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Glasses clinked together; a light chatter constantly filled the room. It was a nice place to socialize for the most part. He looked at his own barely touched bottle, the orange light above him buzzed like a broken streetlamp. Vash sighed, his back was sore, and he needed something to relieve the pain, even if it was just temporary. Though the alcohol tasted bitter and made him want to puke.
He hadn't been able to stomach much of anything since breakfast that morning. He had eaten so much breakfast since he was hungry from having a small dinner the night before with everyone. Obviously, rations were low since they'd all been on the move for so long. So, he had bought donut's that morning, Meryl had grabbed 2 jelly donuts, Roberto had only grabbed 1 chocolate one, and Wolfwood had grabbed a chocolate one with sprinkles and one with maple and bacon on it. Vash had eaten the other donuts but left half untouched for later. His stomach ached for food to stomach the alcohol, or to not eat. He couldn't quite tell.
“Hey bartender, you got any light snacks I can get? I don't want to be another sloppy drunk to deal with later! Hehe,” The bartender shrugged and slipped away from the counter to go grab something. Vash sighed, he could feel himself hiccupping. “Guh.. I'm gonna regret this, aren't I?” He set his head in his hands as he waited for the bartender to return. Watching the other people slink in and out, having small conversations. No fights or drunken harassers, it was kind of nice despite the growing headache from the alcohol and the pain that he could feel in his body.
The bartender returned with some toast and water. Vash felt a hiccup escape him as he searched his pockets. “Thank you.. hiuc , eugh . Sorry, how much will that be?” Vash found his money and turned back to the bartender who was quietly muttering some math under her breath. Even with his slightly foggy head he could figure out how much it was from the math. Counting the money he needed in his other hand. “The total should come to 24 double dollars and 7 sea cents, unless you order more.”
He saw her glare slightly, frowning at the alcohol. He slightly shrugged and handed the exact money amount to her, slinking forward against the counter. “I'm not planning on it- hiuc . So don't worry too much.”
He watched as the bartender disappeared to go deal with a drunk somewhere in the bar. Vash capped the bottle of alcohol and set it to the side next to his jacket. That he had taken off earlier as the weight of his coat made his body ache even more, which he just couldn't bear to deal with at the moment. Grabbing the toast and nibbling on it. Hoping somehow this would ease his headache he was starting to get. While trying not to puke from eating anything at all.
His thoughts started to individualize and become clearer, though still foggy. He felt a hand touch his shoulder, it was warm and familiar. The pain felt gone for a moment, though it rushed back to him almost instantly. “What are you doing here, Needle Noggin?”
Vash smiled and turned to look at Wolfwood. Flashing a small smile. “Ah, hello Wolfwood! I just wanted a drink. And thankfully there were no bounty hunters as far as I could see here. So I just wanted to grab a drink!” Wolfwood looked at the bottle, a quarter of it was gone. He looked at Vash's jacket then to Vash. His shoulders were broad, though he could tell they were tense.
Wolfwood grabbed a stool and sat next to Vash. “Your smile seems rather dull, Vash..” Vash blinked a couple times. He wasn't used to Wolfwood actually calling him by his name, just nicknames. He laughed ditzly. His laughter and hiccups clashed together. “ Hiuc - I told you before, I can still see it in your eyes. You are a good person. Ehee..” Wolfwood scoffed, snatching the bottle. Drinking a little then setting down the bottle. “That's not what I was asking about. You know that,” Vash tilted his head a little in confusion. Wolfwood thought that made him look like a lost puppy.
“A damn cute one at that..” He muttered under his breath, he wished he could get rid of these strange thoughts. Seeming to be plaguing his mind as well as the other more violent ones. But he had grown used to that by now and tried ignoring them the best he could. He looked at Vash, trying to see what he was thinking, to get any sort of idea. Vash spoke. “They haven't run us out of this town yet. I think we might be able to stay for a little. It'd be nice to just have a bed for a bit!” Vash hiccuped and laid his head on the counter.
Vash did have a point, and good lord Wolfwood just wanted something soft to lie on. And besides, if they were leaving soon Meryl and Roberto would have grabbed them by now. He shrugged, stretching his sore arms. Eh why the hell not.
He rang the bell at the counter, summoning the bartender. He leaned over the counter. “Hey, I have a question, is there any Inn nearby or perhaps any room we could rent?” The bartender nodded. “Yes, we have some rooms upstairs. That'll run you 30 double dollars for 2 rooms, but if you're sharing one it'll only run you 15 double dollars.” Wolfwood searched his pockets for money, only finding a 20 and some snuffed cigarettes. “I only have enough for one room. So here.”
He passed the money to the bartender. The bartender eyed him, then noticed her looking towards Vash. She then looked back towards him. “Since you two didn't cause me much trouble, take the second room on the right. It has two beds, though it is one single room. Only issue may be is there is only one bathroom.” Wolfwood leaned back. Somehow that felt like a relief, it had been a while since he had his own bed to sleep in. “Thanks,” Wolfwood half muttered.
The bartender walked away. And Vash raised his head, looking at Wolfwood. Vash felt sick to his stomach, he couldn't tell in what way he was nauseous. If it was because he ate too much or drank alcohol without any food in his stomach. He didn't want to move from where he sat. So, he opted for trying to drink water. “Needle Noggin,” Wolfwood grunted. Vash looked towards him. His head buzzed in discontent towards every sound he heard. God he shouldn't have drunk. “Hmm.. hiuc - ah god dammit.” Vash tried to drink some water before his vision blanked out. He didn't want to quite move in case he fell asleep. Instead putting his hands on the counter unsteadily to at least try and balance himself.
