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Everything happened within the span of a few seconds. Later, Kaveh found himself trying to recount the details, even though he knew he had missed the moment that actually mattered.
He remembered the smell of curry from a food stall and the dust rising up to their knees on the unpaved road, the sound of his own voice complaining about a client, Dehya a little ahead of them checking out the mascara sold by one of the roadside merchants, Alhaitham shooing a butterfly from the back of his glove, a gaggle of small birds suddenly taking flight from the grass. In the middle of Kaveh’s sentence, Alhaitham whipped his head around and was gone. Kaveh only realised he was behind him when Alhaitham’s shoulder knocked into Kaveh’s back, making him stumble forward.
“You little bastard-”
Dehya’s voice. Before Kaveh even had the time to do so much as turn his head, the Flame-Mane had thundered past him. Frantically following her movement with his eyes, he saw the stranger standing behind him, a blood-stained dagger in one hand and snatching the other hand forward towards Kaveh’s arm. That was when the full weight of Dehya’s body slammed into him and he sprawled into the street. Within the blink of an eye, he scrambled to his feet once more in a cloud of sand, taking off into the trees, Dehya in hot pursuit.
Only now did Kaveh get a good look at Alhaitham, who stood so close to him that Kaveh had jostled him when he turned around. Alhaitham had one hand pressed over his stomach. The blood was flowing between his fingers in heartbeat-long pulses, dripping onto the ground as Alhaitham stared straight ahead.
-
A farmer helped Kaveh drag Alhaitham to the Bimarstan, leaving dark spots drying on the road. Distantly, Kaveh wondered if Dehya had followed the trail of blood when she caught up to them with her unconscious prey slung over her shoulder.
“Who?” Kaveh just asked her. “Alhaitham doesn’t even want to stay the Grand Sage! There is no reason-”
“They weren’t there for him, but for you,” Dehya said. “Shadow Trail. Smaller eremite group, not the greatest reputation, either. He was just hired to take that luggage of yours.” She pointed at Mehrak. “Probably wanted to intimidate you, but when he got interrupted by the Acting Grand Sage, he freaked out. He said he didn’t realise I was with you, either.”
That made sense, since it was only happenstance Dehya had been around. They’d run into her on their way back from inspecting a new Kshahrewar research site, just outside Sumeru City. There wasn’t a better mercenary than her in the whole town, Kaveh would guess, so they had been lucky.
Of course, speaking of luck, Kaveh probably owed his life to Alhaitham.
Kaveh stared at the back of the physician leaning over Alhaitham’s bed. There had been a whole crowd of them before, but it had dispersed now. From what Kaveh had understood, listening numb and useless, they were optimistic the blade hadn’t hit any major organs, but Alhaitham had lost a lot of blood and, at some point during their efforts, his consciousness, too.
“I – see. Thank you,” Kaveh just said to Dehya, since he didn’t know what else he could say.
“I’ll get this idiot to the Matra. How is Alhaitham looking?” Dehya asked.
“I think he will be fine? They said so...” No, you actually have to think. Do something today. “Can you send some of the Matra here? Just in case. I might have been the reason for the attack, but someone might still use the chance to get rid of Alhaitham.”
“Good idea,” Dehya said, patting him on the shoulder, the golden claws on her hand grazing against the fabric of his collar. “Keep your chin up. Alhaitham is way too stubborn to die.”
She left, the man still draped over her shoulder like a sack of rice. The sun was high in the sky, happy and bright on the many-coloured leaves and petals of the herb beds across the street. The red spots on the ground of the Bimarstan looked especially vibrant, too.
Kaveh clutched Mehrak’s handle as the toolbox looked up at him. It was vibrating softly against his palm as if the nervous energy that was making Kaveh shake ran into it like an electric current.
-
“How are you holding up?”
Cyno checked the window again with habitual diligence before he nodded at his guards to step outside. In the shadowy Bimarstan chamber, lit only by the slanting evening light falling through the window pane, his shadow was long enough to fall over Kaveh sitting by the bed.
“I’m not the one who got stabbed, am I?” Kaveh asked.
“It’s still difficult to see that kind of thing,” Cyno said, stepping up to his side. “Don’t worry, Alhaitham is young and healthy. I’m sure he can recover. I’ve seen a lot of people bounce back from injuries like this.”
