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Cody was going to kill him.
Cody was going to fucking kill him .
Rex watched Cody carefully through the blue haze of the holo-comm, searching for his face who knows what.
“Why weren’t we informed of this,” Cody said after a few moments of tense silence, his hands clenched into fists where they rested at his side. He was furious, and despite his best efforts, it showed in every inch of his being.
“Cody, even General Skywalker wasn’t informed of the mission,” Rex responded, trying to reassure him.
“Skywalker would’ve compromised the mission,” Cody spit, his usually lax temper getting the best of him, “From what it sounds like, he almost did. We, his battalion, are halfway across the fucking galaxy. What the hell were they thinking, keeping us in the dark like that!”
He was itching to hit something.
Obi-Wan’s ‘death’ hit the 212th hard. Cody had spent the last month and a half comforting vode in the barracks, running the 7th Sky Corps practically by himself, monitoring Separatist activity in the Outer Rim, and conducting a campaign with Ghost Company. He couldn’t remember the last time he got more than four hours of sleep, or ran on anything less than five cups of kaf per day.
Cody had been devastated when he received news of Obi-Wan’s apparent death, even more so when the responsibility of telling the 212th fell to him, and he watched over a thousand of his brothers cry out in grief.
The way the vode grieved was different from the rest. It wasn’t loud. Silence had been essential to survival on Kamino when little brothers had been taken back into the labs, never to be seen again. Their version of a sob could be seen in blank faces, ramrod straight spines, dead eyes, and too many risks on the field.
He’d lost one of their youngest, held the man as he was bleeding out in Cody’s arms. He’d transferred no more than six months ago, but Obi-Wan’s disappearance still struck a chord with the young man. Cody had to be shoved into a transport, his hands still covered in his little brother’s blood, staring blankly at the wall while echoes of his last words played in his mind.
“Kote,” Rex said gently, his voice bringing Cody back to the present, “I know you’re angry. And I’m sorry. But he’s…not well. He and Skywalker got into it pretty bad, and even Ahsoka is giving him the silent treatment. He’s spent the last month around people who wanted him dead and-”
“I don’t care!” Cody cut him off lowly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he desperately tried to fend off a migraine, “I don’t - he didn’t have to take this mission, and he certainly didn’t have to execute it like this. I’ve lost a lot of good men mourning him, and he was alive ! He left us, and we mourned him like he was one of our own!”
Rex didn’t answer.
He just looked at Cody, studying him how he knew Cody hated.
Cody knew he was being unfair. He knew he would’ve done the same had it been asked of him. He knew Obi-Wan wasn’t vode, that he could never truly be one of theirs.
“I’m sorry,” Rex repeated, “I know you were…impacted pretty hard, harder than most.”
“What’s that supposed to mean,” Cody jerked his head up to glare at his brother.
“I see the way you look at him, ori’vod,” Rex said quietly, “I know. Even if no one else does, I do. And I’m sorry.”
Cody’s eyes, stupidly, filled with tears. Obi-Wan was…he didn’t even know. He had no words for the tangle of feelings in his gut, and nothing to do about it except ignore them. His Jedi was everything the Kaminoans said they’d be and more. He was brilliant, terrifyingly competent, an expert swordsman and one of the bravest men Cody had ever met. He was also shit at taking care of himself, he fell into pieces whenever he was charged with taking care of a child while they searched for parents, and he spent an inordinate amount of time actually trying to get to know Cody and his men.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cody denied, though his throat began to close up a little, “He’s my general. That’s all.”
Rex sighed, “I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that.”
“What else am I supposed to say?”
“I don’t know!”
They sat in silence again for a little while, before something on Rex’s end started beeping. Rex looked over, before looking back apologetically at Cody.
“I gotta go.”
“Okay,” Cody said tiredly, “Thank you for telling me. Sorry I’m…worked up.”
Rex laughed sarcastically, “I think I can find it in myself to understand. Skywalker and Ahsoka are about eighty times worse, so believe it or not this is a nice break for me.”
Cody grinned slightly, “Good luck with those two. I’ll see you soon.”
Rex gave him a quick salute before signing off, leaving Cody staring at the wall of his quarters.
Obi-Wan Kenobi, alive.
It seemed too much to ask.
As he sat there, the anger began to fade a little, replaced with a sort of sadness. It wasn’t his right, really, to mourn a man who was still alive. Obi-Wan was not one of his, no matter how much a part of Cody wanted him to be. He could do nothing to protect him or shelter his general from the storm he was facing and had faced over the past month or so.
