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The first time Shuichi was concerned with boyfriend's odd behavior, It had only been two weeks since they moved in with each other, so it wasn’t as if he wasn’t expecting to learn new things, he just wanted to know them, rather than decipher them himself. Then again, they had already been dating for a year, so it couldn’t be that big of a secret right?
“Shuuu! I'm booored!”
Shuichi huffed dramatically and glared at his shorter boyfriend. As usual, an insufferable little demon, “We just started watching ‘Kichi, we're not even ten minutes into the movie.”
Kokichi sneered and stuck his tongue out at the TV, “Yeah and I hate it! Its boooring!” He kicked his feet childishly, but Shuichi didn’t fail to notice him averting his gaze from the screen with a film of discomfort glazing over his puppy eyes.
None of this was unusual, just unexplainable. Then again, so was Kokichi. It never felt right, never like the truth. Well how could it, coming from a liar, “What’s wrong with it?”
“A supreme leader doesn’t need a reason!” Kokichi declared, pursing his lips in the way Shuichi recognized as to show a lie of omission. He had started picking up the broken puzzle pieces Kokichi left him to put together. If only they connected…
Shuichi placed the remote on the glass coffee table and left the movie paused, scooting closer to his cross-armed lover to flick him on the nose, “Never said you did, but you’re the one who suggested we watch it.”
Kokichi swatted his hand away with puffed cheeks and picked the remote up, once again shifting his eyes away from the screen as he clicked off the drama, “And I changed my mind! Help me pick a new one!”
Shuichi quickly took in what was on the screen to try and discover what was bothering his lover before he could remove the image, yet nothing about it seemed unusual. The blonde protagonist was cuddling her cute little calico, talking to another blonde in the shot. His time to investigate was stolen from him as Kokichi put the screen back to its homepage.
As he helped Kokichi pick out a new movie, he hoped it wouldn’t take too much effort and time to decipher that mystery.
It would.
~♡~
The second time Shuichi noticed was even weirder, even more unexpected, but just as concerning. Despite this, it started with them merely walking down the street, hand in hand as the shorter hummed happily.
“Shu! Shu! Let’s go in that one!”
Kokichi used the hand currently not clasped in Shuichi’s to point at a shop of trinkets bouncing his arm up and down for a bit of extra flare,
Shuichi rolled his eyes, “Do you even know what they sell?”
“Of course not!” Kokichi exclaimed, insisting with the intensity of his eyes, “That’s the fun of little stores Shumai! You never know what they sell ‘till you go in!”
Shuichi wished he could use the excuse that they had come specifically for something, and had to stay on track, but in reality, Kokichi just dragged him out of the house, pleading that they went around town to celebrate six months of living together. Shuichi didn’t see that as much to celebrate, but he never could say no to the violette. Besides, he couldn’t lie, he would drop most activities for a date with Kokichi,
“Fine, but you're paying for whatever we find,” Shuichi teased with a knowing smile as he started walking them towards the entrance.
Kokichi played up his heart-shattered eyes to the extreme, “You're the one that works Shui!”
The jingle of the door's bell rung through the almost empty store as Shuichi placed a finger on his chin, “That is true. Well I guess that’s what I get for dating a housewife.”
“I am not a housewife you prick!”
“Oh then whose cooking tonight?”
Shuichi could barely hold back his laughter as the red flush of anger and embarrassment painted itself across his lover’s cheeks, fists swung in front of chest, “You're lucky I'm such a merciful leader! I should just let you starve on the streets!”
“Shame I paid for the house you clean,” Shuichi mocked with a smile.
“Shut uuup!”
Shuichi finally let himself laugh, turning to take in the store. It seemed to be cat themed: cups, jewelry, rugs, ornaments. It had quite the pleasant aesthetic to it,
“This is cute,” Shuichi admitted, turning to look at his boyfriend, “What do you-"
Shuichi stopped himself as he saw Kokichi’s expression, who had seemed to register the store around him, yet his lips were pressed in a tight line, eyes fading in and out of focus. His breath seemed to have caught in his throat, and Shuichi could swear his skin had paled in its pallor. He cocked an eyebrow at his lover before moving his hand up to squeeze his arm, “Hey-“
He didn’t get another word in; Kokichi turned on his heel and ran right back out the door.
