Chapter Text
Saturday 3rd August, 2030
It was one of those rare Saturday evenings when all six of their children who were still living at home were occupied in their rooms, and Aaron and Robert were on their own on the living room sofa. They were taking advantage of this time to themselves by having a really thorough snog. It was gentle and leisurely, not leading anywhere in particular, just kissing for the sake of kissing. Aaron loved the precious moments like this, when they didn't have to temper their longing for each other's skin. Robert's beautiful big hands roamed over Aaron's body: now combing through his curly hair; now brushing a thumb over his bare forearm, textured by scars; now sliding down his side.
It was a good kiss, and a welcome intimacy among the chaos of raising their large family. At some point, Robert had ended up lying on top of Aaron in his pursuit of the maximum amount of body contact that was possible. The weight of him made Aaron feel so loved.
They had really settled into it when a fake cough interrupted them. They both started and looked up at the new arrival, then Robert rested his forehead against Aaron's shoulder and sighed. "Rose," he said flatly, while Aaron's face heated up. "Is it seven o'clock already?"
"It sure is," said Rose, sitting on the other sofa. Meanwhile, Robert climbed gracefully off Aaron, allowing him to sit up. Rose went on, "Time for you to put each other down."
Aaron had been enjoying himself, and quickly picked up a cushion to hold. He glanced at Robert and realised that he had a bit of hair sticking up, so reached over to finger-comb it into submission.
Once Aaron had finished, Robert held his hand and turned to ask Rose, "So how was your day?"
"It was alright," said Rose. "Just work. But yesterday evening me and Ash marathon-watched this, like, fantasy-detective show. It was really good."
"Wild times," said Robert drily. "For a couple in your early twenties, you don't get out much. I'd have thought you'd be out partying or something."
Rose shrugged. "We had fun. Ash doesn't really drink, anyway. I'm going out with Eshana next weekend, though."
"Papa!" came Sammy's voice from the top of the stairs. "A wheel came off the Cinderella carriage again!"
Robert patted Aaron's arm. "Duty calls," he observed, and used Aaron's knee to help him stand up. He paused to give Aaron a quick kiss before following Sammy upstairs.
Aaron watched him go, admiring the view from behind. He had zero regrets about the life they had made together, but a little more time for him and Robert to be alone would be nice too.
When Aaron looked back at Rose, he realised that she was watching him with a thoughtful frown. "What?" he asked.
Rose looked kind of unsettled. "You and pops really love each other, huh?"
Sounded like they'd freaked her out a bit, which was fair enough; no one wanted to walk in on their parents being that intimate. Still, Aaron couldn't help but smile a little. "We really do."
Rose nodded. She was still frowning. "Dad? How did you know you're gay?"
"I dunno," Aaron said reflexively, taken aback by the question. "Because I liked blokes and I didn't like girls, I guess. It took me a while to get my head 'round it but it was pretty hard to ignore in the end. Why d'you ask?"
Rose shrugged. "Just curious."
They lapsed into silence while Aaron tried to remember how to speak to people who were over the age of 18. He had never exactly been much of a talker, but with kids ranging from nearly 3 to 14, his already-rusty skills were even rustier. He tended to sit back and enjoy watching Robert and Rose talk to each other, because he didn't always know what to say to a young woman, even when that woman was his daughter.
There was one thing on his mind, though, something that he wouldn't mind discussing with someone other than Robert first, because he was pretty sure that Robert would disapprove. "So I've, erm... I've been thinking of getting a tattoo."
Rose's eyes lit up. "Cool! Where?"
"On my forearms," Aaron said, running a finger over one of them. Rose knew what the scars were - that they were from self-harm - but she didn't know any details.
"What are you going to get?" Rose asked, still sounding excited enough for Aaron to wonder if she was likely to get a tattoo herself. "Are you going for a full sleeve?"
"Probably not," Aaron answered, but before he could go into any more details, the doorbell went. Strange; they weren't expecting anyone. Flash barked a couple of times from upstairs, but wasn't tempted away from whichever of their children she was currently with, so Aaron went to open the door on his own.
On the other side of the door was a stranger: a slight woman with her eyebrows drawn down and deep shadows under her eyes. She was wearing light blue jeans and a t-shirt that was a little too big for her. There was a hole in it near the hem.
The first words out of her mouth were, "Are you Aaron or Robert?"