When his vision blurred back together, he could see his arms shaking. Vash slowly grabbed his water and drank some of it. Holding his glass of water with shaky limbs. The buzz of the lights echoed in his ears, he barely made out his own name. “Vash! Fuck come on, we’re going back.” He saw Wolfwood staring at him, his eyes seemed softer and more concerned. If he was being honest, he couldn't tell if he was seeing things straight because of how much his head resisted moving. And yet Wolfwood was lifting him off the bar stool and putting his arms around his neck. “What are you doing? I can still - hiuc walk..”
He tried to stand up properly, but his body didn't want him to. His body had felt worse recently and he couldn’t figure out why. And his head begged him to get food and water so that he wouldn't pass out or be a burden.
Wolfwood grumbled, steadying Vash as he stumbled forward. Wrapping his arm around Vash's side. His other arm slung Vash's jacket over his shoulder. Vash was lighter than the Punisher so it would be fine. Less strain on his muscles for certain, though they still felt sire. Eventually they got to the top of the stairs seeing the long hall of doors. “The second door on.. hiuc - the right. Right?” Vash's voice cracked. Vash saw Wolfwood nod. He struggled against his own body to stand upright and walked towards the door. Willing himself to stand for just a moment.
Trying to open the door. But instead of that his own legs collapsed underneath him. The quickness of the moment made his vision go blurry, his vision going spotty before entirely losing vision. Vash’s closed eyes shut in agony from the pain in his head, the splitting pain keeping him conscious. Footsteps rushing over and the door opening then closing.
He tried to will himself to open his eyes but his head begged him to not do that. Vash could feel himself being set on a soft surface, then he felt a heavy material touch his legs. He felt a jolt of pain rush through him. “Ungh, that hurts..”
The weight lifted off of his legs, then he felt himself fall forward. Wolfwood caught his body, they both sat on what seemed like one of the beds. “Vash?” He wasn't used to Wolfwood saying his name, especially like this. It sounded gentle unlike his usual gruff and sarcastic manner. In light of that though it was strange, he didn’t mind it. He actually thought of it to be quite nice. “Yeah..?” His throat felt sore, scratchy from the alcohol. “Are you hurt? Even as a drunk you should at least be able to open a door without almost passing out. Not to mention you didn't drink that much, you only drank a quarter of a small bottle. It's kind of pathetic.”
Vash went to speak but he could only hiccup, his voice caught in his throat. So instead, he just hung his head low. Leaning against Wolfwood, hearing him scoff. Seeming to be back to his usual self. “That's not an answer, idiot.” He just nodded and shrugged. He didn't want to cry, and he was too tired to even be able to. But he felt so useless just sitting here.
Wolfwood felt Vash shaking. Vash’s limbs shook, the sensation between his skin and clothes started to feel more suffocating, like little static shocks of pain. He remembered seeing Vash tensed up earlier, so much so that he would take off his favorite, and iconic jacket. He looked at Vash's shoulders, they were still tense and shaken. “Are your clothes heavy? You seem tense,” Wolfwood saw Vash's face turn bright red, he tried to speak but only managed to squeak, “look blondie, I'll get you a bath running. Because clearly, you're in discomfort, there's a reason you wanted to get alcohol. You're not that dumb.”
Wolfwood sat up and walked in front of Vash. His blond hair fell in front of his face. He grabbed Vash's glasses which were sliding down his nose. “For now, just sit here. I'll help you once I find some clothes for you and start you a bath if that's what you want.” He set the glasses on the dresser and rummaged through the drawers, finding an extra change of clothes. Presumingly for people who got drunk and threw up on themselves and needed another pair. The set of clothes was a blouse and some sweatpants.
Wolfwood stood up to move to the bathroom. Vash could hear Wolfwood's footsteps going towards the bathroom door. He could feel his heart in his throat.
He didn't want to be alone without Wolfwood right now. And he wanted this pounding headache to go away.
He tried to reach out to where Wolfwood was. Grabbing his rough hand. “ Hiuc - don't go yettt. Please..? Ehe..” His voice came out slurred with hiccups and his head making everything difficult to do. His voice came out more desperate than he had wished. There was a sort of hesitation in his movement. “Well then Needle Noggin, can you decide? Or is that alcohol with no food getting to you quicker than you liked.” Vash shrugged. “ Hic - It's not that, Nick, it's my head… Eugh dammit, I think gunna puke.”
Wolfwood lifted Vash up off the bed, guiding him carefully to the bathroom. “Puke in the toilet, it'll be easier for us and the staff. I'll start the bath running in a moment.” Vash nodded, he seemed out of it. Wolfwood brushed Vash's hair out of his face, tucking it back behind his ears. Then he threw up, it came out in a slew. The gross texture ran out of Vash's mouth. It tasted bitter and chunks of food in his mouth from that morning. He coughed it out into the toilet. “Sorry Wolfwood.. I'm just trouble right now- hic -”
Vash felt his head feel a bit lighter. He got himself to open his eyes. Looking up towards Wolfwood. Wolfwood just scoffed, his head turned in another direction, messing around with something. “Yeah, well you always are. Just this time is a little different. Now are you gonna explain yourself, Needle Noggin? Because something is clearly going on. I tried to get you to bed but you were in discomfort from a blanket. So fess up.” Wolfwood hissed, turning back towards Vash, his blue eyes stared at him. They were misty and distant.
Vash sighed, his head buzzing and his body aching more by the second. He didn't want to be a burden. But there was no sign of Wolfwood ever letting up. “You were right earlier, my clothes are heavy on my body. I don't know what it is, but it hurts. Hiuc - More than usual anyways.” The last bit slipped out, making him wish he hadn't spoken. He felt Wolfwood pulling him up. Lifting his head to face him.
“I knew it, Hah! Now I have some clothes on the rack you can change into, and the bathtub is halfway full with some cold water. It helps I promise. Now if you need help since your muscles are tensed up and stressed I can help.” Vash nodded, his movement slurred. Though better than before. “Yeah- hic I definitely need that.” Wolfwood helped Vash tug off his skintight shirt.
