Chapter Text
Turning up the drive, gravel crunching under her tires, Y/N soon spots her grandmother’s house as it looms out of the fog. It’s just as big and creepy as she remembered, especially as the trees turn bare and the nights grow colder and darker. When it’s like this, it looks even more like the stereotypical haunted house that everyone always said it looked like. But now that her grandma’s gone, and the house is all but abandoned, it’s even creepier. Stepping out of her car, the cold autumn air hits her, and does little to stop the fear from spreading throughout her body. Of course, when Y/N was a kid, she spent plenty of time ghost hunting in the house with her grandmother, and getting used to its familiar creaks and groans. But as she grew up, she realised the house was not haunted at all, and the ghost hunting game with her grandmother was just that: a game. Although... its spooky appearance and the endless forest surrounding it do little to help challenge its haunted moniker.
As the chilly wind howls again, sending a shockwave through her entire body, Y/N shivers, pulling her coat and scarf closer around her. And then, she advances up the steps to the front door.
Almost two weeks ago, Y/N's grandmother passed away, and since she’s her only living relative, Y/N has to sort everything out. First, she has to clear out her house. Unlocking the door, Y/N steps inside. Immediately, the air is melancholic. She spent so much of her time in this house that not having her grandmother here to greet her with tea and her fresh baking is strange. Yet, something seems off. As if someone else is here with her, and that she’s not as alone as she thought. Maybe the ghosts are finally coming out to play.
Y/N takes a few steps forward, her footsteps creaking on the floorboards and echoing through the house. As her brows furrow, another chill blows through the house. Her grandmother’s house was draughty, but never this bad. Maybe it’s just the house showing its age. Or at least, that’s what she hopes it is. But as she steps further into the house, something crunches under her feet. Shards of broken glass. Y/N sighs frustratedly. Damn kids probably broke a window.
Still, Y/N registers her heartbeat rising ever so slightly with every step she takes. She just can’t shake the feeling that someone is here, watching her every move. “Ghosts aren’t real. It’s just your imagination. It was always just a game.” She whispers, repeating it like a mantra to calm her down. If only it worked.
Warily, Y/N moves into the living room. Almost immediately, her eyes land on a sleeping form on the couch. Her heart jumps into her throat. Pinching her skin hard, Y/N hopes it’s just a dream, that her mind is playing tricks on her and there isn’t actually a random man asleep on her grandmother’s couch. However, no matter how many times she tries, the man is still there.
And then, she screams, startling the man awake. He jumps up immediately, his blue eyes staring over at her. Within moments, he pulls a gun on her.
“Who are you?” He orders. His voice is deep, and slightly Russian accented. Y/N holds her hands up in surrender, shaking. And this time, it’s not from the cold. She considers making a break for the door, hoping that if she runs fast enough, she’ll be okay. “No. Stay.” The man responds, as if reading her mind. He gestures with his gun, ordering her to come closer, which she does. Warily, she glances down the man’s body, staring at his enormous arms, both muscular and metal. Then, her eyes turn to all the other guns and knives strapped to him. Ones that she definitely doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of.
“Who the fuck is this guy?”
“Answer me.” The man demands.
“I-I’m Y/N. This is my grandma’s house. I’m here to clear it out.” She gasps, hoping it’s enough to save herself. The man furrows his brows, continuing to stare at her. His metal arm whirrs, flexing slightly, which does little to quell Y/N’s alarm. “Please, don’t hurt me. I didn’t do anything or see anything. I promise.” She begs, tears already streaming down her cheeks. Briefly, something shifts in the man’s expression, and his features soften. Almost as if he feels guilty for the fear he’s caused. However, it disappears almost as soon as she notices it.
The Winter Soldier stares at the woman, Y/N, watching as she sobs and begs for her life. She’s terrified of him. Just like everyone else was when they found themselves staring down the barrel of his gun. HYDRA always taught him not to leave any witnesses, because anyone could destroy their mission if they saw something they weren’t supposed to. And the last thing he wants is to find himself on the receiving end of another punishment at the hands of his superiors. The various bruises and injuries he’s accumulated over the years throb under his tactical gear, a harsh physical reminder of all that he’s endured. After all, that’s why he ran away. He’s just so tired. Tired of being their personal punching bag, and of being tortured and punished time and time again, despite how much they all praise him and the work he does for them.