"No," Aaron denied instinctively. Some protective impulse was roaring in his chest. He didn't know who this woman was, and he didn't want to surrender any information before he found out.
"They said you'd be here," the woman muttered accusingly, giving Aaron a hard stare. "At the pub. I heard people talking."
Aaron noticed that she swayed slightly when she said that, as though she was a little drunk. The danger alarm in his brain kicked up a gear, but his curiosity did not lessen. Swiping his keys from their hook by the door, Aaron stepped outside into the balmy night and closed the door behind him, leaving the family safely inside.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"I want to see Bella and Hermione," said the woman.
A flash of panic. What on earth did she want with his kids? How did she know their names, but didn't know that Bella was Isaac now?
And then Aaron put it together that this was Claire, the siblings' mum. The mum who had not been in touch even once since having her kids taken away from her, right after Hermione was born, very nearly three years ago. There was no way she should be turning up at their home out of the blue, after drinking. Isaac had seen quite enough of his mum when she was drunk or high, and Aaron needed to protect him and Hermione from an unexpected encounter with her in an unpredictable state. He didn't want to keep them away from each other, but it shouldn't be happening like this. He couldn't even be sure yet that this was Claire - he hadn't seen any photos of her, and she hadn't exactly offered an ID.
Aaron fought to keep his face impassive. He just needed to get through this encounter calmly, send her away, and contact social services as soon as possible to see what was up. "What do you want with them?" he asked, faking nonchalance, as though the names were unfamiliar to him.
"They're my children," Claire said fiercely. There was tension in every slender line of her. "They still are, even after they got taken away from me. Are you hiding them? Let me see them!" She stepped forward quickly like she meant to rush past him.
"Woah, no one's hiding," Aaron said in what he hoped was a placating tone. One hand instinctively raised in a slow-down gesture, but he kept his feet planted. Diffusing a situation wasn't exactly what came naturally to him - firing it up and burning it all down was more his style - but having kids changed things. Having kids meant you didn't fight their mother on the doorstep. "It sounds like you might need to contact social services," he said, watching her warily. "I'm sure they'll help you set up a proper meeting with your kids."
"Do they control me now?" Claire demanded. "They can't keep me away from my children any more."
"No," Aaron agreed cautiously. "But I'm sure your kids will want to see you at your best."
Claire looked like she was going to start squaring up for a fight. Her chest puffed up, her arms opening to increase her apparent size.
Then she deflated again, half turning away from him and pushing her hands frantically into her dark-blond hair. The colour was identical to Isaac's. "I should've..." she muttered. "I'm so stupid . Gonna ruin everything..." Her fingers tightened in her hair until it looked painful. She screwed her eyes shut, and Aaron realised that she was younger than he had first thought - she was probably only in her mid-twenties.
"How did you get over here?" Aaron asked.
Claire sighed and let her hands drop. "Bus," she said shortly.
"Shall I walk you back to the stop?" Aaron suggested, hoping to get her away from their front door.
Claire looked up, which set her slightly off-balance, and gave him a hard stare. It was strangely accusatory. "I don't need walking anywhere; I'm not a child."
"I'm not saying you are," Aaron said, trying not to sound irritated. "It was just an idea."
"I don't need minding," Claire said.
"No," Aaron agreed, and fought to keep his voice gentle as he said, "You need to go home and contact social services to set up a proper meeting with your kids. I know it sounds stupid and unfair, but you gotta jump through their hoops to keep 'em happy, or they'll end up making it even more difficult for you."
Claire looked at him for a few more seconds, then turned and leaned back against the side of the house with her arms crossed, looking defeated and sullen. "They are here, aren't they?" she said quietly. "I know you're not gonna tell me. I get it. Even though I am their mum." It sounded like she expected him to feel guilty, but Aaron kept his face neutral. He had no qualms about lying to protect the people he loved.
"I suppose it's good," Claire went on, almost to herself, it seemed; her eyes stared into the middle distance. "But they don't need protecting from me."
"D'you know that best way of proving that?" Aaron said.
She glared at him again, and the dormant tension sparked again.
Then Claire pushed away from the wall and strode away without another word.
Aaron watched until she was out of sight before going back indoors. What would Isaac and Hermione make of their mum being back? It had been so long. Hopefully they would be pleased to see her. But what if she wanted them back? She was their mum, and as long as she could show that she could provide a safe, stable home, she could take the two of them away in an instant.
