Chapter Text
"Are you ready?" Kiri whispered, glancing at Spider from behind. She made tsaheylu with the ilu, her hands were shaking, and her entire body was. Her eyes couldn't focus on anything without it getting blurry. Kiri thinks it's the tears she hasn't cried out yet.
The empty look in Spider's eyes when he makes eye contact with her makes her heart pound in hurt. More hurt. The only comfort is that he is alive next to her.
It was like the question didn't make sense to him. Spider understood she had said something to him, but it had gone over his head, his eyebrows furrowed, and his face scrunched up. He blinks twice and then stares at the water surrounding them. The water is blue, orange, and yellow, reflecting the fire from the torches that the Metkayina hold in respect as they stand silent and motionless.
Spider moves a hand to her waist to keep himself from slipping, and Kiri drowns in it. It sends warmth throughout her entire body. It feels cruel to want him close.
Kiri moves her eyes to Tsireya and Aonung. Aonung holds her close, and Rotxo stands near them. Kiri can't make out more as their figures blur and mix into one. She blinks, but it doesn't make her vision any clearer. She squeezes her eyes shut and prays.
End this. Please.
Her head throbs in pain, and Kiri's whimpers are loud enough that Spider shifts closer, his thighs touch hers just slightly, and his weak grasp becomes tighter. She concentrates on Spider's hand again.
Her family is nowhere to be seen just yet. When they come out, she and Spider will follow.
Kiri will see her brother's body one last time before he is held by Eywa's embrace and taken. She hopes she doesn't break by then.
There's a sound, and Kiri knows it's time. Soon. Soon.
There's a sharp pain in the back of her eye, and she closes them shut again.
Kiri's lips quiver, "Spider, we're starting soon." She doesn't think she can say any more than that. Her head hangs low.
"Yeah," Spider muttered quietly.
It doesn't make her feel better. Kiri wonders if she wants him to hold her tight and comfort her with his usual charming words and jokes. It feels selfish. But his voice is evidence that he's alive, and that's enough.
Dad moves in front of them and sends them a soft look before looking forward again. He has to look forward. He has to for them all; they will all break apart if he doesn't.
Dad, the word is on Kiri's tongue before she hears Tuktirey (Oh, sister of mine.) cry silently from behind.
Kiri takes a shuttering breath as she feels Neteyam near her, but she does not hear his beating heart. She turns her head around, and there is her brother's body, held within a leaf. Her mother and siblings have one hand on the leaf and the other touching Neteyam.
Kiri prays again.
Wake up and end this. Please.
It's a childish wish.
Kiri does not whimper in pain this time, but Spider mumbles her name to her, and his thumb caresses her skin in circles, and he's alive.
Dad moves, and Kiri makes her ilu follow. She is looking ahead since she can't bear to look at her brother anymore.
Kiri puts her hand above Spider's when she feels his hand going limp and sliding down her torso. Tears build up in her eyes again, but she keeps her head up.
Neteyam is hugged by Eywa below.
Then he is gone.
Tuktirey is floating beside him, and Lo'ak has an arm around her, keeping her near.
His parents stay below. His mother has her head up, and Lo'ak can see her eyes are closed, and she has a faint but genuine smile on her lips. It hasn't changed since she connected.
Lo'ak can't breathe, and Tuktirey rubs her cheek against his.
Kiri swims to them, her hand gripping Spider's own. He stays behind her.
Tuktirey whispers their names. She has this exhaustion and sorrow in her little voice.
"Let's go home," Kiri mumbled to all of them. It had been hours since Neteyam had been given to Eywa then, and Lo'ak felt like he would never leave if he didn't go now with his siblings. His heart throbbed as he walked out of the water, a pulse so painful that it went through his whole body, and he hissed.
Lo'ak started trembling, and Tuktirey cried and held her arms up to him. He didn't push her away like he used to.
Dad and Mom stayed behind to continue seeing Neteyam in their memories of Eywa.
Lo'ak sighs as he holds Tuktirey, her head resting on his shoulder. His breath was deep and painful. It didn't reach his lungs, and his eyes burned.
Lo'ak's ear twitches when Kiri lets out a yawn. He turns to face her, and she looks at him; a ghost of a smile forms on her lips. He can't return it and looks down at the ground as they walk soundlessly.
Tuktirey breathes into his neck, but it's more reassuring than anything.
The walk back is horrible. Somebody is missing. Somebody is gone.
The Metkayina that are still awake stare at them. Staring at Spider.
Lo'ak knows and accepts that Spider is human but sometimes forgets he is seen as an enemy to others.
It doesn't matter.
