Chapter Text
Wonyoung smiles, though it didn’t reach her eyes. You notice it too but decide to shrug it off before you accidentally ask the wrong question.
“Go now before it gets too late.” You noticed the small wavers in her voice but again you pretended like it didn’t happen. If Wonyoung wants, she can tell you about it later.
Or perhaps, she’s waiting for you to ask?
The sudden thought halts your feet from walking a step away from the house. Instead, you grab both of her hands and pull her closer. So close that you can smell her pleasant strawberry scent.
“Y-Yujin?”
“Want me to stay over tonight?”
She nods and hugs you back, a little bit tighter than yours. The way her hands clench your shirt tells you that she has a lot to share with you. You hold her closer, running your fingers through her soft hair to tell her that you are here with her.
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You sit at the edge of the bed in Wonyoung’s room. Only the sound of the shower from the bathroom filled the room. You couldn’t lie but you sure noticed the sadness and worries lingering inside her eyes but you can’t bring yourself to ask her about it, worrying that you might overstep the line of being a friend.
Yes, a friend.
As typical and cliche as it is, you love her. You love Jang Wonyoung, even before you realized it. But the idea of confessing never once reaches your head. Not even when you started to cough up these small petals in her favourite colour, red. Not even when you started getting sluggish after having to deal with the cough you stifle up while being with her the whole day.
It just seems too impossible for the perfect, popular, and beautiful friend of yours to like you back. She deserves someone greater, heck, you don’t even know if she swings this way.
Thinking about this makes your chest constricts again as you hold back coughs threatening to come out of your throat.
Your train of thought is interrupted when the sound of the door swinging open resonates across the room. You quickly stifle down your pain and move your head in the sound direction but what you are seeing makes you regret it.
There stands Wonyoung, only wearing a towel that covers from her chest to her knee. You look away immediately, afraid that she noticed your stare.
“I’ll be outside. Tell me when you are done.” You stand up almost immediately and walk out of the room, hoping that she won’t see your reddening face, both from holding back the cough and staring at her.
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“Hey.” You turn your head around and catch her walking up to you. She immediately settles down beside you and leans her head on your shoulder.
“Want to talk about it?”
You wait but only silence greets you.
“It’s okay if you don’t-”
“Remember Jaeyeon?”
Of course, you remember him. That asshole who left your friend after lying to her that he’s going to continue his studies abroad.
That was pure bullshit.
The next day, Wonyoung saw him at a cafe with a chick that is definitely not a match for your friend. You remember how you run out of the lecture hall after Wonyoung gives you a call while crying. It’s disappointing that you didn’t get to punch him in the face that day since he left the cafe before you arrived.
You were pulled out of your flashback when you feel Wonyoung grabbing your slightly trembling hands. You avert your gaze and meet her eyes.
“Yeah, what’s with him?”
“He contacted me a few days ago.”
“He what?!”
You failed to notice the way Wonyoung jerked slightly because of your sudden loud voice, not when you are suppressing the growing pain in your chest.
“He said that he m-missed me…”
You can feel petals threatening to come out of your mouth but you hold them back, focusing on your conversation with Wonyoung instead.
“Bullshit. That’s all bullshit, Jang Wonyoung”
Wonyoung caresses your shaking hands and sighs.
“I know…”
“But I think I still like him.”
There it goes. You can hear your heart crack, your chest getting tighter and more petals jeopardizing your throat. Again, you are reminded that you have no chance against that asshole. But this time, you won’t let your friend get hurt again.
“After all those shits he did to you?”
You didn’t mean to sound that harsh but the pain in your chest makes you unable to control your anger. You notice how Wonyoung stops caressing your hands and even pulls her hands away from you. You start to regret your choice of words when she scoots away from you.
“I know you probably don’t understand this but it’s so hard to move on when you’re so in lo-”
“I know. Trust me, I do understand that feeling”
Wonyoung stares at you with curiosity visible in her eyes.
“What do you mean you understand it? Are you dating behind my back, Yuj?”
You sigh.
“If I’m dating someone, I’ll probably be at their house right now, not yours.”
“Wow, so you’re saying that you will ditch me if you are dating someone later?”
“Yeah, most probably.” You end your tease with a chuckle, which earns you a smack on the shoulder.
You smile proudly as you realize that you had successfully changed the topic from that Jaeyeon guy to the possibility of you ditching Wonyoung soon.
Though the idea of both gets your chest tightens even more.
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You tuck her into her comforter. Despite being 20, Wonyoung still acts like a baby most of the time. Maybe it’s because you’ve been together for so long that she doesn’t feel the need to change the way she acts around you or maybe because you’re her “older sister”. Either way, you are resisting kissing her puckered lips.
“You really don’t want to sleep here with me?”
“Won, I told you. I have assignments due tomorrow and it’s already late now.”
“Yeah, yeah. You and your neverending assignments…”
You chuckle at the sight of your childhood friend.
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After a few more failed persuasions, Wonyoung only let you go home after making sure you promise her to come for a sleepover after you finished these assignments.
You now tuck yourself into the comforter as a sigh escaped your lips upon feeling the soft mattress on your back. All the physical and mental ache you felt and bottled up a few hours ago releases themselves as you feel pathetic over your feelings toward your best friend. It’s just, you feel so undeserving of her love yet your heart yearns so much to be hers, to make her yours, to live your future together, in one house and one room and on one bed. It is to that point of eagerness yet you are helpless, especially now you are living with this stupid hanahaki disease. Not even one person except you and God knows how big the love you have for her and the pain this disease gives you has been the cause of your insomnia and overthinking sessions to occur more frequently over time.
You reach out for your phone on the small desk as the custom notification for her messages and calls fills your room.
“Hey, are you asleep?”
“Just about to”
“Why?”
