Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hey, baby. Is everything okay?” Alec grabbed his shoulder the second he reached the hallway.

Magnus’s body seemed tense even from the back and the crowd around his boyfriend didn't help in reducing the concern he felt at the panicked phone call he had received.

Alec had been at home, waiting for Magnus to get free from work when he received a call from his boyfriend, asking him to urgently come back.

Magnus turned at his voice and Alec’s eyes widen when he saw what was in Magnus’s arms.

“What’s that?” Alec asked pointing at the bundle in Magnus’s arms.

“A pokemon.” Magnus scoffed.

Alec blinked at that.

There was too much noise around all of them, which only made the baby in Magnus’s arms cry louder. Alec, who wasn't a fan of loud noises himself understood the feeling.

“It's a baby, Alexander,” Magnus squealed.

Alec took a step forward, “I can see that.”

But what he didn't get was why Magnus had a baby in his arms.

“Whose baby is this?” Alec asked.

Magnus’s face looked incredibly sad when he uttered the next words, “Someone left their baby outside the studio. They just left this note.”

Alec took the note from Magnus’s hand and read the words.

Who could ever love it?

“Have you ever held a baby?” Alec asked incredulously, “You’re holding it like it’s a guitar.”

“Sorry if I do not have much practise in holding babies. Why don’t you do it, Mr. I-am-so-much-better-at-holding-babies,” he quipped back.

Alec rolled his eyes and stepped closer to take the child in his arms. Magnus gently laid the baby in his arms and Alec could see how the tension left his body the second he did that.

The second Alec settled the small bundle against his chest, something settled inside his chest.

He didn’t know what it was—not even sure if it was a positive or a negative thing but it was an inexplicable feeling. Something deep fluttered within his chest and Alec wanted to crawl inside his own body and chase that feeling.

And then something happened.

The small baby, who had been squirming and crying like a banshee just stopped doing that. Alec blinked as the baby stopped crying and then a soft whimper left his mouth before it turned into a soft giggle. The baby made grabby hands at Alec and grasped his fingers in both of his hands.

Oh.

It felt like something profound and Alec suddenly knew what that feeling was.

And he was sure this time that it wasn’t the greatest of things.

“Hi.”

“He stopped crying,” Magnus said, surprise laced in his voice but Alec didn't really pay attention to what he was saying which was weird since Alec always–always paid attention to what Magnus was saying.

But today, his focus was on the small bundle in his arms.

It seemed like Alec’s world had grown exponentially.

“Yeah. He stopped crying.”

“How?”

“I don’t know.”

There was a soft blanket wrapped around the baby, and Alec blinked to see the words written on it.

There was just one word.

Max.

Alec closed his eyes as an onslaught of painful memories passed through him. A comforting hand on his shoulder made him look up at his boyfriend, who had a sad smile on his face. Alec drew a minuscule comfort from that grounding touch.

He gazed at the baby and it felt like a universe full of possibilities resided in his arms right now and his heart ached at the feeling.

He forced himself to ignore that feeling.

They notified the authorities immediately, who sent two social workers to take the baby from them.

“Whats going to happen to him, now?”

“He’ll be placed into the system.”

Alec knew how the system worked. He knew that since Max was a baby, he could easily get adopted. He would probably be placed with parents who actually do want to have a child but the thought made his heart ache for some reason.

“We’ll need to take him to the hospital first and get him checked,” the social worker said.

Alec and Magnus nodded and then the social worker moved forward to take the baby from Alec, and he really didn't know what happened but he stepped back immediately.

“Alexander?”

Alec looked into Magnus’s eyes and found him frowning.

Did Magnus not feel it too?

“Can we–can we accompany to the hospital too? Just for some time.”

The social worker looked at him with kind eyes, there was something in it that he couldn't put a finger on but Alec didn't bother himself too much with it and followed them to the hospital.

“Are you coming?” he asked Magnus.

Magnus raised a hand and smoothed a frown line on his face, “Yeah.”

There were no physical injuries on the child but he was going to be sent in for a full-body check up to find out any other health issues soon.

“It’s so cruel. I don't know how anyone can leave their own child.”

“Anyone can have a child but not everyone is meant to be a parent,” Magnus said sadly, as he stood by the baby’s crib at the hospital.

Alec stepped forward and put his arms around Magnus’s shoulder. He kissed the back of his head and rested his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder, both of them peering at the child.

“He’s so cute,” Magnus smiled after some time.

“He really is.”

“I hope he gets adopted into a good home.”

Alec tried to ignore the familiar uneasiness he felt at the words, “Yeah.”

They left for home eventually—they had to.

Alec failed to sleep that night.

Or the one after that.

And the one after that.

His brain would not stop thinking of the baby even though Alec tried really, really hard to focus on anything but that.

It didn’t work.

Alec was distracted even at work and some of his colleagues had noticed that.

“Is everything okay Lieutenant?” Andrew asked.

He turned to find his old friend with a knowing look on his face, “Yeah, I’m good. Just something on my mind.”

Alec had switched jobs and become a SEAL officer while Andrew had stayed as a SEAL. Alec had thought that it would be weird for a while when he had gotten the command of his previous team but it had not. The two of them had found an easy rhythm, and now Andrew was Alec’s most trusted inside the team.

It had been nice to still have a friend on the inside since, Alec had received so much pushback and shit when he had transferred.

A gay SEAL officer, publically dating another man, had not sat right with most of the military but Alec was used to the snide looks and remarks now. He was okay with dealing with all the shit, with having to put in much more work than any other Lieutenant or Commander had to just because of their sexuality as long as he got to lead to change.

Alec would do anything to ensure that future generations would not have to ever deal with it. That if he himself ever had a ki—no, no, Alec forced himself to avoid that line of thinking.

Fuck, he was a mess.

So he made a call that night when he failed to sleep again.

“Ezra,” he whispered into the phone. “I need your help.”

“Alec, when did you come back?”

“A couple of weeks ago.”

“And you didn't think it was important to inform your best friend that you are alive?” He could hear the exasperation from the other side.

“You’re not my best friend. Jace is,” Alec said smugly.

Ezra huffed lightly, “Jace is your brother. He doesn't count. It's actually pretty sad that your brother was your best friend for so many years. You should be thankful to me that I entered your life because of which you have a life outside your siblings, husband and family.”

“Magnus and I aren’t married.”

“Legally.”

Magnus had proposed. And then Alec had proposed. And then Alec had proposed again and again and again. Until Magnus proposed back. All of it was insane but it was very them.

They were engaged now, had been for the past six months but it was difficult to plan and go through a wedding when you spent nine out of twelve months away from your fiancé.

“Okay. Can we skip the you-anoying-me-part and get to the you-helping-me-part?”

“Its 4 am, Alec. As far as I know, you’re the one being a pain in the ass.”

“Ezra,” he said more seriously now.

“What do you need?” He heard a dramatic sigh.

“You are some big shot at the Department of Child Protective Services right?”

“Oh, it’s that kind of help.”

“What kind of help did you think I would need?”

“I thought you wanted tips on how to spice up your and Magnus’s sex life.”

Alec rolled his eyes, “My sex life is great. Thank you very much and even if it weren’t why would I ever ask for your help? You are straight.”

“I am bisexual.”

“Since when?”

“Since three weeks ago,” Ezra pointed out.

Well, that was a development.

“Congratulations on your new found sexuality. I need all the details but first what I called you about.”

“Yes, what do you want to know?”

Alec took a deep breath.

“There’s a baby,” Alec told him the entire thing.

“So, what do you want to do about it?”