Honestly, he doesn’t know how long he’s been running. He just had to get away from the pain, and from the faces and the screams seeping back into his memories. The memories that are also starting to fill with fresh faces, ones he’s sure he’s never seen before…yet somehow, they looked at him like they knew him.
“Bucky?” A whisper of a voice echoes in his mind, but it’s gone before he can dwell too long on it.
Perhaps, deep down, he thought that if he ran far enough, he’d be able to figure himself out. Or at that he’d at least outrun his demons.
After some time, he found this house. Abandoned and offering some solitude, he saw it as the perfect place to finally get some sleep. That is, however, until the woman’s screams woke him up. And now, here they are. Yet, something about her is different. There’s some kind of familiarity there with her, something he doesn’t know how to explain. What he does know, however, is that despite how much she begs for her freedom, he can’t let her go.
It hurts, but this is how it has to be. This is what he was taught.
Leave no witnesses.
But as the woman’s cries continue, for once, he wants to abandon his training. He doesn't want to kill her. In fact, he almost feels pity for her. Deep down, her cries are shaking him and his morals to their core. “Please, just let me go. I won’t say anything, I promise.” She repeats, her body shaking as tears stream down her cheeks. And then, he comes up with an idea. One to save them both.
“No.” Her face falls. “You stay here. With me.”
“No, I can’t! I have a life, a-and-”
“Stay!” He shouts. The sudden volume makes her jump, and her tears intensify as she sobs even harder, her entire body shrinking away from him. As her cries sink into his every being, another pang of guilt strikes him again. This poor woman has done nothing wrong, and now she’s terrified for her life because of him. He steps forward, reaching out a hand to comfort her. Briefly, after being a mindless killing machine for so long, his humanity returns, and he considers letting her go. For a moment, Bucky Barnes returns.
But then, just before he’s about to offer some reassuring words, HYDRA’s programming kicks in once more like a virus, seeping into his mind. And he becomes the Winter Soldier once more. Who says she’s safe, and that she won’t just turn him into HYDRA at a moment’s notice? And then he’ll be back to being tortured over and over again. Reflexively, his body tenses, and hot pain flashes through him once more. He can’t take that risk. So she has to stay here, with him. That way, they’ll both be safe. This is the only way, the best way that he can ensure his survival without killing her. She’ll learn soon enough. “Just…stay out of my way.” He grunts, storming out of the room and leaving her crying.
Even though her tears still strike guilt into his heart.
From then on, Y/N stays out of the man’s way as much as she can. The last thing she wants is to make the wrong move and end up dead. Thankfully, since her captor seems to stay in just the one room all day every day, she has free rein of the house, and can clear it out just as she wanted. Although, Y/N knows she could be forgiven for being preoccupied with the weapon wielding maniac downstairs.
Yet, she can’t help but feel, in some small way… worried about the man she’s now sharing her life with. He spends all day, every day inside, just staring out of the window. His hand carefully rests on the various weapons strapped to him, almost as if he’s waiting for something or someone to attack. The sounds of her moving throughout the house don’t even phase him anymore. He just…sits there, like a statue. Or a hyper vigilant, intensively trained assassin. Whilst a small part of her appreciates how protective the man seems, his refusal to move or to even eat something strikes her as concerning. Something deeper is going on… something Y/N wants to understand.
However, despite her worry for him, she doesn’t speak to him about it. After all, he is holding her captive. So, she watches from afar, wondering when, if ever, she’ll be able to help him.
Later that night, Y/N falls asleep, calm and off in a dream world. That is, however, until an earth shattering scream sounds from downstairs. Immediately, she springs awake, sprinting downstairs. Judging from the scream, she’s expecting to find bloodshed, and the body of some poor soul who was at the receiving end of the man’s various weapons.
Yet when she makes it downstairs, she finds the complete opposite. Aside from them both, the house is empty. Nevertheless, the screams continue… meaning there’s only one explanation for who they’re coming from. Warily, she steps closer to the sound of the noise. The man is still laid out on her grandma’s couch, but yells out over and over, thrashing around in his sleep. For a moment, Y/N wonders just how much pain and torment he must have experienced for his screams to sound so anguished. “Wait! Calm down! It’s okay!” She calls, getting closer to him. The danger she’s putting herself in, and her previous apprehension doesn’t even cross her mind. All she wants is to see that the man is alright. Once he’s awake, he stares at her, blinking in confusion. “It’s me, Y/N. It’s just me. You’re okay.” She soothes.
