Chapter Text
Magnus felt tired to his bones. It had been six gruesome months of working on this new project and while he had enjoyed every single minute of it, he wouldn't deny that it was exhausting and that he needed five whole years of sleep now.
He was waiting a little far away from the carousel where his team was waiting for their luggage. Magnus was standing in his disguise, which was frankly stupid in his opinion because there was no way any disguise could hide how pretty he was.
He wasn't vain. Just self-aware.
But his team had suggested that he should at least try to hide himself, and Magnus had agreed because he did not want to be recognised right now and get swamped by paparazzi. Even though it was 4 am at night, he knew if anybody got even an inkling of his existence here, they would take barely five minutes to corner him and pester him for the next few hours.
Sometimes the media and paparazzi forget that celebrities are real people with real lives too.
No, scratch that.
Most of the time.
All of the time.
After another few minutes, which felt like hours to his exhausted body, the luggage arrived, and he picked it up and started walking away towards the exit when he heard a scream.
He turned and saw a man in military clothes walking toward a small group of people. A small boy with sandy blonde hair, who looked about five or six years old, ran towards the man and jumped in his arms. The man had crouched down to pick up the boy and held him tightly as if his life depended on it.
A woman with blonde hair walked toward them, and the soldier took her in his arms too. The three of them were crying and clinging to each other, and it sent a pang through Magnus's heart.
Magnus had spent many, many hours of his life watching military reunion videos and crying. He used to find military reunion videos one of the most beautiful things in the world.
He was a hopeless romantic and loved airport reunions, and the rawness people showed there.
He had also wondered how people lived a life full of separation.
He didn't have to wonder anymore. He had lived that life.
That life had destroyed him.
He looked at the family longingly for another few minutes when his team called him, and he left with them.
They dropped him off at his place, where he planned to sleep for the next few weeks or so but as soon as he got out of the shower, he felt refreshed. Too refreshed, in his opinion and all the sleep left his body. He tossed and turned for a few hours, but the jet lag made it impossible for him to sleep.
Magnus looked at the time, and it was still too early to go out for a coffee, so he tried watching a Netflix show. After another couple of hours, when it seemed like the world outside had woken up, he decided to go for a coffee.
There was nowhere in New York he could go where he wouldn't be recognised, and he still didn't feel ready to let the world know that he was back in the city. He wanted a few days of peace where he could be no one. He wanted to be invisible for a few days.
He needed a coffee and some peace, and there was only one place in the city where he could get both.
He covered himself up in a few layers and started walking towards the store. After a twenty-minute walk which he spent listening to songs on his headphones, he reached the store.
He stood outside the place and smiled at the board.
Spiral Labyrinth.
Spiral Labyrinth was a quaint book store officially owned by one of Magnus's oldest and closest friends, Raphael. Unofficially, it had equal investments by Ragnor, Cat and Magnus too. Raphael had suggested the idea of this place soon after Magnus had gained fame, and since then, he had been teasing Raphael that he had done it for him.
Raphael had purposely messed up his coffee order for a week when Magnus had been relentlessly teasing him. Turned out that Magnus's love for good coffee preceded the love he had for teasing Raphael, so he had stopped annoying him.
He stepped inside and found Raphael at the counter.
Raphael turned towards the door, and his lips turned upwards. It would have been almost imperceptible to any other person, but Magnus has known the man for a decade.
Something inside his heart warmed at seeing his friend. He walked towards him and hugged him tightly, and Raphael only pretended to hate it for the first five seconds.
"Hi"
"What are you doing here?"
Magnus chuckled lightly.
It felt like he was back home.
"I missed you too, Raphael."
Raphael scoffed at him.
"How was everything?" He asked tenderly.
"It was a good break." He smiled
"Good. You were getting so insufferable recently. Time away from you was great. "
Magnus snorted and took his place in front of the counter, facing Raphael, who started doing something on an excel sheet on his computer.
Ugh.
Magnus did not believe in revenge, but whoever introduced excel sheets to the world needed to die a slow and painful death.
They started chatting lightly. About Magnus's work. Raphael's store. Cat and Ragnor were probably doing some old people shit right now, like reading the newspaper.
"So, how's the boyfriend?" Raphael asked tentatively.
Magnus smiled. "He's good."
Raphael hummed. "And how are things going between the two of you? I don't really care about you in case you were wondering. I just thought Cat would like to know."
He chuckled at his friend's theatrics.
"They are going good." He lied.
Well, it was only a half-lie.
Things were going good, in fact, but Magnus didn't see any point to it anymore.
He will explain all of it to Raphael, Cat and Ragnor later.
"What are you going to do after this?" Raphael asked.
"In life?"
What kind of a question was that?
Raphael groaned sufferingly and threw a pen at his face.
"I meant today, you moron."
Oh.
That's a better question.
He has plans to listen to Taylor Swift's angstiest playlist and maybe cry himself to sleep if he feels like it.
"All I want to do is sleep but my body keeps on acting like a bitch. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight."
"Come to the hang tonight?"
"The hang? Since when did you start talking like a 19 year old frat boy?"
"You know it's Saturday night. There's a small show with the regulars. No paparazzi allowed. Everyone's going to be here." Raphael said carefully.
Magnus looked up. "What do you mean by everyone? "
"Uh. The regulars. Clary and her annoying little group of misfits."
Magnus didn't know how to face them. It would either be too awkward or too painful.
"I don't know if it's a good idea." He replied nervously.