“Nothing. I just want to see him. Once.”

“Just once?”

“Yep. I just want to see how he is doing.”

“Okay. I’ll see what I can do. Do you remember the name of the social workers?”

“Yes.”

“Great. But why are you whispering?”

Alec sighed, “Because Magnus doesn’t know.”

There was a pause before Ezra spoke again, “And why is that?”

“I don’t know. Just–just I…just do this for me.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you. I owe you one.”

“You can pay me in cash.”

Alec rolled his eyes, “Goodnight Ezra.”

He tiptoed back to the bedroom where Magnus was sleeping peacefully and slid behind him, trying not to make any noise but Magnus had always been a light sleeper so he made a small noise and turned in Alec’s arms.

“Where’d you go?” he murmured, shifting closer to Alec.

“Nowhere,” he replied and planted a kiss on Magnus’s shoulder. “Sleep.”

Magnus hummed and went back to sleep. “Love you.”

Alec felt a little guilty for hiding this from Magnus but he didn't know how he was supposed to explain to Magnus what he himself didn't understand.

There was just a need to see that baby.

He would tell Magnus when the time was right.

Two days later, Alec got a call from Ezra, while he was at Magnus’s studio that he could come to visit the baby but instead of the centre, the baby was at the hospital.

“What? Why is he in the hospital?” He said, worry seeping into his tone. He had assumed that after Magnus and he left, the baby would have been cleared to shifted to the centre.

“Just regular stuff. Come to Bellevue Hospital.”

“Alright,” Alec replied, “I’ll be there soon.”

Magnus was inside the recording room with Mira, helping her with the vocals when Alec raised a hand, beckoning him to come outside.

“Hey.”

“Hey, baby. I’m sorry but I really need to go right now.”

“What’s going on?”

“Ezra called. He needs help with something," he half lied.

Magnus hummed, “I liked you better when you didn't have friends and your entire world revolved around me.”

Alec let out a soft chuckle, “He is still less annoying than Jace.”

“Everyone is less annoying than Jace,” Magnus rolled his eyes. “Alright. I’ll see you at home.”

He placed his right hand on Magnus’s cheeks and brought him closer in a searing kiss, “Miss me. Bye.”

He left the studio and reached the hospital in a record twenty minutes. And if he’d paid the cab driver extra fifty dollars just because he was thrumming with excitement, nobody had to know.

Ezra met him at the gate and took him to the Peds unit where some kids were playing. Next to the room, there was a smaller room where babies were kept in bassinets.

Suddenly, all the excitement went down the drain and it was replaced by nervousness. Alec wasn't sure if this was the right thing, if it was even sensible to do this but he needed to do this.

He was suddenly scared that maybe that feeling he got that day was just a random stroke of luck and it wouldn't work this time.

“Hey, you good?”

He nodded his head slowly and watched as Ezra stood alongside a nurse who picked up the baby.

Ezra passed the baby into Alec’s arms and he slowly, and very carefully took the baby in his arms.

Alec took a deep breath and took a look at him and easily, just like it happened the last time, like magic that Alec never felt but when he was present in Magnus’s company, the screaming and cries stopped.

Ezra’s eyes widened at that and a soft smile appeared on his face. “He hasn't stopped crying ever since he was brought here. What did you do, Lightwood?’

Alec didn't respond to any of that.

He didn't know what he did for the baby, as all he could focus on was what this small bundle was doing to him.

Alec was right in his earlier assumption that that day might have been a one-time, unique experience.

It was.

But here was the part that surprised him.

Today felt unique too.

And it seemed to him that every minute he spent with his child would be a unique and enthralling experience altogether and every part inside his body, every cell wanted to chase that feeling.

God, he was fucked.

“Hi,” He looked down and smiled at him and the baby smiled back.

The small boy made gurgling noises and smiled.

“What is wrong with him?” Alec said, noticing the small cannula on the boy’s hands. “This does not seem like a regular check-up.”

Ezra hesitated for a moment before replying, “He has NAS.”

Alec’s eyes widened at the words, “NAS? As in Neonatal Abstinence syndrome?”

Michelle, the social worker that stood along with Ezra nodded.

“We conducted a full body scan for the child and he showed symptoms of NAS. It seemed like it was never treated which is why he is being extremely fussy.”

“He’s in pain,” Alec looked down at the small baby, who has barely been in this world and was in this much pain. Alec didn’t know much about NAS but he knew enough. When Magnus’s addiction had become evident to Alec, he had researched everything and anything related to alcohol and substance usage disorders.

He had not paid much attention to NAS since he did not think they would ever have to worry about something like that.

Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome (also called NAS) was a conditions caused when a baby withdraws from certain drugs he’s exposed to in the womb before birth. NAS was most often caused when a woman took drugs called opioids during pregnancy. But it can also be caused by antidepressants, barbiturates or benzodiazepines (sleeping pills). When one took these drugs during pregnancy, they could pass through the placenta and cause serious problems for the baby.

“Doesn’t NAS happen in new borns though?”

“He is four months old. NAS lasts anywhere between 1 to 6 months,” Ezra explained. “And since he wasn’t treated for it, he wasn’t cured. The department started his treatment the very day he was brought in.”

Alec’s heart bled at the words. He couldn’t imagine how much pain this kid was in. Alec had only seen Magnus through the withdrawals and it had not been easy for a 28-year-old man so, he didn’t know how a 4-month-old boy was going through it.

Suddenly, anger thrummed his entire body at the recklessness of his mother. Of how some people should not be allowed to have kids and did anyways.

At how fucked up the entire world was.

And at the fucking opioid pandemic in the world. Especially, New York.

“His mother just didn’t treat him? What kind of a person does that?” Alec growled at no one in particular.

“We don’t know her circumstances so we have no right to judge,” Michelle said sternly.

Well, Alec was judging. There was no sympathy in his heart for that woman.

“We couldn’t locate the mother or the father.”

A father.

Oh.

Alec had not thought of that for some reason.

His first instinct had been to blame the mother.

Maybe the mother had wanted to keep Max but the father had not let her.

Or maybe both of them were just plain horrible people. Alec didn’t know. Alec didn’t care either—all he could care about right now, in this moment was all the pain and abandonment he had to deal with.

Maybe the baby noticed the anger in his tone, or maybe it was the illness, Alec didn’t know but suddenly the boy started crying.

“You need to calm down. He is more susceptible to overstimulation by loud noises,” Michelle added.

He sighed heavily at the words and tried to calm down.

“He hasn’t eaten anything. Keeps on throwing up everything,” the woman sighed.

Nothing about the information he was getting was helping his anxiety relieve even a single bit “He hasn’t eaten anything?”

The woman shook her head.

“Can I try?”

The woman gave him a sceptical look before nodding, “Sure.”

She went inside and brought a bottle of milk and passed it to Alec.

Alec liked babies. But he didn't know how to feed babies so he frowned and tried to figure it out which made Ezra and Michelle laugh.

“You need to sit down first. Position his head properly and then feed him.”

Alec nodded and did as he was told.

The boy resisted initially, throwing his legs in the air, crying in pain but Alec cooed and made soft noises to get him to relax. Eventually, Max’s body released some tension and started drinking the milk slowly.

He helped the boy burp at the end.

They waited for a few minutes to check if the baby will throw up the milk but he didn't and Alec felt utterly proud of himself for doing that.

“He likes you,” Ezra remarked.

I like him too.

I’m scared to use the stronger word.

“Why is he still here? What about foster care?’

Michelle sighed, “We placed him in an emergency foster house the first night but he kept on crying and crying so the parents got concerned.”