“I thought I told you to stay out of my way.” Although, after waking up to HYDRA agents every day for god knows how long, seeing Y/N is a welcome breath of fresh air. Yet, he knows he can’t get too close. It’s too risky.
“Do you want me to stay with you?” The words leave her mouth before even thinking about them. He frowns, almost as if he’s wondering why she cares so much, why she thinks he’s even worth helping. And it breaks Y/N’s heart. Sure, they didn’t get off on the right foot, but he’s clearly hurting, and deep down she hates seeing him so upset. But then his face hardens once more.
“No. Go away.” He repeats, shaking his head. Despite his orders, Y/N stands her ground, refusing to go.
“I don’t want to pry, but… I want you to know I also want to listen, if you want someone to talk to.” She reassures him, taking a seat on the chair opposite the couch. “Your screams, they sounded... awful.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?” The man murmurs softly. “After what I did?” Y/N shrugs. Honestly, she’s not even sure if she knows the answer to that herself.
“I just want to help. That’s all. And besides, I was already awake when I heard you screaming.” She lies. Again, he furrows his brow, as if he doesn’t believe her. Yet, he stops telling her to go. The room falls silent, each looking at each other but unsure of what to say next. “Do you need anything? Some food, some water?” Y/N asks, breaking the silence. Another shake of his head.
“I’m not worth this help, Y/N.” Despite how much his self loathing hurts her, she can’t deny how, as she hears her name leaving the man’s lips for the first time, Y/N’s heart beats ever so slightly faster.
“Honestly, it’s okay. When I heard you scream, I got kinda worried about you. It sounded so painful…you really got spooked, didn’t you?” The man looks pained, yet still refuses to meet her gaze, almost as if he’s ashamed of her seeing him in this state. And that thought breaks her heart. He may have scared the shit out of her, but she wants to make sure that he’s alright. Sighing, Y/N moves closer. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready. I just want you to know I’m here if you need someone to talk to.”
The Winter Soldier watches Y/N curiously, waiting for the caveat, for the violence that he’s been so used to for so long. Because nobody is ever just nice to him anymore, they only do it just so he can do what they want. Unsurprisingly, HYDRA didn’t care much about his health and wellbeing. “Are you sure you don’t want something to eat? I was staying for a while anyway, so I brought some stuff with me.” Y/N’s offer makes him even more confused. Even if she does genuinely want to help, why is she doing it now, when he told her to leave him alone? And especially since he’s kidnapped her?
“Why?” Y/N shrugs.
“I don’t know. I just thought that it’s nice to share. And besides, we’re both stuck here, miles from the nearest town. This is all we have.” It’s only then that he realises he doesn’t know when the last time he ate was. Yet although something to eat does sound good, he still doesn’t trust her fully. After all, what if it’s poisoned? What if he wakes up back in HYDRA’s grasp?
“No.” He shakes his head. Deflated slightly, Y/N nods. As he goes to lie down again, he turns his body a different way. Suddenly a sharp, shooting pain strikes his side. Furious expletives and hissing fill the room, and curiously, Y/N peers over. She sees a deep crimson seeping through his tactical vest, and she gasps.
“You’re bleeding. I should call an ambulance.” At the sound of the word ambulance, he gasps.
“No.” He repeats. If he goes to a hospital, then there’s a chance HYDRA could find him and bring him back to the same life he spent so long running from. There’s no way he’ll let that happen.
“I know it’s scary, but it looks painful, and-”
“I said, no! No hospitals.” He clutches madly at his side, wincing and writhing in pain. As Y/N watches him, pity overtakes her fear. This man needs her help.
“Do you want me to look at that, at least? I can try to help stop the blood flow.” She asks, walking towards him. Immediately, he flinches away from her. Every other time he’s been in pain, all he remembers is more pain. He doesn’t heal, he survives. And he’s survived for this long by gritting his teeth and baring his injuries, so he can easily do it again. Even though he’s in so much fucking pain.
“No.” He growls, clutching at his side and hissing. As his face contorts into a grimace, warily, Y/N steps even closer. “What part of no don’t you get?” However, his words don’t stop her. Although this man definitely looks like he could and would murder her, and was obviously very close to doing so… the sound of his pained cries still sting, and she wants to help him.
“It looks bad. I’m not much of a nurse, but it looks like you’re in a lot of pain. And honestly, if we’re going to be stuck here together, I’d rather not have you bleeding out on my grandma’s couch.” She chuckles awkwardly. He peers over at her, his brows furrowed. Yet, Y/N still stares at him, the same soft smile on her face. Why won’t she just leave him to go through this in peace, like he deserves? But then, the pain strikes him again, and he groans, realising he doesn’t have much choice. Maybe this time, he needs to heal. And so, he nods.
