Archive of Our Own

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Nai began to count the petals placed perfectly in the palm of his hand. Each petal a vibrant red; velvety and smooth to the touch. 

Of course, Nai was no stranger to the petals in his hand. He had grown up seeing them nearly everywhere he went. In a jar, in fields, in pictures. They held a mesmerizing hue that captured the eye and ignited the imagination, fueling their observer with passion and a flurry of positive emotions. 

Red Geraniums 

The perfect flower to describe Vash. 

Nai allowed the petals to fall from his hand, brushing them away as if they meant nothing. Of course, internally, his panic had already begun. His heart rate was climbing at a steady rate, and his train of thought had become derailed. He couldn’t even focus on stringing together a new piece of music on the piano as his hands had begun to shake too much. 

He didn’t think it was possible to become sick. Really, in his few years of existence, he hadn’t ever felt physical pain or weakness. His body was perfect. At least, that was what he was told on multiple occasions. Conrad was the most avid upholder of that belief, but clearly, he was sorely mistaken. Because if he had been correct, Nai wouldn’t be hacking up flower petals at random intervals of the day. 

Hanahaki. 

The sickness started off small. A few petals here and there, all of which briefly caused his chest to twinge with a strange sensation before returning to normal. He was able to keep these brief bouts under wraps since they usually occurred at night, a time when he was completely and utterly alone.

Most people would hate to be left alone, but he sought refuge in the sanctuary of solitude, retreating into the depths of his own thoughts. But even then, Nai was never safe from Vash. Every time his eyes shut, he would be brought back in time, transported to a place that no longer existed. 

The SEEDS ship where Vash and he had grown up. 

It had only been one year in their eternal lives, but as Nai learned, a year could do a lot to a person. A year could mean the difference between liking someone and fully, wholeheartedly falling for them. 

He could still remember the times Vash would treat him like a sibling. It was clear as day that they shared some kind of familial bond. They constantly fought over things such as toys, attention, and room space, but what separated them from that familial bond was their forbidden interactions. Or at least, that was what Rem called them.

She would always separate them before any of these “interactions” could occur. She’d tell them that they had to sleep in separate beds, change in separate rooms, bathe in separate baths, and never under any circumstances be alone with each other. But all of these preventative measures never stopped them from exploring. After all, Nai and Vash shared the same philosophy back then:

If you won’t tell us, we’ll find out for ourselves.

“Nai?” Vash called, soft and low, stepping into the artificial light seeping in from the hallway. He had just opened the door to Nai’s room and was awkwardly standing in the doorway. “I can’t sleep alone in that room..it’s so cold..”

Nai glanced over, shifting on his twin-sized bed to get a better look at Vash. He noticed how he had wrapped his frail body in one of his white sheets, allowing it to trail after him on the cold floors of the ship. It was also evident from Vash’s expression that he was uncomfortable, maybe even upset if Nai squinted enough.

So maybe Vash had a co-dependency problem. Nai did too, albeit much more subtle than Vash’s. 

He couldn’t exactly blame Vash for it. From what humans referred to them as, apparently they were supposed to be inseparable. Twins. That was the official classification they fell under to humans. In reality, Nai thought much more deeply about it. Sure, they shared a face, but that didn’t matter one bit. Nai felt as if he was connected to Vash. They had been created together, born together, and now, they would live together, forever. 

They had a sacred bond. Two halves of a whole. 

So in times like these, Nai could almost feel Vash’s emotions. He could understand the intense longing in Vash’s heart; he could feel the burning in his throat and the tears threatening to bubble over. 

Without much thought, Nai pushed himself closer to the wall, opening up a space for Vash to climb into bed. “Come here.” He patted the spot.

Vash swayed on his feet, bouncing up and down on his toes as he glanced back into the hallway. “But..Rem..she wouldn’t like this..she–”

“Who cares what Rem thinks?” Nai once again patted the spot, almost urging Vash to join him in bed. “We’re brothers. I’m pretty sure we can share a bed together. It isn’t the end of the world.”

Without much protest, Vash shut the door behind himself, encasing both of them in the dark atmosphere of Nai’s room. Thankfully, he had memorized the layout of the room, able to walk through the darkness and land perfectly in Nai’s bed. 

The bed shifted as he climb atop the sheets, faintly rustling before he got comfortable next to Nai. “I’m sorry..to bother you..I didn’t mean to..” 

