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“So I just finished the Bible, and—”
“You what, Doc?” Graham laughed unsure of how serious the woman was, Thirteen just as confused by his response.
“I just finished reading the Christian Bible.” She reiterated to her three companions.
“Why did you read the Christian Bible?” Yaz had her fair share of experience with Christians, but she really didn’t think The Doctor was one.
“Why not? I read The Book of Mormon, The Torah, The Qur’an, many different tellings of ancient myths, etc. Why wouldn’t I also read the Christian Bible?”
“Well….It’s very bigoted.” Ryan suggested.
“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk about.” Thirteen nodded excitedly, remembering what she had come into the room to say.
“Well, then?” Graham nodded for her to go on.
“Do you all know who Jesus is?”
They all laughed. “I don’t know if there is anyone who doesn’t.” Yaz informed.
“Well, he’s very gay, isn’t he?” Thirteen flapped her hands at the wrist, her favorite stim.
More laughing, confusing Thirteen because she really didn’t think it was that funny. “What?”
“I think he’s meant to be the opposite of gay.” Ryan kept laughing, hands wrapped around his stomach.
“Well, but….” Thirteen frowned. “I know the Christians don’t always like it, but Jesus is canonically trans.”
Yaz made herself stop laughing, not wanting to upset the blonde, make her think they weren’t taking her seriously. “What do you mean he’s canonically trans?”
“Well, I thought it was odd how he was just a man. He had one parent and she, going off the most basic idea of biology, wouldn’t have had the Y chromosome to pass on to give Jesus XY. But, also, humans can’t asexually reproduce, probably, so I looked into earthly species who could. And I found that the offspring tend to either all be female, or the whole species is hermaphroditic, changing sex when needed, sometimes at will. Which would mean that Jesus would either have to be a woman or intersex. Now, pronouns of course don’t equal gender, but Jesus is referred to exclusively with male terms, so either way doesn’t identify with his biological sex. Now, I prefer the idea of him being intersex over female, and I use female in a scientific way, not to indicate gender, just because his closest thing to a father is God and everyone and everything is “made in God’s image” therefore He can’t be singularly a man. But, regardless, Jesus was not assigned male at birth….Well, the angels said that Mary would have a son, so he probably was assigned male at birth, but he had a vagina and such.”
“You put a lot of thought into the sex and gender of a fictional guy from, what is to you, an alien religion.” Ryan eventually responded.
“Yeah….” Thirteen pulled on the bottom of her hair. “I like doing that.”
“Thinking about the sex and gender of a fictional guy from, what is to you, and alien religion?” Graham confirmed.
“Well, not just religious figures….I was actually thinking, maybe Sherlock Holmes is gay. I mean: I know that’s sort of a common headcanon, but I mean canonically, back when Arthur Conan Doyle was writing it….I don’t know because he did a lot of historically gay London stuff, but I also know Arthur Conan Doyle wasn’t familiar with London at the time, so….I don’t know.”
“Well, they’re fake so you can think whatever you want about their genders and sexualities and all that.” Yaz smiled, hoping that maybe a comment like that would make The Doctor like her, maybe just a little. Not on its own, of course, but everything adds up.
“Thanks Yaz.” Thirteen smiled back, pretending just for a second that the other woman liked her back.
“Well, then,” Graham broke the moment, “do you have any other Bible theories?”
“Oh, yeah!” Thirteen lit up. “Well, if Jesus isn’t trans, then Mary definitely is!”