Archive of Our Own

Shuichi spotted his target: his purple haired boyfriend sitting on their shared couch with legs crossed in a sitting position. He fiddled with his phone nervously from his place on the stairs, stuffing it in his back pocket now that he was done with his phone conversation. He took a breath, walking towards the living room- he definitely was not going to like this news.

Kokichi looked up once Shuichi was in his view, an innocent smile on his face. He picked the remote out of his lap, pausing the television show as he spoke, “Need something?”

Shuichi exhaled, sitting on the couch with fingertips brushing against his lover’s, “I- just got off the phone with Kirigiri.”

Kokichi tilted his head curiously, “You’re detective buddy pulling you out to work on a case at-“ Shuichi watched him glance at the wall clock, “8 at night?”

Shuichi gave him an unimpressed look, “She’s not my ‘buddy,’ she’s my partner, and she wouldn’t do that.”

Kokichi rolled his eyes, slumping himself on the back of the couch, “She has before…”

“That was-“ Shuichi paused, changing subjects to avoid starting another one of their silly arguments over his- chaotic work schedule. It was not anyone’s fault. He and Kyoko were the best detectives in the firm, it was only natural they worked the hardest, most time consuming cases together. And sometimes, that called for late night hours or impromptu trips. Speaking of which… “Anyway, there’s- ah- a case we were assigned to?”

Kokichi’s smile was back on his face, head tilted in curiosity. Shuichi shied away from his case, “It was a serial murder in- in Kagoshima…”

Kokichi scrunched his nose, “Sheesh that’s like- more than a day away from here. How’d you get assigned to that?”

“We were personally requested by one of the victim’s family,” Shuichi explained, instinctively playing with his fingers, “All the victims were of a high status and came from wealthy families who wanted the best Japan could offer- but- that’s not important.” Kokichi could clearly see his stress, placing a hand on his fidgeting ones to help calm his nerves, “The firm rented out apartments for us… they want us to stay down there until w-we manage crack the case.”

“…”

It took Kokichi a minute to reply, face blank in that unreadable, yet terrifying way, “How long you think it’ll take?”

“Well I haven’t looked over the information myself…” Shuichi drawled, stalling against the reveal, “But Kirigiri said it could be well over a month before we tracked down the criminal.

Shuichi flinched when Kokichi’s eyes snapped open, grip tightening as a frown snapped across his face, “What? You’re serious? A month?”

He pursed his lips, “Maybe more…”

Once again, the room was enveloped in silence. Kokichi face held nothing but that sad, subtle frown that tugged at Shuichi’s heart strings. Kokichi’s eyes jumped to the floor and slowly, he left Shuichi’s grip, shifting zombie-like to face the television once more.

“Oh.”

“B-but maybe we can work something out!” Shuichi hurriedly reasoned, gripping Kokichi hands tightly and shifting his body forward to meet his boyfriend’s eyes, “So you don’t spend so long alone.”

Kokichi looked over, hope sparkling behind his eyes, “Can I come with you?”

Ah- he hadn’t been expecting that, “Come with me? To Kagoshima?”

“No- to the pits of hell for abandoning me!” Kokichi wailed through a pout, but quickly lifted a smile back on his face, “Yes- to Kagoshima.”

“Do you really want to?” Shuichi questioned, “I’ll be working the entire time…”

“It’ll be like a vacation for me!” Kokichi chirped, jumping on the couch excitedly, “From D.I.C.E.”

“I didn’t know you could take a vacation from charity and crime…”

“’Course you can!” Kokichi lilted, “It gets tiring, you know? Come ooon- it’ll be fun! We’ve never been on a vacation!”

“Its not a vacation…” Shuichi sighed, “It’s a business trip.”

“Fine, a business trip.” Kokichi huffed, “But I get to spend the whole time having fun!”

“I’ll be out late every night and leave early every morning,” Shuichi warned, “I doubt you’ll see me for days at a time.”

Kokichi cheery expression fell, “Well its not like I’m not use to it.”

Shuichi flinched. He really needed to get better at making time for Kokichi…

Kokichi seemed to notice his sudden stress, kissing him on the cheek, “Relax, I’m joking! I’ll see you- its not like you can spend every day of an entire month working! And someone needs to be there to make sure you don’t!”

Kokichi resumed his jumping, but threw himself onto Shuichi’s lap and wrapped his arms around his neck for a greater affect, “Please, please, pleaaase? I promise I’ll be good!”

Shuichi smiled- how could he resist his boyfriend, “Alright, alright. You can come. Just stop it with the puppy eyes!”

“Yay!” Kokichi cheered, placing a dramatic kiss on Shuichi’s lips, “You’re the bestest Shumai! I’m gonna have so much fun.”

Shuichi laughed, “I’m sure you will.”

Kokichi stretched his arms to the sky, walking down the paved gravel road of Kagoshima. The bright, bumbling atmosphere came from the quaint market he and Shuichi had stumbled into upon their attempt to go shopping for groceries. Shuichi had brought a personal chef, as Kokichi had joked about many times, and the “master of the kitchen” Kokichi Ouma only worked with the finest ingredients.

“That was so much wooork!” He whined, followed by an exaggerated yawn.

Shuichi walked beside him, holding a paper bag in his hands with a polite smile across features, “I wouldn’t say you put that much work into unpacking, seeing as you were making me carry you and the boxes at the same time…”

“Who even needs so much stuff for a business trip,” Kokichi scoffed, swinging his arms idly, “Its not like were moving here!” He pulled up a mischievous grin, leaning slyly towards Shuichi, “Or was this some dastardly scheme to separate me from my minions and get me all to yourself? What scandalous behavior of a servant! I suppose you can’t help being jealous… but this is going a bit far!”

“I only packed the essentials,” Shuichi argued- pointedly deciding to ignore whatever that story was, “Its just a long trip.”

Kokichi dropped the façade to give a disbelieving eyebrow raise, “The coffee machine is an essential?”

“Yes.” Shuichi stated with the most confidence Kokichi had ever heard from him, “Now why don’t we pick up some lunch?”

Kokichi nodded, looking around at the different stalls for something that looked interesting. He spotted a white food truck emitting an alluring aroma, grabbing Shuichi’s wrist and dragging him towards it, “Lets surprise ourselves!” He chucked as he saw Shuichi quickly scanning the truck- whether he was looking for danger or a menu, Kokichi could not tell.

They approached the food truck’s window and sure enough, a paper was taped to the counter with a variety of food items. Inside, a man was tending to a grill, flipping skewers until he spotted the couple approaching and flipped himself over with a cheery smile.

“How can I help ya’?”

“Just looking for lunch,” Shuichi explained, eyes scrawling over the menu.

Kokichi craned his neck to look behind the man, “Whatcha cooking back there?”

“Its what were known best for!” The man grabbed a skewer off a rack to the side, holding it out towards them, “Home seasoned Yakiton! Have a sample skewer!”

Shuichi’s eyes snapped over, watching Kokichi’s face fall knowingly. Kokichi despised pork with a passion- not that Shuichi could understand how a food someone had no sensitivity nor allergy to could induce reactions as strong as his from sheer disgust, he simply knew of it. He watched Kokichi pull up a polite smile, shaking his head.

“No thanksies! I don’t like pork.”

That’s putting it lightly, Shuichi thought- but decided to keep it to himself.

“Ah, but my Yakiton is special! No one can turn it away!” He pushed the snack closer to Kokichi with imploring eyes, “Just give it a little taste test! You’ll be blown away.”

Kokichi’s smile faltered a bit, but he just shook his head again, “I’m okay, what else do you got?”

“There’s no need to be so close minded, a little bite’s all it takes!”

Shuichi furrowed brows darted between Kokichi and the caterer. He was rather unnerved by the pressure, but he imagined it was a recipe he created and wanted it taste tested. Still, Kokichi was visibly getting annoyed strangely quickly. He was shaking, and very slowly inching away from the vendor.

“I don’t want it… I’ll just get something else.”

“’Course you can, but you’ll try this won’t you? I gotta show you my magic!”

Shuichi opened his mouth to scold the caterer, but he was too late. Kokichi lashed out- ripping the Yakiton from the vendor and throwing it on the floor.

“I SAID I DIDN’T WANT IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“Kokichi!”

Kokichi’s head snapped over, eyes wide and foggy in an unnerving way. Shuichi had grabbed onto Kokichi’s hand, staring at him with both concern and disappointment. He watched Kokichi get his bearings, guilt washing over his expression as he looked back at the shocked vendor, staring with wide eyes at Kokichi as his hand remained planted where it had been before.

Shuichi was still recovering from how quick the situation had escalated- completely confused why his boyfriend freaked out, but his mind was rational. He released Kokichi hand with another disappointed look, walking up to the caterer with a bow, “I’m so sorry… I’ll pay for the Yakiton.”