Nai found Vash’s lithe body in the pitch black, managing to wrap one of his arms around his waist and the other around his torso. “Don’t apologize. Never apologize for bothering me..you’re never a bother.” Skillfully, his hands began to rub the unblemished skin, pressing deep, soothing circles into Vash’s tense body.

Vash only sniffled in response. He placed his head deep into Nai’s chest, nuzzling against the white fabric of his tunic. “Okay..I won’t..”

“Good.” Nai pressed a tender kiss to his forehead. A gesture that he had mimicked from Rem, originally only meant to calm Vash down. Now, he did it more for himself, finding pleasure in the way Vash would preen into his touch.“Now sleep. I’ll be here.”

Vash only nodded “Okay..goodnight, Nai.”

“Goodnight.”

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Four

This time, the flowers he had coughed up weren’t just petals. They were accompanied by tiny splotches of red, differing vastly from the red shade of the geraniums. One red was vibrant and pure, while the other was crimson, a shade that belonged only to the blood coursing through his veins.

For a while, Nai just stared at the blood-coated petals, still seated at his piano. He had been coughing them up for nearly a month now, but never before had he seen blood on his palms.

He was already growing sick of the color red, and now he had to see more of it?

With a disgusted scoff, Nai shook his hand rapidly, flinging the petals and blood away as if they were poisonous to the touch. He wanted nothing to do with them. At the same time though, he couldn’t exactly just brush off this issue anymore. The blood was a clear indicator that the flowers in his lungs had taken root. They were now feeding off of him, not just simply dwelling.

The sudden uptick in growth was probably due to the resurfacing of all of his past memories. Vash now consumed his every waking hour, which due to his plant nature, meant every single hour. Every tortuous minute was filled with Vash. His laughter, his smile, his wishful innocence. How he danced and how he sang. How his nose twitched if he was too excited, or how high-pitched his sneezes were. 

How he had chosen humanity over him. 

Nai suddenly struck the piano keys, causing a clashing of chords to echo throughout the room. This simple action also stained the pristine white keys with crimson red blood. His own blood; the same blood that Vash had caused to come out of him. 

He let out a deep sigh, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to suppress the memories. Perhaps if he could stop thinking about Vash, the flowers would slow in growth. Perhaps if he forgot him altogether, he could even manage to heal himself.

But Nai could never. 

For as much as these memories hurt, they also brought unimaginable joy. They inspired him. They created the energy within him to continue his mission of building a paradise. They caused him to smile to himself, most likely the only human emotion he allowed himself to show.

It was like every shared moment that he could recall was a double-edged sword. The memories brought solace, yet inflicted unbearable pain. Because on the flip side, Nai was only reminded of how soft Vash had been, and how he was supposed to protect that innocence. It was his duty as a big brother. But instead of following through with that duty, he simply crushed it, pressing his heel down on all of Vash’s hopes and dreams. 

“Nai..do you think..the humans would ever do that to us?” Vash shifted closer to Nai in bed, tangling one of his leg around Nai’s. At the same time, one of Nai’s arms had already been wrapped around him, sandwiching their bodies together.

Rem had no say in their decision to sleep with each other tonight. After the accidental discovery of Tesla, she lost all of her bartering chips against the twins. Because now, Nai outright refused to leave Vash alone, fearing what could happen if he wasn’t around. 

Clearly, the humans couldn’t be trusted.

“I don’t know, Vash..” Nai nuzzled his head into the soft pile of golden hair atop Vash’s head, basking in the sweet scent of strawberry-scented shampoo. “But I do know that I would never let them hurt you like that..I’d never let them lay a finger on you..if they do, I’ll kill them.”

“Nai..”

“You’re perfect, and I can’t ever let anything happen to you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself..I can’t live without you..I need you.”

“Nai.”

“I’d kill them. I’d–”

“Nai!”

Vash suddenly shot up from the bed, his knee pressed firmly between Nai’s legs to support his weight. His face was hovering directly over Nai’s, and his large blue eyes were filled with fear. More than that..they were filled with tears; tears that had already begun to fall and splash against Nai’s face.

“Don’t..hurt anyone..for me..okay?” A subtle tremor crept into his voice as he continued. Clearly, seeing the floating parts of Tesla had traumatized him, causing his whole entire body to shudder and crumble. “Please..promise that you won’t. I can’t stand it. I don’t think anyone has a right to hurt anyone!”