First, Y/N takes off every layer of clothing until the wound is visible. As she unbuttons and unbuckles every article of clothing, her fingers gently brushing against his exposed skin, he feels a strange, new feeling inside. He doesn’t understand it, but he does know that he likes it. Y/N's breath hitches in her throat as she stares down at his bare chest. God, this man is attractive. Or at least, his chest is. But then, she notices various other marks and scars on his body, some recent, but most faded. Pity fills her veins once more. Whoever this man is, it looks like he’s been through the wars… and has been for years. “So….” She trails off as she works on his wound, completely unsure what to say to this incredibly attractive man who’s also holding her hostage in her grandma’s house. As she cleans the wound, he hisses, and angry Russian curse words fill the room once more. “Sorry! I’ll try my best to be gentle, but it will probably sting a lot.”
Silence falls as Y/N continues working on the wound. Although the experience is painful, there’s an unfamiliarity to it. And something about that unfamiliarity feels comforting to him. His eyes look over, staring as Y/N wraps a bandage around his side. The moonlight streams through the windows, illuminating her face, and the strange feeling from before returns. Although this time, it makes him feel all warm inside. Maybe this is how it feels to be finally cared for after so many years of pain, nightmares, and torture. To have someone actually give a shit about you. However, before he can think too much about this feeling, Y/N speaks up.
“Can I ask you something? What’s your name? I feel weird that you know mine, and yet, I’m helping you and I don’t even know yours.” His brows furrow. Nobody has ever asked him his name before. And he doesn’t even remember it anymore. As he struggles to remember, Y/N’s face falls. “Does he really not know his name? God, this guy really has been through it.”
“Bucky!” The same whisper echoes in his mind again. Maybe this is it. Maybe his mind is starting to remember.
“I-I think it’s Bucky.” Y/N smiles.
“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Bucky.” Bucky. That does sound right…especially when Y/N says it. As she finishes up, Bucky takes his turn to ask something.
“Why…did you help me? After what I did?” Y/N frowns, shrugging again, as if it’s obvious why she would.
“Well, you were in pain. And besides, you haven’t killed me yet.” She laughs awkwardly. “For some reason, I couldn’t stand seeing you hurt. Do you….” She trails off, and Bucky already knows where this is going. “Do you mind if I ask you what happened?” Memories flash through Bucky’s mind, hazy, choppy memories. Of guns and knives and pain. Oh god, so much pain. Too much pain.
Seeing how worked up he’s getting, Y/N interrupts him by placing a hand on his metal arm, pulling him out of his panic. Reflexively, Bucky flinches, jolting it away. “I spooked you, didn’t I? I’m sorry. It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.” She soothes. And for a moment, both Y/N and Bucky realise how much they liked that sensation of being close to one another. “That’s you all done, by the way.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll um. You probably want to be alone, so I’ll leave you in peace now.” She murmurs, walking towards the doorway. Bucky feels his stomach rumble, and he sighs. She treated both his wounds, and him with kindness. Maybe he is safe. For now, anyway.
“Wait.” He calls, and Y/N turns around. “Can…I please have some food?” He expects her to say no. After all, HYDRA rarely, if ever, fed him. He doesn’t expect her to either. Especially after how he snapped at her. Yet, Y/N’s face softens once more.
“Of course you can. Do you want a sandwich?” Bucky nods, and she leaves the room. Bucky's face stays imprinted in her mind as she heads towards the kitchen. His eyes were almost pleading when he asked her for food, almost as if he expected her to say no, and that he would understand if she did. The multitude of scars and wounds covering Bucky’s torso enters her mind again. Even though he’s keeping her locked away in her grandma’s house, Y/N still feels bad for him. If someone’s been treating him like that for god knows how long, who’s to say that they haven’t been malnourishing him too? Poor thing. And besides, he hasn’t killed her yet. Maybe he’s not so dangerous.
“Where the hell could he be? He could’ve gone anywhere.” Steve sighs, glancing at the screen. He must’ve looked at the same spot on the map for hours now, just looking for anywhere Bucky could be hiding. That is, if HYDRA didn’t get to him first.
“Steve. Don’t stress yourself out. We’ll find him.” Sam reassures, and Steve sighs.
“I hope you’re right.”
