Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Max is tired and sore. He had a minor crash in the last race — nothing major, but enough to make him sore all over. But it’s not that bad; he’s definitely had worse.

He really wants to be little and have a hot bath and go to sleep while Daddy pets his hair, but it’s late and he doesn’t want to bug Daniel. He knows from past experience he can’t be little by himself, and he definitely can’t have a bath if he’s little by himself. So he’ll just read the bunny book and remember Daniel reading it to him and then go to bed. Hopefully he’ll be less sore and sad tomorrow.

He opens the book and flips through the pages, delicately touching the kid bunny with his finger. The bunny looks so happy and peaceful, being put to bed by his daddy. Max wishes he could have that.

He flips to the last page and is surprised when a piece of paper falls out. He picks it up and reads it.

Hi darling,

I hope you’re reading this because you just want to look at the pretty pictures. But if you’re reading it because you need a hug or a friendly voice, please call me.

Big or little, day or night, you can always call me.

Daddy loves you

Max stares at the note. How long had it been in there? And how had Daniel known that Max would so desperately wish he could call him?

Big or little, day or night, you can always call me.

Max picks up his phone and calls.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Daniel.”

“Max! How are you feeling after that crash? You’ve gotta be sore.”

“It’s not so bad.”

“Sure.” Daniel does not sound convinced. “Why are you calling?”

Max is silent.

“Max?”

“I found your note,” he blurts out.

“My note—ah, in the bunny book?”

“Yeah.”

“And you called! Darling, I’m so proud of you!”

“You are?”

“Absolutely. What do you want?”

Max can’t ask for what he wants, but he doesn’t know what else to say. He’s silent for long enough that Daniel starts talking again.

“Too big of a question, huh? Okay, do you want to be big or little?”

“Little,” Max whispers.

“Okay, your place or mine?”

“Really?”

“Of course. You just want a hug from your Daddy after that crash, don’t you?”

“Yes.” Max can’t get his voice above a whisper.

“Do you want anything else? There are no wrong answers, darling.”

“A bath?”

“Oh, good idea. You must be sore. I’ve got all your bath stuff here, if you want to come over.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Max. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay.”

Max arrives at Daniel’s place, carrying a bag with Kanga, Roo, and Mousie in it.

“Come in!” Daniel hugs Max gently and Max relaxes, then can’t help wincing as his sore muscles object. “Ouch, you are sore. Have you taken your pain meds?”

“No.”

“Right. Can you tell me why?”

“They’ll make me soft.”

“Okay. Who said that?”

Max stares at the ground. “My dad.”

“Uh huh. What did your trainer say?”

“To take them if I hurt.”

“And do you hurt?”

“I’ve had worse.”

“Okay, ignoring past times, do you hurt right now?”

Max keeps staring at the ground and nods.

“So why don’t you take one, darling?”

“I don’t like how they make me feel.”

“Can you elaborate?”

“They make me fuzzy and emotional and then people laugh at me.”

“Alright. Max, have you talked to Brad about different pain meds? Ones that don’t affect you the same way?”

“There are different pain meds?”

“Yeah, there are lots of options. Why don’t you talk to Brad and see if you can find some that you’re okay with taking that don’t make you fuzzy? But for right now, do you think you’d be okay taking your current meds around me? I promise I’ll never laugh at you.”

“Okay,” Max says in a tiny voice. He’d love to stop hurting and Daniel’s never laughed at him.

“Good. Have you eaten?”

“I wasn’t hungry.” Max cringes, waiting for Daniel to lecture him about taking better care of himself.

“Okay. I have dinner; would you like some?”

Max blinks. “You’re not going to tell me I should take better care of myself?”

“Darling, no. I know you’re doing the best you can and you called me for help today. I’m so proud of you.”

“Only because of your note.”

“Whatever the reason. Good job.”

“Oh.”

“So, pain meds now, you get little, then dinner, a bath, and bed?”

Max doesn’t like the order, but he doesn’t want to tell Daniel.

Daniel tilts his head. “Something in there wasn’t good. Can you tell me what it was?”

“…I don’t want little me to be in pain.”

Daniel smiles. “Aww Max, thank you for looking after little you. Okay, how about pain meds, dinner, you get little whenever the meds kick in, then a bath and bed?”

“Alright.”

Max goes back to his apartment to get the pain meds while Daniel gets dinner ready. Max takes two pills out of the package and stares at them. He’d usually only take one at most because he knows he gets ridiculous, but he’s really, really sore. And Daniel promised he wouldn’t laugh at him.

He thinks about the last time he took strong painkillers outside of a hospital setting and stares at the pills in his hand. He can’t do it. He calls Daniel.

“Max? Is everything okay?”

“You promise you won’t laugh at me? Even if I cry?”

There’s a beat of silence. “No, darling. I won’t laugh at you no matter what you do.”

“And you won’t make me cry and then laugh at me?” Max whispers.

Another silence and then Daniel’s voice is very even. “Darling, I’ll never try to make you cry and I would never laugh at you for crying. Can you come back here as soon as you take your pills so I can give you a hug, please?”

Max stares at the pills some more.

“Or you can bring them here and I can hug you and you can take them then.”

“That.”

“Alright, I’ll see you right away.”

Daniel hangs up and has to stop himself from punching a wall. Fucking Jos. But he doesn’t want to have to explain bruised knuckles to Max, big or little. He takes some deep breaths, in through his nose and out through his mouth, and reins in his anger. It’s not helpful right now. Right now he can focus on Max and give him a much much better experience of getting pain relief than he’s had before. Daniel already knew he’d be doing that, but didn’t realize quite how low the bar he had to clear was.

He grabs a glass of water and puts it next to the couch and finishes heating up the leftover pasta from his own dinner. He puts most of it on Max’s plate and makes a small plate for himself. He knows Max will feel better if he’s not eating alone.

The door opens and Max comes in. Daniel carries the food to the couch on the way to the door. He opens his arms and Max steps into them without a word.

“I’m so proud of you for calling just now. Can you come sit on the couch with me and you can take your meds if you want to?”

Max nods, so he leads Max to the couch and sits down. Max curls against him and Daniel can tell he’s in pain. Daniel offers him the glass of water. “Please take your meds, darling? I just want you to stop hurting.”

Max takes the water and swallows the meds in his hand.

“I’m so proud of you," Daniel says. “Thank you for being kind to yourself. I promise I’ll be kind to you too.”

Max leans into him and Daniel gently hugs him until he pulls away.

“Dinner time?” Daniel asks.

“Yes, please.”

Daniel hands the big plate and a fork to Max, then picks up his own fork to start eating. Daniel talks about his day, matching Max’s speed at clearing his plate. By the time Max’s is empty, Daniel can feel that he’s a lot more relaxed against him. “How are you feeling, darling?”

“It hurts less. …Can I be little now?”

“Of course, Maxy.”

Daniel expects it to take longer, but between the pain meds and the delay in being little, he can see Max fall into little Max immediately.

“Daddy! Can I have a bath now? Can Mousie come too?”

“Yes, darling, you can have a bath now. Sorry, but Mousie will have to watch from the counter. He doesn’t want to get all wet.”

Maxy looks sad, then perks up. “Can Kanga and Roo come?”

“Sorry, they can’t. But they can keep Mousie company, okay?”

Maxy looks devastated. “But I’ll miss them!” he wails.

Ah, this is what Max meant by ‘emotional’. But Daniel can’t imagine ever wanting to poke at him, to intentionally make him cry. He wants to wrap Maxy up in a hug and protect him from ever being sad again. “They’ll be right there, just waiting for you to get out. And Daddy will be there too, don’t worry.”

Maxy looks up at him with huge, tear-filled eyes. “Can Daddy come in the bath with Maxy?”

Finally, something Daniel can say yes to. “Of course, sweetheart.”

Maxy grins, delighted. “Yay!!” He jumps up and runs to the bathroom.

Daniel hurries to the bedroom and changes into his swim trunks, then joins Maxy in the bathroom. Maxy is sitting fully clothed in the empty tub with Kanga, Roo, and Mousie carefully seated on the edge.

“Daddy’s wearing a swimsuit?”

“Yeah. But you don’t have to wear one.”

“Okay.”

“Can you get out of the tub so Daddy can help you take your clothes off and fill up the tub with water?” He sees Maxy start to jump up. “But slowly, darling – the tub is slippery!”

Maxy sits back down. “Daddy helps Maxy?” he asks, holding out his hands.

“Of course! Thank you for asking.”

Daniel helps Maxy out of the tub and places Kanga, Roo, and Mousie on the counter so they’ll be able to keep an eye on Maxy. He turns on the taps and turns back to Maxy. “Okay, clothes off time!”

Daniel helps Maxy take his clothes off, hiding his hiss at the bruising that’s uncovered, especially the places the seatbelts dug in.

Maxy pokes a bruise and cries out. “Daddy, it hurts!”

“I know, sweetheart. Don’t poke them, okay? Do you want to get in the bath? It will help you feel better.”

“Okay.”

Daniel helps Maxy into the tub and sits behind him. Maxy leans into Daniel’s hold, and Daniel can feel his muscles relaxing in the hot water.

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Maxy loves Daddy this much!” He holds his arms over the sides of the tub to show Daniel how much.

“That much! Wow! Guess what, darling?”

“What?”

“That’s how much Daddy loves you too.”

Maxy turns to look at him with giant eyes. “You do??”

“I do.”

“Wow.”

Maxy settles for a while, then pulls Daniel’s hand out of the water and traces the rose tattoo.

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Did this hurt?”

“A bit.”

“Could Maxy get one?”

“If you want. But you’d have to be all grown up.”

“Oh.”

Maxy is quiet for a little while.

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Daniel smiles and kisses the top of Maxy’s head. This unfiltered version of Maxy makes his heart clench. “I love you too, Maxy.”

Maxy settles back against him. They sit for a while, then Maxy runs his hand through the water and twists to stare at Daniel. “Daddy!” Maxy’s voice is panicked and his eyes are filled with tears.

“What’s wrong, darling?”

“Does the water in the bathtub miss the ocean?”

Daniel clamps down hard on the desire to smile. “No, sweetheart. It gets to go on fun adventures and then it gets to tell the ocean all about them.”

Maxy looks less distressed. “So it’s happy?”

“Yes. It will get to tell the ocean a wonderful story of when it gave Maxy and Daddy a bath.”

“Oh.” Maxy turns back so he’s leaning against Daniel again and pats the water. “I’m glad you’re happy, water.” Maxy rolls his head back so it rests against Daniel’s shoulder, then stretches up and kisses Daniel’s cheek.

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Maxy loves you more than Mousie.”

“More than you love Mousie??”

Maxy squirms, looking over at Mousie.

“What about the same as Mousie?” Daniel offers.

“The same as Mousie!” Maxy is delighted with this compromise, splashing his hands in the water. Water splashes in Daniel’s face, and Maxy stops splashing. “Sorry, Daddy.” He tries to wipe the water off with his wet hands, getting Daniel’s face even wetter.

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” Daniel takes Maxy’s hands and holds them, and Maxy curls further into Daniel.

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Do you love Maxy?”

“So much, darling. More than all the water in all the oceans.”

Maxy stares at him. “That’s so much!”

“Well, that’s how much I love my Maxy.”

“Wow.” Maxy curls into him and closes his eyes. “Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sleepy.”

“Time to get out of the bath?”

Maxy nods.

“Okay, darling. Let Daddy help you, okay?”

“Okay.”

Daniel supports Maxy as he gets out of the tub. He can tell Maxy is even wobblier than he usually is when he’s little. Daniel grabs a towel and wraps it around Maxy, keeping one hand on him the whole time.

“Can you sit on the toilet lid while you dry off, Maxy?”

Maxy sits down, and Daniel lets the water out of the tub and grabs a towel for himself.

Maxy waves at the draining water. “Bye-bye water! Have fun telling the ocean about Daddy and Maxy!”

Daniel ruffles his hair. “You’re so sweet, darling.”

Maxy grins at him and pushes his head into Daniel’s hand. Daniel stands there for a minute, petting Maxy’s damp hair.

“Okay, are you ready for bed?”

“We have to brush our teeth, Daddy!”

Daniel was planning on letting that slide tonight, but he can’t disappoint Maxy.

“Alright, darling. Can you stand at the sink?”

Daniel helps Maxy up, balances him at the sink, and brushes his teeth. “There you go, Maxy; all clean!”

Maxy grins at his reflection, showing off his teeth. “You have to brush your teeth too, Daddy!”

So Daniel dutifully brushes his teeth as well, keeping Maxy balanced against him.

“Do you need to use the bathroom?”

Maxy nods.

Daniel isn’t comfortable with leaving Maxy by himself, as wobbly as he is. “Do you want Daddy’s help?”

Maxy nods again, so Daniel unwraps him from the towel and helps him sit on the toilet.

Maxy uses the toilet and wipes himself. Daniel helps him stand up and wash and dry his hands.

“Alright, darling. Let’s get you dressed.”

He leads Maxy into the bedroom, making sure to grab Kanga on the way, and helps him put on his pajamas. He helps Maxy into bed and puts Kanga in his arms.

“Darling, Daddy has to use the bathroom. Can you stay here and wait for me? I’ll be right back.”

Maxy nods, eyes mostly closed. Daniel sings as he heads to the bathroom so Maxy can track where he is. He finds that keeps Maxy more relaxed when Daniel has to leave his presence.

Daniel uses the bathroom and changes into pajamas, then comes out of the bathroom and smiles. Maxy is asleep with Kanga in his arms, his thumb in his mouth.

Daniel carefully slides into bed beside him, and Maxy stirs a little.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, Maxy. Daddy’s here.”

Maxy keeps shifting, so Daniel slides closer to press against Maxy’s back. He doesn’t want to put his arms around Maxy and accidentally push on the bruises, but he knows Maxy likes him to stay close. “Shhh, it’s okay. Go to sleep, sweetheart.” Daniel starts to hum and Maxy stops shifting and relaxes, leaning more into Daniel.

When Maxy is fully asleep, Daniel closes his eyes and joins him.

Max wakes up and feels better than he has since the crash. Before, all his muscles were clenched so tightly against the pain that they almost hurt more than the bruises themselves. Now it’s individual healing aches, not whole body pain.

Daniel is still sleeping beside him, so Max quietly slips out of bed. He can make breakfast as a thank you.

Daniel comes out of the bedroom just as Max is putting the food on the table. “Smells delicious, Max.”

“The least I can do after how nice you were yesterday.”

Daniel looks at him. “Hey, I love breakfast, but there’s no repayment necessary for what we do.”

Max looks at the ground. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay. You’re working on understanding that; I know. I’m so happy that you called and came over. I’m so proud of you, Max.”

Max glances at him. Daniel looks completely sincere.

“Can I get a hug?” Max tenses as soon as he asks. He knows in his head that Daniel won’t tell him no, but he still kind of expects it.

“Of course.” Daniel steps into Max’s space and gently wraps his arms around him, still mindful of his bruises. Max hugs him back and they stand there a while, Daniel seemingly in no rush to end the hug.

Finally, Max pulls away. “Breakfast?” His voice is a bit rough, but he ignores that.

“Of course.”

They dig into their meals, eggs and porridge for both of them.

Halfway through, Max stares at his food and tries to speak casually. “Thanks for not making fun of me yesterday.”

Daniel looks at him. “Max, you were so sweet, and you were in less pain. I would never make fun of you for that.”

Max meets his gaze. “I think I’m starting to believe that.”

Daniel smiles. “I’m glad.”

They finish breakfast and Daniel washes the dishes while Max dries. Max steps into Daniel’s space a few times to lean against him for a second, then steps away. After the fourth time, Daniel drains the sink and puts the final dish in the rack for it to dry instead of passing it to Max. “Do you want to come sit with me on the couch?”

Max nods and Daniel leads him to the couch and sits down, leaning against the side. Max sits down beside him and Daniel tugs on him gently. “You can come closer if you want, Max.” Max slides closer to Daniel and Daniel wraps his arms around him.

“Ah, this is nice,” Daniel says. “I missed our morning cuddle.”

Max pulls away and glares at him. “How do you do that??”

“How do I do what?” Daniel’s voice is calm.

“That! ‘I missed our morning cuddle.’”

“I did miss it — I like our morning-after-you’re-little debrief cuddles.”

“But how do you make everything so positive? I’m clearly being weird right now, and you just say you missed our cuddle. And yesterday, you didn't just not laugh at me, you made me feel good, even when I was so emotional. Like, you made me crying over whether the water missed the ocean a positive experience! Why didn’t you just say, ‘water doesn’t have feelings’?”

Max realizes he’s almost yelling, but Daniel’s face remains calm. Daniel slowly reaches out and offers Max his hand. Max takes it and Daniel gently squeezes his hand.

“And—”

Max can see that Daniel’s waiting for him to finish his sentence, but Max can’t.

“And, darling?”

“And, everytime I said I loved you, you said it back,” Max whispers.

Daniel squeezes his hand. “Can I hug you?”

Max nods and Daniel pulls Max back against him and strokes his back.

“Max, what were you expecting yesterday after you took your meds? You knew I wouldn’t laugh at you or make you cry, but it sounds like you were hoping for a neutral experience at best.”

Max nods into Daniel’s chest. “I’m sorry for not trusting you more,” Max whispers. “I should have known better. I’ve had enough experiences with you to know that you’d make it good.”

Daniel hugs him. “Oh darling, you were so brave yesterday if that’s what you were expecting. We’ll teach your subconscious that it can hope for good things, okay? It will just take time, but we’ve got lots of that.”

“You’re doing it again," Max says into Daniel's shirt.

“Making things positive?”

Max nods.

“What can I say; I’m a positive guy. But Max, I didn't lie to you.”

“Water has feelings?”

“For little Max, it does, and it upset him. And who am I to say he’s wrong? Maybe the bathwater will have a lovely time telling the ocean about its adventures.”

Max doesn’t have an answer for that. “You love Maxy more than all the water in all the oceans?"

“Yeah?”

“But—really?”

“Hey, if little Max can love Daddy as much as he loves Mousie, then I think all the water in the ocean is a small comparison to that.”

“But—like that! It’s a stuffed animal! You’re not supposed to love them the same as you love people! Why doesn’t that upset you?”

“Darling, it’s Mousie. I’m honoured to be in the same tier.”

Max laughs in disbelief and shakes his head.

“Are you actually upset about me being positive, or are you still just working on accepting it?”

“...The second one,” Max says quietly.

“Good. Because you deserve so much positivity in your life, so I’m going to keep doing it.”

Max rests his head on Daniel’s chest and closes his eyes. “I missed our morning cuddle too,” he whispers, half-hoping Daniel won’t hear.

Daniel’s hand strokes over his back. “We got here eventually, darling.”

Max approaches Brad the next time they’re at the track and asks if he could maybe try some different pain meds when he needs them, because the current ones make him fuzzy.

“Of course. Is that why you don’t like taking them?”

Max nods, bracing for a lecture.

“Okay, then we can absolutely try different ones. Is there anything else you want to change?”

Max shakes his head, bewildered.

“Thanks for telling me, Max. Let me know if there’s anything else in the future, okay? I’m here to support you, so please let me know if I can do it better.”

Max nods and escapes. He’s not sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t that friendly, supportive conversation.

He tells Daniel about it later, and Daniel tells him he’s proud of him for talking to Brad.

The next time he sees Brad, he tells him he doesn’t prefer one of the smoothie flavours, and Brad thanks Max for telling him and gives him a different flavour.

He tells Daniel later, and Daniel laughs. “Of course he did. He just wants to help you be your best, which includes things like not forcing yourself to drink smoothie flavours you don’t like.”

“But I can drink them!”

“I know that, and so does Brad. But you don’t have to.”

“And you think Brad will be okay with that?”

“Absolutely. He’d be unhappy if he found out you were forcing yourself to do something you didn’t have to just because you didn’t want to tell him you don’t like it. He wants you to tell him things like that, Max. There are enough unpleasant things you already have to do for training – why add to that?”

Max shares his preferences a few more times with Brad, and Brad thanks him each time, and the flavours Max hates disappear. Brad eventually mentions that he doesn’t know what’s gotten into Max, but that he’s very glad that Max feels comfortable sharing his opinions.

Max shuffles his feet and thanks Brad for listening to him, and Brad pulls him into a gentle hug.

“Of course, Max.”

Chapter Text

Max has just been having a bad day. Nothing in particular is wrong, but he’s grouchy and irritated, and the mean voice in his head seems a lot louder than usual.

The final straw is a call from his dad. It isn’t even bad! But Max is on edge the whole time, waiting for him to say something negative. When he hangs up, he decides he’ll go read the bunny book and try to remind himself that Daniel supports him, even when his own brain doesn’t.

Max opens the bunny book and flips to the back. He’ll read Daniel’s note again. But he won’t call; he doesn’t want to overdo it. And Daniel was so nice about it last time. Max wants to keep that memory happy.

Max finds the note, but stares in confusion when it’s not the same.

Hello again darling,

If you’re reading this and thinking “oh, but I called last time,” that’s okay. You can always call again.

I was so happy to get your call last time. Please call me again.

Daddy loves you.

The note gets blurry as tears fill Max’s eyes. He picks up his phone and hits Daniel’s contact before he can talk himself out of it.

“Max?”

Max tries to answer, but the lump in his throat stops him.

“Max, are you okay?”

“Yes,” he chokes out. “You wrote such a nice note.”

“Ah. Do you want to come over here or do you want me to come over?”

“But—you did last time!”

“And I’ll do it every time I’m available. Your place or mine, Max?”

“But I don’t even want to be little!”

“Do you want a hug?”

Max is silent.

“I’m going to take your silence as a yes. I’m always happy to give adult you a hug too. So, your place or mine?”

“Mine?”

“Sounds good. I’ll be there in half an hour?”

“Okay.”

Max sits on the floor with the bunny book and tries to convince himself he’s not weak for calling Daniel, that Daniel really meant it when he said Max should call. The mean voice in his head that sounds a lot like his father isn’t convinced, but Max stares at Daniel’s note and tries to block it out.

Daniel knocks on the door, and when Max opens it, his hands are filled with bags that smell delicious.

“Hi, Max. Have you eaten yet?”

Max shakes his head. God, he can’t even remember to eat.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Max stares down at the ground and jumps a bit when there’s a thump and Daniel’s arms come around him. He realizes the thump was just Daniel putting the bags down and that Daniel's just giving him a hug. He takes a deep breath and leans into Daniel, letting Daniel take some of his weight.

Daniel rubs his back. “Okay, darling, is anything physically wrong?”

Max shakes his head into Daniel's neck. “No. Just a stupid bad day.”

“I’m sorry. Those days suck. Alright, we’re going to eat some food, because low blood sugar never helps anything, and then we’re going to watch movies until we fall asleep. Does that work for you?”

“But—I’m not little. You don't have to be here.”

“Max, I’m also your friend. And we can always use a friend.”

“Oh.”

“So, what do you think of that plan?”

“You’ll really stay even though I’m not little?”

“Of course. Come on, let’s eat.”

Daniel makes sure Max is steady on his feet before he leads Max to the couch and pulls out the food. Max recognizes the meal from his favourite restaurant, a tiny hole in the wall Italian restaurant that Max knows doesn’t deliver. Daniel must have gone there as soon as his call with Max ended.

“Oh, you didn’t—”

Daniel cuts him off. “Max, if a friend called you having a bad day, and you knew some food that would cheer them up, wouldn’t you get it for them?”

Max hesitates, then nods.

“So…”

Max looks at the food and leans into Daniel. “Thank you.”

Daniel’s arm comes around him. “You’re welcome. Now, let’s eat.”

Daniel puts on a nature documentary that Max has seen before and they dig into the food. It's as delicious as it always is, and warms Max from the inside out.

When Max is done eating, he leans into Daniel’s side again and Daniel puts his arm around him. Max tries to focus on the show, but he’s full and comfortable and Daniel is warm beside him.

“Here, Max, lie down and you’ll be more comfortable.” Daniel guides him down so Max is lying with his legs on the couch and his head in Daniel’s lap. Daniel strokes Max’s hair and Max closes his eyes.

Max wakes up when Daniel shakes him gently.

“Wha—”

“Come on, time to go to bed.”

Max turns his head and hides his face in Daniel’s shirt. “Don’t wanna.”

Daniel strokes his hand through Max’s hair. “Come on, you’ll be more comfortable there.”

Max doesn’t see how that’s possible. Daniel won’t be there.

Daniel keeps petting his hair, so Max closes his eyes and dozes off again.

He wakes again to gentle shaking. Apparently Daniel is going to insist on Max going to bed.

“What?” Max is aware he sounds like a petulant child, but he’s so comfortable.

“Can I carry you to bed?”

“Oh, I can get up,” he mumbles into Daniel’s shirt.

Daniel strokes his shoulder. “I know you can, darling, but this way you wouldn’t have to wake up as much.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Daniel slides out from under Max and puts his arms under Max’s knees and back. “You just stay mostly asleep, okay? I’ve got you.”

Max closes his eyes again and Daniel carries him into the bedroom and lays him down on the bed. Max is still wearing his clothes and squirms. “Daniel, I am not more comfortable.”

Daniel laughs, but it’s not a mean laugh. “Can I take off your pants and shirt?”

Max nods and sleepily lifts his body to help Daniel. Daniel covers Max with the blanket and Max pulls it around himself and rolls so he’s facing away from Daniel. He doesn’t want Daniel to see his face when he leaves.

He hears Daniel walking across the room and the door clicks shut. But then there are footsteps in the room, and the bed dips from Daniel kneeling on it.

“Wha—”

“Is it okay if I stay?”

Max rolls over and wraps his hands around Daniel’s knee. “Yes.”

Daniel laughs softly and pulls free from Max to take off his shirt and pants. He slides under the covers and wraps his arms around Max, who cuddles closer and relaxes into Daniel’s embrace.

“Night, Daniel,” Max whispers.

“Good night, Max. Sleep well, darling.”

Max wakes up and Daniel’s still there, sleeping beside him.

Max slips out of bed and goes to use the bathroom. When he comes back, Daniel is awake. Max stands there awkwardly for a second before Daniel pats the space next to him.

“Come lie down again, if you want.”

Max climbs back into bed, lying down with his head on his own pillow.

Daniel looks at the space between them. “You’re welcome to stay there, but you can come closer if you’d like.”

Max slides over until he’s closer to Daniel, then glances at him.

“Come here, Max.”

Max slides over the rest of the way and rests his head on Daniel’s chest.

Daniel pets his hair. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. I think today will be good.”

“I’m glad. And I’m very happy you called yesterday. You don’t have to be little or want to be little to call me. I like hanging out with adult you too.”

“Oh. I’m glad. I like hanging out with you too.”

“I’m happy to hear that, darling.”

Max thinks about the night before and shakes his head. “I can’t believe you actually carried me to bed yesterday. I could have walked!”

Daniel laughs and ruffles his hair. “You were so grumpy about having to wake up; I couldn’t make you walk to bed when I could carry you. Were you okay with being carried?”

“Of course. You asked last night, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember. Good. On a similar note, we didn’t really discuss it yesterday; are you okay with us going to sleep in the same bed when you’re an adult?”

Max cringes. Why is Daniel asking all these questions about things Max was so pleased with? “I’m sorry. I could have slept alone yesterday. You didn’t have to stay.”

Daniel shakes his head. “Hey, no! I’m glad I stayed last night and I’m enjoying this morning. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with everything too. I thought you wanted me to stay yesterday, but you were mostly asleep, so I had to check again today.”

“Oh. So it’s not bad?”

“No, darling. I just want to make sure we don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“Oh.” Max ducks his head so Daniel can’t see him. “I was really happy you stayed yesterday,” he whispers.

Daniel strokes his hand over Max’s back. “Is that why you rolled away? You didn’t want to see me leave?”

Max laughs a bit self-deprecatingly. “I didn’t want you to see my face when you left.”

Daniel squeezes his arm. “Well, good thing I didn’t leave then.”

Max smiles and curls more into Daniel. “Yeah, good thing.”

Chapter Text

Max looks at the date on his phone and blinks. He’s pretty sure—he checks back on his calendar—yup, it’s the day he got Mousie. He’s never done anything to celebrate it, but he didn’t have Daniel before. He wishes he had realized earlier and told Daniel about it; he thinks Daniel would have made it fun. Maybe next year.

He checks the bunny book. He suspects Daniel has left a new note, and he wants to read it for the smile.

Hi darling,

I hope you’re just checking the book now to see if I’ve left a new note. If that’s the case, hi!

But if it’s not and you want to call me, please pick up the phone. You’re never bugging me.

Daddy loves you.

P.S. Please read the back of this note.

Just like he thought, the note makes him smile. He’s not going to call because he doesn’t want to bug Daniel too often, but it was sure nice of him to write it. He flips over the page.

Darling, if you just thought about calling and then decided you’ve called too often, you haven’t. Please call me. I love hearing from you, no matter why.

Max should really be getting used to tearing up when he reads Daniel’s notes.

This time he waits to call until he can talk again.

“Max?”

“How did you know I would decide not to call after reading the front of your note?”

Daniel laughs softly. “Because you’re not great at letting yourself do things you want and you really don’t like asking other people for stuff, even when you’re explicitly told it’s okay.”

“Oh.”

“But you called me, Max! Whatever convinced you to do it, I’m so proud of you.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Thank you for giving yourself what you wanted.”

“Oh.”

“Okay, I’m out right now but should be home in like two hours and can come over then. Is that early enough?”

“Oh no, you’re busy and I’m interrupting your day! I’m sorry!”

“Max, can you repeat after me? ‘I’m important and my needs matter.’”

“Daniel.”

“Please, Max?”

“I’m important and my needs matter.” He says it as quickly as possible, squishing all the words together.

“Thank you. So I’ll be over in two hours?”

“But it’s such a stupid reason!”

“How about you tell me and let me decide for myself?”

“It’s Mousie’s birthday and the first time I was little today.”

“Happy birthday Mousie! And little Max! That’s so exciting! Of course I’ll come over. Do you have a cake?”

“What? No!”

“Alright, I’ll pick one up.”

“But…”

“Max, do you want to celebrate Mousie's and little Max's birthdays with me?”

"Yes," Max whispers.

“Sounds good. I’ll see you in two hours.”

With that, Daniel hangs up, and Max is left staring at the phone. He has a feeling he’s going to get to be little today.

Daniel said it was Maxy's birthday. Max has never really thought about it, because celebrating a birthday by himself would have just been depressing—especially as Maxy—so the day he found Mousie and that Maxy first appeared always passed without any fanfare. But Daniel said it was Maxy's birthday and that he’d get a cake, like he thought it was worth celebrating.

Max shakes himself and goes to do the stuff adult him has to get done today. He smiles. It’s Maxy's birthday today.

As the two hours goes by, Max gets more stressed. He’s never celebrated a birthday for Maxy before. Should he provide food? Or will Daniel take care of that? What about activities? It seems presumptuous to expect Daniel to do everything, especially with such short notice.

He texts Daniel Should I get food? and is relieved when Daniel texts back immediately with No, I’ve got everything under control. Don’t worry about anything.

Max takes a deep breath. This is just an ordinary day with Daniel. On Maxy’s birthday. Max takes another deep breath and tries to focus on his adult tasks.

When Daniel finally knocks, Max opens the door immediately.

Daniel’s hands are empty. Max tries not to look disappointed that he doesn’t have the cake he said he’d bring. Maybe Daniel didn’t have time. Or forgot. But that’s okay. It’s not a real birthday anyway.

“Hi! You didn’t have to come. It’s not important.”

“Max, it’s little you’s birthday today. Of course it’s important. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I'm sorry. I never thought of it as being little me’s birthday today. I just saw the date today and realized it was when I got Mousie. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to not tell you.”

“That's okay. I'm just glad you told me when you realized it. Do you want to be little or big when you come to my place?”

“Your place? Why?”

“I couldn’t kick you out of your own place to set up the birthday decorations, could I?”

Max realizes why Daniel isn’t carrying anything. Maybe there is a cake! Wait, Daniel said decorations. Like plural.

“Decorations? I thought you said you’d maybe get a cake?”

Daniel looks apologetic. “And then I showed up without one, didn’t I? I’m sorry. Of course there’s a cake. It’s at my place. Along with some other stuff.”

Max feels a bit overwhelmed. There is a cake. Daniel didn’t forget. But Daniel said “decorations.” Like he did more than just pick up a cake at the bakery. Max shakes his head at himself. A moment ago he was disappointed that Daniel hadn’t gotten a cake, and now he’s upset that Daniel did more. Maybe if he stays big when he first sees what Daniel has done he can behave normally about the whole thing and Daniel won’t think he’s weird for overreacting to a few decorations.

“Can I be big first? Is that okay?”

“Of course. You’ve got Kanga, Roo, and Mousie? Can’t forget Mousie; it’s his birthday too!”

Max nods, still feeling overwhelmed.

Daniel lets go of him and takes a few steps towards the door. He turns back and looks at Max, and immediately walks back to embrace him.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Max leans into Daniel's hug. “Yeah. I’ve just…I’ve never had a birthday for Maxy or Mousie before.”

“Ah, so I’m moving a bit fast, aren’t I?”

“No. Just—okay, maybe.”

“It's okay,” Daniel says.

Max nods into his shoulder.

“We’re going to have a great birthday party and we’re going to celebrate little you and Mousie. And if what I’ve done at my place is too much, then we’ll come right back here and celebrate without any of the decorations. The point is to celebrate little you and Mousie; the decorations are just there for fun.”

Max nods again and Daniel strokes his back.

“I just want you to be happy, okay?”

“Okay.” He stays in Daniel’s hug for a bit longer. “Can we go to your place now?”

“Of course.”

At the door to his flat, Daniel pauses. “Okay, it’s mostly in the living room, so can I lead you in with your eyes closed so you get the full effect?”

“Okay,” Max says, a bit nervously.

Max kicks off his shoes and shuts his eyes when he gets inside Daniel’s place and Daniel steers him into the living room.

“Alright, open your eyes.”

Max opens his eyes and gasps.

There are colourful balloons everywhere, tied in bunches and in a huge arch over a Happy Birthday banner on one wall. Brightly coloured streamers adorn the other walls. The table is covered with a cheerful tablecloth and colourful plates, cups and napkins. And—Max walks closer—a cake with the words “Happy Birthday Maxy and Mousie!!” written on it. There are a bunch of toothpicks surrounding the words, all with different flags on them. Max recognizes a lot of the flags as the ones Daniel has seen Maxy draw from the flag book.

He turns around to face Daniel. “How? You only had 2 hours!”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s so much! You didn’t have to do it.”

“Do you like it?”

Max looks around at the explosion of birthday stuff. Maxy is going to love it. Max can’t believe that Daniel did all this for him. “Yeah,” he says quietly.

“Then I’m glad I did it.”

“How did you even get everything done so quickly?”

“You can sure get a lot when you offer way more than their normal prices.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to!”

Daniel steps forward and takes his hands. “Max, we both know I’m doing perfectly fine on the money front. They were happy and I was happy and now you’re happy, so everyone wins. I’m delighted to spend money on this if it makes you happy.”

Max pulls Daniel in for a hug.

Daniel’s startled for a second, then hugs back. “If you like it, just imagine what little Max will say.”

“He’s going to love it. How did you get the flags for the cake? You can’t tell me the birthday place had them.”

“No, I picked them up a while ago. I knew I had a little boy who loves flags, so I thought I could use them sooner or later.”

Max hugs him again. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, darling. By the way, if I missed any countries you want, I have the rest in a box. I ran out of room on the cake.”

Max laughs and Daniel squeezes him.

“Okay, there are a few more things. Do you want to see them, or do you want them to be surprises for little Max?”

“Can I see them?”

“Of course.”

Daniel pulls some birthday hats off a side table. “Hats for us and”—he reaches into the hats and pulls out two smaller hats and a tiny hat—“hats for Kanga, Roo, and Mousie.”

Max feels tears spring to his eyes.

Daniel immediately puts the hats down and hugs him again. “Too much?”

Max shakes his head.

“Ah, a bit too happy?”

Max nods and Daniel squeezes him and keeps hugging him until Max takes a deep breath and steps away.

“Okay, just one more thing. Do you want to see it?”

Max nods.

Daniel pulls out three brightly wrapped gifts.

Max looks at them. One for Maxy, another for Maxy, and…one for Mousie.

Max feels his composure shatter and he covers his face to hide the tears.

Daniel guides him to the couch to sit down and pulls him so he’s curled against Daniel. “These are happy tears, right?” Max nods and Daniel strokes his back.

“I just—” Max’s voice breaks and he hides his face in Daniel’s chest. Daniel waits for him, continuing to stroke his back. “I wasn’t expecting this at all.”

“I know. You deserve so much good, darling. I can’t go back in time and change anything, but I can absolutely try to make now the best it can be.”

“Thank you. I don’t deserve you.”

“You absolutely do. Thank you for calling and letting me celebrate with you. Can you tell me more about when you got Mousie?”

Max wipes away a tear and smiles. “I rescued him.”

“Oh?”

“I was at a friend’s house and he was at the bottom of an empty gift basket that was waiting to be taken out with the trash.”

“And you saved him?”

“Yup. Put him in my pocket and brought him home.”

“Good for you. So, you said this is little you’s birthday too? Do you want to tell me how that happened?”

“I brought Mousie out when I got home and was playing with him and then I was little, I guess?”

“So the first time was involuntary?”

“Yeah.”

“That must have been scary.”

“Not really; it was actually really peaceful. No one yelled at me or took Mousie away. And later when I coloured, I could just sit there and colour without interruption. No one told me I was doing it wrong or that I was too old to colour. And Mousie never told me to stop talking when I told him facts about flags or anything else.”

Daniel's arms tighten around him and just hold him for a minute. After a bit, he blows out a breath and resumes stroking Max's back.

“Thank you for telling me that. I’m glad you enjoyed being little by yourself; I'm so happy you had that before me. I thought you must have enjoyed it because you had to have a reason you kept doing it. It must have been better than the only times I’ve seen you be little alone.”

Max nods into Daniel’s shoulder. “Yeah, it wasn’t until you accidentally showed me what it could be like that I realized how nice it could be to have someone there. Before that…” He doesn’t want to finish his thought.

Daniel strokes his back. “Before that, darling?”

“Before that, the lack of a parent was something I appreciated. I couldn’t imagine how adding one would make things better. Especially…” He trails off again.

“Especially?”

“Especially a daddy,” Max whispers.

Daniel’s arms tighten around him again. “Well, you’ve got me now. So this is your first little birthday celebration?”

Max nods.

“Awesome, we’ll make it a good one. Do you want to know what’s in the gifts, or should they be a surprise for little you and Mousie?”

“A surprise.”

“Are you sure? I’m happy to tell you what they are.”

“No. I know you’ve picked good things; you always do.”

Daniel smiles. “Thank you for your trust. Although I’ve never shopped for a mouse before.”

“I can’t believe you got something for Mousie.”

“Well, it’s his birthday too.”

“You know what I mean. He’s just a toy.”

“He’s not just a toy. He’s important to you.”

Max doesn’t know what to say.

Daniel hugs him. “Okay, actually, half of the gift for Mousie is something adult you will understand better than little you.”

“Alright. What is it?”

Daniel pulls a box out of his pocket. He opens it and there’s a tiny electronic chip inside. “It’s a GPS tracker. The smallest one available. I thought we could get someone who fixes toys to put it inside of Mousie so you can always find him.”

“That wouldn’t hurt Mousie?”

“No. I’ve already called them to ask; they say they can do it without making any changes to Mousie and you won’t be able to feel the chip at all.”

“So I’d be able to find Mousie if he got lost?”

“Yeah.”

“What about Kanga and Roo?”

“I got trackers for them too, if you’re okay with that.”

Max is silent.

“Max? Are you worried about the toy doctor putting the trackers into them?”

Max shakes his head and pulls away from Daniel, who lets him go without a fuss.

“Okay, something about this is upsetting you. I’m sorry, darling. I’m going to stay right here, okay?”

Max stands up and walks over to the table where Mousie is and picks him up. He knows he’s being rude, but he needs to hold Mousie.

Daniel stays seated on the couch, not making any moves towards Max and Mousie. “Can you tell me what you’re thinking?”

“They’re not yours.”

“That’s right. They’re yours.”

“Then why do you care if I lose them?”

“Because they make you happy and you’d be sad if you lost them.”

“If I lose Mousie, that’s my fault. And Mousie isn’t a problem, so you don’t have to spend any time worrying about him at all.”

“Okay, darling. I’m sorry this is upsetting you. And I’m sorry for doing this on little you’s birthday; I should have done it on a different day.” Daniel’s voice is gentle. “Max, when adults have worried about your stuffed animals before, did they take them away?”

Max hesitates, then nods.

“So that’s why you don’t want me to worry about them, because I might get mad at having to worry and decide the solution is to get rid of them?”

“I don’t think you would do that.”

“But that’s what happened in the past?”

Max nods again.

“Okay, so the trackers made the watchful part of your brain think it was happening again. Max, I’m not going to take away Mousie or Kanga or Roo. I promise. I’m not going to take away any of your stuff. Not to punish you or for any other reason. It’s all yours forever, especially Mousie, Kanga, and Roo.”

Max feels his shoulders relax a tiny bit, and he realizes he’s holding Mousie so tightly his knuckles ache.

“And I care about Mousie getting lost because it wouldn’t matter whose fault it was — you’d still be sad. It’s my job as your daddy to do things that will make you happy, but it’s also my job to do things that will prevent your sadness. This is one of those things. I always want you to have Mousie, darling.”

Max doesn’t know what to say to that.

“Max, if you’d like, you can come sit next to me again. I’d like to hug you, if you’re okay with that.”

Max looks at Mousie in his hand.

“You can bring Mousie. I promise I won’t take him away. He’s yours forever, Max.”

Max walks back to the couch and sits just out of reach of Daniel, who stays still. Max slowly inches closer until he’s sitting beside Daniel. He breathes out a long breath and leans into Daniel. Daniel’s arms come around him, circling but not restraining him.