Raphael scoffed. "Stop being dramatic. Not everyone is thinking of you 24 x 7. Just get here at 8 and get that boyfriend of yours too. Is he in the city?"
"Yeah"
"Then get him too." Raphael ordered.
Magnus would have refuted further that this was a bad idea, but Raphael's tone suggested that this was the end of the discussion.
He groaned again.
"Fine. But you owe me."
"I don't owe you shit, Bane. You still owe me for all the mental trauma your constant whining has caused me all through these years."
"Rude."
"You have wasted enough of my time. I have customers to attend to. Get out of my shop."
"I'm going to the bookstore."
"That's still part of my store."
"Your point being?" He grinned and walked towards the shelves where hundreds and hundreds of books were stored.
Raphael's, and by extension his store, was a very unique establishment on its own.
It was a bookstore. A coffee shop. It also had a fucking huge ass piano in one of the halls that worked as a stage on weekends.
And somehow, it was hidden from the outside world.
Magnus, Raphael, Catarina and Ragnor have built this place from scratch, and it has been their sanctuary.
A place where they could hide and breathe and relax and be whoever the hell they wanted to be.
After careful consideration, Magnus had decided to not have any official claim to the store since he never wanted the outside world to find the connection between him and this place.
It was Magnus's place.
This was the part of his life he refused to share with anyone.
He walked around the shelves and picked up books randomly. He knows one should not judge a book by its cover, but Magnus didn't live by that philosophy.
He completely judged a book by its cover.
Much to the chagrin of all his friends, specially Ragnor.
And Alec.
He remembers meeting Alec here for the first time clear as day.
In a second, he was lost in the memory.
He had been wandering across the store all those years ago, when he had heard the voice.
"Your bill sir." The waiter said.
"Give me a second."
Magnus had turned at the voice and found himself frozen at the spot, looking at the absolute gorgeous specimen of a human being sitting in the cafe arena.
The man was wearing a ratted old sweater with faded black jeans, but somehow he made the look work.
That was an understatement.
He looked absolutely ravishing, in Magnus's opinion.
The man had raven black hair and eyes beautiful enough to get lost in them.
"I can't seem to find my wallet." The man said.
The waiter stood there restlessly.
Probably some college student who was extremely done with life and had no motivation to care about a customer who forgot their wallet.
Or even the ones who had wallets.
College students were a different breed altogether and needed to be feared and protected at all costs simultaneously.
"Let me call someone up." The gorgeous Adonis standing in front of him said and started rummaging in his pockets, searching for his phone, but again, he came out empty-handed.
"Fuck. I have forgotten my phone too."
The waiter sighed. "Sir, is there any other way you can pay?"
"I'll just talk to Raphael. He knows me. I'm sure he would be fine if I pay later."
Turns out it wasn't fine.
Not because Raphael wanted the payment.
But because Raphael was an asshole.
Magnus saw the man walking towards Raphael and trying to talk to him, but his friend would not accept.
"You gotta pay Lightwood." Raphael argued.
Lightwood
"I've been coming here for years and you won't let an old loyal customer go free for once."
Raphael stared at him. "You being a loyal customer has proved to be a pain in my ass. You came here and your seven hundred siblings and their partners followed up like lost puppies. My life hasn't been the same since."
Alec chuckled at him.
His eyes crinkled at the corners while laughing, and okay, maybe Magnus was acting a little stalkerish, and he needed to calm down. But he also felt the need to go talk to this man, and as big of a loser Raphael was, he had given Magnus the perfect opportunity to do that.
"You know, most places have discounts for us. It's only you who doesn't." The man, Lightwood, complained.
Raphael shrugged. "I don't believe in yor stupid war so I won't have any disconts for you lot."
What war? Wait, what does this guy do for a living?
Hopefully, something sexy, Magnus thought to himself.
Raphael refused to let him go without paying for another few minutes when Magnus decided to let his presence known.
"Raphael, is this how you run this fine establishment? By being rude to customers?"
His friend turned to him and groaned. "Oh perfect. I had forgotten you were here too."
Magnus waved his hand. "As if you could ever forget my presence. Keep this." he said and pushed a few bills to the waiter who was standing absentmindedly near the counter.
The black-haired man who had been staring at him for the past few seconds finally got out of his stupor and spoke. . "That's very nice of you, but I can't let you do that."
If Magnus thought the boy was pretty from far away, he looked absolutely beautiful standing this close.
"hi-hi I'm-"the man stuttered.
Magnus paid the waiter, and the guy left.
"It's okay. It's just two coffees. I don't mind paying for someone so beautiful."
"Umm. Uhh. Thank you-" he spluttered with a blush so deep it covered his whole face.
Magnus was just a little bit endeared with him.
"I'm Magnus."
"I- I'm Alexander. No..Alec. Everyone calls me Alec."
Magnus smiles. "I think I like Alexander better."
"Again uh- thank you so much for paying. I seem to have forgotten all my brain cells at home today."
Magnus chuckled.
Alec peered at him, and then his face turned into confusion, and then he looked alarmed. "Wait. Did you say, Magnus? Like Magnus Bane? As in The Magnus Bane?"
"The one and only."
"Oh wow," Alec exhaled.
"I'm assuming you have heard my songs. Or of me." he asked.
"Uh. Maybe a few. They were okay I guess." Alec grinned.
Raphael, who had been ignoring till now, chuckled. "You get free coffee next time just for saying that. This one seems to have too big of a head already. Thinks he's a superstar or something."
Magnus smirked. "That's because I am, or have you forgotten the two grammy's I won and sent you the pictures of."