It took the caterer a second, but he responded without moving his eyes from Kokichi, “No… that was my bad… I’m real sorry I- I shouldn’t have been so insistent.”

“Thank you.” He looked back at his boyfriend, whose eyes were darting between all the staring passerbys. Shuichi swallowed dryly as he realized how many eyes were staring but took a breath and gripped Kokichi’s wrist, “I don’t think we’ll be eating after all… I’m sorry…”

He dragged Kokichi away, wrapping an arm around his waist to provide some comfort. Kokichi was still silent, eyes pointedly staring at the floor. He led him somewhere more secluded, to a wall of a building out of the market’s main street. He rested Kokichi’s back on the wall, placing a hand on his cheek and smiling as honestly as he could.

“Hey, you alright? You freaked out back there…”

Kokichi matched his smile, but it was filled with far more sorrow with eyes still stuck on the floor, “Sorry…”

“What was that about?”

Kokichi took a deep breath, finally looking up with eyes masked with confidence, “I’m just hungry…”

Shuichi gave him a skeptical look. “Right… do you want to head back or keep looking for something to eat?”

Kokichi stared at him blankly for a long moment, “I’ll cook us something at the apartment.” He walked away, leaving Shuichi speechless at his swift recovery. He shook himself back, following after Kokichi with worry bubbling in his stomach.

The walk home did not hold any tension between the two, but the silence was freaking Shuichi out. Where his boyfriend would usually be swinging, swaying, bubbling, blathering, he was walking silently beside Shuichi. The taller hardly knew what to think. Was Kokichi still held up over that caterer? Sure, it was rude of him- but Shuichi hardly thought Kokichi was the kind of person to let it truly affect him. Maybe he really was just that hungry- but he knew that could not have been true. Kokichi got louder when he was hungry- whining, complaining, never would he get quieter.

There was nothing he could pin as wrong though, so he simply followed his boyfriend back, with the groceries gathered gripped in his hands.

Their apartment was on the third floor of a complex just two streets away from the market. As such, it was a fairly quick journey over and up. Shuichi unlocked the door from the balcony hall, throwing open the door and bringing Kokichi inside. The layout was quaint, but pleasant. It opened into a kitchen directly to its left, and living room directly to the right. There was no door on the back wall, just an open wall that allowed passage into the bedroom with a small bathroom off to the side. The furniture was few and far between, but it was good enough for a month or two, good enough for a person or two, and frankly, Shuichi felt lucky enough to be given that.

He took the groceries over to the island table centering the small kitchen, Kokichi dragging himself over to the single, grey couch facing the tv hooked up to the wall. Shuichi smiled at him, but simply put away the different foods, letting his boyfriend rest after his strange day. Kokichi’s vacation/ Shuichi’s business trip already had a rocky start, but Shuichi was sure it would go fine enough.

Once finished, Shuichi checked on the violette. Walking the few steps over to hover above the couch let him see Kokichi face first in the cushions, sprawled out like a washed up starfish and mumbling unintelligible nonsense to himself. Shuichi leaned on the back of the couch, bringing a hand down to comb through the back of Kokichi’s hair.

“We should spend some time together,” Shuichi suggested, “Me and Kyoko’s investigation starts tomorrow, so we better see each other all we can now. How about we make lunch together?”

Kokichi nodded, still unusually silent as he heaved himself off the couch. He walked around the couch with an apathetic face, throwing his face into Shuichi much like he had with the couch.

“Later… ‘m tired.”

“I thought you were hungry?” Shuichi teased, continuing to play with his hair.

“Not anymore….” Kokichi groaned, lazily wrapping his arms around Shuichi, “Lets sleep.”

Shuichi shook his head, but starting leading Kokichi over to the bedroom.

“As you wish, my Supreme Leader.”

The first things Kokichi registered when he awoke was a cold feeling in the bed next to him he wished he did not have to be used to, and a gnawing in his stomach swirling with a subtle nausea that made his head spin. He groaned lifting himself into a sitting position as he rubbed sleep from his eyes and took in his surroundings. There was a lapse of time where he did not the recognize the room he was in, but memories resurfaced, and he understood he was in the apartment, and Shuichi was gone, meaning as he said yesterday- he had started investigating.

Kokichi felt his stomach twist more at the realization. He was grateful he got to be down in Kagoshima with him, but he knew he would still feel loneliness tugging at him for the entire duration of the trip.

Kokichi groggily lifted himself from the bed, stumbling over the kitchen to make something that would stop the grumbling in his stomach. Only a portion of one, he reminded himself bitterly. There was no one else there to cook for.

“Perks of dating a detective,” Kokichi grumbled to himself as he pulled out one of the pans he brought. Of course, he would support Shuichi’s ambitions, and more than that- his job was just and virtuous. But it meant he spent countless days waking up alone, or going to sleep alone, or sometimes both. Days he did not even see his boyfriend, in the worst of it- days he did not even get a call. It happened so often, too often, but there was nothing that could be done. Sometimes he wondered what the point was of moving in with someone, when half of the time you were alone anyway?

But it was worth it- for the days he got to wake up or fall asleep in his arms, for the movie nights and dinners. For the kisses goodbye and welcome home. Perhaps they were more sparse than he would like, but its not like they were uncommon. Perhaps he was too dramatic, perhaps he should just accept what he has, and fight against the loneliness he would endure the possible months he would spend in that apartment.

He knew he would not win.

He bowled a small cup of rice, bringing it and a pair of chopsticks over to the table. He saved the dishes for later- desperate to cure the hungers pains first. Why was he so hungry anyway?

He lifted the chopsticks, and yet, he could not bring them to the bowl.

M#st # r#m#nd you, th#t #s # d#l#c#cy #t w#s pr#par#d by th# fin#st ch#f #n K#r#a.

He buried his face in his hands, mind flashing between memories of the food truck yesterday and many years ago.

Y#u w#ll nt sh#w s#ch disr#spect t# th# f#mily, Kokichi!

He took another sharp breath, confused by the surge of memories and chill running across his body. He tried to shake it off. He was just hungry- if he ate he would feel better. He picked up his chopsticks again and-

YOU WILL EAT IT!

He slammed the chopsticks down, pushing himself from the stool and walking back towards the bedroom. He needed to clear his head- his mind was just being stupid. He had no clue what was happening. Well- he did- but it certainly was not anything he was going to admit to himself.

He decided to just get ready for the morning and come back to breakfast after. Yeah, a hot shower would calm his agitated nerves enough to let him eat. He was stripped and submerged in the hot water of the shower within minutes. Trying to keep his mind as far away from yesterday and- years prior- as possible.

His shower was quick and probably not as effective as normal showers would be, but he felt calmer as he stepped out of the waters, drying himself off and changing into new clothes. He grabbed a brush from the counter he had placed there the night before, walking out into the bedroom and up to the full body mirror. He smiled at his cute outfit, bringing the comb up and brushing his hair out where he could see it.

There were hands on his waist.

He cried out, spotting two lithe hands gripping his waist in the mirror’s reflection. He looked up. His mother’s face was just behind his own, curls of lilac hair billowing down to her painted purple nails, squeezing the skin around his waist and tugging at it. He felt his throat tighten, eyes filling with tears upon instinct. Another sharp breath was inhaled and the hairbrush thrown to the floor as he pushed himself back over to the kitchen. He was probably calm enough now anyway- he could eat now.

He saw the bowl of rice on the counter.

He threw it away. The entire bowl.

He threw the chopsticks away too.

His face hit the pillow of the bed, hands gripping the same pillow. His stomach was screaming, and yet- that pain slowly started to fade in the presence of horrid memories. He felt sick, sick from enduring their resurgence, sick from the feeling of the skin around his body.

Another sharp breath- because he needed it. He needed to breathe. He needed to stop being so damn dramatic and start his day. What was this over? What had started it?

All his thoughts were starting to dissolve, sleeping was pulling at his mind. He groaned, throwing the blanket over him and burying himself further into the bed.

He would just sleep, and pray that every feeling he felt would not be there when he awoke.

The door lock clicked and slowly creaked open, blue combed hair poking through the door. The room was dimly lit, only illuminated by the faint light outside. Shuichi slipped inside silently, closing the door behind him with a subtle twist of the lock and flicking the main area’s lights on. The bedroom was still encompassed in darkness, ergo Kokichi was out of sight. Yet, a certain aroma caught his attention and his eyes snapped over to the table. Seaweed-wrapped rolls were sitting upon a plate, a bowl of sauce set aside next to a pair of chopsticks. Stuck in front of the ensemble was a small sticky note with nothing but a heart. He smiled, walking over and sitting at the table.