“There you go, darling.”

Max sits in Daniel’s embrace for a while, trying to soak up the comfort Daniel is offering. He thinks he owes Daniel a bit of an explanation for his freakout, but he’s never told anyone this before.

“I had a bear when I was little and I lost it one day. I looked everywhere for it and probably caused a big disruption.”

Daniel stiffens beside him, but doesn’t say anything.

“When I finally found it, I was so happy. But then…” he trails off.

Daniel remains taut beside him, before he drags in a deep breath and blows it out through his mouth, softening his body and gently pulling Max closer. “It got taken away, didn’t it?”

“He said it was a distraction,” Max says quietly.

Daniel strokes his back. “Oh darling, I’m so sorry. That never should have happened. I would help you look for days if Mousie got lost, and I’ll never ever take him away from you.”

“You won’t sneak Mousie away from me when you put the tracker in, will you?”

“No, Max. I’ll never take Mousie away from you without your permission, and I’ll always bring him back.”

“Oh.”

Daniel keeps stroking Max’s back, letting him think.

“The trackers sound nice. They would keep them safe,” Max says softly.

“Yeah, they would.”

“Okay, you can do it. But you’ll check with me before you take them?”

“Of course. I’ll arrange with you later about a good time to have the toy doctor do it — it sounds like it will take an hour or two, so you can have them back quickly.”

“Okay.” Max closes his eyes and rests his head on Daniel’s shoulder, suddenly exhausted.

“Why don’t you take a nap, darling?”

“But the birthday stuff!”

“It will all still be here when you wake up; I promise. You can lie down and I’ll pet your hair just like you like, okay?”

“Okay," Max says, yawning.

Max lies down with his head in Daniel’s lap and Daniel pulls a blanket over him and pets his hair. “You’re safe, darling. And Mousie is safe. I promise.”

Max reaches out his hand and Daniel puts his hand in Max’s. Max pulls Daniel’s hand to his other hand, the one that’s holding Mousie.

Daniel strokes the little mouse with his thumb. “Thank you for trusting me, Max. I’ll try to never break that trust.” He gently closes Max’s hand around Mousie and strokes Max’s hand. “Go to sleep, darling. You and Mousie are both safe.”

Max closes his eyes and lets the feeling of safety carry him to sleep.

Maxy wakes up, his head still resting in Daddy’s lap. “Daddy?”

“Hi, Maxy!” Daddy smiles at him.

“It’s my birthday, Daddy!”

“I know, darling! Happy birthday!!”

Maxy sits up and looks around. “Daddy, look at all the decorations!! Are they really for me?”

“Yes, sweetheart. They’re for you and Mousie.”

“Happy birthday Mousie!” He kisses the mouse on his head. “Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“You’re going to make sure Mousie doesn’t get lost?”

“I am.”

“And I get to keep him?”

“Yes, forever.”

“And Kanga and Roo?”

“Them too. I’m going to make sure they never get lost so they can stay with you forever.”

Maxy looks at Mousie. “Did you hear that, Mousie? You get to stay with Maxy forever!” He kisses Mousie and then gently presses him to Daddy’s face.

“What’s Mousie doing, Maxy?”

“He’s kissing you, Daddy! He wants to say thank you.”

Daddy smiles at Mousie. “You’re welcome, Mousie.” He looks at Maxy. “Can I kiss him back?”

Maxy nods and Daddy gently kisses Mousie’s head. Maxy cuddles into Daddy. “Maxy says thank you too, Daddy.”

Daddy hugs him and kisses his forehead. “You’re welcome, Maxy.”

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Can Maxy play with the balloons?” Maxy asks quietly. He knows the balloons are for decoration only, but they look like so much fun.

“Of course! That’s why they’re there!”

“Really?”

Daddy gets up and walks over to the nearest bunch of balloons and bats them so they bounce to the floor and then right back up. “Come play, Maxy!”

Maxy runs over to Daddy and bats at a balloon as well.

“Yeah, Maxy!”

Maxy bats at the balloons some more, laughing as they bounce back up. Daddy bats them at Maxy and Maxy bats them back and they play for a while. Then, Daddy takes out some scissors.

“Maxy, do you want to run around with the balloons?” He cuts the strings off the sand bag of another set of balloons as he asks, freeing them.

“I can do that?”

“Of course! Here!”

Daddy ties the balloon strings together at the bottom and hands Maxy the strings. “Run, Maxy!”

Maxy runs around the apartment and laughs as the balloons try to catch him.

Daddy watches from the couch. “Go Maxy, go!”

When Maxy gets tired, he runs back to the couch and flops down on Daddy.

“Hi, Maxy! You’re so good at running, aren’t you?”

“I ran so fast!”

“You did! And the balloons never caught you, did they?”

“No!”

“Cause you’re so fast!”

“Yeah!”

Maxy hands the balloon strings to Daddy and lies down with his head in Daddy’s lap. Daddy makes the balloons dance above him while Maxy watches.

Maxy stares at the balloons. Maybe… “Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Never mind.” Maxy says quickly. Daddy’s already let him do so much.

Daddy strokes Maxy’s shoulder. “Please tell me, darling?”

Daddy sounds like he really wants to know. “There are so many balloons…”

“Yes?”

“Can Maxy pop one?”

“You want to make them go boom?”

“Maxy makes it explode!” He throws his hands apart, imitating the balloon.

“Of course! Thank you for asking. Let’s make balloons explode!”

“Really?”

“Of course! They’re your balloons! Let’s pop some!”

“Yay!!”

Maxy gets up and runs over to the balloons he was playing with before, but Daddy walks over to a different set.

“Here, Maxy, I think you’ll like popping these ones more. Daddy has to help you pop them, okay? The scissors are sharp.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

Daddy holds the scissors and Maxy wraps his hands around them too.

“Ready, Maxy? One, two, three, pop!” They poke the scissors at the balloon and it explodes with a loud pop.

Maxy yells when it pops, then shrieks in delight when confetti falls around him.

“Daddy, that one had stuff in it!”

“Yeah, Maxy! Want to pop another one?”

“Yeah!”

“Okay, hold on to the scissors. Ready? One, two, three, pop!”

Maxy laughs as confetti flies everywhere again.

They pop several more balloons together, until confetti covers the floor.

Maxy kneels on the ground and scoops it up. “Daddy, kneel down!”

Daddy kneels on the ground and Maxy dumps the confetti on his head.

Daddy shakes his head and confetti rains down around him, his curls full of it. He laughs and throws confetti at Maxy, and Maxy laughs and laughs until he flops down on his back next to Daddy.

Daddy removes a piece of confetti from his hair and carefully places it on Maxy’s nose, making Maxy’s eyes cross when he tries to look at it.

“You’re silly, Daddy.”

Daddy laughs and shakes his hair, and confetti lands on Maxy.

“Daddy, you’re silly!”

Daddy leans down and hugs him. “Only as silly as my Maxy.”

Maxy kisses Daddy’s cheek and Daddy hugs him again.

“Do you want to open your presents now? I think you’ll want to play with them once you open them.”

“Yeah!”

“Do you want to put on your birthday hat first?”

“Yeah!”

Daddy helps him up and helps Maxy put on his birthday hat, then helps him put birthday hats on Daddy, Kanga and Roo, and the tiny hat on Mousie. Mousie and Maxy’s hats both have extra sparkles on them.

“Because it’s Maxy and Mousie’s birthday!!” Maxy says.

“Exactly, darling! Do you want to open your presents first, or help Mousie open his?”

“Mousie’s!”

“Alright.” Daddy passes him Mousie’s present, and Maxy and Mousie open it.

Inside there are different-sized hats, jackets and shirts. There’s even a tiny racing helmet and a Red Bull shirt.

Maxy looks at Daddy.

“They’re outfits for Mousie, but also for Kanga and Roo. I didn’t want them to feel left out, even though it’s Mousie’s birthday present.”

“So they can all play together!”

“Exactly!”

Maxy holds up the tiny helmet. “For Mousie to wear?”

“Yeah. But he needs a car to drive when he wears it, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah!”

Daddy takes out another box. “I wonder what’s in here?”

Maxy opens it and gasps.

It’s a Mousie-sized Red Bull car!!

“Daddy, it’s just like big me’s car! But for Mousie!!”

“Exactly, Maxy. Do you want to put Mousie in it? I’ll help you put his helmet on first.”

Maxy passes Mousie to Daddy and Daddy takes off Mousie’s birthday hat and puts the Red Bull shirt and helmet on Mousie. “I’ll hold his birthday hat for right now, okay?” He passes Mousie back to Maxy.

Maxy puts Mousie in the car and puts the car on the ground. He zooms it around the room as Daddy narrates.

“Mousie’s off to a good start! Strong work on the brakes into that corner! Ooh, just about touched the wall on that one, but what a great save! And here comes Mousie!!”

Maxy drives the car back to Daddy and Daddy throws his hands in the air. “Mousie wins!!!”

Maxy pulls Mousie out of the car and holds him up. “Yay Mousie!!”

Daddy throws confetti in the air around them.

Maxy hugs him. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“You’re welcome, darling.”

Maxy presses Mousie to Daddy’s cheek.

“Is Mousie saying thank you?”

“Yeah!”

“You’re very welcome, Mousie. Happy birthday.” Daddy kisses the top of Mousie’s helmet and hugs Maxy. “Time for your presents, Maxy?”

Maxy looks at Daddy in surprise. He knew there were unopened presents, but Mousie’s present was so good that Maxy thought maybe that was it.

“Did you forget you get presents too?”

“Mousie’s present is so good, Daddy!” Maxy says earnestly. “And Maxy can play with it too! Maxy doesn't need more presents!”

Daddy hugs him. “You’re my sweet, sweet boy,” he says, kissing Maxy’s forehead. “Sweetheart, I know you don’t need more presents, but I want you to have them, okay? It’s your birthday too, so you get presents too.”

“Presents for Maxy?” Maxy asks.

“Yeah, darling, presents for Maxy.” Daddy pulls out a big, colourfully wrapped box. “Here’s the first one.”

There’s a big bow on top, so Maxy pulls it off and puts it on Daddy’s head next to his birthday hat.

Daddy laughs. “Is Daddy a present now?”

Maxy hugs Daddy. “Daddy’s the best present!”

Daddy hugs Maxy back. “You’re my best present too, Maxy.”

Maxy looks at the big present and doesn’t know where to start.

“Do you want some help?”

Maxy nods and Daddy helps him rip off all the paper, open the big box, and pull out the stuff inside. It’s paint, paint brushes, an easel, paper, and a painter’s outfit and hat.

Maxy looks at Daddy.

“I know you like colouring, so I thought you’d like to try painting.”

“Maxy paints?” Maxy’s never been allowed to paint before. It’s too much work and too messy.

“Yeah!”

“Won’t Maxy get dirty?”

“So? That’s what sinks and bathtubs are for. That’s why you have a painter’s smock, to make it so your clothes don’t get as much paint on them. And even if you get paint on your clothes, it washes out.”

“Maxy paints!”

“Yeah!”

Maxy carefully puts everything down and hugs Daddy.

“You like it?”

Maxy nods. “Yeah! Maxy paints! Maxy paints now?”

“Do you want to open your last present first? Then you can decide what you want to do.”

“Okay.”

Maxy opens the present and it’s a box of…sand?

“Daddy?”

“It’s special sand! It doesn’t stick to your fingers, but it sticks together, so you can build things with it, but it won’t get sand everywhere.”

“So I can build a sandcastle?”

“Yeah! There are even sandcastle shapes and a sandbox that you can build in!”

“Maxy builds a sandcastle!!”

“Yeah!!”

Maxy kisses Daddy’s cheek. “Mousie and Maxy say thank you for our presents.”

Daddy kisses Maxy’s forehead. “You’re both very welcome. Happy birthday.”

“Can Maxy play now?”

“Of course, darling. Which present do you want to play with today?”

“Maxy can play with the other ones later?” Maxy checks.

“Yes. They’re all yours, to play with whenever you want.”

“Maxy paints now?”

”Alright! Do you want help putting on your painter’s smock and hat?”

“Yes, please.”

“You have to take off your birthday hat, but I can put it on top of the painter’s hat, okay?”

“Okay.” Maxy pulls off his birthday hat and hands it to Daddy.

Daddy attaches the birthday hat to the top of the painter’s hat using safety pins, then helps Maxy put on the painter’s smock and the painter’s hat. “There you go! All ready to paint!”

Maxy runs to look in the mirror. “I’m a birthday painter!!”

“You are!”

Maxy twirls around a few times in front of the mirror, then runs back.

Daddy’s set up the easel, paper, and a holder for the paint. “Here’s the paint palette for you, and some water to dip the paintbrushes in.”

“Thank you, Daddy!”

Maxy takes a paintbrush and brushes it over the paint, but no paint comes off. “Daddy?”

“You’ve never painted before?”

Maxy shakes his head and puts the paint brush down. “Maxy can’t paint.”

Daddy picks up the paint brush and puts it back in Maxy’s hand. “No, Maxy, it’s the perfect day to learn how!”

“Maxy paints?”

“Yeah! Here, you dip the paintbrush in the water first and then rub it on the paint. It’s watercolour paint, so you need to add water to make it work.”

Daddy helps Maxy dip the paintbrush in the water, rub it in the paint, and brush the paint on the paper. It leaves behind a streak of blue.

“Maxy paints!!”

“Yeah! You’re a painter! Now when the brush runs out of paint or you want to change colours, you put it in the water and then get more paint.”

Maxy puts the brush in the water.

“Do you want to change colours?”

“Yes.”

“What colour do you want?”

“Red?”

“Okay. Swirl the brush in the water a bit to get rid of the extra blue paint and then put the brush in the red paint and brush it on the paper.”

Maxy does what Daddy says and leaves a red streak on the paper. “Maxy paints!!!”

“Perfect, Maxy! Now you can try painting anything if you want, or do more streaks. It’s up to you.”

Maxy experiments with the other colours, covering the paper with lines of paint.

“Beautiful, Maxy!”

“I’m a painter!!”

“Yes, you are!”

“Maxy has new paper?”

“Of course!” Daddy carefully removes the paper from the easel and puts it on the table. “We’ll leave it there to dry, okay?” He puts another piece of paper on the easel. “There you go. Paint away!”

Maxy looks at the paper and then at Daddy’s empty hands. He picks up another paintbrush and hands it to Daddy. “Daddy paints too?”

Daddy smiles. “Alright, Maxy. What do you want to paint?”

“Mousie!!”

“Good idea!”

Maxy carefully paints a brown Mousie-shape, and Daddy adds his eyes and ears and tail.

“It’s Mousie!”

Maxy looks at the painting. “Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Mousie looks lonely.”

“He needs a friend, doesn’t he? What about the other birthday boy?”

“Maxy!!”

“Yeah!”

Maxy looks at the paper and the paint. “Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Can you paint Maxy?”

“Okay, I’ll paint the body, and you can paint the hair, eyes, smile and anything else you want, okay?”

“Okay!”

Daddy paints a stick figure of Maxy, and Maxy adds yellow paint for the hair, blue eyes, and a big red smile.

“Daddy? Can I have your paintbrush?”

“Sure!”

Maxy hands Daddy his paintbrush and takes Daddy’s paintbrush, which still has black paint on it. He very carefully adds a black dot on his top lip.

Daddy grins. “Is that your lip freckle?”

“Yeah!”

Daddy hugs Maxy. “It’s perfect, darling.”

Maxy looks at the painting. “Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Maxy and Mousie need Daddy.”

Daddy squeezes him. “Do you want me to paint Daddy too?”

“Yeah! Can Daddy hold hands with Maxy?”

“Of course.”

Daddy takes back the black paintbrush and paints a stick figure of himself holding hands with Maxy.

Maxy adds lots of curly hair, brown eyes, and a big red smile. He looks at Daddy and carefully adds Daddy’s beard and moustache.

“That’s perfect, darling! You and me and Mousie!”

Maxy steps back and looks at the painting. “Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for being my daddy.”

Daddy hugs him. “Thank you for being my Maxy.”

“Daddy, what happens to the painting?”

“Can you explain a bit more, darling?”

“Maxy's drawings go on the fridge.”

“Yes?”

“But the painting is too big.”

“Ah. Do you want to hang it up on the wall?”

Maxy gasps. “Maxy’s and Daddy’s painting can go on the wall? Like a real painting??”

Daddy hugs him again. “Yes, it can go on the wall! It is a real painting! It has the most exclusive artists: Maxy and Daddy! Do you want to hang it in the bedroom?”

“Yeah!”

“Alright, we’ll leave it to dry on the easel and then we’ll hang it up. Time to wash up and then dinner, okay?”

“Okay! Maxy is so hungry he could eat a whole hippopotamus!”

“Wow, that is hungry! We better eat dinner soon!” Daddy says, leading Maxy to the bathroom.

Daddy washes Maxy’s hands and arms, then looks at Maxy, laughs, and touches Maxy’s nose. He shows Maxy his finger — it’s yellow.

Maxy laughs. “Maxy’s hair paint got on Maxy’s nose!”

“It did!” Daddy wets a washcloth. “Can I wash it off?”

Maxy nods and Daddy washes the paint off. He helps Maxy take off the painter’s smock and hat and puts the birthday hat back on Maxy’s head. Daddy leans in to kiss Maxy’s nose. “All clean!”

“All clean, Daddy! Dinner time!!”

Daddy pulls out his phone. “What do you want for dinner?”

“Maxy picks?”

“Yeah! You can always tell me what you want, but especially on your birthday.”

“Can we make broccoli forests again?”

“Of course. Do you want the exact same thing we had that time?”

“Can there be fish too?”

Daddy gives Maxy a quick hug. “Of course. Thank you for letting me know what you want.”

When dinner arrives, Daddy and Maxy sit at the table. Daddy puts dinner on the birthday plates and passes Maxy’s to him.

“Can we still make broccoli forests?” Maxy checks.

“Of course! Birthday broccoli forests!”

Maxy carefully balances the broccoli in the rice, laughing when they look like little trees. Daddy copies him, and little forests grow on both of their plates.

“Daddy, do fish swim through trees?”

“Kind of, darling. They have kelp forests and coral reefs that they swim through.”

“Do they look like broccoli?”

Daddy laughs. “Some of the coral reefs do.”

“Could Maxy eat them?”

“I think they’d be awfully crunchy. Even crunchier than broccoli.”

“That would hurt Maxy’s teeth!”

“Yeah, it would. How about we leave the coral reefs to the fish and you can stick to your broccoli forests?”

“Okay! Can you make the branches smaller?”

Daddy takes his plate. “Of course. I’m also going to check your fish for any bones, okay?”

“No bones, Daddy!”

“Exactly.” Daddy cuts up the broccoli trees into bite-sized pieces and carefully checks over Maxy’s fish for any bones. “Here you go, Maxy, all done!”

“Thank you, Daddy!” Maxy starts eating.

“You’re welcome, darling.”

When they’re done eating dinner, Daddy gets up.

“Maxy, can I put Mousie’s birthday hat back on so he can join you for the cake?”

“Yes, please. Mousie matches Maxy!”

Daddy replaces Mousie’s helmet with the birthday hat and brings him and Kanga and Roo to Maxy.

Maxy sits them on the table and Daddy walks over to the side table and picks up the cake, carrying it back to Maxy. He lights the two candles in the middle and sings Happy Birthday to Maxy and Mousie.

Maxy grins and claps his hands. “Daddy, are there two candles because it’s Maxy and Mousie’s birthday?”

“Yeah! One for each of you! Can you blow out the candles?”

“Daddy helps?”

“Okay. One, two, three!” Maxy blows on the cake and Daddy joins him.

“Well done, Maxy! Alright, which flags do you want on your piece?”

“Papua New Guinea!”

“Ooh, I know that one; that’s one of your favourites! That’s the flag with the bird and the Southern Cross on it, right?”

“Yeah! Just like Australia!”

Daddy finds the Papua New Guinea flag and pulls it out. “What’s another flag you want?”

“I want Iceland, Daddy!”

Daddy looks at the cake and then at Maxy. “Give me a clue, Maxy.”

“It’s red, white, and blue!”

Daddy points at a flag and Maxy laughs.

“Daddy, that’s France!”

Daddy points at another one. “What about this one?”

“Daddy, that’s the United States! You know that one!!”

Daddy laughs and points to one more flag. “It’s definitely this one.”

Maxy laughs harder. “Daddy, that’s Australia!”

Daddy laughs and ruffles Maxy’s hair. “Ah, so it is. Alright, I give up. Which one is Iceland?”

Maxy points to the right flag and Daddy pulls it out.

“Daddy? Can I have Australia too?”

Daddy smiles and pulls it out too. “Of course. Do you want any more?”

Maxy points to a few more flags and Daddy arranges them on a corner piece and then cuts it. He puts it on Maxy’s plate and Maxy gasps.

The inside of the cake is a Dutch flag!

“Daddy, the cake is a flag! Is that for Maxy?”

“Of course, darling. Happy birthday!” Daddy cuts himself a piece of cake.

Maxy pulls the Australian flag off his cake and puts it in Daddy’s. “You can have the Australian flag, Daddy.”

“Aww, thank you, Maxy!”

When they're done, Daddy puts the leftovers away and helps Maxy wash and dry his hands. He looks at Maxy and smiles, then grabs a washcloth and wipes Maxy’s mouth.

Maxy sticks out his tongue and Daddy carefully dabs the washcloth on it and Maxy laughs.

“All clean now! Your face looked a bit like the cake with all that icing. I think there’s time for one more activity before bedtime. Do you want to watch Winnie the Pooh or read a book?”

“A book!” Maxy thinks for a second. “Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Can we read the bunny book?”

“Of course, darling. It’s at your big place, right?”

Maxy nods.

“Okay, can you stay here while I run and get it? Do you feel comfortable with that?”

Maxy nods and sits on the couch. “Maxy stays right here.”

Daddy heads for the door, then stops and grabs Mousie, Kanga, and Roo and brings them to Maxy. “Here, so you’ll have some company to wait with. Daddy will be right back.”

Maxy hugs Kanga, and the door clicks shut behind Daddy.

Maxy looks around the silent apartment. All the balloons are still floating in the air. Maxy wants to play with them, but he told Daddy he’d stay on the couch. Maxy is a good boy.

Maxy waits some more, but Daddy still doesn’t come back.

“Maxy is a good boy,” he tells Kanga, Roo, and Mousie. “Maxy said he would stay here and Maxy will. Even if Maxy wants to play with the balloons again.” He looks longingly at the balloons, bobbing just out of reach of the couch.

Maxy lies down on the couch so he can’t see the balloons and closes his eyes. The apartment is very quiet without Daddy. Maxy hugs Kanga tight. Daddy will come back soon. He promised.

Maxy waits some more, but Daddy still doesn’t come back.

Maxy sits up suddenly. What if something happened to Daddy?? Maxy has to find him!

Maxy gets off the couch and is a few steps away when he remembers his promise to Daddy to stay on the couch. Maxy is breaking his promise! He turns back to the couch, but the door clicks open before he can get back.

“Daddy!!” He wants to run back to the couch and run to Daddy, but he doesn’t know which one to do, so he just stays still.

“Whoa, Maxy, come here, darling.” Daddy’s arms are around him, leading him to the couch, where he sits down and pulls Maxy into his arms. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”

“Daddy, you’re here!”

Daddy strokes his back. “I’m here, darling. Are you okay?”

“Maxy broke his promise,” Maxy whispers into Daddy’s shirt.

“What promise, Maxy?”

“Maxy said he would stay on the couch, but Daddy was gone for so long! Maxy thought maybe something happened to him!! But then Maxy remembered his promise. Maxy didn’t mean to break it, Daddy.”

“Oh, darling, it’s hard to remember a promise when you’re scared, isn’t it?”

Maxy nods.

Daddy keeps stroking his back. “I think you did very well, Maxy. It was a very big promise for a little boy, and you did as well as you could.”

Maxy looks up at Daddy. “Maxy did well?”

“Yes. You’re safe, which is all I wanted.”

“Maxy didn’t even leave the couch to play with the balloons, even though Maxy really really wanted to,” Maxy tells Daddy proudly.

“You didn’t? Wow!”

Maxy nods. “Because Maxy promised Daddy. But then Maxy closed his eyes and it was so quiet and Maxy didn’t know if Daddy was okay!”

“That sounds very scary, darling. But now I’m back!”

“Yeah, Daddy came back!”

“Yeah, I did, just like I said I would. Do you want to play with the balloons now, Maxy?”

“Maxy can?”

“Of course! You were so good to wait for me to get back.”

“Maxy is good!”

“You’re so good, darling.”

“Daddy plays too?”

“Of course. We’ll play with the balloons and then get ready for bed and read the bunny book, okay?”

“Okay! Can we pop more balloons?”

“Sure! Do you want to run around with some balloons first?”

“Yeah! Can Daddy chase me?”

“Of course!”

Daddy hands Maxy the balloons he tied together earlier. “Run, Maxy!”

Maxy shrieks and runs.

Daddy runs after him. “I’m going to catch you!”

“No!!” Maxy runs while Daddy stomps after him.

“Here I come, Maxy!”

Maxy runs, but he turns down a hallway, and he’s trapped!

“Looks like I’ve got you now!” Daddy comes towards Maxy, but stays on one side of the hallway, so Maxy runs by him.

“Oh no, you’re getting away! How did you do that?? Aha, I’ll get the balloons instead!”

Maxy shrieks and runs faster, and he can hear Daddy trying to grab the balloons.

“You’re too fast for me, Maxy!”

Maxy stops running. Maxy’s not too fast for Daddy! Daddy can always go as fast as him!

“Maxy?”

“See, you caught me! You’re as fast as Maxy!”

Daddy laughs and hugs Maxy, lifting him up and twirling him around.

“Thank you, darling. Do you want to pop some balloons now?”

“Yeah!!”

Daddy leads Maxy over to another bunch of balloons. “Okay, remember Daddy has to help you with the scissors.”

“Okay, Daddy!”

They wrap their hands around the scissors and Daddy counts down. “Ready? One, two, three!”

They poke the scissors into the balloon and it explodes, showering confetti everywhere. Maxy shrieks and laughs.

“Another one? One, two, three!” Confetti flies everywhere again and Maxy tries to catch it as it floats through the air. He catches some and puts them in Daddy’s hair.

“Hey!”

“The other pieces fell out, Daddy,” Maxy says earnestly.

“Ah, then I guess we both need more in our hair.” Daddy kneels down and scoops up confetti and chases after Maxy. He catches Maxy in a corner and advances, hands full of confetti.

“Daddy, no!”

“No?” Daddy stops, his hands full of confetti.

“No.”

“Okay.” Daddy drops the confetti on the floor.

“Maybe…both of us can throw it?” Maxy asks.

Daddy scoops up the confetti he dropped. “Of course! You get some confetti too and we’ll throw it together.”

“Yay!” Maxy runs and grabs his own pile of confetti.

“Ready, Daddy!”

“Okay, throw it on three. One, two, three!!”

They both throw their confetti in the air and it rains down on top of them.

Maxy shakes his head and most of the confetti slides off his hair. He looks at Daddy and laughs; Daddy’s curls are once again full of confetti.

Daddy laughs too and shakes his head, blowing at the confetti that falls out.

“Do you want to pop one last balloon before bedtime?” Daddy asks.

“Okay! Can I pick which one?”

“Sure!”

“That one!” Maxy points to the biggest balloon.

“Ooh, good choice, Maxy! Ready?”

Maxy holds the scissors with Daddy again. “Can I count this time?”

“Sure!”

“Ready! One, two, three!”

They pop the giant balloon and it explodes with a bang, confetti flying everywhere. Maxy shrieks and quickly lies down and confetti falls around him.

Maxy opens his eyes once the confetti has stopped falling on him, and Daddy is smiling at him.

“You’re so good at popping balloons, Maxy. Do you want to check if your painting is dry yet, so we can hang it up?”

“Yeah!” Maxy jumps up and runs over the easel. “Is it dry, Daddy?”

Daddy lightly touches the painting. “Yup. All dry and ready for hanging! I’ve got just the frame for it.”

He heads off towards the storage room and comes back carrying an empty frame. He puts the frame on the couch and pops off the back. “Here you go, Maxy, you can put the art in.”

Maxy doesn’t move.

“Maxy?”

“Maxy and Daddy’s art goes in a frame??”

“Yes? I thought you wanted it up on the wall?”

“A frame is for real art!”

“Ohh. Come here, darling.” Daddy pulls Maxy into his arms for a hug. “Any art that you want to hang on the wall can go in a frame. And our painting is real art. Do you want to sign the front like a real artist?”

“Daddy signs too?”

“Of course.”

Daddy gets a black marker. “Can you write an M, Maxy?”

“Yeah! M for Maxy!”

Daddy hands Maxy the marker.

“No, Daddy goes first.” Maxy hands the marker back to Daddy.

“Alright.” Daddy writes a D in the bottom corner of the painting. “Your turn, Maxy!”

Maxy takes the marker and carefully writes an M beside Daddy’s D.

“Perfect!” says Daddy.

“Maxy did good?”

“Yes, Maxy, you did very good.”

Daddy takes the painting, puts it in the frame, and carries it into the bedroom. “How about on this wall, Maxy?”

“Yeah!”

“Can you stay here for a minute while I grab a hammer?”

“Okay!”

Maxy sits on the bed while Daddy runs back to the storage room. He comes back with a hammer and a nail.

“So, right here?” Daddy asks, pointing to a spot on the wall.

“Yeah! Can Maxy help?”

“Sure! Daddy will get the nail started and then you can help me tap it into the wall.”

Daddy hammers the nail into the wall. “Okay, darling, you need to be careful helping Daddy with the hammer. Don’t put your fingers where it’s going to hit, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy.”

“Good. Come here and hold the hammer with me, okay?”

Maxy holds the hammer around Daddy’s hands and they tap the nail into the wall.

“Perfect, Maxy!” Daddy hangs the frame. “Can you tell me if it’s straight?”

Maxy runs to the back of the room. “It’s tilted like this, Daddy!” He tilts his body to show Daddy the direction it’s tilting.

Daddy nudges it. “How’s that?”

Maxy laughs. “Now it’s tilted like this!” Maxy tilts the other way.

Daddy moves it a tiny bit.

“Yeah!”

“All good?”

“Yeah!!”

Daddy comes to stand beside him and hugs him. “Looks great! A Maxy and Daddy original!”

Maxy hugs him back. “Daddy and Maxy’s art is on the wall! In a frame!!”

“And it looks perfect there.”

“It does, Daddy! It’s a real painting!”

Daddy hugs him again. “It is, Maxy.”

After a while, Daddy gives Maxy an extra squeeze. “Alright, time to get ready for bed now. You have to take off your birthday hat for reading, okay? It’s too pointy for Daddy to snuggle you.”

Maxy takes it off. “It might poke Daddy!”

“Exactly. And Kanga, Roo, and Mousie’s hats might poke you.”

Maxy takes their hats off and hands them to Daddy. “Can’t poke Maxy!”

“That’s right. Which pajamas do you want to wear?”

“Mousie’s!”

Daddy takes out Maxy’s mice pajamas and helps Maxy change into them.

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“If we’re not wearing birthday hats, does that mean it’s not Maxy's birthday anymore?”

Daddy hugs him. “No, darling! It’s your birthday until tomorrow. The hats are just extra fun, but it’s yours and Mousie’s birthday all day today.”

“Still birthdays?”

“Yes! Do you want to brush your teeth now?”

“Okay!” Maxy runs into the bathroom to grab his toothbrush, but it’s not there. “Daddy, where is my toothbrush?”

“Hmmm, is this your toothbrush?” Daddy asks, joining him and holding up Daddy’s toothbrush.

“No, that’s Daddy’s!”

“Ah, so it is. Well, there’s only one toothbrush left.”

“It’s not Maxy’s!”

“Are you sure? Do you want to look at it?”

Maxy pulls the toothbrush out of the toothbrush holder and stares at it. “Daddy, it has Mousie on it!!!”

“Happy birthday, darling.”

“Mousie, come see!” Maxy runs to grab Mousie and brings him back into the bathroom. “Look, Mousie, it’s you on my toothbrush!”

“Does Mousie like it?”

“Mousie loves it, Daddy!” Maxy holds Mousie up to Daddy’s cheek.

“Aww, another kiss from Mousie? I’m so lucky!” Daddy kisses Mousie and Maxy gently on their heads. “Can I brush your teeth with your new toothbrush now?”

“Yeah!!”

Daddy brushes Maxy’s teeth, and Maxy shows off his clean teeth to Mousie while Daddy brushes his own teeth.

“Alright, time to use the bathroom. I’ll wait right outside, okay?”

“Daddy, can you hold Mousie for me?”

“Of course! Mousie and I will hang out out here.”

Maxy uses the bathroom and washes his hands. “All done, Daddy!”

Daddy opens the door. “Good job washing your hands! Can I dry them?”

Maxy holds out his hands and Daddy dries them, then takes Mousie from where he’s been sitting in Daddy’s hair and hands him back to Maxy.

“Thank you, Daddy!”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Can you get into bed? Daddy will join you right away.”

“Okay!”

Maxy climbs into bed and sits up, waiting for Daddy. He looks around, but the bunny book isn’t in the bedroom. He thinks he could go and get it, but Daddy asked him to stay in bed. And this time Maxy knows where Daddy is; he can hear him singing from behind the closed door. Maxy will wait for Daddy.

The bathroom door opens and Daddy walks out.

“Daddy! I was good and didn’t go get the bunny book! I waited for Daddy.”

“Thank you, darling! I love when you stay safe for Daddy. But even if you had gone to get the bunny book, you’d still be good. You’re always good.”

Maxy tilts his head. “Even if Maxy is bad, Maxy is still good?”

Daddy sits on the bed and puts his arm around Maxy, and Maxy snuggles against him.

“Even if you have a bad moment or even a bad day, you’re still good. I want you to be safe, which is why I ask you to do certain things like wait for me on the couch or the bed. I don’t want you to get hurt. But even if you don’t do those things, you’re never bad. You’re always good, Maxy.”

“Maxy is…never bad?” Maxy is dubious.

“Nope. You’re always good.”

“What if Maxy throws something?”

“It might be a bad action, but you’re still good.”

“What if Maxy does something Daddy said not to?”

“I’d be sad if it was something where you got hurt, and we’d talk about it after to figure out why you didn’t listen to Daddy. Maybe it was too big of a request for a little boy.”

“Like me staying on the couch when you were gone!”

“Exactly like that. Or maybe it was just a bad day and you didn’t want to listen. Those days happen. But you’re still good.”

Maxy searches his brain for something really bad. “What if Maxy yells at Daddy?”

“That’s happened before, remember? But you’re still good, and I’ll hug you once you say I can. If you’re yelling at me, you must have very big feelings that need a hug from Daddy.”

Maxy thinks. He does need a hug from Daddy when he has such big feelings. He nods. “Yeah,” he says with feeling.

“And Maxy?”

“Yes?”

“You’re still good, all those times. And any other situations you can think of.”

“Maxy is always good?”

“Yes.”

“Daddy will always hug Maxy?”

“Yes, darling.”

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Can you hug Maxy now?”

Daddy turns to face Maxy and wraps his arms around him. “Of course, sweetheart.”

Maxy rests his head on Daddy’s shoulder and hugs Daddy back.

Daddy strokes his back. “Maxy, are you sleeping?”

“Not sleeping, Daddy! Just closing my eyes!”

“Alright, darling. I think it’s time to read the bunny book now, okay? Daddy will go get it. Can you make sure you, Kanga, Roo, and Mousie are all ready to read it?”

“Okay!”

Daddy leaves the room and Maxy puts Mousie and Roo into Kanga’s pouch so they’ll both be able to see. He pulls the pillows up as best he can so he and Daddy can snuggle against them, but it’s not as good as when Daddy does it.

“Daddy?”

Daddy comes back into the room. “Yes?”

“Can you make the pillows better?”

“Sure, Maxy, but you already did a very good job. Thanks for starting them, sweetheart.”

“You’re welcome, Daddy!”

Daddy adjusts the pillows to make them extra cozy. He sits down on the bed and opens up the book. “Come here, darling. Time to read the book. Do you remember, it’s called ‘Daddy Loves You.’”

“Daddy loves me!”

“Exactly!”

Maxy snuggles up to Daddy with Kanga in his arms so she, Roo, and Mousie can see too.

Daddy opens the book and Maxy gasps and points at the first page.

“Daddy, it’s a mouse! Just like Mousie!!”

“It is!”

Maxy pulls Mousie out of Kanga’s pouch and lets him touch the mouse on the page. “See, it’s just like you, Mousie!”

“Does Mousie like the book?”

“Yes, Mousie loves it. Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Do you love Mousie too?”

Daddy squeezes him. “Of course, Maxy. Do you and Mousie want to keep reading?”

Maxy nods and Daddy turns the page.

They get to the pages where Daddy bunny and Maxy bunny are playing together. Maxy touches Maxy bunny. “That’s what we did today, right, Daddy?”

“It is! We had so much fun playing together today.”

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“I guess bunnies don’t have balloons.”

Daddy laughs. “I guess not, darling.”

“That’s okay. They look happy.”

“Yeah, they do.”

They get to the pages where Daddy bunny puts Maxy bunny to bed, and Maxy yawns.

“Time for bed, Maxy?”

Maxy nods and Daddy puts the book aside, adjusts the pillows and they both lie down.

Maxy snuggles into Daddy’s arms. “Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“This was the best birthday ever.”

Daddy kisses his forehead. “I’m so glad. Happy birthday to you and Mousie.”

Maxy wiggles in Daddy’s arms to hold Mousie up.

“Does Mousie want a kiss too?”

“Yes!”

Daddy kisses Mousie’s head. “Happy birthday Mousie. Thanks for being such a good friend to Maxy.”

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Can we do this again next year?”

“Celebrate yours and Mousie’s birthday?”

“Yeah.”

“Of course.”

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Daddy hugs Maxy to him and kisses his forehead again. “I love you too, darling. Happy birthday.”

Maxy snuggles into Daddy’s arms and closes his eyes.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Good night.”

“Good night, Maxy.” Maxy can hear that Daddy is smiling. “Sleep well.”

Max wakes up smiling.

Daniel is still sleeping across from him, so Max slips out of bed to use the bathroom. When he gets back, Daniel gets out of bed to use the bathroom too.

Max sprawls into the spot that Daniel left and closes his eyes and drifts until he hears Daniel laugh.

“Decided to take my spot?”

“It was warm.” Max rolls onto his side, giving Daniel room to get back in the bed.

Daniel lies down across from him and Max looks at him and can’t help laughing.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just”—Max reaches out and pulls a piece of confetti from Daniel’s hair—“you still have confetti in your hair.”

Daniel laughs. “I’m going to be finding confetti around this place for months. But it was worth it, watching little you pop those balloons.”

“Thank you for letting me pop them.”

“Of course!” Daniel pulls gently on Max. “Come here; I want to hug you.”

Max slides over so he’s resting his head on Daniel’s chest and Daniel strokes Max’s hair.

“There, that’s better. About the balloons, thank you for trusting me enough to ask to pop them. I don’t think you would have when we first started doing this.”

“No, I don’t think I would have. But…”

“But?”

“I was going to say it’s because you never punish me for asking. But it’s not just that. You always support me so much and encourage me to ask for things like that. It’s a lot easier to ask when I know no matter what I say, you’re going to thank me for asking or tell me you’re proud of me for asking.”

Daniel squeezes Max’s shoulder. “I am proud of you. I’m so proud of you.”

Max laughs softly. “Yeah, just like that. And…you never make fun of me.”

“Of course not.”

“But like, not knowing how to paint. Who doesn’t know how to paint?? But you didn’t laugh; you just showed me how. And then, you let me help you hang the painting on the wall!” He gestures behind Daniel at the painting on the wall. “You can take it down if you want. I know it’s probably not your style.”

Daniel gasps. “It’s a little Max and Daddy original. I’m keeping it forever!” He strokes Max’s hair. “Seriously, I love having it there. I’m going to smile every time I see it.”

“Really?” Max can’t hide his pleased smile.

“Yes, really. If you want to replace it with a different little Max original, we can, but I’m leaving it up until then. And Max, I’m so happy to be able to teach you how to do things like painting. I’ll never laugh at you or make fun of you for anything, but especially not for something where I get to teach you something.”

“Oh. Okay. Thank you.” Max smiles and closes his eyes and drifts for a bit.

“Max?” Daniel’s voice is a bit tentative.

“Yeah?”

“Was little Max worried about being punished for not staying on the couch?”

Max considers. “Maybe right at the very beginning, for a second when the door first opened and he couldn’t see you yet. But after that, no, he just didn’t want to disappoint you.”

Daniel smiles. “I hoped that was the case, but I didn’t want to ask little Max and remind him about punishments. But that’s amazing, darling. Thank you so much for trusting me.”

Max thinks for a second. “Huh.”

“Huh?”

“Just, that’s something that would have triggered panic in adult me about punishment in the past. But I never even thought of it until you mentioned it.”

Daniel hugs him. “I’m so glad. I’ll never punish you or little Max, and I’m so happy your subconscious is starting to realize that.”

Max reaches out and takes Daniel’s hand. “Thank you. For not punishing me or Maxy.”

“I’d say you’re welcome, but I don’t think that’s something I should be thanked for. I’m so glad you’re getting some peace from that. I’ll never punish you or little Max, darling.”

Max pulls Daniel’s hand to his face, and Daniel runs his thumb over Max’s cheek.

“Daniel?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for making sure Maxy knows he’s good.”

“He is good, Max. And so are you.”

Max ducks his head so Daniel can’t see his face, and Daniel strokes his hair.

Max gathers his courage and glances up at Daniel. “Yeah?” he asks, trying to keep his voice from wavering.

Daniel’s smile is huge. “Yeah. You’re both so good.”

Max rests his head on Daniel’s chest. “Thank you. For that, and for the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

“My pleasure. Thank you for letting me make it a special day.”

Daniel strokes his back and Max curls into him and closes his eyes.