Raphael grimaced. "You sent me a picture of you and the two grammys in a bathtub. If you ever do that again, I will end you. I had to bleach my eyes to get that image out of my head."
"You two know each other?" Alec inquired.
"Sadly." Magnus said dramatically. "He's sort of my oldest friend. Thai place is like a second home to me."
"I come here so often, I can't believe I have never seen you here before. Or my siblings. My brother and sister are going to go absolutely insane when I tell them about this."
"Oh so you're going to talk to them about meeting me?" He smirked.
Alec spluttered. "No. I meant. Yes. I-"
Magnus laughed. "I was only joking darling. I do like when people talk about me."
It was only a half-lie. Magnus actually preferred if people didn't talk about him.
"You're coming here after six months, Lightwood. That's not often. Your siblings though. God save my soul." Raphael complained again.
He should be paid by the hour for all the complaining.
"That's because I wasn't in the city. I came back two nights ago and this is the first place I visited. That should count as something," Alec announced, chuckling.
His laugh went straight to Magnus's heart.
Okay, maybe that is a bit dramatic for someone he met five minutes ago.
"So you travel a lot." Magnus inquired.
Alec ran his fingers through his hair nervously. "Uh, yeah. Sort of."
"Hmmm. So how are you planning to pay me back?"
"Oh. Um. Well. I could." Alec tried.
Magnus grinned. "Not to give you an aneurysm, but you can take me out for a coffee. Or dinner. I'm flexible." He said suggestively.
Alec blushed. "Are you asking me out?"
Magnus doesn't know how this man managed to look hot and confident one second and blushed the second.
He quite liked it.
It was rare to find someone who could easily show all their emotions on their face.
Magnus could never.
"I am, yes."
"Okay," Alec replied.
"Okay?"
"Yeah. Give me your number."
Maybe giving someone his number was a bad idea, considering how many people end up misusing it. But Raphael knew this man, and that was vetting enough. He unlocked his phone and passed it to Alec so that he could save his number and vice versa.
"Okay I'm sort of running late. I'll text you." Alec said.
Magnus almost asked him to wait, but he knew that would be too extra, so he just smiled and waved. "I'll see you soon, Alexander."
Alec smiled at the name and walked towards the door, and left.
As soon as he left, Magnus groaned and threw his head dramatically on the counter.
"Really Magnus? Lightwood of all people."
He tilted his head upwards and asked, "he's so gorgeous."
His friend grimaced.
"Wait, is there something wrong with him?"
Raphael shook his head. "No. He's okay. Better than most of the people you have dated, I'd say. But if you two start dating, you're not allowed to be disgusting in front of me."
"It's just a date Raphael."
Raphael scoffed. "Oh as if you're not already planning your wedding and white picket fence life with him. You're a loser, Magnus."
The audacity his friends had to call him out was truly something.
"Fuck off Raphael. I'm going to leave now."
Magnus had gone back home and texted Alec.
He didn't believe in the three days rule, or the whole 'don't seem too desperate, let them text first ideology'.
Life was short, and most of the time, it was shitty and cruel. If people find a good thing, something that has even the remote possibility of making them happy, they should go for it. They should hold on to it.
And while this ideology had almost always ended up in heartbreak and betrayal for him, he had no regrets.
Magnus didn't believe in regrets either.
Apparently, Alec didn't like playing games either because Magnus got a reply back in another five minutes.
They had set up a breakfast date for the next morning, and he had been very excited about it.
He felt like he was a teenager with something new and exciting in his hands.
It felt really, really good.
He got dressed in his finest breakfast date clothes and went to meet Alec excitedly but with equal amounts of hidden nerves. He did not get nervous on dates.
Magnus was charming, and he could hold a conversation alone for five hours straight, so he didn't feel nervous easily, but there was something about this boy that caught Magnus's eyes.
Magnus didn't believe in love at first sight because it was a purely obnoxious concept that further perpetuated beauty standards.
But he did believe that sometimes you just know when someone's going to be a part of your life, even on your first meeting.
But the universe has always had a personal grudge against Magnus. Every time he had decided to say fuck you to the universe and decided to have faith in people, faith in good things, the universe had made him eat dirt.
And he had felt something for Alec, but maybe he was wrong like every other time because if Alec had felt even a fraction of what he did, then he wouldn't have done what he did.
He wouldn't have stood Magnus up.
Magnus had texted and called him a couple of times, but the other man had not responded. He had waited for an hour and a half, but Alec had never turned up. Before the servers started giving him pitying looks, Magnus had decided to leave.
As soon as he had left the place, he had realised that he was still feeling hungry, but instead of going back inside and further embarrassing himself, he went to a nearby stand and got a pretzel for himself and walked back home.
He had tried to brush away the hurt and give Alec the benefit of the doubt, assuming that he might be running late or something might have happened and waited for an apology. But after the third night of no apology or response, he had decided to cut off his losses and had blocked the number.
He sighed and collapsed into the couch.
He truly never learns from his mistakes.
After moping for another two days, he had enough of the bullshit, and he decided to go to Raphael's place for the Saturday night event. Even Ragnor and Cat, who had finally gotten some free time from their old people's schedule, were able to meet him.
He dressed up in his dazzling self and had plans to have a good night with whoever he could find. He wore navy blue bootleg leather pants and a black see-through shirt with a very deep cut over it. His neck was adorned with several necklaces that covered half of his chest. He tied up his hair in a bun and let two strands from both sides fall out. Magnus gave himself an appreciative look in the mirror and went out. He called his driver because it was Saturday night, and this was the easiest way to travel without being caught.