It tasted as wonderful as he expected; his boyfriend was certainly talented. Even through his aversion, he felt lucky to have Kokichi there with him- but- it was selfish. Kokichi did not get to see him, Kokichi was practically going to be alone. But Shuichi got warm meals and a lovely violette to sleep with at night, a lovely violette to see before he left each morning.

Had Kokichi really wanted this? To spend even more than a month a day's journey away from his family and friends, all just to scarcely see Shuichi? It was true, he knew it- Kokichi had asked for it after all. And knowing that, he felt as if he had the best boyfriend in the world, as guilty as it made him to deprive him of so much.

Slowly relishing the sweet and savory tastes, his mind wandered to a few night prior, where his boyfriend had looked at him with a straight face, and admitting to being used to being alone- used to waking up alone, going to sleep alone, leaving the home he shared with D.I.C.E to live in the presence of no one. It burned in his chest, the guilt, the sorrow. He could hear the chipper voice of Kokichi then, telling him he had been joking- but they both knew he wasn’t joking. Still he could hear his voice, scolding him for being “dramatic" that it was worth every moment with him. He was willing to spend so much time alone, for the moments he got to spend with Shuichi.

He really did have the best boyfriend.

Shuichi had hardly noticed when the plate was empty, but took the moment to pick up the plate and wash it in the sink. He left the dishes aside to dry, taking a brief shower and changing out of the stuffy working clothes that gave him his Ultimate Detective look. Walking out of the bathroom clad in soft fabrics to see Kokichi lying in bed was all-too common, and yet, it was still just as adorable

He laid himself down on the free side of the bed, though Kokichi was facing away. With a gentle tsk, he pulled the blanket over himself, propping himself up with an elbow and flipping Kokichi over with a hand on his waist. The sight was- alarming, for a face usually so gentle in sleep was twisted with a frown and tight, quivering eyes. He frowned himself, bringing a hand up to rub under his eyes, hoping to loosen their tight hold.

A nightmare. It was an easy conclusion to come to. The gentle shaking he had not noticed until holding, the discomforted expression, the gentle murmur he usually had through out the night completely silenced, all different signs on his nightmares. It was gentle however: no tears, whimpers, or cries, so he pulled Kokichi into his chest, shifting onto his back to where Kokichi was on top of him, and pulled his hand through his hair, whispering sweet nothings to lull him back to sleep. Even unable to see his face, he could tell the nightmare was fading. His calming body, and his gentle hums started peaking through the darkness.

He smiled, deciding against thinking over the strange nightmare and let his mind fall away. He had a tiring day- after all- and tomorrow would be just as tiring.

So he shut his eyes, and let his own dreams claim him.

Shuichi’s routine was broken a mere two days later, when he clicked open the door into he dead of night, a meal to his left, but a presence to his right. He blinked again, noticing vibrant purple locks peeking out from behind the grey couch. He glanced at the clock and- yep- he was definitely home around the same time he had been every night, why would Kokichi be awake? Kokichi could stay up late if he wanted, but to avoid a mouthful from Shuichi, he was usually in bed around 10. Thirty past midnight was quite a bit late for the leader, not to mention unnatural since the start of their trip.

While lost in his own mind, he hardly noticed that Kokichi was looking at him, smiling when he finally caught Shuichi’s gaze.

“Shu!”

He stood from the couch, but immediately an unusual glaze fell over his eyes. He stumbled backwards, face unnervingly blank. Shuichi felt his stomach plunge, and reacted within a moments notice, dashing towards Kokichi and wrapping an arm around his back. He heard a shaky gasp from Kokichi, who stabled himself with fists on Shuichi’s chest. Once he had blinked the fog out of his eyes, he looked up at Shuichi with a nervous smile.

“Welcome back..?”

“What happened?” Shuichi pointedly ignored his distraction, “Are you okay?”

Kokichi’s smile brightened, but the genuineness was questionable, “Silly Shumai! I just stood up too fast! I’m fine now, see?”

He looked down at his petite boyfriend, “You’re shaking…”

Kokichi huffed, leaning more of his weight into Shuichi, “Maybe I’m still a bit dizzy…”

“Have you been drinking water?” Shuichi checked, worry prominent in his tone. Ironic that his first conversation with his boyfriend in two days was about his wellbeing. He should not have been surprised, really. It was Kokichi, after all, letting him care for himself was foolish in the first place, “Here, lets get you to bed and I’ll get you a glass of water.”

Kokichi puffed out his cheeks with a lippy pout, “Awe, I don’t even get my welcome back kiss?”

Shuichi’s eyes widened as the realization dawned on him, “Did you… stay up just for that?”

He only got a cheeky grin.

Shuichi sighed, annoyance building in his temples, purely from concern. He gently pecked Kokichi, before starting to pull him towards the bedroom, “Come on, you’re clearly exhausted.”

He could tell, not only was Kokichi shaky, but his expression looked almost- weak, like he was struggling against the weight of his own face. His steps were slow and uncoordinated, breaths deeper than usual and weight leaned strongly into Shuichi. It was- strange. Kokichi was usually far more tolerable against sleep depravity. He could usually go through a night working and still look peachy keen in the morning, albeit a little grumpier. The idea that staying up two hours later than usual would have such a toll on him did not sit right with the detective.

Maybe the dehydration was playing a bit more into it? He did struggle to get Kokichi to consistently drink water without him there, but Shuichi had gone on business trips before, left Kokichi to his own devices, and his influence would still keep Kokichi drinking water. It was bothersome, he just hoped something else was not affecting his boyfriend. He really did not have the time in the day to deduce it, what with all the attention on the case. He’d just have to chalk it up to a mix of dehydration and exhaustion and ignore his detective/boyfriend instincts scratching at the back of his brain, telling him there was something more. It was not like he was dying or anything- just a bit shaky.

The room was hardly lit, so it was a struggle to maneuver to the bed. However, Kokichi seemed to have the route far more down, practically guiding himself over and crawling over the covers to the side he had been sleeping on for the duration of their stay. His large, mauve eyes were staring at Shuichi from under the blanket that was tucked up to his nose, watching for his next move.

Shuichi smiled at his adorableness, patting him on the head (earning a huff of discontent, as always) before heading back over to the kitchen and filling a glass with cool water from the kitchen sink. He brought it over to the mahogany bedside table closest to Kokichi, and set it down upon the surface.

“This better be gone before I get back.”

“So mean…” Kokichi whined, struggling out from other the covers to grip the glass. It was hard to see in the dimly lit room, but Shuichi could swear his hands were shaking as well.

He left a kiss of the violette’s forehead before heading to the bathroom, giving Kokichi time to finish the water as he showered himself. He tried not to let his worry eat too much at his thoughts under the steaming water. Kokichi always told him he worried too much, and the last thing he wanted was to annoy him in the brief amount of time they got to spend together during that trip.

So he wiped his mind clean of his worries as he turned off the water, drying himself and changing into comfier clothes. He stepped out of the bathroom, flicking off its light switch to once again drown the room in darkness. He shuffled into his side of the bed, smiling when he saw the empty glass of water and Kokichi's sleeping form on the bed. It was bittersweet, pained he only got to see his boyfriend conscience for brief minutes, but he could see Kokichi's exhaustion and wouldn’t be the selfish lover that made him stay awake.

So he wrapped an arm around Kokichi's waist, pulling him into his chest. Immediately, Kokichi curled around him, purring gently when Shuichi rested his chin on his head. Shuichi shut his eyes, savoring the memories of his wakeness before lulling to sleep.

And still, his instincts itched.

The rest of the week went off without a hitch. Shuichi would come home during the night, eat whatever dinner/leftovers Kokichi had prepared for him, shower, and cuddle Kokichi as he slept away. Once or twice, he had come home to a letter from Kokichi talking about all the things he had done during the day, what he had gone and saw or what he had heard from their friends back home. It was a silly gesture, of course, he had been calling Kokichi before or after eating lunch with Kyoko, so it was not like the letters were necessary, but it was too sweet and romantic for Shuichi to complain.

It was only on the next Thursday when something was awry once more. He had shuffled a bag with a gift for Kokichi onto his shoulder to open the door, and immediately was hit with a wave of heat. Outside was a pleasant coolness that night, not quite too cold or quite too hot, but their apartment was enveloped in a wave of heat, uncomfortably so. He shut the door behind him, taking in everything as a usual sight. There were leftovers on the table, no letter or even sticky note however, but there had not been one yesterday either so he imagined Kokichi was just busy. The lights were completely off, the apartment kept at its finest, so why was it so hot?