Meanwhile, Y/N and Bucky sit together, eating. Well, one of them is still eating. Bucky wolfed his down almost as soon as he got it, strengthening Y/N’s belief that wherever he was kept, he must not have been fed. She considers asking him about it, but then she remembers where she is, and the circumstances that led to this moment. And besides, that’s a weird thing to ask anyone, let alone the guy who’s essentially keeping you prisoner. So, she keeps quiet.
“Thank you. For the food.” Bucky mumbles, and Y/N looks back up at him. A small smile graces his features, and immediately Y/N smiles back at him, feeling heat building and settling on her cheeks. He has a lovely smile. She was right. He’s kind of cute.
“No problem.” An awkward silence descends on the pair once again. Both look at each other, each wanting to say something, but still unsure of what to say, neither knowing what would be the right thing to say in this circumstance.
And so, they sit together for a while, just sitting in silence. Y/N’s brain feels like it’s going a mile a minute with thoughts of Bucky, and how sorry for him she feels, despite everything that’s happened. In another life, she’d like to get to know him.
Little does she know, however, that Bucky is going through the exact mental turmoil as she is.
After some time, Bucky lays back down on the couch, his breathing stilling. Warily, Y/N tiptoes over to him, peering down. Bucky’s asleep again. When he’s asleep, he looks dead to the world. Clearly, he must really have needed this rest. Yet, she keeps a watchful eye on him, just in case he has another nightmare. Or in case he tries to kill her.
Once she’s sure that Bucky is asleep, Y/N opens Google on her phone. The soft light of her screen illuminates the room, and for a moment she worries the light will wake up Bucky. However, when she glances over, she sees he’s still fast asleep, so she lets out a sigh of relief. Opening the search bar, she types in Bucky’s name. Hopefully, this generates something to help: a post from his family or friends, or even a news article about his disappearance. Someone must be missing him.
Once she hits search, her screen is immediately filled with results. To her surprise, though, the results are nothing like she expected.
Various pictures of Bucky without his tactical gear pop up, including ones of him in an army uniform. An ancient looking uniform, one that looks like it’s from the 1940s. Y/N frowns, even more confused about the sort of person he is. She scrolls down further, looking at the headlines, which confuse her even more.
“Bucky Barnes: The Howling Commando.”
“The Howling Commandos and WWII.”
“Bucky Barnes: The Life and Death of Captain America’s Best Friend.”
One word stands out. Death. Y/N’s eyes widen. The guy who’s sleeping on her grandma’s couch, the one who showed up out of nowhere with a gun, is supposed to be dead. He’s a ghost story. Warily, Y/N looks over at Bucky, watching as his chest slowly rises and falls.
If he’s a ghost story, who’s to say she won’t be the next one? Maybe he will kill her after all.
Suddenly far too scared to go to sleep, Y/N sits in the armchair opposite the couch, scrolling through the articles on her phone and learning everything she can about her new houseguest. He fought in World War Two alongside Steve Rogers, his best friend. Of course, she knows who Steve Rogers is. After all, she’s seen enough pictures and videos of him in his Captain America uniform, wielding the shield and saving the world. It turns out Bucky fought by his side for most of the war. At least, he did until his ‘death’. And now he’s here, sleeping beside her and very much alive. She glances over at him once more, just to make sure she’s safe. Bucky looks so peaceful when he sleeps, his lips slightly parted and his long hair falling in his face. For the first time since she’s met him, Bucky finally looks relaxed. In fact, he doesn’t look dangerous at all. As she watches Bucky, a strange feeling settles in her stomach, and her fear dissipates a little.
If Steve Rogers, Captain America of all people, trusted Bucky to fight alongside him…maybe she’s safe around him after all. And besides, if Steve Rogers can come back from the dead, who’s to say Bucky hasn’t either?
And besides, he’s pretty cute when he sleeps.
Suddenly, Bucky shifts a little in his sleep, and for a moment, Y/N jumps back, expecting him to awaken and notice her staring. To her relief though, Bucky just turns around, his back to her. Smiling softly, Y/N sits back down in the armchair opposite the couch, curling up.
Some time later, she opens her eyes, wincing slightly at the sunlight streaming through the window. Her fingers touch something soft, and she frowns. As she sits up, she realises she must have fallen asleep. And she’s still here, still breathing. Y/N’s fingers continue to brush against something soft, and she realises a blanket is haphazardly draped over her. Bucky sits, watching the world through the windows. Just like he always does. Yet now…it seems different.