Of course, he had always known that - but knowing it wouldn't make it hurt any less to have to say goodbye for the last time.
Rose had gone from the living room, presumably upstairs to see her adopted siblings. Aaron stood idly behind the sofa, staring into nothing. He felt frozen with the uncertainty of whether to go and find Robert or wait for him to come downstairs. And what if Claire didn't get in touch with social services? What if she turned up again, drunk or worse, pushing to see her kids? Isaac and Hermione deserved better than to see their mum in that state.
But then... what if she didn't come back at all? Maybe Aaron had put her off. The thought briefly made him feel nauseated - that maybe it would be his fault if their mum never came back.
That wasn't true, though. He had been calm but firm. It was down to Claire, now. Aaron closed his eyes and pictured a deep, shimmering emerald pool as he breathed in, pictured roots growing from his feet into the earth as he breathed out. He had been recommended the breathing exercise by his counsellor a few years ago, because of a couple of panic attacks he had had, and still found it a useful tool to keep himself level-headed and grounded.
At the sound of footsteps on the stairs, Aaron looked up to see Robert on his way back down.
"Who was that?" Robert asked, tilting his head towards the door.
It took only one word for him to understand Aaron's worries, for his face to fall: "Claire."
Sunday 5th August, 2030
When Rose got home on Sunday evening, she went straight to the kitchen for a cold coke and a piece of flapjack. She had baked the flapjacks to share with her family during their beach trip the day before, but had thought ahead and stashed some at home rather than let them all disappear.
She was putting the lid back on the box when Liv walked in, looking exhausted.
"Hiya," Rose greeted her. "I take it you're not feeling any better."
"A bit," Liv said, but had to break off to cough. It went on so long that Rose got her a glass of water. When she emerged, Liv said wryly, "But yeah, not amazing."
"Sorry you couldn't come to the beach today."
"It's alright," said Liv, picking up the kettle and going to fill it. "How was it, anyway?"
"It was good. I think dad and pops have got something going on, though - they kept having these intense whispers when they thought no one was looking."
"Weird," said Liv, who had put a honey and lemon teabag in a mug and was now waiting for the kettle to finish boiling. "No weirder than usual, though."
"Ew, I didn't even tell you," Rose remembered suddenly. "When I got there yesterday, they were properly full-on snogging on the sofa."
Liv grimaced sympathetically. "They're awful, I'm so sorry. The number of times I walked in on them snogging, it's actually ridiculous."
"Eurgh, and dad like really shiftily picked up this cushion," Rose added, mimicking the way he had held it to conveniently cover his lap. "I don't even wanna think about what was going on there."
A full-body shudder travelled through Liv. "I did not need that information about my brother," she complained, and her visible discomfort was enough to overcome Rose's, and make her laugh.
"Well tough, now you've got it," she teased. "Does Auntie Liv need the brain bleach?"
"Calling me auntie makes me sound like I'm about forty ," Liv grumbled, turning to pour her tea. She added a splash of cold water from the glass that Rose had got her, so she could drink the tea straight away.
"Oh, you are in spirit," Rose joked.
"Rude."
Rose took a sip from her can. She had asked dad a question yesterday, a bit on the spur of the moment, but actually maybe Liv would be a better person to ask. "Hey, Liv? How did you know you're asexual?"
Liv shrugged. "It was probably as much about realising that other people weren't, to be honest. One day I realised that people really meant it when they talked about wanting to sleep with people, but I was just never attracted to anyone. It takes a while to get your head around it, because if you've never felt something then you don't know what it feels like, so then it's hard to be sure that you've never felt it. But from what I've heard people say about attraction, I've never experienced anything even close to it."
"But you can still think people are good-looking?" Rose asked. She thought Ash was good-looking.
"Yeah, kinda. Some people are nicer to look at to me than others, but it just doesn't, like... connect to anything else for me."
Twig came in, balancing a pile of dirty dishes in their arms. "What we talking about?"
"Sexuality," said Liv.
"Awesome, can I join in?"
"'Course," said Rose.
"So are you thinking you might be ace?" Liv asked Rose.
"I dunno," Rose admitted. "I'm not really sure what it is. I know that I have felt attracted to people before, though."
