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There were rumors all around that Jark Matter was heading their way. It was causing turmoil in the town. Nobody knew what they should do. If the rumors were true, they could be in a lot of danger. Their town too would be taken completely over by Jark Matter. Peace would no longer exist.
“Spada, sweetheart, come inside.”
A young Spada stood outside a house. He was staring out at the night sky. It was a night with very few clouds. Perfect for stargazing. Of course, he knew he should probably be preparing for the worst like everyone else was. Spada wanted to enjoy a little more peace before it may be taken away and never come back again.
“Coming, mama.” Spada called back.
He took one last look at the brightest stars in the sky and then turned and entered his family’s house. Everyone was gathered in the living room, talking over what might happen. The younger kids of their family were playing with toys nearby, blissfully unaware of what the adults were actually talking about.
Spada was barely 11 years old, but he understood clearly the danger that this Jark Matter group posed. He heard the stories told by everyone in the town of what happens to those that get caught up in their rule. They weren’t very nice stories to hear.
“What do we do? Some families have packed up and left for another town.”
“There’s no way we can get everyone out, mi amore. We will have to stay and hope for the best.”
Spada listened as his parents and some of his older siblings discussed their options. No one knew what to do. Some families in the town hadn’t wanted to risk anything and left the moment the rumor began. Others like theirs were staying at the moment, uncertain on what to do. No one wanted to leave their home behind.
“Hopefully the warriors we have will be able to defend us.” His father stated. “We will remain.”
“I’ll put the little ones to bed.” His mom said.
Spada watched as everyone began to move and do things now. His father opened up his weapon cabinet that was only meant for emergencies. This was an emergency.
“Spada, why don’t you help mama put those three to bed?” One of his older brother’s asked.
Spada nodded and went after his mom. He knew they were just kicking him out of the room before they discussed a defense plan. He was still too young to help with that. The best he could do was to help calm his siblings. They would be okay. They had a good warrior group in town. They could beat back Jark Matter. They had to.
Spada was sent off to bed himself once his three younger siblings were safely tucked in. They all shared a room. Spada had his own bedroom. He was quite lucky. Most of their big family did end up sharing with someone. The sibling he normally did share the room with had gone off to fight to protect their planet. He still wrote back to them so he wasn’t dead yet at least.
It was hard to sleep. His mind was racing, but eventually he managed to drift off. When morning came everything would be alright still. Spada had hope.
...
A shrill scream woke Spada from his slumber. He groggily opened his eyes to find thick smoke in his room. He quickly sat up, immediately coughing as he inhaled smoke into his lungs. The house was on fire. That was bad.
Spada jumped to his feet and rushed to the door. He was afraid to touch the handle, knowing it was probably going to burn him. He needed to get out of here somehow. The window was a viable option to but if his little siblings were trapped he needed to help them.
There was another scream. Spada went pale as it got cut off. Someone was in the house. Someone who was trying to kill them. Jark Matter had made it in. What did he do now?
Spada had no choice but to abandon getting through the door. He would just run head-first into the enemy. The window was his only way out now. He easily got it open and looked outside. The entire town was on fire.
Spada heard something break open a door. They were getting closer. He had to get out now if he wanted any chance at living. He took a deep breath and climbed through the window. He hesitated jumping down. It would hurt him, wouldn’t it?
It was better than dying though, so he jumped. He landed roughly on the grass. Thankfully he appeared to have come out of the without too much injury. Spada got to his feet and looked around. How did he get out of here? Where did he even go?
Spada heard a terrifying crack and turned around. The structure of the house had been burned out by the fire. It was collapsing. Spada rushed to get away before it came down, but wasn’t able to move fast enough. Burning wood fell on top of him. He let out a scream of agony.
“There was a survivor.”
“Hmmpf. He’s dead anyway now.”
Spada heard voices. They had to belong to Jark Matter. He would recognize them if they were someone from the town. These voices were talking about him dying. Spada didn’t want to die. He just wanted to be happy with his family. Were they all dead? Was he the only one left?
