Chapter Text
Since Soobin had officially become a beta, his packmates had been acting strangely. He thought he was imagining it at first. They were all so busy these days, and oftentimes they weren't all home and together at the same time anyway. But it became clear as the days passed that the others didn't just happen to be busy- they were purposefully avoiding him. If Soobin sat down on the couch next to them, they would shift away, leaving a yawning gap between them. People greeted him when he entered a room, but rarely approached him. Even their banter was muted; where Soobin had grown to expect playful hits and shoves, now he was only given teasing looks. It wasn't that they were excluding him, exactly. That would be too severe a word for it. But something had changed, undeniably. Rather than integrating him into the pack, it seemed he'd been, in some ways, omitted it from it. He was still their friend and group member, but there was some unnamable wall preventing him from being with them the way they were before.
The distance between Soobin and his packmates became more pronounced when he considered his relationship with Beomgyu specifically. Beomgyu was the pack omega, a role he was eager to use to his advantage whenever the opportunity arose. He was always milking the attention of his packmates, a number that had included Soobin, who got more than his fair share of puppy eyes and melodramatics whenever Beomgyu wanted something from him. Now though, Beomgyu didn't attempt to plead and whine his way into Soobin's good graces. He spoke to Soobin like he would an outsider; not as formal as a stranger, but not familial and casual the way he was with Yeonjun, despite Soobin being closer in age. It would've been bizarre even without their dynamics, as Beomgyu was bratty even on his best days. But with Soobin, he no longer played their little games. He no longer stole Soobin's clothing or took food off his plate it was as if Soobin's attention wasn't valuable anymore.
It only took a few weeks for their manager Jiwon to notice the odd tension between Soobin and the other members. He stopped by on his way out of the building when they were in the middle of a late dance practice and pulled Soobin into the hall to talk to him privately. He seemed genuine with his concern, but Soobin barely understood the issue himself, much less was able to give a coherent explanation.
"We'll sort it out," he said eventually. "It's just been a hard month."
Jiwon gave him a sympathetic look. "Presentations always cause growing pains. And with you presenting so late, they might just be struggling with fitting you into the pack structure."
Before, Soobin hadn't been concerned about presenting late. It was normal in his family, and in his eyes, there wasn't any real benefit other than just getting it over with. Even after Kai went through his first rut, or Beomgyu his first heat, or after Yeonjun gave them all temporary bond marks on their wrists, he didn't feel any pressure from his members to catch up with them.
Now, of course, things were turning out differently.
"You know," Jiwon said casually. "Sometimes betas aren't a part of pack structure at all."
Soobin blinked at his manager, stunned.
"I’ve…never heard that."
"I’m not a subgender specialist, but from what I understand, it's not required for betas to participate in pack dynamics. They do if they want to, of course, but it doesn't always work out that way. Some separation helps betas stay neutral when they need to be." The expression on Soobin's face must've shown his surprise, because Jiwon waved the words away as soon as he said them. "I hope I’m not discouraging you. I just thought if things aren't turning out the way you expected, it would help to know that there's no need to force things to be a certain way. Your group members will still value you even if you keep distance from them."
Soobin swallowed. "That's very insightful, hyung. Thank you for saying so."
Jiwon smiled and patted him on the shoulder. "You should all call it a night and go home, don't you think? You all have to be here before dawn tomorrow."
Soobin shook his head. "We have another two hours to go."
"If you think you need it," Jiwon acquiesced. "But if you want to go home, I think that's fair. Especially since you'll have practice with the choreographer tomorrow regardless."
Soobin prided himself on his work ethic most of the time, but he’d been feeling far from his best the past few weeks, and long nights spent in the practice room weren’t helping.
“I’ll talk to the members,” he said, as if he didn’t already know what the outcome of a proposed vote would be.
Jiwon gave him a thumbs up, already turning to move down the hall. “Stay well, Soobin.”
Soobin watched as he turned and disappeared around the corner towards the elevators, then went back into the practice room. Everyone was still sitting on the floor where he’d left them.
Taehyun and Yeonjun were talking together in the far corner, and Kai was rifling through his bag for something. Beomgyu was on the back on the floor, looking seconds from falling asleep. When he approached, Yeonjun gave him a withering look, and Soobin had to remind himself that he was likely anticipating Soobin forcing him to get up and resume practice, and not just reacting to Soobin’s presence itself. He decided in that moment that he was going to exercise his authority as leader and take Jiwon up on his offer.