Shuichi couldn’t even bring himself to call out with his heavy confusion, just raise his arm weakly in a pitiful attempt to stop him. He moved to run after him, but halted as a gentle woman lightly tapped on his arm, attire implying she worked the shop, “Is everything okay?”
Shuichi’s eyes darted between the door and the woman, “Oh, um, yeah, I think he's just… I don’t know.”
The woman nodded curtly, worry plaguing her eyes, but at the call of a name, she reluctantly left him alone. Shuichi took the chance to follow Kokichi out the door. Upon entering the mildly-busy street, he identified Kokichi just- standing in the middle of the sidewalk, arms holding each other close to his petite frame with his gaze seemingly locked on the floor,
“Kokichi what are you- hey why are you shaking?”
As Shuichi’s hand made contact with Kokichi’s skin, he felt it trembling under his grasp, bringing concern to write itself over his face. Kokichi snapped his head up, eyes wide and spacey, before pulling his lips into a puppeted smile,
“Hm? Silly Shu I'm just so excited about today! Hey hey, wanna to get something to eat, I'm staaarving!”
Shuichi retracted his hand as his mind tried to keep up with Kokichi’s rapidly changing behaviors, “What? I mean yeah but-“
“Yay! Marisol's is only like a block away! Let’s go there!” he wriggled out of Shuichi’s hand before sprinting down the street, “Last one there's a flat can of Panta!”
“Kichi~Ko…” Shuichi grumbled, letting the anxiety pool in his stomach as he ran after him, adding another piece to his splintered mind puzzle.
~♡~
Shuichi couldn’t understand, couldn’t explain it. None of the pieces seemed to fit. No matter how many times it happened, there was just no connection. At this point, he was begging for an answer. Despite his internal struggle, he smiled, silently observing his group of friends chat away at their respected lunch table. He leaned himself on his palm, using his silver fork to play with his salad. Kaito seemed to be telling a story he personally had no interest in, Kaede and Maki quipping in every so often. His eyes tracked over to Kokichi, sitting beside him, who took every chance to tease Kaito with that cheeky little grin of his,
“Geez, if you wanted her to go away, you should’ve just started talking! No one wants to listen to your annoying voice for longer than they have to!” Kokichi responded to Kaito.
“Yeah no one wants to hear yours either,” Kaito grumbled, “So shut up!”
“Oooh~” Kokichi intertwined his fingers and leaned his chin on the bridge it created, eyes sparkling innocently at Kaito, “So scary~ I might just cry…”
“Don’t you dare,” Maki snapped with a cold glare.
“Hey Kaede,” Shuichi interrupted, trying to break up the argument, “How's your new kitten doing?”
Kokichi’s body immediately stilled, Shuichi only barely catching sight before Kaede clapped her hands together, squealing, “Oh! She's doing amazing! She doesn’t miss her mother that much anymore, but she's so cuuute~”
Even Maki couldn’t help but smile at Kaede’s excitement, yet Kokichi’s lips stayed firmly pressed together in a line, staring intently at the table, “She just has the cutest little button nose! And her fur's such a pretty black! She's so soft and silky and her paws are so tiny…”
Shuichi stopped listening, too focused on worrying over his boyfriend. He placed his hand over Kokichi’s, which had fallen onto the table and tightened into fists. Kokichi shot a glance at him, and Shuichi used his eyes to ask his silent question,
Are you okay?
Kokichi just nodded, twitching the corners of his mouth into a smile,
“Wanna see a picture?”
Kokichi’s mask shattered, head whipping over with fear-filled eyes, yet he stayed silent. He quickly shot his gaze to the floor as Kaede pulled out her phone. Shuichi took his eyes off Kokichi to look at the picture,
“Awe,” he said, “She's adorable.”
Kaede nodded and moved the phone over to Kaito and Maki, “Just look at her little beady eyes!” she gushed.
The smallest smile cracked Maki's lips, “What's her name?”
“I still need to choose!” Kaede exclaimed, trying to show the phone to Kokichi, but Kokichi refused to look at the screen, just silently staring down.
“Kokichi!” Kaede complained, shaking the phone up and down and she jumped in her seat, “Look! Look! Don’t you love her?”
“Stop…” Kokichi whispered, clenching his jaw
“What? Don’t you wanna see-"
“I SAID STOP!”
