Chapter Text
Ever since he’d been promoted to squad leader, which really wasn’t that long ago, Jean had slept in his own room. Sure he’d missed the late night conversations that go on in the barracks, seeing whatever stupid things Connie would get up to and his almost nightly bickering with Eren. But the peace and quiet. He could wake up at his own time and not because someone had been being extra loud. He also had the privacy he had craved for his entire time in the military. A personal toilet and shower seemed like heaven when he’d first heard it.
What he didn’t expect was to feel so lonely, he had grown up so used to constantly sharing rooms or even beds when the weather was bad, that when he was finally by himself, it felt like he was missing something. He missed the constant chatter- even when it got to an almost unbearable volume. It was far favourable too being alone with his thoughts.
Especially since his thoughts had taken a rather interesting turn recently. A particular green eyed boy seemed to be at the forefront of his head almost every night. Sometimes it would be with anger as he mutters to himself what an idiot he was. Other times he would think about the way his eyelashes fluttered and the slope of nose. And a few times it had been in a way of lust, the way he would look pinned down beneath Jean with his hips twitching upwards.
Tonight it happened to be the former, Eren had been especially cranky and irritable the last few days. Not even rising to the taunts Jean had given him, instead just replying with things like ‘ get a grip dude’ and ‘ you should be more mature’. It was pissing him off.
Speaking of Eren, there was a knock at his door, Jean mumbles that he’s coming and continues to brush his teeth. Then the knocks suddenly come in rapid succession, like they were trying to smash the door down. Jean spits into the sink and wipes his mouth as he walks to the door.
“Geez I’m coming, I’m coming” Jean rolls his eyes, already assuming who would be at the door. He is proved correct once he opens it.
“Jean!” Eren exclaims, seemingly incredibly happy to see him. And a complete one-eighty from his previous moods. He shoves past Jean, lightly pacing around the room and picking things up. “We need to go” Eren turns to look at him.
“Go where?” Jean questions. Eren’s seemingly erratic behaviour concerning him.
“We need to go now, come on” Eren grabs him by the arm and tries to drag him out. Jean stumbles as he is pulled out of his room.
“Where!?” Jean questions again, and once again, getting no answer.
“I realised I haven’t been living my life properly, I need to explore!” Eren explains to no avail. Jean finally puts a foot down.
“Eren, what are you talking about” he escapes from his grasp and turns to face him. “What do you mean”
“I need to leave, I need to see the ocean”
“Eren we’ve already seen the ocean” Jean says, trying not to freak out at how insane Eren sounds.
“Yes, but I didn’t see it right, surely there had to be another way of looking at it” he pauses. “The horses are bored, we need to give them something to do”
It takes Jean a minute to compose himself, realise Eren isn’t backing down about going to the ocean, this is not normal Eren behaviour- no matter how much of a suicidal maniac he is. And then a few seconds for Jean to admit that he has to go with him.
“Alright… When are we leaving” Jean says. Eren looks elated.
“Now, come on, I’ve already got my bags packed” Eren tries to drag his arm again.
“Hold on Eren, lemme pack first” Jean backtracks to his room, at the increasing agitation of Eren. The former follows behind, his pacing uneven as he laps around Jean's room while he packs.
“Jean” he whines. “We need to leave” he grabs Jean's arm to stop him from packing. “We’re going to run out of time” his voice now sounding irritable like it had been yesterday.
“Eren” Jean pulls his arm out of Eren’s grip “you’re acting crazy, the ocean isn’t going anywhere and we are not running out of time”
“Yes we are, the ocean might not be there anymore, it could be an illusion, a trick of the eye” he pauses, taking a few rushed breaths “and everyone will be waking up soon, we need to leave before they wake up! They won’t understand!” He sounds panicked now. His moods seemed to cycle through a loop. Jean finally packs his bag, he scribbles out a note explaining the situation. And much to Eren’s pleasure, begins to walk out the door.
