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“Cas? You home, buddy?”
The question echoed through the dark apartment as Dean called out to his friend. When there was no response from his roommate, Dean frowned and switched the lights on.
He was late; things had been insanely busy at Lafitte’s Bakery this week, and Dean’s boss Benny had begged him to stay a little longer today. Dean, being the dedicated employee that he was, had agreed.
Dean shrugged as he crossed the living room, aiming for his own room, planning to take a shower and change into some flour-free clothes; Cas was probably staying late at the office as well, Cas’ dickhead of a boss Mr. Adler made him work late more often than not.
Whistling along to some lame pop song that was stuck in his head, Dean darted down the hallway, only to come to a very abrupt halt when he passed Castiel’s room. The door was ajar, the room bathing in darkness. There was the muffled sound of sniffling.
“Cas?” Dean called again, hesitating to enter the room, even though it was clear that his friend was in there.
No reaction.
Dean was torn. He didn’t want to invade Cas’ privacy, but at the same time, the sound of Cas’ silent sobbing was effectively breaking Dean’s heart. What hurt the most was that Dean could already guess what this had to be about, and it made him angry. Actually, he’d seen it coming ever since Cas had told him that he’d started seeing some dude named Gadreel, a couple of weeks ago.
Gently pushing against the door, Dean peered into the dimly lit room, spotting the lump in the middle of the bed that was Cas.
“Go away, Dean.” Castiel mumbled the halfhearted warning into his pillow.
Dean knew for a fact that he didn’t mean it, not really. He knew because they’d been here before, many times. With the guy named Andy. With that Balthazar dude. With plenty of others that Dean no longer remembered by name because they’d only been in Cas’ life for a month or less. He didn’t need to remember, because all of them were huge jerks anyway.
Whenever Cas began dating someone new, it was the same old story; all was good for a month or so, until Cas had the talk with them. The talk basically being ‘I like you. I want to keep seeing you. But sex is most likely never going to be part of the deal, because it’s not something I’m interested in’. Being bisexual, Dean could relate a little. Sexuality was a personal matter, and it definitely wasn’t something you’d bring up when first meeting someone, but also not something that could be long hidden when getting seriously involved with another human being.
Most of them would tell Cas that they would ‘think about it’, only to cowardly ditch him over the phone the next day. Dean and Cas had been friends since they were eighteen years old, and by now, ten years later, Dean knew the routine. God, people were such assholes. How did they fail to see that Cas was freaking perfect?
Dean sat down on the edge of Cas’ bed and turned on the lamp on the nightstand, but Castiel didn’t move an inch, still hiding his face in the pillow.
“Are you gonna look at me?” Dean asked conversationally, a request rather than a command.
A quiet sniffle from Castiel. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Dean sighed, resting a hand between Cas’ shoulder blades and lightly rubbing Cas’ back, fingertips tracing the rumpled blue dress shirt that he was wearing.
“I never mentioned talking, Cas.” Dean reminded him. “All I’m asking for here is some eye contact.”
A quiet groan, but Cas turned onto his side, facing Dean. Blue eyes blinked at Dean, red and puffy.
“There you go.” Dean murmured, already trying to think of something, anything at all, to cheer Cas up.
Before he could figure something out, a faint blue light came from the corner of the room, and Dean noticed Castiel’s phone on the floor. He went to pick it up, Cas’ eyes following his every move. The phone was still working, but the screen was cracked; apparently Cas had thrown it in a wave of desperation.
When Dean sat down beside Castiel on the bed again, Cas was scowling at the phone as if it had personally offended him. Dean pushed it in Cas’ direction anyway.
Cas snorted humorlessly. “I don’t need that… It’s worthless now… Broken. Like me.”