“Go back to sleep if you want,” Daniel says softly. “We’ve got lots of time.”

Max opens his eyes. “Wait, where the heck did you get a toothbrush with Mousie on it?”

Daniel laughs. “I got it made a while ago and was just waiting for a good opportunity to give it to little you. A birthday for both little you and Mousie seemed like an excellent reason.”

“What about the other presents?”

“Some I picked up yesterday; some I already had. I pick up stuff whenever I see something that reminds me of little you.”

“Oh. You—really?”

“Of course. I just want you to be happy.”

“Oh. I still can’t believe you did all that. Thank you. Thank you for all the presents. And the decorations. And the cake. And—I—thank you.”

“You’re welcome, darling. You deserve it all. I’m so glad you had a good birthday.”

Max doesn’t know what else to say, so he squeezes Daniel’s hand. Daniel strokes his hair with his other hand.

“Daniel?”

“Yes?”

“Can we have cake for breakfast when we get up?”

Daniel laughs. “Of course.”

Max smiles and closes his eyes.

“Go back to sleep, darling. We’ve still got lots of time.”

Chapter Text

Max wakes up sobbing from a nightmare. Max isn’t sure if he was Max or Maxy in the nightmare, or some dream-logic combination of both, but it doesn’t matter. In his nightmare, Daniel punished him.

Max isn’t even sure if there was a reason, or just Daniel deciding he was bad, but Daniel spanked him and hit him until he was sobbing and then refused to hug him or even talk to him. Max woke up when Daniel was laughing at him while he cried.

Max can still feel the utter shock and bewilderment of his dream self at what was happening, and the complete devastation when Daniel laughed at him.

The sheets are soaked with sweat and his heart is pounding so hard he can practically hear it. He tries to take deep breaths and calm down, but all he can see is Daniel’s face as he turned away from Maxy while he cried. He grabs his phone and turns on the flashlight. He’s halfway to the room where he keeps the bunny book before he remembers he can turn on regular lights too.

Max isn’t sure when the bunny book became a talisman against bad things, but it definitely has. He needs to look at it to remind himself that the Daniel from his nightmare isn’t the real Daniel, who hugs him whenever he wants, always talks to him, and would never, ever hit him.

He’s almost at the bookcase when he realizes the bunny book is still at Daniel’s, from when Daniel read it to him the night before. He sinks to the ground beside the bookcase and can’t help but wrap his arms around his legs, put his head on his knees and cry. He had such a good time yesterday with Daniel celebrating Maxy and Mousie’s birthday and then his brain rewards him with this. And now he doesn’t even have the bunny book.

He takes a shuddering breath and looks at the bookcase, wishing the bunny book was somehow there.

He gasps and fresh tears come to his eyes when he sees the book, sitting in its usual place. He grabs the book and flips to the back with shaking hands and... it's a new note.

Hi darling,

So, still hoping for your sake that you’re just looking at this book because you like the pictures. But if not, please call me. Also, I’ve realized that every time you’ve called me in the past it’s been daytime or evening, but I suspect at some point, it’s going to be night and you’re going to tell yourself you shouldn’t bug me. I’m serious, darling. Anytime, day or night. Just pick up the phone. Please.

Daddy loves you

Max sobs, the sound ringing out in the quiet space. When did Daniel have time to write the note and put the book back on the shelf? And how does he always know what Max needs? He hits Call on Daniel’s name and stares at the End Call button as it rings once, twice, three times. Just as Max is reaching out to hang up, Daniel’s groggy voice comes over the line.

“’lo? Max?”

Max hits End Call and squeezes his eyes shut. He’s an idiot. Daniel doesn’t want to hear from him just because he can’t deal with a stupid nightmare. Hopefully Daniel will just think it was an accidental call and go back to sleep. Max will be fine.

He’s still sitting beside the bookcase, trying to convince himself to get up and go back to bed when he hears a key in the lock and the door opening.

“Max?”

He hears Daniel go into the bedroom looking for him and then Daniel is standing at the door. He’s wearing boxers and an Enchanté sweater and his shoes are untied.

“Oh darling. Are you okay?” He walks slowly towards Max as he talks. Max flinches when Daniel crosses the invisible line his brain deems safe, even though Daniel is still a few feet away. Daniel freezes.

“I’m sorry!” Max cries. He knows this Daniel isn’t the mean Daniel from his nightmare, so he shouldn’t be reacting like this. Now he’s woken up Daniel and made him feel bad.

Daniel crouches down. “It’s okay, darling. I’d like to hug you if you’re okay with that, but I’ll stay right here until you say I can.”

“Please?”

“Please hug you?”

Max nods and Daniel slowly moves towards him. As soon as he gets close enough, Max lunges towards him, and Daniel catches him and wraps him up in a hug.

Max tries to keep it together, but Daniel is so warm and welcoming, so different from the Daniel in his nightmare. Max sobs before he can stop himself and Daniel pulls him closer. Max buries his face in Daniel’s shoulder and Daniel strokes his back.

“Oh darling. You’re safe, you’re important, and you’re so good.”

“I’m good?” Max whispers.

“You are. You’re so good.”

“You won’t punish me?”

“No, never.”

“No spanking or hitting?”

“Never.”

“And you’ll always hug me and talk to me and you won’t laugh at me?”

Daniel’s arms tighten around Max. “I’ll always hug you and talk to you and I’ll never laugh at you. I promise, Max.”

Max buries his face in Daniel’s neck again and Daniel keeps stroking his back.

Eventually Max takes a deep breath and pulls away, embarrassed. “Sorry. I’m okay. It was just a nightmare. You can go.”

Daniel doesn’t let go. “Max, you’re literally shaking. I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to.”

“I’ll be fine. You can go back to bed. I’m sorry for calling.”

“I’m not sorry you called. I have a nice warm bed and lots of blankets. Would you like to join me?”

Max thinks about his sweat-soaked and empty bed and of trying to sleep again without the real Daniel nearby and shudders. He nods.

“Alright, are you ready to go?”

Max nods again and Daniel helps him up. Max shivers when Daniel stops hugging him and Daniel pulls off his sweater and helps Max put it on. Max almost starts crying again at the sweater’s warmth and how Daniel gave it to him without any hesitation.

“Okay, let’s go,” Daniel says. “Where are Kanga, Roo, and Mousie?”

“I don’t need them; I’m not little.”

“Please? I want them for you. Can you show me where they are?”

Max walks into his bedroom, Daniel staying right behind him. Daniel picks up Kanga, with Roo and Mousie in her pouch, leads Max to the door, and helps him put on his shoes. He holds Max’s hand as he guides Max down the stairs and into Daniel’s flat.

“Do you need anything other than bed? Bathroom, a snack, anything?”

Max shakes his head.

Daniel guides him into the bedroom. “Do you want your pajamas, darling?”

Max nods and Daniel helps him get changed into his little pajamas. Max isn’t little, but they’re warm and comforting. Max climbs into the bed and Daniel climbs in behind him, putting Kanga in Max’s arms and wrapping his arms around Max to make him the little spoon.

Daniel hums a lullaby and Max tries to relax, but every time he closes his eyes, memories of the nightmare come back, Daniel’s mean face as he laughed at Max’s tears, the impact of Daniel’s hand on Maxy’s body. But it’s late and Daniel needs his sleep, so Max gives up on closing his eyes and just stares at the wall, trying to control the shivers that are still running through him.

It hasn’t been long before Daniel whispers, “Max?”

Max rolls away from Daniel. “I’m sorry! I can go back to my place!”

“Shhhh, darling. It’s okay.” Daniel reaches out and turns on the bedside light. “I imagine the dark isn’t helping.” He pauses for a second. “Oh, here!” He gets up and goes to his dresser and pulls out a matching kangaroo nightlight to the one at Max’s. “Sorry, I meant to plug this in before.” He plugs it in and the sleeping kangaroo glows faintly in the dim light.

Daniel gets back into bed. “Alright, Max, how can I help?”

Max shakes his head helplessly. Daniel’s already doing so much, and Max is asking so much of him.

“Hey, I can see your brain going to mean places. I’m so glad you called me. Can I tell you a story? Does my voice help?”

Max nods.

“Thank you for telling me, darling. Anything else?”

Max hesitates, but he knows Daniel truly wants to know what he can do to help. “Can I see you? I can’t stop seeing the mean you from my nightmare when I close my eyes. And…”

“And, darling?”

“I keep feeling you hitting me,” he whispers.

A shudder runs though Daniel and Max cringes. “I’m sorry!”

“No, darling, you didn’t do anything wrong." Daniel's voice is gentle. "I’m sorry you’re going through this. Of course you can see me. I’m so proud of you for asking. You can hug Kanga and I’ll tell you a story. You just close your eyes if you can, okay? There’s no rush, Max; no need to worry about anything.”

Daniel goes to put Kanga in Max’s arms, then freezes. “Can I give you Kanga?”

Max nods and Daniel puts Kanga in Max’s arms. Daniel pulls his hands away and Max lets out a noise that can only be described as a whimper.

Daniel freezes again. “Darling? Do you want me to touch you?”

Max nods, then can’t hold back a shiver.

“Just one hand on your side, okay? Gentle touches only. Absolutely no hitting ever, I promise.”

Daniel waits, unmoving, until Max nods. After he does, Daniel slowly reaches out and rubs his hand up and down Max’s side. The touch is gentle, just like he promised.

Max focuses on Daniel’s soft touch, then gathers his courage and reaches out and takes Daniel’s other hand and holds it against his face.

Daniel smiles and gently strokes Max’s cheek. “You’re so brave, Max. Thank you for trusting me. I’ll tell you a story now, okay, darling?”

Max nods and Daniel tells him a story about a road trip in Australia.

Max watches Daniel’s animated face as he describes the landscape in detail. Daniel’s gentle hands on Max help to wash away the sickening feeling of violence, and the bad images in Max’s head slowly get replaced with sunbaked red dirt, blue skies stretching to all edges of the horizon, and starry night skies.

“Daniel?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Can we go on a road trip there one day?”

“Of course.”

“That would be nice,” Max says sleepily.

“I think so too. You try to dream about it, okay?”

“Okay.”

Daniel’s voice follows Max into his dreams.

Max wakes to a sunlit room with his head in Daniel’s lap. Daniel’s hands are stroking his hair. He vaguely remembers waking up panicked shortly after falling asleep, but Daniel’s voice and gentle hands quickly lulled him back to sleep.

“Good morning,” Max says.

“Good morning, Max. How are you feeling?”

“Okay.” Max thinks about apologizing, but he knows what Daniel will say. “I—Thanks.”

Daniel pets Max’s hair. “No problem, darling. Do you have nightmares often?”

“No. I haven’t had one in months. But when I do, they’re…not good.”

“Yeah, I could tell. This one was about me?”

Max shudders. “Yeah. You were…mean.”

“I’m so sorry that happened. Thank you for letting me help.”

“I can’t believe you came to my place.”

“Of course I did. I didn’t know what was wrong. Did you really think you’d call and hang up and I’d just go back to sleep without knowing if you were okay?” Daniel sounds sad.

Max hides his head. “No. I knew you’d come if you could. But…”

“But?”

“I don’t know why. And…mean Daniel wouldn’t have.”

Daniel’s voice gets gentle and he strokes his hand down Max’s back. “I’ll always help you if I can, because you’re you, Max."

“Oh.”

“And no matter how real it seemed, the mean Daniel from your nightmare isn’t real. I’ll never punish you and I’ll always hug you.”

Max reaches up and squeezes Daniel’s knee. “I thought I knew that. Why doesn’t my brain know that?”

“Because brains are mean sometimes. And your brain is trying to protect you from the past.”

“That’s stupid. It can’t change stuff that has already happened.”

“Yeah, but your brain doesn’t own a calendar. It’s trying its best, but sometimes its best is accidentally mean. And progress isn’t a straight line - sometimes it’s two steps forward, one step back. Last night was just a little step back.”

“I thought the saying was ‘one step forward, two steps back.’”

Daniel laughs. “Yeah, I think you’re right. But that isn’t as nice to think of. And you are making steps forward. If your subconscious needs a bit longer to realize it’s safe, that’s okay. We have lots of time and I have lots of hugs.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. Can you promise you’ll call me in the future if you have another nightmare?”

“I don’t have them very often!”

“Well then, you’re not really agreeing to much, are you?”

Max stays silent.

“Please, darling? I don’t want to worry about you having a nightmare and trying to go back to sleep by yourself.”

“You would?”

“Would what?”

Max wasn’t expecting to have to clarify. “Worry about me,” he whispers.

Daniel smiles at him, a soft, tender smile that Max tries to lock into his memory.

“Yeah, I would.”

“Oh. Okay, I’ll call.”

“Thank you.” Daniel’s smile is bigger now, but still so warm.

Daniel pets his hair and Max can’t help himself from reaching up, taking Daniel’s hand, and bringing it to his face. Daniel’s hand cups his face and his thumb gently strokes Max’s cheek. Max glances at him and Daniel’s still looking at him like Max is precious.

Max can feel tears coming to his eyes, overwhelmed by Daniel’s warmth and support. He closes his eyes, but he can feel a tear escaping. Maybe Daniel won’t notice.

“Max?” Daniel’s voice is worried.

“It’s just—it’s good,” Max forces out.

“Ah. Okay. Just a lot?”

Max nods.

“But they’re good tears?”

Max nods again.

“I’m glad, darling.” Daniel keeps stroking his cheeks, gently brushing away the tears that Max can’t stop. Daniel starts humming a lullaby and pets Max’s hair with his free hand.

Max is most of the way to sleep when he remembers his schedule for today — he knows he has something scheduled, and he thinks Daniel has something too. “Do we have time?”

Daniel’s voice is soft. “Yeah, it’s still early. I’ll wake you up in time; don’t worry. Go back to sleep if you want, darling. I’m here.”

Max leans his head into Daniel’s hand and lets Daniel’s soft touch and quiet humming carry him to sleep.

Max wakes up to Daniel’s gentle hands running through his hair.

“Daniel?”

“Hey, darling. Time to get up soon, but there’s no rush. How are you feeling?”

“Better. I—thanks.”

“No problem. Do you know what it was that made it a lot for you?”

Max doesn’t know what to answer, so he takes Daniel’s hand and brings it to his face again.

Daniel runs his thumb over Max’s cheek. “Because of me doing this?”

Max nods, careful to not dislodge Daniel’s hand. “And…you smiling.” Max glances up at Daniel and his smile has the same warmth as before. “Nightmare-you didn’t do that,” he whispers, then shivers. “Well, not in a nice way.”

Daniel cups Max’s face with his hand. “I’m so glad I could help. Thank you for letting me.”

“Daniel?”

“Yes?”

“How did you know I’d need the bunny book last night?”

“I didn’t. But I knew you’d want it eventually, so I wanted to make sure it was there when you did. Even if there’s not a note, you can always call me, but I know the notes help you feel like you can.”

“I—” Max’s voice cracks and Daniel strokes his thumb over Max’s cheek. “I was so glad to see it on the bookshelf.”

“I’m so glad it was there.”

“Me too. Thank you.”

“Thanks for calling me, Max. You always can.”

“Thanks for answering.”

“Of course.”

“Daniel?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for being you.”

“Thank you for being you, darling.”

Eventually they get out of bed and eat breakfast. Daniel stays within Max’s reach most of the time, something Max is grateful for.

They’re finishing up breakfast when Daniel asks, “Do you want to be little today? Not the whole day, I know we both have things planned, but from dinner on?”

“Sure? Why?”

“I’d like to make sure little Max is okay with the nightmare too.”

“Oh. He probably is. Huh. Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Are you okay with that?”

“Of course.”

“Alright. I’ll come over at 6?”

“Sounds perfect.”

They clean up after breakfast and Max puts on his shoes to head back to his apartment. Daniel stops him at the door with open arms for a long hug.

“You’re so good, Max. I’ll never punish you or little Max and will always hug you and talk to you. And I’ll never laugh at you.”

Max hugs him back. “Thank you,” he whispers.

“You can text or call if you want to at any time today. I’ll be sure to keep my phone on.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will, darling. But if you want reassurance at any time, I’m just a phone call away.”

Max gives Daniel a final squeeze in thanks, then pulls away. “I’ll see you at 6?”

“Yup! Have a good day!”

Max stares at his phone. Daniel’s texted him three times already, once right after Max walked out the door with a reiteration that he could call or text at any time, and twice with memes that made Max smile.

He was fine all morning, but now they’ve broken for lunch and he’s alone with his thoughts. He thinks Daniel would say his brain was being mean to him again, presenting him with scenes from the nightmare and then adding that Daniel was probably irritated that he had to deal with Max like that. He’s trying to remember how supportive Daniel was, but his brain’s not listening.

Max’s phone buzzes with a text.

Hey darling. Hope you’re having a good day. I’m on lunch now and would love to hear from you if you’re on lunch too.

Max reads it twice to make sure he read it correctly. He thinks Daniel is probably humouring him, but Daniel said he wanted to hear from him. Max can do that.

He really wants to see Daniel as well as hear his voice, so he hits video call on his phone.

“Hi Max!” Daniel’s smiling face comes into view and Max is surprised by a rush of tears.

“Max?” Daniel’s voice is worried and so warm, which really doesn’t help the tears.

Max tries to smile, but Daniel still looks concerned.

“Is this like this morning’s tears?”

Max nods, then makes a talking gesture with his hand.

“You want me to talk?” Daniel asks.

“Please?” Max whispers around the lump in his throat and Daniel smiles.

“Alright.” He tells Max about his morning and the ridiculousness of the photoshoot he’s doing. It’s the sort of thing that Daniel loves doing, and Max loves seeing him so happy.

“Daniel?” Max asks when Daniel’s taken a break in his story.

“Yes?”

“Thanks.”

“Thanks for calling, darling. I love talking with you.”

Max smiles. “What happened next in your story?”

Daniel continues his story and Max sits and watches his face, wishing he was there in person to hug him. But this, this is good too.

Daniel starts checking the hallway at 5:45. He knows that after last night, Max won’t knock if he’s early. Sure enough, Max comes down the hall a few minutes later, sees Daniel and flinches, then immediately starts apologizing.

“I’m sorry I’m early! I’ll go back to my flat.”

Daniel opens the door all the way. “Please come in, darling? It’s okay that you’re early.” He’s just going to ignore the flinch for now. He’s pretty sure it’s because of the nightmare and not Max’s true feelings, especially given Max’s reactions to Daniel’s gentleness earlier today.

Max hesitantly walks in. He doesn’t brush against Daniel like he usually does, and he still looks pretty tired.

“How was your day?” Daniel asks. He only heard a tiny bit about Max’s day on their lunch call, as most of it was spent with Daniel talking. But that’s what Max asked for, so Daniel was more than happy to oblige.

“It was okay. Thanks for picking up the phone.”

“Always, Max. Thank you for calling. How do you feel about tacos for dinner? I thought little you could help me make them.”

“Oh, that sounds nice.”

“Awesome. Do you want to be little now or do you want to wait a bit?”

“I can be little now. But…” Max trails off.

“But?”

“…Can I have a hug first?”

“Of course, darling. Thank you for asking.”

Daniel opens his arms to Max, and Max hugs him and rests his head on Daniel’s shoulder. Daniel keeps hugging him until Max finally pulls away.

“Thank you.”

“No problem. Do you even want to be little today? We can do it on a different day if you’d prefer.”

“No, I want to! I just…needed a hug first.”

Max looks sad and a bit lost and Daniel wants to hug him again, but he’s not going to make any sudden moves towards Max for a while. He’s still not 100% sure of the details of the nightmare, but Max’s flinch away from him last night and again today painted a decent picture, as did Max’s sobbed pleas for reassurance last night and tears today.

Daniel opens his arms, offering another hug, and Max steps straight back into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” Max says after a bit, not letting go of Daniel at all.

“Nothing to be sorry for. Do you want to cuddle on the couch for a while?”

Max nods and Daniel guides him over to sit on the couch. Max cuddles into Daniel, and Daniel wraps his arms around him.

“Thank you for letting me hug you, darling. That nightmare was pretty upsetting, wasn’t it?”

Max nods. “I just—I couldn’t understand why it was happening, why you were doing that.”

“Nightmare-me punished you?”

Max shivers. “Yeah. And then you laughed at me when I cried.”

Daniel gently squeezes his arms a bit tighter around Max, and Max burrows closer. “Oh darling, I’m so sorry that happened. I’m so glad you called me yesterday, and I’m so proud of you. You can know something isn’t real, but that doesn’t make it less scary.”

“I just needed to see the real you.”

“And I came right away and hugged you. I’ll never punish you and I’ll never laugh at you, especially for crying.”

“Thank you,” Max whispers.

“Thank you for letting me comfort you. I’m so so proud of you.”

Max rests his head on Daniel’s chest and Daniel gently strokes his hair. “Why don’t you take a nap, darling? We can make tacos when you wake up, okay?”

“Okay.” Max closes his eyes and Daniel strokes his back. Max reaches out, grasping for something, so Daniel puts his other hand into Max’s hand. Max smiles and grips Daniel’s hand and his body slowly goes lax against Daniel.

Max pulls Daniel’s hand up to his face in his sleep and Daniel is hit with a sudden memory of the very first time Max accidentally called him Daddy on the plane, and right after that, the first time a peacefully sleeping Max held Daniel’s hand to his face. Daniel smiles, shifts a bit to get more comfortable, and closes his eyes. Despite the minor nightmare setback, he’s so glad they’re here.

“Daddy?”

Maxy’s voice pulls Daniel from sleep.

“Yes, darling?”

Maxy is still pressed against him and is wiggling with excitement. “Daddy! Can we make tacos now?”

Daniel yawns and rolls his neck. “Of course, Maxy.”

“Yay!!” Maxy jumps off the couch and runs into the kitchen.

Maxy is holding their aprons when Daniel comes into the kitchen. Daniel had them custom-made — one has Mousie on it, and the other has Kanga and Roo. Daniel always lets Maxy pick the one he wants when they cook, and he wears the other one.

“Which apron do you want today, Maxy?”

“Mousie!”

“Awesome! Daddy gets Kanga and Roo!”

Daniel helps Maxy tie his apron and then pulls his own on. “Alright, Maxy, ready to cook?”

“Yeah!”

“Okay, first we need ingredients.” Daniel opens the fridge and takes the ingredients out one by one, passing them to Maxy.

“Beef.”

“Beef!”

“Cheese.”

“Cheese!”

“Tomatoes.”

“’Matoes!”

“Lettuce.”

“Green stuff!”

Daniel laughs and closes the fridge.

“Alright, darling, Daddy is going to cook the beef on the stove. But it’s hot, okay?”

“Okay. Maxy helps?”

“The stove is very hot, so Daddy’s going to do that. But you can wash the lettuce and tear it up, okay? I’ll help you.”

“Green stuff! Yeah!”

Daniel puts the beef on the stove to cook and helps Maxy wash the lettuce and carry it to the table.

“Okay, Maxy, you can tear it up now!”

Maxy carefully rips a piece of lettuce in half and looks at Daniel.

“Just like that! Now rip them again and make them smaller!”

Maxy does it again, a bit less carefully.

“There you go, darling! And again!”

Maxy rips the pieces again and again until they’re small enough for tacos. By the end, he’s shredding them with abandon.

“Perfect, Maxy! Can you put those in the bowl and do that to the rest of the leaves?”

Maxy grins at Daniel. “Yeah!”

“Alright. Daddy’s going to cut up the tomatoes while you do that.”

“’Matoes! Okay!”

Daniel cuts up the tomatoes while Maxy shreds the rest of the lettuce leaf by leaf, carefully putting it into the bowl.

“Is this good, Daddy?”

Daniel looks at how Maxy is doing. “Yes, darling, very good.”

Daniel stirs the beef and gets the taco seasoning and water ready. He brings the cheese grater to the table. Maxy is finished shredding the lettuce and looks at Daniel expectantly.

“Do you want to help Daddy grate the cheese? You have to be very careful; the grater is sharp.”

“Maxy will be very careful, Daddy.”

Daniel holds the cheese closest to the grater and wraps Maxy’s hand around his. They run the cheese carefully down the grater and cheese falls out the other side.

“Good job, darling! Do you want to do it again?”

Maxy nods, and they run the cheese over the grater until there’s a pile of cheese.

“Perfect! Can you put the grated cheese into this bowl?”

Maxy puts the cheese into the bowl while Daniel puts the grater in the sink and checks the meat.

“Can you help Daddy with the meat now?”

“But it’s hot!”

“I know. But Daddy will be right beside you. You can only do this when Daddy’s here, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy.”

“Can you pour the water and seasoning on top of the meat?”

Maxy picks up the water with both hands and carefully pours it over the meat, but a bit of it splashes. Maxy jumps back from the stove, nearly falling backwards before Daniel catches him. “I’m sorry, Daddy!”

Daniel hugs him. “You did just fine, darling. Sometimes it splashes, but that’s okay. Do you want to add the seasoning now?”

Maxy looks at him with surprise. “Maxy can?”

“Of course, Maxy! You’re my sous-chef!”

Maxy picks up the seasoning and sprinkles it over the meat. “Maxy is Daddy’s sous-chef!” He says the word carefully, like he hasn’t heard it before.

“You are! Do you want to help Daddy stir the meat now?”

“But it’s hot!”

“I know. But you can help Daddy. Just don’t touch the stove or the pan with your hands or body, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy.”

Daniel grips the spoon and wraps Maxy’s hand around his, and they carefully stir in the water and seasoning.

He steps away from the stove when they’re done, guiding Maxy with him. “You did it, Maxy!!”

“Maxy did it! Maxy is Daddy’s…what, Daddy?”

Daniel beams at Maxy hunting for the new word and asking for help. “My sous-chef!”

“Daddy’s sous-chef!!”

“Exactly, Maxy! Can you set the table? We only need plates and glasses.”

“Maxy sets the table!”

Daniel puts the tortillas on a baking pan and puts them in the oven to warm them up.

“If you sit down when you’re done, I’ll bring the taco stuff to you as soon as it’s done and we can make them and eat!”

Maxy finishes setting the table and sits in his chair. He’s clearly trying his best to wait patiently, but he wiggles in the chair as he watches Daniel at the stove.

Daniel stirs the beef until it’s done, and pulls the pan out of the oven as soon as the tortillas start to brown.

“All done!”

He puts the meat and tortillas in bowls to avoid having hot pans near Maxy and carries them to the table, putting them next to the toppings they already prepared.

“Okay, darling, let me help you take off your apron, and then it’s time to make your taco!”

Maxy stands up and lets Daniel help him take off his apron. “Maxy makes the taco?”

Daniel takes off his apron as well and puts a bib on Maxy. “Of course! Here, you start with a taco and some meat. I’ll do the meat for now, because it’s still pretty hot.”

He puts a tortilla on Maxy’s plate and one on his own and then puts meat on both.

“Okay, now you add anything else you want!”

Maxy carefully scoops tomatoes onto his tortilla, then looks at the cheese and lettuce.

“What’s wrong, Maxy?”

“There’s no spoon?”

“No, darling, you can use your hands!”

Maxy’s eyes go wide. “Okay!” He scoops some lettuce onto his tortilla and then sprinkles cheese on it.

“Good job! Now you fold it in half and eat it! Here, watch me.”

Daniel quickly adds toppings to his own taco, folds it in half and starts eating. Maxy watches closely and follows suit, but he tilts his head all the way to the side to eat his taco.

Daniel smiles. “Darling, you can tilt the taco if you don’t want to tilt your head that far.”

“Oh.” Maxy laughs. “Yeah, I can!” He tilts his head back to normal and keeps eating.

“Daddy?” Maxy says after Daniel’s about halfway done his taco.

Daniel looks at Maxy and stifles a laugh. Taco sauce is running down both of Maxy’s arms and his chin. Daniel jumps up and grabs a washcloth.

“Oh no, Maxy! I think the sauce has too much sauce in it!” He cleans up Maxy’s arms and wipes his chin.

“The sauce is too saucy, Daddy!!”

“It is, isn’t it? Here, here’s how you can fold your tortilla so it holds the liquid in better.” He refolds Maxy’s taco so it has some tortilla blocking the end. “See, darling, if you hold it like this, the tortilla blocks most of the sauce from running away.” He shows Maxy, then hands him the taco and rearranges his hands to fit better.

This time when Maxy takes a bite, most of the liquid stays in the tortilla and only a small bit escapes.

“See, that’s better. Next time Daddy will cook off more of the liquid.”

“But Maxy was still a good…sous-chef?” Maxy stumbles over the word, but remembers it this time.

“Absolutely! You were a great sous-chef! And now you’ve found a way to make the tacos even better next time! Good job, darling!”

Maxy beams and eats the rest of his taco.

Daniel wipes Maxy’s hands and face. “Do you want another taco?”

“Yes, please.”

Daniel puts another tortilla on Maxy’s plate, lets him cover it with toppings, then helps him fold it so it won’t leak as much.

Maxy eats it and Daniel eats his. When Maxy finishes, Daniel wipes his face and hands again. “Do you want another taco, Maxy?”

“No, thank you. Maxy’s tummy is full, Daddy!”

“Okay, Daddy is going to eat one more taco, okay? You can sit at the table and wait for Daddy, or go play with your animals.”

“Animals!!” He looks at Daniel. “Is that okay, Daddy?”

“Of course, darling. I’ll join you as soon as I’m done eating.”

Daniel watches as Maxy grabs Kanga, then goes to the wooden chest that Daniel got to store his little stuff. He pulls out his Duplo animals box, sits on the floor, and dumps out the box. After carefully arranging Kanga, Roo, and Mousie around him, he unfolds the map and sings to himself as he places the animals on their proper countries.

Daniel finishes his taco and throws the leftovers in the fridge and the dishes in the dishwasher. He walks into the living room and Maxy lights up. “Daddy!”

Daniel sits down beside him. “Hi, Maxy! What are you doing?”

“I’m putting the animals in the right places.”

“Can Daddy help?”

“Maybe.” Maxy sounds dubious.

Daniel laughs. Sounds like Maxy remembers Daniel’s…creativity at placing the animals in their proper places. Daniel had to spend a lot of time with the included guide when he first gave Maxy this Duplo set, making sure each animal went to the right place. Since then, Maxy has memorized the guide, but Daniel thinks those were more guidelines than rules. Maxy will grant him some leeway (“There are turtles everywhere, Maxy!”), but not on the obvious ones. Still, Daniel has to try.

“The koala goes in…Canada?”

“Daadddyy!”

“Right, right. It goes in Brazil!”

“Daddy, no!” Maxy says, laughing.

“Oh, it goes in Monaco with Maxy!”

Maxy looks at the koala and looks at Daniel. He takes the koala and puts it on the map in Monaco. “Okay. But just for a visit.”

Daniel grins. “Right. And then it goes back to Antarctica!”

“Daddy, no!! It lives in Australia!”

“Oh yeah! Is this Australia?” He points to South America.

“Daddy!! Why are you so silly??”

“I don’t know, Maxy. I must have gotten an extra helping of silliness.”

Maxy laughs and hands Daniel a polar bear, which Daniel promptly puts in South Africa. “Daaaaaadddddyyyy!!!”

They keep playing for a while. Maxy hasn’t brought up the nightmare yet, and Daniel kind of wants to ignore it, but he needs to make sure that it’s not Maxy thinking he can’t talk about it. “Maxy, do you remember the nightmare that big you had?”

Maxy keeps playing with his animals. “That was mean Daniel.”

“Not mean Daddy?”

Maxy turns to look at Daniel. “No! Daddy’s not mean!”

“No, he’s not. What did you think of mean Daniel, sweetheart?”

Maxy goes back to his animals. “Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Mean Daniel’s not real.”

“No, he’s not, darling. But sometimes things that aren’t real can still be scary. I just want to make sure you’re not scared.”

Maxy shuffles over to snuggle into Daniel. “Maxy was scared. But then Daddy came. And mean Daniel isn’t Daddy. Daddy gives me hugs.”

Daniel puts his arm around Maxy and Maxy leans in.

“I’m glad you’re not scared anymore. I’ll always give you hugs.”

Maxy kisses Daniel’s cheek. “I know. I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you too, Maxy.”

Maxy goes back to playing with his animals and passes Daniel a giraffe to put on the map, still snuggled into him.

Daniel strokes his arm. Daniel hadn’t seen this outcome when he was hugging a distraught Max last night, but he’s so glad little Max seems to be okay, and he thinks adult Max is getting there.

Daniel smiles, then reaches out and places the giraffe in Australia.

“Daaaaaddddyyyyy!!!!”

Max wakes up and slips out of bed to use the bathroom. When he gets back, Daniel is still asleep, and Max lies there staring at him. Watching Daniel sleep is very soothing.

Daniel wakes up and stretches. “Good morning, darling.”

“Good morning.” Max waits for Daniel to talk, but Daniel seems content to stay quiet. “So, I guess Maxy was more okay with the nightmare than I was.” Max is a bit embarrassed. He’s supposed to be the adult, but he’s the one who ended up sobbing in Daniel’s arms and needing tons of reassurance throughout the day yesterday.

“Hey, come here.” Daniel pats his own chest.

Max thinks about Daniel gently tugging him onto his chest the morning after Maxy’s birthday and misses it, but he’s also really glad that Daniel is using his words and not his actions today. Max can tell he’s still a bit twitchy about unexpected movements, especially from Daniel. But it’s dumb to be twitchy because of a stupid nightmare. He can push through it.

“I’m sorry for flinching away from you. I know you won’t hurt me. You can still touch me without asking first — I’ll get used to it.” Max tenses as soon as he says that, expecting Daniel to reach out.

Daniel doesn’t move. “Yeah, I’m not going to do that. I know you know I won’t hurt you, but sometimes your subconscious just needs a bit of extra patience. But that’s okay, darling. I’m happy to ask until your brain remembers it’s safe.”

Max can’t help the relief that goes through him as Daniel continues to stay still. But…“Doesn’t that hurt your feelings?”

“Not at all. I happen to look a lot like mean Daniel, even if he’s not real. Your brain is doing its best to protect you.”

“It’s not doing a very good job,” Max says grumpily.

“It might feel like that, but it’s trying its best and I’m not going to make its job any harder. So, you’re welcome to stay there, or you can lie closer to me, or put your head on my chest. Whatever you want.”

Max slides closer, then quickly moves so he’s resting his head on Daniel’s chest. Daniel slowly raises his arm so he can pet Max’s hair, and Max lets out a long breath. He closes his eyes and listens to Daniel’s heartbeat, strong and steady, as Daniel’s gentle fingers run through his hair.

“Darling, about little Max being more okay with the nightmare than you were, who had the nightmare?”

“…I did.”

“And little Max got to deal with it after you already had, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So, little Max got a memory that had already been smoothed over and that you had already dealt with a lot of the negativity of, right?”

“…I guess.”

“Do you think that’s why little Max was okay with the nightmare, because you had already done the hard work?”

“Sobbing in your arms is hard work?” Max asks. He can’t keep the derision out of his voice.

“Dealing with a very upsetting situation and asking for help with it sounds like hard work to me,” Daniel says calmly.

“Oh.”

Daniel keeps petting his hair and Max nudges his head into it so Daniel scratches his head. Daniel obliges, and Max reaches out and takes Daniel’s other hand with his own. He squeezes and Daniel gently squeezes back.

“So, I made things better for Maxy?” Max asks quietly.

“Yeah, you did.”

“Oh. That’s good.”

“Yeah. I think sometimes you make things easier for little Max and sometimes little Max makes things easier for you.”

“Oh. That’s not so bad.”

“No, darling. It’s not.”

Daniel keeps petting Max’s hair and Max rests his head on Daniel’s chest and closes his eyes. After a while, he sighs. “It’s just…frustrating.”

Daniel squeezes his hand. “I can see why it would be. But the other day, you agreed with me that both you and little Max were good. Do you still agree?”

Max hesitates, then nods. “Yes,” he whispers.

“That sounds like progress to me.”

“But I flinch away from you when you try to hug me!”

“Here we are, hugging, and you’re not flinching.”

“You know what I mean!”

“Yeah, but I’m serious. So it takes us a little longer to get like this and it needs a bit more verbal communication. That’s okay with me.”

“But we were so good!”

“We are so good. We haven’t lost anything; I promise. And this won’t be permanent; the nightmare is already less vivid, right?”

Max nods.

“So, it will get less and less big in your brain until your brain remembers it’s safe.”

“What if it happens again?”

“A nightmare?”

Max nods.

“Then you’ll call me like you promised and I’ll come hug you.”

“You will?”

“Whenever I can, yes. And if I’m not available to come in person for some reason, I’ll stay with you on the call. You can always call me, darling. Just like my notes say, anytime, day or night.”

Max moves his head so it’s resting over Daniel’s heart. Daniel waits until he’s done moving, then keeps petting Max’s hair.

“Thank you for coming when I called,” Max says quietly.

“Thank you so much for calling. I’m so proud of you.”

“Daniel?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for being you.”

“Thank you for being you, Max. I’m so lucky that I get to have this too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Spending time with you and little Max is one of the best parts of my life.”

“Oh. It’s one of the best parts of my life too.”

“Aren’t we lucky?” Max can hear the smile in Daniel’s voice.

Max can’t help but smile too. “Yeah.” He brings Daniel’s hand up to his face and Daniel gently strokes his cheek. “Yeah, we are.”

Chapter Text

(In the picture, Daniel's handwritten note reads “Hi darling, I hope you're having...” The rest of the note is covered by the book “Daddy Loves You”.)

Max reads the note and smiles. Daniel is so good at looking out for him. But Max is doing well. He and Daniel have their regular little time together and it’s really good, and Max’s adult life is going pretty well too.

But…he knows things haven’t been going great for Daniel recently. Max reads the note again. Maybe he can do something for Daniel instead.

He calls Daniel.

“Hi, Max!”

“Hi. I found your note.”

“And you called! Good job, darling!”

“Yeah, but I’m good. Did you want to come over? Tonight or tomorrow? I’ll provide dinner.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes. I promise. I just thought it might be nice to hang out?” He changes it to a question at the very end, suddenly not sure if he’s overstepping.

“Oh. Yeah, I’d like that. Sure.” Daniel sounds surprised and pleased and Max relaxes. “See you at 6 tonight?”

“Sounds good.” Max hangs up the phone, smiling at how happy Daniel sounded to be invited.

Max decides to copy Daniel by ordering from Daniel’s comfort food restaurant, a Texas style burger and barbecue place. He’s not sure why a place like that exists in Monaco, but he knows Daniel goes there when he wants food ‘that feels like a hug’. He orders a selection of burgers and barbecued meat, wanting Daniel to have lots of choices.

He puts down his phone and looks around the apartment. Daniel was here literally two days ago, but Max still walks around, tidying everything up and moving stuff so it’s perfect. He paces around the apartment once he’s done, then moves everything back to where it was. He paces around some more and starts to move everything again before he swears at himself and forces himself to sit down at his simulator. He hugs his arms around himself and takes deep breaths. Daniel isn’t going to judge him for how his apartment looks. Daniel isn’t going to judge him at all. Max knows that. He loads the track for the upcoming race and settles into driving.

He thinks he’s done a good job of distracting himself from his nerves until the doorbell rings and he jumps in surprise and crashes straight into a wall. He sits there for a few seconds, staring at the virtual wall, then forces himself out of the simulator. He’s looking forward to this evening. Daniel said he wanted to come over. It’s going to go well. He’s allowed to invite Daniel over, even if Max doesn’t need any help from him.

The doorbell was the food arriving. Max tips the guy well and brings it in and unpacks it. The room smells just like the barbecue place that Daniel took Max to in Austin and he can feel his shoulders lowering at the memory. Daniel had been so excited to show Max the place he loved that Max couldn’t help loving it too.

There’s a knock on the door and Max jumps. He opens it and this time, it’s Daniel. Max smiles at the sight of him.

“Thank you for inviting me,” Daniel starts, then his eyes widen and he sniffs the air. “Did you get—” he walks past Max into the kitchen and sees the food. “Max, you didn’t have to—”

“Hey, Daniel, if you knew your friend was having a hard time and you knew some food that would cheer them up, wouldn’t you get it for them?”

Daniel’s already shaking his head and laughing before Max is finished talking. “Okay. I’m glad you heard me that time.”

“I always hear you.”

Daniel looks at him and Max looks down. That was too sincere for a light-hearted dinner. He’s trying to be normal, but he’s screwing everything up. He curls in on himself, braced for criticism.

“Hey, Max?” Daniel’s voice is gentle. Max looks up and Daniel’s arms are open, inviting him into a hug. He steps into it and Daniel wraps his arms around him. Max takes a deep breath and blows it out, resting his head on Daniel’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry for being so awkward.”

Daniel gently squeezes him. “Thank you for inviting me, darling. What a nice way to spend the evening.”

“Oh,” Max says. “Really?”

“Of course. I get to hang out with my favourite person and I get delicious food. What could be better?”

Max’s brain stutters on the words ‘my favourite person’. He’s Daniel’s favourite person? Him? Daniel is of course Max’s favourite person, but he’s Daniel’s? He pulls away and looks at Daniel, who’s looking back at him with the same fond expression Max often sees on his face when he’s looking at Max.

“Me?” Max asks.

Daniel looks confused for a second and Max realizes he didn’t reply to Daniel’s question. He’s about to clarify when Daniel’s face clears and he smiles. “Yes, you, Max.”

“Oh,” Max says, very pleased. “You of course are my favourite person too.”

Daniel’s face lights up and Max feels his awkward nervousness melt away. This is Daniel, Max’s favourite person. And…Max is Daniel’s favourite person. Daniel said so.

Max hugs Daniel again and Daniel tightens his arms around him.

“Thank you, Max. It was really nice of you to do this.”

Max rests his head on Daniel’s shoulder again for a few seconds, then pulls away. “Alright, let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Daniel smiles and sits down at the table. “This looks delicious. Thank you.”

“I thought you might like it,” Max says shyly.

Daniel grins. “I love it. Thanks for thinking of it.”