There was only silence that followed. The crackling of the fire was all he heard now. Whoever was around left him to die alone. Spada wanted to cry but the heat of the flames just burned any liquid away.
The smoke was filling his body, making it hard to breath. His vision was going black. Was this it? Was this how he was going to die? Spada closed his eyes. He was scared. Why did this have to happen? He just wanted a normal life.
...
Spada woke up and bolted up into a sitting position. His heart was pounding in his chest. His body shook from the shock. Tears stung in the corners of his eyes. He hadn’t had a nightmare this bad in a while.
“Spada...?”
Spada jumped at the sudden voice. He quickly whipped around to find the source of it. Oh... right. He wasn’t in his room. He had ended up in Tsurugi’s room. And said man was staring at him in concern.
“I... I...” Spada didn’t even know what to say.
Tsurugi sat up and took in his appearance, “Are you alright?”
“Y-yeah... I just... nightmare...” Spada was struggling to get words out of his mouth. “Mi dispaice...”
“Pretty bad nightmare you had.” Tsurugi commented, “Do you want a hug?”
Spada nodded and buried himself into Tsurugi. The tears finally started falling and he sobbed. He hated that nightmare. It was by far the one he hated having repeats of. He didn’t want to be reminded of the day he lost everything and barely escaped with his own life. That nightmare was the most sophisticated and stayed very true to the real events as opposed to how most of the other ones twisted the story in some way. That was just another reason he reacted so badly to this one.
Tsurugi held him close as he cried. He pressed a few gentle kisses to his head every now and again, trying to soothe him.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He did not want to talk about it. But maybe he should at least explain a little bit.
“It... was about the day Jark Matter destroyed my town...” Spada mumbled, sniffling.
Tsurugi’s grip tightened on him, “I’m sorry... that can’t be a pleasant thing to remember.”
“It doesn’t warp the events... it shows me that day clearly and I hate it...”
“I see...”
They fell into silence for a while. Spada knew Tsurugi was trying to not push him too much. It wouldn’t be an easy thing to talk about. He didn’t want to make things worse by prying too much into what happened.
“I was the only survivor in my family...” Spada whispered.
“How old were you when this happened?”
“Barely 11 at the time.”
“And you lost... everyone?” Tsurugi seemed a bit in disbelief.
“The town was burned. They were killing anyone they saw who got out of the fire. I almost died that day too. It was by a miracle someone found me and saved me. I had been crushed under my house when it collapsed.” Spada shifted out of Tsurugi’s embrace and pulled up his shirt to expose some faded burn marks on his back. “Thanks to Rebellion’s technology they healed my scars more than they had been at the time but you can still see exactly where I was trapped at.”
Tsurugi reached over and ran a hand across the marks, “You’re very lucky...”
“I always wished I wasn’t. That I had died like everyone else.” Spada admitted, “Being here with everyone has made things feel a bit better, but sometimes I look at the people we save and just see my family and friends... what should have been their future... and then it makes me feel guilty for not dying.”
He had never told anyone these feelings before. The kind stranger that had saved him always called him a miracle. Said his survival was a sign of hope for everyone else. Spada didn’t want to ruin that. He was too kind.
“Why do you feel guilty? You get the chance to live on and keep your family from being erased from existence.” Tsurugi said softly, “They’d want you to live on.”
“But why am I the only one who lived? I had an older brother who wasn’t there at the time and... even he died not long after in a fight. Why am I the only one to live on? I don’t deserve it.”
“If you didn’t survive, we never would’ve met.” Tsurugi stated.
Spada had no immediate reply to that statement. He was so used to arguing with himself over not being worth it compared to the rest of his family. He had never considered the impact he had on the people around him in that argument.
Part of him just wanted to say that his presence never existing wouldn’t change much. The kyurangers would have all still gotten this far with someone else in his place. But the dynamic they had would not be the same. Spada was his own person. No one would ever replicate the way he did things. Everyone loved him here for the ways he helped.
“I still don’t deserve to live over them.” Spada said. He couldn’t find a good argument for the point Tsurugi had made.
“Then why would you have a kyutama if you weren’t worth it?”