“Morning.” he grunts without turning around. And for once, his voice doesn’t scare her. “Sleep okay?”
She almost asks him then, asks if he took care of her in the night. Asks him to confirm if he’s really the kind soul she thinks he is, instead of the monster he thinks he is. The monster she used to think he was. But then she remembers the current situation, and the circumstances that led to them being there. So, she doesn’t ask. Besides, how can she ask something like that after everything they’ve been through? “Yes, thanks. Did you?” She knows it’s a dumb question before she even asks it. Even Bucky seems to think so too, judging by the look he gives her.
“It was okay. Thanks.” He nods.
“I’ll um. I’ll be upstairs if you need me. Figured it would be best if we still stayed out of each other's way. For now anyway.” For a second, when Bucky opens his mouth, Y/N wonders if, or rather hopes that he’ll tell her to stay. That he wants to be around her, to have some human contact.
But he simply nods. “Yes, that’ll be good.” Sighing, Y/N disappears upstairs, hoping Bucky doesn’t notice her disappointment. Yet, she doesn’t notice how Bucky watches as she leaves the room…or how his eyes linger even after she’s gone.
Bucky and Y/N have no idea that miles away, the Avengers still are trying to track Bucky’s location.
Or at least, Steve and Sam are.
“Steve, I’ve got an idea. If he took this route out of the city, he’d have hit some woods and farmland. It’s really remote, you could go for miles and still not see a single farm house. I’m going to send Redwing out, see if there’s any abandoned barns or houses nearby that he could hide in.” Sam explains.
“That sounds good.” Steve nods. Yet, Sam notices how his friend’s smile doesn’t quite meet his eyes.
“Hey, we’ll find him, okay?” Steve sighs.
“I hope so.”
A few hours later, Y/N sits in her grandma’s old bedroom, surrounded by various boxes and photo albums. She flips through a few pictures, laughing as she reminisces on the memories inside. The more pictures she looks through, the more emotional she gets. And soon, big tears are streaming down her cheeks once more. She misses her so much. If only her grandma could see her now, and who she’s sharing her house with.
But maybe, if she knew just how much pain Bucky’s gone through, and how kind he’s been treating her recently… maybe she’d like Bucky. Or at least, understand him a little.
“Are you alright?” Bucky’s voice startles her. He peers into the room, concern filling his features as he realises she’s crying. “I um. I thought I heard you crying, so I wanted to check on you.” Quickly, Y/N wipes at her eyes. Strangely, despite how much she sobbed in front of Bucky when they first met, now she’s embarrassed by him seeing her crying. Although, she still notices the way something flutters deep down inside when she realises Bucky abandoned his post, the only thing he’s done all day and every day, to come check up on her. For once, she’s more important to him than his mission.
“Yeah. Sorry, I was just sorting some of my grandma’s things. Didn’t realise it would make me so emotional.” She laughs awkwardly, wiping at her eyes. Nervously, Bucky comes closer, too scared to hurt her again. But he’s already seen her crying once, and felt powerless to help. Now, he wants to help. She’s been so kind to him, especially when he didn’t deserve it, and he would like to repay that kindness any way he can.
“May I sit?” Y/N nods, and he does so. He peers over her shoulder, looking at the photographs clutched in her hand. “Is this her? Your grandma?” The tone of his question makes her laugh a little. But it’s not a mocking laugh, not in the slightest. Bucky sounds like a curious child, excited to learn about the world around him.
“Yup. And that’s my mom. She died when I was young, so my grandma took me in for most of my life. We had a lot of fun together. Especially in this house.” Y/N smiles fondly.
“She’s beautiful.” Bucky glances over at Y/N, smiling softly. “I can see the resemblance.” Y/N feels herself smiling at his words, and heat settles on her cheeks once more. Despite everything that’s happened, being called beautiful by Bucky feels nice.
“Thanks.” Y/N giggles, sniffling.
“I’m sorry.” Bucky sighs, and she frowns. “For everything. For scaring you, a-and for keeping you here. It’s just.” He takes a moment to breathe, as if bracing himself for his next words. Bracing himself to tell her the truth. “I don’t remember a lot about my life, but I do know I was being held by HYDRA. People who weren’t very good to me.” Y/N’s mind goes back to the wound on his side, how eager he was to be fed… and his horrible, anguished screams. Now it all makes sense. Y/N’s face softens, and she leans in closer, listening attentively. “I don’t want to go into too much detail about it, but they messed me up a lot. And now, I know they wiped my memories too. I at least know my name now, and bits about my past come in here and there, but that’s about it.”