The minute they had left Jean's room, Eren seemed to be in an exceptionally better mood. However his footsteps and movements still looked jerky and erratic to Jean. An untrained eye, or someone who hadn’t known Eren for as long as he had- wouldn’t even notice it. But Jean saw in the way his hands lightly shook and the way his footsteps were uneven, he kept almost tripping over his own feet.
“Oh Jean, don’t you remember when we were cadets and that one time when we were in the barracks and we had that fight and then I pushed you off the bunk bed and you almost broke your arm and you got so mad I thought you were really about to kill me for a second- Ah! That reminds of another time where we had a drinking competition just after we graduated the cadets and then I drank so much that I threw up on your pants and those were your favourite ones and you had to throw them out and that was another time I thought you were going to kill me haha”
Jean blinks a few times, struggling to even register words coming from Eren’s mouth- the latter talking so fast Jean almost didn’t realise he was still speaking English.
Eren only quiets down when they reach the stables, too focused on preparing his horse to talk his own head off. Jean revels in the silence, getting himself ready for the fact he might be stuck with this Eren for a while.
—-
Jean doesn’t know how long he’s been riding for, all he knows is his ass aches, his arms were heavy from constantly holding the reins and his eyes were struggling with the effort to stay open- considering he had no sleep the previous night, and now the early-morning glow had faded and the sun was creeping up the sky. He couldn’t keep going.
“Oi Eren, when are we gonna rest” Jean moans. Eren cocks his head.
“When the sun sets, are you tired or something?” Jean almost cries, he needs his sleep otherwise he gets emotional and irrational. He has been compared to a toddler that didn’t get its nap. And Jean has to admit they aren’t exactly wrong. Somehow Eren, who may have gotten an hour or two of sleep at most, looks completely fine. Jean doesn’t get it.
Finally Eren stops his horse. “Jean, if you're tired, then come on the back of my horse and you can sleep while we travel” As far as he can tell, Eren is dead serious. So he hops off his horse, puts Eren’s bags on his horse and then climbs onto Eren’s horse. Then they are moving again. Jean jostles uncomfortably against Eren. The latter groans in annoyance and reaches behind him to grab Jean's arms and pull them around his waist. “Just rest your head on my shoulder, stop being so straight”
In his sleep-deprived state, Jean finds that hilarious, snickering to himself as he buries his head in the crook of his neck, trying to block out the sunlight. In this position, with his arms wrapped around Eren’s waist, he is consumed by the boy, the scent of his shampoo- mint- overpowering his nostrils. The feeling of Eren’s back slowly rising and falling with each breath lulls Jean into sleep.
He wakes up hours later still feeling unrested- but the desperate need for sleep has been satiated. He could survive the next few hours now. The sun had just passed the peak of the sky and had begun its descent- jean guesses it’s about two or three in the afternoon now. He lifts his head up so his chin is resting on Eren’s shoulder. Ignoring the jolts with every step the horse took. Jean doesn’t move the arms still wrapped around Eren’s waist. Not fully awake and enjoying the heat the youger was radiating. Eren seemed to notice Jean being awake.
“Good afternoon sleepyhead” he greets Jean, only to be met with a groan.
“Eren you should swap with me, you’ve barely had any sleep and you’ve gotta be exhausted by now” Jean reluctantly admits. Eren shrugs.
“I’m not that tired, I had a couple hours of sleep before I woke you anyway” Eren rebuts
“I don’t really care, swap with me and sleep before you crash” Eren scoffs before hopping off the horse and letting Jean scoot forward. He pulls himself back on and wraps his arms around Jean's waist. Repeating his position that Jean had been in earlier.
“Hey Jean, do you remember when you spilt beer all over your pants the other day” Eren begins. Jean groans.
“ No I don’t, why don’t you remind me” he replies incredibly sarcastically.