“They sent him back?”

“We’ve been trying but the baby would not bond with anybody. It’s difficult with his health condition. He is resisting everything and everyone. This is the first time he has eaten in days.” Michelle stated.

The worry inside his chest increased at that. Maybe the baby could remember how he was abandoned. Maybe he missed his parents.

Alec was an adult and he missed his parents incredibly when he was on tours.

Everyone missed their parents all the time, sometimes even when they are in the same room. His heart ached for the child.

He didn't know when the time passed but before he knew it, it was evening and the visiting hours were over. Alec didn't have any rights so he couldn't stay for longer.

With a heavy heart, he passed the child back to Michelle and went out with Ezra.

“What's going on, Alec?”

He sighed.

He didn't know how to explain.

“I don’t know how to explain.”

“You want to keep him.”

Well, maybe it wasn't that hard to explain.

“I–I think I…Yeah. I think I want to keep him.”

“Then do that. The kid seems to like you,” Ezra said as a matter of factly.

As if it was that easy.

As if he didn’t have a partner at home to consider.

As if it didn’t feel unfair of him to have a child with his profession.

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Why?”

“Because it seems unfair, Ezra. I was so sure that I never wanted kids and I even talked to Magnus about it. I don’t know if a child deserves the life I can give him. What if I die? What if I can never give him the time he deserves? My dad ignored me for ten years and there are scars that I will forever keep buried inside my heart. I don’t want a life like that for him?” Alec rambled, finally letting out all the feelings that he had been hiding for all this time. “Especially this child. He deserves a better home, Ezra.”

Ezra stopped in his tracks and gave him a pointed look, “Those are a lot of what-ifs.”

“I don’t know. Also there’s Magnus. I don’t know if he wants kids either.”

“Then talk to him. Better than taking a child home and throwing him in his lap.”

Alec sighed, “Even if we want to, is it even possible to keep him? We’re not on any foster care programmes.”

Ezra thought for a minute, “It would be difficult. But we can find a way. You found the baby and can apply for emergency foster care. You can also exploit the Navy and the Magnus Bane card.”

“That’s a horrible thing.”

“It is. But people do horrible things all the time. At least yours is for good cause.”

“I….I’ll talk to Magnus.”

He planned to. He really did.

But planning to have a difficult conversation and actually having that conversation were two entirely different things.

Alec didn’t know how to broach the topic. He didn’t know how he would feel if Magnus said no.

So, hiding it from Magnus seemed like an easier option than getting the confirmed refusal.

Alec kept on visiting the hospital during the day, hiding from everyone. He kept on meeting the baby and the ache inside of him, the need to hold the baby and protect him kept on increasing.

He thought it would stop eventually but it didn’t. It only intensified and every time Alec had to hand back the child and leave for home, it felt like he was leaving a part of his heart.

But Magnus wasn’t an idiot. He knew Alec better than anyone else, and he was great at picking out when Alec was hiding something from him.

It was a week and a half after the day when they had found the baby when everyone was at Spiral Labyrinth celebrating the two-year anniversary of Alliance Records.

Alliance Records had signed 37 new artists in the past two years, and 6 artists from the industry who have left their prior labels and shifted to Alliance because of the culture and flexibility in music that the company allowed to the artists.

“I’m so incredibly proud of you,” Alec put a hand around Magnus’s waist and kissed him on the forehead.

Magnus turned completely in his arms and gave him a gorgeous smile, “Thank you, darling. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”

“You could have. But I couldn’t be more happier that I get to see you have this,” He said honestly.

Magnus blushed slightly, which was rare since Magnus didn’t blush but, whenever he did, it made him look even more beautiful as if that was possible. “Thank you.”

“Speech!” Eduardo yelled.

Magnus let out a loud laugh. “This isn’t the official party. We are not having the second anniversary of my label at a coffee shop.”

“Hey!!!!” Raphael shouted. “Get out of my coffee shop then.”

His boyfriend showed a finger to Raphael, “I own 33% stakes in this coffee shop Raphael. Shut up.”

He pointed towards Tessa, Will and Jem and asked them to join him, “This is all our success. Alliance was my idea but it could not have been made possible without the three of you. Thank you for taking a chance on me.”

Tessa kissed Magnus on the cheek and smiled, “For you Magnus? Always.”

Magnus’s face softened at the words and Alec could feel how content he felt.

“To Alliance.”

“And Magnus and Tessa and Jem,” Everyone shouted back. “And to Will, for bringing in the money, of course.”

Everyone chuckled at the words.

If Magnus was Alliance’s heart, then Tessa was the machine who kept it running. Jem was the steady foundation that everyone relied upon and Will had been the main and only investor at the time.

Now Alliance Records had investors from across the globe but it could not have been possible if Will had not been involved in the process.

They were all hanging around, getting drinks and chatting when Alec’s phone rang. He excused himself and went outside.

“Hey, Michelle.”

“Hey, Alec.”

“What’s going on?”

“He keeps on crying. I have tried so hard to shut him up but he won’t. A foster family came today to see him but he cried like bloody murder and has been inconsolable. Can you come?”

His heart spiked with worry at the idea of someone else taking the boy.

“Okay. Okay yes. I’ll come.”

“What’s going on?” Magnus came up behind him and asked.

“I’ll call you in a minute,” he disconnected the call and turned around,” Nothing.”

Magnus gave him a pointed look, “Alexander, I know you’re hiding something from me.”

He wasn’t surprised by that.

He was surprised that Magnus had waited two weeks before being on his case.

Alec smiled internally at how hard Magnus must have tried to give him space.

“I’m not.”

“You are. I have noticed the hushed-hushed phone calls. How you have been leaving at random times. I have eyes you know?”

“I—” He needed more time to talk to Magnus about it. He needed to be prepared before dumping all of this.

“Will you tell me what’s going on, now?’

Alec always knew he was an idiot. His history of stupid decisions has proved that.

“I am cheating on you,” he said without thinking much.

Magnus didn’t even pause before he rolled his eyes.

“Wanna try again?”

“What? I really am.”

“Stop fucking around and tell me what’s going on.”

“You think I can’t cheat on you,” Alec said dramatically.

Magnus rolled his eyes again, “You are obsessed with me.”

“You are obsessed with me, too.”

“Alec.”

Fuck.

Magnus just ‘Alec-ed’ him.

He sighed and his entire body sagged. Hiding this from Magnus was taking a toll on him so this was as good time as any.

Magnus moved closer and cradled his face softly, “Sweetheart, what’s going on? Is it work? Do you have to leave soon, again?”

“Baby—”

“But you just came back, it's not even a month.”

Alec felt utterly guilty for making Magnus worry about that.

He shook his head, “No. No, baby. It’s nothing like that. I don’t have to leave anytime soon. It’s just—” Alec ran a hand through his face in frustration, “I don’t—I don’t know how to explain.”

Magnus took his hand in his and squeezed it gently, “How about you try anyways?”

Here goes nothing.

“You remember that baby that was left outside your studio?

Magnus frowned before nodding, “Yeah?”

Alec took a deep breath and spoke. “Ivebeensneakingoftoseehimand”

“Huh?’

“Ivebeensneakinoftoseethatbaby”

“Maybe not at 10X speed this time?”

Fucking hell.

“I am sneaking off to see that baby every other day.”

“What?”

“Jesus fucking christ, Magnus.” Alec groaned. “I. Have. Been. Sneaking—” Alec said pausing at every word but Magnus raised his hand and interrupted him in between, “No, I heard what you said this time. I don’t understand.”