“Needle Noggin..”
Vash's body was banged up badly, he had red bruises painted across his hips and sides. Scars were all around his torso, front and back. There were more faded scars but there were also newer ones that still needed to be stitched up. And there was an open wound near one of the bruises, there was probably more. Wolfwood grabbed a cloth and got it wet with warm water. Then went back over to Vash, cleaning the open cuts. Vash grunted at the cloth going over the bruises. After going over the bruises, Wolfwood lifted one of Vash's hands.
“Do your hands, er hand, hurt too?” Vash nodded. “Anything else?” Vash didn't nod or shake his head. Giving the impression that it always did. A silent yes, he didn't want to be a problem. Wolfwood moved his hands to Vash's as they sat on the bathroom floor. Wolfwood traced his fingers over Vash's veins. Applying only light pressure as to not cause too much discomfort for him.
Vash could feel as Wolfwood applied pressure to some sections in his arm, while it still hurt. It was less painful than before. His arm started to feel less tensed up, the static sensation tightening his skin starting to fade. Though his shoulders still were. Which Wolfwood seemed to notice all too quickly.
Wolfwood stretched his own hands, feeling the blood rush temporarily back to his hands. Bruised from using the Punisher and carrying it constantly. He moved over to Vash's shoulders. Carefully massaging them to get the tension to spread out so it was less concentrated. “ Hngh !” Vash grunted as he applied pressure on the shoulder that had a prosthetic tightly attached to it. Wolfwood started to wonder if this pain was recent or not.
“Want me to ask why somehow the spots on your body most in pain are your arm, shoulders, and legs? Despite all these scars.” Vash thought for a moment what it was. Then the memory of what it was rushed back to him, he had been so preoccupied that he had forgotten to mend his wounds. “Well, a little bit before I met you, I ran into the Nebraska - hiuc Family and I ended up trying to pull up Gofsef since he was dangling in the air about to fall. As well as carrying a Plant and its- hic - tank. And when we first met. Y'know how Zazi basically had the Worm start to digest me and my feet got stuck in it. That's probably the reason for my legs. - Hic -Not even factoring the fact I've had to be on the move for so long. I wouldn't be too surprised if your back, arms, and legs hurt like mine did. Especially carrying around the Punisher.” Wolfwood couldn't refute that. Vash was right about the pain. For both him and Vash himself. He couldn't even begin to think of what it felt like to be through all of that with that pain and still continue to live despite it all, and how painful getting those scars must have been.
“Tsk, you and being caring doesn't make much sense at all. Considering how many people have hurt you,” Wolfwood stopped massaging Vash's shoulders and stood up to grab the clothes on the rack, he handed them to Vash, looking him straight in the eyes, “take a bath, I promise it helps,” Vash nodded. Watching Wolfwood leave the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
After a moment he got into the bath, the cold water shocked him. Before ultimately settling into the cool water. It stung him, but he could feel his muscles loosen up and destress. The water warped around his body, enveloping him like a blanket. The bath seemed to help his head, bringing the pounding headache down to a slight buzzing. He soaked in it for a while, just trying to relax. He could see his Plant markings appearing where human veins should be, glowing. Vash stood up quickly grabbing the towel and drying himself to see if the pattern would go away.
He wasn't ready to tell any of them yet. He wasn't ready to tell him . He put on the blouse as he tried to get out of the tub. Vash had only got to put on some undergarments before his vision had started to blur. He still hadn't actually had food or enough water to drink. And perhaps freaking out about this didn't really help. He slipped on the wet floor and landed onto the floor with a thud. His head felt light and fuzzy with static sharp stabs, and his vision sort of meshed everything together. His arms held up his body as he tried to sit or stand up. He heard Wolfwood approaching the door.
Wolfwood opened the door to see Vash. Markings glowing all over his body. Wolfwood could also see some acid burns on his legs from what seemed to be caused from the Worm trying to eat him. He saw some strange markings covering Vash's body. Lining where veins were except for the markings that were on his face. The markings glowed through the blouse.
At first he thought the markings under the blouse were tinted. Since the other markings glowed a sort of deep blue, and the ones around his chest glowed lighter. But then he noticed the markings located near the bottom of his stomach and the upper part of his were also glowing a lighter blue than the rest. Only his upper chest and that small area at the bottom region of his stomach and upper leg region that connected to his torso was lighter.
Vash saw his gaze and grabbed his towel, trying to cover his chest and lower stomach area with it. Wolfwood could see tears start to fall down his face while hiccupping. Vash brought his knees up to his chest. Trying to hide his body and face. More so his body.
Wolfwood moved over towards Vash. He had never seen him so unguarded, or in this shape. He offered a hand to Vash, who didn't seem to notice through the tears and hiccups. “ Hiuc - No.. not now. Not- hic now.. I wasn't ready..” His voice quivered. Wolfwood grunted. He shouldn't be helping his target. But there was just something strange about him. Something that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Maybe it was the way he cared for everyone, and tried to save everyone. Or perhaps his mysteriously empty smile, that he could tell hid something painful. Or the way he glowed like an angel, the way that may make anyone believe that god and angels exist. The way the scars made him glow even brighter and more beautiful, and showed how strong he must be.
Wolfwood carefully offered out his hand in front of him. Vash saw his hand through obscure vision. He finally nodded, hiccupping. Wolfwood lifted him off the ground, allowing Vash to lean on him. “Do you need help to walk? Or do your legs feel okay, Needle Noggin,”
Vash nodded slightly, still tightly clinging to the towel, using it to hide himself. Wolfwood grabbed the towel, getting Vash to look at him directly. His eyes seemed distant, and his mouth was curled into a sad smile. “Vash,” he sighed, “you don't need to tell me, you don't owe me an explanation for this. For being who you are. Stop hiding away from yourself. Or did you forget what I said some time ago?” Wolfwood helped him out of the bathroom back to his bed. Helping him sit down.