“Ok, so basically you were like tryna drink the beer from the giant mug all of us insisted you didn’t get because you’d be too drunk to hold it properly but you said fuck all you, I can kill titans, stop telling me I can’t hold a cup ” Eren snickers as he recalls the story “and then you couldn’t hold the cup, and everyone was laughing”
Everyone except you. Jean thinks, what he remembers most that night was Eren being totally shut-down, sitting in the corner and nursing a large mug of beer and not talking to anyone- no matter how much people tried to include him.
Jean decides not to speak his thoughts out loud. Not wanting to ruin the good mood Eren seemed to be in. But once the dark-haired boy had finished talking, they remained in silence. For a brief moment Jean thought Eren had gone to sleep. But his breathing wasn’t deep enough and his arms were still tense.
“Hey Jean, how many guys have you kissed?” Jean can hear the smirk on his voice.
“More than you obviously” Jean retorts.
“Oh really” Eren replies, sounding doubtful. “Let me name all mine” he lilts. “Armin, Connie” he places a finger on Jean’s back for every person he lists. “Random guy from the tavern, Reiner-“
“Reiner?!” Jean interrupts in shock.
“Yeah, Reiner, I knew he was gay so I asked him how he figured it out when we were in cadets. And then he kinda taught me how to kiss” Eren finishes his story. Jean remains in silence, some sort of ugly feeling pooling in his gut. “Oh of course,” Eren begins again. He grabs Jean's hair and pulls it backwards so that Jean was looking at the sky with his head resting on his shoulder. “Can’t forget you” he whispers into his exposed neck. Jean could feel the breath of every word dancing on his skin.
A fire licks in his belly. His face goes red. Eren laughs.
“Geez you need to get laid” he lets go of his hair and Jean yanks his head up, desperate to hide his still growing blush.
—
The two travel with Eren’s aimless chattering for a few more hours before Eren’s spots a lake and reaches around Jean to grab the reins and pull the horse to a stop.
“Jean! Let's go swimming!” Eren almost yells in his ear. Jean pushes his face away.
“I didn’t bring anything that I can swim in” Jean says- mildly upset because swimming sounds so nice after sitting on horseback for the last nine hours.
“Then just wear nothing” Eren says like it’s the simplest thing in the world. He slides off the horse and leads both of them to a small tree by the lake. Tying up the reins and pulling the bags off. “Should we stay here for the night?” Eren asks. Jean shrugs
“Why not, it’s not like we have to worry about titans or anything” Jean hops off the horse after its reins were secured.
With the sun further down in the sky, they don’t have to worry about sun burns or heat stroke. But since it was summer, they still had that all-day warmth that stretched out into the night. Jean watches as Eren strips down to his boxers. The muscles in his back stretch as he lifts his arms up. His eyes trace up and down his unblemished skin, perfectly smooth and olive.
Compared to his own scar-riddled, paler skin. Jean seemed inferior. The giant permanent marks from the ODM gear seared into his back, shoulders, and legs. Eren briefly turns back to look at Jean. His vibrant green eyes almost glowing in the sun. And his fringe tucked behind one of his ears. Jean has a sudden realisation that Eren is beautiful. Almost in the same way he considers Mikasa beautiful. Everything about him is perfect.
From an objective point of view, of course. Jean doesn’t like Eren in that way.
Eren beckons him into the water and Jean follows. Swimming wasn’t something any of them got to do very often. The water was either too polluted and used for boats, or they just never had the time- excluding the times they have had to bathe in rivers while the survey corps was being hunted.
The water is cold on his feet, Jean, for a split second regrets going in. But looking at Eren floating on his back in the deeper end pushes him forward. Eren’s seems so peaceful. His mood having improved from earlier in the morning when he was frantic and begging Jean to come with him. He slowly gets deeper and deeper, shivering every time the water would hit somewhere unexpected.
Once he reaches shoulder deep water, he kicks off the bottom and swims over to Eren. The former basking in the sun. And for some reason, Jean is drawn to his chest. He’s never paid Eren this much attention before. But he is amazingly sculpted. His pecs looked rounded and smooth and his nipples were a-
No, Jean was not going there. He would not be thinking about the colour of Eren’s Jaeger’s nipples.
