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Katsuki wasn't the kind of person who liked love and romance. He thought that it tied a person down, made them weak, and ruined their potential. He was fine by himself, that was his mentality. He was going to be the number one hero and he didn't have time to waste on such useless bullshit…or that's what he told himself.
So when he found himself having feelings for a specific someone, he refused to believe it was real. It had to be a fluke. Katsuki Bakugo does not do romance.
People can call him a heartless monster all they want, but he refused to fall into the stereotype of companionship. Humans need love? Fuck that. Katsuki didn't need it, he had lived the seventeen years of his life without it, and he didn't need it now or ever.
Katsuki didn't consider himself to be a monster. He was an asshole, sure, but a monster? No. The real monster, in his opinion, was what everyone these days seemed to crave: love.
Love was marketed to the world to be such a great thing, but if it was what they claimed it to be, then why didn't it last? Why were there so many people out there in loveless relationships, people toying with other's emotions, broken friendships, broken lovers, broken families?
Yeah, if you ask Katsuki, he'd say it's fake as hell. He didn't need to be a part of it and he wouldn't. And he wouldn't change himself for anyone else's sake.
The only person you can really trust is yourself, he'd learned.
Friends? No. He had friends, but he had never really opened himself up to them fully. They always had the chance to leave and to lie.
He had been under the impression that his first friend, Izuku, had lied to him for most of their lives and it had left him with trust issues. Sure, he knew now that he hadn't lied, but it sure felt like he had. It had scarred him, in a way.
So to have feelings for the freckled nerd- even if it ever had the hope of being reciprocated- was something he couldn't commit himself to. He was protective of himself, he never let anyone close, and his first response to anything long lasting was to refuse it. Harshly.
And that's what he did, he put up a front of indifference and anger to shield himself.
Until Izuku had to go and fuck up his plans, that is.
****
They had been in his room, studying, because they were friends again(he would only say that in the safety of his own mind, he couldn't let Deku get any ideas). Rather than studying, Izuku had taken a break to watch TikToks on his phone. Katsuki thought it was really stupid. Stupid and a waste of time.
Katsuki closed his Calculus textbook as he turned to acknowledge his childhood friend.
"Hey, Deku," he said as he waved his hand in front of emerald eyes with the purpose of getting the other's attention. "What is so interesting about that stupid app that made you decide that it was more important than your homework?" He raised a blond eyebrow in inquiry.
Pausing the video he was on, Izuku looked up into ruby eyes. "It's not stupid, Kacchan. TikTok happens to be a platform with many entertainment purposes. There are cool videos that could catch the attention of all kinds of its users-"
"Stop it, nerd," Katsuki cut him off, whilst rolling his eyes. "I didn't ask for a customer review of the damn thing."
Huffing, Izuku took a second to reply to the accusation. "I was just explaining that it was entertaining, and you did ask why I chose to spend time on it."
"Watch your mouth," Katsuki warned. "Well, whatever. What are you watching anyways? Probably something stupid."
Izuku's eyes seemed to sparkle with something Katsuki would deem as determination mixed with excitement, and Katsuki started to regret his decision of asking.
"Come here and I'll show you!" Izuku excitedly exclaimed.
Reluctantly, Katsuki made his way over to where Izuku lay on the other side of the black comforter of his bed.
Apparently that wasn't close enough for Izuku because he scooted even closer to him, closing the distance between them so their thighs, arms, and heads were touching.
They were laying on their stomachs with pillows in front of them as Izuku arranged his phone so it was in both of their views.
The video he was showing Katsuki was of a boy with fluffy, brown hair around their age and another boy, blond, whose hair looked like it was styled in a just-got-out-of-bed way and who the brunette claimed was his best friend in the text of the video. The text read "Today I'm finally going to make a move on my best friend. I've liked him for awhile, but now I have the feeling that he likes me back because his friends have started teasing him about me around him. I hope it goes well!"
Katsuki internally groaned just reading it. Of course Izuku would be the type to watch crappy romantic videos. He always was the type to love a happy story, romance included.