Even though it was New York and the ride would cost him an additional half an hour, it was better than the alternative.
It's fine. He can finally check the hundreds of messages from his production team that he had been avoiding.
At least 20 of them were about possible meetings, and Magnus swears at least 18 of them could have been just emails.
Actually, all meetings could easily be just emails.
He reaches the place, and before his driver can open the door, he gets out.
He has never gotten used to the luxuries of his lifestyle. He indulged a lot in the things in his life, and everyone knew that Magnus had an expensive taste, but this one specific aspect that his fame brought him always bothered him.
The fact that somehow everyone assumed him to be more important than others just because he was famous or had more money than he would ever need.
Twenty-six years on these planets and the way life worked still baffled him.
He tried to push away the thoughts and took the back alley entrance to enter the store.
It was bubbling with people all over, but still, it wasn't crowded in a way that anyone would feel suffocated. He still doesn't know how Raphael does it. He was probably a vampire secretly who scared and threatened anyone who tried to expose their bookstore and make its existence public.
Magnus wasn't exaggerating, but he had seen Raphael drink something red, which he swears was beetroot and pomegranate juice, but Magnus believed to be blood on more than one occasion.
Definitely a vampire.
He enters the lounge area and finds Raphael, Cat and Ragnor huddled close. Magnus engulfed the two of them in a tight hug. Ragnor pretended to resist it, but Cat, his sweet, beautiful Cat, who Magnus loved more than anything in the world, returned the hug with equal enthusiasm.
"I missed you."
"Missed you more, Cat." He whispered.
They all settled on the two couches and caught up on the past few months. The last few months have been extremely exhausting, for all of them with Cat's work at the hospital, Magnus's tour, Raphael, who was probably leading a secret vampire clan and whatever the fuck Ragbor did.
He probably did something like count the number of pages in a newspaper and get paid for it.
He doesn't know if there's a job like that out there, but if there was, Ragnor would definitely succeed at it.
"So." Cat prompted.
Magnus groaned.
Raphael was a fucking snitch.
And a big gossiper.
"What did he tell you?"
Ragnor smoked. "That a certain Lightwood caught your eye."
Magnus glanced at them confusedly. "You know him too?'
They nodded. "Yeah. Good guy"
"Well, your so-called good-guy stood me up on a date. I texted and called him but he never showed up." He announced.
The three of them exchanged looks.
"Lightwood stood you up?"
"Yes."
"Maybe he had a good reason, you know."
Magnus threw his hands up in annoyance. "I'm your friend. Aren't you supposed to back me up and hate on him? He is probably the child of some rich white family who wore bad clothes just to feel closer to the masses and give himself some character."
Everyone chuckled.
"Lightwood is not an asshole. I mean, I don't think so. But what he did was shitty." said Cat.
"Do you guys know something about him?"
He hated being out of the loop. And if the guy he had asked out for a date was secretly also a vampire, Magnus would like to know.
"Whatever, keep your secrets. See if I care." He said dramatically, and the three of them chuckled lightly.
Assholes.
Magnus loved them very much.
They were exchanging stories when Magnus noticed a guy in the bigger hall to the left sitting on the piano seat. He had blonde hair that was so fucking blonde that it could easily blind you. He had heterochromatic eyes and looked like the poster child for some angel warrior race.
Magnus, who did judge books and people by their cover, captured a mental picture of the guy in his head and stored it on the shelves that read Straight white jock.
He turned back to the conversation when a couple of minutes later, he heard a melody.
A melody so serene and beautiful that it went straight to his heart.
He looked back in the direction where it was coming from, assuming that someone else had taken the blonde boy's place, but he turned out to be wrong.
The man was good at piano.
No, he seemed great at piano, and Magnus played professionally, so he didn't lie about this thing.
"Someone else caught your eyes." Cat smirked.
He scoffed. "Not someone. But someone's voice. I'll be back in a minute."
He stood up and stepped forward to enter the hall when the door to his left opened and entered the man who had consumed Magnus's every thought for the past three days.
Alec Lightwood.
He wasn't paying attention to anything and bumped directly into Magnus and stumbled.
"Oh shit. Fuck I'm so sorry." He said and then looked up and stilled. "Magnus."
He seemed as stunned as Magnus felt.
"The one and only." He replied sharply.
The man's face turned guilty, and he looked down.
At least he had the audacity to feel guilty.
"Magnus I. Listen, I know I-" he started but then stopped.
Magnus didn't have time for half-assed apologies.
He was a hopeless romantic, but he wasn't an idiot who let people walk over him.
"Don't hold your breath." He said calmly and turned away.
Alec grabbed his hand and stopped him. "Magnus, listen. Just give me a minute."
Magnus faced him again, and he knew he should have walked away, but the guy was still as pretty as he was the other day. Standing him up hasn't made him any less attractive, but now his face was filled with guilt, sadness and a few other emotions he couldn't decipher.
"You have 30 seconds". He announced.
"I know I acted like an asshole. I know I should have texted or let you know that I can't come but it was an emergency. It was an asshole-ish thing to do and I cannot explain how sorry I am. I understand if you never want to talk to me again but I really need you to know that it has nothing to do with you." Alec rambled all in a single breath.
Magnus sighed.
"You're good at apologies."
Alec's eyes met his, and some tension left his body.
How did he notice tension in the body of a guy he had met like twice.
He really had no fucking chill sometimes.
"What was the emergency?"
Alec seemed nervous at that. "I- I can't tell you right now. I know it sounds fishy. But I swear Magnus I really wanted to come but I couldn't."