Nai could only stare up at Vash, his jade-colored irises widening in shock. Since when did Vash develop that idea? Since when did he adopt Rem’s ways of thinking? Most importantly, why? 

It didn’t matter. Nai wasn’t going to listen. Not to that human. No human would ever take priority over his dear brother.

“I can’t promise that, Vash.” 

“Why!” Vash’s voice broke once again, betraying him as it faltered. He grabbed ahold of Nai’s face, shaky hands grasping at his cheeks. “It won’t do any good. It’ll make us no better than whoever did that to her..it’ll make us the same..and you aren’t a monster, Nai..you aren’t..”

Nai frowned, reaching upwards and brushing his fingers over Vash’s cheeks. As he did so, he collected the stray tears, wiping them away tenderly. “I don’t care.” He spoke simply. “I don’t care. I’ll be a monster for you. You don’t have to kill anyone..but I can’t say that I won’t..”

“But..why..why would you..”

“Because I love you, Vash.” Nai rubbed his thumb over Vash’s reddened cheek. “And I would destroy the whole universe if it meant keeping you safe.”

One 

Two 

Three

Four 

Five

Each breath was now a laborious task. It was as if the air had turned thick and heavy, almost mirroring the heaviness in his heart. Each painful breath was also accompanied by a wheeze, and if he was unlucky, a whole coughing fit, resulting in a multitude of red geranium petals.

Nai had expected these thoughts and feelings to fade over the years, but apparently, distance had only made his heart grow fonder. Because as more and more time wore on, the weight of his unrequited love grew heavier. It became a burden, a wound that refused to heal. He yearned to be seen, to be noticed, to be loved in return, but every attempt to capture Vash’s attention felt like a futile effort. Despite that, Nai continued to love him, quietly and fiercely, accepting the unrequited nature of his passion. 

At least, that’s what he thought. 

But as he stood now, painfully hacking up full geraniums and splotches of blood, he knew that he couldn’t accept his fate. There was no use in even trying to hide it anymore. It was far too painful. 

He was going to die. Hell, he was dying.

Nai was stubborn, but he wasn’t stubborn enough to willingly die. So, doing the only thing he could think to do, he sought out help from Conrad, hoping to receive some helpful treatment ideas. But boy, he couldn’t have been more wrong. Conrad hadn’t been of any fucking use. He had basically given Nai two shitty choices. One, get Vash to love him back, or two, surgically remove the flowers within him. 

Problem with that option, though? It would remove every single feeling of romantic love for Vash he harbored. Every little inkling of it. Gone. And getting Vash to return his feelings was quite literally almost impossible. He had no idea where he was in the world. While Nai had decided to settle in July, Vash was still missing in action. He hadn’t been spotted since The Great Fall, so for all he knew Vash could be fucking dead.

God, if Nai could kill Conrad, he would absolutely have done it in that moment. He was a self-proclaimed genius. A scientist and creator, yet he couldn’t find a different way to help Nai out? 

What an asshole.

Nai saw no good option. If he decided to have the flowers removed, he would lose his last shreds of emotion, which was nearly as bad as death itself if not worse. There was no telling what Nai would do once he was no longer bound by his love for Vash. 

So, he decided to give the other option a try. It was more than a long shot, but really, what choice did he have? 

“Do it.” Nai instructed, staring ahead at the line of plants ahead of him. “He’ll hear them..and he’ll come..I’m sure of it..” 

“But killing all of these plants..” Conrad glanced around at the liquid-filled tubes. Every tube was glowing blue, an indicator that all the plants were healthy and thriving. “Isn’t that what you’re against? Isn’t that what we are trying to prevent?”

“I can’t prevent it if I’m dead! You–”

Before another word could escape his mouth, a painful shockwave shot up his throat, causing him to double over as another coughing fit began. Thankfully, the sudden fit was enough to cause Conrad to flip the switch, instantly beginning to drain the plant’s energy at an expedited speed. 

If Nai wasn’t so preoccupied with hacking up flowers, he would be more than disgusted with himself. But he just couldn’t focus on anything right now. All he could do was desperately grasp at his chest and pray that the blood and petals pooling in his throat wouldn’t block the air he was so desperately needing.

However, the coughing failed to cease, causing pure fire to begin to burn at his lungs. If he had to guess, enough flowers to fill a bouquet were occupying his bronchi, accompanied by the roots that had taken hold in his body. And if that wasn’t already enough, fresh, hot blood seeped out of the corners of his mouth, falling to the grated floor below. 