He sent a glare towards Izuku who had the nerve to make a shushing noise at him as if he had said something instead of trying murdering him with his eyes(he hadn't, the audacity of that nerd).
"Just watch, Kacchan. It's a good video, I promise!" The One For All user tried to peak his interest.
Katsuki turned his head back towards the frankly stupid video to see what the tiktoker had in mind.
He had the camera facing towards his smiling self with a frontal view of only him before he turned his back towards the other boy in order to have them both in the frame of his video.
The blond boy, noticing that his friend was making a video, smiled back at him and waved at the camera.
They both seemed to be too happy for Katsuki's liking.
The brunette in the video looked over his shoulder as he started to talk, "Two best friends in a room...they might kiss."
Oh hell no.
Katsuki recognized that line and the familiar music playing in the background, it was from one of those stupid trends Mina was always gushing about.
There was a moment the viewer could see the tiktoker's friend's eyes spark in recognition, just like Katsuki's had. The blond boy in the video then smirked at the brunette and went along with the trend.
"Yes they will," he said.
The boy, or Ivan- as his username: ivan's_a_simp_for_kai suggested- pretended to be shocked as he dramatically gaped at the boy, Kai(?). Then he stared at him with intentionally widened hazel "doe eyes" and said, "What?"
Katsuki felt like he was having an aneurysm just watching their flirting. It was disgustingly obvious. He felt the urge to gag, but restrained himself for the sake of his bedsheets(and Izuku because even if he refuses to acknowledge his feelings for him, that doesn't mean he'd be fond of embarrassing himself in front of him).
Kai slowly walked over to Ivan and pulled him against himself by the waist. The camera shook with the force of it, and the way Ivan was holding it- in a hand held at an angle suggesting this was all a part of his plan- showed how Kai got really close to him.
"I said," Kai held Ivan by the chin as he stared him dead in the eyes. "Yes we will."
The video then ended with them getting so close to one another, breaths intermingling, as they were milliseconds away from kissing.
Katsuki just stared at Izuku, unimpressed. "That's what you call 'a good video', Deku? That was so obviously staged and it was stupid as fuck. Thanks for wasting my time."
Izuku pouted at him. "Rude. I thought it was good."
Katsuki sat up in a criss-cross-applesauce position bringing his pillow with him in his lap.
"Of course you did," he rolled his eyes, fondly. "It was fake as hell, though. That stuff rarely ever happens in real life. "
"Nuh-uh, it totally does." Izuku argued.
"Nuh-uh it totally doesn't." Katsuki said, mimicking Izuku's tone.
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes. It. Does."
"You got any proof other than that, shortstack?" Katsuki pointed at the video, which was paused in Izuku's hand. Not giving Izuku any time to respond with any "evidence" he said, "No? I didn't think so. I'm right, just accept it."
"Never!" Izuku declared dramatically, like he was in a movie(what a dork).
"You have no factual evidence, therefore you're wrong and I'm right. You're a sore loser," he taunted, sticking his tongue out immaturely(no, he is not a child, he's seventeen. Anyone who says otherwise can fuck off!).
"You didn't even let me say anything, you jerk!" Izuku stated petulantly.
"Too bad, so sad. Suck it nerd!" Katsuki mocked.
"Oh, I'll show you…" Izuku muttered.
"What was that?" Katsuki continued to taunt him. "Whining about how I'm right?" He ended with a smirk.
"Asshole."
"You -"
Katsuki was cut off abruptly by a pair of soft lips smashing into his own. Ungracefully, mind you.
It was over almost as soon as it started, though.
"What the hell was that?" Katsuki shouted.
"Oh my God," Izuku said in a whisper. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry, Kacchan!" He cried hysterically.
Before Katsuki could reply, Izuku bolted out of his room with green sparks around him, proving just how desperate he was to leave the situation he had caused.
Katsuki was left stunned and for one of the very few times in his life, speechless.
'What the fuck just happened,' he thought.
He brought the pillow from his lap up to his face, smashed it against himself, and screamed in frustration.
Why was this happening to him?
His heartbeat was so loud in his ears that it was the only thing he could focus on.