“Practice is cut short. We’re going home.”
Kai’s head snapped up from his duffel bag. “Really?”
“Jiwon-hyung just told me so outside. He said we should rest since we have to be up early tomorrow for filming.”
Yeonjun seemed hesitant. “Don’t we meet with the choreographer tomorrow? She’ll want to see we’ve polished what she taught us last week.”
“Tomorrow we’re learning a different part entirely,” Kai pressed. “It won’t even come up.”
“If we were told we could leave, it’s not skipping practice, is it? We’ve worked hard up until now,” Taehyun said, ever reasonable. Yeonjun sighed, giving in.
“Alright. Let’s go home then.”
Kai let out a whoop of excitement and scooped everything back into his bag, this time preparing to leave instead of just rummaging through. Taehyun scooted over to Beomgyu and shook him awake to tell him they were leaving. Yeonjun pushed himself up and stretched his arms wide over his head like a cat, as if trying to wring the soreness out of his body. When he noticed Soobin still looking, he shot him a tired smile.
“Our leader, always taking care of us, huh?”
Soobin rolled his eyes. “Get your stuff so we can go.”
It should come naturally, a casual interaction, but something about it felt stiff, a facsimile of their normal banter. Maybe they were all just tired. Maybe Soobin was overthinking things again, too caught up in his head. His shoulder was still tingling from where Jiwon had tapped it and he realized that it was the first time anyone had touched him that way in months- easily and without prompting.
Yeonjun huffed and turned around to gather his coat and bag. Soobin did the same.
The next morning, Soobin was already in the living room tying his shoes when Beomgyu stumbled into the living room with flushed cheeks and a sharp tang to his scent. He collapsed on a chair in the kitchen with a groan and set his head down on the table, exhaustion in every line of his body.
"What's up with you?" Taehyun said from the door. He was far away enough that he couldn’t smell Beomgyu properly, but Soobin had known what was wrong as soon as he'd seen Beomgyu in the hall.
"He's in preheat.”
"What?"
"No, I’m not," Beomgyu mumbled. "It's just a cold or something."
"I can already smell it," Kai said, sliding into the room with his shoes in hand. "You're definitely starting preheat."
Beomgyu groaned again, miserable and wrung out, and Soobin felt his heart thrum in sympathy. Beomgyu always had difficult pre-heats, getting worn out and feverish long before other heat symptoms started to show. Normally they could account for this, and give him the time he needed both before and after his cycle, but this one had caught them by surprise.
Taehyun must've realized this too, nostrils flaring as he abandoned his coat in the entryway and reentered the kitchen where they were gathered.
"Is something wrong?" he asked, leaning over to see Beomgyu's hidden face. "You're not due for another few weeks."
"Dunno," Beomgyu murmured, so low Soobin had to strain to hear. "Just stressed, I guess."
“He was really tired at practice yesterday. More than normal,” Kai said.
Down the hall, Yeonjun finally exited his room. He waved halfheartedly to Soobin when he saw him, but the moment he caught the smell of Beomgyu in the threshold of the room, his whole demeanor changed. He straighted up as he rushed down the hallway, beelining for the kitchen and in seconds he was crouching beside Beomgyu, coaxing him into lifting his head up.
"What's wrong, Gyu?”
“He’s in preheat,” Taehyun explained. “It must’ve started late last night.”
"But he's not due yet. Is he sick?" Yeonjun asked, eyebrows turning together worriedly.
"He says he's just stressed," Kai explained. "But I think stress can effect heat cycles."
Taehyun hummed. "It’s just a response to being overwhelmed, or needing attention from the pack. It makes your heat come early sometimes to force you to rest.”
Kai looked stricken. “Are we not giving you enough attention, hyung?”
Beomgyu was visibly losing patience with the situation, tolerance being a limited resource for him when he was in heat.
"You guys aren’t neglecting me," he insisted. "I’m just tired. And I’m not in preheat. I can't be. We have work."
"It's not like two weeks from now would be a better time," Taehyun said quietly. Yeonjun shot him a look, but Taehyun wasn't wrong. Although they were supposed to finish filming everything that week, there had been a small series of disasters, including some mix-up with the broadcast networks over air dates and their choreographer getting sick, that meant they would likely be working well into April. Having Beomgyu's heat now, in early March, was only marginally more inconvenient than having it at the end of the month.