"It doesn't. Your apology seems genuine and we have only talked for like ten minutes so you don't owe me your secrets or anything." He said softly.
Alec kept on moving from one foot to another nervously, and he ran his hands through his hair, and Magnus felt the urge to fix it for him.
"Listen, I know it might be a stretch and I'm an idiot for even assuming you would still want to but I might as well. Would you uh- would you give me another chance? To take you out on a date? For coffee or dinner or hell we can go and play golf if that's what you like?"
Magnus chuckled.
"Do I look like a middle aged white man who is frustrated with his life and pretends to like golf so that he can stay away from his family on Sundays?"
"No. You look beautiful." Alec said and then spluttered at his own words. "I- meant. I- actually," he blushed.
Magnus grinned. "No, please continue. What did you mean?"
Alec glanced over him from top to bottom and then said shyly. "Actually that's what I meant. You look really beautiful."
He smiled and tried to hide the butterflies inside his stomach.
There was something so soft about this man, and Magnus wanted to peel all of his layers to find out what that was.
"Dinner it is", said Magnus simply.
Alec's eyes widened. "Wait really?"
"Yes"
Maybe it was a bad call.
But he didn't seem to care.
"Okay when? Where? I promise I won't stand you up this time." Alec said.
"I'm not getting stood up by the same guy twice so how about right now? It's still 8. I'm assuming you haven't had dinner either?"
"I haven't. Okay. Okay yes yes of course."
"Let's go then. I know a place nearby that guarantees privacy for celebrities."
Alec stared at him. "You seem so normal that I forget that you're a celebrity."
Magnus smirked. "Yeah, I'm making up for all the bad ones out there."
"Okay let me just go and inform my siblings. They are inside. If they find out you are here, they will never let us leave." He complained.
"Oh I have to go inside too actually. The guy who's playing has an amazing pianist. I want to meet him."
Alec softened at the words. "Who, Jace?"
"Uhh the blonde one?" He added.
"Yeah that's Jace. He's my brother."
Magnus groaned.
Of fucking course.
Another Lightwood.
A small child came running and bumped into one of the shelves, and a few books fell down and the commotion brought Magnus back from his memory.
It felt like yesterday when he had met Alec for the first time. It also felt like it had been a decade. Memory and nostalgia worked in weird ways. He tried not to dwell on it and just revelled in the memory. He smiled at the memory.
It was getting easier to smile now.
Not every memory clawed at his chest and made him want to scream anymore.
But still, a familiar pain started grappling his chest, and he wanted to be alone in his house when the worst of it hit him.
He waved Raphael goodbye, promised him to come tonight for the event and left for home.
He took out his phone on his way back and opened the text chain.
Hey, are you free tonight?
The reply came back instantly.
I am, why. Did you make plans for us? There was a wink and booty emoji with the text.
Magnus chuckled.
Get your mind out of the gutter. Get ready at 7. I will come to pick you up.
Okay. See you tonight.
As soon as he reached home, he collapsed on the bed. He put his phone on the charger and covered himself in the blanket when he felt something move.
Too black eyes peeped out of the blanket and stared at him.
Magnus reached for the blanket and got the Cat from underneath it, and hugged it tightly to his chest.
"Chairman, my baby. I missed you so much. I love you. Did you miss me, you goofball?" He said and cuddled the Cat.
The Cat purred against him for some time and then got bored and ran away from his grasp and placed itself on the pillow next to Magnus's.
He opened his Spotify and played songs in the background and tried to sleep for some time but failed again. He put an alarm on his phone for the evening and walked toward the room where he kept his piano.
The piano had a thick layer of dust covering it, and it sent a pang through his heart. He dusted all of it off and cleaned it with a thick cloth, and sat on the seat.
He took out one of the music sheets that were kept in the drawers behind him and placed it in front of him.
Magnus placed his fingers on the keys and took a deep breath.
He braced himself and then started playing. The music came to him as easily as breathing, and the room was filled with the melancholic but soft melody from the piano, and before Magnus even realised, tears started streaming down his face. But these were the kind of tears that were filled with relief and comfort, and Magnus let the familiarity of his music cocoon him in warmth and smiled.
******************
Hey, I'm running a little late. I’ll see you directly there. Okay?
Okay. See you.
As soon as Magnus walked inside the store, he heard the familiar voice of Izzy and Jace fill the room. The Lightwood siblings were charismatic and automatically grappled the attention of the room towards them. They hadn't noticed him there yet, and he tried to gather some last bits of courage.
He sauntered towards them, and before he could say something, Clary, who had been sitting in the opposite direction, noticed him and yelled his name.
"MAGNUS!!! OH MY GOD!!!" She exclaimed and jumped into his arms.
Magnus caught her and twirled her around.
"Hi biscuit." He said softly.
"Magnus. I missed you so much."
"I missed you more." He said and hugged her tightly again.
Next came Simon, who also hugged him with equal enthusiasm. Magnus even called him by his correct name just to make his day.
Then he finally braced himself and turned towards Isabelle and Jace, who had matching smiles on their faces.
They both engulfed him in a hug that felt like he was walking on a cloud. He felt so much love and gentleness in it that it warmed his entire heart and body.
"Hi."
"Hi, you," Isabelle said softly.
"You look like shit Bane." Jace said loudly. "Probably because of all the time you spent away from me. My absence does have that effect on people."
Magnus laughed loudly.
"You look as obnoxious and boring as ever with your black leather signature look. It's 2022. Move on, Golden boy."
