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Eddie is hotter than Oli remembers. His scent rises through his clothes, worn-in and musky, mingling with the fresh tang of wet grass, tree resin and pollen. His cloak scrunches under Oli’s fingers, coarse and solid, and yet he has trouble believing the other is real. He digs his nails into the tufts of grey fur at the back of Eddie’s neck, muscles trembling from how tight he’s holding on.
‘Shh. It’s okay, I got you,’ Eddie rumbles against the shell of his ear, whiskers tickling his skin. ‘I got you.’
Oli’s chest aches. Everything aches. ‘How are you here? How– How did you find me?’
Why have you come?
His mouth can’t quite shape that one. He shouldn’t be asking, anyway, he should just take his blessings and run with them. Eddie’s here. This is his chance.
His words came out louder than he meant to, but the harengon doesn’t flinch. His ears stay cocked firmly in Oli’s direction, but the weight of his arms lifts. Oli clings to him reflexively, until his brain reminds him what a dangerous idea that is.
‘It’s a very long story,’ says Eddie, settling his big hands on Oli’s waist. ‘We have more important things to talk about right now.’
Yes, they do.
Now or never. He takes a shaky breath. ‘I need to tell you some–’
‘I couldn’t do it,’ Eddie blurts. ‘When you were gone I– I couldn’t– And it doesn’t make any sense, but–’
He cuts himself off with a harsh exhale. Thick, dark smudges lurk underneath his eyes. The soft skin of his eyelids looks swollen. He rubs them.
‘Sorry. Bear with me for a moment, please,’ he whispers. ‘Just long enough to say my piece. Ere the fear of losing you turns me into a coward again.’
You and me both.
Beneath Oli’s sternum, the string throbs. He wants to tell Eddie the truth – needs to – but what if all his adrenaline-fuelled bravery has left him in a few minutes’ time? He’s already trembling like a strider on land.
Eddie’s stormy blue gaze scans his face; a ravaged sea, full to the brim and deep enough to drown in. Oli bites back the words on his tongue and nods.
‘I should have told you this earlier,’ Eddie says. ‘Long before you left Sanctuary, even.’
He casts his eyes down. ‘I’ve spent the past two months trying to remember the reasons I had for not doing it. Your health, the things I told you after that afternoon on the tavern roof…’ He shakes his head. ‘It’s all smoke in the wind.’
A kernel of unease settles in Oli’s stomach, icy as a rock. ‘I– I don’t understand.’
Eddie’s lips curve. It’s an unbearably soft, sad little smile. ‘I like you, Oli. I like you so much I couldn’t bear to let you go.’
He draws away, bringing some distance between them and letting his arms hang loosely at his side. Cold creeps in where he touched Oli. ‘I know I reacted less than ideally to… pretty much everything. I was so very unkind to you and I am truly, deeply sorry.’
‘I forgive you,’ Oli says immediately. His poor heart doesn’t know whether it should stop dead or gallop out of his chest. Eddie– Eddie said he–
The harengon chuckles, but it sounds like his throat is full of nails. Like it hurts. ‘At least allow me to apologize before you make that decision,’ he says. ‘Because there’s more. In the beginning, I thought I was doing the right thing, but as time passed I realized I had only succeeded in hurting the both of us.’
Eddie’s gaze pins Oli to the sand. ‘I can’t stop thinking about you. Your grit and your sheer determination to endure, the joy on your face when you make music, even your stubbornness – whenever I close my eyes, there’s you. You’ve captivated my heart and my soul.’
He bites his lip. It’s plush and pink, paling under the pressure of his white front teeth and Oli’s stomach lurches at the sight like it’s turning itself inside out.
‘It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way about me as you did before,’ the harengon continues. ‘You’ve given me so many chances and I seized none of them. If you… If you want me to leave, please tell me. There will be no resentment, I promise. You’re still welcome in Sanctuary; in the tavern, in my smithy, wherever you choose to go.’
The words cut through Oli like a burning knife. He might as well be free-falling off that bloody cliff again, except this time, the landing will crush every bone in his body. With shaking fingers, he cups Eddie’s cheek. The fur around his eyes is feather-soft. A few white hairs stipple the grey. He looks… exhausted, from keeping it all inside for so long.
Well, Oli is, too. He rises onto his tiptoes, nudging his nose against Eddie’s. ‘Don’t go,’ he whispers, breathless and terrified of bridging the gap. ‘Please.’
‘Never,’ Eddie says fiercely. His arms wrap tightly around him, cradling Oli close like he’s the most precious thing in the world, and his lips seal fire-hot over Oli’s own.
