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00.
Sirens. Screams, voices everywhere.
They break through his consciousness slowly but surely, growing louder and louder until it’s the only thing he can focus on. It’s too loud, but he can’t gather up the energy to turn away. His conscious fades in and out, lessening the intensity if only a little. He doesn’t know where he is. The only thing he can focus on is how wrong his body feels.
The moment he gets close to the true intensity of his pain the darkness comes to drag him back, as if protecting him from what it knows would have him screaming. At one point the voices grow closer to him, and though he can hear them the words stray just far enough from his comprehension that he doesn't know what they want. Not long after his body is moved and that is when the pain hits him straight in the gut. There’s this unnatural noise, and he’s screaming before he’s pulled under once again.
01.
Taehyung appears the first time Jungkook’s awake enough to remember anything except for bright lights and blurred faces.
It’s after the doctor makes his rounds and checks on Jungkook’s condition, assuring him that he is going to heal just fine as the nurse starts a new IV drip of painkillers. Right after the doctor and nurse leave there’s a head popping around his curtain to take their place, bright orange hair a shock against the white of the hospital. He makes eye contact with Jungkook and in moments is by his side, resting his hands against the bed and leaning in uncomfortably close.
“I didn’t know we had a new patient here! Welcome to the family, I’m Taehyung.” he says excitedly, and with one glance down at Jungkook legs he adds, “Looks like you’re going to be here for a while, so we should be friends!”
Wincing at the observation, Jungkook can only stare downwards as he’s reminded of his two legs, each fixed in a cast. Taehyung stays for longer than Jungkook expects, so he eventually glances back up to see what he’s doing. Unsure of how to react to the orange-haired male, Jungkook just points to his name that’s posted on his bed.
While he would be a bit more put off by the way Taehyung just barged into his room and reminded him of his legs, the painkillers seem to already be pumping through his veins. His emotions are dulled and his head growing heavier with each passing second.
Before Taehyung gets the opportunity say anything more there’s a nurse rushing in. “Taehyung, stop bothering the new patient and let him sleep! You’re supposed to be meeting your doctor right now.”
From the way Taehyung only smiles at her Jungkook ventures to think that this happens a lot.
“Well I’ll see you later Jungkook! I’ll be by later when you aren’t so sleepy.”
He can hear the nurse complain about always having to look all over the hospital to find Taehyung before he succumbs to the side-effect of the painkillers, dragged back into sleep before he can shift into a more comfortable position.
The first thing Jungkook finds out about Taehyung is that he has too much energy. Two days after they meet he sees a flash of orange and then he’s there again, seeming almost brighter now that he isn’t bogged down by painkillers.
Even if Jungkook doesn’t speak Taehyung doesn’t seem to mind. He talks enough for the both of them while Jungkook listens. He keeps trying to convince Jungkook that he’s some sort of alien, laughing at the expression on Jungkook’s face when he stares at him like he’s crazy.
Jungkook is used to silence, but Taehyung makes it a point to make sure that he can’t stare into space for too long. Without asking or checking to see if Jungkook is comfortable, the orange-haired boy scoots so far into his personal space that Jungkook wants to run away, always there to wave his hand in front of his face if he zones out for too long.
As uncomfortable as he is, Jungkook can’t bring himself to do anything to take away the easy smile that Taehyung comes with. It’s the first time he’s seen someone exist so gracefully, making everyone accept him without changing himself at all. Jungkook's admittedly entranced by him.
02.
Jimin is never too far away from where Taehyung is, Jungkook realizes after a few days.
Taehyung makes it his duty to visit Jungkook daily, and the fourth time he comes Jimin follows after him. In Taehyung’s hand is a bag of markers, yet another reason why Jungkook can't help concluding that he is a child. He introduces Jimin quickly but his attention is elsewhere.
“I’m going to sign your casts!” he declares cheerfully as he pulls a chair to the foot of his bed and observes his two blue casts carefully. Then, without even waiting for Jungkook’s reaction as usual, starts to scribble little pictures along his cast.
“Don’t you think you should get permission before doing that?” Jimin asks apprehensively, but still he’s looking over Taehyung’s shoulder, making comments about how crooked his bunny is. After Taehyung comments how Jungkook never talks anyways Jimin looks up at him, suddenly serious. “You don’t mind, do you? Taehyung can be forceful sometimes, so sorry if he’s offended you.”
Jungkook stares at Jimin blankly for a moment, unsure of how to respond. He deals with Taehyung’s constant visits and nonstop chatter, but that’s because Taehyung just works on his own wavelength and wouldn’t listen even if he could somehow ask. After a while he settled with dealing with the eccentric boy, since he was harmless.
With the addition of Jimin, Jungkook once again feels out of place, awkward. He isn’t good in social situations, always trying to find the quickest way to get himself out of them. It’s much easier to be alone but no matter how much he tries to send that message telepathically to the two they remain oblivious. He has no other choice but to answer.
Reaching over for his notepad, he writes down a quick note, tearing it off and holding it out to Jimin. He supposes that with that the two will lose interest in him and leave him to his silence. They both lean close to each other so they are able to read the note at the same time.
At first Jungkook thought Jimin was just a slightly calmer version of Taehyung, but now he can see the difference. While Taehyung gapes and openly stares after reading the paper Jimin just nods and smiles, grabbing the black marker from Taehyung and adding his well wishes to each cast.
The very next day Jimin shows up with a notebook and a pencil. Jungkook has a small one for the questions the doctor and nurse ask but he can’t really use it for casual conversations. It’s a kind gesture that he never expected the other would make, and it leaves him feeling a little more open to his company. Unbeknownst to himself his lips curve upwards because he hardly knows Jimin and yet he cared enough to think about something like that.
Later he regrets it though, because Jimin uses his shy gratitude and acceptance as permission to take Jungkook under his proverbial wing, cooing over him like he’s some kid – which he, at the very old, mature age of seventeen is definitely not – and constantly coming around during mealtimes to try and persuade him to let Jimin feed him, as if his arms were the ones broken in the accident.
The first time he tries that Jungkook refuses vehemently, knocking the spoon to the floor and closing up.
Feeling guilty, he eventually writes an apology telling Jimin that he didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. Jungkook isn’t used to people trying to dote on him or really pay any attention to him. He doesn’t know how to deal with it, especially when Jimin looks at him with warmth and understanding that he feels far too exposed.
Jimin stops for a few days to Jungkook’s relief. A week later, though, he brings it up again, surprisingly stubborn and determined to fulfill some sort of fantasy of being a mother bird.
Jungkook will never admit that he strangely likes the gesture, even as he eventually crosses his arms, averts his gaze, and opens his mouth.
03.
In between his visits from Taehyung and Jimin there’s painful silence, there to remind him that nothing has changed.
The silence brings about nightmares, fingers clawing at him and voices screaming at him until he can’t take it. Every night he wakes up to the sound of screeching tires, the smell of burning rubber and screams. Right before his body hits the ground he jerks awake, breathing labored as he tries to remember where he is. The flash of bright headlights lingers the longest, leaving him blinded as he tries to pull himself together.
Jungkook always feels the worst of these nights creeping up on him like fog, invading his thoughts during the day when he should feel fine and making every shadow in the room turn against him in the evening, moving in closer and clogging the air he struggles to breathe as his throat closes up during the night.
Curled up in a ball at the head of his bed, Jungkook has never felt more alone.
04.
The first time Jungkook is put in a wheelchair he feels like there is some good in the world after all. He’s being rolled out of the room by his nurse when Taehyung catches sight of them, immediately ignoring whatever the receptionist was saying to him to jog over.
“Hey look! You’re on the move!” he says, smiling.
Jungkook returns the other’s smile for once, nodding with genuine happiness. He’s even happier when the older falls into step with his wheelchair, following the nurse as she leads him outside. Taehyung seems to take note that he’s in a good mood, becoming more animated and caught up in his story about how he once led his dodge ball team to victory with only two other people left against ten when he was in middle school.