Jace snorted and wrapped his arms around Magnus again. "We missed you man."
"Did you really?" He asked nervously.
"Magnus, we love you. You're family. Nothing is going to change that." Isabelle said sternly, but her voice was still gentle.
All the tension and anxiety Magnus had been holding on to for days since he was planning to come back to New York left his body.
He finally smiled.
"Okay."
"Magnus, your boy toy is here." Raphael shouted from the entrance.
“Stop calling him a boy toy.” He complained.
“I don’t mind being called a boy toy actually.” He heard a familiar voice.
Simon and Clary being the fifteen years old little shits they were, cheered.
"Hi, babe"
Magnus glanced at him and smiled.
He walked up towards the man and wrapped an arm around him. "Imasu."
His boyfriend kissed him on his cheeks. Magnus introduced all of them to each other and they all greeted Imasu warmly.
Imasu placed a hand on his waist and leaned forward to press a kiss against his lips.
That’s when Magnus heard his voice.
The voice.
The one Magnus would recognise even in his sleep. His dreams. His nightmares.
"Magnus."
His heart stopped.
No.
It felt like his heart, which had stopped working all those months ago, had started beating again.
Magnus breathed heavily and begged his heart to keep beating like this.
He opened his eyes eventually and found Alec standing in front of him.
He looked as beautiful as ever, but the softness on his face that Magnus loved more than anything was gone.
He exhaled a let out a breath which felt like he had been holding inside for months.
"Alexander." He whispered back.
Alec's eyes moved from him to Imasu and then back to him.
Magnus wanted to peel all of his layers and find out all the places Alec had been hurt like he had done religiously all those years. Every time Alec had come back home to him, Magnus had spent the first few days getting aquainted with his body. He had traced every single mark and injury he could find on his body and had replaced all the pain and traces of war with kisses filled of love and relief.
He noticed a gauze covering Alec's left hand. But other than that he looked relatively fine.
Unharmed.
Alive.
The only thing Magnus had ever wanted.
He remembered all the previous months he had spent without Alec, worried for him, not knowing how he was and where he was. Even if they weren't together anymore, Magnus still worried for him.
He would never stop worrying for him.
Isabelle and Jace had promised him that they would tell him if they had any information, but it hasn't done anything to quelch his fears.
Only seeing Alec with his own eyes and holding him had worked for Magnus, and like a switch was turned on, Magnus stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Alec.
Magnus felt relief so profound that it threatened to drown him. He tried to keep the tears away.
"You're okay?"
Alec breathes heavily. "I'm okay." He tightened his hold around Magnus's arms.
The world around him had been so fucking grey lately that Magnus had come to believe that maybe it has always been like this. But the second he was back in Alec's arms, the color returned.
Magnus held back a sob.
Somehow Magnus could feel everyone's eyes on them, but he didn't seem to care.
Alec was okay.
They finally pulled apart, and Alec seemed lighter now.
He himself felt lighter.
"When did you come back?" Magnus asked.
"A week back." Alec replied
They looked awkwardly at each other, avoiding each other's eyes.
Now that the 'oh-I'm-glad-you-are-alive' hug was over, they didn't know what to say to each other.
All Magnus wanted to do was touch Alec and never stop, but he knew he couldn't do that anymore.
He didn't have it in his heart to watch everything crash down once again.
Imasu coughed.
He pushed his hand forward in Alec's direction. "Hi, I'm Imasu. Magnus's boyfriend."
Alec visibly flinched at the words, and a look of hurt crossed his eyes.
Magnus wanted to protect Alec's heart from all the hurt, but he was the one to have caused him pain, so he didn't have any rights anymore.
"I'm Alec", he muttered and turned himself towards Jace's direction. "You had forgotten your sheets at my place, and I know you needed them today, so I came to drop them by. I'm going to leave now."
Jace and Isabelle, who always whined and complained till Alec stayed another few hours at a social gathering, simply nodded.
Alec walked towards the door and then turned back once again.
He ran his hands through his hair, and Magnus felt the familiar urge to fix it for him.
"I- I'm glad you're back. It's good to see you. I. I'm glad that you're happy." He said, his voice barely a whisper, pointing towards him and Imasu.
Magnus didn't know how it was possible, but his heart broke for the millionth time.
And as soon as Alec left the store, it felt like it stopped beating again.
He found Jace, Isabelle, Clary and Simon staring at him with pitying looks.
"What?"
"That was painful to watch." Simon muttered.
Isabelle elbowed him sharply, and he let out a loud shriek.
"Okay, let's get the show started." Clary clapped and dragged Simon and Imasu from there.
No one knew how to read a room like Clarissa Fairchild.
"Is he okay?" Magnus cut to the chase.
Isabelle and Jace nodded.
"It was a relatively easy mission. He's fine. The bullet barely touched him this time." Jace mumbled.
Magnus gasped. "The bullet what?"
Isabelle elbowed Jace this time.
"He's an idiot, he's joking. Don't worry Magnus. Alec is good." She smiled.
He exhaled.
He glared at Jace. "I'll get you for this, blondie."
Jace grinned as if he was waiting for the oncoming threat.
Magnus couldn't help but smile at his theatrics.
He had gotten very close to the Lightwood siblings and Maryse in the few years that he and Alec dated. It had started as an easy friendship that had easily turned into a deep bond formed on the foundation of the love they all shared for Alec. And all the worry and anxiety that came with it.
Jace and Isabelle had been there for him at a time when even Alec wasn't there. And Magnus had hurt them in return, however unintentional it was.