*
Eddie seemed tired enough to collapse when he ran across the sand and the confession must have taken the rest out of him, because he petty much fell on top of Oli the moment they stopped to come up for air.
He didn’t bother moving to the cliff-face for shelter, he simply slurred an apology into Oli’s shoulder and started snoring.
Oli tried dragging him to the nook the horse discovered the day before, but had to give up on his valiant attempts almost immediately. Even after several weeks of travelling, Eddie was still thrice his weight. So he settled for shoving his cloak under the harengon’s head – Eddie’s own is wrapped around him; the same colour as Oli’s, with the addition of Sanctuary’s coat of arms embroidered onto its collar – and sitting down close to him.
Which was a brilliant idea, because his thoughts are spinning like a roller-coaster at maximum speed.
Eddie kissed him.
He kissed Eddie.
No, Eddie definitely kissed him. Eddie likes him. He’d said so, right before the kissing, and he’d apparently followed Oli’s trail across the entire continent to tell him. Which does some really funny things to Oli’s stomach. All warm and… fizzy. He wraps his arms around his knees.
Next to him, the harengon’s broad chest rises and falls with the rhythm of his breathing. It’s soothing, especially put together with the sound of the waves. It makes Oli want to curl up close and doze for a while, too. With Eddie right here, even the fact that none of his friends know him any more seems suddenly bearable.
Oli jolts upright.
The flutter behind his sternum morphs into something less pleasant. Something more akin to actual seasickness. He didn’t think of it back then, because it seemed like it would never become an issue, but there are things Eddie doesn’t know about him. Important things.
First of all, there’s the string. It hums against his ribs, radiating giddy excitement through his chest and limbs and tying them together tighter than ever before.
Eddie didn’t like the idea of Oli catching feelings for him during his recovery, because he thought it was transference. He was convinced Oli’s attachment to him developed because he was the only person Oli got to see – because Oli had no other choice. And he’d hated it so much he cut off contact entirely the moment he found out, calling in Robin to care for him instead. What is he going to do when he discovers Oli is bound to him by a magical string which is definitely not giving him the option not to love Eddie?
He’s going to assume those feelings aren’t Oli’s at all; that he’s not in it for himself. And then he’ll leave.
Oli’s guts twist. He lets go of his legs so his fingers won’t scratch new red lines into his flesh. That’s another thing, he thinks, dropping his gaze to his hands. Or rather, his claws.
Their flaming purple is hidden now; his curved talons concealed underneath soft, human skin. Just like Joel’s golden eyes or Sausage’s feathered wings. They moved on from the empty world that was their playground for a while and looking back, it seems to have happened in the blink of an eye.
It’s going to happen again. They’re going to leave. This time, Oli will take care to wake on schedule and depart with the others, but the point is: the sand in the hourglass is continuously running, but the river of time parts around them like water around a rock.
‘I don’t want that to happen to Sausage,’ Eddie’s words resonate in his ear. ‘He deserves someone who will love him, just him, for the rest of their very own forever.’
Oli’s heart jumps into his throat. His blood rushes thick and fast, cutting off his air. His gaze snaps to Eddie’s sleeping form beside him. There’s no echo when he inhales; no ripples that persist through the endless darkness of the void. His heartbeat fades away into all-encompassing silence, unlike Joel’s, or Sausage’s, or Shelby’s, even if none of them know it. He’s entirely, terrifyingly mortal and that’s why Oli can’t give him eternity.
One day, Eddie is going to d– leave.
Oli buries his head in his hands. When that doesn’t help with the nausea, he sticks his temples between his knees. Breathe. It’s not that time yet. This is now. Breathe!
He digs his fingernails into his palms.
He has Eddie now. He’s not going to let him go. He couldn’t bear it, the mere idea of it is too much, he needs him–
The harengon snuffles, shifting in his sleep. His shoulder nudges Oli’s back, derailing his mental spiral.
There’s no one to spill either of his secrets, he realizes with a start. Except for the angry woman in Cogsmeade, maybe. But he’s never going to go return to that place.
It’s kinda funny, in a really ironical way. Not even twenty-four hours ago, his friends not remembering who he is seemed like the worst thing in the world. Now, the thought fills him with relief.
Eddie will never know.
Of course this means whatever is going to grow between them is founded at least partly on a lie, but then again, Oli’s lied for less. He borrowed, begged, stole and cheated. Many a time.