He understood unwavering devotion, especially now, in the midst of the war he and his brothers had been trapped in. What began as obedience out of fear had slowly morphed and become partnership in the face of adversity. He couldn’t really fault Obi-Wan for doing what he’d been asked, not when he and Cody had spoken of their personal alliances many times before.
But the small, selfish part of him was still angry. He was angry Obi-Wan left Cody to manage everything, he was angry none of the nat-born officers cared, he was angry his general didn’t think to at least bring him in. He was angry they’d lost so many good men because grief made them impulsive, reckless, when a short missive from the general would’ve kept them alive.
In short, he had no clue how he was going to react when he saw his general again, alive and well.
He stood slowly, not really sure where he was going until he was halfway there. He’d go to the officers first, let them know what happened, answer questions as best he could, and tell them to keep it quiet until the Council made the news public.
After that, he’d probably take a trip to the med bay like Helix had been asking him to do and get poked and prodded for an hour or two before being told to sleep. He, of course, would not sleep, but stare up at the ceiling of his small room like he’d been doing for weeks, his thoughts racing and keeping him awake.
The thought of reaching out to Obi-Wan crossed his mind, before he quickly shook his head. The Jedi had enough on his plate without Cody crossing personal and professional boundaries just to say something stupid. In fact, he had no idea what he would say even if given the chance.
The fact that he was even considering sending a comm to Obi-Wan meant Helix was right, and Cody needed to be knocked out for a few hours. Maybe a bit in the training room would be enough to wear him out. He could run through the usual exercises, maybe work in a spar or two with whoever was in there.
His plans were thwarted by a near collision with Waxer as he rounded the corner towards the officer’s bunks.
“Sir!” Waxer snapped into a hasty salute, scrambling from where he’d nearly fallen over trying to avoid crashing into Cody.
“At ease, Lieutenant,” Cody said, a small laugh accompanying his words, “What’s going on?”
“The general, sir! He’s alive!”
Well. There went his plan to break the news slowly.
When Cody didn’t react, Waxer furrowed his brow, putting the pieces together himself.
“You knew,” he said, the earlier enthusiasm in his voice gone, replaced with something like disbelief, “You knew he was alive.”
“As of fifteen minutes ago, yes,” Cody said, wanting to assure the other man this was not a secret he would have kept, “I was coming to tell the officers the news.”
“Oh,” Waxer relaxed slightly, still looking somewhat off-put by Cody’s own lack of enthusiasm, “That’s…good news, right?”
Cody nodded sharply, though he could tell the lieutenant was unconvinced.
“Has the Council made the news public,” he asked, trying to divert away from his mixed up feelings on the matter. Waxer nodded, telling him most everyone had received the message by now. Cody sent him off to celebrate with the rest of the vode, and changed course. He wouldn’t bother Helix or any of the other medics, who were probably joining in on the celebrations, and no one would really be up to sparring with happy news being spread like wildfire.
He would just…go back to his bunk, waiting quietly for Obi-Wan’s impending arrival.
—
Cody missed Obi-Wan’s return, thanks to evil medics who didn’t know when the back off.
Helix had called after two days of Cody locking himself in his room to do paperwork and get everything in order before their general got back, and when the call didn’t get Cody in to see him, he’d plugged in his override code and let himself in. He dragged Cody by the back of his chestplate to the med bay, ignoring Cody’s whining about needing his datapad and telling him exactly where he could shove it.
Unfortunately, it had become a pretty common occurrence for the CMO to be seen wrangling the Marshal Commander through the halls, and almost no one batted an eye.
Helix sat Cody down, had a med droid do a scan or two, then scowled Cody into submission. He agreed to sleep on one of the cots where Helix could keep an eye on him, more because Helix threatened to strap him down, and less because he actually wanted to, then been hooked up to a saline IV meant to help with the “obvious” dehydration.
When he couldn’t sleep, Helix pulled out a sedative and stuck it into the saline drip, completely ignoring Cody’s protests. It was embarrassing how fast the sedative took effect, and the last thing he saw was Helix’s judgemental face staring him into unconsciousness.
When he woke, a dead man was sitting next to him, quietly reading something on a datapad.
Again, Cody’s eyes filled with tears as he drank in the sight of his general. It was ridiculous, he’d known Obi-Wan to be alive for days now, he had no reason to get so emotional over seeing the man.
