Work Text:
"Hey."
"Oh, hello, Hook! Danhausen is so very happy to hear your voice. This physical therapy business is proving to be quite menacing today. Talking to you is much more gratifying."
"Aw, shit. Sorry. I forgot they switched your PT to earlier in the day on Tuesdays. Call me back when you're done?"
"No, no. Danhausen has already excused himself. The break is probably pretty good for morale or something anyway."
"You sure?"
"Yes, yes, but of course!"
"Oh...okay, cool..."
"...Hook?"
"Yeah?"
"What's wronghausen?"
"I uh...I miss you. "
"Danhausen misses you too, sweetling. But that is not why you called is it?"
"...No...It, um...it isn't."
"Does Hook need Danhausen to kill anyone?"
"What? No! Jesus, no. Why would you jump to that? It's not that bad. You don't need to off anybody!"
"Hook only need to give Danhausen a name."
"Oh my god. No! Why do you sing-song heinous shit like that? It's giving victorian era ghost child."
"I suppose because it's less catastrophic to the very nice physical therapist ladies nearby than Danhausen's infernal syllables would be. They are quite hazardous to the health of less powerful humans. Which is everyone who isn’t Hook."
"Uhhh. Yeah, that'd uh, yeah... That would be bad for them to hear, for um, reasons… Unless it’s the handsy one. Ask me in your native tongue and I’ll say yes. I’ll be your alibi when her brain bleeds or she turns to dust or whatever."
"Oh my god! Hook does not mean this.”
“I kinda mean it…”
“I can hear your beautiful teeth grinding from here! So jealous, my god. Hook knows he has no competition, yes?”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. Of course I know. I just wish we didn’t have to wait so long for everyone else to know.”
“Ah. So, today it is Hook’s turn to second guess things then?”
“...No. Not really.”
“Uh huh?”
“It wasn’t when I called. But now that you mention it…”
“Danhausen is Hook’s in every way imaginable and in a good many ways that aren’t. Danhausen vowed himself to you—quite eagerly as you may recall."
"I do... I accepted, remember? Best day of my life."
"Mmm. Mine too. But, Hook has called with purpose."
"Yeah, speaking of vows..."
"Oh? Good segue?"
"...Jack needs to know. At least the uh, normal parts of things."
"..."
"Danhausen?"
"..."
"D? ...are you still there?"
"Yes, Danhausen is here. That was a terrible segue by the way. Keeping Hookhausen shuttered is for safety. If that changes right now, we run the risk of forfeiting—"
"—No! No, I’m not saying we forfeit anything! I don’t want to do that. I’m in this, D. I am so in this with you. But uh, Jack kind of really needs to know the basics. Sooner rather than later—if you're okay with it. Only the normal stuff. I wouldn’t—I’m not compromising the rest. Wouldn’t dream of it. Not when we’re this close to the end, or ever."
"..."
"Danha--"
"Why Jack all of a sudden then?"
"...He um. It’s kind of a funny story?”
“Danhausen can tell that it isn’t.”
“Yeah…well he, may have caught or like, may be be in the process of uh..."
"Hook."
"Christ. Fine! Jackcaughtfeelingsandtriedtomakeamoveandalmostkissedme..."
"..."
"..."
"Hook said it was not that bad."
"Nothing actually happened!"
"Hook said Danhausen did not need to kill anyone."
"You do not need to and you are not going to kill him!”
“Danhausen has been looking for an excuse—”
“—And this is not it!”
“Agree to disagree.”
“No! Jack’s wires got crossed.”
“Which Danhausen called happening months ago.”
“Which it didn’t! It happened like an hour ago. But he knows I'm with someone now and he didn’t know before this happened! I’d like to tell him the truth. That I'm with you. Maybe some of the other shit I’ve been weird about makes more sense to him if he knows.”
“Hook means tag teaming?”
“Yeah and navigating the side effects... of, you know. The other stuff? He’s my friend, you know? Jack’s stuck with me and I haven’t been easy to deal with. Being away from you this often…it hasn’t been great for me. You know that.”
“I do. Danhausen would feel better if you were closer too.”
“I know… But we have to work the angle we have until it all settles. That’s what I’ve been doing."
"..."
"D...come on, the call is still connected. Please say something…"
“I love you.”
“I love you too… Trust me. If I thought he was a threat to the uh, rest of things, I wouldn’t mention it. He’s a good guy.”
"Danhausen does not agree. But. He is important to Hook, obviously. So, Jack may know the pieces of Hookhausen that his incredibly small and smooth brain will understand."
"So, petty. But okay. The rest stays need to know until we hit the year mark. Same as planned. Dad and OC are it. We’ll be safe."
"We’re only a couple of months away now.”
“I know. I’ll be excited when the threat isn’t looming anymore.”
“Yes, yes. Nothing could ever tear Danhausen away from Hook anyhow. But it will be quite nice to live as we are meant to be soon enough.”
“Yeah. I’ll just…feel better when the uh, formalities from your side are settled.”
“Indeed… Danhausen will be the one to tell Jack about Hookhausen, by the way."
"Weird how that doesn't sound like you not threatening or murdering him..."
"Danhausen will never harm another soul without Hook's consent—unless it is to keep you safe. However, a creature from the jungle will understand the concept of protecting territory. If not, Danhausen would be happy to give Jack a refresher of sorts"
"... What does that mean?"
"It means your heart is mine to protect. Danhausen will simply introduce himself to your very good friend Jack as its rightful keeper."
"Fuck. I hate when your bad ideas sound fucked up in a romantic way if I’m squinting. Can you at least finish your PT appointment before you book a flight?"
"Um."
"You booked it while we were talking, didn't you?"
"...Danhausen takes protecting our marriage very seriously?"
"Our marriage that no one knows about and isn’t actually in any jeopardy because we've been so careful?”
“Correction! Two very important people in our lives know. Plus one minorly evolved ape person who is soon to be added to the list.”
“That’s terrible.”
“Hook laughed.”
“Still terrible. Anyone ever told you that you're a bit possessive?"
"Hm. You've mentioned it once or twice. Which reminds Danhausen—"
"—Oh, this'll be good."
"That physical therapist Hook is so fond of?”
“Handsy? Hate her, but go on.”
“Mhm. She suggested she could make house calls to Danhausen's home if he would like."
"Why…? The clinic doesn't do house calls. She's not your primary therapist either."
"That is what Danhausen said too! She gave me a hot chocolate with her cell phone number on the side of the cup. Something about calling her after hours or something if I needed a hand or two with anything in the evenings. Isn’t that nice?"
"She did fucking what? I’m taking next week off. What time does your appointment usually start at?”
“Oh, ho ho. What was that Hook was saying about Danhausen being possessive?”
“Rude. I’ll feel a lot better once the ring isn’t burning a hole in my wallet anymore.”
“Hook…?
“Yeah?”
“Hook knows it can not be removed? The ringhausen? Once the final sands fall, and the rings are slipped on—”
“Together they are bound, for eternity's long… I know, Danhausen…Putting it in perspective, I guess I’m being kind of dramatic about the PT lady, huh?”
“Heh. Only a little.”
“You could even say you’re being kind of dramatic about, Jack, really.”
“Danhausen will be saying no such thing.”