“After that they would call me V for victory- Oh look, it’s Namjoon!” Taehyung suddenly exclaims, pointing out a blonde-haired male as they make their way along the concrete path. “He’s never here for long but I see him around almost every month. Apparently his condition isn’t too bad yet.”
The nurse finally speaks up to shush him before he can elaborate. Patient confidentiality, she hisses, or something like that.
Namjoon is sitting at one of the tables with a few nurses around him, all laughing as he seems to be saying something funny. All of their attention is on him, and Jungkook squirms at the thought. He can't help but admire Namjoon for being able to have so much charisma, keeping those around him laughing. He could never be like that. The longer he watches, though, the more he wishes that he could. If he could make people laugh like that he might be the happiest person in the world.
“Just stay quiet Jungkook. I don’t have time for you right now.”
‘Ladies’ man?’ Jungkook quickly writes to drive the thought away, holding it up for Taehyung to see.
The way he breaks out into amused laughter is all Jungkook needs to hear to know he’s right.
05.
Jungkook very quickly realizes that Taehyung is in the hospital for a reason. One day among the blurry ones Jungkook spends cooped up in his hospital room he can tell something is weird. It’s from how Taehyung smiles at him; slightly off and curling down at the edges.
‘Are you okay?’ he asks worriedly, among other questions such as if he should get a nurse.
“Do I look human to you? Aliens don’t get sick.” he says in an unnaturally dull tone, resting his head on Jungkook's stomach. The silence is unnatural, and Jungkook feels his ears ringing, aching to hear the other say something.
Taehyung eventually starts to shake, making Jungkook think that he’s crying. When patting his shoulder doesn’t work he tries to lift the other’s head, mind racing to determine how he should comfort him. But then Taehyung jerks and starts falling backwards and with Jungkook trying to hold him up they both end up on the floor.
The sharp pain of impact makes Jungkook’s mouth open in a cry.
Confusion and frustration gnaws at him because he doesn’t know what to do, the pain making him hardly able to think straight. Jungkook can’t even worry about that now, though, trying to hold Taehyung still. It’s scary that the other isn’t looking at him; rather he isn’t looking at anything.
Luckily the fall causes a loud noise to erupt from the bed, red light flashing. Otherwise Jungkook wouldn’t know what to do, watching uselessly as his new friend suffers.
In what seems like a lifetime three nurses are running in, and it takes only seconds for them to jump into action. Jungkook is pulled away from Taehyung and put back on the bed by a nurse, the other two taking care of Taehyung. When things calm down Taehyung is helped up. Before he’s led out he meets Jungkook’s worried gaze, eyes lacking any sign of recognition, and that alone makes Jungkook’s heart sink.
06.
When Taehyung returns three days later, he acts as if nothing happened. Jungkook can’t bring himself to mention anything.
07.
Yoongi is the next person that Jungkook meets, and it’s once again because of Taehyung. When he sees the death glare that the said male is giving Taehyung as he happily bounces up to his bed and starts chattering on about some band he doesn’t know about, Jungkook thinks that Taehyung should learn to be a bit more sensitive to the atmosphere.
A fire.
Jungkook can tell there was something to do with a fire because of the burn scars that cover Yoongi’s skin. It looks like his arms and legs were hurt the most, but his face is spared from most of the scarring. There’s a little that runs from his cheek to a little down his neck, but other than that his face is clear.
Jungkook thinks it's a shame for someone with smooth pale skin like Yoongi's to be hurt by fire, but he feels that him being hurt at all is much worse.
Yoongi seems like he would be mean with the scary way that he glares and appears to be annoyed with everything Taehyung does, but then Jungkook sees his smile. It’s a small one, hardly noticeable because of the tone of his voice. Nevertheless, it makes Jungkook realize that Yoongi enjoys Taehyung’s company more than he lets on. When he turns his head to look at Jungkook he can’t help but smile a little himself, catching the other off guard by how quickly he goes back to glaring again.
After a while Taehyung suddenly is standing up and turning to leave, mumbling something about a check-up before leaving the two of them alone. Jungkook looks after him worriedly, although he leaves it alone.
Yoongi coughs into his bandaged hand and Jungkook knows he feels awkward, but he can’t help but be amused by it.
“So you don’t talk, huh? You’re much better than Taehyung then. If he could talk someone to death then he would.” he says, clearing his throat and looking away.
‘I can write you notes to death if you want.’ he offers, waving the notebook around until he catches the other’s attention to show him.
Yoongi glares at him, grabbing the notebook from him and acting as if he was going to whack him with it. Jungkook knows better, having deemed the other too gentle to actually go through with it. Even without knowing him well, Jungkook can’t help but admire Yoongi. Maybe it's his aura, or the way he talks about music when Jungkook asks what he does. It’s different from how he feels towards Taehyung, though. It’s similar to Jimin in a way and yet different still. After talking to Yoongi more he concludes that the feeling is most like how he would probably feel if he had an older brother.
08.
The weeks pass faster when they aren’t filled with silence and instead Taehyung’s lame jokes, Jimin’s coddling and Yoongi’s strange theories about the world. Two months feels like two weeks and before Jungkook realizes how much time has passed his casts are off. He knows that he isn’t done with recovery yet, but it feels so nice to be rid of the restricting casts that he doesn’t let that ruin his mood.
Following the short moment of relief is stress.
Physical therapy is his next step, his doctor tells him, and he will be assigned to a physical therapist that will work along with him so that he can be returned to full health.
“That’s the pros to being young.” the man says with a woeful sigh, patting Jungkook on the shoulder before leaving the nurses to the rest.
Physical therapy is hard, but he bears it because he doesn’t want to disappoint his trainer, Seokjin. He’s so gentle with Jungkook, congratulating him for every small bit of progress that he makes. He nags about Jungkook’s eating habits, then about how inactive he is and was even before the accident. It reminds him of when his father was still around. Jungkook would come home from school and show him everything he did just so that he could get a pat on the head.
Seokjin is much better than his father though, he decides, moving his feet through the water upon the said male’s request.
09.
Even when Jungkook was young he understood that he couldn’t get along with most kids, and that they didn’t really care to get along with him anyway. After hearing about his father they would laugh at him, make snide remarks about how his father never did and never would care about him. When they would see him walking past they would raise their voices just so he could hear them talk about how much his father preferred the family he went to live with somewhere in Daegu.
No matter how much he tried not to let it get to him, the blank way his mother would look at him whenever he asked if his father would ever come back to visit made him realize he shouldn’t expect anyone to want to be around him. It didn’t take long after that for him to stop asking completely.
Instead of interacting with his peers Jungkook used manga and video games to try and fill the emptiness left behind, to lessen the pressure of the silence that slowly but surely became a constant in his life. His mother didn’t like to be around much, and when she was she would always push him away.
“Don’t talk, Jungkook.” she would say when she got home, lipstick smudged and clothes ruffled. “Let me have some peace and quiet.”
10.
Jungkook has always lived in silence, but Taehyung changes that.
To put it gently he’s like sunlight that shines through the dimmed glass of his life, bringing vivid color that he never knew existed. His days are brighter and he finds that he can get out of bed and through the day easier than ever before.
In reality, though, Taehyung’s more like a wrecking ball, crashing brazenly right through the glass and setting up shop in Jungkook’s heart without permission or remorse.
Somewhere along the way, Jungkook finds that the silence he once embraced is suffocating.
On days where Taehyung can’t make it he finds that he can’t sit still, and in moments like those he really regrets his impulsiveness. He wants to pace, he wants the noise that Taehyung has brought back to his life; he wants something to fill the silence that he can’t quite take anymore.