Vash's figure was something he had never expected. On all the bounty poster's he had worn a red jacket with a skintight shirt that went up to his neck. Glasses that covered his eyes and he had a sort of spiky hair, depending on the depiction. But sitting before him was this person, that he would of never expected from the humanoid typhoon. He was delicate like a flower from the way his personality was, but he was strong.
He glowed like a star in the night sky and was the most delicate and caring person he had ever met. Too delicate for his own good. He cared about everyone too much. He couldn't help but wish he could do what Vash does. His blouse hung loosely around his torso, it was very see-through. And like his torso his legs were covered in those mysterious markings, and deep and torn at scars. The scars looked painful.
He could still hear Vash sniffling and hiccupping. Wolfwood didn't quite know what to do. So he sat next to Vash, letting him lean on him in the silence.
Vash didn't know what to say, tracing his markings with his prosthetic arm. He looked at Wolfwood. Then looked away. A guilt rang inside of him. He wanted to tell him. But he didn't know how to. He didn't want to mess it up. Vash could feel his head start to pound, telling him to get food and water. To lie down too. But he couldn't just leave looking like this. He looked like a monster. He pocketed his jacket, pulling out some money. Counting through how much he had.
“What are you doing?” Wolfwood caught Vash counting his money. “Uh, I just want water. And food.. Sorry- hic ” Wolfwood sat up and offered out his hand. “I can get you food and water, just give me the money. For now, just rest,” Vash nodded, handing him the money. Wolfwood ruffled Vash’s wet hair, scrunching it up. Then walked to the door and disappeared. He felt his weight collapse under him. Landing on the soft blanket. Grabbing his jacket and squeezing it tightly.
“Nicolas D. Wolfwood…” He felt dumb. Why did he let Wolfwood help him? There was this strange feeling whenever Wolfwood helped him. It was different. Like he wanted to be with Wolfwood no matter what happens to himself. He loved this strange feeling of being cared for, but he felt guilty. He was just becoming another thing for someone else to deal with. Something that would hurt him. He rolled over to look at the window. There was a big window, curtains covered it up. Vash let go of his jacket and pressed his weight into his hands and forced himself off the bed. Walking over to the window.
As he drew back the curtains, he found that it was actually a balcony. This seemed like a luxury for only 20 double dollars. He started to wonder if the bartender thought they were a couple. Vash almost opened the window doors when he realized he’d be cold. Vash grabbed his towel and wrapped it around him. Not wanting to get the blanket dirty. He opened the balcony window, feeling the cool night air against his skin and looking out at the night sky.
Millions of stars twinkled across the sky, no city lights were on as it was a remote town, not near any others for iles. Everyone in the town was asleep except for the bar. He could hear the friendly chatter bustling downstairs. Vash leaned against the balcony rail, enjoying the cool night air and the dark blue sky.
Vash could hear the door open again, so he turned. Wolfwood had come back with a big bottle of water and some food that he couldn't quite see on a plate. Slipping off his shoes and taking off his jewelry. Wolfwood was muttering something about some drunkards and how they caused a ruckus. So he had to help. Wolfwood was just perfect to him. He'd hide it but he really did care about others. Vash couldn't help but laugh at the irony and the silly story. With his hiccups they seemed more like giggles, as he smiled at Wolfwood.
When Wolfwood looked at Vash, he was not so much as shocked when he saw Vash standing there, since he was leaning on something. But more so that he was laughing, an actual laugh. And his smile, he was genuinely happy and he was smiling.
Wolfwood didn't know what this feeling was, but he actually cared about Vash. In a way that he didn't understand, but that smile and laugh. And the urge to just take Vash into his arms and never let him go, to treat him the best that no one ever did. To dance with him under the night sky for the rest of time. Taunting whatever god may exist. For Vash to be with him despite his job.
He went to speak but his voice felt lost. He coughed trying to get himself to speak. Walking over near where the beds were located. “I got your water and food Needle Noggin.” Vash walked back over, sort of stumbling over his own feet. Then he turned to close the balcony’s window doors behind him. He felt happy, then he noticed his own reflection. He had forgotten what he looked like right now. The markings reminding him of what he hasn’t said to him. What he hated about himself, the light blue markings glowing brighter just as a painful reminder.
He let out a shaky breath, hanging his head low as he walked towards Wolfwood. Hugging his chest, trying to hide his bright blue markings. Standing in front of Wolfwood he lifted his head. Wolfwood’s eyes looked back at his own. A deep brown that complemented his dark skin. Vash smiled again.
“Thank you Wolfwood.” Taking the bottle of water from his hands and plate of food from the other. He turned to walk back to his bed, setting down the bottle and plate on the dresser. Vash went to say something, to try and explain, he turned around. Then he saw his reflection in the window again. His markings were glowing brighter than before. He wanted to cry.
But he couldn’t, Wolfwood was here. He wasn’t ready, but Wolfwood could see him now. He stood frozen in place looking at his reflection, the light blue markings glowed brighter than the rest. And he still hadn’t told Wolfwood the truth about himself, what and who he was. He deserved to know. He could feel his body shaking more than before.
Then, he felt a sudden warm embrace from behind. Rough and scarred hands held him tightly.
Vash turned his head slowly, he knew it was. He didn’t need to look to know whose hands these were. He saw Wolfwood holding his waist, not hugging him anymore. Wolfwood’s face grew a little red when he saw Vash looking at him. Wolfwood didn’t quite know what he was doing. He wanted to comfort Vash, he could tell he was hurting himself again. And he didn’t know why he could tell. Or why he cared so goddamn much about him. When did he start to care so much? Maybe it was best to just be honest, as much as he could be. Wolfwood didn’t know what this feeling was inside of him, but he knew that he wanted to help Vash right now.