“Who was it?”
“Who was what?”
“The one you have a crush on.”
“You”
You turn off your phone. You meant to joke around but the way your heart beats make it feels like you are really confessing to her. But knowing her, you know she will think that you are in your joking mode again.
Right?
The long silence from your phone got you panicking. You immediately raise yourself up and push the call button, waiting restlessly as it is taking longer than usual for your best friend to answer the damn call.
And fortunately, right after you feel your breaths getting shorter and the petals are getting higher in your throat, Wonyoung answers the call.
“Wonyoung?”
“Jang Wonyoung!”
Instead of being greeted by questions, you are greeted by her sleepy voice.
“Jinnie? Why? Did something happen?”
You really don’t know if you should let out a breath of relief or cry in pain as you realised that she didn’t reply to your confession because she was asleep.
“N-nothing! I was having a nightmare.”
You are greeted with a few seconds of silence before she replies,
“In like, what, five minutes? That was really fast of you to get into your dreamland, Jinnie.”
You notice the sarcasm in her tone but ignore it, wanting to end the call so that she can continue her sleep.
“Haha, I know right? Anyway, sorry for bothering you, Wony. Go to sleep now. We’ll talk again later, okay?”
“No.”
Flabbergasted is an understatement of what you feel right now.
“W-what?”
“I know something is bothering you, Jinnie.”
“No, I don’t—”
“Was it the message you sent me earlier? Let me check it again.”
“W-wait, Wony no!”
Knowing that you can’t physically stop her raises your anxiety and pain as you are accompanied by silence once again.
“Pft, HAHAHAHAHA. That was funny, Jinnie.”
Oh, the mixed feelings you are having right now because of Jang Wonyoung.
“I know right? Hahahaha…”
You can’t fake your laugh anymore as the pain and itchiness of the petals scratching the inside of your throat is getting unbearable. You stay silent as Wonyoung does the same.
“Wait…”
The petals in your throat rise up again, higher than earlier as you can feel yourself starting to have trouble breathing. You hurriedly walk towards the bathroom with the help of the walls as you put some distance with the phone before coughing out the petals into the toilet bowl. You later get near to the phone to answer her.
“W-what?”
“You weren’t joking, were you, Yujin?”
Why is she calling you Yujin, not Jinnie? Why now? When you are having trouble holding yourself back right now?”
“I-I…”
Words stuck in your throat as you feel more petals climbing up your respiratory system. Your trembling hand drops your phone to the floor as you hit your left chest with your fist, trying to lessen the stuffiness you are feeling right now. You let out the petals on the floor, not caring about the mess you have to clean up later.
“Yujin? An Yujin? Are you still there?”
You can still hear her quietened voice even though you forgot to turn on the speaker mode but you also don’t have the strength to grab the phone as you stumble to your side, trying your best to breathe. Without you realising, the sound of you gasping for air quietly is captured by your mic as it registered onto Wonyoung’s mind.
“Yujin! Please hold on! I’m coming!”
Hearing that Wonyoung is coming here, to see you in this state, makes you grab your phone and you thank God for giving you the ability to breathe now.
“H-hey, it’s okay, Wony. I’m fine.”
“What do you mean you are fine?! I heard how crazy your breathing was earlier!”
“N-no, really. I’m fine. It’s late in the night already.”
You try to give an excuse to her but who are you to stop the Jang Wonyoung?
“Enough. I’m coming to your house. End of discussion.”
Before you could say anything more, the call is ended by the girl and now the only thing you can do left while waiting for her and her long-ass nag is to stabilise your ragging breathing. You clean up the petals, not wanting her to know that you are suffering because of her.
With the little energy you have left in your body, you crawl to your bed and climb it up before sprawling on the soft mattresses, looking straight at the boring ceiling as you take deep breaths. Instead of feeling easier to breathe, you bite your lips as you can feel how heavy your eyes are now.
You are definitely fainting right now.
Oh no, not now…
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“BAAM BAAM BAAM”
Loud bangs coming from your bedroom door wake you up as you stumble your steps to go and unlock the door.
Not giving you time to do anything, you are engulfed in a tight embrace. It is as if she was the one who can’t breathe earlier.
“Yujin, are you alright?”
You can’t stop yourself from hissing when she keeps calling you Yujin.
“Why are you calling me Yujin?”
Ignoring her question, you ask her one instead with your drowsy voice.
“Th-that’s not important now. How you feel is!”
You let the anxious girl examines your body from head to toe, from front to back until she’s sure that you are just fine—at least, you are at least better than earlier now.
Without a word, she pulls you to the bed and sits you down as she grabs your shoulder, a little bit too tight but you pay no mind to it as your eyes stay closed. You can’t help how heavy they are right now. Despite that, you worry that she’s going to bring back the topic from earlier.
“You’re sure you are fine now, Jinnie?”
A small smile forms on your lips as you hear the familiar nickname again.
“Seeing that I just fainted earlier, yeah. I’m perfectly fine.”
“You what?!”
You scratch the back of your neck as you eye the angry Wonyoung.
You are then engulfed again in Wonyoung’s warm hug. You rub her back, trying to calm her down despite you being the one in immense pain earlier.
“I’m so worried, you idiot…”
You frown as you notice the wavers in her voice. You hug her tighter, wanting to comfort her so badly.
“Sorry for making you worry, Wony.”
You give her nape a light peck before nuzzling into her embrace.
“Can you sleep over, Won?”
“Of course. Actually, I was planning to do so.”
You waste no time as you pull her onto the bed and there the both of you go, inside your comforter, cuddling each other to sleep and sadly, she is still your friend.
Will you ever get the chance to confess to her or will you die from this hanahaki disease first?
Either way, you only pray for your love’s happiness.
Because it is all that matters.
//to be continued?//