To dislodge these thoughts, he pulls Eren under the water. The brown haired boy comes back up a spluttering mess and hair sticking to his face like vines. His eyes still the same vibrant green that has Jean so entranced.
“Fuck you!” Eren yells the second he has finished coughing up water. But Jean can see the laughter in his eyes to know he isn’t serious.
“Oh really Jaeger, how gay of you” Jean replies with an air of pomposity. Eren just tackles him back under the lake.
They tussle for what seems like minutes but was probably only about twenty seconds before Jean is scrabbling up to the surface to take a breath. The feel of Eren’s wet skin against his is not good for his mental health. But Eren pulls him down again, wrapping his legs around Jean's waist. Jean frantically shoves at his chest. Desperate for a single breath. Eren still doesn’t let go. Jean can’t see under the water and thrashes around, his panic increasing because Eren won’t let him go. Finally as his head begins to fuzz and he feels himself sinking, he is freed. He swims to the surface with a dizzying franticness.
His first breath of fresh air is filled with relief. He wipes the water from his eyes and swims to the bank, hauling his water-logged body from the lake.
“What the fuck is wrong with you dude?” Jean spits. Chest still heaving for air.
And for a brief moment, Eren looks utterly insane. His green eyes wide and staring, and his face void of emotion and expression. Jean feels a chill roll down his spine. But just as quick as he saw it, it was gone and Eren was swimming over to the bank.
“Dude you good?” Eren launches himself from the water much more gracefully than Jean had. Water racing down all the crevices of his toned stomach.
“Fuck man, I thought you were tryna kill me” Jean pants.
“Yeah, I’m not sure why I did that” Eren replies sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head like Jean wasn’t seconds away from death.
“Whatever” Jean shrugs. Surprised at why he’s forgiving Eren so easily. He flops backwards, the grass soft against his skin. He places a hand over his eyes to block the sun.
“You’re not coming back in?” Eren sounds dejected.
“Nah” he closes his eyes under his hands.
“Oh well, your loss” Eren responds before slipping back down into the water. Jean sits up once he is sure Eren has gone. He watches as he swims through the water with the grace of a fish. Something about him just drew Jean in.
Alluring- that was the word Jean needed, Eren was alluring. Everything about him demands Jean's attention. He guesses that is why they clashed so much when they were children. Jean couldn’t help but notice Eren- including all the things he did that annoyed Jean to no extent.
Jean lies back on the ground, puts his head in his arms and groans. Why does Eren have to take up every single part of my life?
Somewhere throughout his contemplation, Jean falls asleep. The combination of the gentle breeze and the warm sun beating down on him made it too easy to drift into unconsciousness.
——
The first thing he notices when he wakes is a heavy weight on top of him. The second thing he notices is the water dripping into him from above. And finally he opens his eyes and sees Eren sitting on his stomach, hands on either side of his shoulders, and those wonderful green eyes staring down at him.
“Eren!” What hell are you doing?!” Jean exclaims, yet making no move to shove the boy off him.
“I was checking to see if you were awake” he explains like it was a completely normal thing to do.
“Ugh, you’re so gay Jaeger, if you have a crush on me just admit it” Jean teases. Eren doesn’t say a word. Instead deciding to stare at him from above. His gaze felt like it was going through Jean, like he was analysing his thoughts and emotions. His emerald eyes wide and bright. A small flush creeps across his cheeks and he finally averts his eyes, pulling his legs off Jean to sit by him instead.
Jean turns his head to look at him. Eren had been acting all sorts of odd for the last weeks and Jean really can’t be bothered to try and work out why anymore.
He pats the grass beside him. “Lay with me Jaeger”
“Who’s the gay one now Kirstein?” Eren murmurs as he lays in the grass, cradling his head in his hands, looking up towards the sky. Jean wondered why they still called each other by their last names, when they had clearly passed the point of even pretending to hate each other. He supposed it was almost like a nickname, and an identifier to who was calling for him. Jean knew if he heard his last name, Eren would be calling him and vice versa.