He had hoped and still wishes to any god that ever existed out there that they would find it in their hearts to forgive Magnus.
It seemed like they had, but he still needed to say those words once.
Not today because he didn't have the fucking energy.
But definitely someday.
He let Izzy drag him to the sitting arena near the stage, and they all sat in a small circle, talking lightly.
Imasu was sitting on Magnus's right side, holding his hand, and the room was jam-packed, but still, he felt the absence of Alec in the room, and it felt like it would choke him.
Clary shifted and sat on his left side and took hold of his other hand, and for a second, it became easier to breathe.
He tried to push every single thought away and focused on the sight in front of him.
For now, he let the familiar melody of Jace's piano surround him and let himself be consumed by warmth and love and friendship.
******************
"Well, that was intense", said Imasu while they were walking back to Magnus's place.
'What was?'
Imasu snorted.
"You and your ex boyfriend's very casual reunion."
"Aren't you supposed to be jealous or something?" Magnus smirked.
"Oh please. Watching the two of you felt painful to watch. Like if I myself wasn't the new boyfriend, I would have shot myself just to end the love triangle."
He chucked.
"There isn't any love triangle."
"I could see that. There were only two people, you and him." Imasu suggested.
Magnus's eyes met his.
"Don't"
"Don't what?'
"Don't give me the 'we are meant to be together bullshit'."
Imasu's eyes softened.
"I'm not. I'm just telling you what I saw. What everyone saw. I don't believe in the meant to be together bullshit but there is clearly still a lot left."
"Yes. a lot of heartbreak. We almost killed each other the last time we were together. I'm not doing it again."
"I read about the two of you, you know. America's heartthrob Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood, America's finest Navy SEAL. You were a love story meant for the books."
Magnus knows all of this.
"I think love like that is overrated. I wanted a simple life. A simple love. Where it's not so intense that it almost kills me." He whispers.
"And yours wasn't? Simple like you wanted?"
It was.
Their love was so easy.
So soft.
He didn't know how to explain all of that to Imasu.
"Are you planning to break up with me and you are trying to push me in my ex's direction just so that you don't feel bad?" He joked to change the topic.
"I don't intend to. But I can see that you would want to." He says simply.
Magnus looks down.
This was true.
He didn't plan to continue this relationship for long.
"I-Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you just because I can't make sense of my heart.""
"Magnus, I don't think that you could ever hurt anyone. You're so kind that it's almost suffocating."
"Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Do not put me on a pedestal, Imasu."
"I-"
"I know I'm kind. But I'm also human. When I'm in pain, I have hurt others. I have made mistakes. Things I regret. I think it's wrong to put someone on a pedestal. It's too much pressure. It strips people of their humanity because even the best of people fail.”
”Is it because of what happened?” Imasu asked gently.
Magnus sighed. “I didn’t ask for this image everyone had of me. They fucking tore into my reputation when everything fell apart. So, I don't like it when someone says I'm the kindest or best person out there. I don't know. I hope it makes sense." He rambled.
Imasu nodded.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah. I won't put you on a pedestal. I think you're a jerk who's going to break up with me anytime now and I will be crying for the next ten years singing 'you belong with me". Imasu grinned.
Magnus snorted at his words.
"So"
He raised his eyebrows. "So what?"
"Tell me about this goss."
"What are you, 15?" He asked.
"Please I need to know about this Alec person. Everyone took his name as if he was Bloody Mary or something. Tell me more about this whirlwind love affair of yours."
Magnus smacked him in the shoulder. "No one calls it an affair anymore Imasu. Have some class."
"I do. So tell me."
"Tell you what?" He groaned.
"Tell me about Alec Lightwood. Tell me what happened between the two of you?"
Magnus sighed.
They turned on the streets when Magnus realised he was in front of Hunter's Moon. Everywhere he turned, all he stumbled into were memories of him and Alec.
He doesn't know if coming back to New York was a good idea or bad.
"This is where Alec and I had our first fight", Magnus said, pointing towards the street in front of the bar.
Imasu chuckled. "I wanted a love story. And you're going to start with your first fight?"
Magnus smiled. "It wasn't a fight-fight. More like an epiphany."
"About what?"
"That there was no one in this world I would ever do this with. Alec laid out a list of reasons why we wont work out and all of them were logical but I couldn't give a flying fuck."
"Romantic."
"It was four weeks into our relationship."
Imasu laughed loudly at him. "Simp behavior"
Magnus chuckled and recalled that night.
He and Alec were out for a date. Magnus had a friend call him to a bar opening, and he had asked Alec to join him because they had quickly become one of those couples who were always attached at the hips.
Also, because Alec was supposed to leave for a mission in three months, and Magnus wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.
They had been having what he assumed to be a good time, but Alec had gotten progressively quieter by the minute. And then suddenly, he had excused himself and left.
"Alec. Alec. Alexander." Magnus yelled after Alec, but he kept on walking away.
Magnus was finally able to catch up to him, and he grabbed his hand.
"Alexander"
Alec turned sharply, but then his eyes softened when he saw it was Magnus.
"What are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here? I've been running after you." He replied incredulously.
"Oh. I didn't hear you. Sorry."
Magnus peered at him, and Alec looked distressed. He had seemed fine when they had left for the date, but the other man looked really upset now.
"Darling what's wrong?" He asked tentatively.
"Nothing's wrong. You should go back inside. I'm gonna head back home." Alec replied, avoiding Magnus's gaze.
What the hell happened, Magnus thought to himself.