Kokichi smacked the phone onto the floor, eyes shut tightly and face scrunched up. He didn’t wait for anyone to respond; he kicked his legs over his seat and sprinted out of the cafeteria, other students turning to watch in confusion or curiosity.
Shuichi turned back to Kaede, who has grabbed her phone and was clutching it to her chest in shock, Maki and Kaito sat in silent shock, eyes wide,
“Did my comment affect him that much?” Kaito finally spoke, breaking through the tension and scratching the back of his neck in nervousness.
Shuichi shook his head, “I doubt it. I’ll- I’ll go check on him…”
Kaede nodded as Shuichi exited his seat, bowing to them slightly before running out the Cafeteria entrance. He looked around and spotted Kokichi sitting in the corner of the room, leaning against the wall with an arm on his chest. As he approached him, he noticed the heavy breaths that’s heaved Kokichi's chest, and the fuzzy focus of his sporadically-moving eyes,
“Hey Kimchi,” Shuichi’s voice was hushed and gentle, approaching Kokichi with cautious steps, “What's wrong? You feeling okay?”
Kokichi locked eyes with his lover, attempting to curve his mouth into a smile but struggling as it faltered over and over, “O-of course…” his voice was breathless and full of sharp gasps, tone reflecting that of someone who had been punched in the chest, “I-I feel a-amazing! Supreme lead-leaders always-" he brought his hands up to bury his face in as his breath grew more unsteady, discomforted whines breaking through the worrying breaths. Shuichi noticed him beginning to slide himself down the wall, and grabbed his arms to help guide him to the floor, lowering himself down into a kneeling positing, “Take it easy Kichi~Ko,” Shuichi whispered, rubbing his arms comfortingly. Confusion and worry bubbled in his throat, but he held off expressing them so he could help his lover. He clasped Kokichi’s hand and started slowly pulling them away from his face. Kokichi looked up at him with eyes glassy from the beginning of tears, his complexion tinted a sickly green,
He gasped at sight, “Are you going to throw up?”
Kokichi accentuated his inhale, slipping his eyes shut as he nodded his head; he found telling the truth to be much easier through motions rather than words. Shuichi responded by slipping his arms across Kokichi’s waist and pulling him carefully up to his feet. Kokichi had to lean his entire body weight on Shuichi, but managed to stand on shaking legs, gripping onto him as tightly as his lethargic muscles could manage. He let out a long whine as Shuichi started moving them words the bathroom, keeping his eyes on his pallor lover for any signs to stop, yet with careful procedure and reassuring whispers, he got Kokichi into a bathroom stall.
Kokichi lowered himself onto the floor with assistance from Shuichi, and rested his head on the rim of the toilet in his crossed arms, hiding his pain-ridden face quite effectively,
“Kichi~Ko,” Shuichi started, placing a comforting hand on Kokichi’s back, “What happened? Why did this start?”
Kokichi shifted his head to meet his tired eyes to Shuichi’s, “I-" his eyes shot open as he clamped both of his hand over his mouth, shaking only increasing.
Shuichi didn’t buy it, crossing his arms with a huff, “Oh no you don’t, you are not faking a sudden surge of sickness to get out of this-"
He was interrupted by Kokichi hurling himself onto his knees, face over the toilet bowl as bile flooded from his mouth, chest constricting with the horrible pulses of sick. His clammy hand blindly searched for Shuichi’s, finding it and gripping it tightly through his emetic’s dispersal. Shuichi squeezed back in sympathy, the emotion meeting his sorrow-filled eyes and frowned lips. He knew how much Kokichi despised the disgusting sludge that was currently causing him pitiful whines of discomfort, and the nausea that usually came with it. He took his free hand up to squeeze Kokichi’s shoulder, kissing the back of his head tenderly,
“Or not. It's okay love, you'll be okay,” he comforted the violette until the wave faded, leaving Kokichi far more calm and stable. He took a few breaths to make sure he was okay before fluttering his eyes shut and falling gently back into Shuichi’s arms, cuddling into his warmth. Shuichi wrapped his arms around him, frowning down at his calmed boyfriend,
“Okay Kichi~chi?” Shuichi asked, bring up one hand to stroke Kokichi’s hair.