He breathed out uncomfortably, walking up to the little white thermostat hanging on the living room’s wall and read its screen. His head spun as he saw the number, set up way higher than the usual pleasant temperature. Kokichi surely would not have set it that high intentionally. He got cold incredibly easily, sure, but this sort of heat would be uncomfortable for him as well, not like he did well in heat either. Perhaps the system had glitched, thought it seemed strange that Kokichi would not have noticed. After he fell asleep perhaps?

Worry bubbled in Shuichi’s stomach. Once again, those instincts were telling him he was wrong, something was wrong- or were they? Instincts and paranoia felt so similar. Sometimes, it was impossible to tell the difference.

He decided to just check on Kokichi. Food could wait, a shower could wait, he just needed to know he was okay.

Flicking on the light in the bedroom revealed just what Shuichi thought it would. Kokichi was curled up in the bed, sleeping under its blanket. However, the longer Shuichi looked, the more it looked- peculiar. Finally, Shuichi put his finger on it, the boy was shaking- but not in his nightmare induced hazy way where he thrashed about or quivered in fear- no, his body was trembling and his breaths were shuddering, like he was cold.

Now that was confusing.

He approached the bed, slipping his hand under the blanket to rest a hand on Kokichi’s arm. His eyes snapped open at the touch, his skin was cold and littered with bumps. He could feel it trembling just like when he dragged Kokichi outside during the winter. His mind was riddled with questions and concerns, walking around the bed to see his face. Just as he thought: twisted in discomfort, but not a hint of fear. His cheeks had lost their usual rosy tint, their cute child-like puffiness seemed vacant as well.

Shuichi hummed in worry, a frown planted on his lips as he rested the back of his hand on Kokichi’s forehead, and slowly slipped it down to his cheek. Not a fever then, his face was as cold as his body. He must have a cold, and a nasty one too. His heart tugged in sympathy towards his trembling lover, taking action by moving back over to the kitchen. His heart also gave a twist of pity, thinking of the heavy, uncomfortable feeling of sickness, especially the unfortunateness of it happening during his mini vacation. He really wanted to stay home the next day to take care of him, but with how tangled the case was getting he knew there would be no exceptions. He decided he would just prepare a nice soup for him, and see if he wanted him to stop by the store for some cold medicine tomorrow.

And so he followed a recipe he learned from Kaede, saved in his phone, in order to prepare a container of soup. It only took an hour or so, and that hour or so later it was sealed, placed in the fridge with a sticky note stuck to it.

Just heat it up in the microwave and it should be ready to eat. Hope you feel better soon love. Call me if you need anything from the store. -Shuichi

(He felt it was rather listless to sign the note, but what could he say he was a man of formalities.) Shuichi washed up the dishes before showering and changing himself into softer clothes, now completely worn out for the extra work that had been added to his nightly routine. He decided to settle on the couch that night, keen on avoiding catching what Kokichi had- at least when it was probably at its worst. So he kissed his lover on the forehead and whispered him unheard goodnights before stealing off a blanket and pillow and forming himself a little bed on the couch. He certainly could have worse sleeping conditions- it was actually rather comfy.

And as he fell asleep he wished fast healing and bore much pity to Kokichi, thoughts slowly melting together as sleep pulled him closer. Still, even when his mind was at his foggiest, those instincts were still prickling at his skin.

Does Kokichi really have a cold? Or is something else going on?

Surprisingly enough, when he called Kokichi, he told Shuichi he did not want cold medication or anything of the sort. He was feeling just fine, supposedly, and teased Shuichi for worrying over “midnight chills.” Well, Shuichi really did not know what that meant, but he was just glad his boyfriend was feeling alright. Still, he sounded more weary than usual, so Shuichi still checked if he ate the soup and, according to Kokichi, Shuichi could rest easy because he had some soup, lots of water, and was sleeping for most of the day.

So if Kokichi had been suffering from a cold, he was sure it at least got some natural treatment. He was worried, sure, but he could always check on him when he got back.

He was home a bit earlier than he had been past nights. Though the sun had still set it had only just passed ten. After such tiresome work that past week, Shuichi and Kyoko had decided to give themselves a small, two hour breather, and just go home a bit earlier. They were really stuck on the murder weapon, and sitting around the table for two more hours surely was not going to stir up any ideas that had not come up in the past five. Even as passionate as they both were about their job, they were rather looking forward to their early off tomorrow and their free Sunday.

He pulled open the front door, already smirking at the prospect of surprising his boyfriend. Even as he flicked on the light, he did not see him within the dining or living area, although a meal had already been set up on the table, steaming far more than usual, he was nowhere in sight. He heard shuffling from the bedroom, though, and heard,

“Shu?”

He smiled, walking into the bedroom, a dim lamp was switched on, on the mahogany bedside table, and Kokichi was sat up in bed, blanket pooling in his lap and sparkling eyes pouring into his.

“You’re back early.”

“Yeah, we decided we needed a little time to think about things.” He brought himself over to the bed, sitting upon his side and leaning over to kiss Kokichi on the lips before pulling away, “I’ll be off early tomorrow too, around five. Our client has some conference apparently.”

Kokichi tilted his head, face blank and weirdly calm, “And you have Sunday off, right?”

Shuichi nodded, eliciting a calm smile from Kokichi, “Good.”

“I was thinking we could go out for dinner tomorrow night.” Shuichi suggested, “Me and Kyoko keep passing this really nice restaurant that looks great.”

Kokichi’s eyes lit with a playful sparkle, “Well well well, is my beloved asking me on a date? Even when he’s betrothed to one Kyoko Kirigiri?”

Shuichi grumbled, shifting himself to lean back on the headboard, “I’ve told you not to joke about that. What do you say?”

Kokichi pulled himself forward, resting his cheek on Shuichi’s shoulder. Shuichi grimaced, it felt bonier than it usually did.

“Nah, I’ve been really tired.” Kokichi admitted, his eyes slipping shut as he took Shuichi’s hand in his own, “’m don’t think I’ll be up for it…”

Shuichi raised an eyebrow, “So you are sick?”

Kokichi was silent for a brief moment as he played with Shuichi’s fingers, propping up his chin on Shuichi’s shoulder to look him in the eyes, “Nope! Its probably just allergies or something. New place stuff, you know?”

Shuichi pursed his lips, not liking the answer, “Want me to pick up some allergy pills, then?”

Kokichi shrugged and kissed Shuichi on the cheek, “Don’t bother, wouldn’t even know which ones to use. Why don’t you take Kyoko out?”

“I see her everyday,” Shuichi sighed, reaching over to grab Kokichi’s other hand, “Its fine, I’ll figure something out. Why don’t you get ready for bed while I eat and shower?”

“Sure, but,” Kokichi pulled himself closer, resting his head on Shuichi’s chest, “Just- stay for a bit.”

Shuichi smiled, wrapping his arms around Kokichi’s waists and resting his chin on Kokichi’s head. He took in the silence, focusing on the rise and fall of Kokichi’s chest against his own and the gentle hum of his breath. Just like he did in all those spare moments they were up late at night or too lazy to leave the bed in the morning. It was the calm constant of their relationship, what he always looked forward to.

“I missed you, Shumai.”

And yet something was still amiss. His breaths must have been off. Everything he was saying, doing, felt so much weaker than always. Was allergies a serious concern, or just some excuse to pay it no mind? With Kokichi, it was always impossible to tell. Still, the moments that would be like that he knew would be brief within the span of the business trip, so he just focused on the calm, kissing the top of his head softly, gently.

“I missed you, too.”

And in a moment Kokichi was asleep.

He slid Kokichi off his lap, letting his tired boyfriend rest as he cleaned up the apartment. It was not too terrible, but there were a few dishes about and the floor certainly needed swept. So he got himself to work, fighting off his own tired eyes and pulling himself out into the main room. It was a slow process, but calm against the constant stress of the serial killing case he and Kyoko were trying to solve. It helped him clear his mind, let him dwell on possibilities and predictions. He tried to keep himself distracted, however, knowing how huffy Kokichi got when he was “spending home time in his work mind” but the violette certainly was in no state to catch him, so possibilities ran through his mind a mile a minute. He really was a detective at heart.

His racing mind halted, however, when he pulled open the trash can to throw away the swept up dust, because among various disposed wastes, was the entire container of soup, untouched- not even opened. He stared for a moment, unsure what to feel, unsure what to think, and slowly- started looking it over, checking what he was looking at.

Yep, it was the soup he made. The soup Kokichi said he ate.

He really did not know how to feel, confusion the front of his emotions. Why would Kokichi throw it away? Furthermore, why would he lie about it? He knew Kokichi liked it, it was his favorite- in fact, a “Shuichi Special” he called it (despite it being Kaede’s recipe). He had watched him eat it during countless sick days before, even when he was groaning about his sickness-elicited low appetite, he always ate it.