They eat dinner, with Daniel making happy noises over the food. Max enjoys Daniel’s happiness even more than he enjoys the food.

Once they’ve cleaned up after dinner, Max steers Daniel to the couch to watch a movie. He curls up next to Daniel on the couch and Daniel puts his arm around Max’s shoulder. Max copies Daniel again and puts on a nature documentary he knows Daniel has already seen, so Daniel won’t get too involved.

Sure enough, when Max looks over at Daniel after the movie’s been playing for a while, he sees that Daniel’s fallen asleep. Without his inherent Danielness lighting up his face, he looks exhausted. His neck also looks like it will hurt if he stays like that for long. It’s still too early for Max to fall asleep, but he thinks Daniel would be more comfortable in bed and Max can watch something on his phone.

He turns off the TV and shakes Daniel gently, but Daniel just curls around him more, resting his head on Max’s shoulder. Max really doesn’t want him to have to wake up. But…Daniel has carried him to bed before and Max does the same training, so he can probably carry Daniel. He carefully slides out from under Daniel’s arm and kneels beside him, preparing to lift him. Then he stops and reconsiders. Daniel checked with him first when he carried Max, so Max should check with Daniel too, even if it would be easier to just carry him without asking. But Max doesn’t want to do anything without Daniel’s permission, just like Daniel always makes sure he has Max’s permission, so Max has to wake him up.

He shakes Daniel gently. “Daniel?”

Daniel blearily opens his eyes to look at him.

“Can I carry you to bed?”

Daniel struggles upright, out of the embrace of the couch. “I can walk!”

“Please? That way you can stay mostly asleep.”

Daniel smiles and Max thinks he can hear the echo of the words he used to ask to carry Max. “Yeah, okay.”

Max slides his arms under Daniel’s knees and back, lifting him as gently as possible. Daniel closes his eyes and relaxes in Max’s arms, obviously feeling safe. Max’s breath catches at Daniel’s trust in him.

He carries Daniel into the bedroom and lays him down on the bed. He’s not sure about removing Daniel’s pants, but he knows that Daniel usually sleeps in just underwear and would be more comfortable if Max removed them. He recognizes the ridiculousness of it, given how often Daniel dresses and undresses him, but it’s different.

Daniel seems to realize his dilemma, because he undoes the zipper of his pants and starts to kick them off, but gets stuck halfway when his pants get caught on his socks. “Maaaaxxx,” he whines and Max laughs and pulls his socks and pants the rest of the way off.

“Do you want your shirt off too?” Max asks quietly.

Daniel nods into the pillow and Max helps him pull it off and pulls the blanket over Daniel.

“Go back to sleep,” Max says. “I’ll be there right away.”

Daniel pats the empty space on the bed next to him and pouts.

Max laughs again. “Oh, alright. Right away isn’t soon enough?” Max asks, sitting down beside him. “Do you want me to pet your hair?”

Daniel nods, looking satisfied. He curls up next to Max and Max sinks his hands into Daniel’s curls, gently stroking them. Daniel tilts his head into Max’s hand like a cat, and Max thinks if he could, he’d be purring.

Max isn’t used to taking care of anyone; that’s usually Daniel’s role. But watching Daniel fall asleep while Max pets his hair makes Max feel warm inside. He did something nice for Daniel and it made Daniel happy. And now Daniel is sleeping. Max doesn’t think he’s been sleeping well lately, judging by how tired he looks. But he’s here, sleeping beside Max. And he’s not just tolerating Max’s presence, he asked Max to pet his hair and wanted Max beside him when he fell asleep. And... he said Max is his favourite person. Max is still having difficulty believing that, but watching Daniel sleep beside him so peacefully is going a long way to convince him.

Daniel snuffles in his sleep and curls closer to Max. Max had intended to watch something on his phone, but instead he sits there for a long time stroking Daniel’s hair while he watches him sleep.

Max eventually gets up to use the bathroom, brush his teeth, and change into pajama bottoms. When he comes back, Daniel has an arm stretched across the area where Max used to be. Max slips back into the bed, sliding under Daniel’s arm. Daniel wraps more around him and Max smiles and closes his eyes.

~~~

Max is awake before Daniel, despite going to sleep later. Max isn’t surprised though, given how tired Daniel looked. He sits in bed reading on his phone until Daniel shifts and stretches.

“Good sleep?”

Daniel stretches to his full reach and then relaxes. “Yeah. How long did I sleep for?”

“Like 12 hours.”

“Oof. I guess I really needed it.”

“Yeah.”

“I haven’t been sleeping great lately.”

“Yeah, I figured. I’m glad you could sleep here.” He reaches out and strokes his hand through Daniel’s hair again and Daniel leans into it, just like the night before.

“I can see why you like getting your hair petted so much when you’re big or little. It’s really nice.”

“It's nice doing it too,” Max says and Daniel smiles and nudges his head into Max's hands a bit more.

Max keeps petting Daniel’s hair until Daniel stretches again and blows out a long breath.

“Alright. Time to get up. Breakfast?” He looks up at Max and exaggeratedly bats his eyes at him like a princess in a Disney movie.

Max laughs. “Yes, there’s breakfast. I’ll get it ready.”

Daniel rolls out of bed and heads to the bathroom and Max gets up, throws on a sweater, and goes to the kitchen to make breakfast.

Daniel walks in as Max finishes up and Max hands him his food. They both sit at the table to eat, enjoying the quiet morning.

They finish eating and Max takes their dishes to the sink while Daniel stands up and stretches again. Max does the dishes, then looks over at Daniel and watches as his gaze jumps from Kanga, who’s sitting on the counter, then to Max, back to Kanga, and back to Max. Max thinks of how Daniel rarely asks for what he wants and how he’s only here because Max invited him over, even though it was clearly something he wanted.

“Daniel, do you want me to be little?”

Daniel jumps like he’s been caught doing something wrong. “I like hanging out with you as an adult!”

Max smiles. “I know that. And we've had a nice time together. But do you want me to be little now?”

Daniel looks embarrassed. “You don’t have to.”

Max knows he’s right about Daniel not asking for what he wants. “I’m offering. If you want to hang out with me or Maxy, you can always ask.”

“I just—I like being your daddy.”

Max walks slowly towards Daniel. He’s not usually the one who initiates touch with anyone when he’s an adult, but Daniel looks like he could use a hug. Daniel doesn’t back up and Max wraps his arms around him.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re allowed to ask for things too, including wanting to hang out with little me. And I love that you like being my daddy.”

Daniel still doesn’t answer.

“Hey, Daniel, repeat after me. ‘I’m important and my needs matter.’”

Daniel pulls back far enough to look at him and laugh, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Come on, Daniel.”

“I can’t believe you’re using my words against me. Again! Fine. I’m important and my needs matter.”

“Thank you. Would you like to hang out with little me?”

“Yeah,” Daniel says softly. “I’d like that.”

“Okay. Let’s work out first so our trainers still like us and then we’ll have some little time.”

Daniel laughs. “What, you don’t think little Max would like to work out?”

Max laughs at the thought. “I think little Max might do what big Max sometimes wants to and just lie flat in the middle of the floor and refuse to move.”

“We better not do that, then.” Daniel’s still laughing. “I might join him.”

Max laughs again. “Yeah, better avoid that. Alright, time to work out.”

But he doesn’t drop his arms from around Daniel until Daniel pulls away with a muttered, “Thanks.”

Max gives him one last squeeze and lets go.

They work out and then Max brings out the train set he bought a while ago. He always wanted a train set when he was younger and this one even has a train with an engine, as well as some trains he can push. But he’s been holding off showing it to Daniel, not sure of what his reaction will be.

Daniel looks at the train set. “You bought this for yourself?”

Max cringes. Maybe he shouldn’t have bought it. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not my place to buy stuff.”

Daniel stops looking at the box and turns to Max. “Darling, no! I’m so proud of you! You bought something you wanted for little you!”

“And that’s okay?”

“Of course! You can always buy stuff for little you.”

“I thought you might like it too.” Daniel always likes building things with Maxy and Max thought they could have fun playing with it together.

“I love it! I’m going to have so much fun playing with little you.”

Max smiles when Daniel voices what Max was thinking. But he can’t help checking. “So it’s okay?”

Daniel steps towards Max and wraps his arms around him. “It’s better than okay. Thank you for doing this for little Max. I’m so pleased that you felt you could buy it.”

Max returns the hug and rests his head on Daniel’s shoulder. “Did you see it has bridges? And a train with a motor?”

“That is so cool. Can I play with little you now?”

Max laughs. “Yeah, let’s play.”

“Alright! Maxy, a train set!”

~~~

Daniel and Maxy sit on the floor to unpack the train set, and Daniel smiles as Maxy enthusiastically tells him exactly how the track should be set up.

“And then more track, and then a bridge! And then a biiiiiiiigggg turn and then another bridge! And then the train goes choo-choo all around the track!”

Maxy waves his arms so energetically that he tips over into Daniel. Daniel catches him and smiles as he looks down at Maxy, who’s smiling up at him.

“Do you have ants in your pants, darling?”

Maxy wiggles his butt on the ground. “No ants, Daddy!”

Daniel smiles at how adorable Maxy is. “Oh, good. Just wiggles?”

“Just wiggles!” Maxy says delightedly and wiggles again.

Daniel waits until he’s done, then leans forward and kisses Maxy’s forehead. Maxy beams at him.

“Do you think we should wait until the wiggles are gone before setting up the train set?”

“No, Daddy!” Maxy wiggles one more time, then sits up. “No more wiggles!”

“Are you sure?” Daniel asks.

“No more wiggles, Daddy!”

“I don’t know, darling. I think there might be one more wiggle here.”

Maxy looks around. “Where??”

“Right here!” Daniel wiggles and Maxy shrieks with joy and laughs until he falls over on Daniel again.

“Daddy has wiggles too!!” Maxy giggles.

Daniel wiggles again and Maxy laughs and laughs until he slides down so he’s lying with his head in Daniel’s lap.

“Wiggles are funny, Daddy,” Maxy says, grinning at Daniel.

“They are, aren’t they?” Daniel strokes Maxy’s hair back and Maxy tilts his head into the touch.

They stay like that until Maxy abruptly sits up. “Okay, Daddy, it’s train time now!”

Daniel smiles and picks up the nearest piece. “Alright, darling. Where do you want the first bridge to go?”

Maxy looks at the piece, then darts in for a hug. Daniel holds him until Maxy pulls away.

“Train time now!” says Maxy.

Daniel is a bit confused, but Maxy seems happy. “Darling, is everything okay?”

“Yes, Daddy! Train time!!” Maxy says insistently. He still seems happy, so Daniel lets it go.

“Alright, darling. Where do you want the first bridge to go?”

Maxy points. “There, Daddy!”

Daniel pulls out the pieces and starts setting up the track under the watchful eye of Maxy, letting him help Daniel connect the pieces that won’t catch his fingers. Maxy got quite the train set, and it soon covers a decent chunk of the living room.

“Last piece, Maxy! Can you help me put it in?”

“Yeah!”

Maxy helps Daniel push the final piece into the train track with a satisfying click.

“We did it, Daddy!”

Daniel pulls him in for another hug and ruffles his hair while Maxy giggles.

“We did, darling! Thank you for being such a good co-constructor! Now we need a train. Do you want to try the powered one or the one you push first?”

“The one you push! Maxy pushes it!”

“Alright. Which car should go first?”

Daniel and Maxy put the train together and put it on the track. Maxy looks at it a bit nervously. “Daddy goes first?”

“Okay.” Daniel pulls the front car of the train around the track, all the other cars rolling along behind. The train makes a very satisfying sound as it goes around the track. He brings it back to Maxy. “Maxy’s turn!”

Maxy copies what Daniel did, slowly at first, then gaining more confidence. He beams at Daniel. “Choo-choo!”

They’ve been playing for a bit when Maxy sits beside him and leans his head on Daniel’s shoulder, nuzzling his face into Daniel’s cheek for a second. He goes back to playing with the trains, then leans into Daniel again and rests his head on his shoulder.

Daniel kisses the top of his head and Maxy drives his train around the track again before coming back and snuggling into Daniel, kissing his cheek.

Daniel wraps his arm around Maxy. “Hi, Maxy! You’re very cuddly today. Any reason why?”

“Daddy likes hanging out with Maxy!”

Daniel is confused. “I always do?”

“Daddy wanted to hang out with Maxy!”

Realization dawns. “Oh, because big you asked me if I wanted to see you and I said yes?”

Maxy nods. “Daddy wanted to see Maxy! Daddy picked Maxy!” Maxy sounds so pleased.

Daniel pulls Maxy closer to him and wraps both arms around him. “Yeah, I did. I love hanging out with you, sweetheart. I’m so happy to be your daddy.”

Maxy kisses Daniel’s cheek. “I love you, Daddy. You’re the best daddy ever.”

“I love you too, darling. You’re the best Maxy ever.”

Maxy stays in his embrace for a while, then pulls away to play with the trains again. Daniel can hear him singing, “Daddy picked Maxy! Daddy loves Maxy!”

The next time Maxy comes by, Daniel catches him in a hug and kisses his forehead.

“Why kisses?” Maxy asks, tilting his head questioningly.

“Because you’re my favourite Maxy and I love hanging out with you.”

Maxy wiggles with joy and giggles as Daniel kisses his forehead again. Maxy leaves his train on the tracks and snuggles closer to Daniel.

“Cuddle time now?” Maxy asks.

“Of course. Here, darling.”

Daniel switches out the front car for the one with the motor and turns it on, then helps Maxy up and onto the couch, grabbing Kanga on the way. He pulls Maxy into his arms and they watch the train wind its way around the track. He drops kisses on Maxy’s head until Maxy's beaming and giggling again and leaning up to kiss Daniel’s cheek back.

“Daddy loves Maxy?”

“Yes, darling.”

“Daddy loves Maxy as much as Daddy loves grown up Maxy?”

Daniel blinks. He’s never discussed his love of adult Max with little or big Max, but he’s not about to tell Maxy he’s wrong. If Maxy has (correctly) deduced that Daniel loves both of them, Daniel’s not going to lie to him.

Maxy is watching him with big eyes, waiting for his answer.

“Yeah, Maxy. Daddy loves you just as much as I love adult Max. You’re both so precious to me.”

Maxy squeaks with happiness and Daniel kisses the top of his head again.

“Daddy loves Maxy!”

“Yeah, I do, darling. I always have.”

“Always?”

“Yes. I’m sorry you didn’t know how much.”

“Maxy knows now,” Maxy says, leaning up to kiss Daniel’s cheek. He snuggles into Daniel’s arms and hugs Kanga, whispering, “Daddy loves Maxy always!” to her.

Daniel pulls Maxy close and they watch the train go around the track, its little silver wheels catching the light. Daniel thinks Maxy might be falling asleep when he says, “Daddy?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Maxy loves you always too.”

Daniel squeezes Maxy gently. “I’m glad, darling. I’m so lucky to be your daddy.”

Maxy squeaks again and shivers with happiness, clearly overjoyed. “Daddy, Maxy has so much happy in him!”

“You do, darling? What does it feel like?”

“Like…like…” Maxy searches for words, and then to Daniel’s dismay, bursts into tears.

“Maxy? Darling, are you okay?”

“The happy wants to get out, Daddy,” Maxy says, tears overflowing from his eyes.

Relief rushes through Daniel. He’s never seen Maxy cry happy tears before, but he’s never seen him literally squeaking with happiness either.

“Oh, darling. Those are happy tears! There’s just too much happy in you for a little boy, isn’t there?”

Maxy nods.

“Tears are a really good way to let some of the extra happy out, darling. Do you know what else helps?”

Maxy shakes his head.

“Hugs and kisses from Daddy.”

“Oh!” Maxy turns to face him and presents his face to Daniel.

Daniel carefully kisses Maxy’s cheek, then his other cheek and his forehead. Then he wraps Maxy up in a hug and kisses wherever he can reach — Maxy’s cheek, his ear, his hair — until Maxy is giggling.

Daniel can tell from the sound of the laughter that Maxy is getting close to overwhelmed. He doesn’t want the happiness to turn to unhappy tears, so he leans backwards and gently eases Maxy onto his chest. He strokes Maxy’s back and sings ‘Maxy is good’.

Maxy sags and rests his head on Daniel’s chest, little shivers of giggles and a few tears still shaking through him.

Daniel keeps singing and stroking Maxy’s back, watching as Maxy’s blinks get longer and his body relaxes.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Maxy feels…lots.”

Daniel supposes that’s a pretty good way to describe being overwhelmed.

“Feelings can be a lot, even if they’re good, can’t they?”

Maxy nods.

Daniel keeps gently stroking his back. “Do you want to take a nap, darling? That will help make all the feelings more manageable. And Daddy will hug you the whole time.”

Maxy nods again and closes his eyes, snuggling into Daniel’s arms.

Daniel tucks Kanga more tightly in Maxy’s arms and strokes his hair. “Sleep well, darling. Daddy loves you always.”

Daniel watches the train wind its way around the track while Maxy sleeps in his arms. He smiles, content with the world.

~~~

“Daddy?” Maxy lifts his head up from Daniel’s chest and Daniel opens his eyes.

“Hey, darling.”

“Daddy! Maxy’s feelings were sooo big!!”

“They were, weren’t they? Are they more manageable now?

Maxy tilts his head, thinking. “They’re more Maxy-sized now.”

“I’m glad, darling.”

“But Maxy is still happy!” Maxy says quickly, like Daniel will think he isn’t anymore.

“That’s wonderful!”

Maxy beams and wiggles in place.

"Do you want to get up now and have lunch?”

“Yeah!”

Maxy bounces off the couch and Daniel can hear him talking to himself as he heads into the kitchen. “Daddy loves Maxy! Daddy picked Maxy! Daddy loves Maxy always!!”

Daniel follows the sound of delighted giggles into the kitchen, looking forward to spending the rest of the day with his darling Maxy.

~~~

Daniel wakes up the next morning to his head on Max’s chest and Max petting his hair. He slept in later than Max again, but he guesses he’s still running a bit more of a sleep debt than Max is.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning, Daniel.”

Daniel stays where he is for a while and Max keeps petting his hair. Daniel thinks he might have dozed off a few times, but Max is always a steady presence under him every time he wakes up.

He stretches a bit when he wakes up again and Max takes away the hand petting his hair. Daniel can’t stop the sad noise he makes and Max laughs softly and puts both hands in Daniel’s hair, dragging his nails gently along Daniel’s scalp until Daniel feels like a puddle.

“Is your plan for me to sleep on you for most of the morning?” Daniel asks.

Max laughs again, but it’s still a friendly laugh. “Yeah, if you want to. I’ve got nowhere to be and it’s nice.”

“Oh. Okay.” Daniel closes his eyes and lets himself drift again. Max keeps stroking his fingers through Daniel’s hair, never tugging or pulling too tight.

Eventually Daniel has to use the bathroom, so he sighs and gets up. When he comes back, Max is still lying in bed.

“Darling?”

“We haven’t had our debrief cuddle yet.”

Daniel smiles and gets back into bed. “No, we haven’t. How do you want to cuddle?”

“Can I rest my head on you?” Max asks.

“Of course.”

Max moves so his head is resting on Daniel’s chest and Daniel strokes his hair.

“Thank you for yesterday, darling. It was such a gift.”

“Oh. You’re welcome.” Max looks embarrassed but pleased. “You really think of it as a gift?”

“Yeah, I do. But judging by little you’s reaction, you still had some doubts of whether I really liked being with you when you’re little?”

Max squirms, so Daniel rests a comforting hand on his back.

“I don’t know if they were as strong as doubts. But maybe…insecurities?”

“I didn’t know that. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was hurting you by not telling you when I wanted to hang out with little you. But I love hanging out with adult you too. I don’t want to hurt adult you’s feelings!”

Max laughs. “I know. But little Max is me too! It’s cool to know that you actually want to hang out with little me too.”

“Of course I do!”

“I know. But there’s a difference between you doing it because I ask and you asking.”

“Yeah, I get that. I’ll try to ask in the future.”

“Please do. I know you like adult me too, so it won’t be all the time. And you’ll never try to force me to be little.”

Daniel is appalled. “Max, I would never!”

Max is already nodding. “I know. You never call me Maxy or even refer to little me as Maxy unless you’ve confirmed that I want to be little. I’ve noticed.”

“I wasn’t sure if it would affect you, but it seemed rude to do that without your consent.”

“Yeah. I appreciate it. I’m pretty sure I’d stay adult me, but it would probably mess with me some if you did it a lot.”

“Then I’ll keep not doing that. Is there anything that I do that messes with you when you’re an adult?”

“I don’t think so? You’re always really careful with that.”

“Good. If there ever is though, please let me know. I’ll never intentionally do anything like that.”

Max squeezes Daniel’s arm.

“You good?” Daniel asks.

Max nods. “I just—I feel so safe with you.”

“I’m glad, darling.”

Max smiles and closes his eyes and Daniel strokes his hair. Daniel thinks the conversation might be over when Max opens his eyes and shifts, suddenly seeming a bit awkward.

“Daniel?” Max’s voice is tentative.

“Yeah?”

“You love Maxy, right?”

“Yes.”

“Yesterday—you said you love adult Max as much as you love Maxy.”

Daniel wasn’t sure if Max was going to bring that up, but he’s not going to lie to Max anymore than he did to Maxy.

“Yeah, I did. Is that okay?”

“You do?”

“Of course I do, Max. How could I not?”

“Can you say it?”

“I love you, Max.”

Max shudders and Daniel strokes his hand down Max’s back.

“Again?” Max whispers.

“I love you, Max.”

Max shudders again and hides his face in Daniel’s chest.

Daniel strokes his hair. “I love you, darling. I love you when you’re little Max and I love you when you’re adult Max.”

“Does this change anything?” Max asks.

“You mean because love often goes with romance for grownups?”

Max nods.

“Do you want anything to change?”

Max shakes his head.

“I’m pretty happy with our current relationship too,” Daniel says. “Not saying that it couldn’t change in the future to include romance if that’s something we both wanted, but I’m very comfortable with how it is right now.”

“You’re gay?”

Daniel knows Jos is homophobic, and F1 isn’t exactly the most accepting place to be anything but straight. But Max doesn’t sound shocked or disgusted, but more like he’s asking for information. And he doesn’t pull away from Daniel, even though Daniel is shirtless.

“Bisexual, actually.”

Max is silent, but he stays still, so Daniel keeps stroking his hair.

Max tilts his hand palm up on Daniel’s chest and Daniel slowly moves his hand to hold it, giving Max lots of opportunity to pull away. Max grips Daniel’s hand tight as soon as Daniel’s hand is in his.

“That’s allowed?” Max whispers.

Oh, that’s what’s going on. “Oh, darling. Yeah, it is. Maybe you can’t say it everywhere to everyone, but here you can.”

“What if I don’t know what I am yet? Is that okay?”

“Yeah. Of course it is.”

Max pulls Daniel’s hand up to his face gingerly, like he’s expecting Daniel to yank his hand away. Daniel smiles and strokes Max’s cheek and Max closes his eyes.

“I don’t know what I am, but I’m pretty sure I’m not one hundred percent straight,” Max whispers.

Daniel thinks Max is trying to keep his body from tensing, but he can’t hide it from Daniel when he’s literally lying on him.

He strokes Max’s cheek again. “Thanks for telling me, darling. I’m proud of you.”

Max sags against him as the tension leaves his body. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. If you figure out more or want to talk about it, I’m here.”

“Okay. But nothing needs to change?”

“No, nothing needs to change in our relationship if we’re both happy with it. And I think we both are.”

“Yeah.”

“Besides,” Daniel says, “it’s not like I just started loving you yesterday.”

“Really?”

“Darling, how could I love little Max like I do and not love you too?”

“Oh. Really?”

“Really. I started loving little Max first, yes, but I started loving you pretty soon after.”

“But—”

Daniel waits, but Max doesn’t continue. He gently strokes Max’s cheek and Max closes his eyes and tilts his face into the touch.

“But what, darling?”

“Why?” Max whispers.

Daniel’s heart breaks at the question, that Max would ever question why someone would love him. “Why did I start loving you?”

Max nods.

“Because you’re you, Max.”

Max looks confused.

“Your brain is telling you mean things about being unlovable, isn’t it?” Daniel asks gently.

Max flinches, then dips his chin slightly in a nod.

Daniel strokes his cheek. “It’s okay, darling. Your brain is just being mean to you. You are lovable and I love you so much.”

Max stays silent.

“Can I tell you again?” Daniel asks.

Max nods.

“I love you, Max. I’ll tell you that whenever you want.”

“One more time?” Max whispers.

“I love you. I love you and I love little Max. I love both of you. I love what we have together and I love how happy you make me. I love that you let me love you. I’m so proud of you. You’re so good, Max, and I love you.”

Max starts trembling halfway through Daniel’s words.

Daniel thinks he knows where this is going. He slides down in the bed and wraps himself around Max, kissing his forehead. He pulls Max in close and says softly, “I love you, Max. I love you and I love little Max. I love all parts of you, darling, and I love adult you.”

That does it. Max sobs and buries his face in Daniel’s neck.

Daniel holds him close, stroking his hand up and down Max’s back while he cries.

“I love you, darling. You’re so good, darling, and I love you. You’re so brave, and I love you. You’re my darling Max, and I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“Did you know darling also means ‘dearly loved person’?” Max asks, his voice choked with tears.

Daniel remembers their discussion after the timeout mistake, of why Daniel called Max darling.

“So it still fits perfectly,” Daniel says.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re my dearly loved Max.”

Max hides his face in Daniel’s neck again and Daniel continues to stroke his back.

“Can I tell you how I started loving you?”

Max nods, still hiding his face.

“It started when I got to hold you and cuddle with you for all of our post-little debriefs. If there’s a better way to spend a morning than cuddling with you, I haven’t found it.”

“I really like those times too,” Max whispers.

“I’m glad, darling. It took a bit longer for me to truly get to know you compared to little Max, and that’s okay! You’ve had a lot longer to build up your walls than little Max. But once I got to know the real you, I couldn’t help but love you too.”

“You loved me because you got to know me better?” Max sounds confused.

Daniel kisses his hair. “Yeah, I did. You let me see you. My darling Max. The funny, sweet, amazing Max that I’d gotten to see bits of before we started all of this, but now I got to see that you all the time and Max, how could I not love you?”

Max pulls back to look at him, and there are tears shining bright in his eyes. “I—really?”

“Really. I think I was heading for love all along, I just took a while to figure it out.”

“But…you really think all those things about me?”

Daniel smiles and kisses Max’s forehead. “Yeah, darling, I do.”

“Daniel?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think Daniel’s hugs and kisses work as well as Daddy’s for dealing with too much happy?”

Daniel grins. “Yeah, I think they do.”

He kisses Max’s cheek. “You’re amazing and I love you.”

A kiss on his other cheek.

“You’re sweet and I love you.”

Another kiss on Max’s forehead.

“You’re funny and I love you.”

“Wait?” Max asks.

Daniel freezes.

Max leans forward and brushes a hesitant kiss over Daniel’s cheek, then immediately pulls back.

Daniel beams and Max looks at him, a shy smile appearing on his face.

“That was okay?” Max asks.

“That was more than okay. You can kiss me whenever you want.”

Max darts forward and kisses Daniel’s other cheek, then drops a kiss on his nose.

Daniel laughs and Max jerks back, looking hurt.

“No, I’m sorry, darling! I wasn’t expecting that, but it was adorable. I wasn’t laughing at you. I’m just so happy.”

“Oh.” Max looks happier. “Because of me?”

“Yeah.”

Max smiles.

“Can you kiss me once more and this time I won’t laugh?” Daniel asks.

Max kisses his cheek again and when he pulls away, Daniel kisses his cheek back. Max leans forward and kisses Daniel’s nose again and Daniel beams and kisses Max’s nose back.

Max laughs and Daniel joins him.

“Alright, I can see why you laughed,” Max says, still laughing. “Nose kisses are funny.” He kisses Daniel’s nose again, then pulls back.

“Can I say it again?” Daniel asks.

Max nods.

“I love you, Max.”

Max grins, but then his smile disappears. “Do I have to say it too?”

“No. It’s unconditional. I’m not going to stop loving you just because you don’t say it back.”

“I want to be able to say it back,” Max whispers.

Daniel smiles. “That’s more than enough for me. Thank you for telling me.”

“Can you say it again?”

“I love you, darling.”

“Daniel?”

“Yes?”

“I—”

Daniel waits, but no more words come out and Max shakes his head in frustration. Daniel can guess what Max is trying to say. “There’s no rush, darling, and no expiration date. Whenever you tell me it will be wonderful, but even if you never do, that’s okay. I still love you.”

“I’m sorry I can’t say it.”

“Hey, no. This isn’t a competition. It’s easier for me to say than it is for you and that’s okay. I know you love me even if you can’t say it out loud yet.”

Max takes Daniel’s hand and squeezes it tightly. “Yeah,” he whispers.

“That’s more than enough, darling. And truly, nothing has to change. You didn’t just start loving me today either, right?”

Max shakes his head.

“So we’re just putting words to something that was already there. Big words, yeah, but still just words. It’s the feeling that matters, not the words.”

“But they’re nice words,” Max whispers.

“Yeah, they are. Do you want to hear them again?”

Max nods.

“I love you, Max. I love you today, I loved you yesterday, and I’ll love you tomorrow. I love you when we’re together and when we’re apart.”

Max has tears in his eyes again.

“I love you when you’re happy, and when you’re crying.” Daniel reaches out and gently wipes away a tear and Max smiles. “And when you’re doing both.”

Max laughs and Daniel grins.

“I love you when we laugh together. I love you when you call me in the middle of the night and when you invite me over and order my comfort food because you know I’m having a hard time.”

Max’s face softens. “I’m glad you came over. I hope it helped a bit.”

Daniel leans forward and kisses Max’s forehead again. “It did, darling. Thank you.”

Max smiles and they lie there in silence for a bit.

“Daniel?”

“Yes?”

“Could I—maybe—it might be nice—”

“Hey, it’s just me.” Daniel reaches out slowly and gently strokes Max’s cheek.

Max closes his eyes and takes a deep breath and lets it out.

“Maybe we could nap together? Just for a bit?”

Daniel grins. “That sounds lovely. Of course, darling. I could go for some more sleep too.”

“I need to use the bathroom first.”

“Alright.”

Max gets up, then darts in and kisses Daniel’s forehead before going to the bathroom.

Daniel smiles and straightens out the covers, folding them back invitingly.

When Max walks out of the bathroom, he hovers awkwardly at the side of the bed.

Daniel flips the covers back, inviting Max in, but he still looks awkward.

“Max?”

“Can I take off my pajamas for sleeping?” Max is still wearing little Max’s Mousie pajamas from the night before.

“Of course, darling. You sometimes get too warm when you’re in your little pajamas as an adult, don’t you?”

“Yeah. But…that’s not weird?”

“Not at all. It’s just like every other time we’ve napped together. Come nap with me, darling.”

Max pulls off his pants and shirt, leaving his underwear on, and climbs into bed. He shuffles over to Daniel and tentatively rests his head on Daniel’s chest. Daniel strokes his hair and feels Max relax.

“I love when you let me hold you and when we get to have time like this together,” Daniel says.

“I love when you hold me,” Max says quietly. He reaches his hand out and Daniel takes it. “Can you say it again?” Max whispers.

“I love you, darling. You’re my darling, darling Max and I love you.”

Max brings Daniel’s hand up to his face and Daniel gently strokes his cheek. Max reaches out and brushes his fingers over Daniel’s Love tattoo.

Daniel smiles. “You too, darling.”

Max closes his eyes and breathes out a long breath. “One more time?” he whispers.

“I love you, Max.” Daniel strokes his thumb over Max’s cheek. “Go to sleep, love. I’m here, and I love you.”

Chapter Text

Daniel has another bad weekend at the track with McLaren and the rumours are swirling. Daniel looks worse every time Max sees him, but insists he’s fine when Max tentatively brings it up. Max invites Daniel over again, but Daniel turns him down, saying he’s too busy.

Max feels helpless. Daniel still smiles when Max sees him at the track, close up or from afar, but Max thinks his smile looks a bit hysterical, like it’s papering over panic. Daniel seems like an animal caught in a storm, not knowing which way to turn for safety.

Max finally gets out some paper and Maxy’s stickers and sits down at his kitchen table to write a note to Daniel.

Hi “big kangaroo sticker”,

You’re important and your needs matter too. You can call me anytime. I won’t be as good at it as you.

Max thinks about what Daniel’s reaction would be to that sentence if he were here to see Max write it, and crosses it out.

I’ll try my best to be there for you too. So please, call me whenever you want.

Mouse sticker

Daniel gave Max a key to his place after the incident when Max was little by himself. He told Max he could always come into his apartment if he needed help and especially if he was ever little alone. Up to now, Max hasn't used it.

Max lets himself into the apartment when he knows Daniel will be out for a few hours and leaves the note on the kitchen table.

He hopes Daniel will call him.

~~~

Max’s phone wakes him from sleep and he bats at it. It’s set to Do Not Disturb, except for a few numbers.

“Hello?”

All he hears is the sound of someone’s breathing on the other end of the line. Max peers at the phone to see who’s calling.

It’s Daniel.

“Daniel?”

More breathing. Max gets out of bed and throws on pants and a sweater.

“Daniel? Are you okay?”

He walks to the entry and steps into his shoes. He’s grabbing his keys when Daniel finally speaks.

“Daddies aren’t supposed to have nightmares, are they?” Daniel’s voice is shaky.

Max runs back into his bedroom. “Of course daddies can have nightmares. You’re a person too. That doesn’t make you a bad daddy.” He grabs Kanga and heads for the door.

He takes the stairs three at a time and lets himself into Daniel’s place. Daniel still hasn’t said anything else.

Max finds Daniel huddled in the middle of his bed, the phone on speakerphone next to him.

“Daniel?”

Daniel jumps, even though Max knows he made plenty of noise letting himself in and locking the door. Max hangs up his phone.

Max has no idea what he’s doing. Daniel is the one who’s good at this, not him. But Daniel called him and Daniel needs him, so he’ll try his best, just like he promised in his note.

He thinks about what Daniel does for him when he’s like this. Lots of touching, but only after Max says it’s okay. And lots of talking, telling Max what he’s going to do before he does it. Max thinks that that’s mostly to avoid startling him, but it also gives him something else to focus on. Daniel’s voice always feels like a safe port in the storm when Max is upset. Maybe if Max copies him, Daniel will have something to hold on to and he’ll feel a bit safer too.

“Daniel, can I come closer?”

Daniel nods.

Max sits on the bed and offers Daniel his hand. Daniel takes it and holds it between his. Max hides a gasp; Daniel’s hands are freezing.

“Do you want me to stay here tonight?”

Daniel doesn’t say anything. Max isn’t sure if that’s a yes, but there’s no way he’s leaving unless Daniel tells him to.

“Okay, unless you say otherwise, I’m staying.”

Daniel still doesn’t say anything, but squeezes Max’s hand. Max’s heart aches at how vulnerable Daniel looks, so different from the Daniel he usually sees.

“Alright, one squeeze if you want to be the big spoon, two if you want me to be the big spoon, or three for something else.”

Daniel squeezes his hand twice.

“Okay. I need my hand back for ten seconds to take off my sweater. Is that okay?”

Daniel lets go of his hand and Max quickly strips off his sweater. He narrates what he’s doing, trying to give Daniel something to hold on to. He hangs up Daniel’s phone and puts both phones on the nightstand, then puts Kanga in Daniel’s arms and slides in behind him, pulling the blanket over both of them and wrapping his arms around him. He can feel tiny shivers running through Daniel and pulls him closer.

As soon as there’s nothing left to narrate, Max is momentarily at a loss. He isn’t as good at talking as Daniel, but he figures anything is better than silence for Daniel right now.

“Thank you for calling me. I’m so glad you did.”

“I’m sorry.” Daniel’s voice is hoarse. “I shouldn’t have woken you up. I just really really wanted to be able to sleep.”

“It’s okay; you did the right thing. Go to sleep; I’m here.”

Max hums a lullaby that Daniel usually hums to him and Daniel slowly goes limp in his arms.

Max hates this. Every time he sees Daniel, he’s a bit thinner and a bit more exhausted. But Daniel called him today. Maybe things will get better now.

He closes his eyes and tries to will Daniel to have a good sleep.

~~~

Daniel jolts awake, his heart pounding. The blankets are twisted around his body, trapping him. He forces his way out and sits up, gasping.

He’s in his room, in his bed, and… Max is sleeping peacefully beside him.

Daniel remembers calling him last night, after he’d woken up for the fourth or fifth time, his sleep awful and interrupted by nightmares. He finally couldn’t bear it anymore and his brain latched on to the note that Max left on his table and wouldn’t shut up until he called. He regrets that now – daddies aren’t supposed to have nightmares, no matter what Max said last night to calm him down.

Well, he got several hours of sleep in a row, which is more than he’s gotten in a while. He looks at Max sleeping beside him and wants to curl up beside him and go back to sleep, but he’s already been weak enough around Max.

He’s not used to this feeling, of hating his job, hating the car he drives. He’s driven cars that weren’t good before; of course he has. But this is the first time it’s seemed like the car is out to get him, that he’ll never figure it out. He knows Lando has had more time with the car, basically grew up with the concept, but he’s Daniel fucking Ricciardo! He should be able to figure it out!

And then there’s the lack of support from the team, where he’s so clearly the second driver. He can still hear his engineer’s voice after a crash, asking if the car was okay, without even checking to make sure Daniel was okay first. And then Daniel made that humiliating speech at the factory at the bosses’ insistence, telling everyone he’d do better, fucking crying, and it turns out they were already talking to his replacement behind his back. Well, fuck them!

Daniel gets out of bed – he can’t stand being still with his thoughts these days. He wants to go for a run, but doesn’t want to just leave Max by himself. Plus, Michael makes sad faces at Daniel when he exercises away the calories he manages to consume. Fine, he’ll make breakfast and everyone will be happy.

Max stumbles into the kitchen just as Daniel finishes cooking. He’s wearing pajama pants and one of Daniel’s sweaters. He looks so much like little Max after he’s just woken up that Daniel smiles.

“What are you smiling at?” Max asks.

“Nothing.”

“Okay,” Max says, sitting down at the table.

Jesus, Daniel can’t even have a regular conversation with Max anymore. He puts the food on the table and sits down to eat. As usual these days, food does not look appetizing at all, so he picks at his plate while Max eats, ignoring Max’s looks.

Max finishes his plate and pushes it to the side. “Alright, do you want to talk about last night?”

“No.”

“Come on, Daniel. You called me.”

“Sorry about that,” Daniel says flippantly. “Won’t happen again.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Max is getting annoyed now. Good.

“I’m fine. There’s nothing to talk about.”

“So you’re sleeping just fine and not losing weight?”

Daniel winces. He hoped it wasn’t so obvious. How dare Max just say it like that, like Daniel isn’t trying his hardest. “Who are you, my mother?”

“I’m your friend!”

“I’m fine. I’m a fucking adult who can take care of himself.”

“So what, when you help me, I’m not?”

“I never said that.”

“Then let me help you!” Max cries.

“I’m fine. Just let it go.”

Max is quiet for a while, then says quietly, “If you’re not driving at McLaren anymore, you could be the reserve driver at Red Bull. You could come back.”

“Reserve driver? That’s all you think I’m good for, shaking hands and kissing babies? Not good enough to be a real driver?”

“That’s not what I said!”

“How can you even suggest that? You’re not in charge.”

“There was a meeting—” Max seems to realize what he said and cuts himself off.

Realization dawns on Daniel.

“You’ve been talking to other people behind my back. Gossiping about my failures?”

“No!” He seems to realize that Daniel doesn’t believe him and looks down at his plate. “I just wanted to help.”

Daniel sees red. “Fuck you, Max! I don’t need your fucking charity!” Daniel realizes he’s on his feet, yelling at Max. “Just fucking leave!”

Max flinches like he’s been slapped. “Okay,” he says quietly. He stands up and heads straight for the door and is gone before Daniel can say anything else.

Daniel stands in his suddenly silent apartment, fingernails digging into his palms. Fuck Max. Red Bull’s fucking golden boy who thinks he can just swoop in and fix everything. And fuck everyone whispering about him behind his back. Fuck them all. He puts on his running gear and shoes and heads out for a run. Fuck Michael too.

He ignores the treacherous part of his heart that whispers about going back to Red Bull, going home.

He’s almost glad he has to leave for the next race right after he gets back from his run – it gives him something to do. He’s pretty sure Max is avoiding him the whole weekend, but he’s avoiding Max too, so the feeling is mutual. He spends a lot of time pacing around his hotel room, or staring at the hotel room ceiling, trying to breathe evenly to push down the nausea that’s been his regular companion lately. He's certainly not sleeping.

When it finally comes time to race, Max wins again and Daniel finishes near the back. Again. The debrief is awful and the mood in the garage sucks and Daniel just wants to be done. He’s thankful it’s a short flight home.

He and Max are scheduled for little time the day after they get home. Given that they haven’t talked since before the weekend, Daniel texts Max, Are we still on for tomorrow?

He gets a response just after the plane lands.

No.

Fine. Fine. Max can do whatever he wants. Maybe he wants to celebrate his win with someone who's more of a winner than Daniel. Maybe he'll get a new daddy and Daniel will just be an unpleasant memory. Seems like Max is doing just fine after their… discussion.

Daniel shies away from the word ‘fight’ and the memory of dark circles under Max's eyes, which looked worse every time Daniel saw him over the weekend. Max will be fine.

He firmly ignores the voice at the back of his head telling him he’s being an idiot and that Max was only trying to help. He got to where he is without Max’s help and he doesn’t need it now.

Daniel dumps his stuff at his place and heads out for a run. His body aches from the weekend and the awful sleep he’s been getting, but he pushes himself forward. He doesn’t want to go home to his empty apartment, so he stays out until long after the sun has set.

