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it was late on a saturday. the stars shown brightly from stan’s bedroom window.
he had a bottle of alcohol in hand. what the hell was it? he didn’t know. he just knew it got him drunk.
kyle was sleeping beside him, arms and legs splayed out, half under the blanket, half out. mouth gaped open.
stan looked out the window. it was summer. summer of junior year.
summer of junior year.
this was his last summer vacation ever. next year was his last year in highschool.
senior year was next year. its 3 months away.
where did it go. his childhood slipped by in an instant. its all a blurry, colorful memory now.
his room hadn’t changed since elementary school. his room hadn’t change since elementary school his room hadn’t changed since elementary school.
stan dropped the half empty bottle of alcohol on the wooden window sill, making a loud thud in the silent house.
he gripped at his hat, and when that fell off, his hair. then he moved to his arms, digging his nails into the skin.
his breathe picked up, it was loud. water spilled out of his eyes uncontrollably.
he pressed his palms into his eyes hard, trying to control his noise level, but to no avail. kyle woke up.
“dude- dude hey. hey what happened?”
that broke the dam. he started bawling.
“i don’t know-”
stan curled forward, gripping at his face.
“i don’t know- it’s all slipping away from me”
he sobbed. he felt arms wrap around his waist.
“hey, it’s ok stan- come here”
stan curled into a ball more. his head in his lap.
he was 17. he was 17. it’s been so long since he was 9. too long, it’s drifting away too fast.
elementary school is a faded memory now.
middle school is a faded memory now.
“i don’t wanna move on- i don’t want to”
stan took a shattered inhale. kyle tightened his hold, then tried to turn stan around.
“cmon, lay down with me ok? lets just lay down.”
in their new position stan gripped at kyle’s pajamas and just cried. he was held gently by his friend.
what the hell was he gonna do after senior year? there’s no plans after that. there is nothing after that. nothing he could see.
“i wanna go back- i wanna go back so bad“
“back where, stan?”
“just back to snowball fights- and recess and being dumb- kids. i wanna be a kid again”
kyle held him tighter.
“i wish i spent more time with my mom- with my sister and my dad, my dad- before he turned into fucking”
he couldn’t describe it.
“this fucking place-
i wanna go back to when the world wasn’t turning to shit- to when everything wasn’t fucking- dying to when the higher powers didn’t take everything away-“
kyle just rubbed his back and listened.
his mom’s hair had started to turn grey, and wrinkles appeared on her body now. his dad was thinking about retirement and selling his business. everything is changing.
“i fucking hate it here- but i never wanna leave- one day i’ll move on and i’ll never see this place again and it’ll be another memory-“
stan’s fists clung to kyle’s top.
.
.
.
“im sorry, dude.”
nothing was said after that. alcohol reeked from where it spilled on his bed and carpet. he didn’t notice it. he was just held, his back was gently rubbed. stan eventually passed out, with puffy eyes and a tear stained face.
nothing was going to change. time is never going to reverse. all those missed opportunities and experiences will never be brought back again. he’s never going to be the same person again.
he was getting older.