Now, he was more concerned than ever before, and frankly, he had not the slightest clue what to do about it. He was unsure what would happen if he confronted Kokichi about it, but the last thing he wanted was to start a fight during their albeit scarce time together. So what did that leave? Was he supposed to just let such an abnormality go?

He dumped the dustpan into the trash and closed it. He supposed he was.

His mind had taken a turn. Gone was its rambles about the case he was working on, now he was creating predictions and possibilities to the state of his hand-crafted soup. Still, he could not pin anything together, like enough puzzle pieces were missing to not even give him an idea of what the picture could be. Maybe he would prompt Kokichi, maybe he would not. Without so much as a suspicion, it was hard to decide what the right thing to do was.

So he finished cleaning the apartment and left it at that. He’d dwell on it later, maybe it was not something he needed to dwell on in the first place, but it stuck in his mind, even as he saw Kokichi in his bed, riddled with allergies, a cold, who knows what at that point. He was worrying about him, but was there really anything to worry about? Was it just his paranoia once again?

Paranoia or not, he just prayed his boyfriend was okay.

The street was alight with the radiant hues of orange and pink, cast in the early comings of the sunset. Shuichi walked down the said street, holding a plastic bag from an aforementioned restaurant with two containers inside it, and a bottle of Grape Panta. He was smiling, of course, once again expecting a surprised reaction from his lover. He had said he had not wanted to go out for food, and when he was complaining to Kyoko about this missed opportunity for a date, she had made one of her wise suggestions. Why not bring the food to him?

And so he stood outside the apartment, fully prepared to receive a barrage of kisses from his lover when he showed how thoughtful and romantic he was. After he gave Kyoko credit, of course, it was her idea.

When he pulled the door open, he did not know what he had expected to see. It was the sight of a few days before, Kokichi sat upon the couch. This time, some colorful show was playing, paused immediately when the door opened, and sparkling eyes snapping over to his- arms outstretching dramatically.

“My prince has returned!”

“You’re prince?” Shuichi prompted, sitting himself down on the couch and falling into Kokichi’s arm, earning himself a kiss on the lips.

“From his quest to slay the eviiil dragon of course!” Kokichi chirped.

Shuichi pouted, “You better not be talking about Kyoko…”

Kokichi giggled, “Maaaybe~” His eyes fell to the bag in his hand, a finger coming up to his cheek, “Whatcha got there?”

“Ah,” He pulled the bag into his lap, pulling it open to show Kokichi what was inside, “You said you wouldn’t be up for going out, right? So I brought the food here.”

In a move he had not expected, Kokichi’s complexion paled, “The food?”

“From that restaurant,” Shuichi admitted, a nervous feeling itching at his skin, “I- um- just took my best guest at what you would order… I’m sorry if I got it wrong.”

Kokichi did not respond for an unnerving amount of time, just- staring blankly at the bag. Out of nowhere, a carefree grin popped onto his face, and his eyes shot up to meet Shuichi’s.

“Awe! You’re so lovesick Shumai! Getting me food like this!” His began examining his fingernails, a bored look upon his face, “Honestly, it’s embarrassing for you…”

Shuichi sighed, “If I recall, you’ve been making me food every night…”

A malicious grin spread across his boyfriend’s face, “Whose to say I haven’t been poisoning it~”

Shuichi rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around Kokichi’s waist and pulling him onto his feet, leading him over to the table, “Come on, lets just eat.”

Minutes later, the food was set out across the table, plates in front of both of them. Shuichi was pleasantly munching on his sushi; it tasted just as amazing as he expected it to. He looked over to Kokichi, expecting to get his reaction, but he was just- staring at the plate. Shuichi raised an eyebrow.

“Are you- going to try it?”

Kokichi flinched, as if he had been lost in his own world, eyes jumping up as quick as a smile, “Ehhh… I’m not really hungry right now.”

Shuichi frowned, “Did you already eat?”

“A full three course meal!” Kokichi chirped, “That’s a lie of course, I really-“

Kokichi was interrupted by the ringing of Shuichi’s phone, gaining the attention of the both of them. Shuichi pulled the phone from his pocket, reading the caller ID before looking up at Kokichi.

“Its Kyoko… I-“

“Should take it outside.” Kokichi finished with a knowing smile. Shuichi nodded, lifting himself from the table and walking out the front door. Cases were confidential. Even if Shuichi would hardly call Kokichi a “regular citizen,” he was still counted as such among law forces, so any and all discussion of case work, especially ones as drastic as the current, had to be kept far from his ears. It was a pain, really. He could not think of anyone that would be a better asset to his and Kyoko’s cases, what with his intelligence and knowledge of the underworld’s workings.

The thoughts rushed through his head briefly as he stepped outside the apartment, checking to make sure no one else was standing outside before shutting the door behind him. He tried to greet Kyoko, but she was already talking.

I’ve got it.

“Got it? Got… what?”

The murder weapon. At least, I think I do.

Shuichi’s eyes shot open, “Start talking. U-um please…”

Shuichi listened in fascination as Kyoko explained her theory, dwelling over the possibility in his head. She laid out all she had pulled from, all she was assuming, and all they could do with the information if she was correct. Before long, Shuichi had a hand over his mouth, lost in his own deep thought.

“We need to meet up and talk about this…” Shuichi finally spoke when she finished her explanation, “This… this could be a breakthrough.”

If you remember we took tomorrow off. Kyoko reminded him, but I suppose we could pull that.

Shuichi hesitated, glancing back at the apartment door. He was really looking forward to spending the day with Kokichi…

Kyoko sensed his apprehension, responding with, Not the whole day. Why don’t we just meet up for breakfast and confirm the possibility. We can take the rest of the day off, and work on proving it Monday.

Shuichi smiled, satisfied with the suggestion, “Sounds like a plan. How about… seven-thirty?”

At the Café. Kyoko concluded, See you then.

She hung up the phone, releasing Shuichi back into the reality off the world around him. He blinked as he realized the sun had set, leaving him surrounded by darkness and thousands of twinkling stars. A chill had picked up as well, drenching through the thin fabric of his clothes and making him shiver. He swiftly brought himself back inside to surround himself in warmth, flicking on the light that hadn’t been needed the last time he was inside. He looked over to the table, fully expecting Kokichi to still be sitting at it, but he was nowhere to be seen, and neither was his food.

His eyes tracked over to the bedroom, an easy conclusion of course. Surely it had not been too long, not long enough for a fully awake Kokichi to fall into tiredness and then fall asleep. But perhaps he had been tired to begin with. He always seemed tired recently, just a bit lethargic, or perhaps much more hidden by a mask. He was not really focused on that, however, keen on joining his lover after that rather tiring conversation. He cleaned up his own food, he had been practically finished anyway. Before Kokichi had even taken a bite. He was not usually such a slow eater, but he supposed he gained an appetite eventually, seeing as the food was gone. He’d have to ask him his opinion of it tomorrow.

Kokichi being asleep was rather troublesome, something he confirmed when he looked into the bedroom after washing up the dishes. He’d have to write him a note or send him a message, something to let him know where he was going and when he would be back tomorrow. He certainly doubted Kokichi would be up at seven-thirty, so he opted for scribbling out a note and leaving it right on Kokichi’s forehead as Kokichi had so many times to him. He certainly learned a thing or two about being playful from him.

He sped through his nightly routine, showering and changing, joining Kokichi under the covers the moment he was done. Tomorrow was an exciting day, after all, the first of the long, long business trip he would get to spend almost entirely with him. They hadn’t any plans, so he was looking forward to seeing where the day would take them.

He could not wait. Though later, he certainly would regret focusing on tomorrow so much.

He bid Kyoko goodbye, watching as she walked herself over to her car with the leftovers from her breakfast. She was incredible, her theory about the murder weapon was certainly correct. Finally, that wretched stab in their side was cured, now they just had to find the evidence that would prove it to be true. A step closer in the long path to justice, and every step was a motivator to take the next. It was the most fulfilling job he could ask for, a job he was lucky to have.

Still, the prospect of the rest of that beautiful day and its beautiful clear, blue sky spent with his lover was just as enticing. He was dwelling on plans for that day the whole walk back to the apartment, picking up pamphlets he spotted that held fun activities. By the time he had reached the building, he practically had an armful. He could not wait to show Kokichi.

At one point, he walked by a lovely store. He had already bought a few gifts for Kokichi that trip, but he could hardly deny the urge to look through its stocks. He found adorable dangling earrings of Grape Panta bottles, so perfect for his boyfriend he just had to buy them. He could not wait to show Kokichi.