But all he could do was wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Eventually, Nai gave up hope that Vash was ever going to return, thinking that he was probably too far out in the world to hear the screams of his brethren. So, Nai considered himself a goner. There was no way he was ever allowing these flowers to be removed from his chest, and if Vash wasn’t coming right this instant, he was going to perish.

Perhaps he just had to accept his fate?

But just as he was going to force himself off the floor, a hooded figure came running in, stumbling across the grated bridge and into the red glow of the dying plants.

“Nai..?”

Nai suddenly gripped the white fabric around his chest even tighter. Even just hearing his name spoken caused more flowers to bloom, filling his chest cavity with more flowers than his rib cage could hold. At this point, it felt as if a weight was placed on his chest– A heavy, hundred-pound weight.

He couldn’t breathe, let alone respond. All he could do was let out pathetic, low wheezes, staring at Vash with a terrified expression.

“Nai..what is going on? What is wrong with you? Why are all of these plants dying!” Vash continued to approach, his boots causing a metallic echo to sound around the room. He only stopped once he was right in front of Nai, staring down at the mess that surrounded him.

Flower petals. Blood. Leaves. Even some whole geraniums had managed to escape.

“Oh my god..”

“What’s Hanahaki?” Vash questioned, glancing up at Rem with a grin. Today was a more lenient day aboard the ship. As such, they had decided to sit in the conservatory, specifically choosing to sit under the large oak tree where they usually spent their time. 

“Well..hm..Hanahaki is a disease.” Rem began to explain, mostly directing her words at Vash. She was sat in between the twins, separating them unintentionally. “Which means that it’s a bad sickness that lives inside of you. Specifically, right here..” She pointed into Vash’s chest.

Vash glanced down at the finger before looking back up at Rem. “In my heart..?”

“Hm, not quite.” Rem removed her finger. “It happens in your lungs. Where you breathe from. If you really really really love someone, but they don’t love you back, you’ll begin to cough up flower petals, usually the flower petals of the one you love.”

“Flowers? In your lungs?!” Vash’s doe eyes suddenly widened. “That sounds bad..!”

“No duh it’s bad.” Nai pitched in, his gaze still focused on the book in his lap. “You wouldn’t be able to breathe if flowers were in your lungs. You’d die.”

“What?! It can kill you?!” Vash grabbed ahold of Rem’s arm, shaking it suddenly. “You didn’t say that, Rem! Tell him he’s wrong!”

“Well..” Rem looked at Nai. “He isn’t wrong..but! You won’t ever have to experience that!” Her attention turned back to Vash. She playfully pinched his nose, letting out a giggle. “There’s no way that someone wouldn’t be able to love you!”

Maybe Rem had been right about one thing. One single thing in her whole entire life. 

Nai was unable to not love Vash. 

And god..he needed Vash. He needed him more than air. He needed him more than humans needed plants. He needed him more than the ocean needed the moon. His life was so incomplete without Vash, a living nightmare that he could never escape from. 

“Nai..are these..coming from you..?” Vash bent down in front of him, plucking up one of the in-tact geraniums. He rolled it between his fingers before staring back at Nai. “Geraniums..they’re my..favorite flower..”

Nai covered his mouth, averting his gaze. Even with how horrible things looked for him currently, he was still immensely worried about his image. Did his younger brother think he was weak? Did he think he was something that needed to be protected? 

Hell, the last thing Nai ever wanted from Vash was his pity. Nai was supposed to be the one protecting him. He was supposed to be the strong big brother. Vash was supposed to worship the ground he walked on; rely on him for anything and everything. He couldn’t afford to look helpless in front of him. Vash wouldn’t ever love him if he looked helpless. 

“It’s okay. Breathe. Breathe, please..” Vash’s voice dropped to a whisper. Two hands reached out to him, finding their way onto Nai’s shoulders. “Tell me what’s going on..”

Nai was only able to muster enough strength to swat his hands away, still coughing violently to rid the flowers from his trachea. But it was no use. Vash only placed his arms back around Nai, hugging him tightly to his chest. 

“I’m here..I’m sorry..”

Sorry?

Sorry for what, Vash?

I ruined us. 

I did this to us. 

Nai continued to choke and wheeze as the flowers in his throat desperately clawed their way out. As they continued to spill forth, they scraped up the sides of his mouth, causing even more blood to spill out down his chin. The heavy metallic taste wasn’t even foreign anymore. In fact, it was a taste he was far too used to. 