Kokichi nodded in response, “M' okay now, that's the truth.” He spoke in a hushed tone, eyes never so much as peeking open.
“And what was wrong?” Shuichi persisted, refusing to give up his investigation.
Kokichi grumbled at his stubbornness, “Obviously a rival gang poisoned my lunch to try to kill me!” he chirped, “Unfortunately for them I’m immune to almost all poisons!”
“Something tells me that’s a lie,” Shuichi started playing with Kokichi’s hair once again, “Please tell me what’s wrong? You know I can’t help if you don’t.”
Kokichi shifted his body to look up at Shuichi, snuggling into his shoulder, “I'm fine Shushi Roll. I just think the lunch didn’t sit well with my stomach. I feel totally better now.”
Shuichi knew Kokichi was lying. He knew it wasn’t that simple, but he didn’t want to pry when Kokichi was still recovering, deciding to just incorporate the evidence into the file in his mind, and deduce the mystery at a later date, as much as having to wait bothered him,
“Do you want to go home?” Shuichi prodded lightly.
Kokichi shot his head off of Shuichi, “Nope!” he chirped with the usual sparkle in his eyes, smile ever so bright and cheery. How did he always manage to put on that mask so quickly and so efficiently?
Kokichi stood abruptly, brushing himself off, “We better use the last of our break time sparingly! I bet your entourage is sooo worried about you!”
Shuichi gave a teasing smile as he stood and grabbed Kokichi’s hand, “I bet their worried about you.”
Kokichi waved him off with his free hand as they exited the bathroom, “Psh, that's the biggest lie I've ever heard.”
Shuichi didn’t miss the way Kokichi’s cheeks now were tainted with the rosy shade of flustered blush. He leaned down to kiss the hued skin, “You know it isn’t.”
Kokichi’s blush became unable to be hidden as he sputtered for air, “Sh-shut up!”
Shuichi couldn’t help but laugh; he may be a mystery but he loved him with all his heart.
~♡~
It hurt so much, why would Kokichi keep secrets from him? And for so long? It had almost been a year now and no matter how many times he interrogated his lover, Kokichi just wouldn’t budge. His mouth was shut tight, and it broke Shuichi’s heart. He was about to give up, but maybe there was one chance left…
“Thanks for inviting us!” Shuichi called back into the parking lot,
“We had a terrible time!” Kokichi lied chirpily.
Kaito waved back at them while Shuichi watched him enter his car. He turned back to the barren sidewalk, bathed in the glow of the luminescent moon. He basked in the radiant sight of Kokichi in the ethereal light as they padded down the cooled concrete, love and adoration swelling in his chest. To him, Kokichi was more beautiful than any of the crystals that twinkled in the night sky,
“You seem distracted beloved~” Kokichi cooed, snuggling up to Shuichi with sparkling eyes as he intertwined their fingers. Absolutely adorable, “I bet you're being blown away by my beauty huh?”
Shuichi cocked his head innocently, “Hm? Oh I was just taking in the silence while it lasted,” he teased.
Kokichi’s eyes widened in genuine surprise before he puffed out his cheeks with a childish scowl, “Rude! Ya’ know I could have you killed for disrespecting my…” he interrupted himself with a yawn. He opted for leaning his face into Shuichi's arm instead,
“Someone sleepy? Hmm, Guess you don’t have as much stamina as you were bragging about a few hours ago, huh?” he said through a teasing smile.
“So meaaan…” Kokichi whined, building faux years in his eyes lazily, “I thought you loved meeee.”
“I did, didn’t I? How silly of me.”
“Shuttup,” Kokichi weakly elbowed him in the side as his lover snickered quietly, “You're becoming more like me everyday I-"
“Meow!”
Kokichi froze in place as the couple registered the soft mewl of a cat. Shuichi gave him a weird look before looking past him into the alleyway they had been passing, a shadowy figure starting to patter out.
“Awe,” Shuichi gushed, releasing Kokichi’s hand to approach it, “It's a stray,” he noted, kneeling down to comb his fingers through the silky fur of the black and grey feline, smile instinctually forming on his lips, “Hey cutie, want us to get you something to eat?”