Kaveh would bet all the money he’d spent on the Palace of Alcazarzaray that Cyno had also seen a lot of people die from similar wounds, but of course he wouldn’t mention that to Kaveh now. Kaveh wondered what sort of pitiful picture he made, as he watched his own foot bounce restlessly, patting a staccato beat onto the ground. Everybody seemed to feel the need to comfort him when it was Alhaitham who still wasn’t awake.
“The eremite gave the name of his employer, so we apprehended him. Mahdi, one of your fellows from Kshahrewar. To his credit, he did seem honestly shocked that it turned out this way, since he just wanted Mehrak. However, if he hires dangerous mercenaries, of course things might go wrong.”
“Mahdi?” Kaveh said, anger flashing through him. “As if he’s even good enough to make use of Mehrak! He should pick up a pencil to practice if he’s that desperate...” He stared at Cyno, a mad laugh bubbling in his chest. “Alhaitham survived going up against the sages, but he could die because that guy was jealous of my toolbox... ?”
“Unfortunately, a lot of the time people get hurt in accidents,” Cyno said, righting the seat of his cap. “I’m going to leave you some guards in front of the door, but I know you can defend Alhaitham, too, should anything happen. I want to look into this eremite group that is doing theft for hire, especially if they are so clumsy...”
“I’ll make one of the guards get you if anything changes for the worse,” Kaveh said.
Alhaitham was Cyno’s friend, after all, even if neither might have admitted as much.
Cyno nodded his head. “I will send a messenger to Tighnari. I bet he can make it here by tomorrow. You know he’d never let us hear the end of it if one of us got hurt like this and he wasn’t even asked to take a look.”
Kaveh managed a weak smile. “That seems about right.”
Cyno opened the door, a strip of light cutting through the room, appearing and disappearing in a flash as he left.
You can defend Alhaitham, too. If only that were true. Not that Kaveh didn’t have the ability, but it seemed he could never see the opportunity. When Alhaitham was fighting King Deshret fanatics in the desert and corrupt officials building a god, Kaveh had been blissfully unaware it wasn’t a week like any other. When a researcher with a grudge tried to take Alhaitham out in the depths of the jungle, Kaveh only heard about it because the Traveller and her companion mentioned it later. Today, Kaveh hadn’t even realised anyone was in danger before Alhaitham had already taken the knife for him.
“Sometimes, I wish you were less smart,” Kaveh told Alhaitham. It was difficult to convince his voice to squeeze out of his throat.
Alhaitham didn’t answer. His head lolled to the side, hair mashed into a tangled mess between his cheek and the pillow. One arm laid draped over his chest, hand at an odd angle, palm upwards – not unnatural or painful, but not really how people usually fell asleep, either. One of his legs was turned slightly inward, but the other wasn’t. This was exactly the position the physicians had left him in after they had carried him inside and his breathing was so shallow he could have passed for a discarded doll. The bandages around his stomach were only negligibly more white than his ashen skin.
Kaveh had figured the worst that could happen in regards to the man who he had secretly loved for an embarrassingly long time was that they would keep being dead-locked in the hostility they had slipped into after their falling-out – talking so much, but never saying the right things. He now realised he’d been far too generous with the potential horrors that laid in store, too trusting in the fact that Alhaitham seemed untouchable.
If Alhaitham only survived, Kaveh would even accept never seeing him again if that was what it took. However, trying to strike bargains with a universe that wasn’t listening in the first place didn’t help, either. Nothing helps. I can only wait. Kaveh brushed stray strands from Alhaitham’s forehead, feeling his lukewarm, damp skin under his fingers.
The sun had almost vanished completely when Alhaitham finally stirred in the last beam of light, filtered green through the stained-glass window. Kaveh jumped to his feet, then sat down again, unsure what to do. His heart was beating like a drum.
Alhaitham’s eyes opened slowly, unfocused and glassy. He looked at Kaveh and closed them again.
“Hey!” Kaveh burst out. “Alhaitham, stay awake, okay? Can you tell me how you’re feeling, please?”
“If you are sitting here, then I guess things must be alright, so is there a reason to be upset?” Alhaitham murmured, with some difficulty.