He sighed, his voice sounding a bit gruff. “I don’t know what’s happening with you, Needle Noggin. Not in the slightest, but you don’t have to explain, trust and relationships take time. That’s something I know all too well, just stop being so scared of who you are. Because despite whatever you are, despite everything it’s still you. You've never been nothing else but yourself. And you look so amazing right now with your scars and everything else about you! And somehow you can’t see that and it’s killing me.”
Wolfwood exhaled heavily. His face felt hot with embarrassment, not because of the words he was saying but because now this feeling inside of him got worse as he talked about how he felt. Those strange thoughts were leaking into his words, and he still couldn’t understand them.
Vash could feel his trembling arms, and he let out a shaky breath. He hadn’t heard anyone say something like that to him before. He rested his head on Wolfwood’s shoulder. And Wolfwood could hear Vash’s shaky breath against his neck. And his tight squeeze around his body. Vash started to hiccup again, like he was trying to stay quiet and trying to not cry.
Wolfwood shifted his weight around, allowing Vash to lean into him more. “It’s okay, I’m right here, Vash.” Vash could feel his eyes waver, feeling tears form in his eyes. He let himself cry into Wolfwood’s shoulder. His shaky breath came out unevenly. His markings glow wavered with his breathing. “- hic ..Nicolas..” Vash managed to say between his crying and his uneven breathing. Wolfwood could feel his warm breath on his neck, and Vash mumbling his name. He could feel Vash’s body against his. Wolfwood wrapped his arms around Vash’s back.
Vash felt safe in his arms, he relaxed against Wolfwood’s body. He exhaled warmly, his tears starting to dry up. Leaning his head down against Wolfwood’s neck. Resting his eyes and just relaxing against him. Wolfwood felt his chest become lighter.
Oh, oh.
He finally realized what it was. Why he had been thinking those silly sappy things about him. He had fallen for Vash. How had he just realized? Wolfwood could feel his ears burning up, he had no idea what he should say or do. For now, he was just going to let Vash rest. Though, he realized that he was starting to fall asleep on him. “Hey Needle Noggin, you still should eat. I didn’t go down there just to lollygag.” Vash nodded sleepily. Wolfwood guided him to sit down on the bed. Handing the plate of food to him.
Vash grabbed the plate of food, seeing Wolfwood’s face redder than usual. He seemed to be staring off into space. Vash looked at the food on his plate. It was a donut and some jerky. An odd combination for sure, but the donut seemed nice. Vash took a bite out of the donut, getting a sweet mouthful of strawberry jelly. It tasted nice, he smiled a little.
Looking back towards Wolfwood, Vash offered the donut out. Mouth full while asking. “Want a bite?” Wolfwood grinned a little, laughing a bit. “You haven’t eaten more recently than me. I got dinner before hitting the tavern in the first place. So I’m good.” Vash just nodded, going back to eating the donut. He just looked at Wolfwood as he ate.
The priest’s expression seemed more troubled than usual. It didn’t seem to be with something relating to his job though, given the redness of his face. The silence was starting to feel awkward.
So Vash finished off his donut. Tilting his head to look at Wolfwood upside down. Wolfwood noticed his gaze, so Vash stuck out tongue. “Blehhh! Hehehe!” He grinned at Wolfwood. Vash could see his face grow a little less red, as he tried to stifle a laugh. “You laughed! I got youuu! hic - Now do you wanna tell me what’s up?” Wolfwood’s face twisted around, becoming more frozen. Less readable. Not that it was any less him, but seeing him being able to express himself was a joy unlike any other. It made him feel funny, but in a way he hadn’t felt in a while. But just a little different.
“Hey Wolfwood, I know I’ve been a bit of trouble today to you. So I don’t mind if you need to talk about something that’s troubling you.” Wolfwood turned his head away, Vash couldn’t see his face anymore. “Your drunk Needle Noggin, don’t lie to me.” Vash could feel himself scoffing, something inside of him didn’t like this.
“I’m not lying, god I’m worse at lying when I do drink. I think..” His thoughts wandered, and Vash could hear Wolfwood snicker a little. “Point being you can talk to me. I can tell something’s bugging you.” Wolfwood turned his head back, his eyes furrowed in concentration. Vash looked back at him, raising his head to look at him straight. Wolfwood’s voice came out scratchy and dry. “I don’t even think you’d think of me in the same way if I told you what it was. You know what I do already. And that I’m a shitty person.”
Vash couldn’t really reply to that. He was in the same situation, if he told Wolfwood what he was and who he was he would never look at him the same anymore. Maybe he wouldn’t even like him anymore. He wouldn’t be able to see him the same way, not be able to talk to him the same way. Their relationship would be damaged.
Vash reached over to try and grab Wolfwood’s hand. Rough in his own hand. “Heh, I know what that feels like. Didn’t you see me crying earlier? It was pathetic of me really.” He could feel Wolfwood grab his hand tightly, but in a gentle manner. Wolfwood looked at Vash in his eyes. “Stop saying that about yourself. Just, gahh..” Wolfwood’s eyes were softer, they looked gentle. And his hand felt warm and comforting in his own.
Oh , it hit him, finally. Vash could finally understand what that feeling was. He loved Wolfwood. He had fallen for him. And those words Wolfwood had said to him earlier.
Vash finally could see that Wolfwood didn’t care what or who he was as long as it was him . That he liked him. Despite how he acted. All those words Wolfwood had said to him, finally processed. He felt like an idiot, his face growing warmer and burning up. He lowered his face.
“Ah fuck..” Vash mumbled, covering his mouth with his other hand. He exhaled slowly, trying to calm down. He lowered his hand and looked at Wolfwood again. “You accept me though, why would you think I wouldn’t do the same for you?”