The cat purred softly, rubbing its face against Shuichi’s palm as it pawed at the fabric of his sleeve. He giggled at the behavior before realizing Kokichi hadn’t joined him, and turned around with the teasing smile plastered back on, “What, are you jealous or something Ki-" he stopped, blood running cold.
He had never seen someone look so terrified.
His pupils rapidly dilated in his gaping eyes, completely unfocused as if blinded. His bottom lip quivered sporadically as the rest of his body trembled with an intensity Shuichi had never seen. His skin had paled to a complete white, sweat drenching down every inch of it, only accentuating the feverish blush that was spreading across his cheeks. Every muscle in his body was rigid as steel, frozen, tensed. His chest practically pulsated with the weight and speed of his breaths, getting faster, faster, faster, faster,
Shuichi stood, extending an arm out to his lover. As he did so, the stray started approaching Kokichi out of curiosity, immediately bringing Kokichi’s eyes back into a focus directly on the animal. With every step it took towards him, he took another back,
“No…”
His lungs grew tighter,
“N-no…”
The air got thinner,
“P-p-p-please…”
“’Kichi? Kokichi?”
He couldn’t see, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t take it. He was so scared.
The cat touched his leg.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
Shuichi couldn’t get another word in, Kokichi started screaming balistically, animalistic howling that startled the cat to run back into the alley. His hands gripped into his head, nails digging into his scalp until blood dripped down. His breath was too quick, no air was entering his lungs, the world was fuzzy, his throat was on fire. He was gonna die.
Shuichi couldn’t comprehend what was happening, but he didn’t need to. In almost instinct, he wrapped his arms comfortingly around Kokichi, squeezing his eyes shut as the screaming drilled itself into his ears. He felt himself become hot and his own breathing start to speed, if only slightly. Such a terrifying and confusing scene left him reeling from lack of information and terror. His detective mind couldn’t do anything, yet the love in him took over and he found himself restricting the thrashing and kicking from Kokichi, who tried to escape from his hold. It was evident Kokichi had a lost his sense of reality, and no longer knew where he was or who was around him. Shuichi just couldn’t take how terrified he looked, he didn’t think it was possible for something to look that horrified.
“KOKICHI!” Shuichi yelled over his screaming, before lowering his tone to a caring whisper, “Kokichi, hey, you need to breathe.” He started to choke on his own tears, but kept himself steady for his lover, “Take a breath please, you're safe I promise.” He didn’t know what was wrong, so how could he help? The thought plagued him but he would try with everything he had, reaching up to forcefully bury Kokichi’s head in his shoulder, feeling his screams vibrate through his entire body.
He started taking deep, large, breaths so Kokichi could feel them, perhaps calm him whilst encouraging him to do the same? He kneaded his fingers across Kokichi’s tense muscles in an attempt to loosen them and soothe him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. He tried not to rush but was desperate to calm the violette down, aware that he was not taking in enough oxygen to sustain himself, and could collapse any moment. Atua must have heard his prayer, because Kokichi started to get his bearings and breathe slow enough to get air into his lungs. Just barely, but enough,
“Yes, just like that, good job my darling,” he never raised his voice, never let it falter, he needed to stay perfectly calm or Kokichi would never be able to, “Blink love, can you blink your eyes?”
It was a miracle, but Kokichi heard him and started fluttering his eyelids through the heaves and sobs, tears from the dryness of his eyes falling with them.
“Just like that. Let’s slow our breathing down a bit more, breathe with me love.”
He gave Kokichi another moment, until he could pass his breaths off as hyperventilating rather than pulses,
“Mhm, you're doing amazing…” Shuichi slowly raised his hands up, and placed them on Kokichi’s as gently as he could. He started pulling softly, encouraging him to relinquish his grip on his head. He managed to pull Kokichi’s hand off, and he immediately wrapped them around Shuichi’s torso, squeezing onto his blue sweater.
He heard an unusual whine from Kokichi, one more drawn out and discomforted than the pain-ridden ones he was now accustom to. He looked up in curiosity, but it was too late.
Kokichi hurled waves of sick over Shuichi, choking his sobs temporarily. Shuichi cringed at the disgusting smell and feeling, but just continued to hold him, wave after wave. Kokichi burped and whimpered in pain while his body let him rest, tensing somehow even more than before he threw up,
“It’s okay, it’s all okay. Just let it out my love,” Shuichi reassured as Kokichi retched once again. He may not have really understood why he was throwing up, trying to remember if panic attacks caused nausea, but it didn’t change the endless comfort he was providing, nothing would.