That’s what pushes him to ask the nurse if he can sit outside, the fresh air not doing much to clear his mind but it does lift his mood a bit. He’s never eaten his lunch outside before but the incoherent chatter around him keeps him calm.
Just when he was thinking that he wouldn’t mind talking to someone, two trays are being set on his table. Looking up curiously, Jungkook brightens when he catches sight of Jimin. Another guy Jungkook doesn’t know is sitting next to him.
“This is Hoseok, Jungkook. He just got admitted a few days ago.” Jimin says, gesturing towards Hoseok.
“Nice to meet you, Jungkook. I’ve only been here a few days but Jimin has talked so much about you.”
Jungkook waves shyly to the male. Hoseok looks tired but he smiles sleepily at Jungkook, and so Jungkook deems him harmless and relaxes. Meeting new people is still awkward for him. He feels self-conscious initially, but the longer they interact Jungkook finds that he quite likes Hoseok. The other’s playful facial expressions and jokes he makes with jimin leave him hunched over in laughter. He's bright, probably why he matches so well with Jimin and Taehyung too, from what they tell him.
Eating lunch with them becomes a regular occurrence for Jungkook after that, the silence being pushed back just a little bit more.
11.
For some reason, people like to talk around Jungkook. Maybe it’s the comfort of knowing that he won’t say anything, or maybe they know that he needs something to fill the silence. His nurses like to talk to him about miscellaneous things as they go about their tasks, not expecting Jungkook to reply though he does every so often. It’s nice, to get a small peak into other people’s lives, the way they see the world.
Before all of that, however, Yoongi is the one who opens up first.
Jungkook likes to go to Yoongi’s room. He brings the latest manga that one of his nurses gets for him and sets it on Yoongi’s bed. Though Yoongi grumbles that he has no interest in childish things such as manga he reads along with Jungkook. His side comments about how weak the main character is and what he would do in the same situation make Jungkook laugh, hand covering his mouth as his body shakes in amusement.
“I had a little brother that was a little like you.” Yoongi says after Jungkook recovers from his laughing spell, having sobered up before him.
He looks up at Yoongi curiously, and after looking at Jungkook for a while Yoongi seems to decide that the thoughts running through his mind and clouding his eyes are worth saying aloud.
“He was cute. Even if he was in the hospital all the time he was the brightest one in the house. That’s why—well, when he died out house was never the same. My mother took it the worst. She was always in her room and wouldn’t come out. My dad didn’t care to help her. He was an asshole, using her change as an excuse to sleep around with other women. That house was hell. So I burned it down.”
Jungkook listens quietly, trying to imagine the tension that Yoongi must have had to deal with. He was sure that’s why he was so good at acting cool and unbothered, glaring at anything and everything. Because that’s how he coped.
It takes scratching out three lines for him to finally hold up his notebook. ‘I’m glad you’re not there now. You don’t have to go back now, right?’
“Yeah, and even if I was underage I don’t think they would want me back after what I did.” Yoongi laughs, but it’s bitter and hollow. “All I need now is music. Taehyung’s probably already mentioned it with that loose mouth of his, but I plan on being a composer.”
‘I’d like to hear some of your music one day, hyung.’ he writes, curious to hear the kind of music Yoongi makes.
Yoongi laughs and Jungkook is glad to see that it’s warmer, ducking his head when his hair is being ruffled.
“One day.” he agrees, and the smile growing on his face makes Jungkook believe that everything will be okay.
12.
“You’ve been making lots of progress lately, Jungkook.” Seokjin says after another of their sessions.
Jungkook is sweaty and out of breath, having collapsed in his wheelchair. He can tell that a lot of time must have passed by the now yellowish bruises that linger on his skin, though it really doesn’t feel like it.
“Keep this up and in a few weeks you’ll be able to use a walker! Doesn’t that sound nice?” he asks, smiling at Jungkook as he passes him a water bottle. Jungkook drinks from it thankfully before nodding, smiling at the other male.
Working with Seokjin makes Jungkook realize that it feels kind of nice to work and accomplish something. He comes to enjoy the push, striving for more and more under Seokjin's watchful gaze. Even when he got good marks on tests he never felt so accomplished. Seeing Seokjin smile in encouragement and hope for him to succeed, he finds that he wants to work the hardest he can.
13.
Jungkook can remember that night clearly.
It was a particularly tense day in his apartment, his mother having brought some nameless man back home with her. There was no food in the kitchen so he decided that he would go buy some cup ramen from the convenience store nearby.
He left as the sun was setting but by the time he left the convenience store it was already dark. The music blasting in his ears was enough to block out the darkness, distracting him as he made his way home. Jungkook always kept his head down when he walked, but he figured when he bumped into someone that it wasn’t the best idea.
He planned on just continuing to walk but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. Taking out one of his ear buds he turned to see that two men were both facing him, anger on their faces.
“Watch where you’re going, kid!” one snapped coldly, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and blowing the smoke into Jungkook’s face. He dropped it to the ground and stepped it out, raising himself to his full height and looking down his nose at Jungkook with an expectant look on his face.
Jungkook still doesn't know what exactly made him do it. Maybe it was the fact that he finally snapped, sick of being looked down on. There was some sort of sick adrenaline that ran through his body from the thought of fighting back even if it was just this once. It made him want to rebel, to finally feel something other than trapped. So he just stood there, staring the two down defiantly.
“This kid!” the same male hissed, the other with his hand on his shoulder pushing him back.
Raising his chin, Jungkook refused to look intimidated, not bowing in apology like he would have any other time.
“Looks like we need to teach this kid a lesson; how to respect his fucking elders.” One of them snarled, and before Jungkook could even process movement there’s a hand curling tightly around his neck, dragging him off the sidewalk and back into the alleyway.
There was no hesitation to push him against the wall, the man with the hand around his neck getting in close and leering at him. He hated that kind of look, that condescending gaze that everyone gave him. It makes his stomach churn. He pushes the man away, but he only backs up a few steps before he’s back in Jungkook’s face again, smug from the reaction.
The first punch knocks Jungkook back against the opposite wall. The pain he feels is numbed by his feeling of indifference, in fact while he’s reeling from one of the man’s next punches he can only think of his bag of cup noodles left forgotten on the sidewalk. But even then it’s the most he’s felt in such a long time.
With that realization he welcomed the knee that met his face and made him see stars, the leg that collided with his ribs with a sound Jungkook knew was wrong. He didn't know how long they continued on, but he’s sure it was enough for them to get their anger out. They left Jungkook crumpled against the wall, but not before he felt spit on his face. His vision is blurry and he thinks that he’s bleeding, a finger to his lip letting him know with a wince that it’s busted. After a while he decided that he should get home, even though he doubts his mother even cared.
Even knowing that he should go, it took him a while to actually get his body to move. Jungkook could only imagine the amount of damage done, since it hurt so much when he moved to wipe the disgusting spit off his cheek and put pressure on his hands to get up. Even breathing was painful. But he didn't let it stop him, walking with his hands stuffed in his pockets.
He felt like if he stopped he won’t be able to keep going so he pushed on, eyes focused forward, feeling somewhat like a zombie. Maybe that's why he didn’t notice it at first, looking only at the other side of the road where his house was. All he had to do was cross and then he could head in his apartment complex and lay down, maybe sleep the pain off. With a sharp feeling of annoyance and a growl of his stomach he remembered the bag of cup noodles forgotten right outside the alleyway he was dragged into. He didn't have the energy to turn and walk back, so he would just have to—
The horn honking wasn’t what caught his attention. No, it was the bright lights blinding him that made him turn, trying to find the source and get rid of it. The oncoming car was the last thing he expected, and though he knew that he should move, his body just wouldn't do it. It was just moving so fast, too fast, there was no time—
His life didn't flash through his mind. He’s grateful, because the last thing he needed to be reminded of before dying is how much of a life he never really lived to begin with. The only thing that ran through his mind is if his mother would care when she received the call, if she’d cry for him.