“I’ll call our manager," Soobin said. "I’ll make sure one of you can stay back with him, too."
"Tell them it's Hyuka who's staying behind," Yeonjun said, no, ordered, in a more intense tone than he typically used. Soobin paused for a minute, the authority moving down his spine like a shockwave, but he shook himself out before it was noticeable.
"Yes, hyung," he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket and stepping into the hallway to make the call.
Management was understanding; they typically were when it came to pack issues. They told him that Beomgyu and Kai could stay home for the day, and then Soobin would need to stay behind for a short meeting so that he knew how they were rearranging their schedules. By the time Soobin hung up, the aftershocks of Yeonjun's order had finally worked their way out of him, but he still felt antsy, on edge. It felt like there was a physical barrier separating him from the kitchen where everyone else was, like he'd be intruding to step back in there now. But Beomgyu was more important than his insecurities, so he steeled himself and re-entered their communal living space. They didn't sense him, preoccupied with Beomgyu as they were, so he had to announce his own presence.
"Kai and Beomgyu can stay home. They're also letting us out early. I'll stay after to help them reorganize everything."
Beomgyu sagged in his chair. He was more flushed than he'd been even five minutes ago, and he held on tight to Kai's shoulder when he stood to go back to bed. Yeonjun went ahead of them, bustling down the hall to open the door to the nesting room and take inventory of the supplies. Soobin moved forward to the door to get his shoes, but Taehyun caught his eye as he walked past.
"Thank you for working that out, hyung," Taehyun said, genuine gratitude in his tone. It made Soobin itch a bit, discomfort burrowing under his skin.
"That's what I’m here for," he settled on, a polite brushing away of the gratitude. "Just wish me luck for the meeting later today."
"You won't need it," Taehyun assured them. "You've always been good at fighting on our behalf."
True enough, Soobin figured, but that didn't mean he couldn't use the well-wishes. Before he could open his mouth and rebuff Taehyun again, Yeonjun came back around, apparently deeming the nesting room suitable for the present moment, and grabbed his coat off the couch.
"Alright, let's get going," he said. Taehyun broke away from Soobin's eyeline and started towards the door as well, throwing a look back over his shoulder at Beomgyu and Kai in the far bedroom, reorganizing all the fabrics into a suitable heat bed. After a moment, Soobin fell in line behind them.
Since they couldn't film, they took the day to re-record some of the vocals for their mini-album and practice the new dance steps. Unlike most of their choreography, this song had fewer group formations and more time with each of them in the center as individuals, which was convenient for a practice where two of their five members were absent. Not that they truly got much done, with both alphas glued to their phones, obsessing over updates from Kai and keeping a running tally of everything they needed to bring back with them on the way to the dorms. It wasn't unusual, really. They'd acted this way during Beomgyu's previous heats, and probably would for all the ones going forward. But seeing them so concerned over his wellbeing, so caught up in preparations, made Soobin all the more aware of how little they'd been concerned about him these past few weeks. It was the same feeling he'd gotten when he'd seen everyone clustered around Beomgyu in the kitchen: the knowledge that they would not have done the same for him, and that he wasn't allowed to participate in them doing it for each other. It was selfish and immature, and he tried to shove down the resentment, but it grew more and more grating as practice continued with Taehyun and Yeonjun talking profusely with each other, all but ignoring Soobin.
The second the clock hit six, Yeonjun turned to their choreographer, already halfway in motion.
"Thank you very much for your help, hyung. Is it alright if we dissmiss-"
"Go," their choreographer said. Soobin assumed he'd already been briefed on the schedule change and was trying to be unobtrusive, or maybe he was also tired of the clear lack of attention Yeonjun and Taehyun were putting into practice.
Yeonjun and Taehyun both bowed and shot out quick "thank yous" and were out the door in the blink of an eye.
Soobin walked over to where his own bag was thrown against the wall and sat down heavily, exhaustion and irritation weighing down his whole body.
"You should get going before they leave you here," their choreographer teased.
Soobin shook his head. "I’m staying after. Meetings."
He gave Soobin a sympathetic look. "I hope they don't keep you too late."