He finally goes home, puts a meal in the microwave, forces himself to eat what he can, forces himself into the shower, and then faceplants on the bed.

The lumpy, uncomfortable bed. Daniel pulls the lump out from under the blankets and fuck.

It’s Kanga.

He checks and sure enough, Roo and Mousie are in her pouch. That means Max didn’t have Mousie when he travelled and hasn’t had Kanga, Roo, or Mousie since their fight.

Daniel doesn’t think Max has been separated from Mousie for more than a day since he got him.

“Fuuuuuck,” Daniel breathes out.

He sits up in bed and hugs Kanga. No matter how much he tries to hold on to his anger, he can feel it draining away, leaving behind a sickening feeling of self-disgust.

He yelled at Max. He can’t believe he did that. No wonder Max doesn’t want to be in his presence right now, if Daniel is going to yell at him. And especially not as little Max.

Max has never had to protect little Max from Daniel before.

Daniel feels sick. He’s the mean Daniel from Max’s nightmare that he promised Max he’d never be.

Well, the least he can do now is give Kanga back to Max. He doesn’t even have to talk to Max. He’ll just hand him Kanga and leave. Daniel certainly doesn't deserve to get any comfort from the stuffed animals.

Daniel knocks on Max’s door, but no one answers, so he lets himself in. It’s quiet and all the main lights are off.

He slips into Max’s room and sees that he's sleeping. The bedside light is on – Daniel knows Max only does that when the dark seems especially scary and the kangaroo nightlight isn’t enough to keep it at bay. Daniel looks closer and almost stumbles. Max’s cheeks are tear-stained, like he cried himself to sleep. Daniel is a jerk and doesn’t deserve to be Max’s friend or his daddy.

Well, at least he can give Kanga back to Max. He puts Kanga in Max’s arms and straightens the covers around him.

Max whimpers in his sleep, tossing and turning.

Daniel can’t help it; he sits on the bed and runs his hand over Max’s shoulder. “Shhh, darling. It’s okay.”

Max’s eyes open. “Daniel?” he asks, hopefully. Then Daniel sees his face change as memory returns. “What are you doing here?” His voice is harsh.

“I wanted to bring you Kanga.”

Max looks down and realizes what he’s holding. “Oh. Well, you did. You can leave now.”

Daniel feels his anger flare again. Well, fuck him too. “Fine.” Daniel stands up and leaves the room.

He’s at the front door when he stops. Fuck, what is he doing? He's not even mad at Max; he's just so frustrated at the team, the car, and... himself.

He allows himself to think about the clenching of Max's hands around Kanga and the crack in Max's voice when he told Daniel he could leave. Not that Daniel should leave, but that he could. Daniel knows Max preemptively says things he doesn’t actually want to protect himself from being hurt, but Daniel is usually aware enough to hear what Max is really saying.

Fuck. If Daniel’s going to claim to be an adult, he should probably start acting like one. He turns around and walks back into Max’s room and feels his heart break.

Max is curled around Kanga and is sobbing silently, his body shaking.

“Fuck, Max.”

Max’s head shoots up. “No, you left! Go away!”

“Max, I’m so sorry. Can I sit beside you?”

Daniel stands still and waits until Max nods. He walks over to the bed and sits down, carefully not touching Max.

“I’m sorry, Max. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m so sorry, darling.”

“I didn’t mean to make you mad,” Max whispers. “I was just trying to help.”

“I know. And I was an ungrateful ass.”

Max lets out a surprised and watery laugh, but immediately covers his mouth with his hand to try to hide it.

“No, don’t hide your laugh, darling. I’m so sorry. You don’t have to hide your laugh around me.”

Max slowly lowers his hand from his face.

“I was such an ass. You didn’t ‘make me mad’; I took my anger out on you and you didn’t deserve it at all. That wasn’t fair of me and I’m sorry. I’m shit, Max. I’m sorry you have to deal with me.”

“You’re not shit,” Max says. “And I love dealing with you. Thank you for bringing me Kanga and Roo and Mousie.”

“I’m sorry I kept them from you. I didn’t realize they were still at my place until I lay down tonight. I would never intentionally keep them from you.”

“I know.” Max reaches out his hand towards Daniel and Danel doesn’t understand what he wants.

Max’s face softens and he takes Daniel’s hand. Daniel feels tears prick his eyes at the feeling of Max’s hand in his.

Max squeezes his hand. Daniel squeezes back and Max smiles.

Relief rushes through Daniel and leaves exhaustion in its wake. He can’t hold back a yawn.

Max lets go of his hand and flips back the covers. “Can we sleep now? We can talk more when we wake up.”

“You want me to stay?” Daniel asks, shocked.

“Only if you’re comfortable.”

“Only if I’m comfortable?? I’m the one who yelled at you.”

“Are you going to do it again?”

“No!”

“Well then, we’re good. Please, Daniel? I’ve been sleeping like crap and you don’t look like you’ve been doing any better.”

Daniel laughs humorlessly. “Yeah, you could say that. You’re sure you’re okay with it?”

Max nods, so Daniel pulls off his shirt and pants and crawls into bed.

“You can turn off the light,” Max says quietly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. The dark isn’t scary when you’re here.”

Daniel turns off the light and pulls Max into his arms. He can feel himself relaxing for the first time since their fight. Max breathes out a long sigh and Daniel thinks he’s feeling the same.

“Good night, Daniel.”

“Good night, Max.”

“Sleep well.”

“You too, darling.”

Daniel closes his eyes and lets the even sound of Max’s breathing lull him to sleep.

~~~

Daniel wakes to gentle fingers running through his hair. He’s using Max’s chest as a pillow again. It’s very nice.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning, Daniel. Well, good afternoon.”

“What? What time is it?”

“Just after twelve. Apparently we both really needed the sleep.”

“Wow.” Daniel lies there for a while Max pets his hair. “I’m so sorry for the fight.”

“It’s okay,” Max says. “I accept your apology. You’re sorry and you won’t yell at me again.”

“No, never.”

“Okay, that’s good enough for me.”

“But I kept Mousie and Kanga and Roo from you!”

“But that wasn’t intentional, right?”

“No! I’d never do that on purpose!”

“I know. It was just a bit of unlucky timing. And I knew they were safe with you, even though I didn’t have them.”

“I’d never do anything to hurt them, no matter how upset I was.”

“I know.”

Daniel still doesn’t understand how Max can forgive him so quickly. “But I was an ass, Max.”

“Yeah, but you’re not always an ass. As a wise person once told me, people can have bad moments or even bad days, but they’re still good. You’re still good, Daniel.”

“But I was mean Daniel!”

Max shakes his head. “No, you weren’t. That Daniel doesn’t exist and you’re not him. You could never be him. You’re good, Daniel.”

“But—”

“Daniel, are you trying to hurt our relationship to punish yourself?”

Daniel feels like he’s taken a punch to the gut. He curls away from Max, trying to breathe through the sudden nausea. He’s hurting their relationship, hurting Max. He’s not qualified to be anyone’s daddy, let alone Max’s.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

The nausea wells up and he gags, choking back bile. Max swears behind him and he flinches and curls up even tighter. He’s supposed to be the strong one and now he’s hurting Max even more.

“Can I touch you?”

Daniel can’t say no, no matter how much he knows it’s going to hurt. He nods, then waits for a flick or a playful slap, something to remind him that he’s supposed to be the caregiver, not the person who gets to be taken care of.

He readies himself to laugh it off, to wait to crawl back to his own place so he can lick his wounds in private. His stomach muscles spasm, but he forces himself to breathe through it. He needs to pull himself together, needs to be strong.

Max’s arms wrap tightly around him, holding him close. Daniel freezes in surprise, but Max doesn’t pull away or leave. Daniel braces for Max to say something instead, trying to prepare for something pointed and cutting that reminds Daniel that he’s failing at his role.

Instead, he jumps when Max’s warm hand settles on his unhappy stomach.

“Is this okay?” Max asks.

Daniel can feel his twitching stomach muscles relaxing under the solid weight of Max’s hand. “Yeah,” he says hoarsely.

“Good.”

He waits for Max to say more, desperately trying to pull his thoughts together enough to handle the conversation. Instead, Max starts singing one of the lullabies that Daniel sings to him.

Daniel laughs in surprise and Max’s voice stutters to a halt.

“Sorry,” Max says.

Daniel can’t bear the embarrassment in Max’s voice. “No!” He hesitates, then decides he can deal with the consequences later. “I like it.”

“Oh.” Max sounds pleased. “Okay.”

He starts singing again and Daniel closes his eyes. The warmth from Max’s hand seeps into his stomach muscles and the nausea slowly recedes. Max’s other hand comes down to rest flat on his chest and Daniel feels surrounded by Max’s warmth.

Max keeps singing and Daniel lets himself drift, safe in Max’s arms.

~~~

Daniel blinks his eyes open. He doesn’t think he actually slept, but he knows that some time has passed. Max’s arms are still strong around him, his lower hand rubbing soothing circles on Daniel’s stomach.

“Max?”

“Hi, Daniel,” Max says, his voice warm. “How are you feeling?”

Daniel assesses himself. The nausea is gone and he actually feels decent. The shame is still a rock in his stomach, but it’s not overwhelming him anymore.

“I’m okay, I think. I’m sorry for reacting like that.”

“I’m sorry for asking that question,” Max says. “I didn’t realize it would upset you.”

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” Daniel says. He needs Max to know that. “I’d never try to hurt you.”

“I know. I was wondering if you were trying to punish yourself, but I don’t think that’s it, is it?”

Daniel flinches, but Max’s arms remain firm around him.

“Maybe that too,” Daniel whispers.

“Tell me what else?” Max asks softly.

“You shouldn’t have to take care of me.”

“I want to,” Max says immediately.

“I don’t deserve it.”

“You do,” Max says. “You tell me that I deserve so much good, but you do too.” He pauses, then asks, “If me holding you is good?” His voice trails off, like he’s not sure if Daniel likes Max holding him.

Daniel can’t stand Max thinking that he’s done anything wrong. “It’s good,” he says quietly. He gathers his courage — Max deserves to know that he’s doing good. “I feel so safe in your arms,” he whispers.

“Oh.” Daniel can hear Max’s smile. “Then… that’s good, isn’t it?” Max asks hesitantly.

“But what if you need taking care of?” Daniel blurts out, then immediately regrets it. “Not that you need taking care of. You can take care of yourself. I’m sorry.”

“If I need taking care of, then you’ll take care of me,” Max says calmly. “You always do.”

Daniel’s breath catches at the absolutely surety in Max’s voice, so sure that Daniel will be there for him, even when Daniel is so messed up.

“But… maybe we could take care of each other?” Max asks. “You deserve to be taken care of too.”

“You shouldn’t have to take care of me,” Daniel says stubbornly. He’s supposed to be the strong one who doesn’t need help, no matter what Max says.

“Daniel, I don’t have to take care of you. I want to. Please let me?”

Daniel pulls away from Max, twisting so he can see his face. Max lets him go, lying on his back and looking back at Daniel.

“You shouldn’t have to take care of me.” Daniel knows he sounds like a broken record, but he doesn’t know what else to say. The nausea is coming back, lurking in the background for now, but he knows it’s just a matter of time before it gets worse. He needs to get up and do something to distract himself from his thoughts, not dump them all over Max.

He forces himself to roll away from Max, even though what he wants more than anything is to be back in Max’s arms. He sits on the side of the bed and gives himself a moment.

“Sometimes it feels like I only take from this relationship, and you always give,” Max says quietly from behind him.

Daniel freezes.

“And… I know I need more looking after. But maybe, sometimes, I could be the one who looks after you?”

Daniel sits there for a few more seconds, then shakes his head at himself in disgust. He’s trying so hard to be strong that he’s hurting Max, which is exactly what he’s trying to avoid. He crawls back over to Max and lies down, resting his head on Max’s chest.

Max is still for a second, then brings one arm around Daniel’s back and the other to rest lightly on Daniel’s arm. He gently strokes Daniel’s arm and his touch feels like he thinks Daniel is precious.

Daniel tries to relax, but his stomach is still unhappy. He tries to breathe through it, then thinks about the hopefulness in Max’s voice when he asked if he could sometimes take care of Daniel.

“Could you—” He doesn’t know how to ask, so he takes Max’s hand and guides it to his stomach.

It’s a bit of an awkward stretch for Max and Daniel lets go as soon as he realizes that, but Max twists his hand so it’s resting on Daniel’s stomach.

“You don’t have to—” Daniel says.

“Does it help?”

“Yeah.”

Max stretches his hand a bit more to cover more of Daniel’s stomach, and Daniel thinks Max deserves more information than just that. “It helps the nausea go away.”

“Then I’m going to keep doing it.”

Daniel scoots a bit closer to make it easier for Max. “It’s not hurting your hand to do that?”

Max shakes his head. “I promise I won’t hurt myself to look after you. Okay?”

“Okay,” Daniel whispers. He closes his eyes, feeling the heat of Max’s hand wash the nausea away.

Max’s other hand strokes Daniel’s hair, his fingers scratching along Daniel’s scalp just like he likes. Max starts humming the same lullaby he sang earlier and Daniel smiles. He closes his eyes and just breathes, soaking in the feeling of being held by Max.

When his stomach has settled down, he takes Max’s hand and holds it, resting his hand and Max’s on Max’s chest.

“If you’re stopping early because you’re trying to protect me—” Max says.

“No, it’s better now.” He leans up and kisses Max’s cheek. “You fixed it.”

Max smiles. “I’m glad. Please let me know whenever I can do anything to help like that? I don’t like you being in pain.”

“Okay.”

Max strokes his hair and Daniel closes his eyes again.

“You don’t only take,” Daniel says quietly. “And needing more looking after isn’t a bad thing. I like looking after you.”

Max squeezes his hand. “I know. I don’t feel like it’s a bad thing most of the time. Just—it feels pretty shitty to watch you struggle and not be allowed to help.”

“Oh.” Daniel thinks about that for a bit. “I hadn’t thought of it like that. I’m sorry I’m so bad at being looked after.”

“You’re not! You just haven’t practiced enough.”

Daniel laughs. “I’m not sure I want to have too many opportunities to practice.”

Max laughs too. “Yeah, that’s fair. Maybe you’ll be an expert just from this time.”

“I hope so.”

“But even if you’re not, I still like taking care of you whenever you need it, however often that is.”

“Really?” Daniel asks.

“Yeah. I’m sorry that things are so shitty for you right now. But this isn’t one of the shitty things. It can be one of the good things, if you let it.”

“I’ll try?” Daniel whispers.

Max squeezes his hand. “That’s good enough for me.”

They lie there and Max keeps stroking Daniel’s hair.

“Can I say some things?” Max asks.

Daniel nods.

“I think you should sleep here or I should sleep at your place for a while. It is stupid to sleep in separate beds if we both sleep better when we’re together.”

Daniel hesitates, then nods.

“And you’re not going to yell at me again and I’m going to check with you before I do anything to try and help. Okay?”

“Okay,” Daniel whispers.

“And you’re going to talk to me. Please?”

Daniel doesn’t say anything. He’s coming around to the idea of Max taking care of him, but he doesn’t want to dump all his problems on Max.

“Daniel, your car is shit, your team is shit, and your boss is shit.”

Daniel tenses, remembering Max telling him he wasn't shit last night. Is Max saying that because he’s changed his mind about Daniel being shit? Daniel’s not sure he could handle that, not when he’s lying in Max’s arms and it feels like all his armour is gone.

Gentle fingers stroke through his hair. “But Daniel, you’re not shit.”

Daniel flinches and Max’s hand freezes.

“Daniel?”

“I’m sorry! I just—I thought—”

Max waits, then slowly resumes his gentle stroking when Daniel can’t finish his sentence.

Daniel closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“I thought maybe you’d changed your mind,” Daniel whispers from behind the safety of darkness.

There’s a brief silence and Daniel wants to curl up in a ball and hide.

Then Max says, “Oh,” like he just figured out what Daniel meant. “Oh, Daniel. No. You’re not shit. You’re never shit.”

“I feel like shit,” Daniel whispers, his eyes still firmly closed.

“I know,” Max says gently. “But you’re not.”

“You promise?” Daniel whispers.

“I promise.”

Daniel moves so he can hear Max’s heartbeat and rests his head on Max’s chest. Max strokes his back in long soothing strokes. It feels like Max is content to stay right where he is for as long as Daniel needs.

After a while, Daniel takes a deep breath and asks the question he’s been wanting to ask since their fight. “Do you really think I could come back to Red Bull?”

“Yes. And I didn’t mean only as a reserve driver! You would have to start as that because there are no free seats right now, but I didn’t mean you would stay like that. You’re a great driver.”

“You really think that?”

“Yes, of course I do.”

Daniel fiddles with Max’s hand. Max keeps stroking his hair with his other hand and lets Daniel think. Daniel thinks about Max’s reaction to everything he’s said today and decides he can tell him the truth.

“I don’t even know if I like racing anymore.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“It’s not fun for you anymore, and if it’s not fun, it’s just a shitty job where everyone is watching you not have fun.”

Daniel laughs, but it’s more of a sob. Max keeps gently stroking his hair.

Max’s words and actions are so gentle that Daniel thinks he can ask the question that’s been tormenting his thoughts for months.

“Would you still like me if I wasn’t an F1 driver?”

“Of course!”

“Oh.”

“I would like you if you never raced cars again. I like you, Daniel, not whatever it is you do for a living.”

That’s a much better answer than he was expecting and gives him the courage to ask the next question, the one he’s been trying not to think about because of how much it hurts. “Would you still want me to be your daddy?” He can’t look at Max when he asks.

Max squeezes his hand. “Oh, Daniel, have you been worrying about that on top of everything else?”

Daniel nods into Max’s chest.

“Of course I still want you to be my daddy. You’re the best daddy in the world. It doesn’t matter if you’re an F1 driver or not.”

“Really?” He looks at Max, not fully believing him, but Max looks completely sincere.

“Of course. Do you think Maxy cares about that at all? I promise, he really really doesn’t. He just loves you for being you.”

“Oh.” Daniel ducks his head to hide his grateful tears.

“I love you too.” Max’s voice is quiet.

Daniel twists to stare at him. “What?”

“I love you, Daniel.” Max’s voice is stronger this time.

“But—”

“I love you when you’re happy, and I love you when you’re crying.”

Daniel laughs, his vision blurred by tears.

“I love you when you answer the phone when I call in the middle of the night and I love you when you call me in the middle of the night. I love you when you bring me Kanga, Roo, and Mousie, even if we’re fighting.”

Daniel cringes. “I’m sorry I kept them from you.”

“You didn’t! As soon as you found them you brought them to me, even though you were exhausted and sad and angry, and I love you for that.”

“Oh.” Daniel thinks about that. “What prompted you to tell me you love me now?”

Max smiles. “Because I thought it would make you happy.”

Daniel is appalled. “Max! You didn’t have to do it just because of that.”

“I know. But did it make you happy?”

“Yes, of course. But—”

“No buts, Daniel. I do love you. I was just too scared to say it. But if I can make you happy, that’s a pretty good reason to be a bit scared for a second. And, you know what? It gets easier every time I say it. I love you, Daniel.”

Daniel can’t help his smile.

“I love you, Daniel. I love you; I love you; I love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it, and I’m not as good at talking as you are, but I love you.”

Daniel laughs, the tears welling up again. “I’d say you’re doing pretty great.”

“Oh. Good.” Max smiles. “Do you want me to keep telling you when I love you?”

Daniel nods and Max gently brushes away Daniel’s tears.

“I love you when you hold me and when you let me hold you. I love that you always, always reach back when I reach out. I love you when you’re on the grid and I’ll love you if you’re off the grid.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I love you all the time. I love you when I’m adult Max and when I’m Maxy. I’m going to keep loving you whether you’re driving or not. I love you for being you, not what you do for a job.”

Daniel can feel more tears threatening, but he doesn’t want to cry in front of Max. He’s supposed to be the strong one, the funny one who’s always smiling. Max said he wants to take care of him, but he doesn’t want to see Daniel cry more than a few tears, not the flood he can feel coming.

He rolls away from Max and Max lets him go.

“Daniel?”

“I’m fine.” His voice cracks.

“Okay,” Max says. “It is, of course, okay if you’re not. I still love you.”

Max puts his hand on Daniel’s back and Daniel can’t hold back the tears anymore. He’s trying to cry silently, but his back shakes and he knows it must be obvious.

“Can I hold you?” Max’s voice is gentle.

Daniel wants to say no, wants to be strong, but he wants to be held by Max so much more. He nods.

Max wraps his arms around him and holds him tight. “Oh, Daniel. It’s okay if you cry. It’s a positive outlet for strong emotions, remember?”

Daniel nods and laughs through his tears at Max remembering that.

Max kisses his hair. “You’re strong even if you cry and I still love you. You’re not going to lose me. I’m going to keep loving you, no matter where you are or what you’re doing.”

Daniel suddenly needs to see Max, so he twists in Max’s arms until he’s facing him. Max lets him and wraps his arms tight around Daniel again once he’s stopped moving, dropping kisses onto Daniel’s forehead.

“You’re so good, Daniel, and I love you. You’re such a great daddy and a great person, and I love you. You’re going to keep being my daddy and my darling Daniel. I know darling is your name for me, so I’ll use something else, but you are my darling, my dearly loved person, and I love you.”

Daniel brings his hands to his face, trying to stop his face from contorting, trying to keep some composure, but it’s a losing battle.

Max strokes his back, holding him close. “I’m not going anywhere, and I love you. I’m going to stay right here holding you, and I love you. It’s okay if you cry; I still love you. I love you; I love you; I love you.”

The dam finally breaks and Daniel buries his face in Max’s shirt, crying out all the anger, frustration, and sadness of the last few months. He cries like he hasn’t in ages, sobbing into Max’s chest.

Max’s arms remain strong around him, his hands gentle on Daniel’s back. Max keeps talking and Daniel catches words like “good” and “strong” and “love”. So much love.

Daniel finally cries himself out and lies there in Max’s arms, feeling wrung out but a lot lighter.

He touches Max’s shirt where it’s wet from his tears. “I got your shirt all wet. I’m sorry.”

Max laughs. “You have no idea how much I don’t care about that.” He reaches over to the bedside table and hands Daniel a tissue. Daniel takes it gratefully and blows his nose, then isn’t sure what to do.

To Daniel’s surprise, Max takes the tissue from his hand, tosses it into the wastebasket, then tugs Daniel back into his arms.

“How are you feeling?” Max asks gently.

Now that the wave of emotion has passed, shame is creeping in. Daniel kind of wants to pull away and hide, but Max’s arms around him feel so nice. “Embarrassed,” Daniel whispers, hoping that Max won’t laugh at him.

Max tightens his arms around Daniel. “Hey, no. It’s just you and me here, and I don’t think you did anything embarrassing.”

“Oh.”

Max strokes his back and kisses his forehead.

“I feel lighter,” Daniel says quietly. Max deserves the truth.

“Oh, that’s wonderful!”

“But… I’m supposed to be the funny one. No one wants to see me cry.” Daniel feels exposed, like he’s been stripped naked and is waiting for Max’s judgement.

Max pulls him in tight again. “I do. I love you for so much more than just being ‘the funny one’. I love you for all parts of you.”

A few more tears leak from Daniel’s eyes. Max’s words feel like a soft blanket, protecting him and soothing his raw spots.

Max cradles the back of his head. “I love you, Daniel. I love you when you’re laughing and I love you when you cry. Thank you for letting me comfort you.”

Daniel gently pushes on Max’s chest and Max pulls away instantly, yanking his hands away from Daniel.

“No!” Daniel says in alarm. “Just—” He pulls Max’s hand to his hair and pushes on Max’s shoulder, trying to get him to lie flat.

“Oh.” Max smiles and lies on his back. “You want me to pet your hair?”

Daniel nods and rests his head on Max’s chest, trying to find a dry spot.

“Here,” Max says, “lift up for a second.” Daniel does and Max pulls off his shirt and lies down again. “There.”

Daniel rests his head on Max’s chest and Max runs his hand through Daniel’s hair.

“I love you, Daniel. Thank you for letting me hold you.”

“You don’t think I’m weak?”

“Why would you be weak?”

Daniel laughs, still sniffling. “I just cried in your arms?”

“Hey, if anyone knows how much work it is to cry in someone’s arms, it’s me,” Max says, self-deprecatingly. His voice gets softer. “And, well, you say I’m strong when I cry, so why aren’t you?”

That shuts Daniel up.

“Maybe… if we’re both not embarrassed by crying, we can both be strong when we cry too?” Max asks.

Daniel looks at Max and he’s smiling tentatively. Daniel smiles back. “Yeah, okay. That’s a good idea, darling.”

Max’s smile gets a lot bigger. “I had a really good teacher.”

“Oh.” Daniel doesn’t know what to say to that. “Me?”

“Yes, you.” Max pets his hair. “I’ve loved you for so long. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you earlier.”

“Hey, no apologies. Today was a really nice day to do it.” He laughs. “I didn’t think I’d cry when I heard it though.”

“Maybe I set a good example,” Max says jokingly.

Daniel can’t let Max joke about that. “Yeah,” Daniel says seriously. “Yeah, darling, you did.”

Max’s laughter changes to a genuine smile. “You made it okay for me to cry, so now I’m passing that on to you. Just one of the many many reasons I love you.”

Daniel rests his head on Max’s chest again and Max pets his hair for a few minutes.

“Alright, I’m starving,” Max says. “Do you think you can eat if I make something simple?”

Daniel blinks at the sudden topic change, but smiles and nods. “Yeah, I think so. I’ll try.”

Max smiles. “That’s all I want.”

~~~

Max makes toast and eggs, but when they’re done, he carries them past where Daniel is sitting at the table to the couch and puts the food down on the coffee table. Then he walks back to Daniel and extends his hand in an elaborate flourish. “Come sit with me, good sir,” he says, bowing his head over his hand.

Daniel laughs and takes Max’s hand and Max leads him to the couch. Max hands him the smaller plate and a big glass of water. “There’s more if you want, but start with that.”

Max slides over so he’s sitting right next to Daniel and gently wraps his arm around him. Daniel rests his head on Max’s shoulder for a second in silent thanks.

“Hey, we’re just in time,” Max says cheerfully. “You can see the guy who walks his dogs while wearing neon tights.”

Daniel looks to where Max is pointing, and sure enough, a guy walks by with three dogs and neon green tights.

“Green today. Sometimes they’re bright pink; once they were neon yellow. I bet the yellow ones were see-through up close. May I never see that.”

Daniel laughs at Max’s deadpan voice and starts eating his toast. It doesn’t seem to sit in his stomach like as much of a rock as usual.

Max keeps up a running commentary on the people passing by and it keeps making Daniel laugh. His plate is empty before he knows it and he’s still feeling good.

Max offers him a piece of toast from his plate when he sees that Daniel’s plate is empty, but Daniel shakes his head. He doesn’t want to push it. “Maybe more later?” Daniel asks.

Max nods and puts Daniel’s plate on the table, then leans back and drapes his arm around Daniel’s shoulders again. Daniel sighs and leans into Max. He rests his head on Max’s shoulder, closing his eyes for a minute.

~~~

Daniel blinks awake. He’s stretched out on the couch, with his head in Max’s lap and a blanket pulled over him. Max has his hand on Daniel’s shoulder and is looking at his phone.

“Sorry I fell asleep.”

Max squeezes Daniel’s shoulder. “Hey, no. I’m so glad this is a safe place for you to sleep.”

Daniel lies there for a while, then gets up to use the bathroom. When he gets back, there's a glass of his favourite juice and a protein bar sitting on the coffee table. He drinks and eats about half of each of them before stopping.

“I don’t think I can finish them.”

“That’s okay. Whatever you can do is great.”

Max takes the leftovers from Daniel and puts them back on the table. Then he pats his lap again, gesturing for Daniel to lie down. Daniel hesitantly lies down with his head in Max’s lap, then relaxes when Max starts petting his hair.

After a while, Max says quietly, “Okay, you don’t have to talk, but I’d like to listen if you want to. You don’t even have to look at me – you can close your eyes or look out the window.” Max gently strokes his hand through Daniel’s curls and doesn’t look at Daniel.

Daniel is pretty sure he knows what Max wants him to talk about — everything that’s making him so upset. But that’s still so raw; he’s not sure he can.

“What do you want me to talk about?” He’ll see how Max’s answer makes him feel.

“Whatever you want. I just want to listen.”

Daniel closes his eyes for a second to compose himself. He could hear in Max’s voice that the offer was genuine. Max would sit here and pet Daniel’s hair while he talked about his favourite bands, if that’s what Daniel decided to do. Daniel takes a deep breath in and blows it out.

“Can you tell me again?” he whispers.

“I just want to listen,” Max says immediately.

“No, not that—from earlier.” He opens his eyes to watch Max’s face.

Max pauses for a second and Daniel thinks he’ll have to explain more when Max looks at him and smiles.

“I love you, Daniel.”

Daniel’s breath catches. That’s exactly what he wanted to hear.

“I love you; I love you; I love you. Thank you for being you.”

Daniel blinks rapidly. He’s not going to cry again. “Shhhh. All done now.”

Max’s smile crinkles the lines around his eyes as he looks at Daniel. “Alright. But I’ll say it whenever you want.”

Daniel looks at the warmth in Max’s eyes and can’t help asking, “Once more?”

“I love you, Daniel.”

Daniel blinks hard and Max gently brushes away the tear that escaped. Daniel thinks he knows now why Max is always a bit overwhelmed by that gesture when Daniel does it — Daniel feels so taken care of and so loved.

He looks at Max one more time. He’s looking back so warmly and so patiently.

“Okay,” Daniel whispers. Then, “Okay,” a bit louder.

Max’s fingers card gently through his hair and Daniel finally starts talking.

He tells Max about the building frustration of the last two seasons, his awful driving but also the lack of support from the team, all leading up to him having to make a decision of whether to walk away from McLaren, take the buyout money, and leave his F1 career in flames behind him, or stay with McLaren just to spite them and suffer through another awful season.

“But I just couldn’t stay, Max. I can’t eat and I’m barely sleeping. But, where will I go? I don’t want to go to Williams and drive around in a car that’s supposed to be at the back. Maybe I’ll go race NASCAR and drive around in circles until I can only turn left.”

Max laughs and Daniel chuckles. “Thanks for listening.”

Max squeezes his arm. “Thanks for talking. I know it's hard.”

Daniel looks at Max. “You really want me to come back to Red Bull?”

Max smiles. “Yeah. If you want to, I’d love it. I loved having you as my teammate, and it would be awesome to race against you again. I think we’ve both matured a lot since the last time we were teammates.”

“Yeah. No more Baku,” Daniel says jokingly.

Max laughs. “Exactly. And Daniel, I know I said it earlier, but you’d only have to start as a reserve driver because there is no seat available. I would never say you’re not good enough to be a real driver. I know you’re good enough.”

Daniel can’t meet Max’s eyes, and blinks hard at the absolute confidence in Max’s voice.

“You really still think I’m good enough?” His voice wavers at the end, despite his attempts to keep it steady.

“Of course you are. I think you’ll need to learn to be comfortable in the car again and have a team that supports you. But yeah, you don’t forget how to drive. You’re still a great driver.”

Daniel reaches up and squeezes Max’s hand on his shoulder in thanks.

“Why were you talking about me at Red Bull?” He still feels a bit sensitive about that.

“I wasn’t.”

“But—you said—”

“I know what I said. I should have said it more clearly. I was in a meeting where there was a discussion about whether or not you’d want to come back, but I didn’t say anything. I knew you wouldn’t like me doing that. I was trying to tell you about it so you could reach out if you wanted to.”

“And I swore at you in thanks.” Daniel wants to curl in a ball of shame.

“You were exhausted and unhappy. I should have explained it better.”

“But—”

Max cuts him off. “It was a really tough day for both of us and we both wish we’d behaved differently. I’ll accept your apology if you’ll accept mine?”

“But—what I did was worse!”

“Are you not going to accept my apology?”

“No—of course I am.”

“Then I accept yours.”

“But you didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Too late. I’ve already accepted your apology. No takesy-backsies.”

Daniel laughs. He’s pretty sure he’s not going to win this one. “Takesy-backsies?”

“Yup. None of them.”

He laughs again. “Alright.” He glances up at Max and then looks away quickly. Max strokes his arm encouragingly, giving him time.

Daniel takes a deep breath. “Other people at Red Bull want me back too?”

“Yes. It was just a question of whether or not you’d want to come back. You know the team loves you.”

“They do?”

“Of course they do.”

Max keeps stroking his arm while Daniel thinks.

“I think I would like to come back, yeah. Even if it’s just as a reserve driver first.”

Max grins, bright and happy. Daniel smiles back.

“I’ll contact them to set up a meeting when I’m back on my laptop?” Daniel asks.

“That sounds lovely.” Max squeezes his shoulder. “Am I allowed to say I’m proud of you?” he asks quietly.

Daniel nods and Max squeezes his shoulder again. “I’m so proud of you, Daniel.”

“Thank you.” Daniel feels lighter than he has in months. He also feels exhausted, his body sagging with relief at the weight that’s been lifted.

Max pulls the blanket over Daniel again. “Go back to sleep. We can talk more when you wake up.”

Daniel closes his eyes and lets gentle hands soothe him to sleep.

~~~

Daniel wakes up a few hours later, judging by the sun. He’s hungrier than he’s been in ages. His head is still in Max’s lap and Max is looking at something on his phone.

“Hi, Max.”

Max smiles. “Hi, Daniel. How are you feeling?”

“Hungry.”

Max’s smile gets bigger. “That’s great. How does soup sound?”

“Delicious.”

Max places the order on his phone and stretches his arms up over his head. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Nothing official scheduled. Why?”

“Do you want me to be little?”

Daniel stares at Max. “You’d trust me with little you?”

"Of course I trust you. We had an argument, Daniel. That happens. We worked it out. But I still trust you."

"But I was mean Daniel."

"You weren’t. Mean Daniel doesn’t exist. You yelled once and it was when I was an adult. Would you yell at Maxy?"

"No!"

"So...?"

"But I punished you by ignoring you all weekend."

"I think we already established that you were doing that to punish yourself," Max says gently.

Daniel flinches and Max settles a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I trust you, Daniel. I'd like to be little with you if you want that."

Daniel wants that so much and Max looks so sincere. Except…

“But—you were scared of me being with little Max. You said no to our usual little time.” Daniel can’t blame Max for that decision at all, but it still hurts.

“I wasn’t scared of you.”

Daniel laughs in disbelief.

“I wasn’t! I just—I didn’t want you to do anything you regretted later.”

Daniel flinches again. He was right about Max not trusting him with little Max, but it hurts to have it confirmed. “So, you were worried that I’d—what? Yell at little Max? Maybe hit him?”

“No! I told you I wasn’t scared of you. I wasn’t then and I’m not now.”

Max looks like he means it and Daniel doesn’t understand. “Then—why did you say no?”

“You called yourself mean Daniel because you raised your voice at adult me for like two seconds.”

“So?”

“So, what if you did something you thought was mean to Maxy?” He keeps talking over Daniel’s wordless sound of protest. “Not like yelling at him or hitting him. But kids are annoying! I didn’t want you to get annoyed at Maxy and then be upset at yourself.”

Daniel blinks. That wasn't what he was expecting, Max being more concerned about Daniel's feelings than his own. He wishes he was holding Max, but he’s not, so he reaches up and takes Max’s hand.

“You were trying to protect me from being hurt?”

Max nods.

“That was very sweet of you,” Daniel says and Max smiles. “But, darling, wouldn’t you have been hurt too if I had reacted like that?”

Max shakes his head. “Maxy can handle it! He’d know you didn’t mean it!”

Yeah, Daniel can’t listen to this without holding Max.

He sits up and Max looks at him in surprise. He slides over to the corner of the couch and leans back, opening his arms invitingly. “Can I hold you?”

“Oh. Okay.”

Max shuffles over and leans tentatively against him.

Daniel puts his arms around him and strokes his back. Max doesn’t relax like usual and Daniel thinks about how Max has been putting Daniel’s needs first, even though Daniel knows he must be upset too. Based on what Max just said, he probably doesn’t want Daniel to have to take care of him.

Daniel wants Max to know how good of a job he’s been doing taking care of Daniel. He thinks about singing ‘Max is good’, but it’s not quite right for this situation. He casts around for a way to do it, then internally rolls his eyes at himself. He can use his words.

“You’re doing a really good job, darling.”

“I am?” Max sounds surprised.

“Yeah, you are.”

Max looks at him, still looking confused.

Daniel feels weird talking about himself, but he’s already sobbed on Max today, so if this helps Max believe he’s doing a good job, Daniel can do it. “You’ve made me feel so supported and loved. Thank you.”

“Oh.”

Max is still tense against him, so Daniel thinks about what else he can say.

“I love holding you, Max. I missed this when I was being grouchy.”

Max laughs in surprise and rests his head gingerly on Daniel’s chest.

Daniel brings his hand up to stroke Max’s hair and Max relaxes against him.

“The last few days have been pretty hard, haven’t they?” Daniel asks softly.

Max nods into his chest.

“I’m sorry. They were hard for me too. I sure missed you.” The words are coming easier now, Max’s warm, trusting weight on him helping a lot.

“I missed you too,” Max whispers.

Daniel keeps stroking Max’s hair, and Max snuggles a bit closer, making himself comfortable.

Daniel thinks about Max’s earlier words. Max might not think they need addressing, but Daniel knows they do.

“Darling, you said that kids are annoying. But little you isn’t annoying.”

Max laughs. “All kids are annoying, Daniel.”

Daniel can almost hear Jos’ voice.

“Do you think they are? Are your nephews annoying?”

Max is silent.

“Darling?”

Max shakes his head. “No. But Maxy is.”

“Is he?”

“You know he is! Like his never ending ‘Daddy?’, ‘Daddy?’, ‘Daddy?’” He raises his voice at the end, imitating little Max in a way that makes Daniel’s chest hurt. He’s gone tense against Daniel again.

Daniel thinks about little Max’s (and sometimes adult Max’s) way of getting his attention. He thinks Max does it to gauge his mood - a check to make sure that Daniel isn't mad before he asks what's actually important. He suspects that conversations with Jos often ended at that check.

“I don’t think that’s annoying, darling. I don’t think anything little Max does is annoying.”

“You don’t?” Max peers up at him.

“No. He says that because it makes him feel safer, right?”

Max furrows his brow in thought.

“Maybe,” he says eventually, so quietly that Daniel can barely hear him.

Daniel slowly reaches out to stroke Max’s cheek and Max closes his eyes and tilts his face into the touch.

“If it makes him or you feel safer, then I’m glad he does it. It never annoys me.”

“Really?”

“Really really.”

“Really really really?” Max looks at him, a small smile on his face.

Daniel leans over and kisses his forehead. “Really.” A kiss on his cheek. “Really.” And a kiss on his other cheek. “Really.”

“No nose kiss?” Max asks, grinning.

Daniel laughs and stretches so he can kiss Max’s nose. “There.”

Max laughs. “Thank you.” He rests his head on Daniel’s chest again and Daniel strokes his hair.

“Little Max doesn’t annoy me, darling. I promise.”

“What about when you were grouchy?”

Daniel snorts. “Birds singing annoyed me then, Max. Everything annoyed me.”

Max rolls his eyes. “Birds singing annoys everyone sometimes. They wake up too early.”

Daniel laughs.

“Did Maxy annoy you?” Max asks quietly, wiping the smile off Daniel’s face.

“No, darling. And neither did you.”

“I annoyed you a bit.”

Daniel has to concede that. “Maybe a tiny bit. But it was more that you were making me face things I didn’t want to. I’m sorry; I should have behaved better.”

Max reaches out and takes his hand, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. “You were sad and mad. And really really tired. You did your best.”

Daniel can’t really disagree with the first part — his recent memories are an unhappy and exhausted haze, punctuated by flares of anger. He’s not sure about doing his best, but Max sounds sure.

He keeps stroking Max’s hair, soaking up the feeling of holding Max.

“I think maybe you were right that I wasn’t in the right mood to take care of little Max.” Now that he’s not exhausted and can look back with a clear head, Daniel’s pretty sure he wasn’t in the right mood to take care of anyone, including himself.

Max squeezes his hand. “I should have texted you more than just ‘No.’”

Daniel starts to agree, thinking about how much that text hurt to read, then shakes his head. “I wasn’t exactly in a good headspace. I’m not sure there’s anything you could have texted that I would have listened to.”

“Probably, but I didn’t have to keep it that short. You thought I was scared of you with Maxy.”

Daniel can’t deny that.

“If I ever have to send you a text like that again,” Max says, “I’ll make it longer. I’ll try not to add to your brain being mean to you.”

Daniel doesn’t know what to say, so he squeezes Max’s hand and Max squeezes back.

“Did finding Kanga help?” Max asks.

“Yeah. I had to get her back to you.” He tilts his head, frowning as he realizes something. “Why didn’t you come get her and Roo and Mousie when I wasn’t here? I know you have a key.”

Max squirms and doesn’t answer.

“Max?”

“I knew they were safe,” Max says.

That’s not an answer to the question he asked, and Max isn’t looking at him — he almost seems nervous. Daniel thinks of a possible reason, but he can’t imagine it being true.

“Darling, did you leave them at my place intentionally?”

Max glances up at him. “Not at first.”

That’s not an answer to the question he asked either.

“But later, once you realized where they were and you knew I wasn’t home?”

“I thought they might remind you of me,” Max says quietly. “I thought… maybe they’d give you a reason to come back.”

Tears sting Daniel's eyes. His guess was right. Max went an entire race weekend without Mousie, just in case the little mouse would encourage him to come back.

Max peeks up at him. “Daniel?”

“You left me Mousie.” Daniel’s voice cracks.

“And you brought him back to me.” Max’s voice is pretty unsteady too.

Daniel pulls Max closer and just holds him again. Max doesn’t seem in any hurry to leave either, snuggling closer into Daniel’s arms.

“I love you; you know that?” Daniel asks.

“Yeah,” Max says softly. “I love you too.”

Daniel smiles, then thinks of something from last night.

“Wait, if you intentionally left the animals to encourage me to come back, why did you tell me to go away last night?”

Max laughs sheepishly. “Because I was sad and hurt and I’d just woken up. I regretted it as soon as you turned away.”

Daniel smiles. “I know that feeling. I’m glad I came back.”

“Me too.”

Daniel runs his fingers through Max’s hair. “I’m sorry I let it get that bad.”

“You were trying your best.”

Daniel smiles at Max’s immediate support. “I maybe could have been slightly less stubborn at asking for help.”

“You’ll be better next time.”

“I’ll try. Especially now that I know how good you are at helping.” He laughs, but it feels like his brain has taken a sudden turn down a dark alley. “Maybe you should be the daddy,” he says, trying to joke, but winces when he can’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Max twists to stare at him.

Now that Daniel’s started, the rest of his thoughts come tumbling out. “Doesn’t this screw up your perception of me? And… earlier. Aren’t daddies supposed to be invincible?”

Max laughs. It’s not a happy sound. “Invincible, like they never show any emotion except anger? I had that, Daniel. I never want it again. And if you’re weak when you accept help, then am I weak when I do?”

Oh.

“Of course not. You’re so strong.”

Max looks at him.

“So… that makes me strong too, doesn’t it?”

“I think so,” Max says quietly.

“So, seeing me like this is… helpful to you?”

Max frowns and Daniel hurries to clarify. “Not helpful like you wanted this. I know you didn’t. But like, it lets you know it’s okay for you to show emotion and ask for help too.”

Max nods. “Of course I do not want you to feel like this. But yes. Maybe if I see you like this, or you call me for help after a nightmare, then I’ll think I’m as strong as you are when I do the same thing.”

Daniel wants to make a joke about his own lack of strength, but he knows that would hurt Max. Plus, Daniel doesn’t think Max is weak when he calls for help after a nightmare, so maybe he should tell the mean part of his brain that says it's different for Daniel to fuck off. Max thinks Daniel is strong, and that’s all that matters.

Daniel takes Max’s hand and squeezes it. “Then we can both be strong when we show emotions and ask for help, okay?” Daniel says.

Max smiles and squeezes his hand back. “Okay.”

Daniel smiles too. “If you still want me to be your daddy tomorrow, I would love to. But I might be sad."

“Then Maxy will hug you.”

Daniel laughs. “Of course he will. Okay, we’ll do it.”

Max beams. “Awesome.” He rests his head on Daniel’s chest again and Daniel strokes his hair until Max’s phone dings.

“The food is here.”

Max starts to stand up, but Daniel stops him before he can go to the door. “Max?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. I love you.”

Max smiles and bends down to hug Daniel. “I love you too.” He kisses Daniel’s cheek and he’s still beaming when he walks away.

Daniel can’t wipe the smile off his face either, so he supposes that’s fair.

Max brings in the soup and they eat at the table. Max tentatively hooks his leg around Daniel’s, then smiles when Daniel moves closer so it’s an easier reach.

When they’re done eating, Daniel tells Max he’s going to go back to his place to pick up some stuff.

“But you’ll come back, right?” Max checks.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Max.”

“I love you too, Daniel.”

Daniel’s smiling when he walks out the door and when he looks back, Max is standing in the doorway smiling back at him.