Alec didn’t get it either.

“I don’t know either. I just felt the need to see him after that day so I called Ezra to figure something out and he did. It was supposed to be a one time thing but I couldn’t stop. I can’t stop.”

Magnus ran his hand alongside his jaw, pondering over the words and slowly made his way to the seat that was right outside the shop.

Alec felt his anxiety rise up and he slowly sat down next to Magnus. He let Magnus take him time to gather his thoughts but after five minutes of complete silence, he couldn’t.

“Say something.”

Magnus swallowed,” Why didn’t you tell me about this?’

“I don’t know.”

“You do know.”

He did.

“He is sick.”

“What?”

“He has Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome.”

“What?”

Alec sighed, “Yeah. The doctors said that the mother was on opioids. He’s getting treatment right now.”

Magnus’s entire demeanour changed at the words and his face contorted in pain. He put his face in his hands, “But, he’s a baby. He didn’t do any wrong.”

He didn’t have anything to say to that.

You didn’t necessarily have to do any wrong to have bad things happen to you. Sometimes, life was just unfair. No one knew that better than Magnus.

“What was the call about?” Alec inquired.

The call had almost left Alec’s mind and he suddenly remembered what Michelle had told him.

“He wouldn’t stop crying. Michelle, the social worker asked me if I could come. I am the only one who can calm him down for some reason.”

That brought a smile to Magnus’s face, “I can see why.”

Alec looked into Magnus’s eyes and blushed, “Shut up.”

“You want to go see him?” Magnus asked, even though he already knew the answer.

“Hmm.”

Magnus pushed himself up from the seat and let out a hand, “Come on, let’s go.”

Alec’s face turned into confusion, “You’re coming?’

“Of course.”

He didn’t know what to make of it, but instead of pondering over that, Alec focused on the task at hand. The two of them reached the centre.

Again, like all the times before, the baby stopped crying the second Alec held him in his arms. “He’s burning up.”

Michelle nodded, “Yeah.”

“The doctors said it will pass slowly, it’s the drugs leaving his system. But he seemed too distressed so I thought I’d call you,” Michelle added.

“What about foster care?” Magnus asked as he gently stroked the cheeks of the baby, “No one has taken him yet.”

“Two families have tried but he keeps on crying.”

“Do you want to hold him?’

Magnus seemed sceptical of that but nodded. Alec gently placed the baby in Magnus’s arms, but the baby started squirming the second it left Alec’s arms.

Magnus frowned, “He doesn’t like me.”

Alec chuckled softly and stood behind Magnus, “That’s impossible.” He fixed Magnus’s arms in a better position to make it more comfortable for the baby.

Slowly the boy stopped crying and then focused on Magnus’s face. He reached out with his small hands and took hold of Magnus’s necklace, making soft cooing noises.

“How long will he be in pain?” Magnus asked with a small voice and Alec could hear the distress in it.

A doctor, who Alec had seen once previously noticed the three of them and walked towards them, “Michelle, hi.”

“Hi, Dr. Bennett,” She shook her hands with Michelle.

“Are these the foster parents?” She asked, glancing towards the two of them.

“No,” Magnus replied instantly and Alec’s heart fell.

“They are the ones who had found the baby. So they just wanted to check on him,” Michelle explained.

“I have seen you here before,” She said pointing towards Alec and he looked down, not wanting anyone to notice how he felt—not that he himself knew what he felt, “And aren’t you Magnus Bane?”

Alec spoke instantly this time, pride seeping through his voice, “He is.”

“Quite an eventful day at Belevude then,” Doctor Bennett mentioned.

Before they could discuss Max’s health further, Magnus motioned towards him, “Here.” Alec frowned, not understanding the change as Magnus had been okay with holding Max but suddenly he passed the boy to Alec.

“I need to make a call,” Magnus said and left.

Alec wanted to run after him, but he could not leave Max right now since he knew that visiting hours were about to get over and he wanted to soak in every single minute of it.

He took out his phone and sent a text.

A. L. : I’ll be out in a few minutes.

M. B. : Take your time, darling.

He stayed there, holding and caring for Max for the next thirty minutes, not knowing where really all that time went.

“We will be shifting him to the centre soon,” Michelle told him when he was about to leave.

“And his treatment?”

“We have in-house nurses around the clock. He will be in good hands but it would be really great if we could find a foster home for him.”

Alec hummed at that.

He did not want Max to grow at a centre, or in the foster system. But he let it be for now.

Like every evening, Alec was torn apart again when he had to leave the hospital and he went outside to find his boyfriend.

They drove back home in silence, with Magnus’s head on Alec’s shoulder.

“Hey, baby,” Alec said softly when Magnus came outside the washroom after taking a shower.

“Hmmm,” Magnus fell into Alec’s arms with a thud and he started running his fingers through Magnus’s hair out of habit.

“What are you thinking?” Alec shifted against the headboard and pulled Magnus entirely on top of him.

“Withdrawls suck, you know?”

“Hmm.”

“I just….I remembered,” Magnus sighed and started playing with Alec’s fingers. “I remembered how horrible I felt when I was in rehab those initial few days. Every single day, every single minute, all I wanted was to get a drink. I would have done anything at the time, sold a kidney to get even half a glass of it,” Magnus swallowed.

Alec inhaled heavily at the words, he wasn’t with Magnus when he went to rehab and did not really know how it had been for him. Magnus did not talk about that time either. So, it was a first for him too and seeing Magnus relive all those memories was not easy.

Seeing Magnus in pain would never be easy.

“I was ready to quit every single day, Alexander.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know. I could say that it was a choice, I wanted to change my life, get out of it. But it could have been luck too,” Magnus whispered.

“Magnus, you fought to get sober. It was not luck. It was all you,” He said defiantly.

His boyfriend tilted his head and looked into his eyes, and there was a terribly sad smile on his face, “I love that you think that. I want you to think the best in me. But so many people try to change their lives with addiction every day. Not all of them are successful. Sometimes it’s just hard.”

“So, sometimes yours feels like luck to you?”

“Hmmm.”

Alec hated that implication but he wouldn’t argue with Magnus over this.

“He is just a baby. I cannot imagine what he must be going through. He’ll never know a life without pain, Alec.”

He brushed his fingers through Magnus’s hair and bent down to his forehead, “He will. He will get the right treatment and grow up in a good home.” He assured him, regardless of how the words affected him.

“I hope so,” Magnus whispered. Alec noticed that his eyes were drooping shut and he twisted the two of them so that Magnus could get comfortable.

They never got to finish their conversation from earlier in the day.

Three days later, Ezra came to their house for dinner.

Magnus quite liked Ezra, not as much as Alec did, but he liked that Alec had a friend apart from their intermingled social circles. Everyone should have friends who are not friends with their partner.

“We tried three emergency foster houses but baby keeps on resisting. It’s been hell,” Ezra mentioned while they were having dinner. “It’s like Alec and even you,” he said pointing towards Magnus, “are the only people he seems to like.”

Ezra had come here with a mission.

Alec wanted to run away from whatever was about to unfold but he didn’t. Running away never helped.

“What if we take him for some time?” Alec finally asked, cutting to the chase. “Until the foster situation is solved and a more permanent home is found for him?”

Magnus froze the instant the words left Alec’s mouth.

“Can we, Magnus?” He added a second later.

A peculiar expression crossed his face and he hesitate before replying, “We could. We have the resources and finances to take care of him till his treatment is finished.”

Ezra thought for a moment, not that there was really anything to think before he replied, “Okay. You two are not in the foster system right?”

