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Akk and Ayan were lying in bed after an eventful day. It was Akk’s birthday and Ayan had decided to spoil him before they went to watch Wat’s short film. He had woken Akk up to breakfast and they spent the rest of the morning out in the water. It was calming, reminding Akk of when he used to do this when he was younger. Ayan gave Akk the first of his gifts: a sun bracelet that when connected to Ayan’s matching moon bracelet, makes an eclipse. Akk did not know there were more gifts to come, though.
They met up with the gang afterwards, and watched as Wat won his first award. Akk could be smug and say it was all thanks to his amazing acting, and he’s sure Ayan was thinking the same, but the reality is that it was all on Wat. He knew how to tell a compelling story.
Everyone went to celebrate the two happy occasions at the local bar per Ayan’s request. This request would make sense after he excused himself to the bathroom. However, instead of going to the bathroom, he got up on stage and sang the song he had been writing with Akk. Thankfully, the bar was empty besides their friends, so Akk was only a little embarrassed. He quickly wiped his eyes and got up to give Ayan a hug and a quick kiss to the cheek.
They waved goodbye to their friends and made their way back to Ayan’s place. Ayan’s mom was away, so they got to be alone. That’s how they got here. Lying in bed, tired from the day, but happy. Or, Akk was happy until the adrenaline finally wore off and he was left with his thoughts.
He was just thinking about the day, but a small feeling in the back of his mind kept attempting to creep forward. He tried forcing it away but it kept inching closer until he no longer had the willpower to fight it. Was he being annoying?
Ayan always goes above and beyond for Akk but does he really want to? What if he’s just doing it because he feels obligated to? Even today, he had asked Ayan to stop by the store so he could pick up a celebratory gift for Wat since he forgot to do so earlier. They were running a little behind and he still asked and Ayan obliged, making them even later. Did that irk Ayan? He’s pretty good at being punctual. What if that ruined his entire mood?
Those thoughts spiraled even further.
Does Ayan even love me? He has to. He did all these things for me today. He wouldn’t do that if he didn’t love me. But what if he’s only doing it because he’s my boyfriend? But why would he be my boyfriend if he didn’t love me? Maybe he felt bad for me. No! He told me he didn’t do this out of pity. He could be lying. He loves me.
When’s the last time he told me that?
The last thought made Akk quickly sit up in bed. Ayan, who had been scrolling through his phone, jumped. He looked over at Akk who looked back at him with the saddest eyes he’s ever seen. He was about to ask what’s wrong when Akk spoke first.
“Will you be annoyed if I ask you something?”
Annoyed? Why would Ayan be annoyed? “Of course not. What’s up?”
Akk swallowed, looking down at his fingers that are tapping anxiously against his thigh to avoid eye contact. “Will you say you love me?”
The hurt in Akk’s voice made Ayan sit up. He placed Akk’s hands in his own, doing his best to express his sincerity through his eyes. “I love you.” Akk looked up at him with tears in his eyes. “I love you so much. Akk, baby, what’s wrong?”
Akk couldn’t get the words out. If he vocalizes this, then there’s the possibility he could be right. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Ayan secretly hates him.
Ayan began to gently rub his thumbs over the tops of Akk’s hands. He stared patiently as Akk struggled to find the best way to word this without sounding pathetic.
“I just…feel like I annoy you.” The words were out there. There was no taking it back. Whatever happens next will happen and Akk is prepared. Well, he’s not, but he’s telling himself that he is.
Ayan was taken aback by what Akk said. “You could never annoy me,” Ayan said through choked tears. The thought that Akk was afraid that Ayan found him annoying broke his heart. What had he done to make Akk feel this way? “Did I do something to make you feel like I was annoyed?”
Akk quickly shook his head, panic rising throughout his body. He had upset Ayan and he needed to fix that immediately. “No! I just…I don’t know.” He took a deep breath and sighed. “I just feel like I ask you for a lot and that it annoys you. I’d be annoyed by me.” Akk looked down again, no longer able to control his tears.
Ayan’s heart shattered like a glass that fell to the floor. His darling Akk. He must have been holding this in for a long time. Ayan felt awful for not noticing before.
“Akk.” Akk made a small noise of acknowledgement. “You don’t ask for a lot. In fact, you probably don’t ask for enough. You don’t annoy me. You could never annoy me. You could ask me for a million things and I would do everything I could to do them for you because I love you.”
Akk was fully sobbing. Ayan quickly wrapped his arms around Akk. Akk sobbed into his shoulder. Ayan rubbed a soothing hand across his back, fighting back tears of his own. When Akk calmed down enough, he lifted his head off of Ayan’s shoulder.
“I was just thinking about how I always ask you for stuff and,” Akk hiccuped. “and it led me to thinking that you only do stuff for me because you have to and I couldn’t remember the last time you said you loved me and-”
“I love you,” Ayan interrupted. “I love you so much. My life has been so much better since you entered it. I’m thankful that you’re in my life and I get to be with you and love you and call you mine. I’m so so sorry that I don’t tell you that enough. I’ll tell you more often. I never want you to feel like I don’t love you. I didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much, but here I am.”
Akk didn’t know what to say. Here he was, crying on his birthday because of his insecurities, and his boyfriend just squashed them all in a few sentences.
“Aye,” he called weakly.
“Akk.”
“Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you, too. I’ll keep saying it until I physically can’t anymore and even then I’ll find a way to communicate it to you.”
Akk let out an airy laugh. Ayan gave the biggest grin. He opened his arms and Akk gladly fell into them, squeezing him tight. Ayan squeezed back, even tighter.
“Are you feeling better now?”
Akk nodded. “I am.”
Ayan pulled away from Akk. “Can I kiss you?”
“I’m all snotty and gross.”
“I don’t care.”
“Ugh, fine.” Akk couldn’t contain his smile as Ayan kissed him.
After a few minutes of kissing, Ayan got out of bed to get Akk some water and medicine for his head. He retrieved the items and Akk thanked him with another kiss. They laid back down in bed, facing each other.
“When did you get so cheesy, Shortstop?”
“Since I fell in love with you, Bigfoot.”
Akk groaned, burying his head in Ayan’s chest to hide his big smile and red cheeks. Ayan laughed, kissing Akk on the head. They fell asleep like that. Comfortable, happy, and in love.