“Bucky…I’m so sorry.” Y/N gasps. Now his childlike wonder makes sense. She can’t even imagine how that feels, to know nothing about who you are or where you come from. To be a nobody. Her memory goes back to the night before, when she stayed up into the wee hours of the morning, googling Bucky and his past. Her stomach twinges. Bucky doesn’t even know that most of his life story is out there online, free for anyone to read… whilst he doesn’t remember any of it. She can’t not tell him the truth. To her surprise, though, Bucky chuckles and shakes his head.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s me who should be sorry for keeping you here. It’s just whenever I tried to escape, they’d bring me back and torture me even more. So when I finally did leave, I was terrified that you’d try to bring me back, or if you went outside and someone saw you, they’d find me.” He scoots even closer, the edge of his fingers brushing lightly against hers. As their skin connects, Y/N feels a small spark and registers her breath hitching in her throat. Even this, something so small as this tiny skin to skin contact feels so intimate. So different. It’s like there’s a meaning behind it now, something more than just an accidental touch. And it registers something within Y/N, a feeling deep within her gut.
She never noticed how blue his eyes look, and how much they sparkle in the light. When she’s up this close to Bucky, she can see that he has freckles too, ones previously hidden under his bruises and scars. They seem to be healing nicely. He looks healthier too, calmer at least. Obviously, the food she gave him did the world of good.
“Bucky?”
“Yeah?” He whispers, so quiet she wouldn’t have heard him had he been sitting next to her. Despite everything that he’s been through, and the way he used to scream and shout at her, his voice is so soft. So… human. Rather than the monster she thought he was. But now she knows the truth: he’s a victim. And he deserves the truth. She owes him that.
“I have to tell you something. About your past.”
He takes it well. Or at least, better than she expected someone to do when you tell them that most of their life, one that was so cruelly ripped away from them, can be summed up via a Wikipedia article. When she mentions Steve and the other Howling Commandos, there’s a flicker or recognition there, which makes her smile. It’s small, but at least a start.
“Thank you for telling me.” He murmurs, and she nods. Yet, neither of them know just how much is missing from that page. Happy memories spent with family or friends, the little things Bucky enjoyed - his favourite song, the food he loved - all gone, with no way of knowing if they’ll ever come back. Without even thinking, she scoots closer to him once more, wordlessly telling him she’s there for him. And little does she know, but Bucky appreciates her presence more than he could ever say.
“Steve.” Sam begins, causing the blonde to look up. “There’s an old house near where Bucky could’ve went, and it seems occupied. We could go in and ask if they’ve seen anything.”
“Worth a try.” Steve nods. Again, Sam can tell how unsure Steve feels about this, given how many leads they tried to chase that suddenly turned cold. And Sam also knows how worried Steve is about finding Bucky, no matter the cost. But before he can say anything, Steve stands up, straightening his jacket. “Come on then. Let’s go.”
Later that night, Y/N passes over another steaming hot plate of food, which Bucky quickly devours. Despite the food spraying everywhere, Y/N is glad to see him eating so much. Especially since she’s noticed how Bucky isn’t pausing before beginning to eat as much as he used to. It seemed as if he was waiting to see if he was going to be fed, rather than a cruel prank by his captors. To her, it signifies his recovery, that despite how much they tried to take it away from him, Bucky Barnes is coming back.
And then, there’s a knock at the door.
Immediately, the two are on edge. Especially Bucky. Y/N notices his metal arm tensing, and she stands up quickly.
“I’ll get it. It’s okay.” she insists, trying to calm Bucky’s nerves whilst also trying to ignore how fast her own heart is beating. As she braces herself to open the door, Y/N wonders just how much her life will change once it does. Obviously, the people who tortured Bucky and wiped his mind probably won’t be as courteous enough to knock on the door, but it’s still the major fear coursing through her by now.
Reaching for the door handle, Y/N takes a breath… and opens the door.
Two men stand on the porch. For a moment, she registers a look of disappointment on one of the men’s faces. Almost as if he was expecting someone else. But he soon smiles, clearing his throat. “Good evening ma’am.” He speaks. Y/N recognises them both almost immediately.
Captain America and the Falcon are standing right in front of her. Right away, her fear dissipates, replaced by hope. Bucky finally gets to go home with his friends. With people who love him.