Magnus shook his head, “We weren’t planning to have kids, so, no.”

“Hmm. We could figure it out. You did found him and have been seeing him regularly. This is anyways a special case with his NAS and two failed attempts at foster placements.”

For a second, Alec couldn’t care about what Magnus or anyone in the world left as his heart filled with relief and excitement and happiness, so much happiness at the possibility of Max coming to live with them.

“When can we have him?” He asked a little too excitedly.

Ezra chuckled softly, “I will pitch your case to Michelle. She is the one handling the case but she seems to like you and so does Max so it should be easy.”

“Aren't you like a big name in the Department of Child Protective Services. Or is that just talk?” Magnus grinned and the atmosphere lightened at his words. “You can name-drop me if that helps.”

Alec snorted at the words and shoved Magnus gently.

“What? I’m just being real. Being Magnus Bane has its perks okay?”

“Thank you, your honour. What would I have done without your assistance,” Ezra exhaled.

“Always at your service,” Magnus smirked.

A week later, Michelle and Ezra were at the doorsteps with Ezra in his hands.

“Hi, baby. Hi,” Alec said with the biggest smile on his face as he took Max in his arms. “How are you doing?”

Magnus chuckled softly and wrapped Alec from behind, “I thought I was baby.”

“I lied.”

Magnus pouted before Alec turned and kissed his cheeks.

The next two weeks were quite possibly the happiest Alec had been in his entire life.

He was home.

He and Magnus were together, happily in love.

He had Max.

Everything felt too good to be true.

And he was proved right three mornings later.

___________________________________________

Magnus woke up in the middle of the night with heard some whispers from the other room. He turned and reached out on the other side of the bed, only to find it empty.

He checked the clock.

2:11

It was too early for Alec to go to his morning training.

He frowned before realising that the noises were coming from the other room. The guest room which they had turned into a small nursery till Max was here.

He sat up on the bed and yawned, before grabbing his robe and stepping outside.

He entered Max’s room and found Alec sitting on the sofa with Max cuddled against his chest. He looked comfortable and Magnus noticed the content smile on Alec’s face.

Magnus was familiar with every kind of smile Alec had and he was in love with each and every single one of them.

Apart from Alec’s heart, if Magnus had to list out the physical attributes that made him fall in love with the man, it would most definitely be Alec’s smile.

It was impossible not to feel like the world was a little brighter when Alec Lightwood smiled.

This was the smile Alec had when he was utterly and devotedly happy. And that scared Magnus. Because he knew why Alec was this happy these days. Magnus had known since he found out about Max.

He saw the truth—plain and simple.

Alec loved Max. Alec wanted Max.

Alec didn’t have to say it himself but Magnus knew and that terrified him because he didn’t know if he felt and wanted the same.

He wasn’t sure if he loved Max the way Alec did—there was a part of his heart that most definitely did love him but loving Max meant thinking of the possibility of parenting Max. And that Magnus most definitely did not want.

Magnus did not want to be a parent. He wasn’t meant to be a father.

He wasn’t sure before, three years back, when Alec and he had that conversation but ever since meeting Max, living with him, and taking care of him—Magnus was sure.

He could not be a father.

And he was most definitely sure that Alec wanted to be one.

Magnus wasn’t naive enough to believe that Alec and he never would have to face any obstacles when they got back together, but, he had hoped that these challenges would not be as big and life-changing as parenthood.

And opposing views on parenthood at that.

Magnus didn't hate caring for a child, it's just that something did not feel right to him. A pressure that no one had put upon him was burdening him every single day that Max continued to live with them. And he didn’t know how longer he could continue to do this—pretend to be this happy family with Alec and Max.

He placed a hand on Alec’s shoulder and gently woke him up. Alec’s clutch on Max tightened at the interruption and he brought him closer to his chest.

Alec sleepily opened his eyes and yawned. He looked up and gave him a small smile, “Hi.”

Magnus bent down and placed a kiss on his head, and then something tugged at his chest and he felt the urge to kiss Max’s forehead too but he avoided doing that.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” He whispered. “What’s going on?”

“Max woke up crying. He seemed in pain so I gave him another doze.”

Instant worry gnawed at his chest and he ran his hand on Max’s back in a comforting gesture.

“Is he better now?”

“Hmmm. Finally slept.”

“Come on. Bring him to our room,” he suggested.

Alec arched a brow, “You sure?”

“Hmmm.”

They settled in bed for another couple of minutes with Max in between the two of them. It wasn’t the best of ideas that he had but he couldn’t care less right now.

If Magnus could provide him with the comfort of a bed and Alec’s arms, he would.

It wasn’t three days until shit hit the fan.

Their entire family and friends were spread across their loft to see Max. They had met Max a couple of times in small capacities since the baby was still sick and wasn’t used to strangers.

But it had been two weeks and Max was responding well to the treatment, so they all decided to have a small get-together.

“You’re a cute little thing, aren’t you?” Izzy cooed at the baby in her arms, which Jace tried to keep stealing every few minutes.

He had mentioned a time or two about light kidnapping and then Alec had suggested light murder in loving memory of Cain and Abel.

Everyone was besotted with the baby and Magnus couldn’t argue with that.

He himself was getting quite attached to the baby, irrespective of his continued resistance.

“Give him to me,” Cat voiced and took Max in his arms. “You children have annoyed him enough.”

Alec was roaming behind all of them, ensuring that none of them drop his baby.

His baby.

No. No.

Scratch that.

The baby.

He wondered was it was this easy for Alec. It was like Alec was meant to be a parent. Magnus wondered how painful it must have been for his boyfriend to reach the decision that he would never have kids.

“Max,” Izzy whispered softly, a little teary-eyed. “It’s like he was supposed to be a part of our family.”

It dawned on Magnus that it wasn’t just Alec, but everyone who was in love with Max. Everyone wanted to keep him, wanted them to keep him.

It was he who was the problem.

Why the fuck am I always the problem?

Jace stood next to Izzy and gave her a small smile as he kissed her forehead.

Then he bent a little lower and stole the child from her arms.

“Jace, you fucking cheat.”

“NO SWEARING IN FRONT OF THE BABY,” Alec yelled.

“Magnus,” Ragnor and Cat came behind him and asked. “You don’t seem very thrilled with all of this.”

“What?” He all but squealed, “Of course, I am.”

“You just squealed,” Ragnor deadpanned.

“You are very creepily staring at everyone like the sad character in a movie,” Raphael appeared from somewhere and said.

“Shut up. I’m the main character.”

“Main characters are usually the saddest so—”

Magnus rolled his eyes. Catarina put a hand on his shoulder and asked in a comforting voice, “What’s going on Magnus?”

He pointed at the scene in front of him, where Isabelle and Jace were playing with the baby.

“That.”

“And what about that?” Ragnor asked, even though they both fully knew what Magnus was feeling. Sometimes his friends would just want him to say what he was feeling in words—they were assholes like that.

“The fact that I live in two different countries is not even the least of my worries. It’s everything else,” Magnus admitted.

“Having a child is always a worrying process for everyone,” Cat commented.

Magnus huffed, “Having a child is difficult for normal people. It’s an entirely impossible thing for people who have to worry about deployments, paparazzi and alcoholism.”

Considering their situation, Magnus didn’t know how they were supposed to do this.

All of this.

He wished there was a magic spell that could fix this mess but there wasn’t.

Five minutes later, Alec’s phone rang.

“Hey, Michelle. What’s up?” Alec asked worriedly.

The social worker called once a week to check up on Max and Magnus it was some of those cals but then he noticed how all the colour left Alec’s face.