~~~

Daniel’s a bit shocked by the state of his apartment, now that he’s not so tired. It’s clear the person who’s been living there hasn’t been in a good state for a while. There are dishes in the sink and scattered around the apartment, the table is covered in stuff, the garbage is overflowing under the sink, and his laundry hasn’t been done for at least two races. He feels overwhelmed and wants to go back to Max’s, but this is his mess and he has to deal with it.

He puts on a load of laundry and starts to tackle the dishes. There are a lot of them.

His phone buzzes after a while, when he’s still working his way through the dishes. It feels like the pile of dishes is getting higher.

It’s Max.

Are you coming back?

He dries his hands and hits the call button.

“Daniel?”

“Hey. Sorry, just got caught up cleaning my place. I guess I haven’t been in a great space for the last little while.” He looks around, seeing all the work he still has to do. The overwhelmed feeling is coming back. He realizes that Max saw his apartment on the day of their fight and a hard knot of shame forms in his stomach. Max must think he’s a slob. He forces himself to laugh and make a joke. “It’s kind of a disaster.”

“Can I come help?”

Daniel almost laughs. Of course Max would offer.

“No, it’s my mess, not—” he stops and thinks about setting a good example of asking for help for Max. The shame is still sitting like a rock in his stomach, but it’s not like Max hasn’t already seen the mess. “Actually, yeah, that would be really nice.”

“I’ll be right down.”

Daniel hangs up and picks up the next dish. He washes it carefully. Max already saw his place and still offered to help. Daniel doesn’t have to feel bad.

Daniel still feels bad.

Max says something behind him and Daniel jumps and nearly drops the plate he’s holding into the sink.

“Sorry!” Max says. “I thought you heard me come in! I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Daniel turns off the tap and turns to face Max. “It’s okay. I guess the water was too loud. What did you say?”

“I said: I’m here. What do you want me to do?”

Daniel doesn’t know what to say to that. The apartment is so messy and he’s completely overwhelmed.

“Can I hug you?” Max asks.

“What?”

“Can I hug you?”

“Okay.”

Max opens his arms and Daniel steps into them, but forgets that his hands are still wet until they touch Max’s shirt.

“Fuck! I’m sorry!”

“Hey, come here.”

Max grabs a towel and dries Daniel’s hands, then leads him to the couch and sits down, pulling Daniel down beside him. Daniel winces when he notices a dirty cup he missed on the side table.

Max follows his gaze and frowns. Daniel tries not to cringe, but he doesn’t think he’s successful.

“Can you close your eyes?” Max asks.

“What?”

Max wraps his arms around Daniel. “Close your eyes? Please?”

Daniel does.

“There, it’s gone.”

“What?”

“The mess. That’s what's upsetting you, right?”

Daniel laughs, but it’s not happy. He opens his eyes. “Yes, the mess, but more that I was living in a pigsty and couldn’t even see it!”

“You were sad and tired. Isn’t it a good thing you can see it now?”

“Yeah, I guess. But it shouldn’t have gotten like this.”

“A bit messy?”

“A bit messy? It’s a disaster!”

“I bet we can have it cleaned up in an hour.”

Daniel looks at Max. “You’re not going to let me sulk, are you?”

“No.” Max shakes his head. “Especially not over the fact you’re now feeling better enough to notice things you didn’t before.”

“When you put it that way, what I said sounds stupid,” Daniel says with a smile.

“Nah. You just needed a different perspective.”

Daniel laughs again, but this time it’s happy, and leans into Max, who squeezes him gently. “Alright. Thank you for coming.”

“No place I’d rather be.”

“I’m sure there are plenty of places you’d rather be than cleaning up my mess.”

Max leans in and kisses his cheek. “Maybe, if you were there too. But right now, you letting me help you is the best thing I could have asked for and I’m so happy I’m here.”

Daniel has to squeeze his eyes shut for a second to get his emotions back under control. “Thank you,” he says when he thinks his voice is vaguely normal again.

Max kisses his cheek again. “Thank you for letting me. What do you want me to do?”

Daniel doesn’t know where to start and shakes his head.

“Alright. Do you want to keep doing dishes or do you want to do something else?”

Daniel thinks of the still looming pile of dishes and shakes his head. “I could work on the laundry?”

“Lovely. I’ll take over the dishes.”

“Okay.”

Max hugs him once more, then hops up from the couch. He goes straight to the dirty cup and picks it up. “See? Gone! And you didn’t even have to close your eyes!”

Daniel laughs and Max grins and takes the cup into the kitchen.

Daniel gets up and heads into his bedroom to gather all the clothes from the last few races. He strips the sheets off the bed too. He doesn’t want to think about how long it’s been.

He pops his head into the kitchen to make sure Max is still okay with cleaning his mess. Max grins at him when he walks in, up to his elbows in soapsuds.

“Making sure I’m washing everything properly?”

“Max! No!”

Max laughs. “I know. Don’t worry, I think I put the right soap in the dishwasher, although I guess we’ll find out if I’m swept out of the kitchen by bubbles.”

Daniel laughs and steps forward to kiss Max on the forehead. Max smiles and leans in to kiss him back on the cheek.

The dryer dings that the load he put in is done, so Daniel leaves Max to the dishes, with another kiss on Max’s cheek first. He switches the washer and dryer, then carries the basket of dry towels to the living room and sits down on the couch to fold them.

But the couch is very soft and the towels are nice and warm and Daniel is still really tired. He leans against the side of the couch for a minute and closes his eyes, listening to Max humming in the kitchen.

~~~

The sun is way lower in the sky when Daniel wakes up. He’s lying on the couch, there’s a pillow under his head, a blanket draped over him, and — he laughs softly — he’s holding Kanga in his arms.

Max walks out of the kitchen. When he sees that Daniel’s awake, he smiles. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

Daniel sits up and puts Kanga on his knee. “You thought I’d sleep better with Kanga?”

Max laughs. “Well, I always do. I needed someone to hug you for me so I could keep cleaning.”

Daniel looks around. The towels he was folding are gone and the living room has been tidied up. He gets up and walks into the bedroom. His suitcase is unpacked and put away, and the bed is made with fresh sheets.

“Max,” Daniel says, not knowing what he’s even trying to say.

“Come see the kitchen?” Max asks.

He follows Max into the kitchen and stops in his tracks.

The kitchen is clean. All the dishes are washed and put away, and the counters are sparkling. But the thing that stopped him is the gorgeous bouquet of yellow roses sitting in a vase in the middle of the now clean table.

“Max—what—” He walks to the table and gently touches one of the roses, almost not believing they’re really there. The petals are soft under his fingers.

“Do you like them?”

“Of course! They’re beautiful. But—why? And—you cleaned up all my mess. You didn’t have to do that. It was my mess. I should have done it.”

Max comes towards him and takes his hand. “Hey, Daniel, remember the time a very sad little boy showed up at your place at 3 am and you took care of him and put him to bed and then went and cleaned up his place so adult me wouldn’t have to deal with the mess the next day?”

Daniel nods.

“I’m not saying I’m returning the favour, because I know we don’t keep track, but believe me, I was very happy to be able to help you like that.”

Daniel pulls Max in for a hug, and Max hugs him back.

“I love you,” Daniel says into Max’s hair.

“I love you too.”

Max hugs him until he pulls away a bit, then keeps his arms looped around Daniel’s waist. He doesn’t say anything about the tears Daniel’s wiping away.

“And the roses?” Daniel asks, hoping Max will ignore the way his voice cracks.

“They remind me of you,” Max says with a smile. “And you always do little things like that for me, so I thought I could do something like that for you. You like them?”

“I love them. And I love you. Thank you.”

“Truly, my pleasure. I’m so happy to see you looking better.”

“I feel better. Still not 100% though.”

“That will come,” Max says with such confidence that Daniel can’t help but believe him. “And now that you’ve awake, we can have dinner together!”

Daniel smiles. “Can we eat at the table so I can admire the roses?”

Max grins. “Of course.”

~~~

After dinner, Max stretches and yawns, so exaggeratedly that Daniel thinks he must be faking, but he finds himself yawning as well.

“Alright, bedtime!” Max says, clapping his hands briskly.

“I can’t believe I’m still tired. I’ve done nothing but sleep today!”

“Of course you are still tired. When’s the last time you slept well?”

“Last night?”

Max looks at him. “Before that?”

“...Fine. It’s been a while.”

“You can’t expect to make up for that all in one day.”

“I know. But I want to!”

Max laughs, but it’s a friendly laugh. “Of course you do. But be gentle with yourself, okay?”

“Fine. Bedtime.” He looks at Max. “Will you come too?” he asks quietly.

“Of course I will.”

They get ready for bed and then get into bed with Max sitting up. Unlike Daniel, he doesn’t have a massive sleep debt. Daniel is already yawning and ready to go back to sleep when he lies down next to Max.

“You can wake me up if you want to, okay?” Max says.

“I know.”

“I’m serious, Daniel. I’ll wake you up if I need you, so you can wake me up if you need me. Or even if you just want someone to talk to or you want a hug.”

“Alright.”

“You promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

“Good.” Max’s hands run through his hair and Daniel closes his eyes.

“Sleep well, sunshine,” Max says softly.

Daniel opens his eyes and looks at Max. “Sunshine?”

Max blushes. “Sorry.”

“No, I like it! But I don’t feel much like sunshine right now.”

Max’s hands resume their gentle stroking through Daniel’s hair. “I know. But you’ll always be sunshine to me.”

Daniel closes his eyes, then opens them again. “Is that why you chose yellow roses?”

Max nods. “Roses for your tattoo, yellow for sunshine.”

Daniel smiles. He closes his eyes again and curls a bit closer to Max. “Say it again?”

Daniel can hear the smile in Max’s voice. “Good night, sunshine. I love you.”

“I love you too,” says Daniel.

Gentle lips brush his forehead. “I love you, my sunshine. Sleep well and I’m here for you if you need me.”

Daniel falls into sleep with a smile on his face and Max’s soft hands in his hair.

Chapter Text

Daniel wakes up the next morning to Max sliding back into bed.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning, Daniel.”

“Oh,” Daniel says. He tries to hide his disappointment, but Max frowns.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Hey, remember how we’re trying to talk to each other?” Max prods gently.

“I just—I thought you’d wake up as little Max. But that’s okay. Did you change your mind about being little?”

Max shakes his head, but he’s smiling. “Hey, Daniel, can you repeat after me? ‘I’m a good daddy and Max and Maxy love me and trust me.’”

Daniel laughs, a bit sheepishly. “I’m being negative again, aren’t I?”

Max nods. “A bit. But that’s okay. Can you repeat what I said?”

“Oh, alright. I’m a good daddy. And Max and Maxy love me.”

Max looks at him pointedly, clearly waiting.

“…And trust me.”

Max smiles. “Good. I’m not little because I wanted to make sure it was something you still wanted to do today. But you do?”

“Of course I do.”

“I just know Maxy can be a lot and I know you’re tired.”

“Hey, now who’s being negative? I am tired, but little Max is not a lot, or too much. He’s just right. If you want to be little today, I’d love to be your daddy.”

Max grins. “Look at us communicating. I would love to be little with you today.”

Daniel smiles back. “I thought we’d make pancakes for breakfast.”

Max nods. “That sounds lovely. Why don’t you go get ready for the day and use the bathroom without Maxy sitting right outside the door? Then we can make pancakes!”

"Hey, come here.” Daniel reaches out for Max and Max moves so he’s snuggling against him. “Thank you for suggesting that. But darling, I like getting ready with little Max. I like getting him ready for the day and it’s fun to brush my teeth with commentary.”

“I just thought it might be faster,” Max mutters.

“Probably, but that’s really not the goal. You don’t always have to go faster, darling.”

Max laughs and Daniel cringes a bit at the joke he’s left himself open to, about Daniel knowing what it’s like to not go faster.

Max rests his head on Daniel’s chest. "Yeah, I guess I could work on that. Alright, can you tell Maxy about the pancakes?”

Daniel squeezes Max’s arm in thanks and starts talking about the cool pancake shapes they’re going to make.

~~~

Once they’re dressed and ready (and Daniel has brushed his teeth with commentary and brushed Maxy’s teeth with much more gestured commentary), they go into the kitchen to make breakfast, but get sidetracked pretty quickly when Maxy sees the roses.

Maxy stops in his tracks. “Daddy!!”

“Yes?”

“They’re so pretty!”

“Yeah, they are.”

Daniel starts pulling out the pancake makings, but Maxy keeps staring at the roses. Daniel puts the ingredients down on the table, then stands next to Maxy.

“Do you like them?”

Maxy nods, then looks at Daniel, then back at the roses, and then back at Daniel.

“Darling, do you want to ask me something?”

Maxy looks at him with big eyes. “Can Maxy touch one?”

Daniel smiles. “Yes, you can. Thank you for asking.”

Maxy reaches his hand towards the roses, and Daniel realizes his mistake. “Wait, don’t touch the stems! They’re prickly!”

Maxy yanks his hand back. “No prickly!” He looks at the roses carefully. “Maxy could touch a flower?”

“Yeah, you can, sweetheart. Good idea.”

“Hi, rose! You’re pretty!” Maxy carefully touches the closest rose with one finger, then looks at Daniel in awe. “Daddy, it’s so soft!”

“Yeah, it is! Such a silky feeling.”

“Yeah! Silky!” Maxy keeps gently touching the rose, a look of delight on his face.

“Darling, do you want to help Daddy make breakfast now, or do you want me to start making it so you can keep touching the roses?” Daniel wants to get food into Maxy soon, as he can sometimes get a bit grumpy if he doesn’t eat for too long.

“Maxy helps!” He slowly pulls away from the rose, then darts back to give it a final pat.

“Sweetheart, you can keep touching the roses while we make pancakes if you want.”

“Maxy can do both??”

Maxy looks so adorably surprised that Daniel pulls him in for a hug. “Yeah, you can.”

Maxy grins and kisses his cheek. “Okay, Daddy!”

They start putting together the pancake recipe. Daniel measures out the ingredients and Maxy adds them to the bowl, then delicately touches the rose he’s adopted after each one.

When it comes time to add the eggs, Daniel gets Maxy to help him crack them, but some of the egg gets on Maxy’s fingers. Maxy looks dismayed, but he carefully examines each finger and then sticks out his pinkie to touch the rose.

“Keeping the roses egg-free, are you, darling?”

“Yeah! No eggs!!”

Daniel laughs. “Good job.”

Daniel grabs a wet dishcloth and wipes Maxy’s free hand. Maxy holds out the hand that had been petting the roses and Daniel wipes off each finger.

“There you go, all clean again.”

Maxy grins and touches the rose again with his newly cleaned fingers.

They finish making the batter and Daniel carries it over to the stove, then comes back to collect Maxy and the roses.

He puts the roses on the counter near the stove but not close enough for Maxy to get burned and moves a stool for Maxy to sit on. “Can you make sure the roses are happy while I cook the pancakes?”

“Okay!”

Daniel makes pancakes while Maxy explains to the roses what he’s doing. “See, it gets bubbles and then Daddy flips it! See, flip!”

The flip is not as elegant as it could have been and Maxy giggles and whispers to the roses, “Daddy squished it.”

Daniel laughs and ruffles Maxy’s hair, smiling when Maxy tilts his face into the touch.

Once the pancakes are done, and only slightly squished, Daniel moves Maxy and the roses and then the pancakes over to the table. He pulls the toppings out of the fridge – pre-cut up fruit and berries that are always on his delivery order. He’d tried just syrup instead of fruit the first time, but Maxy found it too sticky and sweet. Daniel’s happy about that now, as pancakes are one of Maxy’s favourite foods, but not really on adult Max’s diet plan when they’re saturated in syrup.

He puts pancakes on Maxy’s plate, then adds toppings - a mix of berries and a bit of syrup to make the fruit stay on. Usually Daniel would get Maxy to pick the fruit he wants, but Maxy is way too distracted by the roses right now. He cuts up Maxy’s pancakes, because Maxy is too little to coordinate the fork and knife at the same time, then hands Maxy his fork.

“Alright, darling! Breakfast!”

Maxy digs in with gusto, but when he looks up and sees the roses, he immediately gets distracted. He keeps trying to eat, but it gets a lot more haphazard. After the third time he’s missed his mouth with his fork and the berries fall back onto his plate, Daniel opens his mouth to offer to help, but Maxy puts his fork down before he can.

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Could Maxy get flowers for Daddy?”

Shame threatens to overwhelm Daniel for a second – he’s the daddy; he’s supposed to be the one who gets things for Maxy. But Maxy looks so sweet and not like he’s judging Daniel at all, and Daniel remembers when he was a kid and his dad helped him get flowers for his mom when she was having a bad day, and how happy he was that he could make his mom smile.

Daniel smiles at Maxy and Maxy beams. “Like adult Max did?”

Maxy nods.

“Of course you could. Which flowers would you get?”

Maxy tilts his head, thinking. Then he shakes his head. “Maxy doesn’t know. Pretty ones!” He looks at the roses and says quietly, “Maxy would get Daddy such pretty flowers.”

Daniel can’t give Maxy the exact same experience he had when he was a kid, but he can do something similar. “Do you want to get Daddy flowers now?”

Maxy’s jaw drops and he looks at Daniel, shocked. “Maxy can??”

Daniel feels a lot less bad about the whole situation when he sees how astonished Maxy is. He intellectually knows that Maxy isn’t judging him, but his heart doesn’t always believe that. But seeing Maxy's complete surprise and delight at the idea of doing something nice for Daniel makes him feel better – Maxy just wants him to be happy. “Yeah, darling. Here, you can choose which ones you want.” They can finish eating breakfast later.

Daniel wipes Maxy’s hands and face and moves the plates aside. He brings his laptop to the table and loads his favourite florist’s website.

Maxy looks at the colourful pictures of available arrangements and gasps. “Daddy, they’re so pretty!”

“Yeah, they are. You can pick your favourite, okay?”

Maxy looks closely at each one, but shakes his head. “More, Daddy?”

“Of course.” Daniel scrolls down and Maxy keeps shaking his head, until Daniel hits the red roses.

“Daddy, those ones!!”

“The roses?”

“Yeah!”

“Which ones? The bright red, or the dark red?”

“Bright red!” Maxy looks closer at the dark red flowers and frowns. “Daddy, why are those ones less colourful?”

Daniel laughs. “I think some people like that.”

Maxy shakes his head. “Maxy doesn’t.” Then he looks guilty. “But you’re still nice, flowers!”

“Just for someone else to appreciate more than you would, right, darling?”

Maxy grins at Daniel. “Yeah! App—what, Daddy?”

“A-ppre-ci-ate.” Daniel slowly sounds it out.

“A-ppre-ci-ate!” Maxy copies him. “More than Maxy!”

“Right!”

Daniel does a quick count of the yellow roses from adult Max and requests the same number of red roses. He doesn’t want Maxy to feel like his gift is smaller.

“Can Maxy order them?”

“Of course! You just need to tap here on the screen.” Daniel points and Maxy taps and the screen changes to Order Completed.

“Order completed, darling! Now they’re going to bring them to you.”

“To Maxy??” Maxy’s voice squeaks at the end, he’s so surprised.

“Yeah, darling, so you can give them to Daddy.”

Maxy claps his hands with glee, wiggling with happiness.

“Daddy needs to answer the door, but you can have the delivery as soon as it’s here.”

“Maxy could open the door?” Maxy asks with big pleading eyes.

“Let me check something, okay?”

“Okay!”

Daniel texts the building concierge to request that they leave the flowers at the door. He doesn’t want Maxy anywhere near the door when there are strangers there.

The concierge texts back a confirmation and Daniel looks at Maxy. “You can open the door, but only when I say so, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy!”

“Do you want to finish eating breakfast while we wait?”

“Yeah!”

He pushes his laptop to the side and puts their plates in front of them again. Daniel looks at Maxy and can see that he’s too excited to actually feed himself, but Daniel needs him to eat something for breakfast. “Darling, can Daddy help you eat? Then your hands won’t get sticky and you can pet the roses between bites.”

Maxy nods. “Yeah!”

Daniel spears a bite with his fork and feeds it to Maxy, then takes a bite for himself while Maxy is chewing. Maxy pets the roses while he chews, dutifully opening his mouth for Daniel to put another bite in whenever he’s done chewing. It works out much better than Maxy’s earlier tries.

They’re just about done eating when there’s a knock on the door.

“Daddy!” Maxy vaults off his chair and runs to the door. He doesn’t open it though, just looks over his shoulder at Daniel.

Daniel walks over to him. “Thank you so much for waiting, darling, just like I asked you to. Can you finish chewing your pancake, please?”

Maxy chews and swallows and then opens his mouth so Daniel can look inside. “All done, Daddy!”

“Well done!” Daniel thinks the delivery person is probably gone by now. “Daddy has to open the door first, and you have to stand where you can’t see out, okay? But after that, you can open it.”

“Okay!” Maxy takes 2 giant steps to the side, and Daniel is satisfied that no one in the hallway will be able to see him.

Daniel opens the door and confirms that there’s no one in the hallway and that there are roses on the ground, then closes the door again. “Okay, you can open it.”

Maxy comes to the door and very carefully twists the knob, then looks at Daniel. “Maxy opens it?”

“Yeah, darling, you can open it.”

Maxy pulls the door open and looks around. There’s a vase full of red roses on the ground outside the door. When Maxy sees them, he gasps. “Daddy, they’re so pretty!!”

“They are!”

Maxy turns to him. “Daddy, no looking! It’s a surprise!”

Daniel laughs. “Alright, darling. Do you want help carrying the surprise in, and then you can give me whatever it is?”

Maxy nods. “Yeah!”

“Help me lift it, okay?”

“Okay!”

Daniel lifts the vase and Maxy puts his hand on its side and together they carry it to the table. Daniel puts it down and steps back from the table, turning towards Maxy.

“Alright, darling, what’s the surprise?”

Maxy is so excited he’s practically vibrating. “Daddy, Maxy got you flowers!!”

“You did?” Daniel turns back to the table. “Oh, wow!! They’re beautiful! Thank you so much!"

Maxy leans against him and hangs onto his arm. “Daddy likes them?”

Daniel pulls him in for a hug. “I love them! Thank you.”

Maxy wiggles with glee. “Daddy loves them!”

Daniel smiles at how happy Maxy is, his feelings of inadequacy decreasing in the face of Maxy’s happiness. “I do. They’re so pretty. You chose really well.”

“Maxy did!”

“Yeah, you did. Thank you so much for getting them for me. I love them, and I love you.”

Maxy squeaks and squeezes Daniel tight.

He hugs Maxy back. “A big hug from my darling Maxy! I’m so lucky!”

Maxy wiggles in the hug, still squeaking from happiness. Daniel remembers the last time Maxy got this happy and decides to tone things down a bit. Happy tears are fine, but he’d rather avoid them.

“Maxy, can you come sit with Daddy?” He guides Maxy to a chair and sits down, pulling Maxy onto his lap. “Darling, can you smell the roses with me? Breathe in through your nose like this,” he takes a deep breath in through his nose, “and then let the roses breathe in our air.” He blows air slowly out through his mouth.

Maxy copies him and slowly relaxes against him. Daniel keeps leading him through the breathing until Maxy is calmer.

“Good job! You did such a good job smelling the roses! Can I get a kiss from you, sweetheart?”

Maxy nods. “Yeah!” He twists around so he can kiss Daniel on one cheek, then the other. Daniel kisses Maxy’s cheeks back and Maxy grins at him.

Daniel looks at the two vases of roses. “Do you think we should mix your roses with the yellow roses, or should they stay separate? I think they’ll look beautiful either way.”

Maxy tilts his head to look at the vase of red roses, then at the vase of yellow roses. Then he looks at Daniel. “Daddy, do roses get sad if they’re not all together?”

“I don't think so, darling. Do you not want to mix them?”

Maxy shakes his head.

“You do want to mix them?”

“Maxy wonders…maybe some roses can go in the living room and some go in the bedroom and some stay in the kitchen?”

“Of course they can! So we can look at them wherever we are?”

Maxy beams. “Yeah!”

“Should any go in the bathroom?”

Maxy giggles. “That’s stinky, Daddy! Roses don’t go where it’s stinky!”

Daniel laughs. “Of course not. Alright, some for the living room and bedroom. How many?”

Maxy looks down at his hands and carefully counts out his fingers, then holds up one hand and the thumb of his other hand and waves them around. “Five!”

“Darling, you’re holding up six,” Daniel says gently.

Maxy looks down at his hands and counts again. “One for Maxy, two for Daddy, one for Kanga, one for Roo, and one for Mousie!!” He looks at his hands and then up at Daniel. “That’s six, Daddy!”

Daniel laughs. “Yes, it is. Why two for Daddy?”

“Daddy is bigger than Maxy and Kanga and Roo and Mousie!”

Daniel laughs at that logic. “Yes, I am. Okay, six roses. Which colours?”

Maxy looks like he’s really thinking. “Red for Maxy and Kanga and Roo and Mousie, and red and yellow for Daddy!”

Daniel kisses Maxy's forehead. “That sounds perfect, darling. Can you help me find some glasses to put them in?” Daniel’s not sure he has any extra vases in his apartment, but he’s got some tall glasses that should work.

Maxy nods and Daniel helps him stand up. They find the tall glasses and Maxy carries one back to the table while Daniel carries the other one. Maxy very carefully copies Daniel when it’s time to put the glasses on the table, placing his so gently it barely makes a sound.

Daniel thinks about his hands and goes to find a pair of racing gloves. He doesn’t think they’ll protect him much from the thorns, but maybe they’ll stop the back of his hands from getting scratched.

When he gets back, he takes a closer look at the roses and is pleased to discover they have way fewer thorns than he was expecting. As long as he’s careful, he should be able to avoid them. It’s definitely not something Maxy can help with directly though.

“Darling, Daddy needs to move the roses by himself, okay? They’re prickly and they might hurt you.”

Maxy puts his hands behind his back. “No prickly, Daddy!”

“Good.” Daniel looks closer at Maxy. Putting his hands behind his back has put him off balance and Daniel doesn’t want him to fall. “Darling, can you sit on the chair so you can see what’s happening up close? It’s okay as long as you don’t touch the rose stems.”

“Okay, Daddy!” Maxy sits down and Daniel feels much better about his safety.

“Maxy, you can pick which roses go in each glass? But only pointing to the flowers, not the stems, okay?” He’s pretty sure Maxy understands that, but he wants to make sure. Besides not wanting Maxy to get hurt, he thinks the tentative equilibrium he’s achieved would vanish if Maxy got hurt while Daniel was supposed to be taking care of him.

“Because the stems are prickly!”

Daniel smiles. “That’s right! You’re so good at remembering!”

“Maxy is!”

“You are, darling. Can you show me which rose you want first?”

Maxy tries to see the roses, but he’s not tall enough when he’s sitting on the chair. “Daddy, can Maxy stand up?”

Daniel doesn’t want Maxy to be able to fall towards the roses when he’s this excited. “What if you kneel on the chair?”

Maxy looks surprised. “Maxy can?”

“Yes? Why wouldn’t you be able to?”

“‘Maxy, keep your butt on the chair! Bad Maxy!’” Maxy says, clearly repeating what he heard in the past. Daniel can’t ever remember saying the first part, and he’d never say the second part, so it must be from Max’s childhood.

Daniel bites back the anger that’s always simmering about Max’s childhood and leans down and hugs Maxy. “Good Maxy. Never bad Maxy, always good.”

Maxy hugs Daniel back. “Good Maxy?” he asks, a bit of hope in his voice.

“Yes. Good Maxy.”

“Good Maxy!” crows Maxy. He pulls away and looks at Daniel. “Good Maxy kneels on the chair?”

“Yes. But let’s put a pillow on the chair first so your knees don’t hurt, okay?”

“Okay!”

Daniel grabs a pillow from the couch and puts it on the chair, then rotates the chair so the back is against the table. He helps Maxy onto the chair and makes sure he’s balanced well.

“All good, darling?”

Maxy nods. “Yeah! Maxy can see all the flowers from here!” He looks around. “Daddy? Can Kanga and Roo and Mousie help Maxy pick?”

“Of course.” Daniel picks up Kanga and hands her to Maxy, with Roo and Mousie in her pouch like usual.

“Thank you, Daddy!” Maxy holds Kanga in front of him, balancing her on the back of the chair.

“You’re welcome! Can you all see from there?”

Maxy nods, grinning.

“Alright. Which roses do you want?”

Maxy takes Mousie out of Kanga’s pouch and uses him to point to the roses. Daniel extracts the chosen ones one at a time to Maxy’s enthusiastic delight and puts them into the glasses.

When he’s done, he looks at Maxy. “How’s that?”

Maxy looks at the glasses with their roses in them and smiles, but then frowns.

“Darling?”

Maxy looks up at Daniel. “They’re good, Daddy,” he says, but he doesn’t look anywhere near as happy as he did before.

Daniel takes one of the gloves off and cups Maxy’s face. Maxy closes his eyes and pushes his face into Daniel’s hand.

“Darling, do you remember what Daddy told you, that you can tell Daddy when you want something?”

Maxy keeps his eyes closed. “Maxy got what Maxy asked for.”

Daniel strokes Maxy’s cheek with his thumb. “You’re always allowed to change what you asked for, darling.”

Maxy opens his eyes. “Maxy can?”

Daniel leans in to kiss Maxy’s forehead. He’s told Maxy that in the past, but he’ll tell him as many times as it takes for him to believe it. “You always can, sweetheart. Can you tell Daddy what you want?”

Maxy looks at the roses again. “Maxy wants a yellow rose too!”

Daniel kisses Maxy’s forehead again. “Thank you for telling me. A red rose and a yellow rose for both of us.”

Maxy nods, but looks down at his animals.

Daniel has a pretty good idea what he’s thinking. “Do you think Kanga and Roo and Mousie should have yellow roses too?”

Maxy lights up. “Yeah!”

Daniel smiles. “I think they’ll love yellow roses. They’ll be just like Daddy and Maxy!”

Maxy grins and hugs Kanga to his chest. “Yeah!”

“Wonderful! Alright, which yellow ones do you want?”

Maxy happily points at the roses he wants and Daniel carefully extracts them and puts them in the glasses.

“All done! Can you make sure we have enough roses in each glass?”

Maxy tries to count on his fingers, but he’s holding Kanga. “Can Daddy hold Kanga and Roo and Mousie?”

“Of course.”

Maxy passes the animals to him, then counts on his fingers, touching each animal and then himself and Daniel as he counts. “One, two, three, four, five!” He holds up his hand. “We’re five, Daddy!”

“We are! Good job! Can you count the roses now and make sure there’s enough for us?”

Maxy nods and starts counting, lightly touching each rose as he does. “One, two, three, four, five! Five yellow roses! And one, two, three, four, five! Five red roses!” He holds up both hands with his fingers out, looking at each hand in amazement. “Daddy, that’s ten roses!”

“It is! You’re so good at counting!” Maxy beams. “Do you think you can count the other glass too?”

Maxy nods and counts the flowers in the other glass the same way. “Ten! That’s two tens!”

“Two tens is also twenty, darling.”

“Twenty!” He looks at Daniel. “Is that a big number?”

“It depends on what it is. Twenty years is almost the same as seven Maxys.” As soon as Daniel says it, he hides a wince, because he’s not sure how to explain multiplication to Maxy, but Maxy just looks amazed.

“Seven Maxys? That’s so many Maxys!”

“It is! But twenty roses can fit in two vases, and I bet you could hold them all in your hands if they weren’t prickly.”

Maxy nods. “Maxy could! So twenty is big and small?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

Maxy grins. “Maxy could hold two twenties of roses!”

“I bet you could!”

“But they’re prickly, Daddy, so Maxy won’t hold them,” Maxy reassures him.

Daniel laughs. “I’m glad to hear that, darling. No prickles for you.”

“No prickles for Maxy!”

“Right! Do you think you and Kanga and Roo and Mousie can show me where you want the roses to go?” Daniel would get Maxy to carry them, but the potential for disaster is something he wants to avoid.

Maxy nods excitedly. “Daddy helps Maxy down?”

Daniel pops Mousie back into Kanga’s pouch before he takes Maxy’s hand and helps him off the chair, handing him Kanga once he’s got both feet firmly on the ground.

He picks up the first glass of roses. “Alright, darling, where to?”

Maxy inspects the roses Daniel is holding carefully, then does the same to the ones still on the table. Daniel holds the ones he’s holding closer to the ones on the table, so Maxy can compare them.

Maxy holds Kanga, Roo, and Mousie up so they can see too, then points at the ones Daniel is holding. “These go in the bedroom!”

Maxy leads them into the bedroom and points to the bedside table on the side that Daniel usually sleeps on. “They go there!”

“Are you sure? Do you want them on your side so you can see them?”

Maxy shakes his head. “No, they’re Daddy’s!”

Daniel smiles at Maxy’s indignant response. “We can put them on your side, darling. I don’t mind.”

Maxy furrows his brow, thinking. He pulls Roo out of the pouch and puts him on top of Kanga in different positions, then nods decisively. “Daddy will sleep like this,” he holds out Kanga on her back, “and Maxy will sleep like this!” He holds Roo on an angle on top of Kanga. “Then Maxy can see them too!”

Daniel smiles. “That was some very good problem solving, darling.” He puts the roses on the bedside table. “How’s this?”

Maxy sticks his face next to the glass and looks at it from different angles. He stands up straight and grins at Daniel. “Good!”

“Lovely! Do you want to put the other glass in the living room now?”

Maxy nods and runs out of the room, then runs back in and takes Daniel’s hand, pulling him towards the kitchen. “Hurry, Daddy, hurry!”

Daniel lets himself be pulled by Maxy back into the kitchen. Maxy drops him beside the table to pick up the roses, almost bouncing while he waits for Daniel. Daniel’s not sure why Maxy is so excited, but he figures he’ll find out soon enough.

“Alright, darling, where do you want these?”

Maxy leads the way into the living room and points to the side table next to the couch. “There, Daddy!” Daniel puts them down and Maxy wraps his arms around himself with glee. “Yeah!”

Maxy is staring at him expectantly, like he’s waiting for Daniel to figure something out. And then it clicks: the roses are in the exact same spot the dirty cup was yesterday, the one that Max got rid of with a smile. And now Maxy is putting roses right on top of where it used to be.

He’s not sure what he’s feeling. Shame, definitely, at Maxy knowing about his mess. Daniel knew he did, but it’s different having evidence. But Maxy looks so happy, and Daniel wants Maxy to be happy.

Maxy’s smile flickers at Daniel’s lack of response, and Daniel can’t have that. He reaches out his hands and Maxy comes easily into his arms.

“Thank you, darling. That’s the perfect place for them.”

Maxy hugs him back, then pulls away from him and Daniel lets him go, but Maxy just takes his hand and leads him to the couch. He waits for Daniel to sit down and then snuggles up to him, resting his head on Daniel’s chest. They can both see the roses from where they’re sitting, just like Daniel saw the cup yesterday.

He’s pretty sure he’s right about the reason Maxy put the roses there, but he wants to hear his reasoning. Max tried to convince him that everything was okay, but he has to be a bit annoyed with Daniel for making him come over and clean up Daniel’s mess, and for making him deal with Daniel when he’s such a mess. He thinks Max would say he’s being self-destructive, and he knows he is, but he can’t help it. Maxy always says what he thinks, so he’ll tell Daniel what Max’s true feelings are. Daniel’s not sure how he’s going to handle Maxy saying something bad, but at least then he’ll know.

“Maxy, why did you want the roses to go on the table?”

“Because that’s where the bad cup was!”

Daniel laughs at the cup being called bad. “Wasn’t Daddy bad for not putting it away?”

Maxy sits up a bit so he can look Daniel in the eye. “Daddy’s not bad! Daddy felt bad, but that’s not the same as being bad!”

Daniel feels like the wind has been knocked out of him.

Maxy pats Daniel’s chest. “’Member when Maxy didn’t clean up and Daddy stepped on Maxy’s Duplo?” Maxy shivers and Daniel squeezes him gently.

Daniel does remember that. Turns out stepping on Duplo hurt less than stepping on Lego, but not by much, and Daniel couldn’t keep a loud “Fuck!” from escaping his mouth. Maxy had gone white and hid behind the couch, so quickly that Daniel knew it was a practiced reaction. Daniel had sat on the floor near him until his butt was numb, singing ‘Maxy is good’ until Maxy had finally crept towards him and curled up in his arms right there on the floor.

It was a while after that incident before Daniel could convince Maxy to leave his Duplo on the floor when he walked away, telling him that it’s Daddy’s responsibility to watch where he’s walking. But they finally got there, and now when Maxy leaves when he’s playing, he says, “Daddy, Maxy is leaving Duplos on the floor because Maxy can! Please watch where you’re walking!” and Daniel does.

“Daddy got hurt, but Daddy said Maxy was good!” Maxy sounds amazed. “If Maxy is good when Maxy doesn’t clean up, then Daddy must be good!” He pats Daniel’s chest gently. “Daddy’s mess didn’t hurt anybody but Daddy. That’s why Daddy’s hurt. But Daddy’s still good.”

Daniel doesn’t know what to say and he’s pretty sure he’ll cry if he opens his mouth. Maxy seems to sense that, because he curls up on Daniel’s chest again. “Silly Daddy,” Maxy says quietly as he snuggles in. “Daddy’s not bad.” He takes Daniel’s hand and holds it to his cheek. “Daddy’s never bad.”

Daniel strokes Maxy’s cheek and holds him close, trying to collect his thoughts. He’s pretty sure Max would be pissed at him for using Maxy’s truth-telling, but the answers Maxy gave were so much better than Daniel could ever have hoped for. Hearing Maxy’s reassurances have gone a long way to getting rid of the shame, and seeing the roses where the cup used to be makes him smile.

Daniel clears his throat to get rid of the lump. “You’re a pretty smart kid, aren’t you?”

Maxy nods. “Maxy is! Maxy learned from Daddy.” He pats Daniel's chest affectionately.

The lump in Daniel’s throat is back. He strokes Maxy’s cheek and Maxy closes his eyes and sighs like there’s nothing in the world that would make him more content.

“Maxy loves Daddy,” Maxy says, saying it like it’s the most basic fact he knows.

“Daddy loves Maxy.”

Maxy snuggles in a bit more. “Good night, roses.”

“Good night?”

“It’s nap time, Daddy,” Maxy explains like it’s obvious.

“Ah. Of course it is. Well, then, good night, roses. And good night, Maxy.”

“Good night, Daddy.”

They don’t usually have naps in the morning, but he thinks Maxy is making sure he gets enough sleep, just like Max did. Daniel shifts to get a bit more comfortable and closes his eyes. Maxy is asleep now, a warm calming weight on Daniel. Daniel can sleep, just for a bit.