“You’re Cap, and you’re the Falcon.” She gasps. Steve chuckles, but before he can say another word, Y/N continues. “You’re here for Bucky, aren’t you?” Their faces change immediately. A mix of shock, wonder, and excitement. She stands inside, letting both men in.
As soon as they step into the house, Bucky charges out in front of them, his presence immediately threatening.
“What do you want?!” He demands. “I’m not going back there!”
“No! Bucky no! These are your friends. Sam and Steve! Remember?” Making eye contact with Steve, Bucky lowers his hands. In an instant, he’s back to the calmer, quieter person he was before.
“Steve.” He murmurs as the memories soon start to come back.
“Hey Buck. You remember Sam, right? And what happened? We’ve come to take you back. We’ll keep you safe.” Bucky still looks confused. He doesn’t know if he can trust him. She can see it in his eyes. And it breaks her heart.
“He’s right. Remember what I told you? About your past?” Y/N whispers, gently prompting Bucky. “That’s them. Once again, Bucky’s brow furrows… yet after a moment, he nods.
“Steve.” He whispers, smiling. And Steve smiles back. But then it’s as if he remembers that Y/N’s still there.
“So, who are you if you don’t mind me asking?” Steve asks, and Sam sighs.
“Steve.” Sam hisses.
“This is my grandmother’s house. I came here to clear it out after she died, and I found Bucky here.”
“Well, hopefully he wasn’t too much trouble for you.” Sam chuckles. She glances over at Bucky, still watching over her protectively despite being reunited with his best friend. And a small smile crosses Y/N’s lips.
“No. Not at all.”
“Well.” Steve clears his throat, standing up straighter, looking exactly like the Captain he is. “I’m glad to hear you helped him, ma’am.”
“Y/N.”
“Hm?”
“Her name is Y/N.” Bucky speaks up. “And she’s treated me with nothing but kindness since she found me here. Thank you.” Y/N’s smile grows even wider, and Bucky smiles too. A big, warm grin that overtakes his entire face. And something in Y/N’s stomach flutters. Despite the tumultuous start to their relationship, she’s really enjoyed her time with Bucky, and getting to know the real him.
But then, Steve’s next words bring her crashing back down to earth.
“Come on then, Buck. We better go. Thank you for your help, Miss, but we can take it from here.” And there it is. Honestly, a part of Y/N was expecting to be invited along with them. To spend more time with the soldier who captivated her from the beginning. Maybe they’d even get closer. But she can’t. Because despite how much time they spent together, growing more and more comfortable with each other until their lives practically intertwined, she doesn’t fit into his life. His real life. His life where he’s best friends with two Avengers, and a WWII hero. Maybe she never fit into his life. Disappointment twinges deep in her gut. She won’t see Bucky again after this, won’t be able to see how far his recovery goes, and what he remembers.
“So…that’s it then, huh?” She sighs, not even bothering to hide her disappointment. “Well Bucky, it’s been great to meet you, despite everything.” She chuckles. And Bucky realises that he doesn’t want to let her go either. He can’t. And so, he speaks.
“Don’t you think Y/N should come too?” His words stop the rest of the group in their tracks. Steve and Sam both raise a brow, whilst Y/N just looks surprised.
“What?” she gasps.
“Well, HYDRA are probably still going to come looking for me, and what are they going to do when they find Y/N here alone?” Y/N registers her blood chilling. Honestly, she hadn’t even considered that. She’s been so used to having Bucky here, protecting her, (albeit in his own way) that she never even considered what happens on the other side, with her safety system gone. Yet, Bucky’s protectiveness over her makes her heart beat just that little faster, and she registers the heat settling in her cheeks.
“Bucky, we stopped HYDRA. They’ve fallen, they won’t-”
“We can’t take that risk. I was there for years, and I know how they operate. I’m not leaving her here to be hurt, or worse, especially after how kind she’s been to me.” She’s never seen Bucky be so determined, so forceful…especially not about her. After Bucky’s impassioned speech, Steve and Sam start whispering to each other, and Bucky comes back to stand beside her. “It’ll be okay.” He whispers. “I won’t let them hurt you.”
“Thank you.” She smiles. Once more, Bucky’s hand softly brushes against hers. The same spark from before returns, this time so strong that it consumes her every being. And again, Y/N starts seeing Bucky in a new light.
“No. You’re right, Buck.” Steve nods. “We should go, now.” With a determined nod, Bucky looks over at her. And still, he smiles.
“Ready?”