a mistake, a failure, anything, anything at all so as long as her mother addressed it to her. What was Cocolia thinking, when she looked at Bronya with so much disgust? Was she thinking back to when she first took her in? Bronya wondered what thoughts passed her mother's mind when she saw her for the first time… Useless, weak, slow, a failure of a daughter, a failure of a silvermane, a-
“Perfect, I love you so much.” Looking down at the small child in her arms, sleeping like there was nothing to worry about in the world; like there were no monsters in closets and no evil adoptive mothers out to get her.
All that came to Bronya’s mind when she stared at her and Seeles’ daughter, Hook’s little niece, and Serval, Oleg and Natasha’s granddaughter, was how much she adored the little princess. She hoped not for her to be as efficient of a Guardian as Bronya had been raised to be, or as lethal with a scythe, as her Seele was forced to be, she hoped for her little girl never to hear what Bronya had heard coming from her own mother, not from anyone in this world.
The sight of those eyes that had hunted Bronya for almost seven years banished for the first time in that time, replaced instead with her wife’s disheveled looks, her self-appointed little sister’s insistence on playing with the newborn child, Serval presence as she just entered the room after fighting off the press eager to get some words on the state of the Guardian and her family, Oleg's sweet words as he sat by his girl’s side telling her she’d done well and he was proud of her, and Natasha and Pela's newly formed bond as they suggested the worst names Bronya has ever heard in her life.
There was a hole, someone was missing from the picture, but the family she found along the way more than made up for it.