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Karkat was certain that there was not a single more irritating being in the world than one Dave Strider.
Of course, there was probably a reason for that. What they were doing wasn’t exactly allowed or considered ethical. There wasn’t much of anything about Karkat that was allowed though, so he figured adding one more item to the cull list wasn’t too big of an issue.
It’d been two years since they first met, and he still wasn’t sure what Dave’s reasoning for continuing to come back was.
No one Karkat knew had even seen a human before, and if they ever did he highly doubted they’d casually talk to it. Everyone knew humans were like parasites and they’d been contained to their own territory by a large wall well over a hundred years ago.
Two years ago Karkat had found Dave in the hideout he’d created in a hole in said wall that was blocked off by the dense vegetation on each side. It had been enough of a shock to keep each of them from attacking that they ended up speaking to each other instead.
How that spiraled into meeting up once or twice a week for several hours each night, Karkat had no fucking clue. He knew it was probably one of the dumbest possible things they could do, but Dave wasn’t backing out of it now, and so he wasn’t going to either.
It wasn’t the dumbest thing he could do though.
No, the dumbest thing had to do with the irritation and excited anticipation that swirled around in his digestive sac whenever he thought about going to see Dave.
Tonight was a night they agreed to meet, and at this point Karkat was simply watching the clock for his time to leave.
When he finally slipped out of his hive, he started down the well-worn path memorized into his thinkpan by this point. Every so often he would have to stop and hide himself away from passing trolls, but the closer to got to the wall less and less people were around. Once he started into the undergrowth he was pretty much hive free.
He reached the spot before Dave, as was typical. The douche could never stick to their set time, even if he was the one to choose it. Karkat was sure after knowing him for so long that he was doing it just to annoy him.
It worked, and every second that continued to pass by increased those exasperated feelings.
After about ten minutes he could hear something making its way through the bushes on the human side of the hole. A few moments later a familiar hornless head poked into the clearing. Soon enough he managed to get his whole body into the small area and Karkat fixed him with a glare as he got himself settled.
“Just fucking once, it would be great if you could actually make it on time instead of continuing to waste precious bits of my life,” Karkat snapped. Dave flashed a smirk at him and Karkat tried to stomp down hard on the flutterbeasts that began whirling around inside of him.
“Aw man, I know you miss me but you gotta learn to be patient for the great things in life,” Dave said. Karkat scoffed, crossing his arms and leaning his back against the decrepit wall.
“I miss you about as much as a case of chitin eating bacteria,” he said.
“A case of what?” Dave asked, clearly lost. Karkat rolled his eyes, pointing at his horns as he explained.
“Some disease that eats away at your horns and claws and shit,” he said, Dave nodding.
“That sounds painful,” he stated.
“It is, that was the point of the comparison you genius,” Karkat said. Dave was doing at smirk thing again and Karkat was going to have to hit him if he kept it up.
Things had been building and he wasn’t sure how far he wanted to take it but the likely answer was a lot farther than Dave was willing.
“Dude, that fact I don’t know about your freaky troll flesh eating parasite shit says nothing about my intelligence,” he said.
“It’s hard to say anything about something that doesn’t exist,” Karkat said, unable to hold in the smirk at his comeback. Dave made a dramatic face and flung one of his hands up to his bloodpusher.
“The burns, how will I ever recover? I’m forever wounded Karkat, look what you’ve done to me. How could you, I thought we were bros?” Dave rambled, lying back theatrically. Karkat rolled his eyes but he knew he was grinning the slightest bit.
They could go on like this for hours. They did most of the time. As much as Dave’s flippant dismissal of any complaint or accusation Karkat had made him want to tear his hair out, it wasn’t enough to make him even think about not coming back. It actually did the opposite. Karkat knew he looked forward to the few hours where he could just fuck around with someone without having to have an underlying fear in the back of his mind.
He couldn’t stay around other trolls without carefully monitoring himself. Can’t get too heated, can’t get too emotional. Can’t end up doubled over in hysterics with tears in the corner of his eyes, laughing at some ridiculous thing.
“What’s up?” Dave asked, tossing some weird bramble thing at him and managing it stick it in his hair. Karkat reached up to pull it out before it got too tangled and tossed it back at Dave, but it ended up bouncing off his shades.
“Nothing, what are you talking about?” he said. Dave sat up from where he’d been lying and shrugged, starting to pull leaves off of a nearby bush and shred them in his lap.
“You’re quieter than normal today, I don’t know,” Dave said.
“Just thinking,” Karkat said after a moment, because it was true. He could see the straight line of Dave’s mouth twitch down at the answer though.
“About?” he asked.
“About how incredible it is that I continue to put up with you,” Karkat said, that smirk returning to Dave’s lips.