He was confused on how to feel about what had just happened with Izuku. All his life he avoided affection, love, and overall nice things. They just weren't his forte.
Izuku was the exact opposite of his normal likes; he was Katsuki's antithesis.
Katsuki was rude. Izuku was nice. Katsuki was introverted(but loud). Izuku was extroverted(but nervous). Katsuki was touch starved and outwardly against affection. Izuku was affectionate. Katsuki was emotionally closed off. Izuku was expressive and an open book.
People would look at them and say, "Now those two, those two are a great example of complete opposites." But they weren't complete opposites(a bit), they just expressed themselves differently.
Katsuki was engulfed in the inferno that was his feelings and he was actually scared of the outcome. It was consuming him whole, not unlike the silence that he was left in due to Izuku's absence.
But he hated this feeling and he had tried so hard to forget it. Vaguely, he knew he had an idea of what it was, and his mind was at war with his heart because of it.
No matter how hard he tried to push his feelings away, they always existed in the back of his mind, present but not overpowering.
Now, however, he was overcome with that feeling as he was forced to face it head on. He couldn't ignore it any longer.
It was love. He knew that, but he hated the feeling. No- that was wrong, too. He wanted to hate the feeling. But hating that feeling meant hating Izuku, and he didn't hate him, not anymore.
He was going insane as he fought with himself internally. The thought of giving in wasn't something he was fond of or something he did. He never gave up, he would always end up victorious. He was literally named after the word. So surrendering to love, the very thing he had claimed was a monster, left him uneasy.
How was he to know if it would end up well? Was it really worth it, to be that vulnerable for someone? There was always that risk of falling apart and ruining any relationship they could have- have had. He could trap himself in a relationship, something he would be new to. He had always liked being by his lonesome, even if it left him in the dark. It was his sense of normality. He had dug that hole with his own hands, but now he was seeing a light from above, calling him to it; to a new normal.
How would he know if what he was doing was right? He knew Izuku had never been in a relationship before, either, and yet he had been bold enough to kiss Katsuki like it had been as easy as breathing. Sure, he had fled afterwards, but the action of the kiss had come easy to him.
So what is the right choice? Should he relent to the monster called love, or should he resist? Any other time he'd say resist it; never give in. Now? He didn't know, but he felt as if he was slowly relenting to it. How ironic, he had become the thing he said he never would become. He was giving in to the monster within.
His whole relationship with Izuku had been through many ups and downs. It had left him high on feelings he had yet to name before, and now that he had, he knew of its effects. Deku was like a drug to him, something that could be deadly if he took too much, it left him craving him like crazy. And he did, crave him that is.
If he were to resist the monster, he would lose Izuku, and losing Izuku would be like losing a limb; like losing several pieces of himself. He would no longer be whole.
So he would surrender, for once in his life. The odds were that doing so would go well.
-
With his decision made, he looked at his clock and noticed that it read 6:46 PM, meaning that he had been in his head for the past two hours.
This was bad. Two hours was a lot of time for Izuku to get the wrong idea of his reaction to their kiss. Katsuki hadn't even had the time to enjoy it, and he hadn't made it known then, not even to himself.
He got off his bed and rushed out of his room. He was a man on a mission, one that he planned to accomplish.
He walked through the hall with purpose, planning to use the elevator. Izuku was on the second floor and he was on the fourth, but as he walked, he decided waiting for the elevator would take too long for what he needed to do. With that thought, he decided to take the stairs.
Rushing down the steps two at a time, he almost tripped in his state of haste(it was embarrassing as hell). Once he made it to the second floor, though, he slowed down his pace so as to not draw attention to himself and possibly cause one of the extras to spark a conversation with him. He left his stance guarded so that they would know not to bother him.
When he made it to Izuku's room, he knocked several times. He started at a normal sound level, but as time went by and there was no response, he progressively got louder.
After one of his particularly loud knocks, a door in the hall opened revealing a slightly irritated Tokoyami.
"Bakugo," he stared at Katsuki with curiosity and a small amount of annoyance. "Midoriya isn't in his room right now. He went out for a run a bit ago."
Katsuki felt kind of bad for disturbing Izuku's neighbors, but not bad enough to explain his reasoning.