As if he could sense his thoughts, Obi-Wan looked up and smiled softly as Cody stubbornly tried to blink the tears out of his eyes.
“Hello Commander,” he said gently, graciously ignoring Cody’s inability to get himself under control, “It’s been a while.”
He couldn’t help it, he laughed wetly at the poor attempt at a joke. It seemed the answer to the question of how he would react was sobbing into the pillow like a cadet after a training session with Alpha-17.
“Why the tears, Commander?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
Obi-Wan laughed despite the absolutely inappropriate way Cody had just addressed him, and Cody squeezed his eyes shut and turned his face away. He couldn’t do this when he was still drowsy from whatever Helix had pumped into him and unable to properly regulate his emotions.
“Cody,” a hand found his own and squeezed, “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” he said miserably. Because of course he would be. Of course he would make it hard to be angry, to be a perfect source of blame for the emotional and physical hell Cody had been through.
He heard a small, sad sigh before Obi-Wan spoke again, “When Helix told me you were in the med bay I was quite worried. I was afraid something happened in my absence.”
“It’s not your fault,” Cody said quietly, “Just me being an idiot.”
“I hardly think you running the entire Sky Corps was idiotic,” Obi-Wan defended for him, “In fact, I’ve already had several meetings with the admirals about their misconduct during my time away.”
“You mean when you were playing dead,” he needed to be accusatory, he needed to be angry. It was easier than whatever this was.
“Yes,” Obi-Wan admitted defeatedly.
“Why,” Cody croaked, “Why didn’t you say anything? At least to me?” It was a selfish question, and he hated himself for it.
“I wasn’t allowed to,” came the soft admittance, “But I wanted to. I never…I asked them to send someone to look after you, or let me pass off a message to the officers. The Council thought it too dangerous.”
The answer made sense. It still didn’t help.
“Cody,” Obi-Wan called when he kept his face turned away and his mouth shut, “I’m so sorry.”
Cody turned to face him, ignoring the way Obi-Wan’s face scrunched in concern when he saw his tears, “I understand. I really do. You have a duty to your people.” He ignored the way those words made his chest twist uncomfortably, the additional reminder that Obi-Wan was not and could not be his striking a melancholy chord.
Obi-Wan pursed his lips, his hand twitching where it remained enclosed around Cody’s.
“I would have done the same,” Cody said, his gaze landing on their hands laying at his side. It was far more comforting than Cody wanted to admit.
“And I suspect it would hurt me just the same as I’ve hurt you,” Obi-Wan responded after a moment, and Cody nearly laughed. If only he knew.
The truth was, no matter how much Cody wished for something, it could never be. The whole reason he’d first begun to like his general, far before he was attracted to him, was because of his sense of devotion. It was an assurance to Cody, as he found a sort of kindred spirit in the man. The Jedi would always be first for Obi-Wan, and the vode would always be first for Cody. Neither would shirk their responsibilities for something so trivial as romance. He knew Obi-Wan’s past relationships had failed for that same reason, and he wouldn’t put either of them in that position.
But here and now, Cody wanted. He thought he’d lost him and he wanted so badly to close that gap, to pull him in and let him know why Cody was so unable to pull himself together.
“I’m sorry,” Cody said after a moment, “I shouldn’t-”
“You should,” Obi-Wan interrupted, “You’re allowed to be upset, Cody. You know I would never be upset because you have thoughts and feelings about something.”
Cody clenched his jaw, ignoring the fresh tears at his general’s easy acceptance, “Why do you have to be so…accepting.”
Obi-Wan grinned, a small spark appearing in his eyes, “Are you really asking me to care less?”
“Yes!”
His general’s face dropped and Cody grimaced, looking up at the ceiling. He hadn’t meant to say that.
“My dear-”
“Stop,” Cody said harshly, “I told you I understand. It’s fine.”
“Is it?” He could feel the weight of Obi-Wan’s stare as he didn’t answer.
He had no idea what his answer would even be. Of course he understood. Of course it wasn’t fine.
“Do you really want me to not care?”
“I don’t know,” Cody answered honestly, “I - we spent a month grieving, burying more dead than we should have because you care. You care too much and it-” he cut himself off before a sob could escape him. “We’ve blurred too many lines,” he choked out, “you’re more than a general to them and it devastated them.” He’d devastated Cody too, but that felt a little too close to admittance than he wanted.
Obi-Wan stayed silent for a long time.