Eventually, the episodes died out, and they just sat in the silence of the disturbed night, Shuichi shushing Kokichi’s screams and sobs until they dissolved into agonizing whimpers, yet it was enough; Kokichi was calming down. He wasn’t going to collapse, and that was good enough for Shuichi. He felt as if the sun could rise any moment, with how much time he had assumed had passed by the horrible aches in his legs. Kokichi continued to sob, now moved down to his chest, yet they sounded more tired than panicked. His grip on Shuichi had slacked, most likely from exhaustion. His breath was still unsteady, and he was still shuddering in fear, but Shuichi decided it was time to speak up louder than his hushed little comforts,
“Kichi~Ko,” Shuichi called gently, “I'm going to carry you home, okay?”
It took him a moment to respond, but eventually, Kokichi nodded against the fabric of Shuichi’s sweater.
“Do you want me to carry you on my back or in my arms?”
Kokichi tightened his grip on Shuichi’s back, who nodded and began to lift him on, being as careful and gentle as possible. He winced at the immense heat of Kokichi leaving his front, leaving him much more aware of the sticky sludge that ran down it, but he shook off the feeling to situate his boyfriend. The moment he was settled Kokichi buried his face in Shuichi’s shoulder, continuing to sob and whimper. Ignoring his horribly aching legs, and the dreadful weight under his eyes, he continued to walk down the road, mind completely set on getting Kokichi safe, comfortable, and home.
~♡~
The cozy atmosphere of their house dissipated any tension that might have been in the air, Shuichi holding Kokichi as close as possible on their long, blue couch overlooking the rest of the living room, hair still damp from their shared bath. Kokichi’s face was buried in Shuichi’s chest, arms still gripping tightly to his back. His sobs had past, yet sniffly tears and uneven breaths remained. Shuichi played with his hair with his other arm wrapped around his waist and a sad smile adorning his lips. He listened for the sound of the kettle, using deep breaths to try and soothe his lover.
Once his breath had evened out a little more, he decided it was finally time to make some progress, “Hey love, can you speak yet?”
He felt Kokichi give a deeper inhale then usually, before opting to look up at Shuichi rather than leave his grasp. Shuichi’s heart panged at his teary eyes and small pout as he shook in his hold,
“M-M-Mhm…”
Shuichi’s smiled lifted into something far more light, “Good job Kimchi. Just keep breathing for me, alright love?”
Kokichi squeaked as the kettle whistled, burying himself back into Shuichi’s chest with quicker air. Shuichi kissed the top of his head in comfort, before inching him off his lap and standing. Kokichi whined at the loss of his boyfriend, extending his arms towards him. Shuichi pulled a throw blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around him, planting a kiss on his nose before going to deal with the tea.
As he prepared the beverage, he let his mind wander. This behavior was farther from the usual than anything he had ever seen. Kokichi didn’t panic Kokichi didn’t cry, well at least real tears. Shuichi was always the one who had his worst anxieties leaving him hyperventilating on the floor, and Kokichi would always be his light in those darkened times, cuddling him and comforting him without his antics to ease his boyfriend’s heart. Its not that Shuichi wasn’t willing to the same, it’s just that he didn’t know why this was happening. Kokichi was the most confident person Shuichi knew, this wasn’t like him. He knew it had something to do with the puzzle he was putting together, all those weird events where Kokichi lost his usual presence with seemingly no reasoning. He knew the correlation, but what was the cause?
He made up his mind as soon as the teabag entered the cup. Tonight was the night he would solve this mystery. He would make Kokichi talk, no matter how much he didn’t want to. He was willing to do anything it took to help his boyfriend, to give him the comfort he deserves. He wanted Kokichi to trust him, even if he had to take steps against him to make it so.
He brought two teacups back to the living room, setting his own on the coffee table and the other in Kokichi’s hands. He smiled ever so slightly at the cup, which warmed Shuichi’s heart so much. Finally, a smile,
“N-nee-hee-hee,” Kokichi attempted to give his practiced laugh, but the shudders in his voice were quite the drawback, “A-all I have t-to do is cry and- and Sh-shushi roll will c-conform t-to my e-every need! Y-you're so gulli- gullible Shumai!”
