Work Text:
Jing Yuan had been watching Yingxing and Dan Feng for so long, so he knew.
He knew that Dan Feng was the only one for Yingxing, and Yingxing was the only one for Dan Feng.
Still, he couldn’t help it the day when he fell for Yingxing. He remembers thinking that he was in trouble. Yingxing would never see him the same way. So he never said anything because there was no point for him to. To Yingxing, a close friend — was all he ever was.
Yingxing had always had his eyes for Dan Feng.
It took quite a long time, as far as Jing Yuan remembers, for the two to realize their feelings. Jing Yuan believed Yingxing was the one who realized his feelings for Dan Feng first.
Jing Yuan noticed the way Yingxing would perk up every time Dan Feng was around. It never failed to irritate Jing Yuan or he was just being pathetic and wanting Yingxing to be happy when he’s with him, too. He tried his best not to think about it too much.
Sometimes he would tease Yingxing about liking Dan Feng, whispering to Yingxing those questions of: “Do you like him?”, “Are you that happy to see him?”, “You like him, don’t you?” and he would see the crimson blush on Yingxing’s face and Yingxing would even call him annoying and then tell him to stop.
The answer was obvious, even without Yingxing giving one. Jing Yuan figured he was right. Yingxing did. He wished Yingxing didn’t. Perhaps that’s also why he went to ask such questions, hoping to see that Yingxing didn’t when the truth was, Yingxing really did.
Jing Yuan could only pretend he wasn’t hurt.
What hurt more, though, was witnessing the two got together.
It was late at night when Jing Yuan heard voices coming from a distance. He shouldn’t have let the curiosity get into him because never did he want to hear Dan Feng telling Yingxing he loved him and Yingxing telling Dan Feng he loved him, too.
The fact that Jing Yuan loved Yingxing first didn’t mean anything.
Jing Yuan would have wished it was a dream, but never did he want to have such a dream, either. Suddenly, he didn’t know what else they were talking about and he couldn’t say anything when the two shared a kiss.
In the morning, Jing Yuan pretended he never knew anything about it. About the love confessions, about the kiss, about them — he heard from Dan Feng himself about it.
“We’re going out, by the way,” Jing Yuan remembers every word from Dan Feng.
To be honest, Jing Yuan wasn’t suprised. He knew it would happen eventually. If they just found out about each other’s feelings, he knew they would find their way to be together. He just wasn’t prepared to see it, but he’s still a friend. Not just to Yingxing but to Dan Feng, as well. He ought to support them. So he pretended it was fine. That he was happy for them.
Jing Yuan faked a smile. “I see. Is that so? Then I’m happy for you two.”
He wasn’t.
And it’s unfair. It’s unfair how Yingxing would still be giving him hope. He didn’t want Yingxing to be nice to him, he didn’t want Yingxing to get too close to him, he didn’t want Yingxing to come to him every time he fought with Dan Feng. He didn’t want Yingxing to give him hope. False hopes. And he didn’t want Yingxing to make it impossible to forget about him.
He admits he was in the wrong when he kissed Yingxing that one night under that moonlight while knowing Yingxing belonged to someone else. It’s understandable if Yingxing got mad at him. He truly deserved it. If anything, he deserved one or two punches from Yingxing, or even more than that but Yingxing was too much of a soft-hearted person in the past.
Yingxing didn’t get mad. He gently pushed Jing Yuan away and seemed surprised by it, as if he didn’t expect for Jing Yuan to ever do such a thing.
“I’m sorry,” Jing Yuan remembers apologizing — he didn’t know what had gotten into him, he really didn’t mean to do what he did. He stared at Yingxing who stared at him back, looking so clueless that it was adorable and he faintly smiled at him then he hugged Yingxing. “...You never knew how much I love you, did you?”
There was only silence for a moment, as if Yingxing was processing what he just heard. Jing Yuan didn’t blame Yingxing for that. The confession surely came out of nowhere. It wasn’t Jing Yuan’s intention to let Yingxing know. Perhaps he just had enough to keep it to himself. “What are you talking about?”
“Yeah, you heard it right. I do,” Jing Yuan continued. “I have for a while. So it really sucks every time you’re nice to me because it makes me hope and you’re making it difficult for me to forget about you and I wish you would just stop but I know you won’t,” he added. “That’s just how you are.”
“Jing Yuan, I—” Yingxing didn’t finish the sentence. Jing Yuan assumed Yingxing didn’t have the heart to. He knew what Yingxing was going to say. That he didn’t see him the same way. The same way he did to Dan Feng.
“Yeah, I know,” Jing Yuan told. With that, he let Yingxing go from his hug and he faintly smiled at him once more. “I really am sorry. I won’t do it again. Let’s pretend this never happened.”
Yingxing never returned anything that night. Not the kiss, the hug, or Jing Yuan’s feelings.
The next morning, they did pretend like it never happened. It seemed awkward for the first few days, but they managed eventually.
There were times Jing Yuan just couldn’t help his jealousy seeing Yingxing and Dan Feng together but he guessed it wasn’t so bad because Yingxing always looked so happy with Dan Feng and Dan Feng always looked so happy with Yingxing, too.
It’s just sad to see things ended the way they are for them, but Jing Yuan really has been watching the two for so long that he knows, he knows they haven’t truly let go of their feelings. He never had a chance.
Jing Yuan could never get tired of the smile on their face or the laughter escaping their lips when they were with each other. He can’t help but yearn for the day he gets to see that beautiful scenery of the two he saw a hundred years ago. If he could just see it one more time...
He never stopped loving Yingxing.
Only now does he realize that it just didn’t matter for as long as he got to see the two happy.