There was a silence, during which Dean avoided Cas’ gaze, instead turning his head and staring out of the window, looking at the many twinkling city lights below as he gathered his thoughts. Cas was wrong, so wrong. To Dean, Cas was everything. What he felt for Cas was so much better than any physical closeness with whatever other random person could possibly be. If only Cas would see him that way… But Cas had never dropped any hints in the decade that they’d known each other, and Dean wasn’t about to ruin a perfectly good friendship over his stupid feelings. Wasn’t about to tell Cas that he’d be very much willing to be with him as more than two buddies who shared an apartment, if only Castiel would have him.
“You’re not broken.” Dean countered as he turned to look Cas in the eye again. “People are dicks. They are the problem, you’re not.”
Cas looked skeptical, but didn’t say another word. At which Dean did the same thing that he’d done all of those other times; he lured Cas out of his room with a promise of the homemade cheeseburgers that Dean knew Castiel loved most.
It worked every time.
One hour later, and they were sitting side by side at the breakfast bar, Cas letting out a pleased sound at the first bite. Dean grinned, because this was how he liked to see Castiel. That little half smile, and that glint in his eyes that told Dean that Cas was remotely happy.
“Good?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow at Castiel.
Cas nodded enthusiastically as he chewed.
In the end, it was a tiny smear of ketchup at the corner of Cas’ mouth that changed the game. It was Dean’s thumb that shyly brushed against Cas’ skin to remove it. It was their eyes meeting, and Cas whispering a confession.
“This is all I’d want… Just this.” Castiel admitted once they’d both finished their burgers.
Of course Cas could be speaking in general, but Dean couldn’t help but think that this was about them. Cas and Dean. Dean and Cas. Neither of them looked away as Dean’s thumb brushed along Cas’ face again, this time sliding across his cheekbone.
“Funny…” Dean said quietly. “It’s what I want too.”
Cas’ eyes went wide. It would’ve been hilarious if the situation hadn’t been this earnest.
“But you know that I don’t…” Cas trailed off, a pained look crossing his face.
“I’ve known you for ten years. Remember how I was the first person you told?” Dean refreshed Cas’ memory, lowering his hand and placing it on Castiel’s knee. “And if we’re doing honesty hour, I gotta tell you that I would’ve made a move ages ago if I’d known you were interested.”
Cas’ jaw went slack, and damn, that scarlet blush on his cheeks was adorable.
“But you… I’ve wanted you ever since we first met, but I know how much you enjoy intercourse.” Castiel blurted out after a long silence.
I’ve wanted you ever since we first met. For a moment, Dean felt like flying, but forced himself to snap out of it.
“Yeah… I do.” Dean replied honestly, squeezing Cas’ knee. “But I enjoy you more.”
Cas was gaping at him in utter disbelief. They both fell silent again. Cas was the first one to break it.
“You’d be with me? Even knowing that…” Castiel didn’t finish that sentence.
Dean smiled at him in confirmation, then said the first thing that came to mind. “Can I ask you three questions, Cas?”
Castiel seemed somewhat dazed, but nodded.
“Alright…” Dean said, clearing his throat as he took one of Cas’ hands in his so that he could play with Castiel’s fingers. “Would you let me hold you?”
Cas tilted his head in confusion, but answered nonetheless. “Of course.”
Dean smiled, his thumb now drawing patterns against the back of Cas’ hand.
“Would you let me kiss you?” Dean proceeded.
“Yes.” Cas breathed, already leaning in at the suggestion, so that their faces were mere inches apart.
Dean chuckled, Cas’ eagerness making him giddy.
“What’s the third question?” Cas wondered out loud, sounding almost impatient, his warm breath tickling Dean’s lips.
Dean put a hand to his heart in a theatrical manner, set on making his best friend laugh. “Will you still love me when I’m all old and wrinkly, and drooling all over myself?”
Success. Cas laughed, more puffs of breath teasing Dean’s lips, before whispering “I will, Dean”.
“Then I’m all yours, Cas.”
After that, Cas demanded they’d get to the kissing part already. Dean didn’t refuse him. When they shared Castiel’s bed later that night, Dean snuggling into Cas’ chest, Dean knew for sure that he’d made the right decision.
Cas was enough, more than enough, and he pitied all the losers who were missing out.