Work Text:
Saturday, November 21st, 2020
“I’m not hungry.”
“Mid-day check in.” Remus immediately demanded, going to his notes app to make sure he didn’t forget anything.
“Ugh, fine.” Severus consented, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop his boyfriend’s determination to make sure he was safe and healthy.
“What time did you go to bed last night?”
“....”
“Sev?”
“I laid down at 2:30, probably fell asleep around 3:00.”
“When did you get up today?”
“8:17.”
“What did you eat for breakfast?”
“Nothing.”
“What did you have for your morning snack?”
“Nothing.”
“What did you have for lunch?”
“Nothing.”
“How much water have you drunk today?”
“None.”
“What have you drank?”
“Coffee.”
“What kind?”
“Iced caramel frappe.”
“How much coffee have you had?”
“Approximately fifty ounces.”
“So,” Remus began, “let me get this straight—”
“As if you could do anything straight.”
“After getting five hours of sleep you proceeded to not eat anything for five hours all the while drinking fifty ounces of coffee and nothing else?”
“....What would you do if I said yes?” Severus joked.
“Did you change clothes from yesterday?”
“No.”
“Shower last night or this morning?”
“No.”
“Brush your teeth?”
“No.”
“Brush your hair?”
“No.”
“Sev, why didn’t you do anything that you were supposed to this morning?” Remus sighed, not really angry or disappointed, and put his phone away. He really just felt angry at the universe for making his boyfriend like this, but it wasn’t that strong right now.
“Same reason why I never do: I don’t have energy in the morning.”
“Yeah, but ....Whatever, let's just go eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“You have to eat.”
“I’ll eat my afternoon snack and dinner.” Severus promised, really meaning it.
“You’ve said that every day for the past two weeks.”
“And I’ve followed through.”
“You can’t keep restricting.”
“I’m not, I just don’t like eating in the morning.”
“You’re never going to hit a healthy weight for your body if you don’t feed it.”
“I do feed it.”
“One meal a day.”
“And a snack….Besides, do you know how many calories are in those 9.5 ounce bottles of coffee I drink?”
“No.”
“Two-hundred-ten.”
“Neither of us need to know that.”
“But, I do….C’mon Rem, I’ve already had over a thousand calories today, I’m not exactly starving to death. It could be way worse.”
“But, what about your mental health, it’s not just about your weight.”
“You were just complaining about my weight.”
“That was before you started calorie counting right in front of me.”
Severus sighed, pushing a stray strand of hair behind his ear with the rest of it. “I’m fine.”
“You’re anorexic.”
“In recovery.”
“You can’t recover if you restrict.”
“I’m really not hungry.”
“Sev, you know your body still can’t process hunger signals all the time, though you’re getting better at it. So, you have no idea if you’re hungry or not.”
“I can’t do it today.”
“Tomorrow?”
“I’ll eat my morning snack, but no breakfast.”
Remus really wished Severus could just heal now, feel fine with his body, but it would take time. This was a step in the right direction, so he had to encourage it.
“Sounds perfect.”