"No, we're going to talk about this."
Alec sighed heavily. "There's nothing to talk about Magnus please."
"Alexander, I can see that you are really upset so I'm not letting you walk away right now."
Alec breathed and started running his hands through his hair in a frustrated manner.
"I don't think it's going to work." He said, his voice barely a whisper.
Magnus's heartbeat quickened.
He had an inkling of what Alec was referring to.
"What's not going to work?"
Alec's eyes finally met his. "You know what I'm talking about."
"I don't." He lied. "So say it."
"Us."
Magnus felt his heart hammering in his chest.
He and Alec have barely been together for a month, but being with him meant everything to Magnus.
He won't lose it.
"No."
"Magnus"
"No."
Alec sighed. "You can't just say no to this Magnus."
"I can."
"Magnus."
No one says his name like Alec does.
Like it's a prayer, and a miracle all rolled into one.
He stepped forward and took Alec's hand in his. "Talk to me."
His boyfriend exhaled. "I hate clubs."
Huh?
"What?"
"I hate clubs. I hate crowds. I hate loud noises. I get overstimulated. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I hated every minute we were there inside."
Oh.
Magnus wasn't surprised by that piece of information.
He had researched how wars affect soldiers. He knows Alec has PTSD and has trouble sleeping sometimes. He frequently has nightmares.
Of course, Alec wasn't a fan of crowded places. Magnus was an idiot for taking him to the club.
"Okay. We won't go to clubs then." He replied simply.
Because it really was that simple.
"It's not that easy. It's not fair."
"Alec, not going to a club isn't the end of the world."
Alec looked exhausted and frustrated. "It's not just clubs. It's everywhere, Magnus. I hate all the crowded places."
"I know what you're saying. We just won't go there."
His boyfriend peered at him. "Have you forgotten that you are a singer? You have shows and tours all the time. I can't stand it. What if I can never come to any of your shows?"
He softened at Alec's words.
"Okay. I can't come to your deployments bringing you lunch either," he joked.
Alec smacked him across the chest.
"Magnus." He whined.
Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec's neck and brought him imperceptibly close, their faces barely inches apart.
Magnus grabbed Alec's face in both his hands. "It's okay. I know you'll always want the best of me."
"I'd be a horrible boyfriend." He interrupted.
"No you're already the best boyfriend."
"You deserve someone who can be there for you." Alec said.
"I want you."
"Everything's already so complicated. You're away for tours. I'm away for so long. I just.."
Magnus knows that Alec never shows anyone his insecurities and fears. He also knows that his fears were logical.
This really was not going to be easy.
But nothing about Magnus's life has ever been easy.
What's one more thing?
And this is not just anything. This is Alec he was talking about.
He touched his forehead to Alec's.
"We'll make it work."
"How?"
"I don't know."
"It's not worth it."
"You don't get to decide that. I want this."
Alec clasped his hand against Magnus's.
"I know you're only doing this to win boyfriend brownie points and win that stupid completion from Jace."
Alec snorted, but his body started losing the tension it had been holding. "How did you know?"
"I just do." He replied. "I'm sure there are other ways you can win some points."
"Like what?" His boyfriend asked like a child.
Magnus was so fucking gone for this stupid man.
"You can always give me foot massages when I come home from work." He suggested.
Alec nodded. "Hmm. I can do that. What next?"
Magnus leaned forward and kissed his nose softly. "You can let me choose what tv show we are going to watch without any fighting."
Alec scrunched his nose. "Even reality TV?."
"Even reality TV" He replied with a playful smile on his face.
"Ugh. I guess I can do that."
"You will obviously be living as my trophy boyfriend during the time when you are not deployed." He teased.
"Of course I will. That's the plan." Alec said simply and put his right hand underneath the back of his shirt, making Magnus shiver at the touch.
"And. You can let me get takeout as much as I want and not complain about it."
Alec pulled apart to create some distance between them. "Absolutely not."
"Oh so you're fine with foot massages and reality tv but this is where you draw the line." Magnus said incredulously.
"Yep"
Magnus shook his head. He pushed the strands of hair falling on Alec's face behind his ears and places a soft kiss on the sensitive spot behind his ear.
"Are you done being an idiot?" He whispered.
Alec grinned. "Calling your boyfriend an idiot also makes you lose points."
"Says who."
Magnus looked pointedly at him.
Alec chuckled. "Yeah. I am."
"Good."
His boyfriend pulled him closer by the waist. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Everyone is allowed to have their insecurities. I always thought you were too perfect anyways. Now I know better."
"You don't think I'm perfect anymore?" Alec grinned.
"No. I think you're an idiot." Magnus added.
Alec laughed at his words, and his voice went straight to Magnus's heart.
He was so gone for this man it was insane. He pulled Alec even closer and planted a searing kiss on his lips. When their need for air prevailed their want to continue kissing they pulled apart and Magnus pressed their foreheads together.
“Don’t ever walk out on me. It will break my heart.” He whispered against Alec's mouth.
Alec gazed at him tenderly and kissed his forehead. "I promise.”
Magnus felt someone elbow him and found Imasu grinning at him. "What?"
"You are so gone for him."
"Shut up. You're my boyfriend. Why doesn't this feel weird?" he questioned.
Imasu just shrugged.
"So, did he do it?"
"Do what?"
"Break your heart?" Imasu asked gently.
"Alexander would eat glass before breaking my heart."
Imasu chuckled. "Okay then what?"
Magnus groaned.
"Fine."
"Fine, what?'
"Fine, I'll tell you what happened."