He heard the horn honking at the last second, and then there was contact, his body rolling over the car and then staying in the air for a few short seconds before he’s brought back to reality and earth with a sickening crunch.
14.
It takes his mother over three months to visit.
She was at the hospital briefly in the very beginning—when Jungkook was still fading in and out of consciousness—to fill out paperwork and set him up for his stay. She answers the calls that the nurses make to update her on Jungkook’s status, but never does she mention anything about coming to see him.
Jungkook isn’t surprised, but he can’t help but feel the sadness that he had lived with all his life creep back the longer and longer she stays away. He feels even worse when he meets Jimin and Taehyung’s parents, and even if he knows it will be unpleasant when she does show up, the fact that he wants her to come never changes.
His mother finally shows when Taehyung is in his room, leaning against him as he flutters in and out of a very long nap. Jungkook can’t say he’s surprised that even in his sleep Taehyung is loud, snoring and mumbling incoherent things and swatting at the air. Jungkook just reads his manga, finding peace in the way the wind blows in gently from the window, the sound of distant voices and chirping birds surprisingly pleasant. Taehyung's hair is soft against his cheek, and he can't help but move his free hand to touch the soft locks.
He's just let his gaze stray from the book to Taehyung's sleeping face when he notices the silhouette in the doorway. When he realizes who it is Jungkook jumps so much that Taehyung’s head rolls off his shoulder and hits the bed, and if that wasn’t enough to wake him up Jungkook rushing to sit up and accidentally hitting him is with his forgotten manga is. He grumbles a bit but doesn’t fight waking up this time, eyes slowly opening.
“Nnng. What is it, Kookie?” he slurs sleepily, lifting his head and turning to look where Jungkook is staring. His mouth opens in an ‘o’ shape. Turning to face his mother completely he smiles and waves sleepily. “Are you Jungkook's mother? I haven’t seen you around here before.”
“Taehyung, why don’t you let them have alone time?” the nurse that stands behind his mother asks quickly, her usual bright smile tight. Jungkook wonders why. The closer he looks at her he sees that her cheeks are flushed with emotion, and when she meets Jungkook’s gaze she just sighs and looks away.
“I guess… I’ll be back tomorrow with the next One Piece manga then! You'd better finish that one!”
Jungkook really doesn’t want Taehyung to go.
It takes him a moment to realize he’s grabbed a hold of Taehyung’s wrist, holding tight to hide the shaking of his hand. Letting go is one of the hardest things for him to do, especially when Taehyung looks at him so cheerfully. He just nods listlessly, and all the feelings of being at home come flooding back. He lowers his head and doesn’t meet Taehyung’s curious gaze after that, but if the other thinks anything about the situation it doesn’t show.
His mother, having not said anything all this time, walks a bit closer when the door shuts behind them. Still, though, she keeps a fair amount of distance between them. She doesn’t sit and he doesn’t relax, the atmosphere dark and unwelcome. They stay like that for what seems like hours, until his mother is satisfied.
“I’ll be back before you are discharged.” she says simply.
Jungkook can only nod.
“Don’t talk, Jungkook. I don’t want to hear your voice right now.”
They both know that there isn’t anything else to say so she leaves, closing the door behind her as if she can’t wait to put as much distance between them as possible. Maybe she thinks too much of his dad when she looks at him.
Jungkook doesn’t move for the rest of the night, manga forgotten in his lap.
15.
Jungkook doesn’t really talk to Namjoon, but when he sees the older male alone and not surrounded by women he thinks that he looks almost like a kid. Every time he sees the other it’s where he’s taken to eating lunch outside. He's extremely focused on whatever is coming out of his ear buds, stopping to scribble down something on a napkin every so often. It’s so similar to Yoongi that he can’t help but want to approach him.
The day he finally breaks up the nerve to say something is the day where Hoseok cuts off mid sentence, voice slurring and face scrunching up in confusion before he suddenly falls against Jimin, saved from crumpling to the ground from Jimin’s quick reflexes.
He quickly takes a hold of Hoseok just as his eyes close, body limp. Jimin and Jungkook hardly blink an eye, already used to Hoseok’s condition. This happens often, but this time after a while of Hoseok trying to fight it off, he asks if he can be taken up to his room.
“I’ll do it.” Jimin says quickly, and Jungkook helps get Hoseok on his back, waving when he blinks at him before Jimin is making his way inside.
Jungkook is just throwing away all of their trays when he catches sight of Namjoon. As usual the blonde male is lost in his own world, hunched over his table as he stares intently at a napkin. Taking a deep breath, Jungkook tries to stop how his heart immediately starts to beat fast and his face reddens just at the thought of approaching Namjoon. He's never been able to stifle the feeling of admiration he'd felt from the first day he saw him. It makes gathering the courage to go over there that much harder. He eventually steels himself and rolls over, hoping that he doesn’t just get waved off.
‘If it’s music you like, you should talk to Yoongi hyung. He likes music too and he’s in the room right next to yours.’ he writes, showing the blonde male when he looks up to see who blocked the sun.
“You’re Jeon Jungkook, right?” he asks simply, which catches Jungkook off guard. He hesitates before nodding and Namjoon smiles. “I’ve heard about you. Taehyung talks about you a lot. Want to sit down?”
Namjoon is not as mature as he looks when he’s talking to women. He’s just as bright though, and there’s a boyish charm that makes it easy for Jungkook to feel comfortable around him despite the age difference. Namjoon seems to like to make Jungkook laugh, mimicking the quiet way air leaves his mouth with no sound. In return, Jungkook likes to copy the different faces he makes when he’s flirting. They call a truce after that.
16.
Though Namjoon is discharged a week after that day, he comes back often. He visits Jungkook a few times, but mostly he’s in Yoongi’s room, the two hunched over a laptop with an ear bud in each of their ears. Once, when Jungkook peeks his head in to see what they do all the time he sees a bunch of nurses gathered around while they appear to be having some sort of battle. Jungkook watches them laugh and make flirt faces before he leaves.
‘Yoongi hyung is also a ladies’ man.’ he tells Jimin decidedly later that day, and then Taehyung when he rolls—he wanted to act like some sort of secret agent, he explains later—into his room.
17.
Jungkook has never seen Taehyung angry before. He’s seen him upset when Jimin somehow manages to make the helicopter he got from his sister come crashing to the ground and break, but that pales in comparison to Taehyung when he’s really angry.
It’s stupid, but Jungkook is particularly discouraged that day, still sweaty and weak-limbed from his daily exercises. He’s making so much progress with physical therapy but the results still aren’t where he wants them to be. Jungkook wants to walk again, wanted to be able to run and express his new found energy through movement. Restless was never a word to describe the reclusive boy, but Jimin and Yoongi have been saying it so often that now it is.
“Don’t get discouraged, Kookie… You’re still alive, right? There are so many people that would love to be in your situation. You’ll be able to recover eventually and get discharged and live a nice life as long as you have patience. Doesn’t that make you happy?” Taehyung asks, sitting by him in the cafeteria. There’s left over rice and ketchup on his face and if it were a different day Jungkook would tease him about it.
But the thought of being discharged makes him freeze in his tracks. When that happens he’ll go back to his house, back to the silence. There will be no buffer to the emptiness when he’s taken out of the hospital, and now that he’s had a taste of life outside of his house he doesn’t want to go back. He can feel his mood growing darker the further his thoughts go, and he’s writing before he can stop himself.
‘I wish I died when that car hit me.’
Before he can scratch it out Taehyung sees it, and it’s the first time Jungkook has seen a genuine frown on his face. In fact, it’s the first time he’s seen Taehyung sober up so quickly, tearing the paper out of the notebook roughly. In seconds he’s balled it up and thrown it at the trash can, not even looking to see if it landed in.