And he passed that restaurant he had loved so much. By the way the food had disappeared so quickly, he assumed Kokichi had loved it too. It was a shame Kokichi had missed out seeing its unique, feudal Japanese interior, and he had a few items he wanted to try. Perhaps they could eat lunch there, then. He could not wait to show Kokichi.

The sun was lighting up the sky beautifully, shining upon their door in an almost ethereal way, as if imploring him to walk inside. So he walked up to its front, gripping the handle and slowly swinging the door open.

Oddly, the apartment was rather dark. The main room was illuminated by the shining sun glowing through glass windows and front door, but further in, the bedroom was shrouded in darkness. He could make out the blinds covering the bedroom’s window, offering an explanation for why it was so dim. Not to mention, Kokichi was nowhere to be seen.

Was he sleeping? At eleven in the morning? Sure, he was no early bird. But by then, Kokichi would certainly be up. But he was not in the kitchen, not in the living room. No light was coming from under the bathroom door. He must be in the bedroom.

He walked into the apartment, shutting the door behind him. He felt as if its creaking was far louder than ever, an uncomfortable feeling he could hardly describe stirring in his stomach.

“’Kichi..?”

He got no response.

He entered the bedroom, hardly able to see even with the faint light from the main room’s windows. From where he squinted, he saw no lump in the bed. So he wasn’t there? Where was he…

“Kokichi?”

He flicked on the light. He was right, there was no body in the bed, but there was a body on the floor. Still, unmoving… Face buried in the carpet. Still, unmoving… It was-

“KOKICHI!”

He sprinted to Kokichi’s side without thinking, gripping the pale hand and checking for a pulse. He could hear his own heartbeat throbbing in his ears, his body drenched in cold ice. The pamphlets, the bag, thrown across the room without thought. All he cared about then was lying on the floor, and he could not even tell if he was alive.

He did not breathe. Did not breathe until he felt Kokichi’s heartbeat within his wrist. He gulped in the air he had kept from his lungs, but feeling it did little to stop the panic twisting in his chest. He shifted himself off his knees, leaning on the frame of the bed as he pulled Kokichi into his lap.

With him in his arms, he finally got a good look of his face. It was pale, so pale he felt as if he’d blend in with snow. His mouth hung open, features as limp as his body.

And with him in his arms, he finally felt the true extent of his form. He could feel bones jagging from his arms, from his waist, from his neck. He could see his collarbone through the sleeve that had draped off his shoulder, only sending a wave of nausea throughout his body. And it felt so, so cold, like life was already fleeting from his body.

He was shaking his lover, calling out his name over and over. Heat built up under his eyes until tears were falling shortly, flowing onto Kokichi like a steady stream. Logic finally hit him as he scrambled for the phone in his pocket, stabbing the emergency number into it and lifting it up to his ear.

An operator had picked up a second later. He explained everything the best he could through his tears: where he was, how he found Kokichi, his symptoms, his state. Anything that he thought would help him get an answer.

But he did not get an answer, no. All he got was assurance from that operator that paramedics were on their way, and he just needed to stay with Kokichi, try to get him to wake up, act if he stopped breathing, and wait. Wait, wait, hearing wait felt like an insult. He was expected just to wait? After walking in on this? But he spat out gratitude and hung up the phone, forcing himself to bare his teeth and wait.

He practically threw his phone away, pulling Kokichi as close as possible in the tightest hug he could manage. He was still shaking him, still calling,

“’K-kichi… K-Kokichi… W-wake u-up… K-kokichi!”

No answer, no reason, nothing. Just waiting and praying, as if that would do something. Where had his excitement gone? His Joy? His bright, beautiful morning? His day spent with his lover? It felt like a fleeting thought, even as he bore it just moments ago, or maybe it was seconds, or maybe it was hours. Time had practically stopped in his panic, between his shaking, gasping breaths and trembling skin,

“K-kichi… K-Kokichi…”

He ran a hand through his hair, staring at the blurry image of Kokichi’s sleeping expression. He looked peaceful, so content, not even in any pain. But his body was cold, and no matter what he did, how loud he screamed or how hard he shook. He would not wake up.

Seconds, minutes, hours. How long had it been? He certainly was not measuring the time, not counting the moments up until sirens approached on the horizon, not counting the moments up until he saw red lights flashing outside the windows. He paid it all no mind, refusing to leave his lovers side.

And yet the moments he had failed to count were robbed from him as his failure to lock the door led to it being thrown open, led to men and women adorned in white running to his side.

He hardly remembered any of it. Any of the questions, any of the Take a breath, sir. It’s going to be alright. Any of the come now, breathe with me. Any of the pointless reaching out as they pulled Kokichi onto the stretcher, and slowly wheeled him away. He was left alone with a woman, helping him breathe, as if he was the one who needed it.

The woman helped him gain some semblance of calmness. He followed her advice until his breathing had somewhat stabilized, and he could finally hear the sirens past the ringing of his own ears, could finally process the words she was saying.

“Are you here with me, sir?”

“…Y-yeah…” Shuichi choked out, voice hoarse against his own screaming and crying.

He saw her hand outstretched to him, and took it without question. Where they were going, what they were doing, he hardly cared to think about. Where was Kokichi going? What was Kokichi doing? That was all that was on his mind. He needed to know, needed to be there. Needed to see his big, bright smile or maybe even that subtle, sweet one. Needed to feel him back in his arms, but with the knowledge he would wake up once more. As it stood right then, he had no clue what had happened, not the slightest idea what was wrong, and not the slightest bit of mind to deduce it.

He just needed to know he was safe.

And he was still waiting to know hours later, after sitting in that white, hospital waiting room for far, far too long. Pacing around, or perhaps sitting with a fast bouncing leg. He felt as if a thousand eyes were staring at him, watching him panic so publicly, but his own fear- his own nerves, were hardly in his hindsight. There were times he was crying silently into his hand, times he was drinking water to clear up the fog of his mind. Just hours of wondering where their blessed morning had gone, if Kokichi would be there for another, and what caused such an incident in the first place.

He had half a mind to call someone, but knowing so little about what was happening, what was he supposed to say? Fainting could be caused by a plethora of causes, as could coldness and paleness. There was no one condition to pin such common symptoms to. All he could do was sit in one of those scratchy blue chairs or pace around the bland white floors until someone just told him what was happening already-

“Is there a Shuichi Saihara out here?”

Shuichi could not think of a time he stood up faster, eyes jumping over to the woman of a clean black bob and gentle brown eyes clutching a clipboard to her chest, so petite in her statue she hardly fit the uniform.

“Y-yes I’m here!”

The woman’s eyes tracked over to him, and she nodded, “Ouma~kun said if someone was out here waiting for him, it would be you.”

Shuichi felt his heart soar into the sky, “He-he’s conscience?”

She nodded once more, “And stable. You may come see him if you like, and I’ll walk you through our diagnosis.”

Shuichi buried his face in his hands, finally free from the panic, finally able to breathe, “Thank Atua… oh thank Atua…”

He pulled himself together, wiping away tears of relief and following the nurse down the hall. Emergency care facilities always frightened him, the idea of patients dying behind each door he passed, but his mind was so focused on Kokichi, he hardly felt any fear at all.

The nurse pushed opened a door, prompting Shuichi to enter. He shoved himself into the white room. A desk on one side, machines lining the walls, and a bed familiar to most hospitals in the center. There, upon the mattress, Kokichi was propped up on pillows. An IV was embedded in his arm. His pajamas replaced with a hospital gown, and features so tired he hardly looked awake. His skin was still a pale white, but the bags under his eyes were even more prominent than before. He figured it would be like that, with the sun already setting the amount of stress he endured over so many hours was enough to wipe Shuichi out, he could imagine Kokichi was even more tired.

He could not keep himself from running up to his side. Taking his face in his hands. Even as tired as Kokichi looked, he was smiling.

He kissed that sorry smile, stray tears falling onto Kokichi’s cheeks from his own watering eyes. Kokichi opened his mouth to speak, but Shuichi beat him to it.

“You had me worried sick!” Shuichi cried out, tucking his arms gently around Kokichi to try not to disturb any of the equipment around him or his boyfriend’s fragile state, “Please tell me you’re okay…”

“I’m fine…” His voice was even scratchier than Shuichi’s, barely whispered through his lips, “Just tired…”

“Th-that’s you’re worst lie ever…” Shuichi sobbed, fruitlessly wiping at his own tears.

“He’s severely malnourished.” The nurse spoke up, “And severely underweight. We’re providing nutrients to him currently.”

Shuichi’s eyes met the nurse’s, wide and full of disbelief, “M-malnourished...?”

“Yes.” The nurse continued, “The lack of seemed to lead to a fainting spell, though the doctor predicted this wasn’t his first of the day. Its likely he’s been fainting on and off for at least a day now.”