Cody broke the silence first, “I’m sorry. I understand if - if you would rather I step back until I’ve regained control of myself. That was out of line.”
He heard the chair scrape across the floor and closed his eyes again, knowing he’d messed up. Obi-Wan was leaving and Cody would be stuck here, trying to keep his tears silent as his general slipped away.
“I’m going to call Helix so he can get you out of here,” Obi-Wan said tiredly, “would you mind coming to my quarters afterward?”
Cody nodded, not trusting himself to speak. The hand on his squeezed once more before lifting, and though he knew just a few minutes earlier he’d wanted nothing more than to be left by himself, he had to muffle the small protest as Obi-Wan’s steps echoed his leaving.
Helix arrived a few moments later, thankfully saying nothing about the tear tracks Cody was wiping away, and went about looking him over in silence.
“I don’t want to see him,” Cody said after a moment.
Helix hummed lightly, waiting for Cody to spit out what he was feeling.
“I messed up. I should’ve been there for him, helping comfort him. I just made him feel worse.”
Helix gently removed the IV from his arm before speaking, “Do you remember the first time you were in here?”
Cody nodded. It had been after the second battle on Geonosis. He’d been in the med bay before, of course, checking up on troopers, coming in for monthly scans. But he’d been so busy directing clean up and making sure Obi-Wan and the most heavily injured troopers got back safe that it wasn’t until he was off the planet and the adrenaline left his system that he realized he himself was injured. It was the first time Helix cussed him out before shoving him into a bacta tank.
“I was so mad that you’d prioritized everyone but yourself,” Helix continued, “I told Rex when he came in to check on you that your status was a blessing and a curse. I wished, at the time, that you’d be just a little more selfish.”
Cody didn’t know that.
“Rex helpfully pointed out that nearly everyone in command had that exact same thought before, and that you CCs were born with extra thick skulls and no self-preservation instincts.”
Cody laughed softly. That sounded like something Rex would say.
“I realized I wasn’t really mad,” Helix admitted as Cody sat up, “I was scared. You love us too much, Kote, and it’s terrifying.” He paused as he began to put things back in their proper place, “You’re allowed to be scared of losing him, but that’s not a good reason to push him away.”
Cody buried his face in his hands, “I don’t know what to do.”
“Then let him take the lead,” Helix suggested, finally done putting everything away and turning back to Cody, “You’ve said your piece, now let him say his.”
“What if he hates me for it?”
Helix laughed, “Oh, I doubt that man could ever hate you.”
Cody raised an eyebrow quizzically. Helix just put a hand on his shoulder and smirked, “Like Rex said, you’ve got a thick skull vod.”
—
An hour after Cody left the med bay, he stood in front of Obi-Wan’s door. He’d taken the time to go back to his quarters and get dressed in his full armor set, wanting to feel like a commander and not a shiny on his first day off Kamino.
He knocked, and a few moments of heart-pounding silence followed. It was just long enough to make him consider coming back later, in case Obi-Wan had decided he’d taken too long and needed to go do something else.
He’d had his fist raised to knock a second time before he called it quits when the door slid open, and a very tired general stood in the door frame.
Now that he could actually see him, Cody was concerned. He’d lost weight during his time away and he looked absolutely exhausted. His hands were shaking slightly, which Cody had learned usually meant he hadn’t eaten in a while. Without thinking, Cody pulled a ration bar from his belt pouch and offered it to him.
Obi-Wan looked down, blinked at the innocently wrapped package, and took it slowly before looking back up.
“Thank you for coming,” Obi-Wan tried for a smile, but it just made him look even more tired.
“Of course, General,” Cody greeted cordially, regretting it as soon as Obi-Wan’s shoulders sagged slightly. It probably wouldn’t have been caught by anyone else, but Cody spent nearly everyday with the man at this point and knew his tells.
Obi-Wan stepped aside and allowed Cody to enter the room before taking up his usual spot behind his desk. Cody settled in on the extra chair Obi-Wan had requisitioned after the first time they spent over twenty four hours in here planning an assault with nowhere for Cody to sit. He had, of course, insisted Cody take his chair while Obi-Wan either stood or stayed sitting on his bunk, but both agreed it would be more comfortable to get more seating for the next session.
Obi-Wan opened his mouth to speak before Cody interrupted, “I want to apologize for what I said earlier, sir. I was not myself at the time as the sedative Helix had administered hadn’t quite worn off yet.”