With a short nod of thanks, he left the Heights Alliance dorms in search of his nerd.
Around fifteen minutes later, he found Izuku sitting on the ground, breathing heavily, at Ground Beta.
Having heard the sounds of footsteps approaching his figure, Izuku stayed put, his shoulders tense as he acknowledged his visitor.
"Hello, Kacchan," he said as he stared at his scarred hands, his head bowed in a sign of defeat. "I'm guessing this is where you confront me about what I did? I know you must be upset, possibly pissed, but I don't blame you and I understand. I just ask that this doesn't end in a physical fight here this time. Neither of us can afford the punishment it would cause."
"I'm not here to fight you, Deku. Not this time, at least." Katsuki joked.
"This time? Does that mean you plan to approach me about this later?" Izuku inquired, disbelieving.
"No, it doesn't. I just want to talk about it, believe it or not." Katsuki sat down across from Izuku.
Izuku looked up at him as if he was waiting for Katsuki to say sike and punch him in the face. He didn't answer him, though.
"Crazy, I know. I'm not gonna get physical over this. In fact, I came here to tell you about how I felt about your little stunt."
Izuku took in a sharp intake of air. "I'm sorr-"
"Stop it. I'm not asking for an apology. You have nothing to be sorry about, idiot." Katsuki interrupted him.
"What? But I thought for sure you would hate me after that. Even more than you probably already do…" Izuku looked back down, this time to his shoes as he fiddled with the laces.
"First of all, I don't fucking hate you. Not anymore. There was a time I did, but it was a misdirection of the hatred that I harbored for myself. You already know that, though. Our fight here in our first year of UA led up to that conclusion." Katsuki paused as he readied himself for his next confession. "Second of all, my feelings for you are much more complicated than hate could ever be. You drive me insane and yet I find myself seeking you out all the time. If you'd have let that kiss last any longer, I have no doubt you wouldn't be thinking that I hated it or you."
He stared at Izuku, unwilling to look away until green eyes would lock on ruby. It wasn't long until that happened.
Izuku looked up at him, still wary, but hopeful. "Do you mean it? Really? You're not joking?"
Not breaking eye contact, Katsuki brought up his pinky finger and held it out to Izuku. "I'm as serious about this as I'll ever be. Promise."
Staring between Katsuki's offered finger and his own scarred hands for several beats, Izuku finally got up, made his way over to his friend, and sat down. He brought his own pinky up to Katsuki's and curled them together in a childish form of confirmation.
"Okay," he said softly. A soft smile on freckled cheeks.
"Fan-fucking-tastic, then. Now that we've got that settled, do you wanna try that again? Without running away this time?" He smirked teasingly at Izuku, but he hoped it would be enough to rile the other up, once again.
It was.
Without hesitating this time, Izuku scooted over to Katsuki's lap, sat himself down, threaded his fingers through blond locks, and kissed him like he really meant it. He did. They both did.
****
A week later they were once again in Katsuki's room, taking a break from their studying.
They were cuddled up against one another this time, and Katsuki had his head over a freckled shoulder watching the videos on Izuku's for you page.
When a familiar video popped up, Izuku felt a vibration through his back as Katsuki silently muffled his laughter.
"What's so funny?" He asked the blond.
"It's that video from a week ago. Ya know, the one that started all this." Katsuki said amongst his fits of laughter as he made a gesture with his hands to them.
"Sometimes videos pop up again randomly. Also, I know what it is. I was there too." Izuku sassed.
"Sassy now, are we?" Katsuki stopped laughing as he pressed a light kiss to his boyfriend's neck.
"Hm. I guess so," Izuku said softly.
As Katsuki lay with Izuku at his front, he couldn't help but feel happier than he had ever been. Izuku had shown him many things in his life. He had shown him what it meant to be a hero, what it meant to be human, how it felt to be loved, and how to love in return.
'Maybe this romance thing isn't too bad,' he found himself thinking.
Then he realized that no, it wasn't love that made it good, it was Izuku who made it worth it.
And it truly was worth it, afterall.
Giving in wasn't always a bad thing.