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No one else understood what it felt like to count down the days to your death.
No one alive, anyways, since anyone who understood was dead now.
Some lucky people knew what it felt like to die, lucky only because they were given the rare second chance while everyone else had to live with the permanence of death. Some people knew what it felt like to count down the days until your maybe-death. Risky encounters, battles, procedures, wars, but there was still hope. There was still a slim chance of survival.
There were some people who died instantly, no countdown, no wait, no process, and Leo felt jealous. They didn't have to live in fear. They didn't have to sit there knowing they only had a certain time left before they disappeared. Fuck, at least they didn't have to spend every moment alive dreading.
Maybe Leo was being a prick about it. He chose to die in, he checked the time, less than 22 hours, and he therefore should've probably been kinder about it, less bitter.
But a choice didn't make it any less comforting, and he found himself up at 2am as he stared at the stars in the deck of the Argo II.
He stood there, arms lying on the deck walls as his hands fidgeted with a device he'd started months ago but never finished. His eyes were on the stars in the sky, but his mind was elsewhere.
Storm or fire.
Tomorrow, he would die to save Jason Grace. To fire, the world would fall.
He'd been there for an hour, thinking about Gods knew what. He thought about how sixteen was a very sad age to die in, about how he still had so much he didn't experience, so much he didn't do. He thought about how annoying the fates were, and he thought about how, as long as Jason survived, his death would be worth it. He couldn't live knowing another loved one died for him. He wouldn't.
He looked down at the once unfinished work in progress in his hand only to realise that, in his mindless haze, he'd made the final adjustments necessary for the device to work. The machine caught flight with its miniature wings: a small replica of Festus he'd made to learn how the medieval children of Hephaestus had created a life-like being.
Leo's eyes widened in shock. A toothy smile overtook his face as the dragon, only the size of his palm, rubbed its face on his cheek, and the smile would've stayed there had he not remembered that this celebration was short lived. The dragon's creator will be long gone in 24 hours.
"Couldn't sleep either?" Leo heard a voice say, and he turned his head to see the blond boy he'd been thinking of only moments ago. Leo smiled weakly, as if that would hide anything. Jason walked close to him until he was standing right beside him, leaning his back on the deck, face angled towards Leo. His hands were crossed, his hair was a mess, and he was wearing his gold glasses and what looked to be pyjamas (very old and shitty pyjamas). He looked perfect.
"Nah, just making friends with the stars," Leo joked. "Look, there's one right here."
Mini Festus moved from Leo's side to fly in between the pair, and Jason's eyes widened in amazement. He extended a finger, and mini Festus rubbed his head on his finger before moving to sit on Leo's shoulder.
"Leo, this is amazing," Jason gasped.
Leo smiled softly as he looked at the amazed son of Jupiter. "Yeah, he is."
"What's his name?"
"I was thinking Festus the second."
Jason frowned. "That's boring. Predictable."
Leo rolled his eyes. "Whatever, dummy. Leo Jr."
Jason groaned. "That's even worse."
"Hey!"
The pair laughed as Leo bumped the other boy's shoulder lightly, the laughter dying out and suddenly replaced with the same depressing awareness of death. Leo stared out at the night sky, but he could feel Jason's gaze on him.
Leo wanted to tell him everything. He wanted to tell him how afraid he was, how both life and death were petrifying to him under these circumstances. He wanted to tell him how he still had so much to offer, but he wouldn't be able to offer the world anything if he knew it came at the cost of Jason Grace. He wanted to tell him he meant the world to him, and how Jason made every day so much better. He wanted to mention how he couldn't handle another death because of him, not Jason's, especially not Jason's.
Instead, he found himself staring at the night sky as he mustered the ability to softly go, "I don't know what I'd do with myself if it's you."
He moved to look at the other boy and saw him staring at the opposite side of the deck. The gentle air moved his short blond hair gently. He frowned ever so slightly as he responded. "I don't know what I'd do with myself if it's you, either."
Jason moved his face to make eye contact with the shorter boy, and Leo felt his heart break as he saw the look of pure pain on Jason's face. He was sure his face wasn't any better. Leo felt like he was going to throw up.
Jason moved his hand to lay on top of Leo's. Leo looked down at their interlocked hands before moving his eyes back to Jason.
"We can't defy the fates," Jason said softly, painfully.
Leo smiled bitterly. "One of us is gonna die trying."
No one understood what it felt like to count down the days to your death, except for Jason. The thing is, though, he wasn't going to die, and Leo would make sure of it. He'd beat him to whatever plan he'd devised to sacrifice his life for Leo's, and he'd live a happy life where Leo was simply a distant memory. Jason would grow old and grey, and Leo would be with his mom again if he'd earned being with her, and maybe things would be okay. Maybe Jason would be okay.
That didn't change the fact that Jason truly believed he was a dead man walking. That left a hint of relatability, a hint of sadness in every word uttered between the pair. There was a silent recognition in both of them: One of us is dying. That person will be me. This is one of our last conversations before death does us apart.
Leo could see tears well up in Jason's eyes, and his eyes widened in surprise. Jason never cried. He didn't cry when seeing his sister again, he didn't cry after finding out what happened to his mother. He didn't cry when he and Piper broke up, not even after he died and came back after seeing Hera's true form.
But here he was, trying to stop his eyes from betraying him only to fail, and Leo realised he was crying too. He wiped the tears from his face as he heard the other boy sniff as he stared at Leo.
"You deserve the world, Leo," Jason managed. "Gods, I... I can't even explain it." He moved to wipe a tear from his face, but Leo was quicker, moving his hand gently across Jason's face. It was only then that he realised how close they were, how fast his heart was beating. Jason stared into Leo's eyes, seemingly coming to the same realisation as his breath skipped a beat.
Jason was going to be the death of him.
And just like that, Jason's lips were on his, and Leo was kissing back, their lips moving in unison as they held onto each other's faces. The kiss was soft but desperate, months of repressed emotions and desperation finally surfacing. Leo needed Jason. Gods, he needed Jason.
Jason moved first, laying his head on Leo's forehead as he tried to catch his breath, putting an end to a bittersweet kiss. They stood there, hands still on each other's faces as they closed their eyes, tears still streaming as they breathed.
When Leo opened his eyes, Jason was already looking at him, lips quivering.
"Leo, whatever happens tomorrow, I just need you to know—"
"Don't."
"Leo, please. I need to," Jason pleaded, staring at him, eyes tense. Leo almost felt shy under his stare, but he couldn't look away. Leo couldn't deny a dying man's wish, even though he wouldn't die. Leo wouldn't let him.
He sat in silence, letting Jason continue despite already knowing what he was going to say.
"Whatever happens tomorrow, Leo, know that I love you."
Leo felt his heart burst. Due to happiness or agony, he'd never know.
"I love you too, Jason. Gods, I love you."
Jason smiled ever so weakly, and Leo regretted it almost instantly. Jason would spend the rest of his life knowing he was loved by a dead man. He'd spend his whole life in regret.
It was too late to change anything, though, so he simply wrapped his arms around Jason, letting him wrap his arms around his waist as they pulled one another closer.
If it was either one of their last day on Earth (which it was), at least they'd spend it together. At least they'd spend it in love.