Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hey, you two are dating, right…?”

Slouched over the lunch table, Saiki shrugged and looked over to Akechi, who was about to give a long-winded remark about all the social implications of the question before Toritsuka put a hand up to his face, startling him and effectively keeping him from opening his piehole and releasing the pie-dissolving monologues he had hardly learned to tolerate.

“Oh no. Don’t you start.” What a feminine pose he insisted on exhibiting. “I was asking Saiki-san.”

[‘No. Go away.’]

“Oh, so you’re not dating?”

Saiki sat up and looked at his nails, twirling his fingers around, even if only for show.

[‘Not ‘No, we’re not dating,’ ‘No, I’m not answering you.’’]

Toritsuka groaned. “So are you dating or not?”

Saiki looked over to Akechi.

Akechi smiled and replied: “Yes.”

The answer, though direct, wasn’t enough for his insistent probing, as he groaned even louder and shuffled through the lunch benches.

[‘What’s wrong? You got your answer.’]

“Well…” He scoffed, looked at the two interchangeably, then sat down in front of them. “You sure don’t seem like you’re dating.”

Akechi gasped, pretending to be offended. “Toritsuka-kun, I’m appalled at you! Not only did you doubt our friendship in the first place, but you have the audacity to continue expressing your skepticism even after a romantic relationship has been formed? For shame…”

“Your shaming won’t work on me anymore.” He crossed his arms and stuck out his tongue as mature as a seventeen-year-old boy could possibly be during such an act. “I’ve gotten too used to it.”

“Ah, so you’re saying it’s worked in the past? Ha! What a glorious revelation! I’ll be sure to make a note of this and use it to my advantage in future situations…” His expression was frighteningly unchanging.

[‘Cut it out. I don’t feel like getting caught in the middle of one of your catfights again.’]

“Catfights?”

“Oh, I wish I could discredit your statement! But unfortunately… we do fight a lot like cats, don’t we?” Instead of being embarrassed, Akechi chuckled to himself. “Back to the matter at hand— does it not look like we’re dating?”

Toritsuka shook his head. “Nope. It’s not like I thought you two would be all over each other, but you barely even talk to each other! Well, never mind, this one,” he said, pointing to Akechi, “Talks enough for the both of you.”

“Oh, we talk to each other all the time! For instance, on Monday, I went over to his house after school and challenged him to a game of guessing what sort of thing would be on the news based on yesterday’s, and we had a long discussion about the current state of the economy and how it—”

[‘We talk all the time.’]

“Hello~! Looks like you guys starting fighting without me, huh?” Aiura sat next to Toritsuka, then scooched to the side to avoid physical contact. Not yet. “What’d I miss?”

“Do they look like they’re dating?” Toritsuka pointed at Those Two while they turned around and continued eating.

“What, them? Yeah, I guess so.” Aiura turned around and went to eating.

“Hey!”

She finished her bite of food, clearly confused and trying to speak. “What? What more do you want?”

“Somebody else has to admit that you can barely tell they were ever friends, let alone dating.”

“I know it may seem a bit defensive, but to claim that we don’t even look like friends is a bit of an exaggeration. I mean, we do walk to school together occasionally.”

“See? Occasionally, even though you guys are dating!” Toritsuka seemed extremely pleased with himself. “Real couples walk to school together every day.”

Akechi swifty turned around in his seat. “And real friends would likely walk to school together at least occasionally, yet I cannot for the life of me recall any time that you, Toritsuka-kun, walked home from school or to school with Kusuo-kun.”

“Dayum! He got you there, man.” Aiura patted a very dejected Toritsuka on the shoulder. He didn’t care to shove it off. Then, she turned back to Saiki and Akechi. “But seriously, why don’t guys just kiss or something? It’ll get this one off your back.”

[‘No.’]

“Come on. It’ll shut him up.” She grabbed Toritsuka’s head from above, mussing up his hair.

“Kusuo-kun’s never been one to enjoy public displays of affection, so I think I’d rather refrain as well.”