Wolfwood felt his chest get heavier, with all of his pent-up feelings and guilt. And those unending thoughts of blood and death from memories and those invasive and disgusting thoughts. Feeling like shit for even having it slip into his mind. He let go of Vash’s hand, turning his head to try and not look Vash in his eyes. Disgusted at himself. “I’ve killed people, and not to mention I’m barely as much as a good guy you make me out to be.” Wolfwood could feel his eyes sting. He glanced to see Vash’s expression. Vash looked regretful. “I know that, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t have your reasons. You’ve been hurt, and while I don’t know why you chose this way to survive. It’s the only way you had.” Wolfwood could feel tears forming in his eyes, he looked downwards.
Wolfwood could swear he felt the weight of the Punisher in his hands, being able to vividly see the dark red blood that stained the cloth that covered it up. Until Vash grabbed his hands, seeing what was really right in front of him. Vash took Wolfwood’s hands, turning him towards him. Vash could see the tears welling up in his eyes. Vash circled pressure in Wolfwood’s palms, not completely relieving the pain right up against his skin. But making it less as painful.
Wolfwood started to cry, cool tears streaming down his face. Vash let go of his hands after a moment, speaking to him. “Is that all it is?” Wolfwood lifted his head, wiping away some of his tears. Exhaling shakily, looking towards Vash. “No. But like I said, you probably wouldn’t feel the same way towards me. It doesn’t really matter, Needle Noggin,” Wolfwood mumbled, feeling Vash grab his hands and pull him fully onto the bed. He saw Vash in tears.
Wolfwood could feel his heart in his throat. “Vash..?” Vash frowned, how could Wolfwood think he was so unlovable? He was so much better than he gave himself credit for. “You're an idiot you know! Look at yourself and what you do! Isn’t there a reason behind it all? That’s why..”
Vash gently let go of Wolfwood’s hands. Holding his face gently. Wolfwood could feel his face grow warmer under his cold hands, covered in those strangely gorgeous markings. Wolfwood’s eyes meet Vash’s again, his tear filled, kind eyes. He could feel his breath against his. Vash could see his brown eyes, filled with all of his emotions. Under his fingertips he could feel his skin, warm and familiar.
God, he fucking loved him.
“May I?” He asked quietly. Wolfwood could feel his heart racing faster, he could only make a small nod. Then Vash kissed him. He could feel all of his fear melt away. Wolfwood could feel his heart rate slow, feeling safe and secure. Right here with Vash. Vash felt Wolfwood’s warm skin under his fingers as he held his face, the cool air around them as they kissed. Vash let go, his breath wavering. He could feel Wolfwood’s warm breath against his own face. Vash exhaled dizzily, laughing. “I love you.”
The words had seemed miles away from him just moments ago. Vash’s laugh sent a warm feeling through his chest. And Vash’s words registered in his head, he didn’t know what to say or how to respond. He didn’t think this would happen.
Wolfwood tried to speak, uncertain if you were allowed to say it back or if he deserved too. Considering all that he had done. “I..” Wolfwood could feel his voice struggling to say a word. Vash could see him struggling to speak, he lowered his hands slowly. Grabbing Wolfwood’s hands again and raising them up against his face. Wolfwood could feel his hands against Vash’s body.
His body was cold but his face felt warm, he reached out his fingertips and traced his markings. Wolfwood could feel his doubts start to slip away, the intrusive violent thoughts still remained. Though it felt like they had accepted this part of him. The thoughts still hurt but he could live with, having Vash with him was enough.
Vash rested against Wolfwood’s touch. Feeling his warm rough hands trace his face in patterns. Wolfwood rested his palm against Vash's face, cupping his face. Feeling Vash’s hand pressed against his. Vash’s hand had scars on them, and he could feel how warm they were, pressed deeply into his body. Wolfwood sighed, looking at Vash and lowered his and Vash’s hand. Kissing his cheek. Vash felt his own face grow warm from the kiss. “Yo también te amo.”
The thoughts crept back through his head, bleeding together with thoughts of him and Vash. Muzzy images of him and Vash racing through his head, filling him with reassurance. He felt safe with him, with someone for the first time in ages. Squeezing Vash’s hands tightly, and the gentle massaging of Vash’s hands over his bruised knuckles.
Soothing some pain that he had for ages, even if it was just a small bit. It made him smile. Wolfwood’s face grew warm and he felt cold tears falling down his face. And he laughed, why was he crying? He fell down to the bed, feeling Vash’s hand holding his face again.
It felt cool against his warming face. Wolfwood looked up from lying on the bed and saw Vash was looking down at him. He was smiling sweetly as he leaned over him, holding his face.
Vash lifted his hand from Wolfwood’s face, toppling over onto Wolfwood from the loss of balance. He felt his face become hot, blinking in embarrassment. Wolfwood’s face just centimeters away from Vash’s he took hold of Vash’s face. “Wolfwood..?”
Vash could feel his hands shaking and see his marking glowing brighter. As he tried to not fall completely onto Wolfwood. Being too tired to lift himself more. Wolfwood exhaled, his breath warm against Vash’s face. “May I?” Vash hesitated, shaking his head once. And saw Vash’s face almost immediately scrunch up, as if in fear of what may happen.
Wolfwood let Vash’s face go, to allow him lie down against him, so they could hug instead of kiss. Still seeing Vash’s face scrunched up in fear, Wolfwood raised his body slightly then leaned his head up against Vash’s in an effort to let him know he understood him. Vash opened his eyes in surprise.
Vash tried to lower himself slowly next to Wolfwood. Wolfwood took his hands and put his hands around Vash’s waist and helped him lie down without him falling down on top of him. Vash as soon as he was down against the bed, wrapped his own arms around his chest.
“Sorry, I’m just not too sure yet.. It felt like if I did it would lead to more and..” Wolfwood sat up fully and offered his arms out in a hug. Which Vash leaned into, burrowing his head into Wolfwood’s shoulder. Wolfwood slowly took off his jacket and tossed it to his bed. Vash mumbled into his shoulder. “It felt wrong, thinking that it could lead to something more intimate like sex.. And that would basically have you pinned down and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable! And I.. already just don’t like the idea of sex..”