"I don't think they will," Soobin said, and he meant it. He was fairly sure they'd shortened the schedule so that when all was said and done, Soobin would also be leaving for the week at what would be their normal knock-off time. Not that their normal time was especially kind, but at least it was what he was used to. Just a few more hours of odds and ends, and he could go home and join his pack. Surely, they could all pretend to be normal for a few days, if only for Beomgyu's benefit.
Turns out, Soobin was a horrible predictor of other people's behavior. It was only twenty minutes into their overview of changes that Soobin realized that even though everything was pushed out for a week for his members, he still had deadlines nearly every day.
"Won’t I also be at home with my pack?" Soobin reminded them. "I won't be able to come in to finish these."
There were two managers in the meeting with him, both with their laptops in front of them, tracking internal and external obligations for them. One of them was someone typically higher up the chain, a woman they rarely interacted with. The other was Jiwon. At Soobin's comment, he looked up from his emails and gave him a sympathetic look.
"It was decided that there wasn't a need for you to stay home with the others. Since you won't be having group activities, you finalize some of these other issues we've been meaning to get your opinion on," he said.
Soobin blinked, disbelieving. "What do you mean there isn't a need? I was with them during Beomgyu's last heat."
"That was different. You were unpresented then, and it would've destabilized your pack structure to exclude you."
"And now?"
"You're a beta. You hardly participate in pack dynamics, so it's alright for you to keep more distance for the purposes of work."
Soobin's stomach was twisting in frustrated knots. "I don't know what you mean. We're a bonded pack." Soobin pushed the tablet in front of him away slightly, like it would burn him if it was too close. "There's been a misunderstanding somewhere. I need to be with them."
"Soobin." Now it was the other manager, far less apologetic. "There's been no misunderstanding. We know that your presentation had an enexpected effect on group dynamics. It's only natural. But for this group to continue on, we need to adjust to those changes. I'm sure you've already been thinking about this."
Soobin clenched his hands together tightly under the table. He was well aware that pack dynamics changed as groups matured. Especially in an industry like theirs, where there tended to be an imbalance of subgenders, idol groups were forced to navigate unconventional dynamics and adopt nontraditional pack structures. Thankfully, having three alphas had never been a problem for them, as Taehyun and Kai had never shown any intent on challenging Yeonjun's position as alpha. And Beomgyu being an omega gave everyone someone to focus on and fuss over. Packs could include betas, and often did, but in truth a pack was capable of functioning without any betas involved. Even though Soobin hadn't paid very much attention when they'd explained pact structure in school, he felt like he would've remembered what role betas had, if it had ever been mentioned. But it hadn't been. He remembered their conversation from last night, Jiwon's words of advice. Sometimes betas aren't a part of pack structure at all. It doesn't always work out that way.
Soobin hadn't thought of it at the time, but when he was unpresented, he'd been living in this liminal non-role in their hierarchy. He'd been respected because he was the second eldest, but still treated essentially like a pup due to his lack of subgender. Now that he was no longer unpresented, the coddling was over. It wasn't clear exactly what they were supposed to do with him if he wasn't an alpha or an omega. And maybe the right answer was...nothing. Maybe all the silence and awkwardness, the distance between them, was their kind way of letting Soobin know he needed to lay off. And if that was the case, then there wasn't any point in fighting, was there? He couldn't become something he wasn’t or fill a role that they hadn't created for him to adopt. He could only be what he was. And what he was....
Both managers were still staring at him, waiting patiently while he deliberated. Soobin caught Jiwon's eye over his laptop screen. Like Taehyun said, Soobin was willing to do anything within his power for the benefit of his members. And maybe, just maybe...this was what was best.
"You're right," he said. "I’m sorry for my outburst."
Jiwon relaxed and gave Soobin an encouraging nod. "That's alright, Soobin. I know it's a hard adjustment."
Soobin didn't really have a choice either way. He pulled himself out of his spiral and pulled the tablet back towards himself to keep going over the schedule.
He ended up back at their dorm after dark. His head was swimming with figures and timelines, and the horrible wrench of his stomach still hadn't faded even hours later. When he entered the house, he found it nearly silent. All the lights were on, but there was no one in the front common area. He slid his shoes and coat off and ventured deeper into the dorm. All the smells were localized around the door to their nesting room. Every other room was vacant.
He went to open the door but hesitated. It was the pack bed, he had as much right to stay there as anyone else. Still, his hand moved away from the doorknob and instead rapped three times on the door, knocking.