Jean realises Eren has been silent for a while, he turns his head to check on the quiet boy, only to find him resting. Or at least he assumes.
It was common knowledge that- in Sasha and Connie’s words- Eren has a smokin’ hot bod. And looking at him now, Jean definitely knows it’s true. Especially when he’s clad only in boxers, water dripping off his skin, and the setting sun highlight his features and tan skin. Jean’s fingers itched to run over the edge of his hip bones and in the dips of muscle on his stomach. To feel how strong the boy really was, to feel the hard muscle twitch beneath his fingertips.
“I know you’re staring at me Jean” Eren lilts in a teasing tone. Jean blushes furiously and whips his head back up to Eren’s face. The former having his green eyes cracked open. “Oh, I’m not saying you need to stop, I can tell you like what you see”, the grin on his face could only be described as shit-eating. He knew what he was doing.
Jean makes a sound of displeasure and rolls over so his back is turned to Eren. A rock digs uncomfortably into his side- but he makes no effort to move.
“Jean,” Eren laughs “Jean come on, I’ll pretend to be asleep and you can stare at my abs againn” he drags on the end of his sentence in a whine. Jean huffs in response. Continuing with whatever game they’re playing. Jean thinks he’s won.
Until a hand is placed on his shoulder. A hand that slowly slides down his chest until it rests on his collarbones. “Jean” he whines, this time, with a much more sexual intent. “Don’t you wanna look at me?” His voice slightly higher.
Jean stiffens, not prepared for Eren to start acting like this. He wills his body to calm down and to not be affected by something so dumb. Eren repositions himself so that he has one hand on Jean’s hip, and another on his shoulder. His face leaning over to look at Jean.
“Come on Kirstein” he practically moans in his ear. “Why don’t you wanna look at me? Do I make you nervous? ". He would not dignify Eren with a response. Although his tightly-wound body and blushing face were an exact indicator of how he was feeling.
“The hell are you tryna do Eren?” he finally responds, voice much shakier than he anticipated. Embarrassment flooding through his veins at how pathetic he sounds
“Calm down Jeanbo” Eren laughs “just a little bit of messing around”. Jean rolls his eyes.
“Yeah, by tryna fuck me” he scoffs. Eren rolls back over to face the sky.
“And what about it, you’re a fine piece of meat Kirstein, and I can see the way those new recruits whisper around you”
It finally clicks to Jean that Eren is blatantly flirting with him. Not in a joking manner- he was being serious. And if he says that doesn’t excite him, he would be lying.
So he lightly shoves the boy lying beside him. “Don’t you have Armin to be gay with or something”
“Well I don’t see Armin here” Eren retaliates. “Looks like you have to be the substitute”
“Oh great, just what I was hoping for, fucking Eren in a tent after running away from the survey corps” Jean drawls.
“Hey! Who said you would be fucking me? I would totally be top” Eren suddenly sits up.
Jean follows “nuh-uh! I'm taller so I would top! You wish!”
“What! That’s dumb logic! What does height have to do with anything?”
“Uhh! Everything! My dick is logically bigger so that means it would be better for you”
“Better for me” Eren drawls sarcastically “well I’m glad you’re thinking of my well-being”
“Yeah, you would be lucky to have a fuck like me” Jean responds. Eren just rolls his eyes. The sun is now on the edge of the horizon, casting the landscape with an orangey-hue. Eren abruptly stands up, placing his hands on his hips.
“Let’s get the tent set up” he squeezes the last drops of water from his hair and starts towards the horses. Jean hauls himself up, brushing the grass off his back and follows Eren.
He watches as Eren pulls off the bag, turns it upside down and shakes out all the contents. Jean sighs, he knows this is going to take a while.