“Aww, does that mean you like PDA stuff, Aketoumi?”

“Hmm.” Akechi’s face crinkled a bit in thought. “No.”

He turned back around and continued eating.

“Ugh, you see what you did?” Aiura smacked his hands, which were trying to smack away her hand. Generally a lot of smacking. “Now I’m starting to think about it.”

[‘Don’t.’]

“Hey, being a psychic doesn’t make you the thought police, I can think whatever I want.”

[‘Please don’t.]

“You know, it really would be a lot easier for us in the long run if they believed in our mutual affection towards each other. I don’t mind conversing during lunch, but if they plan to make this the main focus for a while, I’d rather put a stop to it now.”

[‘Not you too!’]

“Nothing big! I would hate to put you in that position. Maybe… I don’t know, we could hold hands?”

“I don’t know, kinda weak— ow!” Toritsuka rubbed his arm. “What was that for?”

Miraculously, when Akechi put out his hand, Saiki returned the favor, taking his hand and clasping them together. You know, holding hands.

And so they held hands.

Toritsuka and Aiura stared, giggling to themselves.

Then they separated their hands and looked straight ahead.

“Uhhh—”

Then Akechi froze up. Saiki kept eating, much faster than before.

“Are you guys—”

[‘Shut up.]

Saiki shoved the rest of his food into his mouth and stood up, turning away from them all, speed walking at an alarming rate out of the cafeteria and to God knows where. Akechi was almost folded into himself, clearly embarrassed. Somehow.

“Dude… are you six years old?”

Slowly but surely, he continued eating.

“Um…” Aiura tapped him on the back. “You alright?”

“You got what you wanted.” They got chills.

********************

“Heeeeeeeeeeeyyy, Akechi!” Toritsuka bumped a light fist on Akechi’s shoulder. He was sitting and staring straight ahead, quiet, but that was to be expected immediately after class let out. “What’s up, Shiragami?”

“Who?”

“Anyway, how’s class going? Learning lots of stuff?”

“You’re in the same class as me—”

“Glad to hear it, so anyway…” He grabbed him by the shoulders. “What the hell happened earlier?”

“Oh.” Akechi’s expression went blank. “Well, I woke up at 6:30 a.m., then I got up and made my bed, got dressed, and brushed my teeth, as most people do when first waking up.”

“I meant at lu—”

“After that, I had breakfast with my mother and double-checked that I had everything ready for school, then, being 20 minutes ahead of schedule, I decided to indulge in a bit of early morning programming. Then, at 8:25, I began the walk from my house to the school, stopping a few times along the way to observe the plants in my neighborhood. You wouldn’t believe how many of the plants you walk by every day are actually edible! I didn’t eat any though, because they’re usually pretty bitter, and I’d already had breakfast. Then, I arrived at school and greeted Kuboyasu-kun, who was in a particularly good mood— I assume because of a recent grade he was flaunting, and then—”

“I meant you getting all embarrassed at lunch!”

“Oh.” Akechi chuckled. “ That was an ordeal, wasn’t it?”

“Uh. Yeah?”

“Let’s not talk about it.”

“Um… No?”

Suddenly, Akechi started to laugh. He took a second to calm down, then looked over to Saiki, who was all too obviously eavesdropping from across the room. He smiled all big and simply looked at him to which Saiki smiled the teeniest bit and flashed a thumbs up.

“Wait, what just happened…?”

Akechi stared straight ahead, as if he was listening for something, then looked right back at Saiki, who nodded.

“What are you guys doing?”

They simply looked at him. And then, he yelled. Toritsuka stammered and panicked and went red in the face as Akechi and Saiki didn’t seem to care.

“Why would you…!” He looked… terrified? Disgusted? Mortified? “Oh my God…”

“We assume your questions are answered now, right? Toritsuka-kun? Right?”

He nodded, still in shock.

[‘He’s overreacting.’]

I sure hope so… thought Akechi.