Yeonjun answered the door, already barefaced and in sleeping clothes.
"Hey," he said. "Did you just get home?"
Soobin nodded. Behind Yeonjun, he could see the other three curled up in the mass of their pack bed, which had been transformed into something much closer to a proper nest, woven together and piled high with their used sheets and hoodies. It was pure luck that they'd been running behind on laundry. It seemed that nothing was happening when it was supposed to these days.
"Did everything go okay?"
Soobin let out a long breath. "You all can stay home. Everything's being pushed back, and we have a doctor on call, as always. But...." Saying it made him feel like guilt was tearing a hole in his lungs. "I can't stay here with you guys. I have too much work to do, apparently. They insisted. I'm sorry."
He expected Yeonjun to be upset, maybe even angry. He expected Beomgyu to pop out of the background and complain about how soulless their management was, only to be shushed by Taehyun, who would be similarly peeved but at least more diplomatic about it. But when he lifted his gaze, Yeonjun's expression was totally plain. As if Soobin hadn't said anything unusual.
"Oh. That really sucks."
"It...is. I tried to argue with them, but they didn't seem to think it mattered either way." He leaned around Yeonjun to speak directly to Beomgyu.
"I'm really sorry, Beommie."
Beomgyu, buried in blankets, didn't even bother to raise his head. He pulled out a hand and waved away Soobin's remorse.
"'S okay. Not your fault."
The expression on Yeonjun's face was surface-level sympathy, the the kind he might give to an interviewer when they were being filmed. "Aish…well, we'll manage without you, so don't worry. Don't overwork yourself either, okay?"
It was such a non-reaction, so blasé, that he doubted for a moment that he was actually speaking to Yeonjun, his friend, and not some kind of AI impersonator. But no, this was real life, and Yeonjun was really in front of him, telling him in all but words that he really didn't care if Soobin was with them for Beomgyu's heat. That none of them cared. That they maybe hadn't wanted him there in the first place. If Beomgyu's reaction was any clue, he didn't care either, which was just as if not more difficult for Soobin to stomach.
"I'll take care of myself," he promised, the words sounding foreign in his own mouth. "Text me if you need anything?"
"I think we have everything we'll need," Yeonjun said, smiling his lopsided smile that meant he was trying to kindly end a conversation. Soobin took the hint, and physically stepped back from the door. Yeonjun went to close the door, then stopped and said, "Thank you for taking care of all this for us."
That horrible itch started again, and Soobin finally recognized what it was. They were speaking to him like he was doing them favors. Each time he handled something for their benefit, they thanked him the way they would thank a staff member: an earnest appreciation for the good work they’d done. The issue was that Soobin wasn’t a staff member. He handled most of the communication with the company because it was expected of him, yes, but he didn’t mind doing it. It wasn’t some kind of burden that needed formal recognition. The idea that they might think Soobin only helped them this way because he was required to and not because he took satisfaction from caring for them in this way was mind-boggling to him. How had they reached a point where they ever thought Soobin would be reluctant to do anything he could for them?
He didn’t say any of that though. In fact, instead of rebuffing the thanks, he accepted it as graciously as possible, hoping that was what they needed from him.
"Of course. Anything for you guys."
Yeonjun smiled, wider than he had in a long while, and closed the door, leaving Soobin in the hallway, feeling even more ill than he had at the meeting. The theoretical barrier between them in the morning had now turned extremely physical. He couldn't have knocked on the door again if he'd wanted to. He turned and went back to his room, only to be greeted with a stack of folded clothes on his bed that definitely hadn't been there that morning. He frowned confused, then realized that those were his own clothes- not from his closet, but ones that had previously been embedded into their pack bed. His old hoodies and sweaters that used to be tucked all around the edges had been returned. Not only had they removed them from the nest, eliminating his scent from their space, but they were washed, stripping them of the pack smell in turn. It was a rejection as clear as it was devastating.
The horrible wrenching in his stomach uncoiled as numbness settled over him. Okay. If they didn't want Soobin in their pack anymore, then that was okay. At least Soobin now had a week to pull himself together. Hopefully by the time Beomgyu's heat ended, he'd be able to push his emotions aside and act the way they wanted him to. He placed the pile of clothes on his desk, crawled under his plain, scentless blankets, and tried his hardest to ignore any sounds or smells coming from the room down the hall.