“Don’t lie man, you know you love me,” he joked, but it still sent a jolt through Karkat’s body. He quickly covered it up, rolling his eyes and throwing a handful of grass at the other boy.
“Keep telling yourself that,” he said. They were quiet for a moment afterwards, and Karkat sighed as he leaned further back into the wall.
“Do you think this is a good idea?” he asked, clearly confusing Dave.
“Think what’s a good idea?” he asked back, and Karkat gestured around them as he explained.
“Fuck, you know, all of this. I don’t know about you but if I get caught I’ll get culled, as if that’s anything new,” he said. Dave didn’t say anything at first, actually seeming to think the question over seriously. That was not usual, and Karkat was a little freaked out by it.
“Karkat…” Dave started slowly, a graveness to his voice he wasn’t used to.
“Are you breaking up with me?”
Karkat stared at him as the words processed in his head, and once they did he immediately scowled. Before Dave could scramble out of the way he leapt forward, knocking him over into the bush behind him.
“Fuck you! I’m being serious you douche,” Karkat snapped, Dave laughing as he tried to fight his way out from below him.
“Aw, don’t leave me babe, think of the kids,” he said, shielding himself as Karkat punched at his chest.
“I’ll leave and take half of everything you have fucker,” Karkat said, Dave starting to fight back now.
“We signed a prenup man you can’t do shit,” Dave said, kicking out at Karkat’s leg and throwing him off balance. Using that chance he reached up, grabbing the troll’s shoulders and flipping them around until Dave was on top. Karkat squirmed under him, twigs digging into his back.
“Give me a chance, I know a good therapist who does couples counseling,” Dave continued, using his knees to hold down Karkat’s legs so that he couldn’t use the same trick.
Karkat didn’t know what he was thinking when he leaned up and slammed his lips roughly against Dave’s. He wasn’t thinking. He just knew that he pissed him off so much and he couldn’t ever take anything seriously but still risked his fucking life two or three times a week to see him.
The contact lasted for maybe a second before Dave was gone, somehow staring at him from all the way across the clearing.
The reality of what he’d just done came crashing down around Karkat as he slowly pushed himself back up. He knew he should say something but he couldn’t remember quite how to form words anymore and Dave’s face was completely blank. They ended up sitting in complete silence for nearly four minutes until Karkat finally managed to force out a word.
“Sorry,” he said simply. Dave shrugged, continuing to keep his face unreadable.
“It’s okay,” he said, his voice giving away just as little as his expression. Karkat found himself glancing down for a second at his lips, which were red from how he’d banged against them. He always forgot just how fucking fragile humans are.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated, having no god damn clue what else to say.
“It’s fine, but uh, like, if you could maybe explain what that was about, that’d be, um, cool I guess,” Dave said, stumbling over his words a bit.
“I hate you,” the words came tumbling out of his mouth before Karkat could think about them. Dave flinched at that, the first real show of any sort of expression.
“Harsh,” he said and Karkat was shaking his head. Fuck, he knew Dave wouldn’t understand this. He was a human, he couldn’t understand.
“No, fuck not like that. Not human hate,” he said.
“Non-platonic weird troll hatemance hate?” Dave asked, and all Karkat could do was nod feebly.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh,” Karkat agreed. Neither said anything for another long while, and Karkat just fucking wanted to disappear and forget this ever happened.
“Um, you do know that like, human people don’t do that, right?” Dave asked.
“Yes, so just forget about it, please,” Karkat said, relief flooding him when Dave nodded.
“Yeah, sure thing,” he said, waiting a moment before continuing, “We’re still like, friends and shit though, right?” he asked.
“If you still want to put up with me making a complete idiot out of myself, then yes,” Karkat said. Dave flashed him a small smile and god it was so much better than the unnerving poker face.
“Man, you know I can’t ever get enough of that,” he said. Karkat managed to give him a small smile before sighing loudly.
“I should probably head back to my hive,” he muttered, Dave nodding in agreement. As Karkat made his way passed the human, Dave reached over, rubbing a fistful of grass into his hair.
“See you in three days, same time?” he asked. Karkat rolled his eyes, brushing the grass out of his hair as he answered.
“Yeah, yeah, see ya,” he said, starting to crawl through the underbrush until he came out into open space. It didn’t take long until he made his way back to his hive, slipping inside while his Lusus was taking a nap.
Honestly, he could use one too, falling into his recuperacoon the second was in his room.
Well, that had gone horribly. Not quite as bad as it could have, Dave still wanted to be friends after all. Even still, Karkat wanted to spend at least a week in his coon, not talking to anyone.
He promised Dave they would meet up again in three days though, and he was not going to go back on that.
He’d just have to suck up the embarrassment and carry on. Seeing Dave wouldn’t kill him.
Well, it certainly could, but it hadn’t yet and he was willing to take that chance.