——
By the time they have the tent set up, the sun is gone from the sky and they rely on a campfire for light. After struggling, arguing, fighting and maybe a little bit of tears, The canvas triangle is safely nestled between the trees. Jean unrolls the shitty blanket-thick military mattresses and puts them inside, Eren falling backwards onto them the minute they settle.
“Fuck” he winces, rubbing his back where he hit the ground the hardest “I forgot how shit these were” he grumbles. His face suddenly lighting up.
“We should put both the beds on top of each other and then share a bed so it’s comfier” he points a finger in the air for emphasis in his brilliant idea. Jean mulls it over. He would enjoy a better sleep, and right now, sleeping on those beds would be as good as sleeping on the back of a moving horse. But sleeping next to Eren, especially with his current thought patterns- would pose a problem.
But would it really be that bad? He toys with the idea of waking up embraced in Eren’s arms and finds he likes it too much to let the opportunity slide.
“I guess” she shrugs “but you better not come onto me while I’m sleeping or some shit”
Eren snorts “same goes for you fairy-boy”. Jean scoffs, shoving Eren off the mattress and piling his on top.
“What are we eating? Did you bring rations?” Jean asks, a sudden panic overcoming him at Eren’s silence. “You bought rations right? Please tell me you did” Eren looks sheepish and Jean feels like he’s going to cry.
“Enough for like two days…” Jean pinches the bridge of his nose and looks up to the ceiling.
“It takes us a week to get to the ocean, why didn’t you pack more rations?”
“I wasn’t thinking properly” Eren actually looks apologetic. However that won’t save him from Jean's annoyance.
“Well you are so goddamn lucky I bought my shotgun so we can hunt while we’re out here” Eren doesn’t respond to him, instead he digs through his bag to find the food he brang. He hands Jean a packaged ration bar.
And Jean, finally realising the absurdity of the situation, laughs. The two people who hated each other the most in the entire survey corps, somehow ended up on a week-long camping trip at minimum alone, together, and were currently standing around in nothing but their boxers. Eren looks at him questioningly. Jean just snickers as he opens the ration bar. Trying to explain it to Eren would remove the funniness.
After they finish their pitiful dinner, Jean goes outside to re-check the horses are tied properly and Eren brings all their bags into the tent. Extra clothes are put on so that they aren’t sleeping almost naked. Then they are shuffling around on the mattress trying to find a comfortable position. Ending with the two boys lying opposite each other with back pressed together.
Even with the double layered mattress, the ground could still be felt. Jean already knew that it would be almost impossible to go to bed that night.
Within ten minutes, Jean had already compiled a list of things that annoyed him. It was too quiet, Eren’s breathing was too loud, he could feel the ground through the mattress, his shoulder felt stiff, they had almost no food left, it was too hot, Eren was too warm, the tent would make noise every time anyone moved an inch…
Point was, he could go on forever complaining about things.
“Hey Jean”
Oh right, and that was another thing. Eren would not stop trying to talk to him, every two minutes he’d try and start a conversation.
“What” Jean finally replies.
“Do you remember when we all snuck out to the lake at the end of our first year in cadets?” Eren’s voice sounds fond.
“Yeah, where we went skinny-dipping and Sasha didn’t tell us till the next morning that it was filled with cow shit, yes I remember that” Jean had a nagging in the back of his head that he knew what Eren was about to suggest.
“Why don’t we go skinny-dipping in this lake? It doesn’t have cow shit in it” Jean congratulated himself on being so well at reading Eren.
If this were any other person or any other situation. Jean would’ve said no before they could even ask. But with all logic thrown out the window. Jean decides it can’t be that bad of an idea.
“Fuck it, let’s go” Jean sits up, Eren’s face stretched with a smile. He stands and reaches out a hand for the other to grab. Slipping off their clothes with almost no embarrassment. However Jean still puts a hand over his crotch as they walk back to the lake. Based on how far the moon is in the sky, Jean guesses it’s reaching midnight.