Vash stumbled over his words for a moment, trying to just get himself to explain. “I don’t.. Have positive experiences with physical touch.. it hurts and when it has happened people have either tried to rope me into things I didn’t feel comfortable doing, or just gave me injuries..” Vash wrapped his arms around his chest. “And people already think I’m a monster whenever they see me like this or learn who I am..” Wolfwood went to hug him more closely, before hesitating. Vash noticed his hesitation and nodded.
Wolfwood hugged him around his chest, Vash dropping his arms that were covering up his chest. Raising his head up, so Wolfwood could hug him better.
Wolfwood could feel Vash’s body relax against his hug, feeling his body shake against his arms. Seeing Vash looking down whilst frowning. Seeming to be frustrated at himself. Wolfwood could tell Vash knew he cared about him, but it really didn’t seem like he felt the same about himself. Judging by how Vash looked scared but ready for whatever choice he would make. He didn’t like how Vash seemed to be mistreated and just accepted it. But even worse was he still seemed to hate himself.
Wolfwood extended one of his arms and turned off the lamp, as the light was starting to hurt his eyes considering how dark it was outside. It sounded with a click, and he could see Vash’s marking glowing brightly in the dark. Wolfwood noticed that Vash was even more shaken up, his body rigid in terror. Seeing tears illuminated against Vash’s face from his marks.
Vash could feel himself freeze up, he always did. It always messed things up for others around him. And his markings, they showed everything wrong about him, just as his scars did. He had an idea what Wolfwood would think about his self-loathing, starting to feel even just a tiny bit better before being overwhelmed by his own thoughts. Overwriting his head with past comments and experiences.
He deserved this, his body was gross. Showing all of his mistakes and imperfections of how he could never make up for not being human or what people should even view him as. He shouldn’t be happy, everything he did only messed up what others could achieve and killed them. No matter how hard he tried, so why even try to protect himself. He deserved all of it. No matter how bad it hurt him.
He could feel tears streaming down his face rapidly. Vash opened his mouth to apologize. Before his throat stopped him, running out of breath just from crying. Feeling panic spike inside him and his breathing start to quicken. Trying to breathe.
Wolfwood could hear Vash gasping for air, he slowly backed away from the hug. Trying to see if Vash could even notice his presence in his panicked state. He could see Vash’s eyes, but they seemed distant. He noticed Vash’s hands trying to dig into his own skin. Trying to restrain himself.
Wolfwood grabbed his hands gently, then squeezing them. Vash looked at him. He could only feel his breathing worsen. Trying to motion towards his body in a discontent manner. Seeming distressed at both himself, but also in trying to express it shrinking down and taking his hands away and sinking them into his skin in desperation. Before stopping sinking his hands into his skin, feeling selfish for trying to possibly scare Wolfwood. Shrinking down into himself.
Wolfwood took his arms and lifted Vash up and hugged him. Trying to keep his own breathing slow.
He exhaled slowly and spoke quietly in a soft manner. “Try to match my breathing. And it’s okay if you don’t get it.” Wolfwood inhaled slowly then held his breath, before steadily exhaling again. Vash could feel Wolfwood’s warm embrace and steady heartbeat against him. Calm and warm.
He exhaled his breath unsteady and still trying to gasp for air. Before intaking a bunch of air and trying to exhale slowly despite how jittery he was. Wolfwood’s body felt safe, and warm like a blanket. Vash leaned forward into his hug and could feel his breathing starting to sync up more with Wolfwood’s.
Drawing out his last uneven breath to try to make it sound less desperate. Sounding more like a low whine instead.
Wolfwood heard it, opting to ask instead. Since there seemed like no other way to help him.
“Do you hate yourself?”
Vash looked up at Wolfwood, tears stopping. “What.? What do you mean?” Wolfwood looked in Vash’s eyes. “I mean exactly what I said, I’m asking if you hate yourself.” Vash went to open his mouth, feeling his own voice not cooperating. Shutting his mouth, slowly nodding. Squinting to try and not cry. “Do you happen to know why?” Wolfwood’s voice came out gentle sounding. Vash just shrugged, he didn’t know.
There were many things that had happened to him that he’d have to consider. Most of which had led to being hurt by those he considered friends, his own brother, or himself hurting friends. He hated hurting people. And those who had hurt him, being those he needed the most to take care of him.
Being locked in his room, being dragged by the arm from place to place. Being tied up like a helpless animal when caught on the occasion, often by trying to help others. An arm sliced off by his own brother.
There were other things too, like being treated as less than or an object so often. Maybe it was for the greater good-
“Vash!”
He snapped back out of his thoughts, looking up. Vash looked back at Wolfwood, he could feel tears running down his face. Wolfwood had cupped Vash’s face with his hands. Vash leaned towards the touch, smiling through tears. Wolfwood massaged his patterns. He could feel a small bit of discomfort leave him, he sighed content with sitting here. Staying still.
Wolfwood didn’t say anything, he didn’t know how to convince Vash that he wasn’t at fault for any of the hate Vash gave himself. Vash had always seemed to be the person able to do that, helping him especially over time. He leaned back slightly, allowing Vash space to move.
Maybe Vash just needed to be shown that he cares. “Hey, Vash?” Vash looked up, hearing his name slip off of Wolfwood’s tongue. It sounds like a melody.