"Could be grey-ace," Twig suggested loudly, over the sound of hot water streaming into the washing-up bowl. "Or demi."
"Demi is where you can only be attracted to someone when you've already got a close emotional connection with them, right? Not just from someone's appearance."
"Right," said Twig.
"Nah, that doesn't really fit," said Rose. She had had too many celebrity crushes for that to make any sense as a way to describe herself.
"What got you thinking about it?" Liv asked curiously.
"Sorry to scar you by bringing it up again, but seeing dad and pops yesterday... Me and Ash have never been like that. I mean, we've slept together a few times, but we're never, like, desperate to rip each other's clothes off."
Liv looked worried. "But you did want to do it?"
"Oh, yeah," Rose assured her. "We both wanted to at the time. I... guess we haven't done it for a while, though."
Twig turned around, loosely crossing their arms so that soapy water dripped onto their bare feet. "So is this more of a relationship thing than a you thing? I mean, maybe you're just not that into each other."
"I love him, though," Rose protested. "Like, I really ... I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just..." She frowned, worrying about how weird what she was about to say might sound. "I don't know if I need sex to be involved."
"Maybe you just skipped to the old-married-couple bit early," Twig joked.
Rose hadn't realised how much she had been desperately suppressing so as not to mess things up with Ash, but now it was all coming out, and she worried that she would never be able to box it up again. How could she continue a relationship with someone after admitting these things to herself? "I don't even know if I feel romantic about him."
"So... you're friends?" Twig suggested, sounding a bit confused.
Rose shook her head slowly. "It's different. If Eshie suddenly moved to another country because of her job or something, I'd call and text her every day and send her photos and presents and stuff. But if Ash moved away, I'd just drop everything and follow him."
"Ohh," Liv said. "Okay, this cold is making my brain slow because I just remembered about queerplatonic relationships. Or quasiplatonic is usually what people say if neither of you are queer already."
It already sounded intriguing and Rose didn't even know what it was. "What's that mean?"
"Pretty much exactly what you just said," Liv explained. "It's like... best friends on steroids. You're not romantic, but you're each other's most important person, like, primary partners. It means different things to different people, like some people include sex or might have different agreements about whether you see people outside of each other. I think part of the whole thing is that you have a relationship that doesn't easily fit into the boxes we have to describe them but I guess basically you're like a platonic couple."
Rose turned the idea over in her mind.
"This sounds really cool, how come I've never heard of this?" Twig demanded. "I'm supposed to be the queer oracle in this house."
"I think it's better known in ace circles," said Liv. "Matt used to have one. So what do you think, Rose?"
It sounded good, but it sounded scary. Scary-good. They had already pretty much fallen into that kind of relationship without realising, and yet to label it as such would be such a huge change. How could they go on as boyfriend and girlfriend if Rose wasn't attracted to him in that way? She couldn't just not tell him. It wouldn't be right, it wouldn't be honest, and it wouldn't be fair.
How she wished she could go back to yesterday and not have this realisation that they weren't like other couples.
Maybe it wasn't just her. It couldn't be, right? They were always in sync; Ash never asked for things that were out of step with her own wants. Maybe they could talk about it and re-label their relationship, and it would all be okay.
And maybe it wouldn't.
"What if he doesn't get it?" Rose fretted. "What if he thinks I'm just breaking up with him and like... just saying things to try and make him feel better? Like when people say 'we can still be friends' even though hardly anyone keeps up with that."
"You'll just have to make sure he understands, I guess," said Twig. "And if he doesn't get it, he isn't worth it, anyway."
That only made Rose feel worse. "He is, though. He's so worth it. I mean, maybe I'm wrong and we're just a normal couple." They weren't, though. "Maybe we can just be that anyway. I can't lose him if this doesn't go well. Maybe we should just carry on as we are..."
"It's better to be honest in the long run," Twig said kindly. "You can't pretend to have feelings that you don't. That's not fair to either of you."
"I know," Rose relented. She noticed the forgotten flapjack in her hand and took a big bite, chewing resentfully. Why couldn't she have just carried on in blissful ignorance?
Though, had she been so ignorant? She had definitely worried before that it wasn't normal for a couple like them to be so infrequently intimate, even though she had never felt the need to change it. At least now she had some idea of what to do.
"So do you think you'll talk to Ash?" asked Liv.
"I don't know," said Rose, her stomach churning. "Maybe."