Spada was a bit confused by Tsurugi’s approach to the argument. He wasn’t saying things as expected. Spada had always assumed whoever he told would just keep tellig him his family would have wanted him to live on. Tsurugi dropped that pretty fast. What was this approach he was trying to take?
“What does that have to do with anything I’ve said?” Spada questioned.
“It doesn’t. I’m trying to make you live for yourself instead of your family.” Tsurugi replied.
Live for himself? Tsurugi was trying to make him find enough worth in himself to find a reason to think he should live on despite everyone. Spada had only ever really thought of the lives of his family and how they never got to live like he was. He never was selfish. He always sacrificed so much for everyone else. His worth was defined by them, not himself.
“So what if you don’t deserve to live when they don’t.” Tsurugi said at his long silence, “Be selfish for once. Live for you. Stop caring if you should deserve to be here or not. I think you do. Everyone on this ship thinks you do too.”
“Be... selfish?” Spada repeated.
He rarely was like that. He tried his hardest to always be there for others. It was how his family worked. It was almost engrained in him to do that. Even here, he was the one everyone trusted with things. Part of him doing so much for everyone was to fill the gap his family had left in his heart.
“Honestly, I’d be pissed if my family thought I deserved to die just because they all were dead already. If they loved you, they’d want you to be happy even with them gone.” Tsurugi said, “So why do you think otherwise?”
“I lost three younger siblings. The youngest was 5. Why did she die? Why was the world so cruel to her? Why am I alive instead of her?”
“And I’m sure she too would not want to see you join them. Probably thinking how cool her older brother is saving the world so no one else has to die like she did. Why you were the one chosen to survive, I don’t know. But you shouldn’t feel guilty over it. You didn’t choose to live over them. You have no reason to be guilty of anything.”
Spada was left without words again. He didn’t know what to say in reply to that.
“You’re also fueled by your emotions right now from that nightmare. Why don’t we talk more in the morning when you’ve calmed down, okay?” Tsurugi ended the conversation.
“Okay...” Spada agreed.
He doubted his feeling would change in the morning. Sure, maybe he was a bit more defensive of his stance because of the nightmare, but his feelings were the same as they had been since that day.
Tsurugi laid back down and stared at Spada expectantly. Spada laid down again as well. He shifted and pressed himself up against Tsurugi. Tsurugi pulled him into a firm hug in reply. A few kisses were pressed to his head.
“I love you. And I hate hearing that you’ve been holding onto so much guilt that I never knew of.” Tsurugi whispered, “I’m going to make you put that guilt behind you. I swear on it.”
Spada wasn’t sure if that would ever happen. He wouldn’t say anything. Maybe somehow Tsurugi would find a way to help him get over his past? That could wait until morning. He was tired. Hopefully he wouldn’t have another nightmare...
Spada hesitated now. What if the moment he fell asleep, he would just be sucked right back into another nightmare? Maybe he shouldn’t go back to bed in that case...
“Are you worried of having another bad dream?” Tsurugi seemed to have picked up on his hesitance.
“Maybe...” Spada mumbled. No point in lying about it.
“I’ll chase the nightmares away this time.” Tsurugi stated.
Spada couldn’t help but laugh at how confident he sounded, “Can you really now?”
“Yes. I have my ways.” Tsurugi seemed pleased with the response he got.
“And what would that be?” Spada questioned.
Tsurugi got level with him and smiled coyly, before he leaned in and kissed Spada on the lips. Spada was taken by surprise, but melted into the kiss. This was not the way he had expected things to end, but he wasn’t going to complain.
Tsurugi pulled away. “There we go. A kiss to chase away all the bad dreams.”
He wore a stupid grin on his face as he said that. Spada rolled his eyes. Tsurugi was certainly something right now. It was probably his way of lightening the mood after that long and tense talk.
“If it doesn’t work I’m demanding a full refund.” Spada decided to play along.
“Understood. Sweet dreams, Spada. Ti amo.”
Spada was caught off guard at the sudden Italian. Tsurugi definitely understood most of the phrases he said at this point, but had never repeated them before. You learn something new every day.
“Good night. Ti amo.”