Arrow ran towards Alec and sat by his legs, already noticing his distress.

“What’s going on?” Maryse asked.

“They found a home for Max.”

___________________________________________

You have time till tomorrow to decide if you want to keep him with you.

“I want to keep him.”

Alec had not really felt anything since the call yesterday. It wasn’t that Alec hadn’t suspected something like this being sprung up on them at some point but no matter how much you imagined the worst-case scenarios, they’re not really anything compared to how it actually felt when you were living them.

He had constantly been scared of this—the past two weeks, Alec had been the happiest he ever could be but it had also been a living nightmare because it wasn’t permanent.

Magnus had tried to talk to him last night but it had been impossible to find the courage or energy to have a heartbreaking conversation and all he wanted to do was hold Max in his arms for as long as he could.

So he had done just that.

But it was time.

Even if Alec knew how the conversation was going to end—he could still hope.

Magnus turned from where he was leaning on the balcony.

He replied in a heartbeat, “I know.”

Alec figured. His attachment with Max had not been a secret from anyone, it had been evident on his face since the moment Alec held him for the first time.

Magnus breathed heavily and sat on the couch on the balcony and motioned for Alec to sit next to him.

“You don’t want to, though?” Alec whispered, not making eye contact. Too focused on pretending to look at the skyline.

Magnus took a harsh breath, “It’s not that I don’t. But I don’t think I can Alec. I—” he struggled.

Alec tried not to choke at the words. The conversation had only just begun and he was already a mess. He wasn’t sure how he would be by the end of it.

“I thought you never wanted kids,” Magnus said after some time.

Alec chuckled softly, “I thought so too. I hadn’t expected Max.” He ran his fingers through his hair and swallowed, “I didn’t expect him to feel so…so..”

“Yours?”

He was finding it so hard to breathe, so hard to not hurt.

“Yeah. He feels like mine.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Alec,” Magnus cried. “But I can’t. I can’t do this.”

Alec knew this was coming and knowing it did not make it hurt any less. He tilted his head and gave him a sad smile, “It’s okay, baby.”

“Why aren’t you mad? Why aren’t you asking me to get over it?” Magnus frowned, not understanding why Alec was so okay with this.

“I don’t get to make this decision. You do.”

“Why?”

“Because I will not be here,” Alec said. “I heard you talking to Ragnor the other day. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I just heard. And you’re right—”

Alec had not meant to eavesdrop but he was passing by and overheard the conversation. He had been so filled with his own desires about Max that he hadn’t stopped to think about why Magnus would possibly not want kids.

It wasn’t that Magnus didn’t want kids.

But Magnus just could not have kids with him.

The realisation had broken something inside of Alec but he was trying for that to not show.

This wasn’t on Magnus.

“Alexander, I didn’t mean to—I just..”

“I know. You don’t have to explain. And you were right. You’re going to be the one here, with him all the time. I will not be here for most of the year. You will be the parent and you have your own career and it’s not right of me to spring all of this on you. You will be a single parent for most of the year, Magnus. So the decision of having kids will always be yours,” Alec struggled through the words, irrespective of how much pain they caused him.

But as the guy who would only get to see his kids through face time once every two days, Alec did not get to make any life-changing excisions like such.

“I didn’t tell you I want him to pressure you or anything. I just needed to be honest with you. I already love Max and I want to keep him but the decision is yours,” Alec declared.

Magnus exhaled heavily and leaned back against the couch, looking so so exhausted.

They stayed quiet, sitting next to each other for a long time.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to make this decision.”

Alec didn’t know how to help him either—he didn’t even know how to help himself from not losing that last shred of hope.

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered after a while, his eyes wet, “If I say no, it will break your heart, won’t it?”

Alec struggled to not cry but a small sob left his body, “It will. But I would rather have my heart broken now then years later when we’re both miserable because I forced you to have a child that you did not want. Neither of us, or Max deserves that.”

“I...I’m so sorry—” A tear slipped Alec’s eyes as he knew the next words. No amount of bracing himself could have softened the blow of the next few words.

But I think we need to give him back, Alexander.

___________________________________________

“Are you sure about this?” Michelle asked them one last time when she had arrived to take back Max.

“We are,” Alec said, trying not to break down.

Magnus had Max in his arms as Alec had refused to even look at him since the morning. Alec who had kept Max close to his heart since he had got him, had not been able to even look in the direction of the boy.

It was too painful for Alec.

Which meant it was painful for Magnus.

“Okay.”

“All the formalities are complete, so, we can take him now.”

The second Michelle reached towards Max, Magnus took a step back.

Now that Max’s departure was two steps away from him, he struggled to go through it, his heart pounded heavily inside his chest and he felt something profoundly heartbreaking capture his entire body.

“I—” his voice shook as he clutched Max tightly towards his chest, stroking his cheeks softly.

Michelle stopped her steps to give him a moment but it dawned upon him that no amount of moments could fix this so, he ripped up the bandaid and opened his arms wide for Michelle to take him.

“Are you sure the new family will take care of him?” He asked.

“They will.”

Magnus nodded but another question breached his mind, “and what about his treatment? Do they know he has NAS? Will they be able to support him? You know how fussy Max gets,” Magnus swallowed visibly.

“We will have regular check ups with the family to check Max’s progress.”

He nodded and then suddenly remembered something.

“Wait,” Magnus ran back inside and came back with a small minion plushie in his hand. “He..he loves this toy. And cries like anything if they’re parted. So, let the family know to not separate them. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Magnus was out of things to say now. Things to delay the inevitable.

“Alec?”

Alec didn’t answer Michelle, kept on looking down, and Magnus didn’t miss how Alec’s nails were digging inside his palms and the familiar but old habit opened a few wounds inside his chest—making it hurt incredibly so.

Magnus shakily passed the baby and tried to hide his own pain, so that he could help Alec through his.

Between the two of them, Alec was in more anguish.

Michelle sighed and turned to leave with the baby. She had reached the door when finally, finally Alec spoke.

“Wait—wait, please,” he said in a suffocated voice. He crossed the distance to the door and stopped in front of Michelle.

“Please…I—”

Magnus’s heart broke at the devastation on Alec’s face, he no longer had control over his emotions and was crying openly now, tears rolling down his face.

Michelle’s face fell and she passed the baby to Alec.

The second Alec had Max in his arms, both of them started crying. Max’s small cries turned into loud wails at this point, broken up at the eminent separation. Maybe Max could feel it too. He might not know what was happening but he was sure that Max could feel it.

“I’m sorry—” Alec struggled through his sobs, “I’m sorry, buddy. But the new family will take really good care of you. They are really, really nice people, okay?”

He took Max’s small fingers in his hands and kissed each of them one by one, “You’re going to be okay.”

The room was filled with a cacophony of noises. Max’s loud wails, Alec’s soft sobbing, Arrow was barking loudly, making circles around the two of them and even Chairman, who usually could not care less who came into their house or not was standing by Alec’s feet with his big eyes planted towards Max.

“Arrow and Chairman will miss you quite a bit,” Alec said and bent down so that both the pets could take a long look at them.

Arrow came closer and brought his mouth near Max’s head and made small noises. Arrow was too good at understanding human emotions, he could feel Max and specially Alec’s distress from miles away.

Alec scratched softly at Arrow’s ears, taking some comfort from him.

Amidst all the noise and devastation, Magnus found no space to share his own pain.

He didn’t feel that he had any right to be heartbroken about Max leaving since he was the one who made the decision.

Alec stood up again. He bent his head to plant a kiss on the boy’s forehead, “Bye, my baby.”