Shuichi gave him an unimpressed look before sitting down next to him, grabbing his own teacup and bringing it to his lips. This was the Kokichi he knew, joking confidently and slyly, even when he felt otherwise, the mask was slipped on so tightly. He wanted so badly to just let Kokichi return to his normal ways, forget it ever happened just like every other time, but each one of those times still ate away at him, and he knew he had to confront this. It wouldn’t feel as pleasant now, but he also knew all too well what was right wasn’t always pleasant,
He sipped on his beverage, taking in the silence around him, before finally setting it down to speak, “Why did you freak out?”
Kokichi flinched. He knew that question was coming, but he really didn’t want it to. He shifted his gaze to Shuichi, lowering the cup to his lap and perking a plastic smile, “There’s no rhyme or reason to what I do!”
“Kokichi…”
Kokichi shied away from Shuichi’s cold glare, tracking his gaze to the cup in hand and placing it on the table as his bangs cast a shadow over his eyes, “Just forget about it-“
Shuichi grasped Kokichi's wrist, causing Kokichi to look up at him, “How do you expect me to just forget about it?!”
“’Cuz its none of your business,” Kokichi snapped, ripping his hand free and holding it close to his chest with his other.
Shuichi huffed, clenching his hands into fists and resting them on his legs, “It is my business. How am I suppose to help if I don’t know what’s wrong?”
“I didn’t ask for your help!”
“But you need it.”
At the statement, Kokichi was silenced, shifting his eyes to stare at the floor and gripping tighter on his wrist.
Shuichi tried to rack his brain for reasons Kokichi would be so adamant about keeping quiet. An idea spurred to mind,
“Do you think I’ll judge you for it?”
Kokichi covered his face with both his hands.
So that means yes.
Shuichi grabbed both of his wrists and pulled them away from his face, staring into his teary eyes, “You know I would never judge you Kichi~Ko. You know I would love you no matter what.”
Kokichi stared blankly at him for a few moments before tears started cascading down his cheeks. He buried his face in Shuichi’s chest, and finally cracked.
“I- I…” he tried to speak through sobs, “I'm s-scared.”
Shuichi fell back into his previous position, one arm wrapped around his waist and the other playing with his hair, “What are you scared of Kimchi?”
Kokichi let the sobs out of his chest, taking a moment to collect himself before pulling back and wiping the water from his eyes. Upon him lifting his face, Shuichi could see a bright, burning blush covering his entire face, “I- I'm a-ailurophobic!” he squeezed his eyes shut to yell it out, like ripping off a bandage.
Shuichi cocked an eyebrow, “You're- what?”
Shuichi ignorance seemed to agitate him as his grip tightened and his eyes burned him with a glare, “I'M SCARED OF CATS SHUICHI!”
Shuichi blinked rapidly, “Your- you're scared of cats?”
Everything made sense.
The shows they watched with cats, the stores they entered with cat merchandise, the conversations they had about their friends cats, and the interaction they had with the cat. The answer was right in front of him the whole time, he was just too blind to see it-
His train of thought was interrupted by Kokichi shoving his face back into him, this time on his shoulder, “I’m s-sorry I know it’s stupid I know- I- I know its pathetic but I can’t- I can’t help it! They just… their just so fucking scary with their eyes and their claws… and- and their fur-“ he spoke breathlessly, starting to shake intensely as he described the creature, gagging as if he were too throw up again. He went silent for a moment before quietly adding, “P-please don’t leave me…”
“Shhh,” Shuichi hushed him, “I'm not going to leave you Kichi~Ko; I was just surprised, that’s all. Why did you never tell me?”
“It's-“ Kokichi gave a hiccup and a sob, “Its so embarrassing… it’s such a stupid thing to be scared of…”
“Hey hey stop,” Shuichi lectured gently, “Its not stupid so stop calling it stupid. ‘Kichi, having a phobia is different than just being scared, it’s an illness. It’s not something you can control. It’s clear how much they bother you, and I would never call that pathetic. You should have told me so I could have helped, and got you help.”
Kokichi sniffed, “I don’t need help. I should just suck it up-"
“Were you listening?” Shuichi interrupted, “An illness isn’t something you’re suppose to just ‘suck up.’ We can get you help for it, and even just knowing, I can help you avoid them.”