Vash nodded and tilted his head, raising his metal hand to wipe his tears. Wolfwood traced a small scar that was on his cheek. He looked at Wolfwood’s hand then back to him. The stars glow flooded the room. “It’s not your fault. They didn’t listen to you, you can always try to help. But some people just won’t listen. And when those people don’t listen to your wishes, what you want to be respected, your boundaries. They are in the wrong, not you. You are never in the wrong for knowing your place. And you shouldn’t have to ever feel that way.” Wolfwood’s eyes followed Vash’s. Wolfwood could see his eyes, misty and wide eyed. He moved his fingers under Vash’s eyes, tracing under them gently.
“And I would let you know if I was ever feeling uncomfortable. But I would never be uncomfortable with who you are,” Wolfwood spoke softly, looking over Vash’s scars and markings in the star’s light. Some lighter scars wrapping under the light blue markings in a straight line. Noticing Vash weakly gesture towards the light blue markings on his upper chest, slightly lowering his head, looking down.
Vash exhaled before speaking, his voice quiet. “Even if I’m this? I look like a monster, in so many ways..” His voice cracked. Vash moved his hands to his neck, rubbing it like it ached. Wolfwood moved his hands up closer to just under Vash’s eyes. Wolfwood’s thumbs glided over Vash’s eyebags, moving his fingers slowly up and down the sides of his face.
Being extra gentle while going over any small scars and markings.
“You are not a monster, Vash. You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed of parts of you, they show who you are. And from what I can see your name is Vash, and I will love you no matter what you are, or what you end up looking like,” Wolfwood gave Vash a small smile, “you should never have to feel afraid to be yourself.” Wolfwood slowly slid his hands away from Vash's face.
Pressing his forehead against Vash’s. Vash stayed silent, tears tugging at the corners of his eyes. Feeling a weight that was stuck in his chest for so long, lessen. Vash pressed his body weight against Wolfwood’s body. Resting his head on his shoulder.
“Can I kiss you?” Wolfwood asked, his voice tender. Like he wanted to make sure that Vash was comfortable with him. Vash looked up, nodded his head smiling, leaning back slightly. Pressing his hands against the tears stuck in his eyes.
Wolfwood leaned closer to Vash, moving towards his neck. Kissing a scar wrapping around it. Vash could face grow flustered, gasping in shock. Wolfwood slid off the bed, lifting Vash into his arms. Raising Vash up higher then kissing the scar that wrapped around his chest that had light blue markings glowing on top of it.
Vash’s smile grew, happy tears falling down his face while he giggled. He was close enough to Wolfwood’s face to where he could kiss him. He leaned his head towards Wolfwood's, kissing the top of his forehead, then his broad nose.
Wolfwood was so beautiful, especially in the star's light. Wolfwood lowered him down onto his feet. Kissing the side of his neck gently.
“Heheheh, Nick..” Vash laughed, he smiled sweetly. Wolfwood smiled back. “I’ll be ready to listen when you feel ready to talk about it, or anything.” Vash looked down at his body, scars wrapping around him, and his markings dimming as he calmed down. He stepped back sitting on his bed. He sighed and looked to Wolfwood.
“I think I’m a bit ready now. I might mess it up..” Wolfwood sat back next to him on the bed, giving him a hug. “And that is completely fine.” Vash moved his arms gesturing towards the scar that wrapped around his chest with the light blue markings dimly glowing over it. “As you can tell, I’m not really human.. These glowing markings show that much. But despite that people still viewed me as a monster besides my markings. My body didn’t match me, who I am. So, I got top surgery to change my body, to reflect who I am. And other people, people who I thought were my friends didn’t like me anymore after. People knew I wasn’t like them because of this scar, and they knew and disliked me for it. Why else would there be a scar like that there?” He could feel his voice trail off.
Wolfwood’s gaze was soft, hugging him tighter. Vash leaned into the hug, feeling Wolfwood kiss the scar that ran across his neck again. Wolfwood gazed into his eyes, bringing a hand to his face. “You can stop talking about it if you need to. I understand.”
Vash nodded, leaning into his hand and shutting his eyes. Wolfwood ruffled through Vash’s hair with his other hand, planting a kiss on top of his head. He giggled softly, smiling, planting a kiss on Wolfwood’s palm. Opening his eyes and meeting Wolfwood’s eyes.
Hues of amber swirl in his brown eyes like honey. Vash pulled away from the hug, then leaned into his shoulder. Wolfwood fell back onto the bed from the unexpected weight. Vash fell down with him, blinking in surprise. “Ack! Sorry..” Vash’s face didn’t seem regretful, more so embarrassed. Wolfwood pulled him up closer to him while they lay against the bed. Kissing his chest again.
Vash could feel his chest become fuzzy and light. He felt safe with Wolfwood, and he loved him so much. His eyes felt heavy, closing them and laying up against Wolfwood. Feeling Wolfwood’s warm hands rubbing his back, slowly feeling himself relax, with thoughts becoming distant besides ones of warmth and his presence.
Wolfwood could feel Vash’s steady breath against him, Vash had fallen asleep. He could feel Vash’s breath against his skin, hearing what sounded like a soft purr coming from his chest. Oh, he was so adorable. Wolfwood picked up his tossed jacket, stretching his arm to grab it without moving Vash. Laying it over Vash as a blanket, smiling seeing how Vash slept so soundly and happily against him.
Wolfwood could feel himself start to become sleepy, maybe it was Vash’s steady breathing against his own. Or Vash’s comforting weight against him. He leaned his head towards Vash’s. The night was long. And he would keep Vash right next to his side. Even long after the sun rose in the morning.
Vash stirred for a moment, noticing the stop in movement of his hands. Cracking open his eyes to see Wolfwood asleep against him, snoring softly. He smiled softly, wrapping his arms around Wolfwood gently.
The stars light pooled over them, not a single house light was on anymore at this hour. Kissing Wolfwood’s cheek, lying his head down against Wolfwood again. Shutting his eyes, whispering to Wolfwood before sinking against him and drifting off to sleep.
“Thank you.” He whispered to Wolfwood, shutting his eyes and sinking against him and drifting off to sleep.