He could feel Kokichi flinch in his arms as everything finally clicked.

Of course…

There was never a real name for it, back in high school, but he said his doctor was comparing it to anorexia. Those weeks were some of the most horrifying of Shuichi’s life. Learning what his boyfriend was suffering through, trying his best to help him heal. And he had. Only two months after being admitted into therapy, Kokichi was back to his usual weight and they claimed that he was cured. Kokichi had admitted to fighting it before, earning Shuichi a rather depressing story from D.I.C.E when he had asked them about it. Whatever it was, that mysterious illness that had him swearing off food, it had been long forgotten in the three years since his last episode. Long forgotten… enough to where he did not even recognize the signs.

And he blamed himself entirely for it.

But he still look at Kokichi with an unfettered anger in his eyes, an anger as he realized just what his boyfriend had been hiding from him. The room was encompassed with a tense silence. The nurse clearly sensing something was amiss, and a guilty stare directed at the floor from Kokichi showing he knew Shuichi had figured it out.

“Could you give us a second, Ma’am?” Shuichi asked, though his gaze never left Kokichi, “I just need to talk to him.”

If the nurse nodded, he could not see it, but he heard the door opening and shutting a moment later.

“Shuichi-“

“Don’t even start.” Shuichi snapped, glaring down his bedridden lover, “You knew what was happening. You knew and you were hiding it.”

Kokichi bit his lip, eyes filled with fear and guilt and just a swarm of pain and agony. Shuichi’s just fell into pity, sorrow, and despair.

“Its not what you think…” Kokichi whispered, and finally Shuichi could see just how thin his boyfriend had become. How had he not noticed before? How had he not seen him not eating? Seen him getting thinner?

Oh that stupid case…

“That night…” But it all made sense now, every last bit of it, “That night you were cold… that night you looked sick. That night you threw away the soup and that night the restaurant’s dinner just disappeared.”

“Shuichi…”

His grip was tight on Kokichi, his eyes bleeding into violet iris’, “All the time you were so tired, all the time you looked so weak. It was all- ALL OF IT-“

A sob.

He stopped himself from speaking, sat upon the thin, white mattress, watching his boyfriend tremble, watching his boyfriend cry. He was whimpering, furiously swiping at tears that just wouldn’t leave him alone. And tried as he might to keep it, he slowly broke down, more and more.

It broke Shuichi’s heart.

He wrapped his arms around his lover, letting him cry into his chest. The boy, so usually full of life, looked small and weak, like a glass that would shatter with the smallest touch, like a glass that was shattering in front of his eyes, or maybe a glass that had already shattered long before, and only now was he seeing the pieces that had been swept under the rug.

His guilt was eating at him. How had he let it get so far? To have to listen to a heart monitor, to see his precious boyfriend in that sad, blue gown. He wanted nothing more than to fix him, glue the pieces back together, make it all okay.

“Kokichi…”

He could not stop his own tears, falling on top of Kokichi’s head, could not stop his grip from tightening as Kokichi cried,

“I-I’m s-s-sorry… I-I d-didn’t- I-I’m s-s-so s-sorry…”

He gasped between every breath, he sobbed between ever word, and all Shuichi could do was hug him, “Hey… its okay… you don’t need to apologize for anything, okay? You should’ve told me, Kimchi. You just should’ve told me. We could’ve made it all better a long time ago.”

Kokichi just cried harder, buried his face further in Shuichi’s chest.

He continued, “But you’re going to be okay now, okay? There’s nothing to be sorry about. I won’t let it hurt you anymore.”

And even if he could not explain what caused it, could not even fathom an explanation. He swore he would fix it, make up for his mistake of letting it get so far in the first place. Letting Kokichi end up in such a place, end up crying so many tears.

He would do anything, anything to fix it.

Who knows how long it was before the nurse entered the room again, but no light was coming from the darkness of windows. She took in the scene in front of her. Shuichi was sitting upon the bed, Kokichi rested on his chest. She heard nothing but deep breaths from the shorter, and upon peeking her head around, she saw him fast asleep.

Shuichi was trying his best to stay calm, breathing deeply and rubbing his lover’s back, grimacing against the feeling of his spine so prominent. He knew she was there however, and spoke with as little quiver in his voice as possible.

“H-how long until he can be released?”

The nurse lowered her clipboard to her knees, walking around to the side of the bed to better meet Shuichi’s eyes, “Luckily, he wasn’t as far gone as he could have been. He’s malnourished, but he doesn’t need to go through a refeeding process, so physically he is cleared to be released.” He brought the clipboard back up to her chest, a serious look in her eyes, “However, the doctor heavily recommended he receive psychological treatment for the issue. There’s no physical cause so the only possibly explanation is he stopped eating on his own accord.”

“I know.” Shuichi sighed, shushing Kokichi when he whined in his sleep, “But were not from around here… I’m just here on a business trip and Koki- Ouma~kun came down with me.”

“We can offer you local options.” The nurse offered, “And get you set up while you’re still down here.”

Shuichi smiled, the first of a long time, “Thank you, I appreciate it, but he’s experienced it before. I can set it up myself.”

The nurse nodded, and approached Kokichi slowly. Shuichi understood her silent request, allowing her to lean Kokichi back against the pillows and start checking him over in an assessment, “You could take him after some paperwork. But it would be much easier to discharge him the next morning. We’ll keep him on the IV throughout the night.”

“I-it would be helpful…” Shuichi admitted. As much as he wanted Kokichi in his arms sleeping back in their apartment, he was far too tired to carry him all the way out, especially when he would have to carry him to the car he had driven there in anyway.

“Then I’ll give you two a bit more alone time while I prepare some paperwork.” She smiled at Shuichi, finishing up her tasks and promptly leaving the room, not even giving Shuichi the time to thank her. He sighed once more, looking at his boyfriend’s sleeping state.

He was tired- so tired, and to be honest all he wanted was to sleep with him. But there was no time for that yet, no. There was so much work to be done.

He would let Kokichi sleep though, sleep all the way until the sun rose the next morning.

He certainly needed it.

The first thing Kokichi noticed when he awoke is that it was dark, so dark, his eyes needed to adjust to see anything. He managed to make out blackout blinds over the window, opting up an explanation for the dim lighting. He could hear the steady sound of a heart monitor, feel a sharp pain in his arm differing from the pains across the rest of his sore, weak body. He was still in the hospital then, but the covered window screwed with his sense of time. He could not tell if it was day or night, the same day or next.

Furthermore, he seemed to be alone. Shuichi was nowhere to be seen, neither was a nurse or doctor. He did not know what to do with the information. Frankly, he was tempted to just lay back down and try to sleep off the pain riddling his body, even though he knew sleep would do nothing to stop it.

He did not get a chance, however, as the door slowly started to open. His senses were on high alert, but stopped when he saw the familiar gait of his boyfriend walking towards him. He seemed surprised to see him awake, but gave that adorable soft smile Kokichi melted over.

“Oh, you’re awake.”

Kokichi wanted to lie, but he was so tired it was all he could do to rub some sleep from his eyes, “What time is it..?”

“It’s a little past 7 in the morning,” Shuichi explained, sitting down next to his lover and intertwining their fingers, “The nurse said she would come and get you off the equipment in a little bit. Then we could go back to the apartment, that okay?”

Kokichi bit the inside of his cheek. It felt eerie, the way Shuichi was ignoring the blatant problem of why he was there. He certainly hadn’t the last time Kokichi was plagued by his own memories. He wanted to speak up about it, but it was the last thing he wanted to talk about. Confused by his own wishes, he simply nodded, unable to meet Shuichi’s eyes under the tense feeling of foreboding. They would have to talk eventually. It was not like the hospital did anything to actually treat him. He knew if someone brought him a plate of food, he would not be able to stomach eating it. The very thought was already making him queasy.

“I brought a book from the apartment,” Shuichi revealed, his voice as gentle as his eyes. He must have gone back to the apartment during the night then, “Want me to read to you ‘till she has you ready?”

This he was certain of, he nodded. Shuichi still spoke of nothing, just letting Kokichi rest against him as he mindlessly read out something Kokichi could hardly pay attention to. All he cared about was hearing Shuichi’s voice, loving and calm, a stark contrast to his war of thoughts.

At one point, the nurse came in, greeted them both quickly before getting to work removing different electrodes and needles he had been taped up to. Shuichi read on, distracting him from the unnerving sensations until they had passed. He only stopped when another nurse brought a wheelchair through their door, promoting Shuichi to set the book in his bag and take Kokichi’s hand once more.

“You ready to go?”

Kokichi had to blink back against the suddenness of the proceedings, eyes jumping between the two nurses and Shuichi, all staring at him expectedly. It weighed his chest down in pressure. Contrary to how he acted, he always hated being the center of attention, especially when that attention was filled with pity.

