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Sergio was used to disappointment.
Even before he joined Formula 1, he knew what he was in for. Endless nights studying his own telemetry to see where he failed, teams rejecting him more than once, getting DNFs just for breathing and getting offered just the worst contracts possible by teams because they thought that, as a Mexican, he had to do better and he didn’t deserve second chances. There was no room for mistakes or bad luck, when he failed, he was “simply not enough” and he existed in that box for so long he didn’t remember a time when he wasn’t there.
He thought his bad luck just extended to Formula 1. Until his mother told him about soulmates.
In the world they existed, specifically the country he was from, soulmates were a big deal. A huge deal, if he said so himself. They were your other half, the person you would spend the rest of your life with, the one who would know you better than anyone and whose life will be devoted to you and viceversa.
All humans were born seeing in different scales of black, white and grey. They created a system where they identified all these colors, how to combine them and name them, so they would know them all by the time they met their soulmates. When you fell in love with your soulmate, the moment you felt out of breath and so happy you could burst, the explosion of color would fill your eyes and you could go on for the rest of your life loving your other half and seeing every color imaginable.
Sounded like a pretty good deal, until Sergio reminded himself that the key words here were falling in love. He wouldn’t know if someone is his soulmate until he fell in love with them, which would take a lot of trial and error.
A lot.
Women and men alike came and went in his life. Sergio, as a romantic, would do everything in his power to love these people. He would do the courting, the first steps and the confession. He would let them crush his heart if it meant knowing if they were his soulmate or not.
The gray scales were still there, though. As time passed by, he was so tired he stopped trying. He stopped putting the effort needed to seek out that human connection he so desperately needed in a world like his.
Maybe, he wasn’t made for love or success or whatever the media kept saying about his life. Maybe, he just needed to stop trying and let himself enjoy while he still could, so he was prepared for what life threw at him in some future.
Easier said than done, Sergio thought.
The lights in front of him went off and he drove the car 11 through the field, no other thoughts in his head other than brake, turn and accelerate.
Max Verstappen reminded Sergio a lot of himself in his Sauber days. Reckless, stupidly fast and just wanting the approval of the bigger team that he knew got their eye on him.
Whenever he could, Sergio would praise him. He would tell the media Max deserved a chance at a bigger team, that he got the talent and the hunger for more and that he was destined to be a world champion. He was sure Max Verstappen would become a star in his own right at his due time.
Sergio knew his words would mean nothing to the kid, perhaps he would never hear them, but it’s what he wanted to hear at his age, so who was he to deny the truth to the world? He could see in Max’s eyes that spark he once had, and he wouldn’t dim it unlike other drivers in the grid did with him back then.
So, when Max won his first race in 2016, Sergio smiled to himself under his helmet.
This wonder kid would go places no others could reach and he wishes to be there to witness it. He hopes he is.
When he met Max for the first as a teammate in the Red Bull building, he knew he would fall in love with him.
He wouldn’t call it love at first sight, even if Carlos insisted it was later on when Max and Sergio were dating, but he had the feeling that Max’s smile would swoon him soon enough to start mooning over him like a teenage girl with a crush.
Max showed him around like it was his home, and really, it was. Max explained every department and building where he spent most of his time, hands making more explanation than his words, while Sergio listened him enthusiastically, excited to get his hands on his new car and spend time with his new team.
Sergio couldn’t stop looking at him, Max’s eyes sparkling a special kind of grey and he assumed they were probably blue by the undertone. Sergio laughed softly to himself thinking this, and Max stopped midst his explanations on how different the downshifts in the RB17 were compared to the RB16.
Sergio stopped his laugh and gave him a small smile, his eyes urging him to continue. Max visibly relaxed and continued his rambling, his hair moving with the wind while they walked from one building to another side by side, hands almost touching.
Sergio would truly, madly and deeply fall in love with Max, he was sure of it.
The Abu Dhabi Grand Prix 2021 was special for many reasons, but Sergio remembers it as the day he saw color for the first time.
He was looking for Max to congratulate him on his championship, he wanted to give his teammate (and maybe-something-else) a hug and just tell him how proud he was of him, his world champion shirt already on him and him vibrating with excitement knowing he just completed one of the missions Red Bull asked from him.
There were people everywhere, media and his team in a hurricane of congratulations, party and happiness. Sergio scanned the crowd with his eyes in search of his teammate and he landed on the lion helmet, the man being hugged by everybody who crossed his path.
Sergio watched as Max, white helmet and sweat dripping from his face, landed his eyes on him and he froze. It seemed that time stopped for a second, and then, that familiar pressure in his chest was there again.
Sergio felt like it was just Max and him in that singular moment, the butterflies turning into bees in his stomach, moving around and making him walk towards the man in front of him like it was an invisible string pulling them together, that golden thread following them around like there were meant to be.
Sergio didn’t know who was the first to throw himself towards the other, but suddenly, his arms were full of an overjoyed Max Verstappen, arms on his shoulders and helmet resting on him.
“We won! We really did it, Checo!” Max exclaimed in his ear, close enough to hear him even with the helmet on. Sergio couldn’t stop smiling, teeth on display for the whole world to see.
Sergio felt the moment his world bursted into color, every person and thing around him filled with color and life. Sergio looked everywhere, taking it all in and he swore to himself he would never forget that moment. It deserved to be written in history.
The red and blue fireworks were beautiful behind them, the lights of the track making this moment even more special and Sergio recorded everything to memory, from Max’s deep blue nomex in his arms to the white and gold helmet resting on him, white milky skin on his shoulders not letting go as if he would disappear out of nowhere.
Sergio closed his eyes as he breathed, overwhelmed with the amount of emotions he was feeling and the people around them, mindlessly recording the intimacy of their hug. He would feel it and say it, no second thoughts and no second chances.
“I love you.”
Max hugged him tighter.
And god, wasn’t that what Sergio always wanted?