"Ignore them, monkey boy." Lo'ak hears Kiri mumble to Spider from behind. Their hands are still intertwined, and Lo'ak reaches back with his free hand and slows down his pace.
Spider holds Lo'ak's hand and walks between him and Kiri—hand in hand with them both.
Spider is always warm, maybe because he is human and everything that comes with it. The heat in Lo'ak palm lets him know Spider is alive.
Neteyam was cold.
Lo'ak shakes his head hard at that. He doesn't want to think anymore. His cheeks are dried up and sticky with tears, and it's uncomfortable. His skin feels uncomfortable. He doesn't want to feel anymore. He can hear his heart pounding in his ears, and Lo'ak tightens his grip on Tuktirey and Spider's hand; if it hurts, Spider doesn't say anything. He doesn't even flinch.
They walk. The only sound is Kiri's deep breaths and Spider repeatedly saying her name quietly when they get too loud. It keeps Lo'ak calm too.
Lo'ak doesn't even realize they're home until Kiri walks to the pod first and mutters his name to him. They both look at each other, Kiri's eyes are red and puffy, and he imagines his are too. Lo'ak nods.
"Oh, right." That is the only thing he has been able to say in hours. His voice was raspy and soft. Breathless and broken. His voice is unlike him. He doesn't even feel like himself, he takes one step inside, and it's like his body isn't his.
Within the pod lays Neteyam's pallet.
(Neteyam. My brother. Oh, Eywa, please.)
But Eywa already took him in both ways: his life and his body.
Lo'ak blinks away the dark spots forming in his vision, and his world is suddenly shrinking beneath his feet.
Kiri lets go of Spider's hand gently. She moves to get her pallet and rolls it up to hold it to her chest.
Tuktirey shifts in his grasp and makes a noise. Lo'ak hushes her to sleep as he stumbles to her bedroll and gets down to his knees to lay her down as gently as he has never been with anything else before.
He stays like that for a minute, resting his throbbing head in his palm. He feels faint, and bile forms in the back of his throat. He feels like crying out.
"Lo'ak," Kiri says without reason. She holds both their pallets and lays his down next to Tuktirey's and hers beside his. She does it as gently as she has always been.
Kiri gets up and moves to the other side of Tuktirey's pallet, where he is kneeling.
"Come on, Lo'ak," Kiri whispers as she helps him get up, and when he is about to stumble to the ground, Spider is in front of him. Spider keeps a hand on his waist and the other on his arm.
Spider has this numb look on his face when he puts a hand behind Lo'aks head (The warmth of it soothes his headaches at that moment.) as he and Kiri lay him down on his pallet. Spider's hand slips away when his head touches the pillow, and Lo'ak misses it. Lo'ak nearly reaches to grab Spider's arm and plea for the warmth that radiates from his body.
Spider, please stay. Stay.
But his body is weak, and he can't speak. Lo'ak feels Kiri move to her pallet beside him, and she says something he can't comprehend.
"I'm fine. Don't worry." Lo'ak hears Spider, from further away, respond before sleep takes over him, and everything goes black.
There's blood on her hands, and Tuktirey snaps her eyes open with a soundless scream. That terror returns.
She stays static for a minute.
Tuktirey brings her hands up to her face. They're trembling, and her eyes can't concentrate.
The blood was gone. With her sad eyes, Momma had cleaned her hands before Neteyam was given to The Great Mother. Tuktirey keeps staring as if her older brother's blood will eventually appear even so.
She still remembers his cold hand when she held it against her cheek. The way his blood dried beneath her fingernails, how Momma used her nails to scrape the dried blood out of hers, and how Momma was shaking as she did so.
Momma?
Tuktirey sits up and looks around for her Momma. She sees Lo'ak and Kiri sleeping next to her, and her heart stops hurting as much, and the terror settles just barely. She takes deep breathes to match Lo'ak's calm breathing.
Tuktirey sees from the gaps in the pod that it's still night, and somebody is sitting in front of the fire.
Spider rests his head on his knees, and his arms hug them to his chest. He has yet to notice her. His eyes stay on the fire.
"Spider?" Tuktirey calls out quietly. The terror is gone. She rubs the sleep from her eyes, "Spider." She calls out louder.
The boy turns from the fire to her and nods his head.
Tuktirey feels this overwhelming sensation overtake her senses, and her eyes get watery. She can't stop twitching and slams her fists against the ground. The feeling of blood on them won't leave. She didn't even know why she had tried to cover Neteyam's wound with her hands. He was already gone by then.
She didn't get to say goodbye. She'll never get to.