“Don’t ever say that again.” he says sharply, and Jungkook can feel his hand shaking from where it’s rested on his thigh before he’s pulling away. Jungkook can practically see anger bubbling up in Taehyung’s eyes, and he flinches. “You don’t mean that. You’re life is too important to just throw it away! Do you even know the weight of death? It’s not something that can just be changed if you decide you don’t like it.” Somewhere along the line he gets louder, people stopping from walking to their seats to glance over at the two curiously.
Immediately feeling guilty for making the usually cheerful male upset like this, he nods, looking away. He doesn’t want to see Taehyung's back as he walks away, ashamed for thinking something so negative when just being alive after that horrible accident is more than enough to be thankful for.
18.
Jungkook sits at the kitchen table alone, a bowl of seaweed soup resting in front of him. The landlady always makes it for the young resident’s birthdays and had caught Jungkook on his way inside the apartment complex to give it to him.
Seventeen.
He’s seventeen now. Every year Jungkook sits at the kitchen table like this, counting up and down from zero to his age and then back down again. His grandmother would always tell him it would make him appreciate all of the years that he lived, not to mention the fact that he wasn’t old.
When Jungkook was six—the year before his grandmother passed away—the two of them would sit together at the kitchen table, counting up and then down for each year he had been alive. Starting from zero, when he had nothing, to where he had reached a new full year of life and then back down to remember where he had come from; that’s probably what she wanted to get through to him.
Though he had complained, the brightness in his grandmother’s eyes made him sit up a little straighter, count a little louder. He didn’t fully understand why counting was so important back then, but if she was going to make him he would at least try to enjoy it.
17.
“Why don’t you talk?” Taehyung asks one day, looking up at Jungkook while Jimin stares intently at the cards in his hands.
Jungkook is in the middle of eating, but he stops in mid chew at the question. Jimin hisses something at Taehyung and glances worriedly at Jungkook as if he was going to somehow combust from the question.
But he’s not going to.
He’s not, it’s just…
‘It’s just been this way for a long time.’ he writes slowly, forehead scrunching up as he mulls over the question.
“Well then why don’t you just start again?” Taehyung asks, oblivious to the glare Jimin is sending him.
“Not that there’s anything wrong with the way you are now.” Jimin chimes in after realizing Taehyung would never catch on.
Jungkook can only blink, unsure of what to say.
‘I don’t know.’ is all he is able say, staring blankly at his half-empty tray.
Suddenly his appetite is gone.
16.
Taehyung’s words stay with Jungkook for a long time.
What he simply accepted at the norm before feels more like a huge question mark to him now, throwing him off.
When did staying quiet turn to not talking at all? Jungkook never paid attention to the change, honestly.
Does he want to talk?
Can he just… start?
He doesn’t think it’s as easy as Taehyung says it is.
At first he took to watching Taehyung, paying special attention to how his lips formed words. That didn't last long, though; he found that his chest would hurt and his face would heat up if he looked for too long. Watching the nurses or the people on television was much easier.
Now he spends the most of the night opening and closing his mouth, lips forming over words carefully. Even if imagining voicing the words in front of anyone but the quiet of his room causes him to shudder in fear, he can feel himself wanting it more and more. It scares him how much he wants, having to pinch himself to keep from messing everything up whenever he's around his friends.
The silence has never been so suffocating.
15.
Jungkook doesn’t want to die. He felt indifference to it before, but he doesn’t now.
After that moment where Taehyung yelled at him, Jungkook pushes himself to and past his limits in physical therapy. Seokjin catches this burst of determination from him and encourages him onward, sometimes having to calm him down and remind him of patience. When he complains he chastises him, warning him of the dangers of over-straining himself. Despite the fact that he feels pain he doesn’t want to stop. Seokjin has always been sweet but diligent with him to make quick progress, but he wants more.
He can’t stop.
14.
Jungkook will get better so that Taehyung never looks at him the way he did in the cafeteria ever again.
He’ll get up and walk on his own. He can do it. He decides to try and walk around outside without his walker, just to see if he can take a few steps. If he’s able to do it he can tell Taehyung when he comes over to read One Piece with him, and then maybe he’ll stop being mad at him.
With his wheelchair by his side Jungkook sets his sights on the table that’s a few feet from him. Taking a deep breath he starts to try and walk. He handles the first few steps just fine, but on the fourth or fifth his right leg buckles and then he’s falling, arms flailing out to try and brace himself. Jungkook hits his head on the table instead of the ground and then everything does black.
13.
When Jungkook wakes up, it’s to the second time he’s seen Taehyung angry.
“What were you thinking?” he screeches when Jungkook tries to sit up only to fall back. He has a pounding headache and he doesn’t have to energy to reach for his notebook to tell Taehyung to please, please be quieter, so he can only deal with it. Hoseok holds the other back from being too much in his personal space, but there’s only so much he can do with an upset Taehyung.
Luckily Jimin fixes that for him, smacking the back of Taehyung's head. “Lower your voice, Taehyung. He’s not dead, but you will be if you rupture his eardrums.”
It’s only when he looks away that he realizes that it’s not just the three of them. Yoongi and Namjoon are there also, looking at him in concern. Knowing that all of them came just because of him makes him feel shame for his mistake, reaching for his notebook to write in it.
‘I’m sorry. I’m fine, really. You guys can leave if you want.’
“Are you crazy?! This is a big deal, we're not going to 'just leave'!” Taehyung says immediately, but his voice his quieter now - well, as quiet as an angry Taehyung can be. “You should know by now not to push yourself! That's for when you’re in physical therapy!”
As if on a cue, Jungkook sees Seokjin run through the door, face stormy with emotion. Jungkook grows red in embarrassment, not able to look the older man in the eye. He feels so guilty for making everyone worry for him. He's not worth the way they look at him, nor Taehyung's anger for his stupid mistake.
“Jungkook, how could… you,” Seokjin starts when he makes it to his bed, slowly trailing off when he looks at Jungkook’s face.
Jungkook doesn’t know why until he hears something hit his notebook. He looks down and sees that it’s a drop. A tear. He raises a hand to his face and feels the wet trail left behind on his cheek and after that there’s no stopping it. The tears start to run heavily down his cheeks, body shaking with unvoiced sobs.
After staring uselessly for a few moments everyone snaps into action, patting at his hair and holding his hands. They try and console him, telling him to stop crying and that they weren’t mad at him. Compared to the silence he’s used to, curled up alone in his room, the loudness of six voices all focused on him leaves him breathless and unsure of what to do. The attention makes Jungkook cry harder, something in him that he didn’t know existed dissolving under their care.
It’s the first time he’s ever felt loved.
12.
Seokjin makes sure to give Jungkook little exercises that he can do on his own after the incident, and even starts popping up to his room more often than usual to see him practice. It takes a few days for Taehyung to stop glaring at him, but when he does he joins him in the exercises, dragging Jimin along with him. Yoongi invites Jungkook to join him and Namjoon whenever he notices Taehyung and Jimin aren’t around. Hoseok talks to him more during physical therapy when their times cross, walking with him to his room and teaching him the basics of popping. He promises to properly teach him when they both get discharged.
Jungkook can tell the forced way they all try and gloss over the incident as well as Jungkook crying, but he won’t ruin their efforts. It takes all of his self-control to hold back his grateful yet amused smile the harder they try.
11.
The world is incredibly cruel, Jungkook realizes.
The more he watches the patients stuck in the hospital for a long time like he is, the more he sees how uncaring and unfortunate life is. There is a permanent sadness that stays with him as he watches people come and go, sometimes for good and sometimes for worse. Seeing how much negativity has been thrown their way makes the hospital take on a solemness that he hadn’t noticed before.
Jungkook finds it hard not to become angry at how unfair it is that some of the nicest people have the worst fates.
