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This day is a rainy one, drops of water pouring down on the Impure Realm. However, the garden seems brighter like this, the flowers slowly accepting what nourishes them. Or so that's what A-Ning always says. Nie Mingjue never thought much of it. Rain is just water, just like flowers are just plants.
And today, they seem just as dim as the sky is.
"You're a Wen." Nie Mingjue says.
A-Ning doesn't deny it, pain flashing on his face. His eyes widen slightly, as his fists clench on his outer robe. He looks so fragile, sitting like this in those robes almost too big for him. He turns his gaze away, to his right side.
He doesn't deny it.
Nie Mingjue frowns, in the way he knows has always scared A-Ning. "Why have you never told me?"
A-Ning keeps his gaze on the colorful field, though Nie Mingjue can see his hands are shaking. When he speaks, his voice too cracks.
"If so, wouldn't you have killed me?"
Nie Mingjue's frown deepens but he can say he wouldn't have. Wens are savages better off dead, their decaying corpses lying in plain sight, left to the birds of prey.
But A-Ning…
Nie Mingjue sighs, louder than he means to. A-Ning flinches away, like he had stopped to do weeks ago. And Nie Mingjue knows, just like that, that he must be careful with his next words.
A-Ning is a delicate being, so prone to sadness and self loathing. He's like a glass sculpture, splendid yet risking shattering at every moment. He's precious, more than any man has the right to be.
So, Nie Mingjue says, "Not now. Not anymore."
But A-Ning doesn't relax. Nie Mingjue doesn't expect him to, not with the shared history of their sects.
A-Ning doesn't look at him, and that's something Nie Mingjue doesn't like. He wants to reach out and touch his hand but he knows better. A-Ning is so scared, he must be careful. If not, today will be the last time they sit in the same room. And that's not what Nie Mingjue wants.
"Excuse me if I don't believe it." A-Ning says.
Nie Mingjue understands. He really does. Had they met in different circonstances, he would have killed him.
But they didn't meet on the battlefield, on a sinful day, bloody and aching for revenge. They met in that flower field, on a fateful night, A-Ning healing Nie Mingjue's wounds softly.
Yet, Nie Mingjue frowns. A-Ning isn't stupid, no matter what others might say, just scared. And Nie Mingjue aches to reach out and touch him, the way A-Ning has slowly come to accept.
But he doesn't move. That would be the stupid thing to do. And he's trying really hard to do the right thing.
"I don't want excuses." And that sounds like anger. Wrong words. "I want you to trust me."
A-Ning lowers his head. When he eventually looks at Nie Mingjue, sorrow is written on his face. Teary eyes and all of that.
"I trust you." He says. "With all my heart and all my soul, I do. I –" He goes to say more but his voice cracks as his tears fall down.
Nie Mingjue clenches his fists. He has always hated that sight. A-Ning deserves to smile for every day that's to come, deserves to have the world to bow to him, deserves graces and blessings. Not that . Not pains and aches and sorrows. Not neverending tears and bottomless wounds and pitiful sniffs.
He has always hated to see that. Always, always, always. Yet, today, he's the reason why. And he wants to kick himself for that.
A-Ning inhales deeply and manages to speak again, "You – you're the one, the most precious to me. And I under – understand perfectly that you want me out now but –"
Tears block his throat, cutting his airpath. For a second, Nie Mingjue fears he won't breathe again. Then –
Then A-Ning falls to the ground in a messy bow. He's still crying, his voice uncertain and his breathing hard. But before he can speak, Nie Mingjue talks.
"I don't want you out."
A-Ning stops, and Nie Mingjue must think fast. The words are unnatural in his mouth but he knows he must force them out. For A-Ning.
"I'm upset, I truly am, but I want you to stay." For the night then the day after then all life long. "I know you're not like the Wens. You're better than them." Has always been. Since the first day, A-Ning has only been caring and loving. From the very first day, he has only been soft and delicate.
And Nie Mingjue only wants to keep him close. To keep him in his sect, in his arms, in his heart.
A-Ning doesn't move from the ground and Nie Mingjue reaches out to him, a hand coming on his shoulder. A-Ning doesn't flinch away, and that's a victory. Nie Mingjue squeezes, just a little bit. "Up."
And A-Ning obeys. He's biting his lips, his face is a mess, his eyes are redder than a wedding robe and his hair falls out of his ponytail.
And Nie Mingjue can't resist. He pulls him in his arms.
Just a second after, A-Ning is embracing him, his arms firmly in place around Nie Mingjue's torso. And he sobs, louder than before. He cries and Nie Mingjue doesn't move, doesn't dare to.
This moment, Nie Mingjue realizes, is what he wants to have forever. A-Ning in his arms, trusting him to express himself freely, letting go of everything, the world becoming nothing but them. Just them and nothing in between.
One of Nie Mingjue's hands comes to A-Ning's back, pushing him closer, while the other rests on his head, in his hair. And that's good, that feels right, that seems fitting.
Just the two of them, no matter what. No matter what the others might say, no matter what might happen, Nie Mingjue knows he wants this. And he's always been selfish, enough so to not accept anything less than what he desires.
And those against it can go fuck themselves.