Chapter Text

"Hey, you two are dating, right...?"

Slouched over the lunch table, Saiki shrugged and looked over to Akechi, who was about to give a long-winded remark about all the social implications of the question before Toritsuka put a hand up to his face, startling him and effectively keeping him from opening his piehole and releasing the pie-dissolving monologues he had hardly learned to tolerate.

"Oh no. Don't you start." What a feminine pose he insisted on exhibiting. "I was asking Saiki-san."

['No. Go away.']

"Oh, so you're not dating?"

Saiki sat up and looked at his nails, twirling his fingers around, even if only for show.

['Not 'No, we're not dating,' 'No, I'm not answering you.'']

Toritsuka groaned. "So are you dating or not?"

Saiki looked over to Akechi.

He smiled and replied: "Yes."

The answer, though direct, wasn't enough for his insistent probing, as he groaned even louder and shuffled through the lunch benches.

['What's wrong? You got your answer.']

"Well..." He scoffed, looked at the two interchangeably, then sat down in front of them. "You sure don't seem like you're dating."

Akechi gasped, pretending to be offended. "Toritsuka-kun, I'm appalled at you! Not only did you doubt our friendship in the first place, but you have the audacity to continue expressing your skepticism even after a romantic relationship has been formed? For shame..."

"Your shaming won't work on me anymore." He crossed his arms and stuck out his tongue as mature as a seventeen-year-old boy could possibly be during such an act. "I've gotten too used to it."

"Ah, so you're saying it's worked in the past? Ha! What a glorious revelation! I'll be sure to make a note of this and use it to my advantage in future situations..." His expression was frighteningly unchanging.

['Cut it out. I don't feel like getting caught in the middle of one of your catfights again.']

"Catfights?"

"Oh, I wish I could discredit your statement! But unfortunately... we do fight a lot like cats, don't we?" Instead of being embarrassed, Akechi chuckled to himself. "Back to the matter at hand— does it not look like we're dating?"

Toritsuka shook his head. "Nope. It's not like I thought you two would be all over each other, but you barely even talk to each other! Well, never mind, this one," he said, pointing to Akechi, "Talks enough for the both of you."

"Oh, we talk to each other all the time! For instance, on Monday, I went over to his house after school and challenged him to a game of guessing what sort of thing would be on the news based on yesterday's, and we had a long discussion about the current state of the economy and how it—"

['We talk all the time.']

"Hello~! Looks like you guys starting fighting without me, huh?" Aiura sat next to Toritsuka, then scooched to the side to avoid physical contact. Not yet. "What'd I miss?"

"Do they look like they're dating?" Toritsuka pointed at Those Two while they turned around and continued eating.

"What, them? Yeah, I guess so." Aiura turned around and went to eating.

"Hey!"

She finished her bite of food, clearly confused and trying to speak. "What? What more do you want?"

"Somebody else has to admit that you can barely tell they were ever friends, let alone dating."

"I know it may seem a bit defensive, but to claim that we don't even look like friends is a bit of an exaggeration. I mean, we do walk to school together occasionally."

"See? Occasionally, even though you guys are dating!" Toritsuka seemed extremely pleased with himself. "Real couples walk to school together every day."

Akechi swifty turned around in his seat. "And real friends would likely walk to school together at least occasionally, yet I cannot for the life of me recall any time that you, Toritsuka-kun, walked home from school or to school with Kusuo-kun."

"Dayum! He got you there, man." Aiura patted a very dejected Toritsuka on the shoulder. He didn't care to shove it off. Then, she turned back to Saiki and Akechi. "But seriously, why don't guys just kiss or something? It'll get this one off your back."

['No.']

"Come on. It'll shut him up." She grabbed Toritsuka's head from above, mussing up his hair.

"Kusuo-kun's never been one to enjoy public displays of affection, so I think I'd rather refrain as well."

"Aww, does that mean you like PDA stuff, Aketoumi?"

"Hmm." Akechi's face crinkled a bit in thought. "No."