Besides, he’s going to outlive Eddie. So it’s not like he has to twist himself inside out to keep this particular secret on the down-low.
*
‘Oli?’
He jolts, head whipping around.
Eddie sits up, running a palm over his face. His cloak slips off his shoulder, trailing behind him, sticky with sand. He looks… dishevelled. Rogueish. Handsome. Oli’s guts squirm.
The harengon’s stormy eyes settle on him. ‘You’re still here.’
Oli frowns. ‘Where else would I be?’
‘Gone with the wind?’ Eddie rolls his neck, then sighs. ‘I feel like everything I said earlier came out as a bit of a jumbled mess.’
His cheeks redden beneath his fur.
Oli’s mouth curves. ‘You got your point across.’
‘Did I?’
‘If not with your words then with your, um.’ He breaks off, flushing, and presses his lips together. He can still taste Eddie on them. Wild berries and carrot bread; honey straight from the comb.
‘Maybe.’ The harengon furrows his brows. ‘Are you okay?’
Oli blinks. ‘Huh? Yes, why?’
‘You’ve been crying.’
He lifts a hand, slowly, giving Oli plenty of time to move before cupping his face. A thumb swipes over his skin, half an inch below his eyes.
Oli casts his gaze away. ‘I’m fine. Just thinking.’
‘Care to share?’
Not in a billion years.
‘About what you said,’ he hedges. ‘Trying to figure out what it means.’
Eddie’s mouth twitches. ‘So I put it poorly after all.’
‘That’s not–’
The harengon stops him with the tip of a finger against his lips. He shifts until he’s facing Oli, ears up and serious. ‘Will you allow me yet another try? This time, I’ll endeavour to give you the full picture.’
Oli swallows. Nods.
‘I want to start a relationship with you, Oli,’ says Eddie. ‘It may be greedy of me, but I want it all: your affection, your loyalty, your fidelity, your pig-headedness, your quick wit, your good days and your bad days. I want to get a chance to bake pumpkin pie for you again and listen to your music. I want to walk the streets of Sanctuary with you under the stars and hold you in my arms until the morning dawns.’
Oli stares. His heart thunders in his chest, hoof-beats at a full gallop, and his throat feels bone-dry. ‘How am I supposed to say no to that?’
‘You should at least consider it,’ Eddie says. His forehead creases, expression darkening. ‘I… There are differences between us.’
‘Like these?’ Oli gestures above his head. ‘We’re hardly the first to jump the species barrier.’
‘I’m older than you by at least a decade. Probably more.’
Oli snorts. ‘You don’t look it. Spry as a young buck, you are.’
‘Oli.’
‘I don’t care about your age or mine.’
‘How about the fact that I dropped everything – my business, my apprentices, my commitments, even my family – to stalk and chase you across the continent? You know, like a sensible adult.’
The sarcasm drips from his tone so thick Oli can’t help but raise a brow.
‘I kissed you on the ledge of a tavern roof with thirty feet of yawning nothingness below me. If you’d left me up there, I’d have died from heat stroke.’
Eddie shakes his head. ‘That’s different, and I would never have done that.’
‘I know. That’s why–’
‘I cannot be rational about you, Oli,’ Eddie cuts in. ‘I want to be, believe me. I want to be the most stable and trustworthy person in your life, but my simply being here proves beyond a doubt I’m not.’
Oli’s heart hurts. It shouldn’t, because the other is close enough to touch – is touching him – but it does.
‘You ran into a burning building to save me. That’s not exactly what people would call level-headed, even if you didn’t feel anything for me back then. I already knew you’re kind of insane.’ He shrugs. ‘Wanting it all is not a bad thing. And it’s for sure not something just you want. We’re the same, you and I.’
A slow heat suffuses his cheeks until his face feels like it’s on fire. He’s probably beet red from his hair all the way down to his belly.
I need you. To hold me, and to stay. More than I need the air in my lungs.
He can’t say it out loud. He doesn’t have the right to ask anything of Eddie when he’s the one only telling half the truth. He should be grateful that the harengon is giving him another shot at all, and he is.
Eddie takes his hand and squeezes it. ‘Alright. I won’t argue with you. I want us to be together. You and me, to the exclusion of all others.’
Oli blinks. ‘Sausage told you to specify that, didn’t he?’
‘Not in so many words, but I know my boy.’ He smiles. ‘What say you?’
Oli can’t tear his eyes away from Eddie’s face. The face he’s going to wake up to every morning from now on. Nothing has ever been this much of a no-brainer.
‘Yes. Let’s do it.’