Eren’s body is silhouetted by the moon. A few paces in front of Jean. Of course he could easily catch up to the shorter brunette, but Jean was perfectly content basking in his presence from behind. He knew that Eren would always be ahead of him. Will probably always be better than him. But Jean has accepted that, he doesn’t have to be as great as Eren Jaeger, but as long as he gets to be with him. He doesn’t really mind.
Eren whimpers as he touches the water. “It’s a lot colder than it was during the day” Jean laughs, dipping his toe in the water to test the temperature. Eren was correct, it was much colder. But he braves the freezing waters and wades in until the water is up to his hips. He looks out to where Eren is treading water and waving violently for Jean to come out to him.
And Jesus Christ why can’t Jean stop thinking about Eren. With only the moonlight to see, He looks beautiful. His normally tan skin looking a silvery pale under the faint light, the frizzier parts of his hair caught the shine from the moon, turning them a bright white, almost as if a halo was around his head. And his eyes now seemed much darker from the shadow of his brow. Like his pupil had engulfed his entire iris. It enticed Jean in, and like a magnet, he followed the pull of his body to where Eren was.
Having the cold water circulate all around his body was an oddly freeing feeling, he felt closer to the water without any clothes to block the sensations. And thank god the water was cold otherwise Jean would have to try a lot harder to stop thinking about the fact he would be able to see Eren’s naked body with only a simple glance downwards.
But he still must not be trying hard enough as Eren calls him out. “What, having a hard time controlling your urges Jeanbo?” he teases.
“You wish, stop self-projecting onto me” Jean retorts, splashing Eren with water. The smirk drops from his face into a jaw-dropped offence. He splashed water back, jean however, has enough sense to duck under the water and avoid it. This irritates Eren as he wants Jean to suffer.
The exchange continues for a few minutes longer- Jean splashing Eren and then ducking under the water, and Eren getting more and more frustrated. Eventually he swims away, giving up to sulk in frustration. Jean snickers until Eren pulls himself from the water. The moonlight exaggerates every curve and crevice on his smooth skin and highlights the droplets of water rolling down his back. His eyes glued to the way his torso tapers down into his waist. A thought that he could wrap his hands around it briefly enters his mind.
At this moment, he was consumed by a deep intense need for Eren. Not in a sexual way, but he needs the younger brunette to be with him forever. He couldn’t imagine a life without him. He needs the boy to be in his life, to be the most important person to him. He wanted to be attached to Eren at the hip. He needs him to reside under his skin and help his heart beat.
If Eren were to ever leave, Jean doesn’t know if he could handle it.
—
The two sit in the shallows and talk about meaningless topics. Things they thought they would never usually think to tell the other.
“Ugh, Levi yelled at me the other day because I misplaced his feather duster, but then it turns out he misplaced it and he didn’t even apologise” Eren bemoans. Jean snickers, but instead of teasing him and calling him an idiot (his first response) he sympathises, agreeing with Eren on how much it sucks to be yelled at by Levi.
Jean mentions a girl that flirted with him in town last week, and instead of Eren calling the girl blind and brain damaged, or Jean a delusional freak. He lifts him up, and says good for you. Or something along those lines. Eventually Eren moves to an outcrop of rocks, carefully stacked by nature to form the perfect diving board.
“Hey Jean! Watch this!” Is the only warning he gets before watching Eren plummet about seven metres into the water below. A jolt of panic rushes through his veins and freezes him. Waiting with bated breath until Eren returns to the surface with a grin.
“You should try this, it’s so fun!” He drags Jean by the arm and swims over to the shore, Jean letting himself be pulled by the other. Eren scrambles up the rock like a mountain goat. Jean didn’t know much about them but it sounded like the right comparison. He follows Eren’s footsteps, grabbing onto the small ledges and dips to get to the top.
The wind rushes through his hair, blowing it out of his face. The view of the stars completely enrapturing him. You could never see them this well in the walls, all the light pollution- is what Armin called it- blocked the full light of the stars.