“I don’t want to be a burden, Shu…” Kokichi admitted, looking up at his lover.
With his face now exposed, Shuichi kissed his nose, “You’ll never be a burden, okay? I told you I would love you no matter what and I meant it,” he gave his lover a small smile, “It was silly of you not to tell me Kimchi, we could have prevented this whole thing.”
“Sorry,” Kokichi muttered with dark eyes.
“Don’t apologize, I get it,” Shuichi massaged his tensed up shoulders, “I know how much you hate being vulnerable.”
Kokichi just nodded, snuggling up to his lover. Shuichi shifted them to be facing the TV, and grabbed the remote, “How about we watch a cat-free show, and we can discuss some options in the morning hm?” he rubbed his boyfriend’s shoulder lovingly, “You’ve had a long day, I'm sure you're tired.”
“Mhm, I'd like that…” Kokichi agreed, and started nervously playing with his fingers, “But- um… could- could you maybe not say- the- the name?”
“Hm?” Shuichi questioned, before his eyes widened with realization, “Oh you don’t like the word either. Um, sure, of course! How about I say- uhhh- bubbles instead!”
Kokichi gave a tired giggle, “Bubbles? Sure… I- like that... and we can keep watching the show that had one in it I- really liked it… Can you- maybe- just say Bubbles every time one appears so I can close my eyes?”
Shuichi leaned down with a chaste kiss, Anything for you, love.” He saw Kokichi getting uncomfortable with telling the truth and decided to wrap up the conversation, “Would you like to come with me to therapy next week? To maybe talk about getting therapy?”
“Maybe…” Kokichi mumbled, “I- need a bit to think.”
“I'll wait as long as you need.”
~♡~
Shuichi closed the door to his car, and hooked his keychain onto his belt, breathing in the chill of the Autumn wind. He stared up at his and Kokichi’s therapy office, trying to calculate which of the many floors it would be on. He decided to shrug it off and start heading towards the door, but was interrupted by a short, violet-haired angel barreling out of it and into his arms,
“Shu!”
Shuichi gave a small chuckle as he stumbled backwards, “Miss me?”
Kokichi huffed and pulled himself away, crossing his arms with a pout, “Of course not! That was my hug attack! Its super effective against Shumai's!”
Shuichi smirked, and kissed him on the temple, “That was my charm attack.”
Kokichi blanked for a moment in a red flush, but proceeded to faint dramatically into Shuichi’s arms, “Oh no! I’ve been paralyzed!”
“Well, guess I get your ice cream then.”
“Hey!”
Shuichi snickered as Kokichi grabbed his hand, pulling him down the sidewalk, “I want extra sprinkles this time!”
“I guess…” Shuichi conceded, keeping watch for the small ice cream parlor down the street, “How did your therapy go?”
Kokichi perked up at the question, “Oh! Oh! You'll never guess! But I managed to hold a bubble plushie!”
“Really?” Shuichi said in awe, squeezing his hand tightly, “I'm so proud of you Kichi~Ko.”
Kokichi puffed out his chest, “I didn’t even get nervous!”
“Mhm…” Shuichi went along with his lie, not mentioning how he could feel the slight tremble of Kokichi’s hand that must still be remaining from his session. He can’t help but be proud either way, he's gotten so much better.
He turned back to the path, noticing a stray kitten resting on a bench, “Bubbles,” he said immediately.
There was no hesitation, Kokichi slipped his eyes shut and laid his head on Shuichi’s chest, who brought up his free hand to cover his exposed ear as they walked past the meowing kitten. Shuichi spared it a loving glance before quickly walking Kokichi along.
When the animal was well out of sight, Shuichi removed his hand from Kokichi’s ear and said, “Safe.”
Kokichi opened his eyes, but kept his head on Shuichi’s chest, dawning a much more serious expression, “Shuichi…”
“Hm?”
“Thank you… for everything.”
Shuichi rested his lips on Kokichi’s head, “You don’t need to thank me. I'd do anything for you.”
“But you put up with me,” Kokichi rebutted, “And keep me safe. So thank you, for not giving up on me.”
“You'll get through this,” Shuichi assured.
Kokichi nodded.
“As long as I have you.”