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The calming sound of the rain…
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And yet he cannot seem to be able to find sleep.
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The mesmerizing sound of the drops of water on the tent made him forget who and where he was for a moment. He slowly stood up from his bed and looked at his surrounding, getting back to rality bit by bit. He blinked a few time and starred at the room in confusion. That’s right, he thought. Buggy was in his assigned tent in Karai Bari. He had joined Cross Guild a few months prior. His memory was a bit fuzzy as the clown tried to remember the events.
A storm had taken him and his crew by surprise and sent their ship crashing on the island’s shore. Ah yes, another storm… For some reason the skies always seemed to despise him. The founders of Cross Guild found his unconscious body on the beach near their camp. At first, Mihawk and Crocodile took him in by pity but he soon proved himself to be a valuable asset. The two older men would never admit it but Buggy’s charisma and ability to multi-task with ease greatly helped them and lifted a heavy burden from their shoulders. The duo would keep him in check to make sure his accomplishments wouldn’t get to his head and cause him to act up. From an outsider’s point of view it looked like a perfect business relationship.
But the reality was much different, at least in Buggy’s eyes. He knew he was working himself to the bone, barely getting any sleep and putting on a brave face for the world. Who would think the Great Buggy was hiding his internal turmoil behind that happy go lucky persona ? Definitely not his coworkers.
He let out a soft sigh as sleep still eluded him. For a second he considered visiting Mihawk, well aware that the swordsman doesn’t sleep much at night but he decided against it when he remembered what had happened today. Exhaustion from the constant stress and huge workload had turned the clown into a clumsy mess. Earlier that day during their usual meeting, Buggy had tripped and spilled Mihawk’s glass of wine on the carpet angering both him and the imposant Crocodile. He spent the rest of the day cleaning his mess while the two older men scolded him intensively. At this point Buggy didn’t even care about how poorly they treated him, he was too tired to say anything, no more snarky remarks from him.
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The rain kept falling, almost as if it was taunting him. He stood there on the edge of his bed, powerless against both the elements and his inability to sleep. Maybe he would eventually pass out , completely drained by the constant rapid swirl of thoughts in his mind. He didn’t have his hopes up though, Buggy knew better than that.
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A loud noise made him jump in surprise. Thunder had struck nearby. The simple rainfall was growing into a storm and it gave Buggy shivers. He didn’t want to remember, he didn’t want the memories flooding back. He already has enough on his plate with the stress his business partner were giving him and the work, the past couldn’t also come back to haunt him. The old days were whispering in his ear while he was fighting back this cold hand dragging him into the shadows of the corners of his brain.
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And yet here he was, laying on his bed and letting the low rumble of thunder take him back to a time he would rather forget about. A time that felt like a home he would never be able to get back to. What a cruel joke from life, to give him a home that he would never be able to touch, a home lost to the waves and the passing time…
Only a few memories remained, remnants of the past, of an era only remembered by few . The combined noise of the rain and low roar of thunder filled his mind. He let himself drift into sleep as Morpheus finally took him in his arms.
And the spiral dragged him down…
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Down…
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Down the rabbit hole he went…
A flash of light was the first thing he saw.
The second one was a large hand grasping his shoulder . The person in front of him was screaming instructions at him but he couldn’t hear anything . Judging by how desperate the older man in front of him looked, the situation was dire.
And then he felt it, the cold rain soaking him wet. Another flash of light soon followed, leaving him blinded for a few seconds. As his vision came back, so did his hearing.
Desperate cries from everywhere around him.
Some men were pleading for their life as the storm grew stronger. Rayleigh let go of Buggy’s shoulder when he realized that the young boy was too stunned to comprehend what was happening around him. Instead he turned to face his captain who was helping his crew take down the sail to stop it from blowing their ship away. Roger noticed the worry on the blond man’s face and the stunned expression on the young boy’s. He hurried over them and a gust of wind nearly blew his hat away. Rayleigh stepped back as the captain crouched in front of Buggy.
Where is Shanks ?
Shanks… Where was the spunky kid who always seemed to annoy the youngling ? The red haired boy couldn’t have been far away, right ?
I don’t know
And it was the truth, Buggy had no idea where his crewmate was, in the panic of the storm raging above them he had lost sight of the red haired boy. His captain’s face turned white and so did Rayleigh’s. More orders were screamed, more people were frantically running around the deck, desperately trying to hold everything together. In the years he had been part of the crew, Buggy had never seen them act this way. Thunder roared as another flash of light struck the water near the ship. The deafening sound and the panic everyone felt coupled with his missing friend turned the clown into a stress riddled mess.