Obi-Wan studied him for a moment before asking, “Would you mind removing your helmet?”
Cody swallowed roughly, but acquiesced. He enjoyed the cover it granted him during these sorts of conversations.
“Thank you,” Obi-Wan smiled as he placed the helmet to the side, “Now, while I understand you may have been a bit out of it, I also know some of what you said was true.”
Cody really hated the Force sometimes.
“I am not going to stop connecting with and caring about my men. Nor am I going to ask you to step away,” Obi-Wan said firmly, “But I don’t understand where this is coming from. I was under the impression that you approved of my camaraderie with the men.”
“I do,” Cody quickly assured him, “Truly, it makes me comfortable to know you care so much.”
Obi-Wan nodded, “Then why did you ask me to stop?”
Cody hesitated, and Obi-Wan let him take his time. The truth is, Helix was right. Cody was fucking terrified. Loss was inevitable in their line of work, but for it to come for the one person Cody had never expected to lose…
He hated the feeling of emptiness that he never seemed to get rid of in the days following Obi-Wan’s death. He hated how much it hurt, and how much he cared. He hated that even in death, he couldn’t stop caring, couldn’t put it away into a little box like he’d forced himself to do every other time. Obi-Wan scared him, but what scared him more was his own feelings about the man.
“I’m used to losing people,” Cody began slowly, “And I’ve learned to deal with it and move on. I…couldn’t, when we thought you were dead. I don’t know if it was because everywhere I looked, I expected you there, or because every single one of us was grieving all at once, but it was different.”
Obi-Wan’s face grew pinched as he listened, and Cody could tell he was dangerously close to overstepping again.
“I was scared,” he admitted, “And I took it out on you. I’m sorry, sir.”
Obi-Wan was quiet for a while. Cody shifted uncomfortably as the silence dragged on.
“I read the casualty reports,” his general said finally, “You have good reason to be scared.”
Cody sighed. He’d been hoping to keep those from Obi-Wan until after the general had settled back in.
“I know you may think I said nothing about my survival because I didn’t care or didn’t have time, but that isn’t true. I’ve come to care very much about these men and this battalion, and just as you have said it is your duty to protect me, it is also mine to protect you.” Obi-Wan sat back in his hair, turning the ration bar over in his hands, “I suppose I didn’t do a very good job of that.”
Cody shrugged, “You didn’t know how we’d react. You couldn’t have predicted that.”
Obi-Wan chuckled softly, “An hour ago you were telling me to back off, now you’re trying to comfort me.”
Cody grimaced, “I’ve come to my senses.”
“I hope it’s not just because I’m your superior officer,” Obi-Wan looked at him seriously, and Cody knew what he was asking.
“No,” Cody assured him, “It’s not. I thought I was angry for a while, both before and after I knew. Helix gave me some advice that changed that.”
Obi-Wan looked down at the bar in his hands, “A wise man, that Helix.”
Cody snorted.
Obi-Wan looked up and smiled for real at Cody’s apparent amusement, “In any case, I’m glad he’s helped. Is there anything I can do that does not involve isolating myself from my troops to help?”
Cody’s own smile dropped slightly as he responded, “No, not unless you want to take me up on my earlier offer.”
Obi-Wan huffed as though the mere thought offended him, “My dear, I don’t plan on letting you out of my sight for some time. I have amends to make, after all, and in no way would your leaving benefit that effort.”
Cody’s smile returned full force as a wave of relief slammed into him. Obi-Wan didn’t hate him. Obi-Wan wanted him around.
“Cody,” the concern of his general’s voice cut through his thoughts, “did you really think I’d ask you to leave over something so trivial?”
Cody winced, which was all the answer Obi-Wan needed.
His general sighed and stood, slowly approaching Cody as he spoke, “You are my commander and friend. If you were perfectly complacent in my decisions all the time, I’d have failed many times over by now.”
Cody laughed at the joke, before realizing he was serious, “I appreciate it, sir. It’s good to know my training didn’t go to waste on you.”
“Never,” Obi-Wan responded with far too much emotion behind his tone for Cody to dissect, “I would have you by my side until the end, Commander.”
“I would ask the same,” Cody said softly, knowing that his own words echoed with far too much truth.
And yet, the way Obi-Wan looked at him in that moment felt dangerously close to Cody’s own feelings.
He shook his head slightly, passing it off as a laugh. Who was he kidding?
It was just wishful thinking.