Kaveh found the words catch in his throat, only a few syllables stumbling disconnected over his tongue as he stammered nothing of meaning. What was that supposed to mean? Was it just an objective observation from Alhaitham that Kaveh wouldn’t be at his bedside if they had been kidnapped or something, or did he mean that he felt safe seeing Kaveh as he woke up? Probably the first; it was Alhaitham, after all.
“There is a reason to be upset,” Kaveh said, forcing himself to talk quietly, since he knew Alhaitham didn’t like loud noises and there wasn’t a reason to make him more uncomfortable, even if Kaveh wanted to scream. “You got stabbed.”
“I remember,” Alhaitham said, eyes still closed. He sounded vaguely neutral about the matter. “What happened afterwards? I think I saw Dehya giving chase?”
Kaveh took a shuddering breath. The guilt that had taken a backseat to the sharp-edged, unavoidable fear for Alhaitham’s life returned like a brick dropped on his head.
“She got the man,” he said. “Apparently, he was hired to steal Mehrak, but he messed it up and got scared, so – yes. He told the Matra who hired him, too, and they rounded up that guy as well.”
“I see. That’s useful,” Alhaitham said, blinking slowly.
That’s all? Kaveh almost wanted Alhaitham to chide him: ‘Couldn’t you have paid attention?’ ‘We got into such trouble over a toolbox? That says something about the current state of intellectual ability at the Kshahrewar Darshan.’ However, nothing came. Alhaitham didn’t even acknowledge that the reason he was in this bed was Kaveh.
Shouldn’t I be happy he isn’t starting a fight?
There’d be something cathartic about at least being allowed to apologise. Kaveh fiddled with his hands, then remembered the glass the doctor had left on the bedside table. It was probably warm by now, but that couldn’t be helped. It smelled like a freshly cut lawn.
“The doctor said you should drink this. It’s wheatgrass juice. It should help you regenerate blood faster. Wait, don’t!” Kaveh almost dropped the glass as he saw Alhaitham moving to sit, his arms trembling as he tried to put weight on them. Fortunately, he was weak enough that Kaveh could push him down with one hand on his chest, pressing hard enough that the gem sitting between Alhaitham’s collar bones dug into his palm. “You have a fresh stomach wound! Even if it didn’t hit your organs, you can’t move around yet!”
“I can’t have the drink lying down,” Alhaitham gave back. “I will choke.”
“Right, but… okay, let me.”
Kaveh pushed his hand under Alhaitham’s neck at an angle so that he could slide it under his back, too. When he leaned down, he could support Alhaitham’s head on his own shoulder and carefully raise his upper body from the mattress. Alhaitham lifted his hand to grab the glass, but Kaveh held it out of his reach before he swiftly put it against his lips. Though he rolled his eyes, Alhaitham emptied the glass.
Just as slowly as he had lifted his head, Kaveh lowered him back onto the mattress. He could feel Alhaitham’s body relax against his arm as he was stretched out again, lips opening in a silent exhale. Kaveh let his hand linger a little longer than he had to. He shouldn’t have, but feeling the living, breathing weight of Alhaitham’s body against him was soothing a part of him that had been standing to attention for hours.
But they still hadn’t really talked about what happened. Not the important part. Like they so often didn’t. Shouldn’t he wait until Alhaitham had recovered, though?
Kaveh managed to keep it in for about a minute.
“Well – see? At least now we know even someone like you has altruistic instincts,” he said, with a forced grin.
Alhaitham turned his head to him. “Just because it happened fast doesn’t mean my reaction was instinctive,” he said.
“You made the calculated decision to get stabbed? Come on!”
“I’d rather have made a different move that kept both of us safe, but circumstances being as they were – can’t you imagine there are situations where that decision would make sense?” He sighed. “So you can stop feeling bad. You’re not responsible for things I do out of my own free will.”
Kaveh would have pointed out that he hadn’t even said anything, but he feared his contrition was written all over his face. Only belatedly did his brain trace Alhaitham’s whole answer. Of course Kaveh could see situations where one might step in to shield another person from danger, even at the expense of one’s own safety. However, didn’t Alhaitham always preach idealism was foolish and you needed to be self-serving to survive? Not that he’d ever totally held to that, Kaveh supposed. For how much Alhaitham claimed not to care, Kaveh had yet to see someone actually come to serious harm because he refused to help. However, that wasn’t the same as actively risking your life.