So Buggy did what he knew best.
He ran.
A feeling in his guts told him he had to. It pushed him to the other side of the ship, avoiding the frantic crew members and pushing those that got in his way. Roger stared at him for a few seconds before running after him, leaving Rayleigh to take care of everything. Buggy slipped on the wet floorboard multiple times but he didn’t stop. Something was telling him to look at the water so he jumped on the railing, nearly falling in the angered sea below . For a moment he stood there, facing the sky’s wrath as lightnings kept striking the water and the wind relentlessly tried to take him away. In this chaos, this whirlwind of emotions, something struck the blue haired boy for the first time : hopelessness.
He didn’t even realize he was screaming until the sound of his voice reached his own ears.
In the water’s grasp laid Shanks, barely conscious as the waves threatened to bury him in the depths
I can’t help him
He stared in horror as his friend was treated like some doll by the sea. Roger yelled Buggy’s name but it got lost in the wind. He grabbed one of the ship’s planks that had been torn off the ship in the storm as the mustached man tried to reach for him. The boy did the unthinkable…
He jumped in the waters below.
Icarus trying to reach for the sun.
Not even his captain was able to stop him.
The plank kept him afloat for a while but he could feel his body get eaker by the second as sea water seemed to want to bring him down too. He kept his head up to not lose sight of Shanks. He couldn’t lose him, he couldn’t let him go, he couldn’t let the sea win. And once again he sunk deep in the darkness.
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Nothing could stop nature, not even the gods. Buggy had learned that the hard way. On his many years sailing the sea he had witnessed what the skies could do.
You can’t even save yourself
The persistent sound of rain and thunder made his eardrums ring. The clown was lost in time, between a past he tried to run away from, an unwelcoming present and a future that kept eluding him. What a sight to behold, he was dancing with his ghosts. For any outsider the moment almost looked poetic and bittersweet but for anyone who knew him it was heart wrenching.
How are you supposed to grieve something you never had ?
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Buggy was now suddenly thrown onto cold wet stone. Rain still pouring. He was in the middle of a crowd. The screams and loud noises it produced overwhelmed him and he was left paralyzed . A firm hand grabbed his wrist and stood him up. He was dragged away from the voices assaulting his ears by his red haired companion. For a second nothing mattered. Not even the rain, not even the crowd, not even that panging feeling of distress in his chest.
They eventually stopped running, reaching an empty alleyway. The red haired boy turned to face him and as he did thee droplets of rain froze in place. It was just Buggy, Shanks and their never ending rivalry. For once they were facing each other on equal ground. They both just had lost their captain, their guiding light but most importantly, their father. No words was needed as they stared into each other’s eyes. Buggy didn’t know what to say to the boy he entrusted his dream to. Over the years he had learned to step back down, to leave the spotlight to Shanks. He knew he never was the favorite child yet he couldn’t stop himself from yearning for all of that attention and love his friend received. You can never compare to the golden child.
What now ?
And the rain resumed its course.
The question almost sounded stupid, the answer was obvious.
Now the dreamer wakes up and lets go of his fantasies.
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A single drop of water fell on Buggy’s face and it caused him to jerk back up. He was back in his tent in Karai Bari. Alone again, left with the lingering presence of his memories and the ghost touch of Shanks on his wrist.
What a foolish thought, I have always been alone.
A sudden noise startled him and he raised his head to see Mihawk, arms crossed standing near his desk. The swordsman took the chair and sat on it with elegance. His piercing gaze never left Buggy as he did so.
“What are you doing here old man? You don’t have enough of bullying me all day that you decided to pay me a visit in the middle of the night ?”
Mihawk stares at him in silence before eventually sighing.
“Some of your crew members reported that you looked on the brink of death today. I sent one of Crocodile’s former men to check up on you but you didn’t even register their presence so I was forced to intervene.”
Despite the tone of his voice and how reluctant he claimed to have been to come check up on the clown, Buggy felt that there was more to what he had let on. It was an apology for everything he had put him through, even though the swordsman would never admit it. The clown nodded quietly and a peaceful silence fell on the tent. Neither dared to speak so they just remained in each other’s presence, taking in the newfound respect they had for the other.
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In this moment it finally hit Buggy, he wasn’t alone anymore. As much as he had claimed so, something had changed. He could finally let go of that ghost that kept holding him back. The red haired man could stop haunting him now.
Acceptance…
Yes, that was the right word.
The rain finally stopped.