He nodded once more, and let the brunette, male nurse help him into the wheelchair. He stumbled the moment he was on his legs, feeling like nothing more than thin sticks under the weight of his body. Shuichi jumped up to his aid, slipping an arm under his waist and helping him to chair. He thought it was a bit dramatic, this whole hospital visit and all. He had only gone a week or so without eating, he had gone longer.

He would have argued that verbally, but he knew what fit of rage from Shuichi it would incite. “I’m fine” was never enough for his boyfriend, the way it was enough for most. Perhaps it was something to love about him, but at the moment it was creating quite the problem. He could not look into the eyes of the man wheeling him down the hall, unable to give an excuse that did not make him look more pathetic than he already did, and he hated looking pathetic.

Screw his stupid body, unable to go a mere week without food. Screw the world’s stupid timing. Of course Shuichi had to come home during one of those recurring fainting spells, after he was doing so well to hide them. And screw his stupid mind, forcing him to tremble at the thought of eating, at the thought of the eyes imploring him to just eat it already.

Luckily he noticed tears had begun to fall before Shuichi, allowing him to silently wipe them away before the bluenette noticed. He could hardly stand that bold faced truth so obvious on his face, features and body. It was terrifying, so he forced one of those plastic smiles on lips, forced his legs to swing back and force childishly, even as they trembled from weakness.

“You know you haven’t even said good morning to me, Shumai!” he was proud of the mirthful lilt in his voice. It sounded so genuine, “What kind of boyfriend doesn’t even say good morning, hm?”

“Sorry,” Shuichi hummed, smiling sweetly from his place behind him, “How has your morning been, ‘Kichi?”

“Oh just terrible!” Kokichi huffed dramatically, an obvious tease at his tone, “But that’s a lie!”

“Is it?”

And in an instant, his mask has fallen, a blank stare at the floor in front of him. Perhaps a two-walled lie had not been the best approach there. Typical of him, to mess up so badly when he was panicking to make himself look content. He should’ve just gone for the simple one wall…

“Do you need help getting in?”

Kokichi’s eyes snapped up, realizing they had left the hospital and were sitting right outside the car Shuichi had rented. He saw Shuichi in front of him, crouching to meet his eyes, and pulled that faux smile back up as fast as he could.

“Of course not! I’m perfectly capable of entering a car!”

And so Shuichi took his hands and helped him to his feet, practically lifting him as he helped him into the passenger side and buckled him into it.

Kokichi pouted. Damn that Shuichi. It was usually warmed him so much to see Shuichi easily see through his lies, but then it was just becoming annoying, crumbling his already fragile walls further into the abyss.

But he would not lose it, no. The last thing he wanted was to ruin Shuichi’s mood. He was working an important case after all. How was he supposed to find a killer if he was worried about his stupid boyfriend's stupid trauma.

Shuichi was driving them back minutes later, only the soft sound of the radio to cover the silence. Kokichi was scanning Shuichi for any sign of worry, anger, or sadness. But he saw nothing, only calmness behind his gentle humming of the radio’s rhythm. It was the most unnerving thing he could be, though. There was just no way his anxious, panicky boyfriend was taking the situation so well. Maybe he was trying to keep Kokichi calm, so he was being calm himself? If that was his plan it certainly was not working. His own horrific memories were less frightening than the expectation of Shuichi’s façade falling.

But he did not speak nor panic all the way back to the apartment. Just parked where always did and came to help Kokichi out of the car. He had a hand wrapped around Kokichi’s waist up all the stairs, going slowly to make sure his lover did not trip or stumble. Despite how tense his boyfriend was making him feel, Kokichi gushed over how careful he was being. How did he manage to earn the love of someone so caring, so perfect? How did he manage to earn a love he never deserved to?

Shuichi opened the door to the apartment, ushering him to enter, and his eyes went wide at the sight. The apartment was hardly filled to begin with, but now, it was bare, five or six cardboard boxes packaged up on the floor. He stared at them in shock, leaning back on Shuichi as wide eyes tracked up to his.

“We’re changing locations..?” Kokichi asked. Shuichi just smiled, moving Kokichi over to sit at the table as he picked up one of the boxes.

“We’re going home.”

Somehow, Kokichi’s eyes widened further, “Home? Like- not on the business trip anymore home?”

“What else would I be talking about, silly?” Shuichi said with a roll of his eyes, moving towards the door with the box, “Just let me get these in the car and we’ll start on ba-“

“Why?”

Shuichi stopped, turning back to look at him, “Why?”

Kokichi pursed his lips, “Did you- really finish the case that quickly?”

Shuichi sighed, “Kokichi…” He set down the box, walking over to his lover and sitting himself on the table as well, taking a hand in his, “You’re- not stable enough to be here. We’re heading home… to get you treatment.”

Ah, so now they were talking about.

Kokichi felt his throat start to dry, like it was being stuffed full of cotton, his eyes darted to the floor, guilt pooling in his stomach, “But your case…”

“I already told Kyoko,” Shuichi explained, thumbing through Kokichi’s hair, “She understands. Besides, she’s the Ultimate Investigator. I have no doubt she’ll catch whoever did this.”

He felt heat pooling in his eyes. No- no- it was too early to start crying, but the dreadful feeling of guilt blended with the constant weakness and pain made him so sensitive, he could hardly stop tears from dribbling down and his breath from starting to hiccup.

Shuichi scooted himself closer, taking Kokichi into his embrace, “Don’t cry Kimchi… its okay.”

“I-“ he hiccuped, “I don’t want y-you to leave b-because of me… let- let me go alone, I’ll-“

“Not happening.” His voice was full of conviction, even as he held him so tenderly, “The last thing I’m doing is leaving you alone again.”

He bit his lip, “I-I’ll go s-stay with D.I.C.E…”

“I want to be there,” Shuichi admitted, rubbing the back of his boyfriends head, “To help you heal. I should never had let it get this bad in the first place I-“ he leaned back, letting Kokichi see his own tears, “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry for not noticing.”

“No, no its not your fault.” Kokichi said breathlessly, “Shu its not- its not your fault… Its-“

“Not yours either,” Shuichi corrected him before he could finish speaking, “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m taking you home, and that’s that.”

“No…” It was all he could cry, burying his face into Shuichi’s chest, “No- no…”

And Shuichi just held him as he drowned in his guilt. He had ruined it. Ruined it all- just like always, and just like always it choked him out in pain and anguish. Guilty for ruining his trip, guilty for crying all over his boyfriend, and guilty for being guilty, but in Shuichi’s arms, the cold tentacles of his past and present worries glided farther and farther away, horrid feelings started evaporating within such a comforting embrace. Sobs grew silent and he felt the shadows eating at the back of his mind flutter into nothingness.

Where the silence emerged so did it break with Shuichi’s voice, “How about we get you something to eat, something small, while I finish packing the car?”

He shook his head, and spent a few- tense seconds in silence, before nodding instead. He would stomach it, try to at least, and with Shuichi there, surely it would be bearable.

And even with eyes surrounded by the darkness of his face pressed against his lover’s chest, he could still feel his smile.

“Lets get you to the car.”

No matter what he was feeling, no matter what memories screamed or what ghostly figures dug nails into his waist. He would find a way to feel safe, find a way to heal.

With Shuichi.

How long had it been then, weeks? Months? How long had it been since he had last stood on that scale. It was only a few minutes after they had returned home, before Shuichi even unpacked a single thing, he made Kokichi show him how much he weighed. Well the whole ordeal had caused another fit of sobs from both the boys, from pity and guilt alike, and only sped up the process to find Kokichi help.

How long had it been since he had gotten that help? Weeks? Months? Well it was an immeasurable help nonetheless, just like it had been the last times. Sure, Shuichi by his side was a comfort like no other, but healing from the pain of his past was not something so easily cured with hugs and kisses. True, proper therapy every week, sometimes multiple times a week, was the only way he would ever learn to heal. And with help from both sides, standing on that scale looked so much brighter than before. Seeing the number so low had been terrifying, but weeks- maybe months later, he finally saw his normal weight once more.

And when he stood upon the scale, the number glowing bright, two warm arms wrapped around his torso, squeezing him from behind.

“I told you it would be okay.”

And when he sobbed it was not from guilt, not from pain, but from the pure relief of feeling safe, feeling happy once more. Maybe it took long hours of therapy, and a rather grand sacrifice from Shuichi (though Kokichi was informed the moment Kyoko had solved the case just to reassure him Shuichi’s leave had not been devastating) he finally felt as if he could breathe without hands wrapped around his stomach.

With that sacrifice, he had found his cure.

“Thank you, Shuichi.”