So now that he has access to it, he gently grabbed Eren by the arm, still looking up at the sky.
“Eren… look at this shit..” Jean says- still half not paying attention. He hears a tiny inhale of surprise from the shorter as he sees the stars like never before. The faint grasp on Eren’s warm skin is the only source of human contact for miles. A realisation of how romantic this situation is enters Jean's mind, and he isn’t really surprised to find out he doesn’t care that it’s with Eren.
It's barely a minute before Eren is tugging at Jean's grip.
“Dude hurry up” Jean reluctantly looks away from the sky, reminding himself that the stars aren’t going anywhere. He tentatively makes his way to the edge and looks over. His biggest kept secret fear of heights suddenly making a comeback. His body lurches and he stumbles backwards. Eren gives him a confused look.
“Don’t tell me you’re scared of heights?” Eren teases.
“I am” Jean sheepishly admits, Eren looks dumbfounded.
“But ODM gear? How did you cope with that? What about all the times we’ve stopped in trees like fifty metres above the ground? What about all the times we’ve been on the walls looking down? You’ve literally been on my titan!”
“That’s cause I had something to distract myself with, and I was always far too scared of titans to worry about heights ”
“So now that the titans are gone, you have no reason to be up so high” Eren smartly replies. Hand on his chin like he was in deep thought. Jean rolls his eyes.
“Congrats genius” Jean finally realised his hand is still on Eren’s arm, he quickly removes it.
“Then just jump down with me, then I’ll be the one making the decision” Eren pipes in, Jean surprised at his genuine helpfulness. “Close your eyes once we get to the edge so you don’t have to look down” Eren grabs his wrist and snakes his fingers between his own so they were holding hands. Jean takes calculated steps towards the edge, ignoring the pull on his arm from Eren a few steps in front.
He reaches the edge of the cliff and immediately snaps his eyes shut before he can even look over the edge. The warmth of Eren’s palm in his own is the only thing grounding him. The only thing he can feel aside from the cool breeze. He remembers once again that they are both naked and laughs in his head at how stupid they would look.
And then he can’t feel the ground beneath his feet anymore. He falls through the air for what seems like a minute, but was probably only a few seconds. Then he is in the water, a slight sting on his skin from where he hit the lake. The heat of Eren's hand still in his palm.
He doesn’t open his eyes until he re-surfaces, finally letting go of Eren to wipe the water from his face. His hair sticking uncomfortably to his neck.
“So, how was it?” Eren asks, his eyes wide.
“It wasn't that bad…” Jean admits, squeezing his hair to rid it of water. His feet finally touch the ground and he stands, the water barely going past his shoulders.
“I told you it was great” Eren replies, jaw clenching shut as he shivers, both of them noticing how cold it had become. They make a unanimous decision to get out of the lake, the cold stopping them from doing much besides shivering. Jean wraps his arms around his chest in a pitiful attempt to stave off the cold.
He wasn’t even sure when the temperature had dropped so drastically. The clothes they had left outside now damp with dew. Jean groans, reluctantly leaving them outside draping on a tree, and prayed they would be dry by the time they left. He slips on a pair of sleep shorts in his bag and crawls into bed, relishing in the warmth of the thick blanket. Jean feels the mattress dip and is momentarily terrified before he remembers that he and Eren were sharing.
Currently he is lying with his back facing Eren and staring at the tent wall, from what he could tell, Eren was lying with his back facing the tent so he was looking at Jean’s back. Then he throws a leg over his waist. And Jean definitely knows which way Eren is facing now. He presses his forehead against the nape of his neck and his leg slides downwards to cover Jean’s thigh.
His heart rate quickens, he feels like a rabbit trapped at the barrel of a gun. Except he’s a gay guy trapped under the leg of a very attractive man.
Screw it
He slides backwards so his back was fully pressed against Eren’s warm skin. Thankful for the other’s titan powers in more ways than one. And with the lull of Eren breathing as he drifts into sleep, Jean has no trouble doing the same