He clenches his fists to hold back his frustration when Jimin has to stay in bed for days at a time, and bites the inside of his cheek in sympathy knowing how many surgeries Yoongi has ahead of him to fix all of his burn scars.
Jungkook wants to cry at the thought of Namjoon starting chemotherapy soon, of Hoseok every time he shows up with a few more bruises from unexpected sleep spells and fights back a sob when he hears how he was unable to avoid falling on his already hurt arm that one night when no one was around.
The anger threatens to bubble over when Taehyung gets that faraway look in his eyes, quickly getting off the bed and heading to his room without saying anything.
The world really knows how to hit people where it hurts the most.
It’s easy for him to lose hope in anything good when he can only think of how hard his friend’s lives will be.
10.
Taehyung seems jumpy today.
Not in the strange way that comes before he usually stands abruptly and leaves to find a nurse and go to his room, but in a normal kind of ‘I’m-hiding-something-from-you’ kind of way. After he nearly jumps ten feet in the air when Jungkook so much as looks at him curiously, he finally can’t take it anymore.
‘What is it?’ he asks, frowning.
“What’s what?” he questions nonchalantly, but Jungkook can tell that no matter how much he tries to act nonchalant he’s stressed.
‘You’re acting weird.’
Taehyung shifts uncomfortably, and the way he shakes his head in denial is far from believable. He hadn't been interested in doing much of anything today, and it wasn't even how he usually was when his mood was down. Lost in thought was not something Jungkook would use to describe Taehyung on a daily basis, but that was how he was now. Any other time any thoughts he had lacked any sort of filter, out before Taehyung himself could even think about just what he was saying.
“Do you still feel the way you did before?” Taehyung asks suddenly, eyes flitting around the room before resting on his nearly full notepad
‘The way I- No. Not anymore.’ It takes a moment for Jungkook to realize what Taehyung is asking but he can guess.
Taehyung looks like he wants to say more and so Jungkook waits patiently. He waits and watches as Taehyung’s face scrunches up and he starts to lean forward, only to deflate and sit back in his chair.
“Good.”
09.
Taehyung doesn’t show up the next day.
Jungkook waits for his loud and impossible to ignore entrance each day for the next two days, but he never shows.
‘Have you seen Taehyung?’ he asks Hoseok one day, catching the other since they both finished physical therapy at the same time.
“Don’t you remember? We won’t be seeing Taehyung for the next few days.”
Jungkook blinks at this, because Taehyung never mentioned it to him. ‘Taehyung never said anything to me. What’s he doing?’
“Apparently he went to visit a grave—he really didn’t tell you?”
Jungkook feels sick to his stomach as he shakes his head.
08.
‘I don’t really know anything about you.’ Jungkook writes Taehyung when he returns, cornering the other male by the vending machine.
“That’s not true! I tell you about myself all the time!” Taehyung responds gruffly as he slams his body against the machine. He stumbles and falls back on his butt with a groan of pain, glaring at the bag of chips just a little ways away from falling.
Jungkook knows that Taehyung is partially right.
Taehyung does talk about himself. Jungkook knows that honey butter chips are his favorite, and that’s why he’s so angry that the very last one will not fall to its doom no matter how much he slams his body against the vending machine. He knows about his school life. Jungkook also knows how popular Taehyung was in school despite his weirdness. In fact, it was because of his it that people liked him; his loud and friendly personality a magnet for popularity. Jungkook isn't too surprised about that, because he can't see how anyone could treat Taehyung the way they treated him. Even if they did it probably wouldn't faze him.
He even knows that Taehyung’s parents are very nice but also very busy working to pay off the hospital fees and treatments he is stuck with. Taehyung has an older sister too. She’s very pretty and keeps their One Piece manga stash full.
Jungkook also knows things about Taehyung that he doesn’t tell him, like the fact that there’s only really two ways for Taehyung to go. He’s either really happy and upbeat or so quiet and withdrawn that it takes Jungkook making a fool of himself to get the other to notice him.
On those days Jungkook can tell that there’s a lot on his mind, and that he needs some sort of distraction because there was no other reason that he would be around someone when he’s like that instead of staying in his room like he usually does when he isn't in a good mood. He knows that, but why is what he wants to know.
Jungkook wonders if Taehyung even wants him to figure out why in the first place. Knowing that he wasn’t told where Taehyung was going to begin with makes him feel like he’s not trusted, or not as close to him as he thought previously. Taehyung is close to a lot of people, so Jungkook wouldn’t be surprised if that was it.
Breaking out of his thoughts, Jungkook finally puts Taehyung out of his misery and gives the vending machine one violent push, leaning down to take out Taehyung’s precious chips and hand it to him after it falls. Taehyung’s face brightens as he takes them, and Jungkook decides not to push Taehyung into telling him things he doesn’t want to.
07.
It’s late one night when Taehyung slides into his bed beside him that everything makes sense. Jungkook pretends to be asleep because from previous experience he knows if he lets the other know he’s awake he will talk for a bit before making up an excuse to leave. Taehyung stays quiet for a long time, but from the sound of his breathing Jungkook knows he’s still awake.
“I killed a man.” he murmurs, and the severity of his words doesn’t match his nonchalant tone. Jungkook tries not to freeze up, and hopes Taehyung stealing more of Jungkook’s pillow and blanket means he hasn’t noticed.
“It was my sister’s boyfriend. For the very beginning I didn’t like him because he seemed too possessive and short-tempered, but then my sister started coming home with bruises. One day I came home to loud yelling and screaming. When I got upstairs I saw his hands around her neck and I—I thought he was going to kill her. So I fought to save her. Before I knew it... I'd killed him. Even if it was defense and I didn’t go to jail for it… I killed someone. That doesn’t just go away.”
Taehyung falls silent after that, but Jungkook can hear sharp intakes of breath. The more he thinks about it the worse he feels about his outburst that day, and how he must have made Taehyung feel. How ignorant he must have looked, not knowing the true weight of his words.
Before he knows what he’s doing he’s letting out a hopefully believable huff of air before he’s shifting and wrapping himself around Taehyung and holding him close.
Even though he's sure Taehyung notices he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t leave either, though, and that’s all that matters.
06.
Jungkook is numb when the doctor tells him that he’ll be able to leave the hospital soon. Though he feels guilty for the blank stare he gives the man who was so encouraging and happy for his recovery, it’s much better than the storm raging in his mind.
05.
The third time Taehyung becomes angry is because of Jungkook’s mother.
Despite the fact that his face is turned to the window, he can hear the hyper male’s voice loud and clear even before appears at the door. He knows the other freezes to a stop when he sees that Jungkook isn’t alone, taking in the situation with his signature oblivious curiosity.
Jungkook’s notebook is a crumpled mess, some papers that were ripped out when it was thrown against the wall littering the floor. Breathing heavily, his mother is half-way out of her seat, a rare show of emotion that keeps Jungkook frozen in shock, still reeling from the pain from his cheek.
From the corner of his eye he sees Taehyung reach down slowly to pick up his notebook and smooth out the remaining sheets of paper, closing his eyes because he knows what the other will read.
‘ I don’t want to go back home.’
“I’ll be back next week to pick you up.” In no time his mother is back to her composed and closed off self, the dismissive finality of her tone leaving Jungkook with his head down in defeat as she straightens up, briskly leaving the room.
When she’s gone Taehyung cautiously enters, taking the seat previously occupied by her. Jungkook doesn’t look at him, but the moment he feels a cool hand on his increasingly red cheek he slaps it away, curling into himself.
First Taehyung is confused, then there seems to be some sort of revelation he makes because he’s grabbing Jungkook’s shoulders, turning him towards him forcefully. “Kookie, are you—did she… Did she hit you?”