Max reached out for Alec’s hand and started flailing his legs when Michelle picked him up, his cries turned into yells, breaking all of their hearts.

The next few minutes were blurred in his memories as all he could remember at this point was all the pain and devastation around.

“Alexander–” Magnus breathed a few minutes after Max was gone, willing to do anything to ease Alec’s hurt.

Alec’s face was all red, tears still streaming down his face and he swallowed heavily, “I–I can’t. I can’t be here right now.” Before Magnus could stop him, Alec had turned and left.

By the time Alec had come back, it was too late in the night and Magnus had already gone to sleep.

He woke up to an empty bed next morning and went outside to check if Alec had come back home.

They had promised each other that they would never resort to older habits, of coming home late and avoiding each other when times were difficult. But sometimes life would threw things at you that made it impossible to deal with it together.

He found Alec by Max’s crib and the sight made his chest constrict. Magnus put a hand on Alec’s shoulder to wake him up.

Alec stirred in his sleep and opened his eyes, rubbing at them wearily.

“Morning, sweetheart.”

“Morning,” Alec smiled at him. He yawned slowly, “I’ll go and get Max’s bottle rea—“

Magnus closed his eyes to avoid the realisation dawning on Alec’s face as he turned his head to find the crib empty.

“I’m late for work,” Alec said as he rushed outside the room.

The next few days in the loft were stilted and weird, to say the least. Alec would wake up early and leave for the base and Magnus would spend most of the time at the studio. His boyfriend did not come back to the bed the second night too and Magnus worried that maybe it was Alec avoiding him.

So, Magnus slept on the couch the third night so that Alec did not have to go out of his way and sleep on that uncomfortable chair by Max’s crib just to avoid him. And he did that for the next few days.

“I don’t know, what the fuck I am supposed to do,” He groaned.

“There is nothing you can do. You need to give him some time,” Raphael assured him.

“I hate myself.”

“You chose yourself, there is nothing wrong with that,” Raphael said defiantly.

Magnus figured that Raphael was right but it didn’t feel right, “Yes. And I left a small and harmless baby to fend for himself.”

Raphael rolled his eyes, “You didn’t leave him on the streets. He’s going to another family. He has probably forgotten about you by now.”

“Oh, please. I am unforgettable.”

“Sure,” Raphael exhaled and poured more coffee into Magnus’s cup.

“I just hate that Alec is so miserable.”

“And what about you?”

Magnus arched a brow, “What about me?”

“How are you dealing with that miscreant leaving?”

“Miscreant? He is 4 months old,” Magnus pointed out.

“Don’t change the topic.”

Magnus hesitated before answering, “I’m okay, of course. It was my decision to send him in case you forgot.”

Raphael swamped back the glass from Magnus’s hold, “Someone so dense should not be allowed to have my coffee. But just because it was your decision, does not mean that you have no right to be sad.”

Magnus lowered his head to avoid Raphael’s gaze, “I’m okay.”

“For someone who is so self-aware, you love to be in denial about things. How about you discuss this in therapy?”

He picked up a tissue, rolled it into a ball and threw it at Raphael, “Fuck off.”

“Real mature.”

The night next, Magnus was sleeping on the couch again when he heard some shuffling behind him. He opened his eyes to find Alec with a blanket wrapped around him, bedhead visible and his eyes groggy.

“Alec?”

“Move over.”

“What?” Magnus said but shuffled and sat upright on the couch, making space for Alec, “What’s going on?”

Alec sighed, “Can we talk?”

“Hmmm.”

“Can we start with why have you been sleeping outside since the past three days?”

Magnus dropped his gaze, “I thought you didn’t want to be around me.”

Alec frowned at that, “When did I ever say that?”

He huffed at the words, “You slept on the floor next to the crib for three days. You barely talked to me. What am I supposed to think?”

Now that they were having this conversation, Magnus could not stop from rambling about how much Alec not talking to him was affecting him.

Alec dropped the blanket he was holding in his arms and got under Magnus’s. He turned his body towards Magnus’s and crossed his legs, “Magnus, I was sleeping there because I was sad, not because I don’t want to be around you.”

Magnus fidgeted with his fingers, “You can’t tell me that you’re not the least bit mad at me.”

“I'm not.”

“Alexander.”

“Baby, stop,” Alec interrupted and grabbed Magnus’s face in his hands. “You did what was right for you and I am proud of you for making that decision.”

“You’re sad because of me.”

“I am heartbroken because Max is gone. Not because of you.”

Magnus raised himself from the couch and paced back and forth, “I just—I..”

“Magnus..”

“I feel like you are going to resent me for this. That you will wake up one day and realise that you could have the life you want, with someone who would want a kid and hate me,” He confessed what was really bothering him.

“That’s never going to happen.”

“You can’t promise me that.”

Alec sighed and reached out for Magnus’s hand. He walked him back to the couch and motioned to sit. Alec kneeled down in front of him and held his hands, “I choose you. I love Max. I always will but I choose you. You’re my heart, Magnus. You didn’t break it. You’re the one who always mends it.”

“I’m so scared that you’re going to hate me, Alec,” Magnus said through a suffocated whisper as he fell forward again Alec’s chest.

“I promise you that I am incapable of ever hating you,” Alec assured him and kissed his head.

Alec tilted his head up after a while and forced him to look into his eyes.

“Now will you tell me how you’re feeling?”

Magnus frowned, “I just told you.”

Alec rolled his eyes at him, “I meant about Max.”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that. I’m okay.”

“Baby, who are you trying to fool?” Alec said with a sweet smile, “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you look at his pictures 20 times a day or make his baby formula when you wake up to make your coffee. Or check in the baby monitor and have that sad expression on his face.”

He had been doing all of that. Magnus wasn’t even sure why but he couldn’t think about how all of this was affecting him—because it was. More than he would care to admit.

After Max, Magnus’s world had grown exponentially and now it felt like he was living with a big old wound inside his chest.

He was not sure if anyone could ever fill it.

So he kept it inside.

But this was Alec.

His Alexander.

Magnus could let him inside, no matter how terrifying it was.

He swallowed heavily, “I guess I’m a little heartbroken too.”

___________________________________________

“Alright, that was a great session everyone. We’ll conclude for today,” Magnus announced. “It’s anyways snowing like crazy so you should all leave for home.”

Everyone greeted him goodbye and left.

Magnus went outside and groaned as he saw the weather, “Shit.”

He called Elyass to bring the car by the front door, “It’s snowing like anything today.”

“Yeah. You take care of the kids for the next few days, or they’ll get sick,” Magnus told him.

“I will. Thanks, Mr. Bane.”

He reached home and fell face-first onto the bed, groaning at how tired he felt. His phone pinged and he took it out of his pocket excitedly, hoping that it was Alec.

It wasn’t.

Alec was gone to the Colorado base for some important training session and won’t be back for another week. He sighed and decided to go take a shower.

A few hours later, Magnus's phone rang in the middle of the night. He picked up and frowned as he saw that it was Ezra.

“Ezra?”

“Magnus, hi.”

“Hello, is everything okay?”

“Hmm. Not really. Where’s Alec?”

Magnus sat upright at the words, “Alec has gone to Colorado for work. He won’t be back for another week.”

“Oh shit.”

“What’s up?”

“Uhh…It’s Max.”

Magnus’s heart raced at his name, “What about him?”

“He’s at the hospital. The foster parents left him outside the centre in the cold and he’s gotten really sick. He is suffering from hypothermia.”

“What?” He said horrified. “They just left him outside in this weather?”

