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Rain.
Chuuya loved it.
In his good days, it was a relaxing sound, and he wasn't the type to run from getting a little wet. It smelled good, and especially if it was a calm rain without wind or storm nothing could keep him inside. He would run out without an umbrella, open his arms and float around, forfetting about life for a few minutes, or hours, then come back to headquarters all soaked and get scolded by Kouyou.
In his bad days, it hid his tears.
Chuuya wasn't one to burden others with his tears.
So, as he stood on the rooftop, all by himself, he let tears run down his face silently.
He didn't usually let himself have it, but every once in a while... He gave into the urge.
He didn't let himself have it, but apparently his body decided against it, tears forcing their way out of his eyes. The lump in his throat didn't loosen since he didn't let his control over his voice slip away, unlike when he got angry.
Rain could hide his tears, but it couldn't hide his sobs, not if it wasn't a storm.
Chuuya didn't like storms.
So he cried silently.
Air got caught in his throat, causing his breath to hitch. He breathed, rather shakily, still not letting a single voice slip out.
It was pathetic.
He didn't deserve to cry.
He needed to provide protection and comfort. Not need it.
What even was there in his life to cry?
Past was past.
He did not deserve the time to dwell on it.
Yet, he couldn't help it, causing the guilt to envelope him alongside the despair he couldn't really put a finger on. It ran in his veins, making him hate walking, hate breathing, hate his life, yet he pushed it deep inside.
He didn't deserve to give up. Not when there were still some things he could protect. Not when he still had things he needed to do. He didn't deserve it, didn't even deserve breaking.
Yet, he cracked.
Knees trembling, he took in a shaky breath, trying to steady himself and stop his tears from running.
You don't get to cry.
Pull it together.
Pull...
He sighed as he felt a presence he knew too well behind him.
The rain kept pouring.
Like the sky was crying.
Silently, just like him.
"Fuck off." he whispered weakly, hoping it would send him off.
He didn't have the energy to do it now.
Not now.
When the man behind him didn't move, he huffed frustratedly.
"Please." he said, voice cracking.
Then arms sneaked around him, and Chuuya froze.
A moment later, he was pulled into a tight embrace from the back. He stumbled on the ground, back flush against Dazai's chest, the man's head resting on his. Arms around him held him securely, comforting, protecting.
Chuuya forgot to breathe.
Lips apart, eyes blurry, body stiff, he simply stood there as tears kept rolling down slowly.
"Let go." he whispered.
But then Dazai tightened his embrace, and Chuuya gave in, leaning against him.
No, said the voice in his head, You don't deserve it, pull back, pull—
"You don't need to be alone." Dazai whispered, taking the red head's hat off to nuzzle against his hair. "I'm here."
And the words were so genuine, arms around him were so comforting, the body behind him was so protecting that the voice in his head short circuited and Chuuya couldn't move.
He choked on his own breath, a few more tears streaming down his face silently as Dazai did nothing but held him.
And, oh, how much Chuuya needed it.
How much he needed to let go and lean on.
It was weak, and undeserving, and Chuuya hated the way he felt, but—
But he felt safe.
"It's raining." he whispered, afraid that his voice might break. "Why did you come?"
Dazai sighed against his hair. "My shrimp-in-need-of-help senses were tingling."
Chuuya couldn't find it in himself to get mad, body still stiff in Dazai's embrace. Instead, he sighed.
Dazai's hands traveled a little on his stomach, tigthening the embrace. Then the taller man buried his face fully in the fiery hair, and whispered one word.
"Stay."
Chuuya blinked, causing one or two more tears to go down, not understanding what Dazai meant.
But then he realized where they were, standing on the edge of a rooftop.
Oh.
"I—" he tried to speak, lowering his voice when it cracked. "I... Wasn't gonna jump, idiot."
Dazai hummed against his hair, not loosening his embrace.
Neither Chuuya nor the sky stopped crying.
"I'm here." Dazai whispered, though it came a little muffled. "Even if everything goes down."
Chuuya had to hold his breath to remain silent.
Dazai held onto his shirt. "I know you're lost, but I'm here."
Lost?
Was he... lost?
Maybe.
Chuuya didn't really think about himself.
His body relaxed under Dazai's touch.
"Just... Stay, and I'll follow you into hell if you want."
Chuuya chuckled, a choked, broken sound coming from his throat. "You're being too sappy."
"I'm being literal."
He caressed Chuuya's sides gently, comfortingly, protectively, and Chuuya melted into it, letting out another choked sound, this time resembling a sob.
Dazai kept holding him.
And Chuuya couldn't see it, but he smiled bitterly.
He might be strong, but he did need to lean on something, someone, every once in a while.
It wasn't a weakness, but it felt undeserving, because Chuuya was supposed to be protecting—
And yet.
He couldn't bring himself to move, trembling in the embrace he yearned so much.
"Dazai..." he whispered, voice weak, broken, a step away from sobbing and Dazai breathed into his hair, holding him tight.
"It's okay, Chuuya." he said, and the red head held onto his sleeves, finding his grounding.
Dazai shifted a little, still holding him just as close. "I think a storm is coming," he said, "Let's get you home."
Chuuya blinked. "Home?"
"My place, if it's good for you."
He stayed silent for a moment, thinking. "...Then?"
"...Then I'll make you hot chocolate." Dazai said, chuckling lightly.
Chuuya huffed. Last time Dazai had tried to make hot chocolate, he had burnt it.
Yeah.
He had burnt hot chocolate.
"And?" he asked, staring at the horizon with blurry eyes. The rain started to pour ruthlessly, and even if it was hiding Chuuya's tears perfectly, Dazai was probably right about a storm coming.
"And—"
Just then, a lightning streak somewhere far away, Dazai's words getting cut off as Chuuya's breath hitched and his grip on the man's arms tightened, fingers digging into his sleeves.
Something buzzed in him.
Dazai waited for the distant clap of thunder to pass, leaning his head on Chuuya's, benefiting from their height difference.
Then he held him even closer, like that's possible, as if he was trying to prove a point.
"...And I'll protect you from the storm all night~"
Chuuya snorted lightly at that, even though his heart pounded in his ears, something inside his ribs trembling weakly.
"...Like I'd need that." he whispered.
Dazai was not just talking about the storm in the sky, and Chuuya knew that, and he knew that he might, very much, need that.
Not like he would say a word about it.
"But, okay."
Later, as they made their way into Dazai's place, his prediction turned out to be true and the sky started roaring.
He didn't burn the hot chocolate this time. It tasted good. Too sweet for Chuuya's liking, maybe, but still good.
Then, as roars ripped the sky open via thunders, sobs ripped Chuuya's throat brutally after years of crying silently.
He didn't think as he let the arms envelope him, shield him from the storm inside him, tears streaming down his face in a not so elegant way this time.
The rain couldn't hide his tears nor his sobs this time, but Dazai was here.
He was here to protect.
And he didn't intend to leave.
Chuuya didn't have to shoulder it all by himself. Not this time, at least. Not that night, not when he shivered as his partner hugged him, not when he melted into the embrace, not when he let it all out while wrenching his heart.
"Even if you fall," Dazai had whispered, "I'll be there to catch you."
And it was not like him, but he stood with his words.
The sky calmed down after it let all its burden pour onto earth, moon rising beautifully.