“Did you suddenly convert to my way of seeing things? Somehow, I doubt it,” Kaveh muttered, subdued.
“I didn’t. In fact, you could say I was looking out for my own interests.”
“What…”
Alhaitham sighed. “Can you imagine keeping you alive has value to me?”
Obviously, he didn’t think that Alhaitham wanted him to die. But for his actions to make sense here, Kaveh’s life would have to be more important to him than his own, if one followed that line of logic – and when didn’t Alhaitham follow a line of logic?
He could only stare a Alhaitham, who was looking exhausted and grey against the backdrop of the bone-coloured sheets. “Good, you understood,” Alhaitham said, and turned his head away to look at the wall again.
Annoyance and happiness and warmth all welled up in equal measures. How could Alhaitham drop something like that on him and then just pretend like he hadn’t done anything more than led Kaveh to grasp the answer to a tricky linguistics problem? He was infuriating and Kaveh loved him and maybe that wasn’t as fully hopeless as he had believed.
Because Kaveh wanted to say a hundred things, he couldn’t seem to get any one to turn into a full thought. Instead, he leaned over Alhaitham, very careful not to put weight on his stomach as he slung his arm across his body. As far as hugs went, it was awkward, crouching over Alhaitham and pressing his face into the crook of his neck, clutching his shoulder, but it was so good, anyway.
Alhaitham laid still, until suddenly one shaky hand landed on Kaveh’s back. That movement was even clumsier than his own, like Alhaitham didn’t quite know where to put his hand, running it down and then up Kaveh’s spine, keeping his fingers in a half-curled fist. Kaveh wondered when Alhaitham had last hugged someone.
If Kaveh had known how to pace himself at all times, he wouldn’t have been in half the messes he was in, so of course he raised his head and kissed Alhaitham, too.
Alhaitham leaned into it. His lips were cold and tasted like grass. Kaveh pushed his tongue into his mouth, anyway, and the hand on his back tightened in the fabric of his shirt, pulling it taut around Kaveh’s shoulders and neck before strength left Alhaitham and he let go. Reluctantly, Kaveh lifted his head.
“I get it,” he said breathlessly, “but I want you to stay alive, too.”
“If possible, I’d like that as well,” Alhaitham answered flatly.
Kaveh found himself smiling. The expression sat odd on his face, felt like a strain after hours of biting his lips and holding back tears.
“I should tell the guards that you are up so they can get the doctor. Stay in bed and don’t move!”
“Fine. But if you insist, you will have to help me.”
“That’s alright. It’s not like I don’t owe you,” Kaveh said.
“You do owe me – rent for the last two months. But not for this,” Alhaitham said, tone firm even as his voice was weak.
Kaveh wanted to snap at Alhaitham like he usually did when Alhaitham brought up rent, but he really couldn’t when Alhaitham looked so serious about his words.
“O-okay. I’ll be right back,” he said, squeezing Alhaitham’s hand.
“It’s getting late and I’m sure you’ve been here the entire time. You should get some rest.”
Alhaitham sounded like he was the one who needed rest and Kaveh felt bad that he would argue with him right now, but he couldn’t let this one go.
“I won’t get any rest if I leave you,” Kaveh said truthfully.
It didn’t matter if five Matra and three doctors flitted about Alhaitham. Maybe Kaveh was arrogant, but for once he didn’t want to be late when Alhaitham could be in danger. After all, who knew how many more times fate would allow Kaveh to mess up? Today had already been a close call.
“You sleep in chairs too often.”
“That was two – well, three, ah – I mean, it wasn’t that many times you found me asleep at the desk!” Kaveh raised his brows at him. “Besides, wouldn’t that mean I’m used to it?”
Alhaitham huffed quietly. “I guess I can’t stop you in this state.”
And judging by the fact that Kaveh eventually had to gently pull his hand from Alhaitham’s grip to walk to the door, Kaveh though maybe Alhaitham didn’t want to. Despite everything, Kaveh couldn’t stop smiling now.