~~~

Daniel wakes up to Maxy running to use the bathroom, apparently getting there just in time from his happy, “Maxy made it, Daddy!” yelled from the bathroom. He checks the clock and blinks — it’s way later than he was expecting. It’s past time for lunch.

Once Maxy is out of the bathroom, they order in noodles and vegetables. Daniel sets up the food as a little buffet when it arrives and lets Maxy choose what he wants. Maxy likes pea pods and broccoli most and loads his plate with them. Daniel makes sure to slip a few other vegetables onto Maxy’s plate, then puts all of Maxy’s discards on his own plate. He smiles. There are few things that make him feel quite so much like the dad of an actual three year old than that.

Maxy makes a broccoli forest at Daniel’s urging and fills it with noodles. Maxy explains that the noodle snakes are trying to eat the other vegetables and the broccoli trees, but that Maxy is faster than them, and also, “Maxy can eat the noodle snakes, Daddy!”

Daniel laughs. He’s never 100% sure what Maxy will be okay with. He would have thought eating something that Maxy gave a personality to would be a no-go, but Maxy cheerfully stabs a noodle snake and sticks it in his mouth. “Maxy got one!”

“Good job!”

Maxy grins, showing all his teeth and most of the noodle snake. He chews and swallows and then picks up his fork again. “Maxy will get them all!”

Daniel laughs and Maxy goes hunting again.

Once Maxy has triumphed over the noodle snakes, Daniel cuts up the broccoli forest and other vegetables and Maxy eats them while Daniel finishes his lunch.

Once they’re done eating and have cleaned up, Daniel turns to Maxy. “What do you want to do now, darling?”

Maxy thinks. “Daddy, can we play with Maxy’s animal map?”

“Of course!”

Maxy goes to his chest and brings out the animals. He goes to set up Kanga, Roo, and Mousie around him, then stops and hands them to Daniel. “Kanga and Mousie and Roo want to sit with you, Daddy.”

Daniel takes them, touched. “Thank you, darling. I’d like to sit with them too.”

“Daddy sits beside Maxy!” Maxy says, patting the floor beside him.

Daniel does so, moving so his back is against the couch. Maxy moves to sit beside him and rests his head on Daniel’s shoulder for a bit, then picks up his animals and starts to play.

Maxy’s been playing for a while (with occasional additions by Daniel, but Maxy is quite happy playing by himself as long as Daniel stays beside him) when he puts down the animals he’s holding and turns to face Daniel.

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Sometimes Maxy yells when Maxy is upset.”

“Yes?”

“Sometimes Daddy yells too?”

Daniel’s heart sinks. He’d hoped he hadn’t taught Maxy that he ever behaved like Jos or mean Daniel. But it’s his own fault; he shouldn’t have yelled at Max. “Sometimes, Maxy. But I’ll never yell at you.”

Maxy snuggles into Daniel’s side. “Maxy knows.”

Daniel’s heart clenches at the complete trust in Maxy’s voice. Maybe Daniel hasn’t taught Maxy that at all.

“When Maxy yells, Daddy’s hugs make Maxy feel better.” Maxy sounds like he’s trying to figure out a tricky problem.

“Yes?”

“But Daddy’s daddy isn’t here to hug him.”

“No, he’s not.” Daniel winces when he thinks about the unread messages and the calls he’s been ducking from his family, not wanting to hear their disappointment in his failure in F1. No, his daddy isn’t here to hug him.

“Maybe…Maxy could hug Daddy?” Maxy sounds like he’s expecting to be turned down, but is asking just in case he can help.

Daniel swallows around the sudden lump in his throat. “I think that would definitely help, Maxy.”

Maxy turns to face Daniel and hugs him. “Maxy makes Daddy feel better!”

“You do, darling.”

Maxy returns to playing with his animals, snuggling into Daniel and leaning up to kiss his cheek from time to time. Then he sits up suddenly.

“Daddy, can I see my race cars?”

Daniel doesn’t really want to do anything involving racing right now, but he’s not about to deny Maxy anything. He hands Maxy the box, expecting him to dump it out. But Maxy doesn’t and instead picks through the box, looking for something. When he finds what he’s looking for, he pulls it out and presents it to Daniel.

It’s the little #1 trophy.

"What's this for?"

"You're the best daddy and Maxy loves you."

Daniel blinks rapidly, trying to get rid of the tears.

“Daddy’s sad!” Maxy throws himself at Daniel and hugs him.

Daniel wraps his arms around Maxy. “You make me happier, Maxy.”

“Maxy will keep hugging Daddy,” Maxy says decisively.

“I would like that.”

Maxy stays hugging him for a while, then stands up, carefully keeping Daniel’s hand in his. Maxy leads him to the bedroom and lies down on the bed. “Nap time for Daddy too,” he says, pulling Daniel onto the bed. He carefully pokes at the bags under Daniel’s eyes. “Daddy looks like a blueberry!”

Daniel grabs Maxy and tickles him while he giggles, stopping long before any real objections arise. He lies down and pulls a still giggling Maxy into his arms, holding him while his giggles peter out.

“So, if Daddy is a blueberry, what’s Maxy?”

Maxy looks like he’s really thinking. Then he lights up. “A strawberry!”

Daniel wasn’t expecting that. “Why, darling?”

“Because Maxy wants to be a berry just like Daddy, because Daddy is the best.”

Maxy is going to make him cry again. “Why a strawberry?”

Maxy leans in like he’s telling Daniel a secret. “Maxy likes strawberries more than blueberries,” he whispers.

Daniel laughs. “So do I.” He hugs Maxy, who snuggles into his arms.

“Have a good sleep, Daddy. I love you.”

“You too, Maxy. I love you too.”

“Good night, roses!” Maxy says cheerfully. “Daddy, you say it too!”

“Good night, roses!”

“Good!” Maxy closes his eyes and is asleep within seconds. Daniel envies that ability.

Two naps is more than Maxy would usually have in a day, but Daniel is tired again, and he thinks Maxy knew that. The extra sleep won’t hurt Maxy either. Daniel closes his eyes and joins Maxy in slumber.

~~~

When Daniel wakes up, Maxy is sitting on the bed next to him, quietly colouring.

“Maxy?”

“Daddy!! You’re awake!”

“Hi, darling! Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Maxy is a big boy! And Daddy shouldn’t look like a blueberry.”

Daniel shakes his head, laughing. “But you knew you could wake me up, right?”

Maxy looks at Daniel like he’s being deliberately dense. “Yes, Daddy.”

“Really, Maxy?”

Maxy pats his arm. “Maxy knew. Maxy knew Daddy was right there if Maxy needed him. But Maxy was sooooo quiet and Daddy got to sleep more!” Maxy wraps his arms around himself and wiggles with glee. “Maxy stayed right beside Daddy, so Maxy was safe, and Daddy got to sleep!”

Daniel smiles. He’s just going to ignore the fact he’s quite sure the colouring materials weren’t in the bedroom when they went to sleep. Maxy is happy and safe and that’s all that matters.

“Thank you for letting me sleep, darling. I’m so pleased that you did it while staying safe. Thank you.”

Maxy beams. “Maxy did good?”

“Yeah, you did. Do you want a snack now?”

“Yeah!” Maxy abandons his drawing and bounces out of bed. Daniel follows, a bit more sedately.

~~~

When Daniel goes back into the bedroom to grab something, he sees the drawing Maxy was working on while Daniel was sleeping. He carries it out to Maxy.

“Maxy, what’s your drawing of?”

“It’s blueberry Daddy and strawberry Maxy!”

“Why is Daddy half blue and half red?”

“Because Daddy is changing from a blueberry to a strawberry,” Maxy says earnestly. “He just needs more naps and hugs from Maxy!”

“And then Daddy and Maxy will both be strawberries?”

“Yeah!”

Daniel’s heart clenches at Maxy’s complete belief that Daniel won’t be a blueberry forever, that it’s only temporary. “Can I put it on the fridge as a reminder to me?”

“Yeah!!”

Daniel sticks the drawing to the fridge and Maxy hugs him. “Don’t worry, Daddy. You’ll be a strawberry soon.”

Daniel stays hugging Maxy until he squirms. Daniel lets him go, hiding his surprised hurt that Maxy doesn’t want to hug him anymore, but Maxy takes his hand and leads him to the couch. Daniel sits down and Maxy curls up against him.

“There. Now Maxy can keep hugging Daddy,” Maxy says happily. He waves at the roses. “Hi, roses! Daddy, say hi too!”

“Hi, roses! You’re very pretty. Someone did a really good job choosing you.”

Maxy squirms in delight. “Daddy, that was Maxy!”

“It was, darling! You did such a good job.”

“Maxy did!” Then he frowns for a second in thought. “Adult Maxy did too!”

Daniel smiles. “Both of you did so well.”

Maxy grins. “We did!”

Maxy looks out the window and gasps. He points. “Daddy, look! A big boat!”

Daniel looks out the window and strokes Maxy’s hair while he happily chatters away about everything he sees outside. Maxy interrupts himself after a while.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Maxy loves you.”

“I love you too.”

Maxy grins, then looks out the window again. “Look, Daddy, a bird!”

Daniel looks as Maxy tells him to and holds him close, cherishing having his boy in his arms.

Chapter Text

Daniel wakes up with a jolt. He looks around frantically, trying to get his bearings.

He’s in his bed and it’s night time. It’s mostly dark, but the glow of the kangaroo nightlight provides a soft light. Max is sleeping beside him.

He closes his eyes, trying to relax and go back to sleep, but he can tell immediately that it’s no use. He’s starting to shake, even though the room is warm. He hates this feeling more than he can say, and he knows it’s only going to get worse. He really hoped that just having Max here would be enough, but apparently that’s not good enough for him.

Pathetic. He’s pathetic.

He opens his eyes and stares at Max, still sleeping peacefully beside him. For a second, he thinks about waking up him up, but—

He can’t do it. Max might still be little Max. And even if he isn’t, adult Max needs his sleep too. Daniel can’t wake up Max just because he’s weak. The least he can do is not make Max have to deal with him like this.

He knows what Max would say, that Daniel should wake him up, but he also knows that Max’s true feelings show on his face when he first wakes up. Daniel thinks about seeing disgust or irritation on Max’s face and flinches. He can’t face that tonight. Maybe later he’ll be stronger and able to face the truth, but right now he’s happier to cling to a lie.

Max shifts and Daniel freezes, but Max stays asleep.

Daniel has to leave. The shaking is getting worse. He can’t wake Max up — that’s not what Max signed up for. Daniel can’t abuse their friendship like that.

He gets out of the bed as quietly as he can and goes into the main space, which is lit by the ever-present glow of Monaco.

Usually when he feels like this, he runs until his limbs shake from exhaustion, not just from him freaking out. But he can’t leave now because he can’t leave Max alone, but he can’t stay in one spot either.

He needs to move when he feels like this, needs to do something.

He paces around the apartment, willing that to be enough for his tense muscles. The apartment is too small and his feet carry him from one side to the other too quickly. Every time he has to turn around he wants to scream.

He sees Maxy’s strawberry/blueberry drawing on the fridge and goes over to it. He wants to hold it, to touch a tangible piece of evidence that Maxy believes in him. Maybe that will calm him down.

He tries to take the drawing off the fridge carefully, but his hands are shaking too much and the corner rips. He yanks his hand away, but the damage is done. He hastily covers the rip with a magnet, like that will hide what he’s done.

The rip is still obvious. Just another thing he’s fucked up.

He stares at the drawing, not touching it this time. Maxy thinks he can be better. He just has to try harder.

He laughs humourlessly. He can start by not fucking up Maxy’s artwork. What kind of daddy is he, wrecking Maxy’s art.

He flees the kitchen and paces around the living room. He tries to breathe evenly, but it’s not working. His heartbeat pounds in his ears and nausea is creeping in. Maybe he could go for a short run, even inside the building, just to do something.

He heads for the door, then stops in his tracks. He can’t leave Maxy! He’s an awful daddy for even considering it.

He forces himself to walk back to the couch and sit down. He’s a fucking adult! He shouldn’t have to move around like a kid who can’t sit still.

He closes his eyes, but snaps them back open when it feels like the walls are closing in on him. He can hear his breathing, fast and panicked. He wraps his arms around his body, trying to ground himself, but that just makes him feel more trapped.

The nausea’s getting worse and he knows he has to do something soon, or Maxy’s gonna find him puking in the bathroom. Daniel can’t bear the thought of that.

He stumbles over to the door and even gets his shoes partly on — he’ll just go into the hallway; he won’t go far — when his phone buzzes on the table where he left it when they went to bed.

He only has notifications turned on for a few things, mostly related to Max. But Max is sleeping. His heart clenches. Is Maxy okay?

He almost knocks his phone onto the floor grabbing for it. He pulls down at the notification and — it’s a new email from Max, with the subject line Hi Daniel.

He drops his phone back onto the table, then nearly faceplants when he trips on a rug on his way to check the bedroom. Max is still sleeping peacefully, Kanga cuddled in his arms.

Daniel goes back to his phone, picks it up, and stares at it for a long minute. He’s not sure he wants to know what Max would send for him to read privately — he doesn’t think he can take any criticism right now. He puts down his phone again, but worry pricks at him. What if Max needs help?

He picks up his phone again and looks at the email notification. If it’s bad, he’ll just deal with it like a fucking adult. He flinches when he considers the worst case scenario — Max ending their relationship. But if it’s that, then at least he’ll be able to leave the apartment and run until he’s too exhausted to think of anything. (He won’t ever reach that point. He’s tried it over and over, but the thoughts always come.)

He almost laughs at his attempt at rationalizing. If it’s Max ending their relationship, he hopes he can make it out of the apartment before he breaks down.

He taps on the notification before he can throw his phone across the room and leave anyway.

Hi Daniel,

I couldn’t figure out where to put this note so you’d see it at the right time and not before. I didn’t think Maxy would be stealthy enough to put it somewhere (or that you’d let him out of your sight for long enough — you’re such a good daddy). If I did it right, you should be getting this at 1 am, hopefully before you wake up during the night, if you do.

So, if you’re reading this because you woke up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, please wake me up. You’re not weak for waking me up. You’re so strong.

Please wake me up. I want to give you a hug and I can’t do that if I’m sleeping. Even if I’m still Maxy, I can still hug you. Please?

Love Max/Maxy

Daniel sits down hard on the couch. Now he knows how Max must feel when he opens the bunny book and finds a note from Daniel right when he needs it. He rereads the message and gently touches the signature. It doesn’t change. Max’s words stay the same no matter how many times his eyes trace over them.

Before he can talk himself out of it, he stands up and goes into the bedroom. He thinks about the potential of seeing disgust in Max’s eyes, but he holds onto the message in the email as tightly as he can. Max wants to give him a hug. Max says he’s strong.

He sits down next to Max and gently shakes him.

“Wha—? Oh, Daniel, you woke me up!”

Daniel watches Max’s face carefully. There’s confusion at first, but then…just a big smile. Max looks delighted that Daniel woke him up.

“Your email said I should.”

Max’s smile doesn’t waver. “It did! I’m so proud of you. Thank you for waking me up.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He offers Daniel his hand and Daniel takes it. Daniel’s hand is still shaking, but Max holds it like he doesn’t notice. “Things always look worse at night when no one else is awake, don’t they?”

Daniel nods.

“But you did something nice for yourself and woke me up. Thank you! How can I help?”

“Maybe—your email said you’d like to give me a hug?”

“Of course. Do you want to lie down like the other night, with me holding you?”

Daniel nods. It felt so safe in Max’s arms. Daniel lies down and Max puts Kanga in his arms and then wraps his arms around Daniel, resting his hands on Daniel’s stomach. Daniel can feel his tight muscles unclenching.

“You hold Kanga and I’ll hold you, okay?”

“Okay.” Daniel hugs the stuffed kangaroo to himself.

“Things are tough right now, I know, but they’re going to get better. And I’ll be here for the tough parts, okay?"

“Okay.”

Daniel closes his eyes and tries to relax. Max’s arms are strong around him, Max’s chest firm against his back. It should be enough.

Daniel needs it to be enough.

It’s not.

He’s shaking again, or maybe still, tremors that he can’t help running through him. The memory of ripping Maxy’s drawing plays yet again in his brain. Max is going to be so disappointed that he can’t even take care of something precious like that.

“Sunshine?” Max’s voice is gentle.

The nickname loosens his tongue and he blurts out, “I ripped the strawberry/blueberry drawing. I’m sorry.”

Max is still for a second, then his hands start rubbing gentle circles on Daniel’s stomach. “Did you mean to?”

“No! I just wanted to take it off the fridge.”

“To put it out of sight?”

“No! To look at it! Maxy thinks I can do better, so I know I can. I just have to try harder. Fuck, not Maxy, little Max! I’m sorry!” Daniel can’t do anything right.

“Shhhh, it’s okay,” Max says. “It’s okay. Can you match your breathing to mine?”

Daniel laughs at Max being the one to ask that instead of the other way around, but even he can hear the hysteria in his laugh, so he tries to do as Max says.

Max quietly provides instructions to him, “Breathe in, out, in, out…” until Daniel feels his chest loosen and it feels like he can breathe again.

“I’m okay,” Daniel says. “Sorry.”

Max kisses the back of his neck. “Hey, none of that. Thank you for letting me help.”

“Okay,” Daniel whispers.

“So, you wanted to look at the drawing to remind yourself that Maxy knows you’ll be a strawberry again and while you were trying to take it off the fridge, it ripped?”

“Yeah.”

“That must have been very upsetting. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? I ripped little Max’s drawing!”

One of Max’s hands moves up to take Daniel’s hand. “Because your hands were shaking?”

Shame stops Daniel’s voice. He nods instead, glad that Max can’t see his face. He’s a fucking Formula 1 driver; he can’t have shaky hands. Well, he’s not a Formula 1 driver for that much longer. He laughs, but it quickly turns into a sob.

He tries to force down the tears, tries to make himself be quiet, but he can’t. He’s still shaking and it’s just reminding him how pathetic he is.

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out.

“Hey, no, it’s okay. I love you and I’m here for you. It’s okay.” Max’s arms tighten around him, but they’re comforting, not confining.

Daniel sobs again and Max keeps talking, telling Daniel how much he loves him. Daniel closes his eyes, trying to regain his composure, but the darkness is even worse than the kangaroo nightlight-lit room.

Daniel opens his eyes again and his stomach drops. There’s just a blank wall in front of him and he can’t see Max. What felt comforting a second ago now feels like he’s alone. He’s not expecting the feeling and he lets out a hurt sound before he can stop himself.

Max’s voice cuts off at the sound. “Daniel?”

Daniel shakes his head.

Max’s voice becomes pleading. “Sunshine, please let me help if I can?”

As usual, it’s the nickname that gets Daniel. He twists in Max’s arms until he’s facing him, then doesn’t know what to do. He’s still crying and now Max can see him. Shame twists his stomach and he hunches his shoulders, trying to hide.

“Please tell me what you want?” Max asks.

Daniel laughs hysterically, because he wants to run and hide, but even the thought of leaving Max makes him feel sick. He shrugs helplessly, not knowing how to answer or what would even make him feel better.

“Okay,” Max says calmly. “Can I try something?”

Daniel nods. Maybe Max can fix things. Daniel certainly can’t.

Max slowly pulls him closer, his hands gentle on Daniel’s back. Daniel expects Max to pull him all the way towards him and he’s not sure how not seeing Max is going to work with how adrift he’s feeling. But Max stops a few inches away and leans in and kisses Daniel’s forehead, then his cheeks.

Daniel closes his eyes, overwhelmed by Max’s tenderness, then laughs in surprise when Max presses a soft kiss to his eyelid. Daniel pulls back and opens his eyes and it feels like a reverse of the stomach-dropping feeling from earlier. Max is right there, looking at him with such warm eyes that Daniel closes his eyes and reopens them again, just to be struck once more by the feeling of comfort, of safety.

“Was that okay?” Max asks.

Daniel nods and Max smiles. Daniel gathers his courage and closes his eyes and tilts his head up, and is rewarded by Max’s laugh and then soft lips brushing over his other eyelid and then his nose, making Daniel smile. He opens his eyes and Max is still right there, still looking at Daniel like he’s precious.

Max slowly reaches out to stroke Daniel’s cheek. Daniel closes his eyes and tilts his face into it.

“Thank you,” Daniel whispers.

“Of course.” Gentle lips touch his forehead, then each of his eyelids. “Was it not being able to see me?”

Daniel would claim ignorance of what Max means, but the darkness feels safe again and Max’s hand is soft on his face. He nods.

“I thought that might be why. Your reaction reminded me of after my nightmare, when you were holding me and I couldn’t see your face.”

“Yeah. It felt—” he stops, trying to find the word.

“Cold?” Max asks quietly.

Daniel nods, just a tiny motion. “Yeah." He opens his eyes and Max is still right there, still looking back at him.

“It felt like I was alone,” Daniel whispers. He cringes at admitting weakness, but Max just brushes a gentle thumb over his cheek.

“Thank you for telling me, my sunshine.”

Daniel would like to say that the sound that comes out of him is more manly than a whimper, but he’s pretty sure he can’t.

“Daniel?” Max looks worried.

“Am I?”

“Are you what?”

“Your sunshine.”

Max smiles, his face lighting up with joy. “Yeah, you are.”

“Can you say it again?” Daniel whispers.

“You’re my sunshine. I love you, my sunshine.”

Daniel closes his eyes to stop the tears, but it doesn’t work.

Max is still for a second, then brushes his hand over the skin beside Daniel’s eye. “Are they good tears?” he asks softly.

Daniel nods and then almost sobs when Max gently kisses his eyelids again. What made him laugh earlier now feels so tender it hurts. He opens his eyes and Max is looking back at him with the same soft look on his face as before.

“My sunshine,” Max says, and his voice is so warm that Daniel wants to curl up inside it. He does the next best thing and curls into Max. Max waits until he finishes moving, then tightens his arms around him, holding him close.

“Sunshine, do you remember what Maxy actually said about the strawberry drawing?”

“That I could be better?”

Max strokes his back. “He said you were getting better, and all you needed was more sleep and hugs from Maxy. He didn’t say anything about you trying harder. You’re trying as hard as you can and Maxy knows it.” Max gently squeezes him. “I know it too.”

“It doesn’t feel like I am.”

“I know. But you are. And you’re getting better. You’re doing so much better than you were even a few days ago.”

Daniel laughs in disbelief. “I just sobbed in your arms.”

“You did. But crying is a positive way of releasing strong emotions, remember?”

Daniel laughs, but it’s watery. “I remember. You really think I’m getting better?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“I’ll be a strawberry soon?” He tries to make it a joke, but it comes out pleading.

“You will. We’ll be strawberries together.”

“Okay,” Daniel whispers.

He closes his eyes and tries to go back to sleep, safe in Max’s arms, but his earlier actions tug at him. Max thinks he’s good, but Max doesn’t know what he almost did.

“Max?”

“Yeah?”

“Your note said I was a good daddy because I never left little Max alone.”

“Yeah?”

“I almost left the apartment tonight.”

Max is silent, and Daniel cringes. He should have just stayed quiet. Max must hate him for even considering leaving Maxy alone.

“But you didn’t leave, did you?” Max asks, his voice even.

“What?” Daniel pulls back enough to meet Max’s eyes, but Max looks calm. That wasn’t what Daniel was expecting.

“You said ‘almost’. You stayed in the apartment, right?”

“I almost left! I can’t leave little Max by himself!”

“First of all, you didn’t. Second, I’m not little anymore.”

“I didn’t know that!”

“Okay. Would you have come back after you left?” Max asks.

“Of course! I just needed to get away for a bit.”

“Then Maxy would have waited for you, and you would have come back.”

Max is trying to make this sound so reasonable, but Daniel knows it’s not. “I’m not a good daddy if I just leave!”

“Would you have stayed in the neighbourhood?”

Max thinks he would have gone that far away? “I wouldn’t have left the building!”

“So you would have been where, in the hallway?”

Daniel nods.

“And you probably would have come back every few laps to check on me?”

Daniel thinks about what he would have done if he had left. He’d pace around the hallways…and then he’d check on Max to make sure he was still okay. The knot in his stomach tightens at the thought of not checking on Maxy.

“Yes.”

“So, Maxy would only have been alone for like ten minutes at a time?”

“You’re trying to make this okay! It’s not!” He pulls away from Max. “I can’t just leave Maxy alone! Fuck! Little Max. I’m sorry.” He winces, his stomach upset again now that he’s away from Max’s warmth. He shouldn’t have woken Max up, shouldn’t have wanted to leave Maxy, shouldn’t—

“Permission to touch you?” Max’s quiet voice interrupts his spiral.

“What?”

“Can I touch you?”

Daniel can’t tell Max no. He nods, not sure what to expect.

Max slowly reaches his hands forward and gently touches Daniel’s stomach. “Is this okay?”

Daniel nods again. Max’s hands are magic, taking away the nausea. He knows it’s not just the warmth; he’s tried heating pads before and they just make him too hot. It’s the warmth of Max’s hands, but mostly the care and love he can feel in them. Daniel closes his eyes and just breathes.

“We’ll fix this, my sunshine,” Max says quietly.

“Really?” Daniel hates the weakness in his voice, but Max sounds so sure.

“Yes. I promise.”

“Okay.” He focuses on the feeling of Max’s hands, warm against his skin. “How could you tell?” he asks, gesturing at Max’s hands.

“That your stomach was unhappy?”

He nods.

“I couldn’t. But that’s what happened last time you looked like that, so I thought maybe it was happening again.”

“Good guess,” Daniel says. “I’m sorry for freaking out. Again.”

“It wasn’t freaking out.”

Daniel laughs disbelievingly. “What would you call it?”

“Being upset about something that’s important to you.”

“I didn’t have to freak out.”

Max is silent for a bit, but his hands continue to rub in gentle circles on Daniel’s stomach.

“Would you say I freaked out after a nightmare?”

Daniel isn’t going to lie to Max. “No.”

“Why not?”

Daniel huffs. He knows what Max is going to say. “Because those aren’t nice words.”

Max slowly reaches up to touch Daniel’s face, rubbing his thumb over Daniel’s cheek.

“You deserve nice words too, my sunshine.”

Daniel was braced for a scolding, not Max’s support. He meets Max’s eyes, and Max is looking back the same way as before, like Daniel is precious.

“I don’t have to be upset at you though,” Daniel says.

“You mean, showing emotion to the one person you don’t have to be ‘happy, funny Daniel’ to?”

Daniel chokes on a half-laugh, half-sob. “Fuck, Max.”

“I love that you show emotion with me. I don’t want you to hide that you’re upset, or put on a mask when you’re around me. I want you to be you. And part of you being you is that you care so much about Maxy, and I love that. But sunshine, your needs are important too and we can figure something out that works for you too.”

“I’m important and my needs matter?” Daniel jokes, but Max doesn’t laugh, just looks at him with a soft smile.

“Yeah.”

Daniel doesn’t know what to say to that. He reaches up and touches Max’s hand where it’s still touching his face.

Max twists his hand so he’s holding Daniel’s. He starts to hum the same lullaby he hummed the last time he was trying to calm Daniel down and Daniel slowly relaxes. Max says they’ll fix this and Max hasn’t lied to him. Maybe they can fix it, even if Daniel can’t see how.

Max keeps humming and Daniel closes his eyes.

“Daniel?”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you want to stay like this, or do you think I could hold you again?”

Now that that’s on offer, Daniel wants nothing more than to be held, but Max has already given him so much.

Max squeezes his hand. “Please, sunshine? You’re shivering.”

The nickname sends warmth through Daniel, as does the care in Max’s voice. He hadn’t realized he was shivering, but now the cold shakes through his body. He takes a deep breath and rolls so his back is to Max.

He expects Max to wrap his arms around him, but Max huffs and pulls Daniel until he’s lying on his back. He tugs the blanket over them and wraps himself around Daniel, resting his hand on Daniel’s stomach.

Daniel makes a questioning noise.

Max leans up to kiss Daniel’s cheek. “You wouldn’t have been able to see me like that,” he says.

Daniel turns his face away to hide renewed tears at Max’s care for him.

There’s a pause, then Max asks again, “Are they good tears?”

Daniel nods, keeping his face turned away.

“Okay.” Max rests his head on Daniel’s shoulder and snuggles in closer. “I love you. Thank you for letting me hold you.”

Daniel half laughs, half sobs. “You’re thanking me?”

Max kisses the side of his neck. “Yes, I am. I love holding you. Thank you for letting me.”

Daniel doesn’t know what to say to that, but Max seems completely sincere. He reaches out his hand blindly and Max frees his hand from the blanket to take it, then gently guides their hands under the warmth of the blanket to rest on Daniel’s stomach again. Max gently strokes his thumb over the back of Daniel’s hand and Daniel breathes out on a long sigh and turns his head so he’s facing Max again.

“I love you too.”

Max’s smile lights up his face, and Daniel thinks he can say the other thing he’s thinking.

“And…I really like being held by you.” He can’t say love yet, but Max’s smile just gets wider.

“I’m glad, my sunshine. I really like holding you.”

Daniel closes his eyes and thinks he could fall back asleep, safe and warm in Max’s embrace, but the idea of leaving Maxy alone is still bothering him.

“You said we could fix it. How?”

Max leans up to kiss his cheek. “Okay, I just want to make sure I understand. When you’re feeling bad, getting out of the place you’re in helps?”

Daniel nods, then shakes his head. “But I can’t leave little Max!”

Max strokes his hand up Daniel’s chest and back to his stomach. “I know. I’m just making sure I understand.”

Daniel cringes. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you for telling me. I’m so proud of you.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I’d never lie about something like that. Thank you for trusting me.”

“You’re easy to trust.”

“So are you.”

Daniel takes a deep breath. If he says Max is easy to trust, he should prove that he actually believes it. “When I feel bad, moving helps.” He considers stopping there, but Max deserves more information. “Makes it feel less like the walls are closing in on me and I can’t breathe.”

“Thank you for telling me. Do you want to go for a walk now?”

It feels like he’s had cold water dumped on him. “I—sure.” He extracts himself from Max and sits up. “Yeah. I’ll go.” Max can go back to sleep and Daniel can walk. It will be better for everyone.

"What?”

“I’ll go. You can go back to sleep.”

He starts to get up, but Max catches his arm and stops him. “No!”

Daniel yanks his arm away before he can stop himself and Max swears and lets go.

“Fuck! I’m sorry. But—I meant with me! A walk with me! Not by yourself!”

“What?”

“I meant we could go for a walk. Together. If that helps you feel better.”

Daniel blinks at the word we. He knows his confusion is showing on his face. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I love you. If me being there helps, I want to be there.”

“But—a walk? It’s the middle of the night.”

“So? You wanted to go.”

“Yeah, I did. But—wouldn’t you rather be sleeping?”

Max shakes his head. “Not if you’re not sleeping too. I love you. If me being there helps, I want to be there, whether it’s to hold you, or talk with you, or go for a walk with you, or anything else you think might help.”

Max looks so earnest and Daniel wants to believe him so much. But—

“You shouldn’t have a bad night’s sleep just because I’m pathetic.” He spits the word, hearing it sink like a rock in the suddenly silent room. Max’s face goes still.

Daniel closes his eyes. So much for not making Max deal with his weakness.

“Oh, my sunshine.” Max’s voice is gentle, wrapping around the nickname like a hug. “You’re not pathetic.”

Daniel shrugs hopelessly. He’s starting to shake again. It’s not as bad as before, but he knows it will get there.

There’s a rustling noise and then the bed shifts beside him. Daniel opens his eyes and Max is sitting beside him, but not touching.

“Can I hold you?” Max asks.

“You’ll get cold,” Daniel protests, but it’s weak. He wants nothing more than for Max to hold him.

“I don’t care. Please let me hold you?”

Daniel gives in and nods, and then Max’s arms are around him. Daniel forces himself to stay upright, no matter how much he wants to curl into Max.

“I’m sorry you thought I meant you should go for a walk by yourself,” Max says. “I'd never mean that. I don’t want you to have to do any of this alone.”

“I can though.” He waits for Max to tell him he obviously can’t, given their current situation. But Max just nods.

“I know you can. But”—Max strokes his back, and Daniel leans into him a bit more—“it’s like me being Maxy by myself. I can, and I did for a long time. But I don’t have to anymore. I have you. Don’t you see that you have me too?”

Daniel gives in and curls into Max like he so desperately wants to. Max tips backwards for a second, clearly not expecting that, but then rallies and pulls him in closer. Daniel is shaking uncontrollably again. He’d like to say it’s from being cold, but his breathing is way too fast for that. Max doesn’t let go of him though, and his arms around Daniel feel like they’re holding him together.

“Sunshine? Do you want to stay like this, or would walking help? I’m going to stay with you either way.”

Daniel laughs shakily at Max preempting his freak-out about Max leaving, but Max is so calm that his question gets through.

“Like this,” he manages.

“Okay. Can I lay us down on the bed?”

Daniel nods. He wants Max to be warm.

Max lays them down with Daniel on his back and Max wrapped around him, with Max rubbing his hand in soothing circles on Daniel’s stomach.

Daniel tries to regain the peaceful feeling he had earlier in this exact same position, but his body isn’t going for it. He doesn’t feel the need to get up and move, so he thinks it might work after a while, but Max shouldn’t have to wait that long to go back to sleep, and Daniel’s shaking so much that there’s no way Max will be able to sleep if he stays touching him.

“This is stupid. You don’t have to deal with me like this.” He tries to ignore how much his voice is shaking.

Max doesn’t move an inch. “I told you, I don’t have to. I want to. Can I try something? If it doesn’t help, I’ll stop right away.”

Daniel doesn’t have any ideas and Max’s idea worked last time, so Daniel nods.

Max pulls away from him and Daniel whimpers without meaning to. He didn’t think Max would actually leave after what he just said.

Max leans in and kisses his cheek. “Sorry, sunshine. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Max moves so he’s more on top of Daniel, then slowly lowers his body so most of his weight is resting on Daniel.

“How’s this?”

Daniel’s not sure yet. “Wait?”

“Of course.”

Max is keeping enough weight off his chest that Daniel can breathe without effort. He’s tried weighted blankets before, but they never helped. But this is different. This feels like having a heated weighted blanket that loves him. Max’s breathing is slow and steady, such a counterpoint to Daniel’s still far too rapid and shaky breaths.

If someone had asked Daniel before this how he’d feel with someone lying on top of him, he probably would have said trapped. But Max’s heavy weight isn’t triggering any additional panic. Instead, Daniel feels…safe.

He knows Max will move if Daniel even hints at needing him to. But Daniel doesn’t want him to. With Max’s weight on him, Daniel can’t leave. He can’t run away. Max is showing that he wants Daniel to be here, with him, in a way that Daniel’s brain can’t ignore.

“Sunshine?”

“Stay?”

“Of course.”

He can feel his panic ebbing away in a way it never does. His breathing is slowing down and the shaking is getting better.

“Can you—more weight?”

“Alright, but you have to tell me if it’s uncomfortable at all, okay? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Okay.”

Max slowly lowers the rest of his weight onto him. Daniel waits for it to feel too heavy, for him to feel trapped or claustrophobic, but the feeling of safety just gets stronger. He can definitely feel Max’s weight when he breathes, but it feels like a constant reminder of Max’s presence.

“Sunshine?” Max asks.

“Stay?”

“I’m not hurting you in any way?”

“No.”

“Take more than a second to answer that, please.”

Daniel huffs a laugh. Of course Max wouldn’t let him get away with that. “Fine.” He checks in with his body and smiles ruefully. “My left thigh — you’re right on a nerve.”

Max shifts a bit. “Is that better?”

“Yeah.”

“Anywhere else?”

Daniel takes the time to check again, knowing Max will insist. “No, it’s good.”

“And you can breathe?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.” Max kisses his cheek, then drops his head onto the pillow. Daniel can feel Max’s breath on his cheek, slow and steady, a sign that Max is still there, still staying.

“You still think we can fix things?” he asks, wanting to make sure.

“Yeah, I do.”

Daniel is suddenly exhausted, all the adrenaline leaving his body at once. It’s all he can do to keep his eyes open. He thinks he should get Max to tell him right now what they can do to fix things, but it all seems less overwhelming with Max so present and solid above him. “Will you tell me how in the morning?”

“Of course.”

“Will you stay?” It slips out, a pleading question.

Max kisses his cheek. “Of course. I’m going to stay right here with you.”

Max’s answer is like a warm hug, blanketing his mind the same way he’s blanketing Daniel’s body. Daniel’s thoughts are starting to feel fuzzy with sleep, but that’s okay, because Max is there.

“You can sleep now, my sunshine,” Max says softly. “I’ve got you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Daniel closes his eyes. Max’s heavy weight and steady breathing follow him into the dark, chasing away the lingering ripples of panic.

“I love you,” Daniel whispers.

“I love you too, my sunshine. You can sleep now. I’m staying right here with you.”

Chapter Text

Daniel wakes up to Max petting his hair. He’s using Max’s chest as a pillow again.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning, sunshine. How are you feeling?”

Daniel assesses himself. He’s actually feeling pretty good. The sick, shaky feeling he usually has the morning after one of his attacks isn’t there, and he didn’t wake up straight into another attack like he has in the past, which is probably his least favourite way to wake up. He stretches, feeling his muscles tense and release, but without the residual pain he’s gotten used to.

“Good, I think.”

“I’m glad.”

Daniel gathers his courage and looks at Max, wondering if he’ll look different in daylight, if the disgust and irritation that Daniel was scared of yesterday will be there today.

Max is looking at him with a soft smile on his face. There’s not a trace of anything mean in his expression.

Daniel smiles back, and Max’s smile gets wider.

“You look like a cat,” Max says.

“Hmm?”

“You stretching. Like a big jungle cat.”

Daniel laughs and stretches again, then nudges his head into Max’s hand.

Max laughs and obliges, sinking his fingers into Daniel’s curls. “Just like a cat,” he says fondly. He scratches gently at Daniel’s scalp and Daniel makes a purring sound just to hear Max laugh again.

Daniel basks in the hair petting for a while, then takes a deep breath. “We should probably talk about last night.” He kind of wants to pretend it never happened and just sweep it under the rug, but he doesn’t think Max will go for that.

Max’s hand doesn’t stop its gentle movements. “Yeah, we should. Thank you for waking me up and letting me help. I’m so glad I could help you.”

No matter what Max said last night, that still wasn’t what Daniel was expecting. He’s quiet for long enough that Max asks, “Sunshine? Can you tell me one thing you’re thinking?”

Daniel says the first thing that comes to mind. “Why did you send that email?”

“Because of your notes in the bunny book,” Max says promptly. “Because I know how much it means to have encouragement to ask for help. Because I thought it might help you.”

“Why did you think I’d need it? I thought you said I was getting better.”

“You are getting better. But you can still want a hug, and I wanted to make sure you knew you could ask for one.”

“I thought it might be bad,” Daniel blurts out.

Max’s hand in his hair stops stroking for a second, then resumes. “Thank you for telling me, sunshine. Can you explain what you mean; you thought it might be bad?”

Daniel doesn’t want to give words to his idiocy, or put the idea in Max’s head, but now he has to say something, so it might as well be the truth. “Before I read your email. I thought maybe you were ending our relationship.”

Max’s hand catches in Daniel’s curls and yanks at his head.

“Ow!”

“Sorry!” Max rubs the spot that he pulled.

Daniel twists so he can see Max. “So…you weren’t thinking that?”

“No, I wasn’t thinking that. I never think that.”

“Never?” Max must have thought that sometimes, especially with how depressing Daniel has been lately.

Max shakes his head. “Never. I love you. I love our relationship. I never think about ending it.”

“Not even with how I’ve been acting lately?”

“You’ve been sad. You’re allowed to be sad. I still love you.”

“I haven’t been a very good daddy lately.”

“I think you’ve been a great daddy. I always think you’re a great daddy.”

“You’re a bit biased.”

Max laughs. “Maybe a bit. Doesn’t make me wrong though. You’re a great daddy, my sunshine. I think so and Maxy thinks so, so it must be true.”

Daniel laughs despite himself. “It must be, hey?”

Max nods, looking at him so fondly. “Yup. Must be. What part of the email could you see before you opened it?”

“What?”

“Could you see the subject line?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, next time I’ll write something like, ‘Not breaking up with you - I love you’ instead of just ‘Hi.’

“What?”

“I can’t make your middle of the night brain be less of an ass to you, but I can do whatever I can to let you know that I love you.”

“You’re going to send another email?”

“Of course.”

“But—you said I could wake you up again. You don’t have to keep sending emails.”

“I said you should wake me up before last night, but you almost didn’t before you got the email, right?”

Given that Daniel was halfway out the door when he got Max’s email, he can’t really disagree. “Maybe.”

“If I went and checked right now, would there be a new note in the bunny book?”

Daniel can guess where Max is going with this, but he’s not about to lie. “Yeah.” He wrote it even though he was feeling shitty. He never wants Max to need a note and not find one.

“And does it say some variation of ‘I love you; please ask me for help?’”

“Yeah.”

“So why wouldn’t I do the same thing for you?”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“I don’t have to; I want to. I love you. If my emails can help you even once, I’m going to send them.”

‘But—”

Max cuts him off. “Please let me do this? Please let me help?”

“I don’t want to bug you.”

“It’s not like it’s hard for me to write about how much I love you.”

Max’s sincerity catches Daniel’s breath, but he shakes his head. “Not that part. Me waking you up. You need your sleep.”

“So do you. I promise, I’ll sleep a lot worse if I’m thinking of you being awake and panicked and not waking me up.”

“You could just not think about it.”

Max laughs disbelievingly. “No, I couldn’t. Could you just not think about it if it was me?”

“No,” Daniel says grudgingly.

“Tell you what,” Max says. “If you promise to wake me up when you need help, I’ll promise I’ll wake you up when I need help, even on non-nightmare nights.”

Daniel’s brain snaps to attention and he stares at Max. “You have nights where you need help and you don’t wake me up?”

Max grins at him. “Not anymore, if you trade promises.”