“Yeah. He’s not—he’s not doing okay. I shouldn’t have even made this call but I thought Alec and you would want to know,” Ezra explained.

He removed the blanket and went inside the walk-in closet. Within the next 2 minutes, Magnus changed his nightwear and got ready to go to the hospital, “I’m coming.”

Twenty-eight minutes later, Magnus was at the hospital.

He called Ezra up and reached the room where Max was being treated, “Can I see him?”

“Not yet. He’s being treated right now. He has severe hypothermia,” Ezra said worriedly.

“He’s going to be okay, right?” Magnus asked urgently. “He has to be.”

“I hope so.”

Magnus felt more scared than he had ever been in his life which was saying something considering he was in love with a soldier.

He didn't know what to do so he called Jace and Izzy. An hour later, everyone was at the hospital. Jace, Izzy, Maryse, Luke. Apparently, even Robert was informed and would be coming tomorrow.

Ragnor had gone to Chicago for a conference but Cat and Raphael were there to support him.

Magnus threw his face in his hands and took in a sharp breath. His heart was pounding in his chest with worry.

He needed Alec.

“He’s going to be okay, sweetheart,” Maryse assured him.

“He better be.”

“How can someone just leave a child outside in the cold?”

Magnus’s heart bled at Max’s fate. A harmless little thing who had been abandoned not once but twice.

He wasn’t going to wait for a third.

It was like the flip of a switch. In an instant, Magnus didn’t care about anything or anyone else. He didn’t care about the future, of being a single parent, or even how this could affect his own sobriety.

All he could think and care about was Max.

The doctor came out an hour later to update them about Max’s condition.

“He’s okay?”

“He will be. The baby was suffering from severe hypothermia and it might take him a few days to recover from it. But because of his NAS, his situation is more fragile. We’ll wait for another few hours before another dose.”

“Okay.”

“Can we see him now?”

“We?”

Magnus nodded, pointing at everyone.

“You are all here for Max?”

Everyone nodded at that.

“Okay. Just don’t make too much noise.”

He ran inside the room and found Michelle had arrived and was sitting by the bed.

“Magnus? How are you here?”

“I called him,” Ezra informed.

“This isn’t protocol.”

“Well, this is not a case but a real child who needs some comfort right now. So, I don’t really care about protocol.”

Magnus crossed the distance and stood beside Max. He bent his head and gently stroked Max’s cheeks, his chest hurting seeing all the tubes connected to his baby.

His baby.

That was the first time Magnus had let himself think of that.

He was filled with so much rage for everything that Max had to deal with and he swore to himself that that would never happen again.

He spent the next few days at the hospital, caring for Max. His situation worsened before it got better but Magnus didn’t leave Max’s side for even a second. He couldn’t even if he tried to.

“What’s going to happen to him now?” Jace asked on the seventh day since Max’s incident. “Is he going back into the system?”

Magnus’s apprehension was clear with the idea of Max going into the system again, not after what happened last time.

“He’s not.”

“Then?”

Magnus paused.

“Can you stay here with Max? I need to go meet someone.”

Jace looked troubled but he nodded his head, “I will. I’ll be here until you come back, don’t worry about Max.”

“You promise.”

“If I think you’re going to do what I think you’re going to do, then yes. And even if that’s not the case, for Max, it’s a yes.”

“Thank you,” Magnus hugged Jace and left.

___________________________________________

Alec yawned as he landed at JFK, tired to his bones. He picked up his bags from the carousel and went outside.

He dialled Magnus’s number to let him know that he had reached and will be home soon.

“Hi, baby.”

“Hello, sweetheart. I have sent a car for you. I’m texting you the number so you can call the driver.”

A small smile appeared on his face, “You didn’t have to do that. I would have taken a cab.”

“Shut up and come to me soon. I’ll be waiting.”

He dialled the number Magnus had sent him and found the car. In another hour, Alec was home and he sighed in relief.

He entered the loft and found Magnus sitting on the couch.

“Welcome back, my love.”

Alec smiled and walked towards his boyfriend, pulling him closer in a deep kiss, “Missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Magnus breathed against Alec’s mouth. “I have a surprise for you.”

Alec chuckled softly, “What?”

“Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“It’s a surprise Alexander,” Magnus whined.

“Okay. Okay.”

He closed his eyes and heard Magnus’s steps retreat back.

“Hello, my blueberry,” Magnus whispered a few minutes later, “Look, who’s back?”

Alec frowned at the name of the fruit but kept his eyes closed otherwise Magnus would whine for the next ten years.

A heartbeat later, he heard the most beautiful sound in the world.

A baby’s cry.

Max’s.

“Open your eyes, love.”

He opened his eyes to find the most breathtaking sight—Magnus with Max in his arms.

“Max?” His voice shook.

“Yeah,” Magnus smiled and stepped forward to place the baby in his arms.

“Magnus, that’s…that’s Max.”

Magnus stroked his cheeks gently, “I know, darling.”

“Hi. Hi, baby,” Alec breathed, with a wide smile on his face, “Do you remember me?”

Alec brought Max closer to his chest and gently touched his fingers, not fully believing that this was true. That he would get to see and hold Max again.

Slowly, Alec was forcing himself to the idea of living without Max but, it had opened a permanent void inside his chest.

“How is here?” Alec asked after quite some time.

Magnus’s face fell at that and he pulled them both towards the couch.

“He got sick.”

Alec quirked a brow, worry evident on his face, “What? How?”

Magnus sighed and told Alec everything. Alec felt concerned, then rage and then absolute terror at everything that happened.

He clutched Max tightly to his chest, swearing to protect him.

“Magnus,” Alec said quietly, after a long time. The worry and the question that had been at the forefront of his head had not changed. “Why is Max here?” Alec couldn’t even explain how happy he was that Max was here, but, he wasn’t sure why and he didn’t know if he could deal with another separation.

Magnus stroked Alec’s face gently before a small grin appeared on his face and he looked conspiringly at Max.

“Blueberry, Daddy is being stupid. Where do you think you’d be if not at your home?” He asked Max, who giggled in return, reaching for Magnus’s necklace.

There were moments in your life that separated it into before and after.

Alec knew that this was one of them.

He wished he had something to say in response but he didn’t. All he could do was focus on that one word.

“Daddy?”

Magnus leaned forward and kissed his lips gently, “Hmmm.”

“What about you?”

“I’m Bapak.”

Alec was revelling in the happiness of this moment.

Then all the previous worries struck him.

“But Magnus? How? You didn’t want to have a kid and I don’t want to force you and—”

Magnus reached out for a hand to stop his rambling, “I know. I know what I said. And all those things still remain to be true.”

“You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”

“I’m scared, Alexander. I am terrified of how we will do this,” Magnus breathed. “There are a hundred reasons why we shouldn’t do this. For starters, I live in two different continents depending upon the month. You are not here two-thirds of the year. I am a recovering alcoholic and there are so many other reasons of why we shouldn’t do this. But—“

But I feel it too, okay?”

“Feel what?” Alec asked, terrified but hopeful at everything.

“That he’s ours,” Magnus admitted, caressing Max’s cheeks softly. “Maybe not all the way like you do. But I am willing to find that out.”

“Okay,” That’s all he said.

Nothing else was needed for now.

“I have one last question.”

“What?”

“Why Blueberry?”

Magnus let out a soft chuckle at that, “Because he was all blue that day when I decided that I want him.”

A breathless peal of laughter left his body, “Because of the hypothermia?”

Magnus shrugged one shoulder, non-apologetically, “Because of the hypothermia.”