There’s this murderous glint in Taehyung’s eyes that scares him, reminded of that night where the other confessed his past to him. Jungkook grabs the notebook away from Taehyung and writes fast, shoving it back in the other’s hands before he has the time to decide on whether to stay with Jungkook or go after his mother.
‘Just let her go. She was just upset because I didn’t want to go home.’
“But that doesn’t give her a reason to hit you! Does she do it often?” Taehyung asks sharply, body tense. He’s so serious, so different than his usual self that Jungkook sees just how wrong his first opinion of the older male was, how much Taehyung has been hiding about himself from everyone. There's a darkness in him, a churning black anger that Jungkook senses stems from good intentions but has a large potential to get him in trouble.
‘No, she doesn’t! This is the first time.’ Jungkook lies, because saying that it’s happened before even if it was only twice will only make things worse.
“Is this why you won’t speak? Because of your mother?” Taehyung isn’t asking, the blunt accusation like a blow to Jungkook’s chest.
Jungkook grabs a hold of Taehyung before he can get up, holding him tight with no intention of letting go. He shakes his head furiously, eyes burning as he tries to calm both himself and Taehyung down. It would be a lie for him to say he isn’t scared of what Taehyung would do if he let him go, and he doesn’t want the boy to do anything he would later regret. But Taehyung's pulling against him, face set like he has more than a few things to say to his mother.
‘It isn’t just her. She’s not a bad mom.’
He’s scrambling to find something to say that will have the tightly coiled tension in Taehyung's shoulders disappear, but nothing is coming and he’s growing increasingly frazzled and frustrated.
“If she treats you like this then is she really a good mom? You’re lying, Jungkook. You don't have to protect her, or hide anything from me. You trust me, right? Why don’t you just tell me what the problem is? Maybe I can help. Why don't you talk?”
"Look, it’s Jungkook. Let’s take the long way home.”
"Why hasn’t he transferred out of our school yet? He’s so annoying.”
"Shhh! He’s right there!”
"So? There’s four of us and one of him. He can’t do anything.”
Jungkook’s shaking, shutting down, and he knows it. He knows in the back of his mind that Taehyung is like this because he cares for him and yet he’s still scared, terrified. He doesn’t want to ruin anything by speaking, by saying the things he's kept carefully hidden for years. If he speaks all of the people who have been so nice to him will realize that he’s not worth it and they’ll leave. He knows they’ll leave.
“Don’t speak.”
“Not now, Mom’s busy today.”
“Go to your room, Jungkook. Your father isn’t coming today.”
The fog is back and it’s advancing on him faster than ever before. His chest is tightening. He can’t breathe. All he can think of is the feeling he always gets when he's alone with his thoughts, going over all of his faults. He can’t breathe no matter how much he tries he just can’t breathe and it makes him feel so lost and alone and scared even though Taehyung’s right next to him. He might even be saying something but his ears are ringing and he can’t hear anything. What is he saying? Jungkook can only imagine the worst.
At one point Taehyung is shaking him, trying to get his attention. No matter how much Jungkook wants to listen to him he can’t, tears welling up in his eyes. Why can’t he just express himself like he wants to? His hands are shaking too much to even reach for the pen. He must be already letting Taehyung down with how he's acting. He's done so much for him and yet Jungkook won't even tell him, be honest like Taehyung always is with him.
“Jungkook-”
“Sorry,” Jungkook gasps out, voice so quiet that he hardly hears it himself.
He can feel Taehyung freeze beside him and his heart skips a beat and then starts again two times faster, mind racing and trying to analyze what that reaction means. Is Taehyung disgusted already? Jungkook is too scared to look at his face, curling further into himself even though he can feel Taehyung pulling at him.
The word just tumbles out of his mouth repeatedly after that and he just can’t stop. He thinks that he’s sobbing, can feel tears running down his cheeks, leaving a salty taste in his mouth and he still can’t breathe. His chest hurts and his face is hot and there are noises all around him and he can’t, breathe-
His arms are being pulled away from his face and he sees Taehyung’s wet face and nurses gathered around them and it’s too much. Thankfully there's a sharp pain in his arm after the thought crosses his mind and then sweet, blissful darkness.
04.
“I’ve never seen him so shaken up.” Jimin had said three days after the incident, shaking his head in disbelief.
‘Is he mad?’ Jungkook had asked, hardly able to muster the motivation to even write.
“Mad?! Kookie-” Jimin paused after his outburst, taking a deep breath to calm himself, “No he’s not mad. I’ve never see him so worried and self-conscious before. He blames himself for what happened, you know.”
Jimin had fought to see Jungkook every day, coming back several times a day to ask Jungkook to talk to him. After talking with Jimin, Jungkook wished he did earlier. He couldn’t imagine that he could make Taehyung react like that – he was just too sure of himself and unbothered by everyone else.
‘Do you think he’ll talk to me?’ Jungkook doesn’t know how to fix this.
Jimin sighed, reaching over to pat Jungkook’s shoulder. “You can try, but after that day he won't let me see him. Do you know how frustrating it was for me since both of you wouldn’t see me? I could only get so much out of the nurses since they didn’t know much either. It didn’t help that Yoongi kept coming up with all these weird scenarios about what happened…”
Jimin keeps talking but Jungkook can't stop thinking about how Taehyung's locked up in his room. Surely if he doesn't want Jimin around Jungkook would be no different, he knows that, but hearing Jimin say it out loud makes him uncomfortable. He doesn't know why the thought of Taehyung rejecting him if he tries to talk to him makes the temperature in the room drop so much, but even the warm blanket around him doesn't keep him from shivering.
03.
There are only a two days left until Jungkook is going to be discharged and Taehyung still hasn’t left his room.
Jungkook has walked by it several times, coming up with several far-fetched reasons why he needs to walk that way to gather up the courage to do it. He’s just worried. Taehyung hadn’t looked good the last time he saw him. He’s too scared that Taehyung won’t want to see him if he asks that he hasn’t yet, staring at the door in hopes of it giving him the push he needed.
“Jungkook?” a voice comes from behind him.
He turns around to see Taehyung’s sister, Taeri, and flushes at getting caught.
“Are you here to see Taehyung? I heard what happened…”
Jungkook averts his gaze immediately, chewing at his bottom lip. She must hate him.
“Do you want to see him?” she asks again, taking him off guard.
The way she takes his hand and pulls him to the door shows that she’s not going to take no for an answer, so all he can do is follow her lead.
She really is Taehyung’s sister.
Jungkook hopes that this isn’t a bad idea. Leaving the hospital with them like this isn’t something he wants to do, but he doesn’t know what to expect if Taehyung even opens the door. Taeri knocks on the door and waits for Taehyung to reply. When he doesn’t she does it once more, yelling out his name before finally getting a response.
“Who is it?” Jungkook freezes at the sound of Taehyung’s voice.
“Who else would it be but me, Taehyung?” Taeri says with an eye roll, looking over at Jungkook and winking.
There’s the sound of movement on the other side of the door and some mumbling before its slowly opening. Taeri, seizing her chance, forces the door open the rest of the way and pushes Jungkook inside.
He runs right in to Taehyung and they’re stumbling back together, conveniently moving out of the way of the door so that Taeri can reach in and pull the it firmly shut.
“Talk it out!” she yells encouragingly from the other side of the door, but Jungkook doesn’t feel as enthusiastic as she sounds. “He was standing outside the door like a lost puppy!” He feels even less enthusiastic, now.
Jungkook quickly puts space between Taehyung and himself, embarrassed at being exposed. They stand in silence for a long time, both not looking at each other.
“Are you… okay?” Taehyung finally asks, and the vulnerability in his voice is terrifying.
Jungkook nods, fiddling with his hands to keep from running out of the room.
“I’m sorry for pushing you too far. Jimin always warned me but I didn't listen. I didn’t mean to make you react like that.” he continues, head bowed. "I was just worried and kept thinking about how she hurt you and kind of... lost control."