He turned back around and continued eating.

"Ugh, you see what you did?" Aiura smacked his hands, which were trying to smack away her hand. Generally a lot of smacking. "Now I'm starting to think about it."

['Don't.']

"Hey, being a psychic doesn't make you the thought police, I can think whatever I want."

['Please don't.]

"You know, it really would be a lot easier for us in the long run if they believed in our mutual affection towards each other. I don't mind conversing during lunch, but if they plan to make this the main focus for a while, I'd rather put a stop to it now."

['Not you too!']

"Nothing big! I would hate to put you in that position. Maybe... I don't know, we could hold hands?"

"I don't know, kinda weak— ow!" Toritsuka rubbed his arm. "What was that for?"

Miraculously, when Akechi put out his hand, Saiki returned the favor, taking his hand and clasping them together. You know, holding hands.

And so they held hands.

Toritsuka and Aiura stared, giggling to themselves.

Then they separated their hands and looked straight ahead.

"Uhhh—"

Then Akechi froze up. Saiki kept eating, much faster than before.

"Are you guys—"

['Shut up.]

Saiki shoved the rest of his food into his mouth and stood up, turning away from them all, speed walking at an alarming rate out of the cafeteria and to God knows where. Akechi was almost folded into himself, clearly embarrassed. Somehow.

"Dude... are you six years old?"

Slowly but surely, he continued eating.

"Um..." Aiura tapped him on the back. "You alright?"

"You got what you wanted." They got chills.

********************

"Heeeeeeeeeeeyyy, Akechi!" Toritsuka bumped a light fist on Akechi's shoulder. He was sitting and staring straight ahead, quiet, but that was to be expected immediately after class let out. "What's up, Shiragami?"

"Who?"

"Anyway, how's class going? Learning lots of stuff?"

"You're in the same class as me—"

"Glad to hear it, so anyway..." He grabbed him by the shoulders. "What the hell happened earlier?"

"Oh." Akechi's expression went blank. "Well, I woke up at 6:30 a.m., then I got up and made my bed, got dressed, and brushed my teeth, as most people do when first waking up."

"I meant at lu—"

"After that, I had breakfast with my mother and double-checked that I had everything ready for school, then, being 20 minutes ahead of schedule, I decided to indulge in a bit of early morning programming. Then, at 8:25, I began the walk from my house to the school, stopping a few times along the way to observe the plants in my neighborhood. You wouldn't believe how many of the plants you walk by every day are actually edible! I didn't eat any though, because they're usually pretty bitter, and I'd already had breakfast. Then, I arrived at school and greeted Kuboyasu-kun, who was in a particularly good mood— I assume because of a recent grade he was flaunting, and then—"

"I meant you getting all embarrassed at lunch!"

"Oh." Akechi chuckled. " That was an ordeal, wasn't it?"

"Uh. Yeah?"

"Let's not talk about it."

"Um... No?"

Suddenly, Akechi started to laugh. He took a second to calm down, then looked over to Saiki, who was all too obviously eavesdropping from across the room. He smiled all big and simply looked at him to which Saiki smiled the teeniest bit and flashed a thumbs up.

"Wait, what just happened...?"

Akechi stared straight ahead, as if he was listening for something, then looked right back at Saiki, who nodded.

"What are you guys doing?"

"N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-nothing!"

Akechi was as red as an inflamed esophagus. Extra inflamed. He felt like every vein in his body was being plucked out one by one with tweezers and served to be slurped by an anteater. Ouchie. Then an actual anteater floated into the classroom and attacked everyone.

"Aieeeeee."

Saiki screeched sarcastically. Mostly because it was just licking at his ankles. Then a bunch of cute animals came pouring out of the windows and formed a wave of endearing creatures. All the desks lifted along with the students and everyone fell out of their seats and on to the critters.

Saiki and Akechi were so mesmerized by it, they decided their courtship didn't matter as much as a weasel or a hamster. Moral of the story, a "good relationship" will never match up to an axolotl. The End.