Daniel laughs, outmaneuvered. “Fine. I promise to wake you up when I need help if you promise to wake me up when you need help.”

Max smiles. “Deal.”

“Why did you lie on me?” Daniel asks.

Max looks confused for a second at the sudden topic change, then his face smooths. “Last night?”

Daniel nods.

“I thought it might help you, and if it didn’t, I could stop doing it right away.”

“Oh.”

“Did it help?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad. Do you know why?”

“Why you’re glad?” Daniel jokes. He knows what Max is actually asking, but he’s not sure he wants to answer it.

Max doesn’t answer, but slowly moves his hand so it’s cupping Daniel’s cheek.

Daniel closes his eyes and tilts his face into the touch. “Sorry,” he whispers.

Max’s voice is gentle. “Hey, no apologizing. I like your jokes. But maybe the question is one you don’t want to answer? You of course don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Daniel can tell that Max is sincere, that Max would just let him drop it and wouldn’t bring it up again if that’s what Daniel decided. But Max’s hand stays soft against his cheek and Daniel thinks maybe he can answer truthfully.

“It felt safe,” he says quickly, before he can talk himself out of it. “Like I couldn’t leave and you were going to stay.”

Max’s thumb strokes over his cheek. “Feeling like you couldn’t leave was a good feeling?” There’s no judgement in his voice, just an honest question.

“I knew I could leave. You’d never stop me; I know that. Just—” The words get stuck in his throat and he has to clear his throat to keep talking. “You wanted me to stay.”

Max is quiet for a second, and when he answers, his voice is rough too. “Yeah, I did.” He strokes his thumb over Daniel’s cheek again. “Daniel?”

“Yeah?”

“It seems like lately—maybe you’re worrying about me leaving a lot?”

Daniel tenses. This is a conversation he didn’t want to have, and he’s walked right into it. But there’s no way out now but through. He takes a deep breath and nods, just a tiny movement.

“Oh, my sunshine. I’m not going to leave. I want you to stay. I always want you to stay.”

Max sounds so sincere that Daniel stops hiding and opens his eyes. Max is looking at him the same way he was last night, with the same love in his eyes.

“You do?” Daniel whispers.

“Yeah, I do. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve pretty much moved in. I want to spend more time with you, not less.”

“I thought you moving in was just for now, while I’m pathe—” he cuts off the word before he can finish it. “Sad.”

Max’s mouth quirks a small smile at his catch. “It can be for just right now, if you want, but I like spending time with you all the time. Falling asleep with you every night sounds pretty amazing to me, now and in the future.”

Just thinking about that brings tears to Daniel’s eyes. He wants to hide his face from Max, but he doesn’t want to dislodge Max’s hand on his cheek.

“Sunshine?” Max asks quietly.

“You want to stay moved in? Even after I’m better?”

“Yeah, I do. Do you not want that?”

“No, I do!”

“Okay.” Max has a slight frown on his face now. “Can you tell me what you were envisioning for the future before I said I wanted to stay moved in?”

Daniel looks away. “It’s stupid.”

“Not if it’s making you cry, it’s not.”

“Everything’s making me cry lately.”

Max strokes his cheek. “Please tell me? What did you think would happen after you’re feeling better?”

Daniel takes a deep breath and blows it out. “We’d go back to normal.”

Max clearly sees through his attempt at evasion because he asks, “And then?”

Daniel closes his eyes. “And then we’d spend less and less time together, and eventually we’d stop seeing each other at all. And you’d go on to win more championships and I’d just be a guy from your past you thought of fondly sometimes.” He laughs. “Or you’d get tired of me being pathetic before then and we’d stop even sooner.”

There’s a long pause and Daniel keeps his eyes firmly shut. He’s an idiot for saying anything and drawing Max’s attention to it.

“Oh, my sunshine. Your brain is really being a jerk to you, isn’t it?”

Daniel’s eyes snap open and he stares at Max. That’s not what he was expecting at all. Max is still looking at him the same way he did last night, except now his eyes are bright with tears.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be crying too!” Daniel reaches out his hand to see what Max will do, then brushes away a fallen tear when Max stays still. Max catches his hand as he pulls it away and brushes a kiss to the back of it.

“Can I tell you what I see when I think of our future?” Max asks.

“Okay,” Daniel whispers.

“We stay moved in together. We can keep our current apartments for appearances’ sake, or we can get a place together — I don’t care which. I just want to be with you. When we’re not in the same place, we call and text each other regularly. If we decide we don’t want to live in Monaco anymore, we figure out where we want to live and we move somewhere together. You keep being my sunshine and my daddy and I keep being your darling and your Maxy.”

Daniel’s chest aches with how much he wants the life that Max just described. But—

“Even if I’m not on the grid?”

“Yes.” Daniel can feel Max take a deep breath. “Hopefully when I’m not on the grid too?” For the first time, he sounds hesitant.

“Are you planning on retiring soon?”

“No. Just, I don’t want this to end when we’re both done with racing.”

“You want to plan that far into the future?”

“We don’t have to plan anything. I just want the default to be that we stay together, not that there’s any time limit on our relationship.”

“Isn’t this all moving a little fast? You only moved in a few days ago. How do you even know you’ll like living with me?”

Max squeezes his hand. “Hey, breathe with me?”

Fucking fuck, he’s freaking out again, isn’t he.

“Fuck! I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about. Just breathe with me, my sunshine. Breathe in, breathe out…”

Daniel does his best to follow Max’s instructions and eventually his breathing gets closer to normal. He drops his head back onto Max’s chest. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”

Max keeps holding his hand and brings his other hand up to stroke Daniel’s hair. “Still nothing to be sorry about.”

“That’s not the reaction you wanted.”

“I wanted whatever your actual reaction was. I don’t want you to hide.”

“Oh yeah, everyone likes their”—Daniel stumbles, looking for the right word—“person freaking out when they suggest moving in long-term.”

“You got a little overwhelmed. That’s okay. There’s a lot going on. We don’t have to make any decisions right now. I love you and I’m going to keep staying for now and that’s all that matters.”

The ‘for now’ hits Daniel like a gut punch and he whimpers and curls around Max’s hand, still clutched in his. He recognizes the stupidity of his reaction, that Max is just trying to tell him things he can handle right now, but apparently his brain is contrary as fuck.

“Sunshine?” Max asks, sounding worried. He runs his free hand over Daniel like he thinks Daniel might be hurt. “Can you tell me what just went wrong?”

“It’s so stupid.”

“Not if it’s hurting you. Please tell me?”

Daniel closes his eyes. “You said for now.”

“What?”

“You said you’d keep staying for now. But my reaction is so, so stupid because I literally just freaked out when you said you wanted to stay moved in, but my brain is fucking stupid—”

“For always.” Max’s voice interrupts his spiral. His hand rests on Daniel’s back, a soothing weight.

The sick feeling in Daniel’s stomach lessens a bit and he uncurls slightly. “What?”

“I’m going to keep staying for always,” Max says. “We’re not making any decisions or plans right now, and you don’t have to say anything in response. But me staying isn’t just for now, it’s for always.” He strokes Daniel’s back. “And you’re not stupid and your reaction isn’t stupid.”

Daniel laughs. Of course Max would include that last part. “It’s a bit stupid.”

“Nope. I couldn’t say I love you for a while, even though I love you so much. If that’s not stupid, then this isn’t stupid either. Brains are just annoying sometimes.”

Daniel laughs again, because that’s an understatement if he’s ever heard one. “They really are.” He uncurls the rest of the way and looks up at Max, wanting to see his face. Max meets his eyes and smiles, the same soft smile with no irritation in it at all.

“For always?” Daniel asks quietly.

Max’s smile gets wider. “Yeah. For always.”

“But we’re not making any plans or decisions right now, right?”

“Right. No plans or decisions.”

“Okay.” Daniel drops his head back on Max’s chest and Max starts petting his hair again. Daniel closes his eyes and listens to the strong beat of Max’s heart, steady under his ear.

“Max?”

“Yeah?”

“I like for always.”

He can hear the smile in Max’s voice. “Me too. And you’re my person too.”

Daniel laughs. “I couldn’t think of a better word.”

“I like it.”

Daniel squeezes Max’s hand. “I do too.” He takes a deep breath. “Max?”

“Yeah?”

“Last night you said you thought we could fix this. Do you still think that?”

“Of course I do.”

“How?” Daniel asks, his voice close to a whisper.

Max squeezes his hand back. “I have two things I think we should try.”

“Okay.”

“First, we can get a phone for Maxy so he can call you if this happens again and you feel like you need to leave for any amount of time, okay? We should probably do that anyway, in case there’s an emergency.”

“Can little Max use a phone?”

“Of course. We’ll get him one for kids with your number already in it and then practice. He’ll love it.”

“You really think that would work?”

“It absolutely will. And it will give me some peace of mind in case I ever wake up as Maxy and need to contact you.”

Daniel’s been avoiding thinking about Maxy being alone by himself ever, because there wasn’t anything he could do about it. But a phone sounds like a great idea. “I like that.”

“Good. We’ll do it then.”

“Okay, what’s your second idea?”

“I think we should get a camera so you can see me when I’m sleeping.”

Daniel twists to stare at Max. “What about your privacy?”

“I don’t have any secrets from you,” Max says evenly.

“Wouldn’t that make it easier for me to leave the apartment? Do you want me to leave?”

Max leans forward and presses a kiss to Daniel’s forehead. “I want you to wake me up. I want to hold you if that helps, lie on you if that helps, and go for walks with you in the middle of the night if that helps. But if you can’t make yourself wake me up, I want you to be able to leave and come back without beating yourself up over it. I don’t want you to panic more because of me.” He kisses Daniel’s nose, and Daniel smiles despite himself. “I can’t give you Mousie to encourage you to come back when I’m sleeping, but I can give you me and Mousie sleeping together and wishing you would join us.”

“You’d really be okay with being watched?”

“It’s no different than if you’re in the same room watching me sleep.”

“It’s not quite the same as that.”

Max quirks a smile. “Alright, not quite the same. I’m still okay with it. Would it make you feel better to be able to see me?”

Daniel hesitates, then nods. Yeah, that would make him feel better.

“Okay. We’ll order a camera and a phone today.”

“Max?”

“Yeah?”

“The camera and the phone and”—he gestures at the room with his free hand—“everything, that still doesn’t make me seem less daddy-like to you?”

“No. You’re still my daddy. You’re always my daddy, and you’re the best daddy. Daddies can need extra hugs too. That doesn’t make you not my daddy. Besides, cameras are so daddies can see that their kid is okay, right?”

“Yeah, but that’s for the kid’s safety.”

“Okay, so we’ll get a camera for Maxy’s safety. You can check it if you want to make sure he’s safe. And the phone will keep him safe too.”

Daniel laughs, but it turns into a sob. Of course Max would make it so it’s not just Daniel being needy. “So it’s good for little Max?”

Max reaches out and strokes his cheek. “Yeah. And sunshine, you waking me up last night was good for me too. Sooner or later, I’m going to wish I could wake you up for something and I’m going to remember that you’re strong when you wake me up, so I’m strong when I wake you up too.”

Daniel doesn’t know what to say, so he reaches up and touches Max’s hand where it’s resting on his cheek. Max pulls his hand away from Daniel’s cheek so he can curl his fingers around Daniel’s, then rests their joined hands on Daniel’s cheek again. Daniel closes his eyes, soaking in the feeling of being surrounded by Max.

Eventually he says, “I have a meeting with Red Bull the day after tomorrow.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” Max sounds genuinely happy.

“I do kind of want a break too though; I don’t want to be the reserve driver for all the races. I want to go to some non-racing places. Do you think they’d go for that?”

“Yeah, I think so. Just tell them what you’re thinking and they’ll figure it out.”

“And—would you go for that—me going to other places?” He laughs a bit bitterly. “A bit stupid to ask that right after you tell me you want me to stay, hey?”

Max squeezes his fingers. “I want to keep you; I don’t want to trap you. Of course you can go to other places. Where do you want to go?”

Daniel has to take a second at the words ‘keep you’. “I don’t know — maybe Australia for my birthday? You’d really be okay with that?”

“I’d really be okay with that. I will of course miss you, but we will call and text. You’re still my person, no matter where you are.”

Daniel swallows hard. “You’re my person too.” He laughs. “You know, when I put the first note in the bunny book, I wasn’t sure you would actually call.”

Daniel can feel Max tense. “Oh. Should I not have?”

“No, I wanted you to! Sorry, I could have phrased that better.”

Max relaxes again. Daniel kisses the back of Max’s hand. “I thought you might just read the note and smile, but not call. Before you started calling me, you let me help little Max, but not usually you. I hoped the notes would let you know that your calls were welcomed anytime, day or night.”

“They worked. All I wanted before I found the first note was for you to hold me, and then there was a note saying I could ask.”

“I’m so glad you did. I admit, when I left that first note, I wasn’t expecting to end up here.” He gestures between them.

Max laughs. “Yeah, I wasn’t expecting this when I called the first time either.” He squeezes Daniel’s hand. “I don’t think I could have imagined how good this could be,” he says softly.

Daniel squeezes his hand back. “Me neither,” he says, his voice catching.

Max squeezes his hand again and Daniel closes his eyes. Max pets his hair until Daniel’s stomach growls.

“Oh, I guess I’m hungry,” Daniel says with surprise. It’s not a familiar feeling anymore.

“Time for breakfast,” Max says, and Daniel can hear the smile in his voice. But Max stays still and keeps petting Daniel’s hair until Daniel squeezes his hand in silent thanks and sits up.

“Alright, breakfast time!”

Chapter Text

Daniel goes to use the bathroom, splashing water on his face when he’s done. He hasn’t looked at himself in the mirror in a while, not wanting to see if he looked as bad as he felt, but now he meets his eyes. He looks better than he did the last time he looked, although he’s shocked to see how skinny his face is. No wonder Max keeps bringing him food, but he’s been doing it in such an unassuming way that it makes Daniel feel taken care of instead of raising his hackles.

Thinking of food makes him remember his hunger, so he heads out to the kitchen, where Max has the makings for scrambled eggs ready to go. Daniel walks towards Max with a smile, until he sees the ripped blueberry/strawberry drawing on the fridge and feels his good mood slide away.

“Daddy?”

Daniel’s head snaps towards Max. “Maxy?”

Maxy reaches out and touches the drawing, then spins and trots off to the living room. Daniel makes sure the stove is off and follows.

Maxy opens his chest and rummages through it, pulling out his box of stickers. Daniel adds new stickers to them regularly, so there’s a large assortment. Maxy looks through them, putting one page after another to the side, until he grins, pulls out a sheet, and heads back to the kitchen.

Daniel follows him back and feels a tug on his heart when he sees the sheet — it’s covered in fruit stickers.

“Daddy, can you take Maxy’s drawing off the fridge?”

Daniel does, being careful not to rip it further. The knot in his stomach tightens when he looks at the rip marring Maxy’s work.

Maxy sits down and pats the table in front of him, so Daniel puts the drawing there and sits down in the chair next to Maxy. Maxy holds the edges of the rip together, then picks up the sticker sheet and peels off a strawberry sticker. He looks at the sticker in his hand, at the ripped drawing, and then at Daniel.

“Daddy, help?”

Daniel holds the sides of the rip in place and Maxy very carefully puts the sticker down on the rip, taping the sides together.

He looks at Daniel when he’s done, a huge grin on his face. “Done!” He looks back at the drawing and frowns, then looks back at his sticker sheet. His face lights up when he finds more strawberry stickers, which he peels off and places around drawing-Daniel’s head.

When he’s done, he holds the last strawberry sticker and looks at the drawing, then up at Daniel. “Daddy, where is your heart?”

Daniel has to swallow hard to force down the lump in his throat. He pats the left side of his chest and then the drawing. “Right here, darling.”

Maxy nods, then very carefully places the strawberry over drawing-Daniel’s heart. His tongue sticks out of the side of his mouth as he concentrates.

He looks up and beams at Daniel. “All done!”

Daniel blinks rapidly to stop himself from crying, and has to clear his throat before he can talk. “Thank you, sweetheart. That was a really nice thing for you to do.”

“Maxy did good?”

“You did. You did so good. I’m very sorry for ripping your drawing.”

Maxy shakes his head. “Maxy’s not sorry.”

Daniel doesn’t think that’s quite what Maxy means. “You’re not upset?”

Maxy shakes his head again. “Maxy’s not upset!” He reaches out and touches the drawing. “Daddy wanted to hold Maxy’s drawing when Daddy was sad.”

“Yes, I did. Is that okay?”

Maxy nods. “Maxy helped Daddy!”

“You did, darling.”

“But then Daddy was more sad because Maxy’s drawing got ripped.”

Daniel thinks that’s a pretty forgiving way to describe what actually happened.

“I’m sorry for ripping it, darling.”

“Maxy isn’t sorry! Maxy made it better! Daddy shouldn’t feel bad!”

“It’s not very nice of me to rip your drawing though, is it? You can be mad about that.” He doesn’t want Maxy to have to pretend to be okay just to avoid hurting Daniel’s feelings.

“No! Maxy isn’t mad! Daddy didn’t mean to, did you, Daddy?”

Maxy looks at him with huge eyes and Daniel can’t lie. “No, I didn’t.”

Maxy nods and pats Daniel’s hand. “It was an accident! Accidents are accidents, Daddy! Maxy makes them too! But Daddy never gets mad at Maxy. Daddy says, ‘Maxy, can I hug you?’ and Maxy says ‘Yes!’” He pats Daniel’s hand again. “Daddy, can I hug you?”

Daniel laughs, because it’s either that or actually cry. “Yes, darling. I would like that.”

Maxy gets up from his chair and sits on Daniel’s lap. He wraps his arms around him and rests his head on Daniel’s shoulder. “Maxy loves you, Daddy.”

The lump in Daniel’s throat is back and he’s pretty sure his voice will crack if he speaks. He strokes Maxy’s back and has to blink rapidly again to force back tears when Maxy sighs like he’s completely content with the world, just from being in Daniel’s arms.

Daniel keeps stroking Maxy’s back for a few minutes before Maxy shifts a bit.

“Hi, Daniel.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Daniel says. He manages to get it out without his voice cracking.

Max pulls back so he can see Daniel’s face. “Would you have believed me if I said it was okay?”

Daniel knows he looks sheepish. “Probably not.”

“Do you believe Maxy?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’m glad I did it.”

“You didn’t have to though.”

“I know. I wanted to.” Max kisses his cheek. “Do you want to make breakfast with me now?”

Daniel laughs softly. “Yeah.”

~~~

When they’re finished eating, Max is quiet for a bit, tapping his finger on the table like he does when he’s thinking.

“Max?”

“This is going to hurt you, but I think we need to talk about it. You did the thing again where you tried to get Maxy to hurt you.”

Daniel feels like he’s been punched. He cringes away from Max, his whole body curling up in shame. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“I’m not.”

“What?”

“If you can believe Maxy when you can’t believe me, then I’m not sorry. I wish you could believe me, but I understand why you can’t.”

Daniel would protest, but he literally said earlier he sometimes believes Maxy over Max. “I’m sorry.”

Max shifts, and for a second Daniel thinks he’s going to get up and leave. He forces himself not to grab Max to keep him where he is. Max can leave if he wants to.

But instead of leaving, Max reaches out and rests his hand on Daniel’s arm. “I’d really like to hold you, if you’re okay with that.”

“Oh.” They haven’t really done that intentionally yet, except for when Daniel was panicking. But this isn’t Max holding Daniel because he can’t stop shaking or because they woke up that way, this is him doing it because…Daniel’s actually not sure. But Daniel thinks he’s okay with it. Probably. “Okay.”

Max stands up and offers Daniel his hand. Daniel takes it, and Max pulls him up, then keeps holding on as he leads Daniel to the couch, where he sits down in the corner where Daniel usually sits and gently pulls Daniel down beside him.

Max tugs Daniel towards him once he’s sitting and Daniel’s acceptance vanishes, shame bubbling over. He pulls back just a bit and Max stops pulling instantly.

“Sunshine?”

The nickname loosens Daniel’s throat. “I’m sorry.”

Max’s voice stays gentle. “Do you not want to be held, or do you just need a bit?”

Daniel wants to be held so badly he aches, but he just can’t. Not in broad daylight, away from the quiet bubble of the kangaroo night light lit room. “The second one,” he whispers.

“Okay,” Max says. “Whenever you’re ready, I’d really like to hold you, but there’s no rush, my sunshine.”

Hot tears sting Daniel’s eyes at Max’s reply. Max strokes his thumb over the back of Daniel’s hand, and Daniel tries to focus on just that feeling.

“Do you want me to talk?” Max asks, his voice still so gentle.

Daniel nods.

“Okay.” Max’s thumb continues to stroke over the back of his hand. “I love you and so does Maxy. Maxy’s not going to hurt you. There’s nothing you can ask him that will get him to say something mean about you.”

“What if he thinks something mean about me? Will he tell me?”

“I don’t know.”

Daniel’s heart sinks. Max must notice his reaction though, because he quickly clarifies.

“I don’t know because he’s never thought anything mean about you.”

“Never?” He looks at Max.

Max shakes his head. “Never. He thinks you’re the best person in the world.”

“Even when I’m…upset?” He wants to say freaking out, but Max wouldn’t like that.

Max smiles. “Thank you for being nice to yourself. Yes, even when you’re upset. In Maxy’s world, if you’re struggling, it just means you need more hugs from Maxy. He never thinks anything mean about you. He thinks you’re amazing.”

“What about in Max’s world?” Daniel gets the question out before he can overthink it.

Max’s smile gets softer and he reaches out his free hand to stroke Daniel’s cheek. “I think you’re amazing too.”

Max’s smile gives him the courage to ask the question that’s gnawing at him. “Do you think mean things about me?”

Max shakes his head. “No. Never.” He strokes Daniel’s cheek again. “I do wish you’d stop thinking I’m secretly mad at you, but that’s just because I think it would make you happier.”

“I don’t see why you’re not. I’m mad at me.”

“I know. But I’m not, and neither is Maxy. We love you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Daniel meets Max’s eyes. Max looks so incredibly…fond. The vase of roses behind Max catches his eye, cheerful red and yellow, a physical representation of Max and little Max’s love for him.

Daniel reaches out and gently pushes Max’s chest. Max looks confused for a second, then his smile widens and he leans back into the corner of the couch.

Daniel shifts forward and tentatively rests his head on Max’s chest. He tenses when Max’s hand comes down on his back, but Max’s hand is soft. Max strokes gently over his back and Daniel takes a deep breath and lets the rest of his weight rest on Max. He waits for the wave of self-loathing to hit from being in that position, but all he feels is safe. Tears come to his eyes again, but this time they’re tears of relief.

“My sunshine,” Max says, and the love in his voice makes Daniel’s tears overflow. “Do you want me to keep talking?”

Daniel nods.

“Alright. I love you, my sunshine. I never think anything mean about you. Thank you for letting me hold you, and thank you for being willing to cry in front of me. I love all parts of you, even when you’re upset and hurting. You’re my sunshine, my beloved Daniel, and my amazing daddy, and I love you.”

Max is so strong and sturdy under him, but his hands are so gentle on Daniel, like Daniel deserves to be treated like he’s precious. Daniel doesn’t even try to stop the tears, just lets himself cry into Max’s shirt. Max continues to talk, words of affirmation and support that Daniel can’t hide from, even if he wanted to.

He finally stops crying, and lies there like a limp dishrag. He feels wrung out, but in a good way.

“Whoo,” he says with a half-laugh. “Wasn’t expecting that.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Better. I’ll be right back.” He pushes off Max and gets up. He grabs a tissue and blows his nose, then goes to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water. He starts to drink, then thinks about what Max would want him to do and dumps out the water. He pours himself a glass of juice instead and drinks the whole thing.

When he gets back to the living room, Max is just sitting down again, wearing a different (and dry) shirt.

“Didn’t want Daniel snot on you?”

Max laughs. “No. I just thought you might let me hold you again, and you’d want a dry pillow.”

Let Max hold him again, like Daniel is the one doing Max a favour.

Max looks so hopeful that Daniel shoves aside any embarrassment he’s feeling and goes to Max. He sits on the couch and curls up against Max, wiggling until he’s comfortable. Max waits until he’s settled, then puts one hand on his back and the other in his hair.

“Is this okay?” Max asks. Daniel takes a second to check how he’s feeling, then nods.

“Good.” Max lightly scratches at Daniel’s scalp and Daniel closes his eyes and lets himself relax fully onto Max again.

“Is this different than me holding you in the past?” Max asks.

“Apparently.”

“Do you know why?”

“It’s brighter.” It’s an inane answer, but Max hums like it made sense.

“More like you’re making a choice?”

Daniel nods, his throat tight. Max hit the nail right on the head. It feels like there’s a band around his chest while he waits for Max’s reply. He knows that Max probably won’t hurt him, but his brain still throws out worst case scenarios. Maybe Max will laugh at him. Maybe he won’t want to hold him anymore. Maybe—

“I’m glad you chose me,” Max says, stopping Daniel’s spiral. The band around his chest releases, letting him breathe easily again.

“I was thinking, maybe I could call my parents today.” He’s been thinking about them ever since Maxy asked about his dad hugging him. He wasn’t going to bring it up, but it feels like Max has cut through some of the tangles in his brain, making it possible for him to talk about the stuff he’s been so desperately shoving away.

“That sounds like a nice plan,” Max says, his voice very even.

“If they even pick up the phone,” Daniel mutters. He’s not sure if he wants Max to have heard that or not.

“Hey,” Max says, and slowly moves his hand until he’s stroking Daniel’s cheek.

Daniel sighs and closes his eyes. “I’m being stupid, aren’t I?”

Max squeezes him. “You’re never stupid. But I promise you, your parents do want to hear from you.”

Daniel keeps his eyes closed. “Even though I haven’t talked to them in over a month?” He hadn’t meant to go that long, but the days kept passing and the news didn’t get any better, and before he knew it, it had been weeks. He doesn’t remember the last time he went that long without talking to them and it hurts, but he thinks their disappointment would hurt even more.

“Especially if you haven’t talked to them in a while. They’ll be so happy that you called.” Max sounds so confident that Daniel can’t help feeling more confident too.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. They love you and they want to hear from you.”

Daniel takes a deep breath and forces himself to say what he’s thinking. “Even though I’m giving up on my F1 career?”

Max squeezes him firmly enough to ground him, but not hard enough to hurt. “You’re not giving up your career, but even if you were, your parents love you and want to hear from you. They love you, not your career.”

Daniel thought he was done crying, but the absolute certainty in Max’s voice makes tears well up again.

“Maybe I should wait until tomorrow to call them,” Daniel says, once he can talk without his voice breaking.

“Why?”

“Maybe then I’ll be able to get through a whole conversation without crying.” He tries to say it with a laugh, but from the way Max squeezes him, he wasn’t successful.

“You of course can wait if you want to. But your parents won’t care if you’re crying. They just want to hear from you.”

“How do you know that?” Daniel tilts his head to look at Max, wanting to see his face when he answers.

Max lifts his head so he can kiss Daniel’s forehead, his cheeks, and then with a quirked smile, his nose. Daniel can’t help but smile back.

“Because I don’t care if you’re crying. I just want to be here for you. And they love you too, so they’ll think the same thing.”

Daniel can feel his composure wobbling, but Max continues.

“Besides, if you call them tomorrow, you’re probably going to cry then too.”

Daniel laughs in surprise and lightly shoves Max. “Hey!”

Max is laughing. “I said probably! Not for sure! You might not!”

Daniel shakes his head, smiling. “No, you’re right. Might as well get the crying over with. Okay, when should I call?”

“Now?”

“Oh.” Daniel was thinking later, but just doing it is probably best. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Okay, let’s phone now.”

“Do you want me to stay here while you phone?” Max asks.

Oh. Daniel had just assumed that Max would stay with him, but of course Max has other stuff to do.

He sits up, making it easy for Max to leave. “You can go. I don’t want to use up your whole day.” He tries to keep his voice light and easy.

Max sits up as well and takes his hands. “Daniel. It is not using up my day to spend it with you. I love you. I love spending time with you. I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to. But I can leave the room for the call if you want privacy, or I can stay. Whichever one you want.”

Daniel looks down at Max’s hands holding his and has to take several deep breaths to get his emotions under control. “Stay?”

“Of course. Where do you want me to be?”

Daniel must look confused, because Max continues. “Like this? Do you want me to keep holding you? Do you want to not be touched at all?”

“Oh.” Daniel thinks about how each one would feel on the phone with his parents. “Like this?”

“Alright.”

Max doesn’t sound upset, but Daniel doesn’t want to snub his offer. “I like you holding me. I just—I don’t know how I’d handle it while calling my parents.”

Max squeezes his hands. “I’m happy to sit like this. I’m here for you, however helps you best. And I can hold you again whenever you want, whether or not I hold you for this call.”

Daniel squeezes Max’s hands back. “Thanks.” It seems inadequate, but Max leans in and kisses his cheek.

“You’ve got this, sunshine.”

Daniel takes a deep breath. Yeah, he can do this. He takes another deep breath, then dials and holds the phone up to his ear.

The phone rings once, then twice, and he can’t help tensing. He knows his parents love him, but what if they think he’s a failure? He does, so he can understand why they would think that too, but the thought of hearing it makes him want to hide.

Max squeezes his hand and leans against him, pulling Daniel’s attention back to the room. He squeezes Max’s hand in return.

“Daniel?” The voice at the other end makes him jump in surprise. Max runs his thumb over the back of Daniel’s hand and Daniel tries to relax.

“Mum?”

“Daniel!” His mum sounds so happy that Daniel feels some of the tension leave his body. He then has to yank the phone away from his ear when his mum yells, “It’s Daniel!” right into the phone, presumably to summon his dad. Daniel smiles. He forgot she does that when she’s excited.

“She forgets to pull the phone away from her mouth,” he says, and Max laughs.

“I heard.”

Daniel laughs too, and the room feels a little lighter. He puts the phone back to his ear and waits for his mum and dad to come back.

“Daniel?” It’s his mum again.

“Hi.”

“Daniel Joseph Ricciardo, you scared us!”

He thinks guiltily of the missed calls and the family group chat he hasn’t opened in far too long. “I know. I’m sorry. I just…”

Daniel had kept them up to date until it all became too much and he started avoiding everyone, so they have some idea what’s going on. His mum’s voice softens. “You know we love you, right? Whether you’re in F1 or not. We’ll always be here for you.”

Daniel laughs, because it’s either that or cry. “That’s what Max said you’d say.”

“Max? Max Verstappen?”

Oops. He’s mentioned Max before, but his parents don’t know how close they are.

“How many other Maxes do I know?”

Max laughs silently beside him and squeezes his hand.

Daniel can hear his parents whispering to each other, but he can’t make out words. He wishes he could see them. Max strokes his thumb over Daniel’s hand while he waits and Daniel tries to relax.

His mum’s voice comes back. “He’s a smart boy. You should listen to him.” She hesitates and he can almost see the mimed conversation she and his dad are having. Apparently his mum wins, because she asks, “Is there something you want to tell us about your relationship, honey?”

Well, that answers the question of whether or not they remember him coming out as bisexual to them when he was younger.

“Mum!” His mum knows him too well and waits him out. “It’s not like that,” he mutters.

“Not like what? What is it like?”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

His mum takes the hint. “Is he there?”

“Yes.”

Her voice softens. “Is he the reason you finally called?”

Daniel hesitates, but there’s no way he’d be having this conversation if Max hadn’t helped him like he did. “Yeah.”

“Then I’m glad you have him. He’s good for you. Thank him for us, okay?”

“Okay.”

There’s another beat of silence and then his dad’s voice comes over the line. “We’re glad you have him, and he’s always welcome to come home with you, if you ever want to bring him.”

Daniel wasn’t expecting that. He looks at Max, who’s sitting beside him like he has nowhere better to be. “Okay. Yeah, maybe we’ll do that. I’ll talk to him.”

“Good. We’d love to meet him.”

“You’ve met him before!”

“Not as your…friend.” His mum leaves enough of a space to drive a truck through. She clearly didn’t believe a word he said about them not being together.

Daniel starts to object, but Max squeezes his hand and turns to Daniel. It’s okay, he mouths.

Daniel smiles ruefully and squeezes back. “I’ll ask him, okay?”

“Okay. How’s Max doing?”

“You’ve seen the races.”

He can almost hear her eye roll. “Not as a driver. As a person.”

“Oh.” Daniel looks at Max, who smiles at him and nudges him supportively. “He’s good.”

“And how are you guys doing? As…friends.”

There’s that truck-wide space again. His mum’s always been pretty perceptive. And she’s not completely wrong; even if they’re not in a romantic relationship, they’re definitely not just friends.

“We’re doing really good.”

“We’re glad,” his dad says. His voice gets gentler. “Daniel, how are you?”

They’re at the part of the call he’s been dreading. “I’m getting better, I think.” He hesitates, but they’re his parents — he has to tell them. “I’m meeting with Red Bull in two days to discuss rejoining the team.” He needs to rip the band-aid off and also not get their hopes up too much. “Probably just as a reserve driver to start, but it’s something, right?” Reserve driver, because he couldn’t hack it as a driver with an actual seat on the grid.

Max must notice something about his reaction, because he shifts closer to Daniel, pressing against Daniel’s side. He squeezes Daniel’s hand like a question and Daniel squeezes back.

“It’s definitely something,” his dad says. “Good to get away from McLaren.” He says McLaren like it leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

He hasn’t said what he thinks about Daniel being off the grid though, and Daniel has to know. “I thought…maybe some time off would be good for me?” He braces himself for comments about giving up and being a failure, all the things that have been running on repeat through his mind for weeks.

“Yeah, it will be. You can rest and recover and get back on the grid if you want to. That’s a really good idea.”

His dad sounds so warm and supportive and Daniel doesn’t understand.

“Aren’t you disappointed in me?”

Max’s head snaps towards him.

“What? No! Never!” His parents’ voices overlap, but the message is clear. “Is that why you haven’t called? You thought we’d be upset?” His mum sounds like she’s crying.

Daniel’s eyes fill with tears and he nods, but they can’t see him. He lets go of Max’s hand and makes a talking gesture at the phone.

“He says yes to whatever you just said,” Max says towards the phone. Daniel takes his hand again and squeezes it in thanks. Max squeezes back.

“Oh, honey, no. We’re upset for you, but never with you. We’re never disappointed in you.”

“I thought you’d think I was a failure,” he chokes out.

There’s a beat of silence, then, “Honey, we’re sorry, we couldn’t understand you.”

“Repeat what I said?” he asks Max. He doesn’t think he can repeat it without just crying more. Max squeezes his hand.

“He says he thought you’d think he was a failure. You better disagree with him, by the way.”

Daniel laughs and shoves Max, but gently enough to not move him at all. Max laughs and leans against Daniel again.

His parents both laugh in surprise. “I must say, I like your young man,” says his dad.

“Me too,” says his mum. “You can tell him not to worry; we’re definitely disagreeing with you. We’d never think you were a failure. Even if you’d never won anything in racing, or retired tomorrow and never raced again.” His mum’s voice cracks. “We just want you to be happy.”

That doesn’t help Daniel’s tears at all. He fumbles at the phone and turns on speakerphone, and gestures for Max to talk.

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Ricciardo. It’s Max Verstappen. You better have disagreed with him.”

Daniel’s parents laugh, his mum a bit wetly. His dad answers Max. “We did. Don’t worry. And it’s Joe and Grace. It’s lovely to meet you, Max.”

Max smiles. “It is lovely to meet you as well. You’re on speakerphone now. Daniel is trying to stop crying so he can talk too.”

Daniel laughs, which is definitely what Max intended. “I can talk!”

“Oh good, Daniel can talk,” Max says, completely deadpan.

Daniel laughs again and his parents join in this time. Max looks pleased.

Daniel leans against Max, then changes his mind and gently pushes Max’s chest. Max looks confused for a second, then beams at him and slides over to the corner of the couch. Daniel slides after him before he can reconsider and sits in front of Max, leaning back against his chest.

Max’s arms come around him and Daniel lets himself sag backwards, resting his full weight against Max. He rests his head on Max’s shoulder and Max’s hands rub gently over his chest and stomach. Daniel can feel his muscles unknotting and relaxing under the warmth of Max’s hands.

He almost cries again as he listens to Max banter with his parents. Max throws in supportive comments about Daniel whenever he sees an opportunity and Daniel’s parents are more than happy to agree with him and share their own positive comments about Daniel too, until Daniel feels like a flower in the sunshine, basking in their love. He tries to add his own comments too, but he’s mostly overwhelmed by sheer relief, plus the unexpected happiness of his parents’ reaction to Max. His parents and Max are chatting like they’re long-time friends though, so no one seems to mind his limited participation.

Eventually the call wraps up, with Daniel promising to call again soon and his parents wishing him and his “very lovely young man” well.

Daniel ends the call and leans back against Max. “God, I love you.”

Max laughs. “I love you too.”

“You know they think we’re dating,” Daniel says.

Max laughs again. “I know. They’d think it even more if they’d heard what we just said.”

Daniel grins. “Yeah.”

Daniel takes Max’s hand and squeezes it, and Max squeezes back.

“They think you’re good for me,” Daniel says quietly, looking down at their hands.

“What do you think?”

Daniel hesitates, but there's only one answer he can give. “That they’re right.” He twists so he can see Max’s face and Max’s smile is like the sun coming up.

“They want you to come with me to Australia,” he blurts out. If he doesn’t ask now, he doesn’t know if he ever will.

“Do you want that?”

Daniel thinks about Max in Australia, riding the dirt bikes with him, meeting his niece and nephew, eating dinner at his parents’ house with the whole family. Then he thinks about how happy little Max would be there — the freedom he would have to go outside that he never has in Monaco, to run around and make noise and just be a kid. Daniel can show him all the stuff from his childhood and see little Max’s reactions.

Daniel suddenly wants that so much his breath catches.

He clears his throat. “Yeah. Yeah, I want that.” He looks down at their hands again, suddenly nervous about Max’s answer. “Do you? I know it’s a long flight and my family can be a lot and it’s probably not what you—”

Max gently touches two fingers to Daniel's lips, cutting him off.

“I would love to come home to Australia with you and I would love to meet your family. Yes, it is a long flight, but we will of course take my plane.”

Daniel laughs, surprised at how quickly a hypothetical trip is becoming a reality. “After the end of the season?”

“Yes.”

Daniel blinks. He suddenly has something to look forward to after what might be his last race. It was just a black hole in his mind, but now there’s a little bit of light creeping in.

“You really don’t mind that they think we’re dating?” Daniel asks.

“I really don’t mind. Like you said, we’re not dating yet, not never.”

Daniel doesn’t remember saying that exactly. He’s pretty sure he said they could be romantic someday but didn’t ever have to be. But if Max wants to set the expectation that it will happen someday, Daniel is okay with that.

“Besides, then we can share a bed and they won’t think it’s strange.”

Daniel laughs. Max’s easy acceptance of some things amazes him.

“You really want to come with me?”

“I really want to come with you.”

“You’re sure?” He tries to just believe it, but he can’t help asking.

“Hey, come here,” Max says, gently tugging Daniel until he’s curled against Max’s chest. “Good?”

Daniel looks up and he can see Max easily again, unlike the way Max was holding him before. Max is looking at him with a soft smile on his face.

“Yeah.”

Max strokes his back and Daniel sighs and takes a deliberate deep breath in and blows it out.

“Sorry,” he says. Max said he wants to go to Australia with him. Why won’t Daniel’s brain believe him?

Max slides his hand up to scratch at Daniel’s scalp and Daniel closes his eyes and rests his head fully on Max’s chest.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Max says softly. “I love you, and I’d like to visit your home.”

Daniel huffs a laugh. “You’re my home.” He realizes it’s true as soon as he says it — his home is wherever Max is.

Max is silent and his hand pauses mid-scratch in Daniel’s hair. Daniel raises his head so he can see Max’s face. After their earlier discussion about them living together, he thought that would make Max happy. Does Max not want to hear that now?

He looks at Max and relaxes. There are tears shining bright in his eyes and he’s smiling widely. Daniel smiles back and Max laughs, a sound of pure joy.

“You’re my home too,” Max says.

Daniel’s smile hurts his cheeks. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Max echoes. “So, can we visit Australia together?”

Daniel laughs. “Yeah. Yeah, we can.” He grins a bit evilly. “You can try Vegemite!”

Max shudders. “Is it too late to change my mind?” he asks, but he’s grinning too.

“Yup.” He remembers what Max said before. “No takesy-backsies!”

Max laughs. “I guess I’m stuck, then.”

“Yup.”

“But you’re joking about the Vegemite, right?”

Daniel doesn’t answer, just smiles and rests his head back on Max’s chest.

“Right, Daniel?” His voice sounds worried, but his hands start stroking through Daniel’s hair again. “Right?”

Daniel raises one hand blindly towards Max’s face and pats around until he finds Max’s lips. He touches them with one finger, the ‘shhh’ symbol.

Max gently kisses Daniel’s finger and then down his hand. Daniel can feel his smile. He kisses the back of Daniel’s wrist, then guides Daniel’s hand back down so it’s more comfortable. “I guess I’ll just have to come to Australia and find out if you’re serious or not.”

“I guess so,” Daniel says. His smile isn’t going anywhere.

Max’s fingers card through his hair and Daniel closes his eyes, then opens them again.

“Do you have something else planned today?”

Max reaches out and snags the blanket that lives on the back of the couch and tugs it over both of them. “Nope. Let’s stay like this for a while.”

“Okay.”

Max goes back to stroking his hair and Daniel closes his eyes.

“I love you,” Daniel says.

“I love you too.” He can hear Max’s smile.

Daniel yawns and curls closer into Max. He’s exhausted again, but everything feels lighter.

“Go to sleep, my sunshine,” Max says quietly. “I’ve got you.”

Max starts humming a lullaby. Daniel drifts gently into sleep, dreaming of Max’s hand in his and Maxy’s giggles ringing through sun-lit pathways lined with red and yellow roses.