‘Jimin said you think you’re to blame but I don’t think that way. I don’t blame you.’ Jungkook wrote, glancing up at Taehyung when he hears the older make a small noise.
“You don’t – really?” he looks so hopeful and Jungkook feels really bad.
‘I don’t. Honestly. It's... I needed to hear it. So instead I should be saying thank you.’ he reassures, lips twitching upwards slightly even though the tension in the room weighs heavily on his shoulders.
Taehyung visibly deflates, falling back on his bed. Jungkook joins him after he pats beside him, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Taehyung appears to be returning to his normal self.
“I’m not good at this stuff.” Taehyung complains with a groan, “Jimin does this stuff.”
Jungkook laughs, shaking his head. ‘I know.’
Taehyung’s shooting up two seconds later, eyes wide as he looks at Jungkook. “You spoke.”
Jungkook flinches.
‘Was it bad?’ he dares to ask. His heart beats fast against his chest, but it’s manageable. ‘I won’t do it again.’
“No!” Taehyung’s quick to say, flailing and shaking his head like he’s afraid Jungkook will break down again at any second. “You have a nice voice. If it was a different situation I would have been happy that you spoke.”
Jungkook stares Taehyung down, trying to detect any sign that he’s not telling the truth. ‘Really?’
“Really! You should talk more often. I can just imagine the look on everyone’s faces if you just started talking one day. It would be the best.”
Unsure of what to say Jungkook sits quietly, letting Taehyung’s words sit in his mind.
“Why don’t you talk?”
He wants to talk.
So he starts off with writing, kept going only by Taehyung looking over his shoulder. He wants Taehyung to know everything, to be able to share the same honesty that Taehyung showed him.
02.
On his last day in the hospital, Taehyung appears by Jungkook’s bed exactly like the first time he met him.
It’s the last time that his doctor will be meeting with him like this, there to see him off rather than do any tests. Jungkook hadn’t realized how much he enjoyed the doctor and nurses that took care of him for all this time, and while he doesn’t know how to properly express it, he can only hope that they understand through how much he thanks them.
When the doctor leaves Taehyung comes into his room, hair now black instead of the bright orange from the first time but his expression is just as bright as it was that day.
There’s so much Jungkook wants to say. He’s being discharged tomorrow and thinking that he almost wasn't able to see Taehyung for one last time makes him light-headed. He doesn’t want to lose touch with Taehyung or anyone else he’s become so close with over these months. He doesn’t want to go back to how he used to be. As if Taehyung can tell how hard Jungkook is thinking and worrying about the future he raises his eyebrows, as if to tell him to relax. Jungkook frowns and looks down.
But then Taehyung smiling that box smile at him, leaning in to his personal space and draping himself over him just like normal and really, that’s enough.
01.
Jungkook is discharged the next day.
00.
“See, wasn’t that easy?” his grandmother would say after they finished counting together, a kind smile on her face as she handed Jungkook his present. “Now, since you’ve finished counting you should be very grateful for your life and all that you have. All you need to do for your old grandma is to always remember that, okay?”
Jungkook walks down the street calmly, hands stuffed in his pockets and a hood pulled over his head. His mouth moves silently as he counts up and down from eighteen, so absorbed in his memories that he doesn’t see the other person on the narrow sidewalk until their bumping into each other.
“Hey, look where you’re going!” the man exclaims, reaching out to steady himself before he can fall.
Jungkook pauses a moment before bowing in apology.
The man waves him off and keeps going. Jungkook continues on once he’s out of sight, picking back up from six as he looks out for the brightly lit sign pointing out the fast food place Taehyung told him to meet everyone at. They had all insisted on having a big birthday party but Jungkook didn’t like flashy things like that. Plus Namjoon worked until late today and still has to work tomorrow so he doesn’t want to be a bother.
The moment he pushes open the door he sees that even though he’s quite early Yoongi is already there. He gestures for Jungkook to join him.
“Here, put this in your ear,” Yoongi says immediately, passing him an ear bud when he’s close enough.
Confused but obedient, Jungkook slides into the seat next to the older male, fixing the ear bud into his ear. Then music starts to play, and when Jungkook hears Yoongi start to rap he completely brightens, mouth dropping open in shock as he looks up at him.
“Happy birthday, kid.” he says, looking smug from Jungkook’s reaction.
“Thanks, hyung!” Jungkook exclaims, and it’s his turn to be smug as Yoongi splutters at him, eyes growing wide in shock. Jungkook just smiles and puts his finger over his mouth, shushing the male so he can properly listen to the song.
Though Jungkook doesn’t talk much, he’s had much more practice after the first day he decided to move on. Most of his progress has to do with Taehyung, the male making it his goal every time they met to see how much he could get Jungkook to talk, to see how loud he could make him get.
There’s another ring of a bell and Namjoon and Seokjin are walking in, shoulders and hands touching as they both come through the door at the same time. Jungkook smiles and waves at them, but they don’t stay long since they’re the ones ordering the food.
Jungkook hasn’t done much else when the door is opening again. This time it’s Jimin, Hoseok and Taehyung, already loud as they yell that they’ve arrived.
“You guys are late.” Jungkook says, watching the three sit at the table.
It takes Jimin a moment to realize that Jungkook actually spoke, mouth dropping just as Hoseok’s eyes widen. But then Jimin is composing himself, reminding Jungkook once again why he likes him so much. “You’re talking! When did this happen?”
“It happened because of me!” Taehyung announces smugly, sliding next to Jungkook and draping his body over him casually.
“Why didn’t I know about this sooner?” Jimin asks, looking like someone just kicked his puppy.
“Because you never asked?” Jungkook responds easily, smiling when Taehyung laughs.
“You’re surprisingly cheeky, Jungkook-ah. I couldn’t tell when you were just writing things down.” Hoseok observes, laughing at Jimin’s hurt face.
“Where did my innocent baby go?” he asks to the air.
Jungkook glares at him half-heartedly, because since when was he just an innocent child? He was eighteen now; a legal adult.
“I took it out of him. Since we're dating now.” Taehyung responds as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and it grows completely silent.
“You're what?” everyone screams, Jungkook burying his head in his hands. Jimin looks like he’s going to cry.
Taehyung just shrugged, leaning in to press a wet and noisy kiss to Jungkook’s cheek.
“Looks like a lot happened in the month we’ve been apart.” Yoongi mumbles numbly after a few more tense seconds.
“Taehyung-” Jungkook groans in exasperation, trying to bring down the red in his face as he pushes Taehyung’s face away from his.
Despite Jungkook feeling like he would rather be digging a hole at the moment it gradually gets louder again, Hoseok starting up a rapping battle with Taehyung as Jimin serves as the beat boxer and Yoongi judges. Jungkook can already tell the way it will end by the disgusted face Yoongi makes when Taehyung tries to copy one of Yoongi’s own freestyle raps from when they all ate lunch together at the hospital last month.
Jungkook can remember when he thought that the seven of them having their problems meant that there was no good in the world. Back then, thinking about all of the obstacles that they would have to deal with for the rest of their lives seemed like a curse given to them that would ruin their lives for good. Now, though, laughing and joking around with everyone like there was nothing to worry about, he realizes that even with their problems they can be happy.
There really is good in the world.
“Foods ready!” Seokjin announces, Namjoon right behind him carrying a second tray.
The volume spikes dramatically with the addition of burgers and fries, all seven of them finally gathered together. Jungkook’s stomach hurts with how much he has laughed, especially when Yoongi finally snaps and starts pelting Taehyung with fries.
He knows without a doubt this is his favorite birthday.
It’s incredibly rowdy and loud with six people who don’t know the first thing about consideration for the other customers, but as Jungkook catches Taehyung’s eye as he dances on top of the table and dodges cold fries Jimin and Hoseok throw at him, he decides that he doesn’t mind.