"Spider!" Tuktirey mewls loudly and holds an arm out to him, her fingers curling back and forth. Her legs are weak and won't move from her spot. Tears fill her vision, and sadness crawls at her heart, ripping it to pieces and leaving it to cry blood.
"Neteyam, no! No!"
Tuktirey starts pulling at her hair, and she hears quick footsteps in her direction. A warm hand grabs her arm and pulls it away; between her curled fingers are strands of her hair. Her nails drilled into her palm.
It feels like a gaping hole in her heart.
"Tuk," Spider says softly, and she turns her head to him. She looks at him with her big eyes and begs.
Make it go away. Spider, make it go away.
Spider's face softens, and his eyes shine bright. There are dark circles underneath his eyes. He brings her arm to his chest, and her hand opens slightly, bits of her hair falling to the ground, little beads of blood from her palm, and blood in her fingernails again.
"You're okay," Spider says raspily. "You're okay." He brings his other hand to her cheek.
It's warm, and Tuktirey inhales a shaky puff of air. It's warm. Spider is here.
Tuktirey takes him whole, and her pupils shrink when she sees a long and deep cut on Spider's chest.
"Spider—" She begins with a muted scream, her voice wobbly and wet as she feels her stomach twist within itself, and it's like everything is happening all over again, "Spider, are you dying?" The hand on his chest opens, and she turns her palm toward his skin, pressing on the cut.
So Spider won't bleed out and turn cold. (And leave her.)
Spider's weary eyes widen, he is about to ask her what she's saying when Tuktirey adds more pressure to the scraped-up wound, and he hisses in pain and flinches back. Tuktirey cries louder and moves closer, keeping her hand on his chest as his body radiates heat to her palm. She's shaking, and she can't stop.
Don't turn cold.
Spider wraps his hand around her wrist and keeps his eyes shut until the ache leaves. They don't speak as they stare at the cut sliced into his chest.
"I'm fine," Spider whispered after some time, "Tuk, I'm fine." Spider leans forward again. Their hands slip onto the floor.
Tuktirey sags her head down with a loud whimper and curls into herself.
The hysterical panic leaves her body gradually, and tears keep flowing from her eyes.
Spider is mumbling something as he pushes her down to her pallet. With the back of his hand, he strokes Tuktirey's tears away.
Tuktirey's eyes are heavy, and it's like gravity won't let her up. Spider's fingers massage the bottom of her eyes, and she looks at Spider one last time (Thank you, brother.) and lets her eyelids close.
Spider is here with her and Tuktirey holds his hand.
The feeling of sleep embraces her, the noises of the night and ocean sing her a lullaby, and the warmth of Spider's fingers scares any nightmares away.
"You sure about this, buddy?" Jake asks him for the millionth time. The desperateness in his voice was the same each time. Loud and hurting.
Spider can't look him in the eyes when he says yes, and he feels Jake flinch violently. He squeezes Spider's shoulders.
Neytiri stands to the side in silence. She's the one that found him asleep on the floor and holding hands with her youngest daughter in comfort. She woke him up softly, and Jake stood behind her, telling Spider that Norm and Max were here to do a check-up on him.
Neytiri hissed, "Nothing good comes with those humans and their things." Jake told her it was for Spider's sake.
"Spider, speak to me," Jake whispers, "Tell me what I can do for you to stay here with us." Jake's eyes keep looking at him and then back to Norm starting the helicopter in panic.
Guilt eats at him, and Spider shakes his head. He thinks he'll faint under Jake's hands if he keeps standing up. He needs to go.
Spider does no good here.
"I want to leave." Jake's hands slip off Spider's shoulders with a jerk.
Norm walks out of the helicopter, he had tried to start it as slowly as possible, but Spider already made up his mind and walks inside after him.
"Boy," Jake begins again, and Spider mutes him out.
Spider straps himself to a seat as Max sits in front of him, wrinkles forming on his forehead as he stares at Spider. Max wants to ask him something but says nothing.
Outside, he hears Jake and Norm speaking in harsh voices. They're arguing, and more guilt and shame pool in Spider's gut.
Neytiri's voice abruptly breaks in with a shout.
"What did you say to him?" Spider snaps his head around and sees Neytiri pointing a clawed finger at Norm. She snarls in anger, "What did you say? You told us you would come to check on his health, not take him with you!" Neytiri hisses, and a growl forms in her throat.
Norm raises both hands next to his head, "I did. Spider told us himself he wanted to leave with us." Norm looks at Jake for help, but Jake says nothing.
Spider makes eye contact with Jake and wrenches his head back to look back at the grey metal floor of the helicopter.
"The kids are going to miss him when they wake up," Jake says weakly.
His words echo in Spider's brain like a chant when the helicopter begins to move.