“Do you love me? Is that why you’re suffering? Is this..Hanahaki? The same kind Rem told us about?...”

Nai gritted his teeth, forcing his pitiful fit of coughs to cease momentarily. 

His love was meant to be a secret, a cherished and guarded treasure that he dared not reveal. It was a fragile thing built on the foundation of dreams and fantasies, nurtured by the echoes of Vash’s voice and the imprint of his touch. It wasn’t ever supposed to be shared. He never planned to say the words out loud.

So..how exactly did he confess a secret he never planned to share?

“Vash..” Nai rasped, his voice broken and scarred from the countless hours of coughing he had endured. 

Even if he didn’t plan on ever saying it, it didn’t mean he didn’t want to.

“Yeah..?” 

“I love you.” 

Vash nodded rapidly. “I love you too..I love you so much..I–”

“No.” Nai bit down on his lower lip, suppressing the urge to cough again. God, if only his brother wasn’t so stupid. If only he could see that Nai wasn’t in a position to explain every single little detail. Perhaps Vash should have learned more about context clues as a child instead of trailing Rem like a lost puppy. “I love you, Vash. I want to kiss you. I want to..make you mine..”

And that was all it took for all of time to stop. A simple, yet honest confession.

For a moment, Vash just stared at Nai, his eyes wide and his lips parted in shock. If this were some kind of cartoon, Nai imagined that the cogs in Vash’s brain were probably turning. Slowly, but surely, they were processing the information, taking in all of its implications. 

Yes, it meant that Nai wanted Vash all to himself. Yes, it meant that Nai had thought of Vash as more than his brother. And yes, for the love of God, Nai had imagined Vash spread out underneath him, partaking in the lewdest acts known to his teenage mind. 

Was it wrong? Sure, maybe it was. 

But could Nai stop himself?

No.

Just like Rem said.. who could stop themselves from falling in love with Vash?

Vash seemed to break out of his trance eventually, the hands-on Nai’s shoulders beginning to trail upwards to his cheeks instead. “I understand.” He stated simply, leaning in to press his forehead against Nai’s. “And like I said, I love you, too.” 

Nai’s throat clenched at the words.

Like I said, I love you, too.

Did that mean that..he meant it the first time? 

Nai swore he was about to vomit up a whole bouquet any second now. Not only had he received an honest love confession, but he had received it in such a bold, out-of-character way for Vash. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but hell, it certainly wasn’t this. If the flowers didn’t kill him, Vash’s blunt honesty certainly would. 

“Nai..” Vash whispered, brushing his nose against Nai’s. “How do I fix this..?”

Without another word, their eyes locked, heartbeats quickening in unison. Nai was caught on those gorgeous cerulean orbs; so soft and tender, yet so filled with passion and seriousness. He had been dreaming of these eyes for years at this point, but only ever in his wildest dreams did he imagine they would be staring at him like this. Like he desperately wanted him.

Like he was dying to get a taste. 

It seemed as though Vash knew exactly what needed to be done. Even if Rem hadn’t told them the cure, Vash could probably read it right of Nai’s face like a book.

Kiss me. Please, kiss me.

At least Vash understood that much. 

With trembling anticipation, Vash was the first to lean in, his lips hovering just mere centimeters away from Nai’s lips. Warm breath mixed with cold, and for a brief moment, it felt as if Nai could understand everything that was going through Vash’s head. 

How desperately he wanted this. How long he had waited. 

Without missing a beat, their lips met in a tender collision, a blend of softness and electricity shared between them. Vash didn’t even seem to mind the metallic taste of blood, nor did he mind how chapped Nai’s lips had become. He savored every moment, pulling his brother in closer every second that passed. Nai reciprocated with the same tenderness, his hands clenching at the fabric of Vash’s cape. 

It was only once their lips parted did Nai realize he could breathe again. 

“Are you okay?” Vash whispered. 

Nai exhaled, wiping his chin free of any blood that remained. “I..think..” his voice broke as he spoke. 

“Good.” Vash pressed a kiss to his forehead, one that lingered on his skin. “You should have called me sooner..though, I wish you didn’t have to do it this way..” His arms wrapped around Nai’s torso, pulling him closer to his chest. “But it’s okay..it’ll be okay now..we can figure this out. Together.” 

Together.

Nai couldn’t help but grin at that. He allowed his eyes to fall shut, melting into Vash’s touch.

“Together.”